Everywhere I Look: A Memoir

by Ona Gritz

In 1982, twenty-five-year-old Angie Boggs, pregnant with her second child, was brutally murdered, along with her husband and infant son. Ill equipped for the horror of that violence and the enormity of her loss, Angie’s sister Ona, a college sophomore, felt numb. She also felt deeply ashamed of her inability to grieve.But shame, like her sister’s absence, was something Ona knew well. For as long as she could remember, she’d felt ashamed of being their parents’ blatantly favored child. The disabled daughter they’d coddled and protected while they alternately punished and neglected Angie and finally sent her away.It wasn’t until thirty years after the murders, both their parents gone and Ona nearly twice the age Angie was allowed to reach, that she developed the courage and a detective’s compulsion to learn all shecould about her sister’s turbulent life and unthinkable death. The result is Everywhere I Look, a beautifully rendered memoir of sisterhood, longing, true crime, and family secrets. A profoundly moving reckoning and love letter.

Genres: Memoir, Nonfiction, True Crime, Biography

238 pages, Kindle Edition

Published April 16, 2024

About the author

Ona Gritz writes memoir, essays, and poetry for adults, verse novels for teens, and fiction for children. Her memoir, Everywhere I Look, will be released on April 16th from Apprentice House Press of Loyola University.

Ona’s nonfiction has appeared widely, including in The New York Times, The Guardian, The Utne Reader, Brevity, Parents, The Rumpus, and River Teeth. Among her recent honors are two Notable mentions in The Best American Essays and A Best Life Story in Salon.

Ona’s poetry collection Geode was a finalist for the Main Street Rag Poetry Book Award. Her poems can be found in Ploughshares, The Bellevue Literary Review, One Art, Catamaran Literary Reader, Stone Gathering, SWWIM, Literary Mama, and elsewhere. In 2020, she won The Poetry Archive Now: Wordview 2020 Project.

Ona’s 2023 novel for children, August Or Forever, was a Reader’s Choice and Wishing Shelf finalist in middle grade fiction. The Space You Left Behind, her first young adult novel, written in verse, is forthcoming from West 44 Books in June 2024.

Reviews

[Sheila · Rating 3 out of 5]

I received a free copy of, Everywhere I Look, by Ona Gritz, from the publisher and Netgalley in exchange for an honest review. Twenty-five year old Angie Boggs, her husband and infant son Ray, an unborn child were brutally murdered. Angie sister Ona has many questions and memories of her sister. Angie did not have a good or fair life, Ona wanted to learn all about her sister and her life. An intriguing read, about a poor sweet soul.

[Alexandria Faulkenbury · Rating 5 out of 5]

Gripping from start to finish.
While an incredibly specific story, Gritz still gets at quite a few universal truths about the complexity of sibling relationships.

[Kathleen Riggs · Rating 5 out of 5]

Sister Secrets Survival and Horrific Murder.
Everywhere I Look is a beautiful memoir written by Ona Gritz. Ona lost her pregnant sister, brother-in-law, and nephew at 19 to a horrific murder It is the tragic story of not only Angie her husband son and the baby girl she was carrying but the tragic sad life Angie also endured at the hands of her mother.
Ona bears her heart and soul in this book after 30 years Ona shares the deep dark family secrets which were not only hidden from Angie but the whole family. There are two older children from their mothers first marriage whom Angie and Ona did not know existed. Then there is Angie's adoption into the family which ends up being a surrogate birth or a quick fling behind the bar one evening between their father and an unknown woman and kept hidden.
Both girls where treated no differently one loved one not by their parents. Ona this book is beautifully written about sister secrets and survival. You honor your sister in this heart rendering book with your honesty and love as you piece together your lives and journeys as you recount your sister Angie's troubled path to adulthood and then Angie and her whole family's horrific death. I loved and mourned her with you as you told your story. Thank you for sharing your story. Thanks to NetGalley and to the publishers of this book for giving me a free advance copy of the book to preview and I am leaving this review voluntarily.

[Deb Oestreicher · Rating 5 out of 5]

We often blame people—even those we love—for the bad things that happen to them; this hard-to-put-down memoir interrogates that impulse with compassion and clear-sightedness so we understand what drives it and also its multiple harms.

It is a beautifully written book about sisters, secrets, and survival. Ona Gritz’s older sister, Angie, was found murdered with her family when the author was a college student. Gritz vividly renders her early childhood with Angie and takes us on parallel journeys as she recounts her sister’s troubled path to adulthood, the revelation of a succession of family secrets, and ultimately Gritz’s effort, decades later, to understand how and why Angie and her family were killed.

Recommended.

[Lisa · Rating 5 out of 5]

Outstanding memoir about the author’s relationship with her older sister, who is murdered along with her husband, child and unborn child. I found the writing very gripping, and this book was hard to put down.

[Alyson · Rating 5 out of 5]

Everywhere I Look by Ona Gritz is a beautiful book about sibling loss, family secrets, grief, shame and how coming to an understanding of all of these things can take decades. The whole book is written by the narrator, Ona, to her deceased sister, Angie. It's a book full of love and care for Angie and her story. And Angie was a woman who was not shown a lot of care in her life or in her death, (She, and her partner and child, were brutally murdered by an acquaintance). And I was a little nervous diving into it, because murder isn't something I love reading about but the way the author handles it and reveals the details, is so pitch perfect. It was incredibly powerful. Not only is Ona taking back her sibling relationship with Angie but also giving us an opportunity to do the same with our own relationships, by showing us the way. Treat the ones we love with care. And ourselves with the same amount of understanding.

[Read-n-Bloom · Rating 4 out of 5]

TITLE: Everywhere I Look: A Memoir
AUTHOR: Ona Gritz
GENRE: True Crime; Nonfiction; Memoir

This memoir by Ona Gritz was written about the death of her sister, Angie, Angie’s husband/partner, their baby son Ray-Ray, and their unborn baby. Mrs. Gritz grew up with cerebral palsy that caused her to have a limp and her sister, Angie, who was older than her, was always encouraging her and giving her love except when she was gone from her. And that was often. Gritz couldn’t understand why she just would pick up and leave. Never telling her really that she was going. It made Ona so lonely, but she learned to get used to it thinking that all families were like this. After they got older, Gritz, a sophomore in college, and Angie, out on her own with a partner/husband, a baby son, and one on the way. Ona had come to visit her sister and her sister’s family and she enjoyed her time with them, but didn’t really understand why some couple was there, but didn’t ask questions. Then after the visit they find out that Angie and her family were missing and no one seemed to know what happened. What happened was so bizarre and heartbreakingly tragic and this is the subject of the memoir. Her sister’s death, her family life when she was home, secrets that were kept inside the family that Ona never knew anything about. Very interesting but tragic story of true crime. Thank you to #NetGalley, the publishers, and author for the opportunity to read and review #EverywhereILook with my honest thoughts and opinions.

[Lisa · Rating 5 out of 5]

To have the courage to write her sister's and her own story in such a raw way is commendable. Not only that, but Gritz is not just someone who wrote a painful family story, but she did it well. Her writing is engaging. I cried at the end for a life cut short and for a sister who faced family demons to discover the truth.

[Sam Plotino · Rating 5 out of 5]

A heartbreaking story, beautifully written.

[Ashley Rogers · Rating 5 out of 5]

I loved that this book went into such detail of how she learned who her sister was after she was killed and how the Author realizes she ignored things growing up and sees the truth now as an adult. I would most definitely recommend this book to my friends and book group.

[Zack Rogow · Rating 5 out of 5]

Everywhere I Look is a moving story about the love between two sisters, and the tragic events that cut short that family connection. Told in a voice that is both intimate and poetic, this book will surprise and delight you.

[Maryann Taylor · Rating 5 out of 5]

What a novel! We all have challenges in our life but not like this family. I'm happy I live a simple life
.

[Laura Stahly Dronkowski · Rating 5 out of 5]

Thank you NetGalley for allowing me to read the ARC for this book. I could not put this one down and my heart broke for the tragedies Ona's sister experienced in her short life. The author bared her sould about her relationship with her sister and the events that transpired, it was emotionally difficult to read, but also a wonderful tribute to her sister.

[BAM who is Beth Anne · Rating 5 out of 5]

I always find it hard to rate and review memoirs because it’s someone else’s truth and who am I to comment on that?

Ona Gritz told a compelling narrative here that made me feel something. And that in and of itself was successful. She told the story of her sister and now that story is out in the world. I’m so glad I stumbled upon this book, Ona and Annie will be with me for a while.

[Michele Dawson Haber · Rating 5 out of 5]

THIS book! I read it in a single sitting, and I hadn’t done that in years. Everywhere I Look is both detective story and memoir and utterly entrancing. Ona writes with an honesty and precision that frequently made me gasp and tear up. She talks directly to her older sister, Angie as she embarks on a quest to make sense of her sister’s life as well as of her death by murder. It feels like she is writing a letter to Angie, as if she hopes that maybe, somehow, she might read it. It’s a perfect choice—Ona wants Angie to understand that she was loved, is not forgotten, and that the way she died does not define her. But Ona is not just speaking to Angie, she is speaking to anyone who has been raised in a family shrouded in secrets, fear, and blame and believes they were somehow responsible for anything that went wrong. Thirty years after the tragic death of Angie and her young family, Ona uncovers answers to questions she has long suppressed. It is a quest that ends in the best possible way, freeing Ona from the assumptions and guilt that held her down for decades and resuscitating Angie’s life and legacy as only a gifted writer and loving sister can do.

[Libby · Rating 5 out of 5]

I read a digital copy of this book and as others said, it’s gripping and unputdownable. Not only is it a loving testament to Ona and Angie’s sisterly bond, it also uncovers the secrets their parents kept about Angie’s origin and the existence of half siblings from their mother’s previous marriage. We witness Ona being kept in a protective bubble while Angie is sent away to institutions for delinquent children. Ona’s masterful writing keeps a balance between compassion for all concerned and a strong focus on truth telling. A powerful and unforgettable story!

[Dorothy Rice · Rating 5 out of 5]

To classify Everywhere I Look: A Memoir as a memoir (as stated on the cover) is, in this case, an over-simplification. As other reviews have stated, Ona Gritz’s book about her quest to discover the truth of what happened to her sister Angie, her toddler nephew (baby Ray-Ray), and her brother-in-law Ray is, in many ways, genre defying. Yes, it is a memoir. Yes, it’s narrative nonfiction. It’s also a true crime story and a coming-of-age story. It is also the poignantly told tale of one family’s twisted knot of painful secrets going back decades, the kind of secrets that cut and wound in life-altering ways.

Trigger warning: this is a deeply tragic story and a very sad one. I cried, though the writing is never over-blown or self-indulgent. Everywhere I Look is skillfully, beautifully written and crafted; the author’s background as a poet, her love of language and knowledge of craft, are evident. Writerly concerns aside, the research that went into finding the true story of her sister’s life and tragic end rival the work of any detective and must have been excruciatingly painful on a personal level.

The author’s older sister (only 26, very much in love and pregnant with her second child), baby nephew, and brother-in-law were murdered in 1982 in a San Francisco apartment. At the time, the author was visiting her sister with a friend while on a break from studying poetry at the Naropa Institute in Florida. She won’t learn all of the awful details of what exactly happened to that hopeful young family for another thirty years. Nor will she learn the truth of the circumstances of her sister’s birth and childhood—or her own. Not until she begins the difficult, painful research that eventually becomes this book, a process that she likens to peeling the paint off an old building.

The known facts were that three bodies were discovered jammed into a crawl space and, thanks to two intrepid San Francisco homicide detectives, the murderers (who were living in the same apartment with the young couple) were apprehended in Florida, tried, and convicted. But the story, as the author discovers decades later, is much more complicated, and steeped in the past, than that.

Since childhood, the author had accepted the facts about her big sister—whom she loved dearly—her parents, and herself as they had been explained to her and as they had always appeared. That her sister was adopted, and that she grew up to be a troubled runaway, a drug-addicted teenager, that she deserved the punishments she received, and that her dangerous lifestyle likely had everything to do why she was so brutally murdered and then virtually forgotten (there was never a service or grave markers for her sister or nephew, who were buried alongside Ray by his family).

Ultimately, page by page, discovery by discovery, interview by interview, secret by secret, through reviewing court documents, school records, speaking to remaining family members, and more, the author finds her big sister and herself. In the book’s final chapter, the author finds closure by adding her sister and the child’s names to Ray’s gravestone:

“Of course it was heartbreaking, a gravestone for an entire family who had died violently. At the time, I also saw it as a kind of mending. So much had been withheld and taken from you in your brief life, and I’d been incapable of doing anything about it. Now, finally, I’d figured out a way to stand up for you. and soon I’d do it again by writing our story.”

Everywhere I Look is dedicated to the author’s sister, Angie Boggs, who died far too young. I recommend it highly, as a moving tribute to a beloved sister and a chilling reminder of the fundamental role of the parent to love and protect the children—all of the children. Reviewed for Story Circle

[Rona Maynard · Rating 5 out of 5]

With a poet's eye for the indelible detail and a detective's commitment to justice for the dead, Ona Gritz goes on a years-long quest for the truth about her murdered sister and uncovers a dark fairy tale. Her memoir EVERYWHERE I LOOK broke my heart, scattered the pieces and gathered them together in a tribute to sisterhood itself.

As the Brothers Grimm well knew, many parents divide the spoils of love so that one can thrive in opposition to the other. Ona, whose name means "graced, favored one" in Hebrew, was cast early as the family's hope, the good girl indulged and protected, while bad-girl Angie became the family shame, packed off to so-called "boarding schools" that in fact were prisons for cast-off kids. Angie never learned that she deserved love and care; Ona carried a boulder of guilt. "[B]eing so blatantly favored made me feel like the evil stepsister in a fairy tale, even as it made me feel secure."

Her judgment stunted by a lifetime of emotional and physical abuse, Angie trusted the grifters who killed her, along with her husband and baby. She was 25, pregnant and full of hope for her young marriage.

Awful people do awful things, like the scorpion in the fable who killed the frog because "it's my nature." Ona's parents were not awful people--rather, flawed people who kept secrets and convinced themselves that living a lie (more precisely, a knot of them) was in everyone's best interests.
Many moments in EVERYWHERE I LOOK had me seething on behalf of both daughters. I all but yelled, "How could you?" These parents were in too deep, that's how. I thought of Philip Larkin:

They fuck you up, your mum and dad.
They may not mean to, but they do.
They fill you with the faults they had
And add some extra, just for you.

Ona tells the whole confounding truth as she unearthed it, keeping me on the rocky path of her story. A lesser writer would have slipped into prosecutorial mode; this writer lets her characters reveal themselves as believable characters trying their best. Angie, a dancing flame, captured me with the zest of her life, not the violence of her death.

Favoritism is a killer of sibling bonds, research tells us, and Ona saw how it pained her sister. Yet what stands out between these two is not the jealousy but the pride in each other and the yearning for connection as they bickered, cuddled and wore each other's close--like me and my sister, or you and yours. In a family riven by deception, they both had the heart to let love be their compass. Defying Philip Larkin's prediction, they had an innate good sense that eluded both their parents.
Ona begins her tale in the last hours of Angie's life, as the sisters enjoy a sunny afternoon at Golden Gate Park. Angie boasts to her friend Greg, who has tagged along, "My sister's not just cute. She's an A student.... She's the brains of the family." The voice of sisterly pride. How proud Angie would be of the compassion and narrative power that Ona has brought to this book. If you have a sister, you might want to read it together.

[Michelle · Rating 4 out of 5]

Everywhere I Look: A Memoir – Ona Gritz – 2024 –
“A secretive family is, by nature and necessity, an isolated one.” - Ona Gritz –
In this loving memorial tribute to Ona Gritz late sister Andra/Angie Boggs (1956-82), who’s senseless murder motivated her to seek knowledge, truth, and understanding of their troubled family dynamic and the connections that bind: not just in life, but also in the tragedy of death, and in the encompassing smoldering grief that remains. Years after her sister died, the death of both parents, and loss of her half-brother, Steve, a request for Andra’s public records opened her private and quiet investigation.

Although Ona adored her older sister, she realized from an early age that she was the favored daughter, the good, smart, obedient one. “I hope they don’t turn you against me-” her sister had said to Ona: their indifferent parents had already labeled Andra a seriously troubled “runaway” and surrendered her to the state foster care system. Why was this? Eventually Ona would complete her college education and earn an MFA in library science at NYU. Ona accessed the vast index of public records in multiple states and was able to study, explore, talk to estranged relatives, public officials, friends, associates, and trace her hidden family history of cover-ups, misunderstandings, secrets, lies, and the terrible crime that destroyed part of her family.

In 1982, Ona and her father flew to San Francisco to visit Andra, her husband Ray, and 1-year-old grandson/nephew Ray-Ray. Ona would later remember snuggling little Ray-Rays sweet, fine, baby soft blonde hair and pushing him in his stroller. At the time, their father simply seemed relieved that Andra (somehow) lived in an apartment that got her off the streets, and started a family. Little did they know, that after they left-- they would never see Andra or little Ray-Ray again.

The small apartment at 753 Webster would become a horrific crime scene, and ghoulish historical event that was followed by true crime enthusiasts decades later. Curiously, all the information about the murder of the Boggs family was provided by Andra’s mother-in-law. Andra’s own family (including Ona) did not attend the only funeral service in California. In years after the fact, lost in the depth and intensity of her grief, Ona began seeking answers, understanding, and her quest to remember, record, and memorialize a sister she could never forget. - In loving memory: Raymond Boggs Jr. (1949-82) U.S. Army Vietnam – Angie (1956-82) – Raymond M. III (1981-82) – Baby Unborn (1981-82) – *With thanks to Apprentice House Press via NetGalley for the DDC for the purpose of review.

[Heidi · Rating 4 out of 5]

I loved this book for all the reasons Ona’s many fans love it. Her deliciously beautiful writing. Her inspiration to write the story as a letter to her lost sister and the truth and intimacy that spring from that decision. The light she shines on writing-craft dilemmas that are shortening the lives of other writers everywhere, like how to weld in backstory, bring a compelling momentum to a research quest, and deliver gut-punch life lessons that I for one will take to my grave.

As for the latter, here are four.

She shows how it’s possible to make a dead sister live again. Using a handful of memory seeds, devotion to truth, and a ton of research, she resurrects her relationship with Angie, proving that love beyond the grave can be a product of intention and conscience. Ona builds her sister brick by brick—or perhaps better to say she dismantles shame, guilt, self-protection and family secrets brick by brick—and there stands her sister in all her imperfect perfection. Ona’s writing lets us know Angie, honour her.

She shows us how grace and humility can vanquish guilt and shame. Ona was in an impossible situation: disabled, therefore reliant on support, and made golden by her partisan parents, while her sister, made rebellious by the weight of secrets, was made lesser. The parents turned away from their problem child; as an adult, Ona turned toward. Determined to apply balance, to share her abundance with her sister, Ona shows us that Angie was endowed with gold all her own.

She shows us that the shame she carried—her detachment, numbness, and focus on her faults, which she castigated herself for daily—was a product of grief. Bereavement. PTSD. Survivor syndrome. Did you know this? I certainly didn’t. It reminds me all over again that family secrets are corrosive, and children pay the price (you’ll have to read the book).

Finally, Ona shows me something that hits home on a personal level—how having a child of her own revealed that her “cerebral palsy wasn’t just some cosmetic flaw I could occasionally feel bad about, but mostly ignore.” Her physical challenges were real and debilitating. This opened a new window on my own mother who, paralyzed by polio at age eight, was determined, with a single-minded ferocity, to rise above her disability. For a moment, I could imagine her sense of vulnerability when she had me.

Thank you for writing this wonderful book, Ona. You’ve given me so much to think about.

[Julie Maleski (juliereads_alot) · Rating 5 out of 5]

📚 PUBLICATION MONTH BOOK REVIEW 📚

Everywhere I Look
By Ona Gritz
Publication Date: April 16, 2024
Publisher: Apprentice House Press

📚MY RATING: ⭐⭐⭐⭐✨

📚MY REVIEW:

Oh, my heart. This book was an incredibly poignant memoir, honoring the bonds of sisterhood and exploring the family ties that connect us to the generational traumas of those who came before. The story was both a warm collection of childhood memories, snippets of brief moments shared between sisters...and a heartbreaking collection of young adulthood regrets, snippets of sorrow over missed opportunities for enduring sibling connections.

Throughout the entire narrative was the undercurrent of the murder of the author's big sister, Angie. At just twenty-five years old and pregnant with her second child, Angie was murdered in the Bay Area in 1982, along with her husband and eleven-month-old son. Tragically, the murders occurred during a trip the author made to California to visit Angie -- and Gritz had been at Angie's home on the night before her murder.

This book is written as a love letter to Angie, with Gritz making an oath to learn all about her sister's life in order to know her better -- no matter what she might find. The book details Gritz's journey as she uncovers startling family secrets about the sisters' upbringing. Though there's a true crime element to the book, surrounding the young family's murders, the accused, and the criminal trial, it's told from a uniquely personal perspective.

While this story started off really slow and took me some time to finish, I became really invested in learning about Angie's life -- and all of its beautifully tragic pieces. At the book's conclusion, I found myself crying for not just the loss of Angie and her family, but mourning Gritz's loss of a lifetime of memories with her big sister.

This was a beautiful tribute -- and I was honored to read this gifted advanced copy from NetGalley and Apprentice House Press in exchange for my honest review. If you enjoy memoirs, don't miss this!

#EverywhereILook #OnaGritz #NetGalley #bookreviews #bookrecommendations #bookcommunity #memoir

[Chae · Rating 5 out of 5]

I stumbled upon this memoir on NetGalley today. I hadn’t planned on reading it right away and just decided to quickly scan the first chapter before leaving it in my Bookshelf. But I didn’t expect to finish it so quickly, as what was supposed to be a quick scan turned into a “I-could-not-stop-reading-this” moment. I needed to know more about Angie, Ona, and the people around Angie’s life before and after she and her growing family were murdered.

“Everywhere I Look” is so raw, so intricate, that it’s honestly an honor to have read it. From beginning to end, I felt Ona’s resolve to learn more about her sister’s life, and her narration was heartbreaking in every sense of the word. I could sense the immense amount of love Ona and Angie had for each other, and it’s devastating how they didn’t have enough time to show it better to each other. My heart breaks not only because of their could-have-been relationship, but also with how Angie was forced to deal with every confusion, worry, and abuse alone, especially during her younger years. How she tried to cope with all of that through making chaotic choices that would ripple down to the day she and her family were murdered. It wrenches me how she was misunderstood and overlooked when she was still alive, and how her story will never be known from her own perspective. But even so, Ona was able to write a beautiful memoir about Angie. I admire the time and effort she put into piecing together a thorough understanding of Angie’s life — from extensive research, constant travels, meeting and talking to some of the people in Angie’s life that Ona had never met and talked to before, to gathering the truth by challenging her standpoint about Angie — everything was truly a labor of love. I would want to believe that somewhere out there, Angie and Ray are proud of their Ms. Educated.

To Ona, I am so sorry for your loss, and thank you for mustering up the courage to share this with the world. May Angie’s memory continue to inspire you, and may you continue to share the love she showed to you.

Publishing Date: April 16, 2024

[Lori · Rating 5 out of 5]

Stunning and Powerful

This memoir captivated me. It is not only well written but it is heartfelt and evokes so many emotions as I read.
It is the story of a family yes, but primarily it is about the relationship between two sisters, initially thought to be Andra "Angie" the older "adopted" sister (who initially was welcomed and loved) and Ona, the little sister that followed.
The dynamic in this family was primarily created by the mother who favored Ona and viewed Andra as immodest, overtly sexual, always getting into trouble and running away. Ona on the other hand could wear a similar outfit as she got older and was not criticized. Despite the obvious differences in how they were treated, the girls loved each other and of the entire family seemed to have the most normal relationship.
This all changed when "Angie" moved to San Francisco and met Ray. The two of them had a child together "Ray-Ray." These 3 went missing and ultimately met a dark fate, leaving Ona to grow up without her sister and to begin a journey back in time to find out what REALLY happened to her dear sister and family, to uncover secrets long kept hidden. It is during this journey that Ona discovers just WHO her sister's parents are, why Angie kept leaving and seemed drawn to the wild side of life with all its risks when you're really still a kid yourself.
Plenty of unexpected twists and surprises, truths revealed and painful times and yet it somehow still manages to be a powerful and poignant read thanks to Ona's talent and persistence in seeking truth and making sure her sister and family get justice. Rest in peace, Andra, your sister has got your back!

[Suzanne · Rating 5 out of 5]

I kept thinking about that Philip Larkin quote about parents as I read Ona Gritz's heart wrenching memoir -- "They f*ck you up, your mum and dad." The next line is "they may not mean to, but they do."

Growing up, Ona knew that she was her mother's favorite, and while she believed that it was at the expense of her older sister, Angie, whom she adored and who was always getting into trouble, she relished her status. Years later, she would regret not having stood up for her older sister, but how could she have prevented her parents from sending her to a home for "wayward" girls? How could she have made her mother love her sister more?

Later, she and a friend visit Angie, now relatively calm and settled, and living in San Francisco with her partner Ray Boggs and toddler son, Ray-Ray. Angie is 30 weeks pregnant. To help ends meet, Angie and Ray have taken in a couple of boarders -- a moody man, and his much older wife. A day after Ona meets this couple in her sister's home, they murder Angie, Ray, and Ray Ray and hide their bodies in the crawlspace of the house.

For many years, Ona finds herself unable to properly mourn her sister and process this horrific event. However, when she finally begins to look into what really happened, starting with Angie's childhood, and the family secrets that swirled around her, she is finally able to feel the sadness and grief that had been suppressed by post-traumatic stress.

While the events of Angie's death, and much of her life, are devastating, Ona manages to bring her alive on these pages, and to pay tender tribute. Thanks to Ona's sensitive portrayal, Angie has worked her way into my heart as well. I won't forget her.

[Casey Walsh · Rating 5 out of 5]

Everywhere I Look grabbed hold of me from the first page and didn't let me go until the last. Written as a letter to her older sister, Angie, murdered along with her husband, infant son, and unborn daughter in 1982, this book is at once a showcase for Ona's skilled writing, an uncovering of family secrets, a tribute to her beloved sister, and a true crime story (oh, that it were only a story).

It didn't surprise me to learn that Ona is an accomplished poet and author of books for adults and children. Her skill is evident on every page. I was taken with the ways in which she allowed the writing, beautiful as it is, to take a back seat to the story itself. Though there are time jumps and a lot of ground is covered, I never felt unclear about where we were in time or place. What comes through, instead, is the author's abiding love and admiration for a sister who, even as a child, Ona could see was treated differently from herself. Many years after Angie's death, Ona begins to unravel the family stories that help her understand—yet never justify—why this was the case and becomes determined to understand more about Angie's life and untimely, tragic death.

Yet at the hands of Ona Gritz, I found this story nuanced and layered in ways that allowed it to move beyond being solely sad and tragic to a tribute to the enduring love between two sisters.

I'm grateful to have read this book and look forward to reading more by this author.

[Cornelia · Rating 5 out of 5]

This was an incredible book, full of tenderness, heart, reckoning, and healing. Gritz weaves the immeasurable, untimely, violent loss of her sister, the numbed guilt-strained grief, and her own search for understanding about her sister's life in the befores, afters, and in-betweens of Angie's daily presence in Ona's life. The result is a rich memoir full of quiet, wrenching mysteries and moments. EVERYWHERE I LOOK is a book that extends beyond itself and its immediate subjects. It's a tapestry of dichotomous family dynamics and societal failings to help "troubled" or "wayward" girls. It's stark, poetic, beautiful, and worth every minute I got to spend with it.

I had the pleasure of interviewing Ona Gritz about this book (at my request, with no incentive other than the ability to pick Ona's brain about her writing and publishing process).

Click below (or copy/paste the link into your browser's address bar) to hear Ona describe EVERYWHERE I LOOK and how she brought it into being:

https://youtu.be/RcHd0-kflsM

[Kimberly Kenna · Rating 5 out of 5]

This memoir defies boundaries. It hooked me from the beginning like a novel might with the questions it raised and the beautiful writing. I kept reading to learn more not only about this horrendous crime but also about how the author and her sister kept up their relationship when they were each treated so differently by their parents. But what struck me most was how Ona Gritz's powerful words moved me by allowing this inside glimpse of Angie, her sister, who was never seen or heard in a way that allowed her to inhabit her childhood with joy. This memoir is a love letter to Angie whose life is now not only acknowledged but also honored, thanks to her sister who courageously sought out the facts to put together the pieces of Angie's last days. I grew to love Angie and now I mourn for her, and at the same time, I love and admire this author for how she faced her trauma and gave her sister--and us--the gift of her story.

[Kathleen Hulser · Rating 5 out of 5]

Ona Gritz writes with compassion and honesty, looking back to her complicated family and relationship with her rebellious sister. No family story is simple, and this one proves more and more tangled as Gritz tries to understand how her sister seemed bent on self-destruction. Comprehending the brutal murder of sister, lover and child leads the author into even deeper reflections about origins, blame, grief and the meaning of a life cut short at 26. All of this is written fluently with a voice that is unflinchingly truthful about human failings in herself and others. A truly memorable account of how both strengths and weaknesses make us into individuals liable to both choices and winds of fate. I especially appreciated how the author focuses our attention on varieties of love, which contain within them the uplifting and the awkward.

[kylie · Rating 5 out of 5]

A beautiful love letter to a lost sister. Ona, the youngest child, the favored one. Angie, Andra, the strong-willed one, the reckless one, "feels mother loves 'real' sister, not her."

Everything about this book gets me right in the feels. It's an emotional unraveling of not just Angie's life story, but Ona's feelings of guilt and responsibility to her sister. She calls her love for her flawed, when in reality she showed her love for her sister at every opportunity without effort or thought. It was pure, automatic, and precious.

And if you're not interested in a beautiful story of sisterly love, consider the family lore. We are taken on a journey as Ona does some familial investigating after realizing that her childhood wasn't quite as she recalled.

**I received my copy from Netgalley.

[Megan Reads-a-lot · Rating 4 out of 5]

Everywhere I look is a love story from one sister to another filled with grief, tragedy, deep love and understanding.

At the age of 19, Ona loses her pregnant sister, brother-in-law, and infant nephew to a brutal murder. As Ona gets older, the urge to better understand her sister and her life grows inside of her. This leads her to many years of research that reveals family secrets. As she begins to better understand her sister and family as a whole, she grapples with her complicity in her family’s legacy.

At times this book was hard to follow with its changing timelines and jumps; but overall a wonderfully heart felt memoir that shows the impact of trauma on young girls as they grow into adulthood.