Batter My Heart

by Nenia Campbell

“One of your friends dared you to go a few rounds with me, right? I throw you around, make you buck and scream, and for one night, you get to feel like a bad girl. I've heard the rumors. Some of them are even true.”

Two brothers.

One mistake.

Dahlia Blackwell is a good girl. Or, at least, she tries to be. But after rejecting the advances of the most dangerous boy in town, Audric Dubourdieu, she finds herself the target of a vicious harassment campaign that unburies secrets about her family that she never knew. When she gets accepted to the local college on scholarship, the bullying only gets worse: in a hothouse full of gilded lilies, there's no room for stubborn weeds.

Theo Dubourdieu lives his life like it's a stick of dynamite burning at both ends. Fraternity president, prominent medieval scholar, heir to the family fortune: on paper, he looks perfect. But beneath the surface, his life is a chaotic maelstrom of dark desires and bad decisions. Which is why, when he encounters the strangely intense girl walking along his family's private beach, his first impulse is to kiss first and ask questions later.

Dahlia despises Theo and everything he represents, but he makes her feel things she knows she shouldn't—and he'll let her keep her thorns if she's willing to bleed for them. She's a wildflower. He's a storm. Together, they'll find either salvation or destruction as they batter each other's hearts.

Genres: Dark Romance, Dark, Romance, College, Contemporary Romance, New Adult, Contemporary

632 pages, Kindle Edition

First published March 4, 2022

About the author

Nenia Campbell is a dark romance author who lives in San Francisco, California. When she's not writing, or reading, she can be found roaming the city or curled up with her void cat. She collects romance novels older than she is and loves a villain with flair.

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Reviews

[⚔Irunía⚔ · Rating 1 out of 5]

Oh my fucking ever merciful god of reading. What in the living hell —
Just how many more trials await me on my gracious path of a contemporary romance reader, I —
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


Ewww, don't tell me I'm the odd one out, again. 🤡 A lonely closeted hater basking in the pot of malice and slander. A loser wasting my time on books that I end up hating against all odds. The only one who doesn't get to enjoy and appreciate all these trashy morally gray romance books that I purportedly love... well, in theory — always, and in practice —not so much, while everyone else seems to be having the time of their lives reading them... I'm so fucking sick and tired of this. 🤣🤣🤣

Which brings me to the next point.

WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH ME Y'ALL, GUYS? 🤡 Yet again my review is gonna be the only negative one for a book (never been there, never done that), and I know for a fact y'all can do better, I —



This feels like a deliberate campaign to undermine the very core of my personality... 😭 discredit the truthfulness, brutal honesty and unbiased wisdom of my reviews...😭😭😭 have me questioning my thoughts, my decisions, my tastes, my core beliefs, MY WHOLE LIFE my impression of certain books. If this is a test, I failed it. Again. 🤡

The fact that I simply fail to see the appeal of books that are mostly loved and appreciated could have given me a big fat complex if I were a bit more self-conscious and a lot less insufferable. Aren't we lucky in that department.

Now when I'm hopefully well and truly done being dramatic (not really), I assume the sheer number of exclamation marks at the beginning of this review might have given you an idea of how excruciatingly painful and simply tedious wading through this book was for me.

So I might as well give up and place this book on the DNF-skimmed-the-rest shelf because I can't allow myself to end up preggos with severe depression at such a young age.

Go ahead and watch my mini-mental breakdown going hand in hand with the disorganized thought process, lack of basic coherence and sprinkled with bad grammar, atrocious spelling and obscene language if you must... (I criticize myself so none of you get a chance to do it for me sksksksk)

How do I put into words the hate I feel for this book? I think the saddest part is that I don't hate this book in a way that makes me feel so furious and scandalized that I find myself on the verge of rating it 5 stars instead (not a rare occurrence in my case) just to pay tribute to the author's knack for writing outrageously trashy content. Hate of that sort can indeed be so purifying.



The Prose? Insufferable. Self-absorbed. Pretentious. A purple monster that looks at itself in the mirror in conceited self-admiration.

The writing endeavors to make this story appear to be one of those eloquently written, lush with detail vintage bodice-ripper classics set in modern times, but turns out to be a rather clumsy and grotesque pretense to refined sophistication it has a dire lack of.

Do I abhor pretentiousness? Absolutely fucking not. There's nothing more appealing than someone or something fairly good boldly putting up a front of its purportedly sublime perfection. However, it is not the case here, and to refrain from getting meaner than I already am, I kindly shut up and make no further comment.


The Storytelling? Focuses on chewing over inconsequential (maybe they are consequential and I just failed to see the beauty, the depth and priceless value of meticulous characterization) details, characters and situations so fucking much that it detracts from the plot and romance, takes away much more than it gives. Rather than complementing the story and adding complexity to it, the unwavering focus on the side quests (filler) leaves you (okay-okay) me utterly confused and exasperated.

Chapters, chapters and more chapters pass before the main characters have their first bitch beach encounter, then even more time passes before they develop a semblance of relationship, ultimately followed by
some developments in their dynamics that happen so abruptly it gave me whiplash.

Such a slow (snail pace), tedious buildup to Theo and Dahlia's unprecedentedly interesting character arcs and so many extensively detailed scenes that lay
the foundation for the story (or interfere with its flow, in my interpretation 🌚) so that Theo and Dahlia could "exist" and function separately throughout most of the text? And for what? Only for some aspects of their relationship to be pressed on the fast forward button further in the story. 🤡

Roughly the first half of the book didn't feature even remotely sufficient H×h quality screen time. In a romance book. 🤡

The sad news is that authors have only a few first chapters at their disposal to evoke a reader's interest and have them so deeply immersed that they won't even dare think of bailing out.
A reader ≠ a Homunculus loxodontus.



And not giving a relationship between the MCs significant page time in a romance novel screams poor decisions from a mile away.

Like... do I look like a person who's even mildly interested in the contents of this stupid bitch Dahlia's (let me give you a brief introduction of our h) fridge??

She went to the fridge. It was nearly empty: a box of baking soda, a few slices of American cheese, and a single egg. Payday was Friday, which meant they always did the grocery shopping the following Saturday. I should have taken some of the pizza. Dahlia grabbed the cheese and ate it out of the wrapper, wincing a little at the slick, hammy texture of it as she picked up the Arakelyan & Arakelyan letter.

Each chapter boasts numerous paragraphs that left a taste of boredom-clad-in-fine-clothing in my mouth. Dahlia could have literally died of starvation for all I care (I give her my blessing to do just that. A pity that Dahlia's dead granny had other plans and trampled all over my dreams of her imminent starvation 🙆🏼‍♀️), why do I need to know they do grocery shopping on Saturdays?

Honestly, I wouldn't even mention this scene if there weren't so many other countless pages that came across as redundant and overly descriptive, focusing on everything and nothing in particular.

The hero?

Bipolar. And I love that for him. Unequivocally obsessed with Dahlia? Unfortunately, he didn't come with a guarantee against poor taste. Why his choice fell on Dahlia remains a mystery to me.

Besides that, I have zero thoughts on this guy because all of them have been consumed by my all-encompassing hatred for this heroine.

The heroine?

To get a hard and heavy stone off my chest: Dahlia is a fucking loser. That's literally the perfect definition that I don't feel warrants any further elaboration, but unluckily I need to vent talk about her because keeping all this negative energy inside has a detrimental effect on a person's mental health.

Dahlia hates parties. When everyone is getting a kick out of fucking in the club toilets, drinking piña colada mixed with vodka, and conversing with one another, she stands in the corner and feels miserable and out of place. And honestly? Good for her, I wanted this whiny bitch to suffer as much as possible. But let's just say I'd prefer it if her misery didn't happen at the expense of my brain cells since her silent inner complaining feasted and danced on their grave. I don't know how someone clouding other people's small pleasures of life with their antisocial gloomy self is still a thing in the romance genre.

On top of being forced to witness the first-world little tragedies conjured up by her brain, I had to endure them unfolding in the third person too, which made it all the more awkward to listen to when paired with the writing that is a whole ego trip. Spitting out words for the sake of spitting out words. How poetic.

Dahlia is a disgrace to every introvert out there. You hate parties? Don't go there. Stay the fuck away. Spare me the details of how much people having their unsophisticated teenage fun triggers your sensitive introvert soul.

I wonder when authors will stop writing their characters as introverts solely for the sake of giving them some farcical, ostentatious edge that looks like a pathetic attempt to come off as different and special. Meanwhile most of these characters are average at their best.

According to research by Myer Briggs organization, introverts are 50.7% and extroverts are 49.3% in the United States population. — take it, see how special your introversion vs extraversion makes you. 🤣

Because she wanted sex, yes, but she wanted candlelight and romance, too, and sometimes it felt like a girl could only have one or the other. Never both.

🙆🏼‍♀️🙆🏼‍♀️🙆🏼‍♀️ What in the name of thoughtful introspection is this? The social commentary we deserve. 😭 Romance without sex, or the alternative world of Miss Dahlia who attempts to hide her low attractiveness to the opposite gender without coming across as a complete loser and ending up sounding like a dumb loser instead.


That being said, this sounds like a perfect moment to put a quote
where Dahlia has yet another loser moment a mental breakdown over one of her many first-world superficial little problems:

The thought of spending her last night of high school in a dark corner somewhere getting Ricky Mabalay off was so depressing that Dahlia suddenly felt as if she might cry.

LIKE —
BITCH 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣 SHUT THE FUCK UP, YOU HUGE, FAT DISGRACE OF AN INTROVERT. You literally have zero obligation to get some drunken twat off at a party. Just learn to use your mouth for purposes other than eating or sucking someone's cock. Open it and say no. Simple as that.

Imagine having a mental breakdown over a drunken dude who suggested that you go somewhere private with him at a fucking party?? 👁️👄👁️ 99% of the female population would have been in mental asylums by now.

Instead of suddenly feeling like you might cry, Dahlia dear, maybe...I don't even know... just say fucking no, loser. How about you go have fun with your right hand and leave me alone (or whatever girls are saying these days to encourage horny guys to back off) and go on your merry way, soaking in the misery of standing in the dark corner alone with your coca-cola glass as the only voluntary company??

This whiny brat really turned every tiny confrontational interaction or situation she had to face into a fucking worldwide societal challenge, making me hate her superfluous self even more than I hate stupid real-life Ricky Mabalays. While I admit that at some point in the book she really had it rough with all the bullying that ensued at her college, I really couldn't give a damn about her offended sensibilities and struggles. She is that unlikeable.


Suffice it to say, sometime before the party took place, this sad mishap of a young girl let the notorious Ricky Why-Did-You-Even-Bother-With-This -Chick lad finger bang her in the car. No context. No explanations given. 🙇🏼‍♀️🤷🏼‍♀️🙆🏼‍♀️

He's basically a rando (her girlfriend's boyfriend's cousin?) and she lets him do it for no good reason

(I think she didn't even orgasm, and the guy didn't attract her in the least... like what was even the point in acting like a doormat? Her thoughts were so full of misery— but where's the surprise in that — and once again she failed to voice them so that Ricky take his germ-infested pincers off her cunt?)

only to turn all teary-eyed later, playing injured innocence when he offers (just offering, you know) a quick tumble at the party? Where's the fucking consistency? If you hate sex-starved males so passionately and don't want their horny attention, why prepare the ground and proceed to act scandalized over nothing? Her behavior didn't make any sense to me. People are not supposed to guess your every whim and know what you'll love or hate. Voice and communicate your desires, and don't fucking waste my time on this misplaced fucking distress that could have been alleviated in the span of two seconds by a two-letter word. If I were Ricky, I'd never have guessed she would be that offended by "my" generous offer to return the favor after the car rendezvous, and believe me, I have a much more developed sense of empathy than some party guy craving to get into a chick's panties.

Throughout the story, she kept her stupid mouth shut with her eyes downcast when she literally had no reason whatsoever to take someone's shit up her ass most of the time, so it left me baffled when this weird third-person narrative (I have nothing against the third-person narration, tbh I prefer it to the first-person pov more often than not, but many scenes sounded unabashedly clumsy) tried to convince me otherwise and sell me a strong-willed girl. She could be tough with the hero and that's about her only flex that's not worth a penny in the face of her complete and utter helplessness when it came to defending herself against other characters. 🤡 Heroines who are catty with heroes but take everyone else's bullshit are a personal pet peeve of mine.

You dropped something right here, Miss Dahlia. OH NO, THAT WAS YOUR SELECTIVE FAKE-ASS BACKBONE.

Stubborn weed? Intense girl?? Wildflower — 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣 rereading the blurb after reading this book has tears forming in my eyes at a rapid speed, my handkerchief can't keep up.

Gotta love how authors keep eating the cactus, e.g. trying to pass off their typical basic bitches of the genre whose main personality trait is being a broke party hater with their tongue in the ass (because we've never seen this type in romance fiction. such a novelty, such an exemplar of original thought) as that edgy, multifaceted emo girl type (the archetype that I, in all honesty, love when it's done well).

For all the detail we got on her character, Dahlia is a very shallow protagonist, whose "shy", clandestine narcissism (found deep under a thick layer of fake modesty and introversion) leads her to a false belief that she's oh-so-special and different; a true "wildflower" with an "intensity" to her that is capable of evoking some morally gray guy's sick obsession. Which is basically the not-so-hidden message of this book.

Peeking through her humble façade, there's so much unfounded vanity, pathetic pretentiousness and fake depth in this average girl, I wished she realized at some point that all it would take her to be happy is to take that not-like-other-girls stick out of her ass.

Did I already mention this book takes itself too seriously?

Speaking of the blurb again, it served to remind me of the main villain of the story, Audric, whose potential and character arc didn't live up to the vicious harassment he supposedly delivered. It seems weird that the character that could have added so much angst and darkness to the story isn't really fleshed out or omnipresent, for that matter.

As per the long-established personal tradition of mine, having ventured into reading this long and unexpectedly tedious book, I habitually started taking notes of the moments that caught my attention and highlighting a few paragraphs to argue my case, but something went terribly, terribly wrong (the case got too heavy to carry, I guess) along the way. At a very early point I realized that all I did was write down many things that I found exasperating, annoying and quite simply yawn-inducing, and I had no patience left in me to track the miserable record of my complaints.

The kind of observations that I had obviously shouldn't be expanded and see the light of day. So I actually gave up on highlighting and commenting on this book, having come to a revelation that dissecting this story doesn't even give me a speck of positive emotion.

Which sucks because the premise of this book sounded like something I would enjoy.

[Namera [The Literary Invertebrate] · Rating 3 out of 5]

⤅ 3.5 stars, rounded down because I don't want to rate this the same as Quid Pro Quo, which I enjoyed more.

The usual disclaimer: Nenia and I are Goodreads friends and I love reading her reviews, but this certainly hasn't impacted my own review in any way. I've been a fan of her writing since I was maybe 12 and first read a one-shot she'd posted on FictionPress, How I Became a Teenage Voyeur, which I still think about quite often. And it's been a decade!!!

Now that that's out of the way...

Here we have 18-year-old Dahlia Blackwell, who effectively comes from generations of unlucky-in-love single mothers. When her grandmother (reputed to have been a prostitute) dies, she bequeaths her house to Dahlia and her mother, who promptly move in. Now they're suddenly living in a much wealthier place a stone's throw from the local university, which caters to the rich and wealthy. Dahlia could never hope to attend - until she ends up meeting Jay and Nick (the couple from QPQ) who make her a beneficiary of their newly-established scholarship.

Also at the university are 21-year-old Theodoric Dubourdieu and his younger brother Audric, the latter of whom is determined to see Dahlia run out of town after she rejects his advances. (At least, I think he's 21: I don't think any character has a birthday, despite the book spanning a full year). Theo and Dahlia end up tangled in a fake-dating/mistress-type relationship, and the book traces their push/pull dynamic as Audric lurks in the background.

To get the negatives out of the way first:

⤅ This book is rather long and the pacing gets weird at times. In the beginning, pages are lavished upon a painstaking portrait of Dahlia and Theo's characters; chapters pass before they even meet, and more chapters before they develop into anything resembling a relationship. Slow-burn is the name of the game, which isn't a bad thing. However, the action of the central climax is compressed into a handful of pages near the end, and it all feels very abrupt compared to the slow build-up that precedes it.

⤅ I didn't like Dahlia very much. Chiefly, I think that's because I found her oddly lacking in self-awareness. Here's what I mean: she's an avid historical romance reader, complete with a book blog discussing her favourite bodice rippers. Yet she never bothered to look up what a marquis is? Presumably it's a word she would have encountered fairly frequently, being an HR reader, and I mean... when I was about 13 I managed to infer what viscounts and marquises were just by context. She's 18 and quite literary, but she never eked out enough curiosity to do that? It made her love of HR reading feel a bit inorganic.

⤅ I definitely think more could have been made of Audric as a villain. He was almost a nuanced character, and I actually found myself sympathising with his frustration at being the 'more capable' younger brother who's roundly ignored by an older brother he clearly looks up to and a father who doesn't give his efforts much credit. The contrast between 'loving kid brother worried about Theo's health' and 'misogynistic rapist' could have provoked some great angst. Instead Audric's role in the novel is surprisingly limited, and he ultimately never manages to demonstrate the moral ambiguity that would have elevated him from run-of-the-mill thug to top-class villain.

As for what I liked:

⤅ Nenia's writing is GORGEOUS. I said in my QPQ review that it has that literary, evocative quality without being insufferable, and that still holds true. Admittedly a bit of the dialogue early on veered further into purple prose territory, but the rest of it stayed on the right side of the line. I came away from the book feeling like I'd had the pleasure of watching a wordsmith at her craft.

⤅ Theo's character is great - far better than Dahlia's, who pales in comparison. I always enjoy reading about the kind of frat-boy heroes who might play the villain in more mainstream books. Theo is mercurial, opportunistic, and artistic, with a real streak of wilfulness when it comes to his family. His mental health struggles play a large role in the book.

⤅ I always love a good dub-con, and Nenia delivers these situations in spades. We get a dose of teacher/student when Theo briefly has power over Dahlia's grades; a contemporary mistress-style arrangement which underpins most of their relationship; and bribery when he agrees to save her from Audric in exchange for her body.

⤅ Overall

This was enjoyable, on the whole, though I prefer QPQ and was glad to see the cameos of Jay and Nick. I will of course read whatever Nenia writes next, and I would even if we weren't friends.

Pre-review: I am SOOOOOOO excited for this book. The only thing that could make me even more excited is if it had been a menage. (Nenia will you ever write one??)

Also, I'm going to go ahead and rate this five stars, because someone has rated it one star. I will obviously adjust the rating to reflect my honest thoughts of this book when I get it, but in the meantime...

[Fre06 Begum · Rating 3 out of 5]

good read

It was a good read, a little bit different in terms of reading but still good. The ending did feel a bit abrupt. Still a good book and worth reading.

[Auj · Rating 4 out of 5]

I'm so proud to be the first person to write a proper review for this book. 😂 This is the first time ever.
The sample was so good that I couldn't resist buying the book and immediately reading it, even though I had other books on my to-read list I had planned to buy.

I love Nenia's attention to detail and addition of things that I didn't even know about and had to Google. This book also had a lot of great lines that I'll add at the end of my review. Though this book was 632 pages, it didn't feel too long. The story flowed naturally and it felt like I was getting a sense of the everyday life of Dahlia and college. I appreciated that the characters actually had homework and studied, because too often I'll read romance novels set in college and no one is studying or attending class it seems and that's just unrealistic. The novel takes place over a year, from July one year to the next and it covers Dahlia's freshmen year of college and Theo's senior year.

I found it hilarious how the book "Batter My Heart" the quoted passages under each month were from was actually a fictional book (you bet I looked it up on Goodreads!). Later I learned that that book was the book that Theo's mom started but never finished. Not until the end of this book, does Theo finish the book for his mom and publish it posthumously. It's always cool when you read books where the character talks about publishing the book you're reading (though that "Batter My Heart" is not the story of Dahlia and Theo).

Like Justine in "Quid Pro Quo", I felt badly for Dahlia. Her family (well, mom) was very poor and she was bullied and harassed a lot. Guys seemed to be constantly checking her out. Poor girl couldn't win. Then like Justine, poor girl meets rich guy. Speaking of Justine, she and Nicholas make a cameo in this book. Honestly, I enjoyed this book a lot more than "Quid Pro Quo". However, the dynamic between Justine & Nicolas and Dahlia & Theo was a little similar, especially at the end of the book, which I didn't like. After reading these two books, I would like to see Nenia write a book where there isn't dubious consent and the heroine wants the hero just as much.

See, I didn't like this: “Tell me you love me,” he said, tapping her lips. “Or I'll fuck it out of you.” “Fine!” she yelped, squirming. “I love you—you bastard,” she added vindinctively...

(Page 629). It feels too much like Justine and Nicholas's book where the girl is literally coerced and becomes brainwashed into staying with the guy. The above quote has me wondering does Dahlia really love Theo?? I think so, but it's still unclear. I would rather have had her say it without his prompting.

Also, I didn't like how rough her first time with Theo was and how instead of giving her pleasure, he seemed to be hurting her. Another thing that bugged me that besides for one time (not during penetration), Dahlia didn't seem to orgasm when they had sex. Maybe she did and it just wasn't mentioned and rather Nenia wanted us to assume that she did come? I didn't like how it wasn't fully clear if Dahlia was enjoying sex/intimacy with Theo or not. Lastly, the knife play where Theo carved his initials into her breast really grossed me out. I'm assuming it didn't leave a permanent scar because it wasn't mentioned again. Knife play, when it goes beyond cutting a girl's panties, is lowkey a trigger for me.

Multiple times, I did ask myself why Theo liked Dahlia because sometimes, she seemed kind of boring, especially in comparison to her roommate, Ellebeth. Dahlia didn't say much and held back.

Random thoughts: I'm glad Audric received his comeuppance at the end of the book. Also, his name, especially his nickname, reminds me too much of my own name. Their parents really gave them both unique names ending in "ric". Theodoric & Audric.

Theo took forever to tell Dahlia that he was bipolar. Audric actually told her first. No one else seemed to know either. Then, what were the odds that Ellebeth's mom was also bipolar? Theo's mom was bipolar and it seems she passed it down genetically to Theo.

I want to know more about their dad. He wasn't all that bad at the very end.

Why was Dahlia taking Mandarin as a Gen-Ed? No one takes that as a Gen-Ed. It would have made more sense for her to take Spanish or French as a class. Right before her Mandarin class was mentioned, January, Dahlia's roommate, was speaking Mandarin with her parents. It seemed to me that the author was like oh, what class should Dahlia take? And since she just was writing about Mandarin, that became the class.

I loved the connection to romance novels & how Teresa Denys's books were paid homage to. ("The Silver Devil" is one of my favorite books.)

I seriously need an epilogue for this book, because it's not the end of their story. Dahlia still has 3 more years in college. What major does she declare? I want to know what Theo ends up doing as a career. Will he actually become a romance novelist like his mom? Hopefully, they'll make cameos in the next Nenia book and I'll find out.

***
There were also at least 17 spelling and editing mistakes throughout the book. On page 521, the book even lost its paragraph indentations. I think Nenia should have had at least someone else read it one more time to catch those kinds of mistakes. Heck, I would be willing lol

***
And lastly, for the quotes I liked:

"...he clearly didn't know jack about relating to kids and Theo overheard him saying, “So, uh, do you like school?” while the brats looked on in thinly-veiled disgust. (150)

The heroes without hope of redemption are the ones we root hardest for because in our own unshakable faith in romance, we cannot fathom a heart so deep or dark that it cannot be turned. (214)

“The fuck is this shit? Sweet Savage Love? Love's Tender Fury? Are these romance novels?” (p. 263)

Because this one describes their relationship dynamic:
"...she was furiously, incandescently angry that he was using her body against her like this. Making her feel shame for things she shouldn't." (288)

“Sure,” he said tightly. “Cast me as the fucking villain, babe. Call it rape, if that's what gets you off. But I fucking dare you to look me in the eyes and tell me you never thought about fucking me.” (426)

And as she looked at him, breathing as hard as she, Dahlia thought she understood at last the sort of wildness that could make people slaves to the hope of taming it. (455)

“I feel so terrible all the time, but lately it's only bearable when I'm with you. I'm so fucking tired.” He gave her a look of such bleakness that it sent her reeling. “I think I love you, wildflower.” And then the police came in through the door and dragged him away. (613) ---This makes me wonder, how did Theo get out of jail? LOL

“J'ai vraiment envie de toi, Theo. Défonce-moi. Je te veux au plus profond de moi. Si profond que ça me fait mal." (413)

***
Also, why don't I have a dubious consent shelf? I'm getting on that stat

[Winter Ashby · Rating 5 out of 5]

Nenia, you are my favorite anti hero dark romance author. I was looking for a good book for more than a year and nothing i read could quenched my thirst like your book did. Gavin has always been my most favorite antihero and now i add theo to the list. I am in love. You are one author who’s writing i can connect with. The emotion, sentiments you pour into your books is just something that resonates with me.

I have cried several times while reading your books and also felt all hot and bothered ( you know why 😉 ) and then felt pure joy along with the characters. I have been so enamored with the characters, it felt like i was feeling every emotions they were feeling. Like the book and i became one.

Please never stop writing anti-heroes books because god knows some of us needs authors like you like oxygen who knows what exactly dark romance and anti-heroes means.

[Nastassja · Rating 4 out of 5]

“There was something devastating about being handled gently by a cruel man. Maybe because it felt so intentional, so excruciatingly deliberate.”

Batter My Heart is as toxic as it is addictive. I wanted to throw the book against the wall so many times but I couldn’t let it slip from my hands.

What I find the most fascinating about this story is that is it basically a modern bodice ripper with a flavor of the 80s and 90s bodice rippers romances. It fringes on highly theatrical but the dark topics like bullying and mental illness pull it from the obvious belonging to the aforementioned category.

Batter My Heart strikes at our primal: bordering on rape and unhealthy relationship which any normal person would run from in real life, however, is so alluring and intoxicating one can’t stop wondering about dark animal desires that lurk inside any of us. I suppose that's the main charm of the story: we can enjoy the literary abuse without actually experiencing any in real life.

And here I want to stop on the topic of bullying, feminism, and privilege. I have to admit though I thought a lot of things were over the realm of possibility I can’t deny how precise and cutting to the bone these matters were described in the story. I’ve experienced bullying firsthand when I was in high school, so I felt the things the heroine felt with my skin. It's a sad truth that mean girls exist and alas there's no universal girl code where girls stick for each other instead of resorting to bullying.

There were rules for victimhood, it seemed, the way that there were rules for everything else, and people really only believed in justice for the privileged, white, and pretty.

As for the sexual abuse *shivers* as much as terrifying it was, I couldn't shake the feeling the whole thing resembled a classic bodice ripper plot: there's a tortured hero who keeps forcing himself on the heroine and she cannot resist because she feels this inexplainable pull toward him. We all know he does not really going to hurt her. And here I have to say BUT because the hero does some pretty bad stuff to the heroine, morally and physically degrading her and I have no excuse for that. Then in the next part the villain makes an appearance; he is set on really hurting the heroine. And it's up to the hero to save her and finally realize that he loves her.

Honestly, I think it's a genius way to write a book. It's like a special insight, especially endearing when you know that the author has a soft spot for these bodice rippers romances (which I do as well and though most of them are completely chauvinistic crap, some of them are real gems).

And here we come to our main characters. Theo is the right type of a tortured asshole I love in my books. He is in no way a good person but antiheroes have a tendency to crowl under your skin.

“The heroes without hope of redemption are the ones we root hardest for because in our own unshakable faith in romance, we cannot fathom a heart so deep or dark that it cannot be turned.”

And this one does it using French. Gosh, my skin heats at the memory of all the things he said or did. Sexy beast!

“Je veux saigner pour toi, mais tu es si grand et j'ai si peur.”

Dahlia is a girl who endured so much crap from people around her. It’s the case where children are responsible for their parents' sins and it sucks because no one should have to pay for the mistakes of their family. Theo is no better at treating Dahlia at first, but slowly their relationship turns to something deeper and meaningful. Still, I felt like screaming at the poor girl to pack her things and run.

“It still felt wrong sometimes. Like something she shouldn't want. But other times she'd catch herself looking at the marks he'd left on her skin, pressing them just to feel the shallow echoes of his touch, and something would catch in her throat and in those moments she could almost understand. The lines had been blurred and redrawn so many times that she was sometimes no longer sure where they were until they were wrapped around her throat.”

It’s really hard to describe Theo and Dahlia's relationship. Theo is an asshole but I have a weak spot for assholes in books. Of course I am biased and want to excuse his terrible behavior. Flawless morally grey characters make us sympathize with them even if we do not want to.

“This house bleeds memories," he whispered, with his fingers stroking down her cheek, her neck. "There's no fucking escaping it. It's all rotten and gone to shit and I can feel it dying all around me." She felt his sharp nose brush against her scalp, through her hair. "If you're not careful, I'll drag you down with me.”

Batter My Heart is a psychological book in many ways. You dive into it and get tangled among its many pages (500+). You insert yourself into the characters' lives and problems and afterward, when you turn the last page they already feel familiar and dear to you and then you need therapy to switch your mind from the story you just finished.

“It's hard to give up something once you've already decided it's yours. It's like picking up a rock at the beach and seeing it in the light for the first time. Maybe at first, it looks dull and flat. But then you notice that spark, that flare of color. And now that it's in your hand, blazing with fire, you can't bring yourself to throw it away because you're not sure you'll be able to find it again if you lost it. Or if it'll even be the same.”

Another strong part of the story is language. Nenia knows how to cut with words and soothe with beautiful prose. I think that the language in this book was one of the things that kept me rooted.

All in all, Batter My Heart is a flawed story about flawed people. You can’t take it too seriously but you also cannot ignore the series topics is brushes. Dark, lush, violent, and a little bit Gothic, it's a perfect match for those who wish for a dose of wickedness in their life.

[Heather ~*dread mushrooms*~ · Rating 4 out of 5]

Nothing is more intimate than suffering.

DISCLAIMER: I beta read an early version of this book, but it was incomplete, and most of this finished version (which I purchased from Amazon) is completely new to me.

I was worried I wouldn't be into this book at first, 1) because I loved Quid Pro Quo A LOT, 2) I don't generally enjoy college-set stories, and 3) Theo was just slightly too harsh and cruel for me to really root for him.

This is set in the same town as QpQ but it's your standard dual POV rather than dual timelines. It's also set strictly over the course of one year rather than several. I loved how it was broken up in sections by month, with each one featuring a quote from a book entitled Batter My Heart.

The college setting, while not my favorite, was really believable and popped off the page. I could totally picture the campus teeming with activity and creepy frat boys. My favorite parts happened at the beach and the beach house, however, and the author wrote some really nice passages to describe them. When I read her books, I always find myself highlighting beautiful writing just for the sake of it.

As for Theo, I got a better sense of him as a person in this finished version, and the fact that he was suffering from a mental illness came across much more clearly. I also felt that he and Dahlia had a better emotional connection, which made their actions throughout the book way more believable.

"I thought you couldn't wait to get rid of me."
"Why the fuck would you think that?" he asked, seeming genuinely surprised.
"Because you're... you're mean."

(I really love that little bit of dialogue! I actually thought it was weirdly cute.)

The side characters were all really good (or bad, lol) and the main villain was truly disgusting. I appreciated that after all the drama the author redeemed a couple of the mean girls and even had Dahlia stick up for them once or twice. It was nice to have it acknowledged that there are reasons behind people's behavior even if it's awful, and that people can change.

I thought the ending was a little abrupt, but when I went back and reread it this morning it felt more satisfying. It's basically an entire chapter long, with both POVs. Overall, for a book that's over 600 pages, it didn't feel even close to that length. I'm knocking my rating a little though, because there were several obvious typos and some formatting issues. I know ebooks are tricky AF to get right, especially if you're doing your own formatting (I can't make an embedded TOC for the LIFE of me) but a thorough proofread should have brought these issues to light. So instead of four stars I'm giving this 3.5.

[...] the waves washed away everything if you waited long enough, buffing even the most jagged shards into smooth and polished glass.

[Ro · Rating 4 out of 5]

all hail nenia, queen of the bad boys.
I don’t usually like bully romances but this was clearly an exception. ❤️

[Melluvsbooks]

Stopped reading at 58% - I’m bored. The h and H don’t have enough page time and I’m not feeling the attraction/connection.

[Hot Mess Sommelière ~ Caro · Rating 5 out of 5]

Petition for Nenia to start writing bodice rippers as Marguerite Le Guen!!!


I'm actually not big on bully romances. Or any books that have bullying as anything more than a sideplot, really. That being said, this novel handed the theme better than most. The main bully was the hero's brother, not the hero (although calling Theo callous and unhelpful would be an understatement, and he did many questionable things as well).

In terms of rapeyness, the bully and his friends repeatedly assaulted the heroine, but her interactions with Theo were a lot more ambiguous, BUT a lot of abuse happens in his presence or he knows about it.

Also, the hero is a drunk mess. So if alcoholism bothers you, steer clear.

I liked the heroine a lot, although apart from taste in old romance books, we have little in common.

I loved the fact that all the crappy people in the college were kind of balanced out by some good surprises, although it changed little.

The French was obviously researched, but there were still a few confounding errors in grammar and word choice.

Based on Through a Glass Darkly and even QPQ, Nenia polished her voice quite a bit. This was a long book, but since superfluous scenes never happened, it felt very smooth to read.

I really enjoyed all the Marguerite Le Guen "quotes" at the beginnings of the chapters, and they actually matched the themes.

Kudos for mentioning hard to get Theresa Denys books, I'd love to own them!


~ pre-review ~

My father studied History and Economics.

His focus was the Barbarian Invasions of ~AD375 to 568 so growing up, I had to hear a lot about the Saxons, the Franks, the Visigoths, the Ostrogtohs, the Vandals, the Goths and the Huns.

It's ... a lot. I'm not even sure these people themselves could have kept track of their migrations, battles, wars and fluctuations over the years, even if they had had facebook back then! Basically Europe was a huge airport terminal where everybody piled up, fought, and then dispersed in different directions, only to meet again for another battle later!

It was a hot mess.

And I love a good hot mess.

[Bar · Rating 5 out of 5]

4.5/5

I ve began to read and i was like "okay this bullying and then college and then college bullying it's all really stressful it's gonna be a solid four star rea-"

But then of course the more i read the more these two little monsters wormed their (both separate and shared) way straight into my poor little heart, taking it over and making it hurt

This book.
It's a book we barely deserved and yet we got it.

Nenia Campbell just took one of my most hated tropes -- bully romance - something that is so common lately and also usually poorly written, let's be honest -- and she went and wrote this awesome book. I mean how? But why am i even surprised. After a miracle of an Actual Amazing Stepbrother Romance, there we go again.

Speaking of QPQ - i loved crossover with Jay and Nick so damn much. (Not gonna lie i also spent a lot of time between reading BMH on fantasizing about Gavin conveniently appearing and murdering Audric just so I didn't have to do it- I felt about this evil @$&* just like i felt about Damon B. Fingers crossed we will see Gavin in The Mafia Romance... Who said that this job of his, mentioned vaguely in Escape, is not with the mob?? Conspiracy theories aside-)

As usual, the book was filled with lots and lots of perfect lines that i am too lazy to quote, and as usual i got very emotional about the characters.

Also, Jeez, that ending... A nice meet the Mom moment... And then he just... Theodork, how dare u. Poor Dahlia. *sighs happily*

There were so many awesome moments between these two (when i m rereading i will just skip all the Auric angst and focus solely on sweet, sweet dark romance) and the dual pov that allowed us to see some of their respective obliviousness was 👌

[Clarice · Rating 5 out of 5]

I think I was blasting "Where Do I Begin" by Andy Williams, from the movie "Love Story", on non-stop on loop while I was reading this book. Batter my Heart read like one of those tragic love stories one can only see in older movies and read in golden age bodice ripper books. Dahlia and Theo's romance hurt to read in certain sections of the book, but the best love stories have the characters work for their HEA!

When Dahlia Blackwell's grandmother passes away, her and her mother move into her grandmother's condo located in Ridgeview, California. Dahlia comes to find out the she and her mother aren't exactly welcome in town due to her grandmother and mother's complicated respective pasts. As Dahlia tries to navigate the towns hostile atmosphere she meets Theodoric Dubourdieu (Theo), a well off boy who has a complicated history of his own. Unfortunately, she also meets Theo's younger brother, Audric, who becomes obsessed with her. Just as a side note here this is not a reverse harem and Dahlia is only in a relationship with one person in this book.

I loved the cruel, tragic, tortured hero that was Theodoric Dubourdieu and the defiant, strong-willed heroine that was Dahlia Blackwell. Their personalities complimented each others so well in terms evolving the chemistry of their romance. The push-pull between the two was simply agonizingly magnificent! I especially love the scene where the two first meet one another on the beach, very romantic! I also appreciated all the 80/90s movie and pop culture references. I grew up watching older movies like "Labyrinth" and "Princess Bride" on VHS.

I wish "Death Be Not Proud" was a real book! As soon as it was mentioned in the book along with it's description, I immediately tried looking it up to see if it was a real book. Sadly it only exists in the world of Battery My Heart, but Nenia if you are reading this please write this book!

The only issue I had with this book was that we never really learn anything about Dahlia's grandmother's history, like why did everyone in town hate her so much? Was she really a drug dealer, did she have a relationship with one or a few of the well off men of Ridgeview? We never really find out.

Overall, a well written and complex romance. Side note, I would like to petition to create a new genre of romance called "new-age bodice rippers", which this books would fall perfectly under. I need more books like this!

[Aicha ⋆｡°✩ · Rating 5 out of 5]

Wow wow wow! Nenia Campbell is quickly becoming a favourite author and yes, I have only read two books by her and yes, I just found out about her last week, but still, her writing has captured me! I could not put this down.

First and foremost, please check the triggers for this book, because there are many that may be difficult for some to read. Your health comes first 🙏

This was more than just a dark college bully romance. It was so nuanced that I could probably talk about this book for so long. But I’ll try (keyword: try) and keep it short and focus on my favourite parts.

First, the bullying aspect of the book. Reading this has turned the axis for me on what a real bully romance should be like. Even though Theo (the mmc) wasn’t the one doing the bullying per se, Nenia managed to capture the real psychological effects of prolonged bullying. As someone who suffered bullying in high school, this felt so real, and even though I never experienced the extremes that Dahlia (the fmc) went through. The portrayal of the anxiety, stress, paranoia, and self-doubt were so accurate. But despite all that she went through, Dahlia was so strong and proud even if she didn’t see it herself. I don’t think I or anyone I know could have kept standing with all that she went through. But I would say it is a product of her upbringing: Dahlia’s mother who suffered terrible trauma and pain in that small town, as did her grandmother, were both strong woman in their own right and passed that strength onto Dahlia. It was beautiful to see woman continuing to be the majestic and powerful forces that they are despite attempts by men 😤 to bring them down.

”Because she could feel this—the bullying—changing her, shaping her, against her will. She began second-guessing every outfit, setting up rules for herself. No midriff, no cleavage, no bare arms or legs. No lipstick. Nothing that would ask for it. She knew, deep down, that the rules wouldn’t help, but couldn’t seem to stop herself from scrabbling for some small amount of control over situation.”

(Page, 118).

This brings me onto the mother-daughter relationship. This I would say hit close to home for me, but I also really appreciated the realistic display of the bond. I feel like a lot of female characters in romance books either have a “sunshine and roses” perfect relationship with their mum, or they have a toxic and unhealthy relationship or they have no mother at all. It is always to an extreme, and I rarely see a relationship that is balanced and layered, where yes there are times you get along, but there are also moments when you butt heads and hurt each other (not always intentionally). I also understand the struggle to communicate with each other. You want to share your pain and hurt but are scared of how the other will see you or that they may not see you at all.

Reading this a lot of times I found myself speaking into my kindle wanting the characters to just communicate better, for Theo to step-up more, but I realised that I was trying to make this into a happy-go-lucky romcom when it is clearly a dark romance exploring dark themes and the pain and hurt that comes with life.

”Sometimes it took pain to remind yourself you were still alive.”

(Page, 108).

I would definitely describe this book as a slow read. BUT NOT IN A BAD WAY. In a way where you take your time to get to know Dahlia and Theo intimately. You walk in their shoes and understand the dark hidden parts of themselves. I really enjoyed this aspect. I loved seeing their day to day life as individuals, before they were together. Often I read a romance, or any genre really where I get characters thrown at me and I'm expected to feel for them when I barely understand them and the writer doesn't give me time to do this. I get that a lot of readers find slower books boring, or think long descriptions are superfluous. But I think if done well (which this was) and if the writing is good (which it is) then slow books can be the best type of reading.

As a dark academia enthusiast this scratched that itch so good! Following Dahlia in her classes, exploring her studies was just so fun and nerdy for me. I loved it!! But again, Nenia showed the realistic experiences for university/college students. Theo’s stress and constant self-doubt over writing his thesis was so like my own experience. The number of times I’ve binned essays for no reason 😭 Also, Dahlia’s struggle with her academics, the constant fear of dropping grades and her scholarship hanging in the balance was so real. I read a lot of romances were the main girl is “not like other girls” and even though she gets “stressed” always gets perfect grades (I hate these people in real life, show me the pain! The struggle!).

”No girl is like other girls,” she said, biting off every word. “Every girl is different. Her own body. Her own mind. They’re not the same.”

(Page, 347).

Finally, Theo dirty talking in French did things to me 🥵😮‍💨

───── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ─────
⭐ 4.5
🌶️ 4/5 (open-door, dub-con)

✧ ˚ · .tropes. · ˚ ✧
🖤 mental health rep (bipolar, depression, anxiety)
🖤 poor girl x rich boy
🖤 bully romance
🖤 morally grey hero (anti-hero)
🖤 obsessed hero
🖤 small town
🖤 outcast fmc
🖤 slow-burn
🖤 hate-to-love
🖤 university/college romance
🖤 dark academia


🤎 pov: dual (third person)
🤎 ow/om drama: Theo is with the ow once after he meets fmc, but before he is officially with the fmc, after that he is very loyal
🤎 no cheating between main characters
🤎 third act breakup: none!

━━━━⊱⋆⊰━━━━

[juli✨ · Rating 4 out of 5]

i was waffling between three (and some change) and four stars, but you know … for my mans Theodoric i had to go four stars. he was so extra, so unhinged, and yet low-key so lovable (at least in my eyes) that i had to give batter my heart four stars.


Nenia is a genius when it comes to writing unhinged villain heroes <3

[Nut Meg · Rating 4 out of 5]

In many ways this is a very self-aware ode to the old-school bodice-ripper romances; the heroine, Dahlia, is from the wrong side of the tracks with an unearned reputation, whose only crime is drawing the attention of the wealthy Dubourdieu brothers, little lords of their college town, each more dangerous than the other. Though there's no love-triangle per-say, the plot is largely moved forward by the brothers struggle over Dahlia, as she is forced to choose between the lesser of two evils.

Campbell doesn't shy away from acknowledging the issues of consent and the heroes' repeated abuse of power in his relationship with Dahlia. However, these issues are made more palatable than the average bully-romance due to Campbell's rather meta overtures to the reader; in a nod to the authors influences, Dahlia is a fan of bodice-rippers and waxes at length on her blog about how fiction allows for a safe space to explore ideas about sexual agency and violence, tacitly assuring readers that there's nothing wrong with enjoying fantasies that run counter to what would be desired in real-life. Moreover, Dahlia is given a decidedly feminist perspective, repeatedly identifying the slut-shaming and double standards she endures throughout the narrative. As dark and toxic as BMH's romance is, Campbell clearly draws the line at victim-blaming. However, that is perhaps one of the only lines BMH doesn't cross.

Violence is omnipresent throughout the narrative, to varying degrees, and as is so often the case in this genre, the "hero" is merely less guilty than the "villain" by comparison. However, for any reader who can stomach that, the cat-and-mouse struggle is deliciously dirty. Not only that, but BMH is the rare example of a narrative maintaining the tension of the central will-they-won't-they without running out of steam by the 11th hour. There are real stakes behind their decisions and genuine, believable reasons for each to doubt the others motives and feelings until the very end. For anyone with a taste for angst, power games and irredeemably messed up romantic leads, this will be utterly satisfying.

[t malik · Rating 1 out of 5]

never been this glad for a book to end🙏
buddy read this with my bestie ellie and the headache we both got😖

[Cifa · Rating 4 out of 5]

everything about this story was a trigger for me.

Loved ones struggling with Mental health? Yup.
Hospitalized loved ones? Hell fucking yea.
Fighting through Depression? Anxiety? Restlessness? Yup. Yup. Fucking Yup.

Yet, I would could pull through all that.

But, you know what actually completely destroyed my mental health…

Stressing about GPAs and course loads and fancy scholarships? TRIGGERED.

I DID not sign up to be read to filth, by this novel.


Dahlia’s stressing about her gpa, and Theo shitting himself writing that thesis got ME sweating under my blanket thinking about I should have been stressing about my shit too, working on MY college finals shit.

plz warn a gal next time, bestie, some of us are college procrastinators.



The story is dark academia + a gothic romance + depravity in that sort of drunken-gritty poet sort of way + a heroine you will always root for + a hero who broods so bad you feel your own depression kicking in + a really inspiring commentary on bodice-rippers and the romance genre in general + all my favourite toxic tropes that I am too embarrassed to list out.

[Jana (The Booksnob)]

My list of Nenia's books keep growing and growing.

[Ayesha the Great &#x1f349; (Barbie's Version)]

cover goals, am I right? (i'm in love with the color scheme)

[Mojo_Mama]

*puts-glasses-on*

What the actual fuck is happening on that cover??!??!??!??

SERIOUSLY.

[Maraya21 (The Reading Dragon)]

I maaayyyy have died on the spot upon seeing this and I maaayyyy come back to life to read this and be destroyed, after which I maaayyyy continue crying for eternity cause [incoherent OMFG noises] 😭🤩😍🥰😘🖤

[Lissa · Rating 3 out of 5]

Enjoyable, but not what I expected. There's no love triangle, and there is no romantic obsession. In fact, I'd place this as more of an erotica/thriller with a sprinkle of romance. Theo is absolutely obsessed with Dahlia, but there is nothing nice, tender, or romantic about it. He pushes Dahlia and himself to the limit, and you're not quite sure how the pair will act next. There's also an unexpected, but not unwelcome, amount of thoughtful introspection and meta-analysis. The ending was rushed - after the climax, it basically goes into epilogue mode with quick one-line summarizations of where the side characters end; there really needed to be an additional exploration of their relationship considering how things left off.

[Elle Galea · Rating 5 out of 5]

Ugh so good, true bully romance

I LOVED this. A true bully romance, even crossing over into something worse I think considering the crap our heroine endures. Fantastic character development in a long juicy book . I felt like this story really got the page count it deserved and it just kept going! Things were really heating up with lots of twists and I was pleased to see I was only 38% in. I stayed up over several nights to read this. Always a fan of Nenia since Fearscape and this one lives up to my high standards. Loved it.

[Tamara · Rating 3 out of 5]

Good read but not what I expected

This is the second book I’ve read by this author, and although I enjoyed Quid Pro Quo, this book was well done. It follows Dahlia and Theo and is a college bully romance. Dahlia moves to her grandmother's condo upon her death with her mother. Her mother keeps a family secret, and no one in the town likes this family. It's a small elitist town where the 1% live. The only college in this town is a private college for the elite. This book was SLOW going; initially, it read like a self-discovery book for both characters. Theo is very troubled, and when you meet him, he's in a psych ward. Dahlia is very insecure about everything, especially friendships and being poor in this town. The two main characters don’t interact much until about 40% into the book. And there didn't appear to be any chemistry. Neither character came off as likable, but the supporting characters in the book were less likable, so I liked them by default. About 60% into the book, the sex scenes were pretty dark. There was no trigger warning in the beginning, so I'll say now that there is blood play, dub-con, and non-con in this book. And there is a bullying aspect from Theo's brother that feels very predatory.
The ending felt rushed , and I didn’t feel like enough for this book fleshed out these characters falling in love, and I wasn’t sure if there would be a happy ending .

I may read other books by this author, but I've noticed that the female characters always are so poor and hate everything about the wealthy lifestyle that it seems unlikely for them to end up with a billionaire. It doesn't fit the billionaire romance troupe, so I'm not sure how to categorize it.

[Nishat Tarannum · Rating 5 out of 5]

I love all your books so so much. When will you release it? I'm waiting for this one eagerly.

[Alissa · Rating 3 out of 5]

Oof this was a stressful read. From the moment Dahlia moves to Ridgeview the atmosphere is oppressive and dangerous with the whole town having an opinion about Dahlia’s family based on the actions, and rumours of her grandmother and mother and ultimately the prejudice of the town. The vibe of the town actually reminded me of We Have Always Lived in the Castle by Shirley Jackson.

The result is that you’re constantly waiting for something bad to happen and feeling like there’s no way to avoid it because of the oppressive manipulation and violence of this town. The only times i felt like Dahlia was safe was with Theo, which tells you something about how dangerous the unknown is because Theo has no qualms about hurting Dahlia but at least his brand of pain is … known? … sexy? … has some limits and rules?

Theo himself is fascinating. I loved his POV and really felt for his situation, his mental struggles and his past traumas. Sometimes his thoughts about Dahlia were adorable and while he definitely came around to stand up for his thoughts in the end, i wish he’d been a little more vocal about his feelings at times.

The excerpts by Marguerite le Guen were exceptional. They really set the tone and i was dying to read more from this fictional version of Batter My Heart and loved the significance this book ended up having for our couple. You can see echoes of the idea for Raise The Blood in this story too and Nenia’s skill at writing in a vintage style. Although i will say this is probably not as good as some of her other works where the writing is cleaner, the relationships more of a focus and the pacing better. Which is why I’m giving it 3 stars instead of 4.

This was another beautiful exploration of a toxic, complex relationship dynamic with traumatised, damaged people trying to survive in an actively toxic and dangerous world. I also loved the Nick and Jay cameo and think Cerys deserves whatever would be her idea of the worst punishment.

[Whisker · Rating 4 out of 5]

This was darkly entertaining and I felt swept into Theo an Dahlia's story. It was hard to see Theo struggling and not really putting in any effort to get better so he was stuck in a vicious cycle. Dahlia was a great match for him because she just accepted that with Theo things are never linear. He may have been an asshole but at the end of the day, he was there for her.

I was also super excited to see Nicholas and Jay again. If you haven't read Nenia's other book, Quid Pro Quo, I urge you to check it out!

[zara ia ૮꒰ ˶• ༝ •˶꒱ა ♡ · Rating 3 out of 5]

3.75☆



definitely check the trigger warnings for this because it gets pretty dark even by dark romance standards but this was such a fun read. i am a sucker for pretty writing and so much of this prose was pretty as fuck - definitely veered towards purple prose occasionally but it was reigned in imo. the dialogue wasn't perfect and there was a few spelling/grammar errors but the imagery was so vivid and intricate at parts so it almost felt like i was right there. i really loved the characterisation but this was one of the few romances that seemed to favour the mmcs development and depth compared to the fmc. i'm not even mad about it because the mmc felt so refreshing and super endearing (he's an asshole but i could fix him) and i still liked the fmc as a character! outside of the mcs there were a handful of supporting characters who fell short of their potential; the main antagonist especially - his story got tied up really abruptly and it felt a little unsatisfying.

the ending in general felt somewhat rushed in comparison to the rest of the book which threw off the pacing - the first half of this book was definitely a slow burn and it was 600 pages so i was expecting a slightly more drawn out ending. this definitely reads like a love letter to bodice rippers and felt very gothic and i am obsessed! it's fairly long but there's a lot of focus on the characters themselves which is something i wish i saw more of in dark romance: there was probably only like 3 interactions between the 2 mcs in the first 200 pages but it was still almost impossible to put down so i think that speaks for itself. provided you took note of the trigger warnings and there's no issues there it's definitely worth giving a chance. i'm genuinely shocked at the lack of ratings.

content warnings
graphic: classism, bullying, sexual content, sexual harassment, sexual assault, sexual violence, misogyny, slut-shaming, rape, noncon, dubcon, mental illness, bipolar, bipolar mania, kidnapping, depression, drug use, alcoholism, drugging, drug tampering
moderate: suicidal thoughts, suicide attempt, drug abuse, grief, violence, schizophrenia/psychosis, forced institutionalisation, injury/injury detail, blood, knife play
minor: fire/fire injury, suicide, death of parent, prostitution/sex work, abandonment, self harm

[Amy · Rating 5 out of 5]

The crimes I would commit to read more of Nenia Campbell's writing, I swear. Though this novel had its faults, it was like reading customized crack.

Before I say anything else, it's not a book for everyone. It's a bully romance, which means dub-con and an intentional lack of sweetness. And even though I rated it five stars, I didn't love everything about the pacing or the characters--I was just so happy to see smart, evocative writing that I wanted to balance out the current rating. Finding any romance that I can't put down (and I couldn't put this down) is something to celebrate.

Thoughts in no particular order:

- When I opened this on Kindle and saw that it was 600+ pages, I wanted to squeal in joy. Nenia's writing is gorgeous and layered and her style is exactly what I like: she builds, she lingers, she lets us live in the world she's built. I didn't mind that there's a chunk of time before the MC and MMC meet--the page length reassured me that I'd see them together, so I enjoyed them circling in each other's orbit before finally clashing together.

- Again, the writing. It's smart. Extended metaphors. Punchy lines. Wit. You can tell Nenia is a critical consumer of media: there's intelligent, interesting meta-commentary on bodice rippers (essentially, dub-con) and romance; there's commentary on social class and family legacy; there's commentary on feminism and empowerment. It reminded me of what I love to talk about in my own life: how I'll hold up a Rosemary Rodgers book next to one of the cutesy contemporary covers of a modern romance novel and ask how and why do you think and are we happy with.

- It was a treat to read this as a collector of old romance novels, myself. Sitting on my bed, I could see my own copies of Stormfire and Mountain Mistress and The Silver Devil. Considering who'd pick up this book, perhaps the romance novel angle could be considered pandering, but I ate it up. We get the "MC who loves reading and libraries" all the time, and this wasn't that. So it was refreshing.

- One downside of the slower pacing was that anything done quickly stood in stark relief. I'd go pages and pages feeling happily immersed in the MC's world and strife only to suddenly see the author's hand smack a plot device on the page.

For example, Dahlia, the MC, has no hope of attending college. She's broke. Her mom is broke. The only university in town is prestigious, one meant for the upper echelon of society and their deep wallets, and it's where the Theo, the MMC, attends as a senior. Well, wouldn't you know it, but this random couple just so happens to be offering a private full ride scholarship! Dahlia does not have an impressive high school GPA or stand-out awards, but of course she gets it. And...we never see that couple who gave it to her again. They were just the means by which Dahlia would be forced into Theo's more immediate orbit.

(I realize that couple have their own book, so their hello/goodbye inclusion in this one might have felt more like a treat than an awkward plot device if you'd read about them first...but I hadn't read it, so I was especially underwhelmed).

- Another problem with the pacing was the end/climax. The book felt immersive and enjoyably meandering for so long that when I reached 90% completion, I thought I must have misunderstood and that this was book 1 of 2 because...how could we build to a finish with only 10% left? Well, revelations and a wrap-up were had, but they didn't do justice to the book's initial promise. It felt like an ending to a 200 page book, not a 650 one. We either needed a part two, or an additional 100 pages.

- At one point, the line "I hurt everything I touch" was used. I love me a compelling, inwardly broken MMC, but it was a bit of a letdown to read something I've seen so often before. It felt cheesy in a book that normally didn't feel cliché.

- I could have read pages and pages more about Theo, our bipolar, lonely, deeply unhappy MMC. I found him fascinating. I worried for him, he kept me on edge, I always wondered and feared what he would do next. I needed more pages about Dahlia, though. She liked romance novels and struggled with her grandmother's legacy, but...I needed more to like. I rooted for her and empathized with her, absolutely, but she was forgettable.

-Another thing about Dahlia was her frustrating tendency to ignore her gut. You've been harshly bullied on campus, you fear the sorority sisters and frat bros, you're terrified of losing your scholarship so you want to study and...so you go clubbing with your roommate who's rushing for the sorority you fear the most? Why? I understand there's an element of hope, there--despite it all, Dahlia wants to belong and be happy and her attempts are tenuous, heartbreaking things, but sometimes I still wanted to shake her.

-I was on board with the bullying romance angle. Loved the manipulation. I thought the transition from "you're a means to get off" to "you're a means to get off and what are these feelings I'm having" was brilliant. Selfishly, though, I wish there would have been a bit more time where Tho and Dahlia were on the same team. They were at odds until the very, very end; if they'd been able to work together (even grudgingly) and tackle an obstacle together, if I'd gotten to see a longer "hey, so this is why I love you and here's what's changed" conversation, then...I would have been happier.

- It should be said again: Nenia Campbell gets it. Like, look at this line:

There was something devastating about being handled gently by a cruel man.

Yes! Exactly. A one sentence sum-up of the appeal of villainous men.

So, would I change some things about this? Yes. Am I happy I read it? Absolutely. It was seriously a treat to find something so immersive and well-written.

[Coco.V]

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