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Say Goodbye to Whining, Complaining, and Bad Attitudes...in you and yoour kids!
Adding honor as a factor in raising kids …and parent-child relationships.
Dr. Scott Turansky and Joanne Miller offer a thorough program for establishing honor as a basis of family life — not just children honoring parents, but parents respecting children and children honoring each other. Even if honor seems a long way off in your household, you will find practical suggestions here to bring that goal a little closer — suggestions for kids of all ages. Honor is the biblical value that will bring about good behavior. It’s more than just changing what kids do; it’s changing the deeper issues of the heart that triggered the behavior.
Dr. Scott Turansky and Joanne Miller offer a thorough program for establishing honor as a basis of family life — not just children honoring parents, but parents respecting children and children honoring each other. Even if honor seems a long way off in your household, you will find practical suggestions here to bring that goal a little closer — suggestions for kids of all ages. Honor is the biblical value that will bring about good behavior. It’s more than just changing what kids do; it’s changing the deeper issues of the heart that triggered the behavior.
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First published October 17, 2000
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About the author
Scott Turansky
30 books13 followersScott Turansky has been a pastor and missionary for more than 33 years and is an author of several books. In addition to pastoring full time, Scott also conducts parenting seminars on Saturdays around the United States (effectiveparenting.org). He is the cofounder of the National Center for Biblical Parenting (biblicalparenting.org) and has co-authored four books.
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 72 reviews
January 13, 2011
this book has a ridiculous book cover that actually turned me off from reading it. but i'm so glad i ended up skimming a few passages and liking what i read. i would say this is the best practical and sound parenting book i've read! the major plus is how it also give tips in dealing with the overall relationship dynamics in the family. all about honor. old concept, but freshly presented and so practical! there's a whole chapter at the end about dealing with teens. good to plan ahead for these years. highly recommend!!
March 31, 2013
I was pretty skeptical when I read the title “Say Goodbye to Whining, Complaining, and Bad Attitudes…in you and your kids!”, but lately the whining and bad attitudes
in my house was starting to get way out of hand so I was willing to try anything to get it sorted out.
Now I’d like to say all this whining and attitude was coming from my kids, but it wasn’t. I have to say I was (am) part of the problem, only I didn’t realize it at
first. After reading the first couple of chapters in the book, I came to the realization that I had to make some changes too, it wasn’t all up to my kids to change!
What I read was incredibly straight forward and I can see my parenting style reflected in many of the examples, but I think what stuck home most for me was the
difference between parenting from respect and parenting from honour…
I wanted my children to do what I asked, without question. I forget that they are little people with their own feelings and wants. In order for my children honour
me, I have to honour them too. The book has shown me ways to still teach my children how to obey but also teach them ways to tell me, without whining or complaining
that they disagree with me.
The biggest difference this book has made in my life is how I handle everyday situations with my daughter. Instead of just ignoring her whining or getting angry I now
ask her a simple question like…”How can we fix this without whining and getting angry?” She is very creative in her responses. I even caught her saying to her baby
brother, “You know it’s very hard to honour you when you act like a monkey.” So she may not be understanding it 100% but we’re getting onto the concept. I find as
each day progresses it’s becoming a part of our lifestyle.
It all doesn’t come easy. Parenting with honour takes work and self reflection. It takes some moments of humility to see the errors in your ways and some deep
breaths and patience because sometimes it just seems easier to say…”Okay, timeout for you!”
The book ends each chapter with a series of questions for you to work through. At first I just skipped through them, but at about the half way mark in the book, I
doubled back and started answering them. They are an important tool in understanding how honour works for you, your relationships and your life. They help you work
through what the scriptures say about parenting with honour.
Each family is different and has their on unique set of challenges, but this book has made a huge difference in my family. My kids are young and I’m so happy to have
learned some of these lessons before they have become teens. I’ve really welcomed the opportunity and have even left the book out where I know my husband will pick it
up and read through it. Our family has achieved amazing results in such little time…
Would I recommend this book? Absolutely! Would I suggest reading it through more than once? Absolutely. Even when I go back to reference something in the book I
find something new or it refreshes a technique that I have been trying to use.
Disclosure: I received the products mentioned above for this review. No monetary compensation was received by me. This is my completely honest opinion above and may differ from yours.
in my house was starting to get way out of hand so I was willing to try anything to get it sorted out.
Now I’d like to say all this whining and attitude was coming from my kids, but it wasn’t. I have to say I was (am) part of the problem, only I didn’t realize it at
first. After reading the first couple of chapters in the book, I came to the realization that I had to make some changes too, it wasn’t all up to my kids to change!
What I read was incredibly straight forward and I can see my parenting style reflected in many of the examples, but I think what stuck home most for me was the
difference between parenting from respect and parenting from honour…
I wanted my children to do what I asked, without question. I forget that they are little people with their own feelings and wants. In order for my children honour
me, I have to honour them too. The book has shown me ways to still teach my children how to obey but also teach them ways to tell me, without whining or complaining
that they disagree with me.
The biggest difference this book has made in my life is how I handle everyday situations with my daughter. Instead of just ignoring her whining or getting angry I now
ask her a simple question like…”How can we fix this without whining and getting angry?” She is very creative in her responses. I even caught her saying to her baby
brother, “You know it’s very hard to honour you when you act like a monkey.” So she may not be understanding it 100% but we’re getting onto the concept. I find as
each day progresses it’s becoming a part of our lifestyle.
It all doesn’t come easy. Parenting with honour takes work and self reflection. It takes some moments of humility to see the errors in your ways and some deep
breaths and patience because sometimes it just seems easier to say…”Okay, timeout for you!”
The book ends each chapter with a series of questions for you to work through. At first I just skipped through them, but at about the half way mark in the book, I
doubled back and started answering them. They are an important tool in understanding how honour works for you, your relationships and your life. They help you work
through what the scriptures say about parenting with honour.
Each family is different and has their on unique set of challenges, but this book has made a huge difference in my family. My kids are young and I’m so happy to have
learned some of these lessons before they have become teens. I’ve really welcomed the opportunity and have even left the book out where I know my husband will pick it
up and read through it. Our family has achieved amazing results in such little time…
Would I recommend this book? Absolutely! Would I suggest reading it through more than once? Absolutely. Even when I go back to reference something in the book I
find something new or it refreshes a technique that I have been trying to use.
Disclosure: I received the products mentioned above for this review. No monetary compensation was received by me. This is my completely honest opinion above and may differ from yours.
March 27, 2013
I gave it 4 stars, but I feel it's more like 3.8. It had some good ideas and I think the premise is excellent. I've always used the word "respect" when teaching my kids how to behave towards others. But this book makes a distinction between respect and honor. You respect someone because of their position (parent, teacher, policeman, etc.). But you can honor anyone and you honor by serving and placing the needs and considerations of others above your own. You can respect without honoring, i.e. you can obey without it touching your heart. So the book's premise is that we are called to honor one another in our families and other relationships. We should be looking for ways to honor one another.
In addition to that insight there were a few helpful tips I took away. But nothing that totally rocked my world.
In addition to that insight there were a few helpful tips I took away. But nothing that totally rocked my world.
November 11, 2013
I really was attracted to this book because as my preschoolers are getting into more sophisticated language and ideas, we sometimes get stuck in patterns of whining and attitude problems.
I think this book really picks up at chapter 6. The first chapters lay out the ideals of honor parenting, but I think they suffer from too many examples and somewhat disjointed explanations surrounding the anecdotes. Chapter six gets to the heart of how to address the problems each family may be facing.
There is also a section of the book specifically for older children and teens that didn't apply to me yet as I am not parenting that age. I didn't really go through that section because I didn't want to get too far ahead of myself.
This book I think would be valuable for a book group or parenting group for discussion. It would also be a good book for couples to go through when they feel like they may be straying from their ideal parenting life.
I think this book really picks up at chapter 6. The first chapters lay out the ideals of honor parenting, but I think they suffer from too many examples and somewhat disjointed explanations surrounding the anecdotes. Chapter six gets to the heart of how to address the problems each family may be facing.
There is also a section of the book specifically for older children and teens that didn't apply to me yet as I am not parenting that age. I didn't really go through that section because I didn't want to get too far ahead of myself.
This book I think would be valuable for a book group or parenting group for discussion. It would also be a good book for couples to go through when they feel like they may be straying from their ideal parenting life.
March 14, 2010
Excellent book about instilling an honoring and respectful attitude towards all others in your children and in yourself.
August 2, 2012
Very good book. Gave me food for thought in the area of parenting.
February 27, 2022
Immensely helpful, full of practical real-life scenarios. The message of this book seems to be ‘honor’…what it looks like to love each other ‘well’. This is a formative, powerful book for anyone who wants to improve family relationships.
June 15, 2015
I really like their concept of focusing on honor, and how that changes the attitudes and behaviors of kids when families go beyond obedience and respect, but emphasize honoring each other in the home. Their definition of honor is very practical: treating people as special, having a good attitude, and doing more than what's expected, but the focus isn't on outward behavior, but on inner heart change, which leads to better outward behavior.
There's a bunch of weekly family 'lessons' to do with your kids at the end, and some may feel hokey to do, but we did them all, and the kids thought it was pretty fun. We've incorporated the concept of honor in our family, and I think it really does take our family relationships to a closer and more peaceful level. Certainly the kids still dishonor each other and us at times with fighting and teasing and talking back, but it's much easier to hold them to this standard of "honor" now that we've talked about it and expect it of them. I also like that the book isn't just telling parents how kids should honor them, but how parents should honor their kids, and their spouses as well. Often, change starts with the parents' change of attitude and behavior and the kids follow, because if parents are treating other people with dishonor, kids will pick that up and imitate it.
There's a bunch of weekly family 'lessons' to do with your kids at the end, and some may feel hokey to do, but we did them all, and the kids thought it was pretty fun. We've incorporated the concept of honor in our family, and I think it really does take our family relationships to a closer and more peaceful level. Certainly the kids still dishonor each other and us at times with fighting and teasing and talking back, but it's much easier to hold them to this standard of "honor" now that we've talked about it and expect it of them. I also like that the book isn't just telling parents how kids should honor them, but how parents should honor their kids, and their spouses as well. Often, change starts with the parents' change of attitude and behavior and the kids follow, because if parents are treating other people with dishonor, kids will pick that up and imitate it.
August 5, 2011
I REALLY liked this book. I've read lots of parenting books and this is by far the best, most useful one I've read. I think if everyone would live like this the world would be a MUCH better place. It's obviously not possible to live this way all the time because we are not perfect, but it does give great things to strive towards in order to create a warm, united family unit. Although it's biblically based, I'm not sure I'd really call it a Christian book since all of the concepts I would hope most parents would want for their children (respect, value, honor, etc.) so if a non-Christian parent is able to view the biblical references for simple advice then even they would find this to be a great one! Also, many of the ideas are geared toward older kids but mine are 2 and 5 and I still have had success with their ideas/concepts to help build honor in the family. And it's definitely the sooner you start, the better anyways so don't feel like young kids aren't able to apply this book.
March 26, 2011
I randomly grabbed this off the library shelves when looking through some parenting books. Our son has been in whining and bad attitude overload recently so I thought I'd give the book a try.
I was pleasantly surprised by the book. The idea is all based on honor and how a family can bring honor into their home, both honoring the parents and honoring the children. They have some great pointers on how to discipline honor-based and ways that get to the child's heart instead of just solving the immediate issue.
In the opening section of the book they sum up the whole idea very well, "The goal of discipline is to help children not only act correctly, but also to think correctly and to become the people God mad them to be. Honor addresses what's going on below the surface and considers a child's heart."
I was pleasantly surprised by the book. The idea is all based on honor and how a family can bring honor into their home, both honoring the parents and honoring the children. They have some great pointers on how to discipline honor-based and ways that get to the child's heart instead of just solving the immediate issue.
In the opening section of the book they sum up the whole idea very well, "The goal of discipline is to help children not only act correctly, but also to think correctly and to become the people God mad them to be. Honor addresses what's going on below the surface and considers a child's heart."
October 11, 2011
My youngest son whines a lot. Being the good social worker that I am, I am pretty sure that he whines because it works. The problem, in my estimation, is that I'm not quite sure what way the whining is working. I am very careful to NOT give him whatever he is whining for, yet the whining persists. So, I figure he is getting something out of these interactions and I picked up this book hoping to figure that out. Clearly, I approach my parenting with my children in a largely behaviorist way. If you are like me, this book is not for you. I should have vetted this book better for myself. First clue I would not be on the same page as the authors? They are a homeschooling mom and an evangelical preacher. Hmmmm. And what is their reason why my son whines? A lack of honor in my home. Yeah, honor.
My kid still whines.
My kid still whines.
May 27, 2012
From what I have read of Teaching Self Government, this book is a great stepping stone for that book. It has many of the same principles. I do like the way he presented many of the topics. I especially loved the idea of the Teen Challenge. I do wish he would write a book JUST on that. And I really appreciated the chapter on how the teens brain changes and how we then, need to change with them. I love the focus on honor, but I will admit that the Teaching Self Government book is a must follow up book to this. It takes many (though not all) of the principles discussed in this book one wonderful step forward and puts flesh on the bare bones presented here.
April 10, 2015
The title caught my eye at the library on a day when I had about had it with the attitudes. Yes, of myself and my kids. Honor-based parenting is a more accurate title, but not one that would have led me to pick this book up.
Overall, it turns out that our ideal approach to parenting lines up very closely with the authors. So, no big surprise that I liked it. Why I loved it was the clear communication of the principles and actionable suggestions.
Parents need to model the behavior they want to teach. I have new motivation and tools to give clear boundaries and love to my sons, so they can learn to treat others the same. (Verses to complement everything were also helpful.)
Overall, it turns out that our ideal approach to parenting lines up very closely with the authors. So, no big surprise that I liked it. Why I loved it was the clear communication of the principles and actionable suggestions.
Parents need to model the behavior they want to teach. I have new motivation and tools to give clear boundaries and love to my sons, so they can learn to treat others the same. (Verses to complement everything were also helpful.)
September 18, 2008
This has been the only parenting book so far that I have read that I would actually feel good in recommending to someone. Most parenting books tell you what you should do and make judgments about how your kid will turn out rotten if you don't do what they suggest. This one actually gives PRACTICAL advice on what you should do with your children and how you should teach them to honor God, parents, and people around them. It even gives conversation starters and other cool tips like that. I hope I can implement some of this stuff with my girls so they can turn out to be good and not brats.
January 30, 2017
This is a book about honor. If you have children, want children, like children, don't like children, want to understand family life with children, want to understand your own family when you were a child, then I'd recommend reading this one. Putting others' needs above your own, valuing human life (most specifically the ones living under your roof) and enjoying life, doing more than what's expected, having a good attitude, general "check ya-self before ya-wreck ya-self" as we like to say in our home...all this is highly encouraged in this book. Hate the cover...poor kid! But, good stuff.
August 13, 2014
While the ideas are good for older children, the solutions don't really apply to a 2 year old. Yes the foundations can be laid to avoid future problems, but teaching a 2 year old honor won't stop her from whining now.
I also felt like the examples were made up, they didn't feel like real interactions that had actually happened.
Overall a great book its just geared toward older kids than mine (4,2,& 6 weeks)
I also felt like the examples were made up, they didn't feel like real interactions that had actually happened.
Overall a great book its just geared toward older kids than mine (4,2,& 6 weeks)
March 26, 2020
This book had a long and ugly title but the true title was "How to bring honor and respect into your family". I think there were some great points to learn from but it was difficult to keep reading. I did like the questions at the end of each chapter to make sure you truly understood what was discussed. My kids are young and I think this would be a great read again when they are teens and more discussions can take place.
February 27, 2012
I read this book with my Mom's Group and really loved having a parenting book that is about the child's heart, not just punishment. I love this idea of honor and appreciated the book including ways to teach honor. It is a very easy, quick read. There is also a great companion workbook we used with our families.
May 14, 2013
This book was very helpful in giving me ideas and stories to learn from so I can apply it to help raise my kids. I love that this book has a bibilical base it pulls from and honor and respect is missing in our society. This is a helpful way to help parents teach these very important attributes into our children.
December 31, 2014
After reading so many parenting books and finding them un-helpful and frustrating, I am finally reading so that are useful! The concept of teaching honor instead of simply demanding obedience and the step-by-step guide to helping children use "wise-appeals" have both been useful. I need to remember to re-read this when my kids approach the teenage years, too.
June 12, 2008
This book outlines an honor-based approach to parenting. I love how it not only helps you teach your children to honor you, but to also honor each other as YOU honor THEM. It definitely changes my mindset about what biblical parenting looks like! I highly recommend it.
July 28, 2008
I've read this book AT LEAST THREE TIMES and will probably read it again this year. It's an easy read, GREAT examples, and helps move your child from "respecting" to "HONORING" parents (do things the first time with a HAPPY HEART - or good attitude
December 9, 2008
I REALLY enjoyed this book. It had many wonderful ideas/concepts in it. Not even just for parents and children I think it could go for anyone working with kids, grandparents, carechild givers etc. I have a whole new outlook on HONOR now.
November 9, 2010
I think the title is misleading. This book actually goes far beyond annoying kid behaviours. It is a proactive guide to instilling honor in the family. It's not just for families with problem children. Every family could benefit from this!
March 27, 2013
I really, really liked this book. The idea of it is to teach your kids honor-honoring parents and each other-then they will learn to be more respectful because they honor one another. It gave me great ideas to help with our family!
April 16, 2013
this has some good tips but it didn't explain how exactly to implement these things in a realistic way. Teaching your kids to "honor each other" isn't terribly realistic when they hate each others guts...
April 2, 2013
I like it. I enjoyed writing it with Scott Turansky. This is my go to recommendation when I give advice for sibling conflict, disrespect, selfishness, or even just meanness. It's also a book that brings a nurturing atmosphere into any home.
July 16, 2013
While I really dislike the title of this book, as well as the front cover (I changed the title to Honor based parenting :)...this really is a great, practical, easy-to-read book that discusses honor in conjunction with obedience in parenting.
February 7, 2015
I like the philosophy of this book: I stilling a sense of honor in children. It is not a step-by-step how-to guide, but the author did a good job in helping parents understand the key goals in parenting.
August 19, 2015
I have to say, I was about to give this book 3 stars, mainly bc it seemed like mostly common sense info. But then I finished and read the appendix and I totally changed my opinion. It gives some AWESOME step by step instructions on how to teach your kids about honor. So so good!
Displaying 1 - 30 of 72 reviews