Setting Boundaries with Difficult People: A Survival Guide for People Pleasers

by David J. Lieberman, Sean Pratt (Reading)

The New York Times Bestselling author, Dr. David J. Lieberman, introduces a wonderful right-to-the-point book that shows readers how to put an end to boundary issues once and for all!

A work colleague with whom you have only a casual relationship asks you to co-sign a loan for him . . . your neighbor asks you to keep her antisocial, flea-riddled cat for the weekend — again. We've all faced sticky situations like these — unreasonable demands on our time and inappropriate requests from family, friends, co-workers or casual acquaintances. We want to say No. We have the right to say No — always. And yet we don't.

Maybe you tell yourself that you don’t want to make waves or ruffle feathers, or that it’s simply not worth it; but part of you simmers with anger and frustration that you didn’t speak up and do something— anything.

Isn't it ironic how a two-year-old can bark a resounding and guilt-free NO! without batting an eye, yet we grown-ups often find ourselves saying Yes when we mean to say No? Or we say "Let me think about it . . .” and agonize for weeks over how to say, inevitably, No.

We've all had our share of freeloaders, mooches, encroachers, interlopers, high-maintenance acquaintances — many of whom are repeat offenders. We've all had to deal with people who ask for favors that are inappropriate or unreasonable because they exceed the boundaries of our relationship with them. And we think, Why doesn't he realize he's crossing the line? The answer is: Because he doesn't know where the line is, or he doesn't care. The problem, as you're about to learn, is leaky boundaries. Some people have such permeable, poorly-defined boundaries that they have no concept of where they end and you begin.

Some people will take No for an answer and that's the end of it. But some people don't. What do you do when the person on the other end of your No flat out refuses to accept your No?

You'll discover exactly what to say as well as learn the underlying psychology that motivates them to always ask, and you to always give in!

Genres: Nonfiction, Psychology, Self Help, Audiobook

Audio

First published April 12, 2010

About the author

David J. Lieberman, PhD, is a renowned psychotherapist and the author of eleven books, including the New York Times bestsellers Get Anyone to Do Anything and Never Be Lied to Again. He has trained personnel in the U.S. military, the FBI, the CIA, and the NSA, and his instructional video is mandatory for psychological operations graduates.

He teaches government negotiators, mental health professionals, and Fortune 100 executives, and has appeared as a guest on more than 300 television and radio programs, including the Today show, NPR, and The View.

Reviews

[James Johnson · Rating 4 out of 5]

For being short, this book sure had a lot to say. "No" is a powerful word and I really enjoyed the author's insights to setting boundaries and dealing with difficult people.

[Ean · Rating 3 out of 5]

Concise and to the point. Great refresher if you already know the principles but find yourself currently being caught up in conflict.

[Royce · Rating 3 out of 5]

Listened to this via audiobook after chatting with a perpetually bothersome acquaintance. Was only 34 minutes long so I will give it another listen, when I am less annoyed, and hopefully something more than "you don't have to get angry" will resonate with me.

[Patricia K. Longua · Rating 4 out of 5]

Good but short

This was informative and helpful, but it was more of an overview on assertiveness training, rather than an in depth self help book. It's more of a booklet rather than a book.

[Corinne · Rating 3 out of 5]

I was listening to this audio book and enjoying it when it abruptly ended. What??? Where's the rest of the book? Glad I borrowed it from the library and didn't waste money buying such a short book(let).

[Zane Bain]

Great book

a very concise book on boundaries in relationships. the writing style is clear and this book is very informative and helpful.

[unique Gucci · Rating 5 out of 5]

I personally think this book was absolutely amazing I love that it was short because I was able to pick up this book as I was reading other ones I just wanted something short to learn about life help and this gave me that I gave it five stars because I think a lot of people could learn from this book. If I could actually give this book to the people that I handle in real life it would help them out a lot. I did the audio on a app called scribd.

[Jasmin O. Thompson-Dixon · Rating 5 out of 5]

Great Guide to Dealing with Daily Interactions

This book provides clear direction of how to set boundaries in all aspects of your life. It also forces self reflection of your self esteem, behaviors, and how you have dealt with past relationships. I've definitely learned new perspectives on how to reframe my boundaries and how to handle some difficult situations in the future. It's a well worth read!!!!! I wish I found it earlier but thankful I'm reading it now.

[Jennifer · Rating 4 out of 5]

Like a short podcast. Good introduction to boundaries and recognizing beavhiours of blurred boundaries.

Listened to 5 times before returning to library and will likely listen to again when I need some adjustment to my sails.

A few things have happened and I realize how much I need to work on boundaries and better ways to say enough.

[Lynsea Montanari · Rating 3 out of 5]

It was a super short book, so I can’t complain that there was not much information. It was just very basic and superficial. If somebody didn’t know what boundaries were this would be a good place to start, but for anybody struggling to implement them I’m not sure if this is super helpful. At least it wasn’t for me.

[Helfren · Rating 3 out of 5]

Lacking self-control made us want to control the event or people around us more. Its hard to be ourselves if we don't respect what we are. Our blind spot are different than others blind spot. Set boundaries for everyone.

[Agnė Krupinskaitė · Rating 5 out of 5]

I liked it quite a lot. Even though the book is short it discusses quite a few important things, it also includes some information about insecurity and it’s relationship with boundaries and control. Short, but mighty book!

[Carling · Rating 2 out of 5]

Very, very short audiobook... A couple of tips. Really wanted a lot more from this, such as examples and frameworks for how to think about boundaries and communicate them.

[Sara · Rating 5 out of 5]

I liked this book a lot; I'm a recovering people pleaser...with people that don't respect my boundaries.

[Derryn Theresa Theresa · Rating 4 out of 5]

Short satisfying read. Could have been a little more descriptive in certain cases

[Pamela · Rating 5 out of 5]

This was a short and to the point book on putting issues with boundaries in perspective, and tools to do so.

[Rebekah · Rating 1 out of 5]

Have tried a few by this author-just awful

[Bartosz Czêcik · Rating 3 out of 5]

TsOKE

Not great, not bad, just okay - seems l need more words in this review so blah blah blah blah

[Gothsong · Rating 4 out of 5]

Short but to the point!

[Lorraine · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is a good book. Wish it was longer though.

[G. Lawrence · Rating 4 out of 5]

Quite insightful for a small book

[Petra Valjan · Rating 5 out of 5]

Small, but very useful book.

[Achidimama]

This was shorter than I realised!

[Nisa · Rating 3 out of 5]

Exact rating: 2.5/5

[Vansh · Rating 4 out of 5]

Pretty great! All 30 minutes are good quality but the first chapter is above standard.
Even if you think you don’t struggle with this, it’s pretty good and atleast worth reading the first chapter.