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Growing Up Social: Raising Relational Kids in a Screen-Driven World
Is technology drawing your family together or driving it apart?
In this digital age, children are spending more and more time interacting with a screen and less time playing outside, reading a book, or interacting with a parent. While technology can benefit us, it can also erode a sense of togetherness and hinder a child’s emotional and social development.
In Growing Up Social, Gary Chapman and Arlene Pellicane will empower you with the tools you need to make positive changes . . . starting today. Through stories, wit, and wisdom, you’ll discover how to take back your home from an overdependence on screens. Plus, you’ll learn to teach the five A+ skills that every child needs to master: affection, appreciation, anger management, apology, and attention.
Learn how to:
Replace mindless screen time with meaningful family time
Establish simple boundaries that make a huge difference
Discover what's working for families that have become screen savvy
Equip your child to be relationally rich in a digital world
Learn healthy ways to occupy your child while you get things done
Now is the time to equip your child with a healthy involvement with screens and an even healthier involvement with others.
In this digital age, children are spending more and more time interacting with a screen and less time playing outside, reading a book, or interacting with a parent. While technology can benefit us, it can also erode a sense of togetherness and hinder a child’s emotional and social development.
In Growing Up Social, Gary Chapman and Arlene Pellicane will empower you with the tools you need to make positive changes . . . starting today. Through stories, wit, and wisdom, you’ll discover how to take back your home from an overdependence on screens. Plus, you’ll learn to teach the five A+ skills that every child needs to master: affection, appreciation, anger management, apology, and attention.
Learn how to:
Replace mindless screen time with meaningful family time
Establish simple boundaries that make a huge difference
Discover what's working for families that have become screen savvy
Equip your child to be relationally rich in a digital world
Learn healthy ways to occupy your child while you get things done
Now is the time to equip your child with a healthy involvement with screens and an even healthier involvement with others.
240 pages, Paperback
First published August 25, 2014
136 people are currently reading
2885 people want to read
About the author
Gary Chapman
584 books3,516 followersGary Demonte Chapman is an American author and radio talk show host. Chapman is most noted for his The Five Love Languages series regarding human relationships.
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 196 reviews
November 16, 2014
First let me say I love Gary Chapman, the co-author of this book. But this book, like all recent books on kids/teens and social media, leaves me a bit cold. Maybe it's because I think my household is doing a pretty darn good job on integrating technology. But these books always make me feel - despite the fact that they deny it vociferously - like they are saying "technology=bad, relationships=good". Well, yes, we all want our kids to grow up knowing how to be relational. The problem is, those of us writing the books, from the pre-technological world, seem to only look at it this one way: limit technology SO THAT our kids can be relational. The problem is, that by the time our kids grow up, their entire WORLD will be technological. So it seems to me that what we need is to teach kids how to BLEND being relational WITH being technological & screen driven - a skill we as parents don't necessarily have. I don't know that saying "limit screen time" is really going to work in the world they are going to live in. I mean, obviously, I certainly believe in having screen free dinnertime, etc. -- I guess I just think everyone knows that. I think we need smarter techniques to help our kids make swift and frequent transitions between screens and relationships.
November 6, 2014
Growing Up Social is the best book for parents I've read in at least a year. It is NOT anti-technology, it does NOT impose unreasonable rules and principles. Instead, it acknowledges that we live in a screen-driven world, and makes the reader aware of what that means for children, and then shares what we can do to foster five key relational skills in our kids that screens do not cultivate.
There is a chapter dedicated to the challenges of single parenting. Military spouses can relate to this when the active-duty spouse is deployed. It's so easy to allow a screen to be a babysitter when the parent is already so drained. The authors understand that, and speak directly to this situation.
Also, at no point did I feel "judged" or defensive by this book. Mostly, I was too busy underlining and dog-earing, and telling my husband that he'd really like to read this book when I'm done. :) I really appreciated the scientific studies the authors referenced. I found it fascinating and helpful to learn how our brains work--which sections are used for deep thinking, and which are used for skimming, how we rewire our brains based on our activities, and the implications of that in daily life and relationships. I'm going to be focusing on nurturing the five "A" skills (affection, appreciation, anger management, apology, and attention) in our family for sure. We have already started, and I'm already seeing positive results.
There is a chapter dedicated to the challenges of single parenting. Military spouses can relate to this when the active-duty spouse is deployed. It's so easy to allow a screen to be a babysitter when the parent is already so drained. The authors understand that, and speak directly to this situation.
Also, at no point did I feel "judged" or defensive by this book. Mostly, I was too busy underlining and dog-earing, and telling my husband that he'd really like to read this book when I'm done. :) I really appreciated the scientific studies the authors referenced. I found it fascinating and helpful to learn how our brains work--which sections are used for deep thinking, and which are used for skimming, how we rewire our brains based on our activities, and the implications of that in daily life and relationships. I'm going to be focusing on nurturing the five "A" skills (affection, appreciation, anger management, apology, and attention) in our family for sure. We have already started, and I'm already seeing positive results.
January 18, 2019
I had been waiting for this book to be released and got on the reserve list at the library before it ever came out and it was a huge disappointment.
First of all, it had a very preachy tone from the beginning. And I say this even though I am part of this particular choir. I do believe in restricting screen time and we have had a very conservative approach to media with our now 10 year old son for his whole life. But even though I agreed with much of what was being said regarding screen media, I found the tone of how it was being said very off-putting and superior.
And then the preachiness got even more so. I thought it was odd how often G-d was being mentioned. I'm a religious person and G-d is important in my life but it seemed the authors were taking pains to insert mention of G-d in everything. Discussions of teaching children how to behave were all framed in what G-d wants (not choices the parent is making, though later they talked a lot about taking control and being in charge) and kids were told to pray together and to ask G-d for forgiveness when they misbehaved. It was heavy handed and again, felt very off-putting in what I expected to be a parenting and science book, not a sermon.
Then it became clear they were not just talking about G-d in general, but about their particular version in their own Christian religion. Parents are counseled to teach about anger management by having children memorize key verses from the Christian Bible and focusing on stories about Jesus. And you should teach about sexuality saying, (I swear, this is a direct quote. Page 158.) "Talk with your child about Adam and Eve and how G-d clothed them for a reason."
There were some good pieces of information peppered in, but really nothing I think I couldn't find in a article about screen time through a basic google search or hadn't seen in many articles before. And there was a section of specific social skills to teach your children, as well as how to directly teach them, which was more what I had hoped for. But again, even that section was so infused with a very Christian perspective and an assumed superiority, that it interfered with the information and would prevent me from recommending the book to anyone.
At one point one of the authors shares with disgust that when she read William Bennett's Book Of Virtues to her son's third grade class, her son was the only one familiar with the word virtue. I couldn't help but think that I doubt my child would have been familiar with that particular word, however he would know what ethical, moral, and principled means. And if I read her child a book about Tikkun Olam, Gimulut Chasadim or Mitzvot and her child didn't know these terms, I wouldn't assume that made us better than them, but would recognize these are important terms within our family, community and religion, of which she is not a part. This absolute inability to recognize that anyone might have a different frame of reference, just got to the point where it pissed me off.
Granted, some of this is just Christian privilege. When Wendy Mogel's wonderful book came out years ago, they included a subtitle, so that anyone picking up The Blessing Of A Skinned Knee: Using Jewish Teachings to Raise Self-Reliant Children would know the book was coming from a Jewish framework. I guess a Christian author might not feel that a book infused with their own religious assumptions would need to that in the US, but for me it would have made all the difference.
Had the book been called Growing Up Social: Using Christian Teachings to Raise Relational Kids in a Screen-Driven World, I might have read it or I might have passed it by. But had I read it I wouldn't have felt duped.
Now I wish someone would write the book I was hoping and expecting this to be.
First of all, it had a very preachy tone from the beginning. And I say this even though I am part of this particular choir. I do believe in restricting screen time and we have had a very conservative approach to media with our now 10 year old son for his whole life. But even though I agreed with much of what was being said regarding screen media, I found the tone of how it was being said very off-putting and superior.
And then the preachiness got even more so. I thought it was odd how often G-d was being mentioned. I'm a religious person and G-d is important in my life but it seemed the authors were taking pains to insert mention of G-d in everything. Discussions of teaching children how to behave were all framed in what G-d wants (not choices the parent is making, though later they talked a lot about taking control and being in charge) and kids were told to pray together and to ask G-d for forgiveness when they misbehaved. It was heavy handed and again, felt very off-putting in what I expected to be a parenting and science book, not a sermon.
Then it became clear they were not just talking about G-d in general, but about their particular version in their own Christian religion. Parents are counseled to teach about anger management by having children memorize key verses from the Christian Bible and focusing on stories about Jesus. And you should teach about sexuality saying, (I swear, this is a direct quote. Page 158.) "Talk with your child about Adam and Eve and how G-d clothed them for a reason."
There were some good pieces of information peppered in, but really nothing I think I couldn't find in a article about screen time through a basic google search or hadn't seen in many articles before. And there was a section of specific social skills to teach your children, as well as how to directly teach them, which was more what I had hoped for. But again, even that section was so infused with a very Christian perspective and an assumed superiority, that it interfered with the information and would prevent me from recommending the book to anyone.
At one point one of the authors shares with disgust that when she read William Bennett's Book Of Virtues to her son's third grade class, her son was the only one familiar with the word virtue. I couldn't help but think that I doubt my child would have been familiar with that particular word, however he would know what ethical, moral, and principled means. And if I read her child a book about Tikkun Olam, Gimulut Chasadim or Mitzvot and her child didn't know these terms, I wouldn't assume that made us better than them, but would recognize these are important terms within our family, community and religion, of which she is not a part. This absolute inability to recognize that anyone might have a different frame of reference, just got to the point where it pissed me off.
Granted, some of this is just Christian privilege. When Wendy Mogel's wonderful book came out years ago, they included a subtitle, so that anyone picking up The Blessing Of A Skinned Knee: Using Jewish Teachings to Raise Self-Reliant Children would know the book was coming from a Jewish framework. I guess a Christian author might not feel that a book infused with their own religious assumptions would need to that in the US, but for me it would have made all the difference.
Had the book been called Growing Up Social: Using Christian Teachings to Raise Relational Kids in a Screen-Driven World, I might have read it or I might have passed it by. But had I read it I wouldn't have felt duped.
Now I wish someone would write the book I was hoping and expecting this to be.
January 24, 2015
This was a lot of what we already know: we are modeling behavior that our children will mimic, limits need to be set with regard to screen time, ten minutes leads to 90 minutes in a blink. I didn't get too much out of the first portion of the book because I really felt it was one story after another detailing good or great kids who became disengaged with their families after receiving video games. Not shocking! Each chapter focused on the trade-in for all that screen time: be it attention, affection, etc. The second half concentrated more on security, parental authority (you are in charge!), and ways to unplug. For me the book was a long reminder of what I already know to be true.
As a side note, this book is written by two people and I found the use of parentheses to indicate which was telling the story to be distracting and unneeded.
As a side note, this book is written by two people and I found the use of parentheses to indicate which was telling the story to be distracting and unneeded.
June 9, 2019
4,5! Good reminder of the importance of limiting screen time not just for children but or parents. A must read for everyone. It felt like a cross between his book 5 Love Languages for Children and the book Tech Wise Family by Andy Crouch. Such good good reminders. Our kids and families and friends are more important than screens. It gets harder and harder to be able to have a healthy relationship with others bc our phones become our masters.
Most of the book are stories and facts that we have heard before. I liked the studies and statistics and other recommendations for other books to read over the subject of the internet.
Most of the book are stories and facts that we have heard before. I liked the studies and statistics and other recommendations for other books to read over the subject of the internet.
September 19, 2015
This book offers very sound and practical guidance on how to guard the sociability and maturity of our children (and ourselves) in tech-driven world. The authors are NOT anti-technology as some reviewers suggest; they consistently stress the reality of our tech saturated world and its inescapability. This book is about helping readers avoid the relationship damaging tendencies of technology overuse. The authors advance 5 particular pro-social behaviours that are required for emotional and social maturity, and address the risks technology poses to their development. They show why technology (screen devices in particular) inhibit these traits, then offer pointers for mitigating these risks and encouraging social maturity and responsible use of technology - especially through intentional boundaries and keen oversight. It is a very helpful book for those who want to raise socially and emotionally mature children of character in a tech-driven world.
August 23, 2021
Basic common knowledge and sense. Sometimes too obvious. Still, a good motivator/reminder why I make efforts to mantain the limits on screens for my children.
While the book did not have much original / innovative ideas, i appreciated the tone: tempered researched, senzitive to the struggle, hopeful.
My main take-away was to be on the look-out to teach the 5A+ skills that every child needs to master to be relational-literate: affection, appreciation, anger management, apology, attention - skills that cannot be learnt via screens, skills increasingly challenging to master in a digital age, though just as essential for social robustness.
While the book did not have much original / innovative ideas, i appreciated the tone: tempered researched, senzitive to the struggle, hopeful.
My main take-away was to be on the look-out to teach the 5A+ skills that every child needs to master to be relational-literate: affection, appreciation, anger management, apology, attention - skills that cannot be learnt via screens, skills increasingly challenging to master in a digital age, though just as essential for social robustness.
January 26, 2025
Despite being 10 years old, this book still holds good information for the modern age. Aside from the seemingly random insertions of God and scripture, the book flowed nicely and was a quick read.
June 8, 2014
In their new book, Growing Up Social: Raising Relational Kids in a Screen-Driven World, Gary Chapman and Arlene Pellicane draw attention to the fact that, on average, American children spend 53 hours a week with media and technology, which inhibits their ability to interact with others and develop strong interpersonal relationships.
Encouraging parents to limit screen time, the authors help readers discover and develop five skills for relationship building so their kids are able to relate to others in healthy ways: affection, appreciation, anger management, apology, and attention. The authors’ main premise is that “The ideal place for a child to learn to be social is in his home, where a loving mother or father can model what healthy relationships look like.”
In Growing Up Social, the authors show that screen time is eroding family relationships; at the same time, they admit that screens are not the problem, but the way we use them is. Chapman and Pellicane emphasize how impressionable kids are and that parents should be influencing their children, not screens. Additionally, the authors give some guidelines for judging if content is appropriate. While I agree with the general guidelines, the authors seem a bit narrow-minded. I would be the first to say that we have to be careful what we feed our minds, because Jesus said that out of the heart the mouth speaks. At the same time, we cannot completely shelter our children. I think there is a place for watching some movies or programs with our children and taking the opportunity to discuss biblical morals, values and beliefs. We need to prepare our children for what the world has to offer and show them what the Bible says about those things.
For me, one of the best things in Growing Up Social was the list of five A+ questions suggested for family mealtimes—one question for each of the five skills the authors highlight in the book. These questions are a great jumping-off point for family discussions.
Other feature of the book I enjoyed were:
• the list of screen-free ways to cultivate thankful hearts in your children;
• the helpful tips for teaching children how to handle anger in healthy ways;
• the five languages of apology;
• the eight ways to help your child finish homework; and
• the family screen safe pledge.
Chapman and Pellicane also address other issues as they relate to screen time including shyness, the brain, security, parental authority, and single parents. The authors end the book with a tale of two homes and challenge readers to evaluate their own family life to see if it is too screen-driven. The authors ask: “Is technology bringing your family closer together, or is it driving your family farther apart?”
Overall, Growing Up Social is a great book that certainly challenges the social norms of screen time. It’s an easy read, but it’s full of food for thought, making parents seriously evaluate what’s best for their children and themselves. I highly recommend this book for parents and grandparents—preferably before children reach ages where a lot of screen time is the norm. However, better late than never! Chapman and Pellicane will help parents think through some of the issues and decide what’s best for their families, even helping them develop deeper and more rewarding relationships.
About the Authors
Gary Chapman, PhD, is the author of the #1 New York Times bestsellingThe 5 Love Languages. With over 30 years of counseling experience, he has the uncanny ability to hold a mirror up to human behavior, showing readers not just where they go wrong, but also how to grow and move forward. Dr. Chapman holds BA and MA degrees in anthropology from Wheaton College and Wake Forest University, respectively, MRE and PhD degrees from Southwestern Baptist Theological Seminary, and has completed postgraduate work at the University of North Carolina and Duke University.
Arlene Pellicane is an energetic speaker and author of 31 Days to a Happy Husband and 31 Days to Becoming a Happy Wife (Feb 2014). She has been a featured guest on Family Life Today, The 700 Club, The Hour of Power, The Better Show, and TLC's Home Made Simple. She formerly served as the Associate Producer for Turning Point Television with Dr. David Jeremiah. Arlene earned her BA from Biola University and her Masters in Journalism from Regent University. Arlene lives in Southern California with her husband James and three children, Ethan, Noelle, and Lucy.
* Note: I received a copy of this book from NetGalley for this honest review. However, the opinions expressed are my own.
Encouraging parents to limit screen time, the authors help readers discover and develop five skills for relationship building so their kids are able to relate to others in healthy ways: affection, appreciation, anger management, apology, and attention. The authors’ main premise is that “The ideal place for a child to learn to be social is in his home, where a loving mother or father can model what healthy relationships look like.”
In Growing Up Social, the authors show that screen time is eroding family relationships; at the same time, they admit that screens are not the problem, but the way we use them is. Chapman and Pellicane emphasize how impressionable kids are and that parents should be influencing their children, not screens. Additionally, the authors give some guidelines for judging if content is appropriate. While I agree with the general guidelines, the authors seem a bit narrow-minded. I would be the first to say that we have to be careful what we feed our minds, because Jesus said that out of the heart the mouth speaks. At the same time, we cannot completely shelter our children. I think there is a place for watching some movies or programs with our children and taking the opportunity to discuss biblical morals, values and beliefs. We need to prepare our children for what the world has to offer and show them what the Bible says about those things.
For me, one of the best things in Growing Up Social was the list of five A+ questions suggested for family mealtimes—one question for each of the five skills the authors highlight in the book. These questions are a great jumping-off point for family discussions.
Other feature of the book I enjoyed were:
• the list of screen-free ways to cultivate thankful hearts in your children;
• the helpful tips for teaching children how to handle anger in healthy ways;
• the five languages of apology;
• the eight ways to help your child finish homework; and
• the family screen safe pledge.
Chapman and Pellicane also address other issues as they relate to screen time including shyness, the brain, security, parental authority, and single parents. The authors end the book with a tale of two homes and challenge readers to evaluate their own family life to see if it is too screen-driven. The authors ask: “Is technology bringing your family closer together, or is it driving your family farther apart?”
Overall, Growing Up Social is a great book that certainly challenges the social norms of screen time. It’s an easy read, but it’s full of food for thought, making parents seriously evaluate what’s best for their children and themselves. I highly recommend this book for parents and grandparents—preferably before children reach ages where a lot of screen time is the norm. However, better late than never! Chapman and Pellicane will help parents think through some of the issues and decide what’s best for their families, even helping them develop deeper and more rewarding relationships.
About the Authors
Gary Chapman, PhD, is the author of the #1 New York Times bestsellingThe 5 Love Languages. With over 30 years of counseling experience, he has the uncanny ability to hold a mirror up to human behavior, showing readers not just where they go wrong, but also how to grow and move forward. Dr. Chapman holds BA and MA degrees in anthropology from Wheaton College and Wake Forest University, respectively, MRE and PhD degrees from Southwestern Baptist Theological Seminary, and has completed postgraduate work at the University of North Carolina and Duke University.
Arlene Pellicane is an energetic speaker and author of 31 Days to a Happy Husband and 31 Days to Becoming a Happy Wife (Feb 2014). She has been a featured guest on Family Life Today, The 700 Club, The Hour of Power, The Better Show, and TLC's Home Made Simple. She formerly served as the Associate Producer for Turning Point Television with Dr. David Jeremiah. Arlene earned her BA from Biola University and her Masters in Journalism from Regent University. Arlene lives in Southern California with her husband James and three children, Ethan, Noelle, and Lucy.
* Note: I received a copy of this book from NetGalley for this honest review. However, the opinions expressed are my own.
November 29, 2017
Chapman, G., & Pellicane, A. (2014). Growing up social: Raising relational kids in a screen-driven world. Chicago, IL: Northfield Publishing.
Two hours of screen time for children above two. - p. 19
Guidelines for deciding appropriate content for children:
•What factual data is learnt?
•What character traits are being built?
•How does it portray stereotypes?
•Is it consistent with our family values?
- pp. 21-22
Ask for forgiveness for a lack of parental responsibility, rather than accuse your child of poor decision making in screen time and video games. Decide what's healthy for your family and articulate a clear media game plan. - p. 25
A+ method for relational kids:
•Affection e.g. experience what it's like staring at someone's foot when talking to them (pp. 46-7)
•Appreciation e.g. draw a family tree & pray for them, have only rice to appreciate other foods, get to vs got to (pp. 59-61)
•Anger management: OK if it's a fact a wrong's been committed (p. 72)
•Apologise:
- accept responsibility
- actions affect others
- there are rules in life
- apologies restore friendships ("I'm sorry. I was wrong. What can I do to make right? I'll try not to do that again. Will you pls forgive me?")
•Attention: screen time is interesting, instant, immediate (pp. 97-8)
- p. 35
Healthy shyness:
Eye contact
Polite
Content
Well behaved
Comfortable with others
- p. 113
Positive social skills role plays:
Play dates: what to play
Playground: joining in
Classroom: presenting
Meeting adults: introduction, asking questions
Giving & receiving compliments
Asking for help: define urgency & importance
Reading non-verbals: identifying body language & facial expressions
- pp. 116-7
Stress reduction:
Downtime
Restricted electronic use
Physical exercise
Sleep
- p. 133
Find out your child's love language:
Physical touch
Words of affirmation
Quality time
Receiving gifts
Acts of service
- p. 148
Handling cyber-bullying:
Report them to parents
Block bullies and don't respond
Talk about the consequences
Don't post what you don't say in person
Reinforce your child's positive attributes
Supervise online time
- p. 154
Handphone guidelines:
Don't give number without permission
No using in class
Answer calls from parents
Pay excess charges
- pp. 162-3
Put a bin at the front door for guests to deposit their devices so they can make the most of the time together. - p. 200
Two hours of screen time for children above two. - p. 19
Guidelines for deciding appropriate content for children:
•What factual data is learnt?
•What character traits are being built?
•How does it portray stereotypes?
•Is it consistent with our family values?
- pp. 21-22
Ask for forgiveness for a lack of parental responsibility, rather than accuse your child of poor decision making in screen time and video games. Decide what's healthy for your family and articulate a clear media game plan. - p. 25
A+ method for relational kids:
•Affection e.g. experience what it's like staring at someone's foot when talking to them (pp. 46-7)
•Appreciation e.g. draw a family tree & pray for them, have only rice to appreciate other foods, get to vs got to (pp. 59-61)
•Anger management: OK if it's a fact a wrong's been committed (p. 72)
•Apologise:
- accept responsibility
- actions affect others
- there are rules in life
- apologies restore friendships ("I'm sorry. I was wrong. What can I do to make right? I'll try not to do that again. Will you pls forgive me?")
•Attention: screen time is interesting, instant, immediate (pp. 97-8)
- p. 35
Healthy shyness:
Eye contact
Polite
Content
Well behaved
Comfortable with others
- p. 113
Positive social skills role plays:
Play dates: what to play
Playground: joining in
Classroom: presenting
Meeting adults: introduction, asking questions
Giving & receiving compliments
Asking for help: define urgency & importance
Reading non-verbals: identifying body language & facial expressions
- pp. 116-7
Stress reduction:
Downtime
Restricted electronic use
Physical exercise
Sleep
- p. 133
Find out your child's love language:
Physical touch
Words of affirmation
Quality time
Receiving gifts
Acts of service
- p. 148
Handling cyber-bullying:
Report them to parents
Block bullies and don't respond
Talk about the consequences
Don't post what you don't say in person
Reinforce your child's positive attributes
Supervise online time
- p. 154
Handphone guidelines:
Don't give number without permission
No using in class
Answer calls from parents
Pay excess charges
- pp. 162-3
Put a bin at the front door for guests to deposit their devices so they can make the most of the time together. - p. 200
November 7, 2018
This book is amazing!!! I knew social media, phones, tablets & TV were having more negative affects on or lives than positive ones, but I had no idea it was this bad. I have made a decision to limit my own screen time and the amount of time screens are used in my home. I want to spend more time reading, doing physical activity and creating a positive example for my daughter.
Everyone should read this book, not only parents!!!
I love Gary Chapman’s books!!!
Everyone should read this book, not only parents!!!
I love Gary Chapman’s books!!!
March 9, 2015
4.5 Stars
I've been slowly aware of the technology takeover, but I felt so personally helpless. Technology is coming folks, might as well embrace it! But then I had a child. And I get to witness firsthand her addiction to the iPad and Curious George. George. All. The. Time. I started to feel uncomfortable.
'Growing Up Social' was very informative and practical. The authors used a lot of scientific results about the brain in relation to electronics that I found fascinating being a layman brain nerd. I love that they backed up their thoughts with studies and information that rings true. This was a major plus for me.
What I was mostly worried about going into this reading choice, was finding it too anti-phone. Luckily, I didn't find that completely evident
'Growing Up Social' didn't have a personal feel to it. It got a bit lost behind all those fantastic stats and studies. Some of the sections felt repetitive and I found myself wondering if it even needed to be a full length book. Still, overall the book is a great resource and will get you thinking about making much needed changes. 4.5 stars then and a coveted spot on my Life Changer shelf. If you are a parent of children and CARE about your children, then read this book :)
I recieved a copy of this book from the publisher in exchange for an honest review. All opinions are my own
See more of this review and others like it at Sunrise Avenue
I've been slowly aware of the technology takeover, but I felt so personally helpless. Technology is coming folks, might as well embrace it! But then I had a child. And I get to witness firsthand her addiction to the iPad and Curious George. George. All. The. Time. I started to feel uncomfortable.
'Growing Up Social' was very informative and practical. The authors used a lot of scientific results about the brain in relation to electronics that I found fascinating being a layman brain nerd. I love that they backed up their thoughts with studies and information that rings true. This was a major plus for me.
What I was mostly worried about going into this reading choice, was finding it too anti-phone. Luckily, I didn't find that completely evident
'Growing Up Social' didn't have a personal feel to it. It got a bit lost behind all those fantastic stats and studies. Some of the sections felt repetitive and I found myself wondering if it even needed to be a full length book. Still, overall the book is a great resource and will get you thinking about making much needed changes. 4.5 stars then and a coveted spot on my Life Changer shelf. If you are a parent of children and CARE about your children, then read this book :)
I recieved a copy of this book from the publisher in exchange for an honest review. All opinions are my own
See more of this review and others like it at Sunrise Avenue
March 22, 2016
I grabbed this off Audiable to listen to in the car. I finished it with two errand trips around Savannah. I have Degrees in Child Development and Education, and like to get these books every once in a while to “sharpen my skills.” This was worse than reading a textbook. The narrator reminded me of Ben Stein’s monotone voice in Ferris Bueller’s Day Off. Also, it was weird to hear him read from a female’s letter; imagine Stein saying “I, Aubrey…..”
There were a lot of statistics read and over-informing the readers of the problem. We know kids are too attached to their screens, that’s why we chose this book, we are hoping to get usable advice; which, was nowhere in this book. Don’t get me wrong, advice was given, but it was obviously from someone that does not live with kids.
I have read so many helpful books, and felt this one could have been better. For this reason, I rate Growing Up Social with 2 stars....Beth
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There were a lot of statistics read and over-informing the readers of the problem. We know kids are too attached to their screens, that’s why we chose this book, we are hoping to get usable advice; which, was nowhere in this book. Don’t get me wrong, advice was given, but it was obviously from someone that does not live with kids.
I have read so many helpful books, and felt this one could have been better. For this reason, I rate Growing Up Social with 2 stars....Beth
http://www.boundlessbookreviews.com
https://www.facebook.com/BBReviews
May 30, 2018
I would probably give this book 3.5 stars. It wasn’t anti-technology but acknowledged screens are here to stay, so how do we use them best? If you’re struggling with screen time with your kiddos, this would be a good motivator as well as a practical tool for advice on how to move forward. I also appreciated that it was from a Christian perspective.
One thing I didn’t like was one of the authors specifically portrayed her parenting in a perfect light and made her kids seem like they were the most amazing, best kids in the world. I rolled my eyes so many times while reading things like “I just couldn’t believe my 2nd grader was the only kid in his class to connect yurtle the turtle to hitler! His librarian said he was the only kid who answered the question correctly in her tenure of teaching!” (I paraphrased that but it was a serious example she gave.)
I would also say the book is mostly common sense and that the studies the authors cite are probably outdated at this point (book is from 2014).
One thing I didn’t like was one of the authors specifically portrayed her parenting in a perfect light and made her kids seem like they were the most amazing, best kids in the world. I rolled my eyes so many times while reading things like “I just couldn’t believe my 2nd grader was the only kid in his class to connect yurtle the turtle to hitler! His librarian said he was the only kid who answered the question correctly in her tenure of teaching!” (I paraphrased that but it was a serious example she gave.)
I would also say the book is mostly common sense and that the studies the authors cite are probably outdated at this point (book is from 2014).
December 26, 2014
Indeed it was nice to read a Christian perspective on social media and internet use as this has become a major issue in today's society. I appreciated so much that the authors had to say, and there was plenty of practical advice for those wishing to make changes in their own online habits and those of their children. Much of it was common sense.
I cannot say I agree with everything in this book, and sometimes I felt that the authors were attempting to impose their own views on the reader. I suppose that was the premise of ths book. However, even if I didn't agree with everything, the book was still well-written, and it may be something that parents wish to read in order for them to reach their own conclusions about social media and internet use.
I was sent a copy of this book in exchange for my honest review. I was not financially compensated, and all opinions are 100 percent mine.
I cannot say I agree with everything in this book, and sometimes I felt that the authors were attempting to impose their own views on the reader. I suppose that was the premise of ths book. However, even if I didn't agree with everything, the book was still well-written, and it may be something that parents wish to read in order for them to reach their own conclusions about social media and internet use.
I was sent a copy of this book in exchange for my honest review. I was not financially compensated, and all opinions are 100 percent mine.
February 27, 2020
This is a great book with good reminders typical of what is found in most of Dr. Chapman's books. Some of the tips and topics covered in the book are as follows:
-How to encourage your children to make eye contact.
-Share personal stories with your children.
-Teaching your children gratitude
-Teaching your children anger management and making honest apology.
-Teaching focus, and avoiding procrastination.
-Helping your children develop interpersonal, interactive, and social skills.
-A review of the 5 love languages for children
-The dangers of the overuse of internet, screen time, gaming, etc
-Cyber-bullying and other internet dangers
-Advice for single and overworked parents
"I dream of a day when all children can grow up and homes filled with love and security, where their developing energies can be channeled to learning and serving rather than craving and searching for the love they did not receive from home." - Dr. Gary Chapman
-How to encourage your children to make eye contact.
-Share personal stories with your children.
-Teaching your children gratitude
-Teaching your children anger management and making honest apology.
-Teaching focus, and avoiding procrastination.
-Helping your children develop interpersonal, interactive, and social skills.
-A review of the 5 love languages for children
-The dangers of the overuse of internet, screen time, gaming, etc
-Cyber-bullying and other internet dangers
-Advice for single and overworked parents
"I dream of a day when all children can grow up and homes filled with love and security, where their developing energies can be channeled to learning and serving rather than craving and searching for the love they did not receive from home." - Dr. Gary Chapman
November 18, 2015
Allot of very good advice and ideas are to be found in this book for parents of children, young children in particular. I particularly appreciated the love language concept as I truly believe that everyone responds differently to various actions of emotional expression and it does matter to understand the individuals own drivers of response to each. I could have appreciated the work more if a more tolerant approach to modern technology was taken in the context that it is the new reality and environment in which we all operate. Avoiding or shunning it isn't a solution and it can be adapted positively in family lifestyles. However I do understand the message of the book being moderation, it just takes an extreme view of this. Overall I took away many practical lessons and ideas from this book, thank you.
December 22, 2015
A good book on the ever challenging topic of technology. Overall a good source for parents. Great ideas for alternative questions/convo with your kids. A little bit on the love languages, ideas for trading screen time for activity/family time. Helpful info for parents with kids on cusp of having their own phone/tech. In the end, if the adults in the house cannot manage their own screen time in a healthy way, it is unlikely that your kids will. Set the example. They are watching.
May 31, 2015
I purchased this book to do a parent presentation and really liked it. The authors gave lots of info about the negative impact of too much screen time for children and how it impacts their development. They also shared tips and suggestions for parents to help with setting healthy limits and alternatives to screen time.
April 11, 2019
This was a great book! I am sure there are many people who might feel that this book takes something’s to the extreme, and it might. However having seen the effects of screen time (from all types of screens, not just smart phones) in my own life, and the lives of those around me, I loved this book! I highly recommend this book to all adults, because it is way more than just children who will benefit from this books content, especially if even only a few of the ideas in this book were taken to heart. You don’t have to be drastic and get rid of every device you have, however being more aware of your surroundings, putting people above electronics, and taking more breaks from screens will greatly benefit all people. This book is full of information, and research on the effects that electronics are having on us as individuals, and on families. There are tips, suggestions, and even solutions to problems that come up due to the screen age. With how much technology has advanced over time, and continues to do so, I personally believe that all people can benefit from reading this book.
September 25, 2019
I found this to be a good general parenting book for parenting in our technological age. I feel like I'm pretty deliberate and dare I say, strict with screen time, but after reading this I know I need to buckle down more. I really appreciated that it addressed how parents need to limit their own screen time and engage in the world around them. As adults it's easy to justify our use, but there comes a point when it simply isn't excusable and is damaging to the relationships we have. I appreciate the words that go against the beliefs many hold to focus on moving technology out of the forefront of our lives, which becomes destructive, and instead used as a tool to enhance it.
January 21, 2024
Easy read, good reminder to mind my own screen time and full of practical tips for raising kids with responsible screen time habits. Some religious undertones which weren’t applicable to me but I didn’t mind that and still gained some good advice.
June 16, 2025
Un libro de 10. Muy bien estructurado y explicado y muy práctico al estar lleno de propuestas para implementar en casa.
Como siempre nuestro ejemplo es la mejor guía para los peques así que invita a empezar por nosotros mismos.
Como siempre nuestro ejemplo es la mejor guía para los peques así que invita a empezar por nosotros mismos.
March 9, 2020
I think the parenting advice of rewarding kids like there life is a video game is overboard but the look at how tech effects our kids is astonishing
January 2, 2024
Very practical guide for parents.
April 18, 2022
Highly recommend this book for any parent or person who works in education!
September 7, 2015
004.678083 CHA
Chap1 Screen time: Too much, Too Soon?
p25 Owning up to your responsibility as a parent is much more effective than accusing your child of poor decision making.
Chap2 The A+ method for relational kids
p28 Immersing your kids in screens that are constantly changing, entertaining, engaging, and rewarding does not prepare them to succeed in reality.
Show affection; Appreciate others; Deal with Anger; Learn to apologize; Pay attention
Cbap3 The A+ skills of affection
p40 Advertisers can sell the romantic notion that a family will bond over watching a movie on a brand-new-sixty-inch, flat-screen television. The last phone will allow you to reach out and see anyone in the world with crystal clarity. But perhaps a more realistic picture is a family who shares an address yet live separately in their own electronic world.
Chap4 The A+ skills of appreciation
Chap5 The A+ skills of anger management
Chap6 The A+ skills of of apology
Chap7 The A+ skills of attention
Chap8 Screen time and shyness
p97 Screen time is interesting; Screen time is instant; Screen time gives immediate rewards; Since instruction in school isn't always interesting, instantly gratifying or reward, screen-driven kids enter the classroom at a disadvantage. They are not as willing to risk failure or endure boredom.
p121 You are not trying to create extrovert or coax a quiet child to become something he is not. Instead you want to help your child to relax in the presence of others and to connect through meaningful relationships.
Chap9 Screen time and the brain
p124 Using MRI scans, ..... Frontal brain circuits, which control attention, grow fastest between the ages of 3 to 6. The second spurt of synapse formation happens.. before puberty (roughly age 11 in girls, 12 in boys). Then there's pruning back of neurons in adolescence.
p125 Parents who are concerned their young children will be left behind if they don't board the technology train can take comfort in this experiment. if you had your child on the Internet for 5 hours like the group in the experiment, no doubt they would quickly become proficient in web searches, instant messaging, video games, and tweeting.
p128 Traditional book readers show activity in brain regions associated with language, memory, and visual processing while reading, but they don't display much activity in the prefrontal regions tied with decision making and problem solving. However, internet users show extensive activity across all those decision-making and problem-solving brain regions when they scan web pages. Deep reading is difficult online because the brain must evaluate links, decide where to navigate, and process distraction like advertisements. All of this pulls the brain from understanding the text at hand. Our brains online are busy making decisions and navigating through distractions, but they are not engaged in focused learning.
Chap10 Screen time and the love languages
p138 In raising children, everything hinges on the love relationship between the parent and child . Nothing works well if a child's love needs are not met. Only the child who feels genuinely loved and cared for can have successful, healthy relationship.
#1 physical touch #2 words of affirmation
#3:quality of time #4: gifts #5 acts of service
Chap11 Screen time and Security
Chap12 Screen time and Parental Authority
Chap13 Screen time and single parent
Chap14 Screen time and You
p204 What you do in the first 18 years of your child's life is monumental in his development into an adult.
Flickering Pixels: How Technology Shapes Your Faith By Hipps, Shane /261.52 HIP
The Shallows: What the Internet Is Doing to Our Brains
The Digital Invasion: How Technology Is Shaping You And Your Relationships
Hamlet's BlackBerry: A Practical Philosophy for Building a Good Life in the Digital Age
Chap1 Screen time: Too much, Too Soon?
p25 Owning up to your responsibility as a parent is much more effective than accusing your child of poor decision making.
Chap2 The A+ method for relational kids
p28 Immersing your kids in screens that are constantly changing, entertaining, engaging, and rewarding does not prepare them to succeed in reality.
Show affection; Appreciate others; Deal with Anger; Learn to apologize; Pay attention
Cbap3 The A+ skills of affection
p40 Advertisers can sell the romantic notion that a family will bond over watching a movie on a brand-new-sixty-inch, flat-screen television. The last phone will allow you to reach out and see anyone in the world with crystal clarity. But perhaps a more realistic picture is a family who shares an address yet live separately in their own electronic world.
Chap4 The A+ skills of appreciation
Chap5 The A+ skills of anger management
Chap6 The A+ skills of of apology
Chap7 The A+ skills of attention
Chap8 Screen time and shyness
p97 Screen time is interesting; Screen time is instant; Screen time gives immediate rewards; Since instruction in school isn't always interesting, instantly gratifying or reward, screen-driven kids enter the classroom at a disadvantage. They are not as willing to risk failure or endure boredom.
p121 You are not trying to create extrovert or coax a quiet child to become something he is not. Instead you want to help your child to relax in the presence of others and to connect through meaningful relationships.
Chap9 Screen time and the brain
p124 Using MRI scans, ..... Frontal brain circuits, which control attention, grow fastest between the ages of 3 to 6. The second spurt of synapse formation happens.. before puberty (roughly age 11 in girls, 12 in boys). Then there's pruning back of neurons in adolescence.
p125 Parents who are concerned their young children will be left behind if they don't board the technology train can take comfort in this experiment. if you had your child on the Internet for 5 hours like the group in the experiment, no doubt they would quickly become proficient in web searches, instant messaging, video games, and tweeting.
p128 Traditional book readers show activity in brain regions associated with language, memory, and visual processing while reading, but they don't display much activity in the prefrontal regions tied with decision making and problem solving. However, internet users show extensive activity across all those decision-making and problem-solving brain regions when they scan web pages. Deep reading is difficult online because the brain must evaluate links, decide where to navigate, and process distraction like advertisements. All of this pulls the brain from understanding the text at hand. Our brains online are busy making decisions and navigating through distractions, but they are not engaged in focused learning.
Chap10 Screen time and the love languages
p138 In raising children, everything hinges on the love relationship between the parent and child . Nothing works well if a child's love needs are not met. Only the child who feels genuinely loved and cared for can have successful, healthy relationship.
#1 physical touch #2 words of affirmation
#3:quality of time #4: gifts #5 acts of service
Chap11 Screen time and Security
Chap12 Screen time and Parental Authority
Chap13 Screen time and single parent
Chap14 Screen time and You
p204 What you do in the first 18 years of your child's life is monumental in his development into an adult.
Flickering Pixels: How Technology Shapes Your Faith By Hipps, Shane /261.52 HIP
The Shallows: What the Internet Is Doing to Our Brains
The Digital Invasion: How Technology Is Shaping You And Your Relationships
Hamlet's BlackBerry: A Practical Philosophy for Building a Good Life in the Digital Age
September 21, 2014
That there are more screens in our lives now than ever is probably something we all agree on. Even if we do not personally own one, screens are everywhere: on roads, in stores, at our workplace, in schools, ad nauseum. In my personal, non-expert point of view, screens are here to stay.
Thankfully, screens are not inherently bad – except maybe the very old sets that emit radiation at close range. I would even suggest that screens are an exceptional tool, creating windows into worlds we didn’t know existed before, worlds we could only previously imagine through the words of books or images of magazines. Through television shows and video clips available online, we not know details about animals in faraway lands, but we see how they move and interact with their environment. Screens have allowed us to go to the moon, to celebrate victories we had nothing to do with, and to cry in despair at tragedies affecting our brethren across the world.
Screens are also quite useful educational tools a parent can add to his or her arsenal, be it to stay in touch with grandparents, aunts, uncles, and cousins around the world, or to teach children how to read, write, or think critically. But as any parent or parenting expert can tell you, the screen is only a positive force if its relationship with the family is wisely moderated. The responsibility to do so falls mainly on the parents, and it requires skills that we do not naturally possess but can acquire.
To be published on 1 September 2014, Growing up Social: Raising Relational Kids in a Screen-Driven World, is written by Gary Chapman, author of The 5 Love Languages, and Arlette Pellicane. They sum up the question of screens and children as follows: “Our children are profoundly influenced by what they watch. They pick up words, phrases, and values from television shows, YouTube videos, and virtual worlds. If we leave our children unattended with their screens, we must be prepared to accept the consequences. They may be using language that’s too coarse or too mature. They may be developing a stronger affection for their devices than for people. After all, devices bend to your every whim and people don’t.”
Growing up Social is a Christian book that centers on the spiritual, emotional, and mental well-being of not just children, but also their parents. However, it is a book that readers of all denominations striving to achieve balance in their lives can benefit from. For while a strong relationship with God inspired this book, He is not forced upon the reader. In other words, the authors’ belief in God is an integral part of the entire book without becoming preachy, leaving more than enough space for parents who do not believe in God but do believe in living a life of virtue to use the advice given in the book. One striking example of this came as the authors explore various love languages: “Parents have asked, “What is my child’s love language is gifts? Won’t she be hurt or feel unloved if I don’t get what she wants?” Even if your child’s love language is gifts, you still don’t have to provide everything she wants. Think of how God parents us. He doesn’t give us everything we want. Sometimes He says no to what we want; other times He say wait; and sometimes He says yes. God is our example in parenting. At times, we will say no to our kids because we know what they are asking for is not going to help them. Other times we make them wait because they are not ready for what they desire or it’s not in the budget.”
This section also reflects how Growing up Social is a parenting book that does not just focus on how to deal with screens, but on how to create a healthy environment in which we have control of screens. While it makes for a thicker read, contextualising helps understand the concept of parenting in a screen driven world and allows for the development of a healthy relationship with screens based on a sophisticated understanding of the dynamics at work. The age old complaint of children being more respectful of parents and adults, stronger academically, and more courteous in previous generations is not blamed on technology, but rather, on the family and societal dynamics surrounding its usage.
Thankfully, screens are not inherently bad – except maybe the very old sets that emit radiation at close range. I would even suggest that screens are an exceptional tool, creating windows into worlds we didn’t know existed before, worlds we could only previously imagine through the words of books or images of magazines. Through television shows and video clips available online, we not know details about animals in faraway lands, but we see how they move and interact with their environment. Screens have allowed us to go to the moon, to celebrate victories we had nothing to do with, and to cry in despair at tragedies affecting our brethren across the world.
Screens are also quite useful educational tools a parent can add to his or her arsenal, be it to stay in touch with grandparents, aunts, uncles, and cousins around the world, or to teach children how to read, write, or think critically. But as any parent or parenting expert can tell you, the screen is only a positive force if its relationship with the family is wisely moderated. The responsibility to do so falls mainly on the parents, and it requires skills that we do not naturally possess but can acquire.
To be published on 1 September 2014, Growing up Social: Raising Relational Kids in a Screen-Driven World, is written by Gary Chapman, author of The 5 Love Languages, and Arlette Pellicane. They sum up the question of screens and children as follows: “Our children are profoundly influenced by what they watch. They pick up words, phrases, and values from television shows, YouTube videos, and virtual worlds. If we leave our children unattended with their screens, we must be prepared to accept the consequences. They may be using language that’s too coarse or too mature. They may be developing a stronger affection for their devices than for people. After all, devices bend to your every whim and people don’t.”
Growing up Social is a Christian book that centers on the spiritual, emotional, and mental well-being of not just children, but also their parents. However, it is a book that readers of all denominations striving to achieve balance in their lives can benefit from. For while a strong relationship with God inspired this book, He is not forced upon the reader. In other words, the authors’ belief in God is an integral part of the entire book without becoming preachy, leaving more than enough space for parents who do not believe in God but do believe in living a life of virtue to use the advice given in the book. One striking example of this came as the authors explore various love languages: “Parents have asked, “What is my child’s love language is gifts? Won’t she be hurt or feel unloved if I don’t get what she wants?” Even if your child’s love language is gifts, you still don’t have to provide everything she wants. Think of how God parents us. He doesn’t give us everything we want. Sometimes He says no to what we want; other times He say wait; and sometimes He says yes. God is our example in parenting. At times, we will say no to our kids because we know what they are asking for is not going to help them. Other times we make them wait because they are not ready for what they desire or it’s not in the budget.”
This section also reflects how Growing up Social is a parenting book that does not just focus on how to deal with screens, but on how to create a healthy environment in which we have control of screens. While it makes for a thicker read, contextualising helps understand the concept of parenting in a screen driven world and allows for the development of a healthy relationship with screens based on a sophisticated understanding of the dynamics at work. The age old complaint of children being more respectful of parents and adults, stronger academically, and more courteous in previous generations is not blamed on technology, but rather, on the family and societal dynamics surrounding its usage.
November 29, 2018
This was a good read. I love Gary Chapman’s material on the five love languages and the five languages of apology. I was glad he included them both in this book in relation to screen time. I found this book full of great reminders for me and my kids.
October 24, 2014
I had previously read Gary Chapman's most famous book 'The 5 Love Languages' and had enjoyed it so I decided to read this one. Both books are pretty simple and short and have driven me to have some pretty fun discussions with my wife and friends.
The focus of this book is on raising kids in a screen-driven world. I have thought a lot about the fact that my son (and now daughter) are growing up in a very different world than I did. I still remember when the internet was a new thing - now my son will grow up with the internet and social media on phones, tablets, appliances, public transportation, etc. In my mind I have wondered if I should submit to the fact that this is the new normal and that using electronics is simply a part of life now or whether I should fight against it, having him grow up mostly technology-free (somehow). I have wrestled with feeling guilty over putting my son in front of the tv so I can exercise or finish work, or putting my phone in front of him to curb his crying in a public place. My guess is that many parents have had these same thoughts. I knew that this book would make me feel guilty so I approached it with the understanding that I am trying and that there is a never a clear answer on how to raise my kids.
Gary Chapman (and his co-author) provide numerous studies about the detrimental effects of electronics on children. They suggest that a surplus of screen-time can increase the chances of children having ADHD, obesity, and various problems with social skills. They talk about how kids spend more time with screens than their parents and how things like family dinner, church, and social events, are being affected by screens. I found that most of what the authors said sounded reasonable. I do think kids (and people in general - myself not excluded) spend too much time on screens. It has become the default when we have free time. I agree that it likely has negative effects on children (and adults) and that we would be better off regulating it. The most influential idea of the book for me is that screen time should have a purpose. That may sound vague, but the idea is that screen time should not just be something we do all the time whenever we are bored, it should have a purpose. Are we doing work? Are we having a family movie night? In those cases, screens help us get work done or spend quality time with our family. It should have definite start-stop rules around it. The authors suggest that we should try to turn off electronics after a certain point in the evening and put them in a box that we do not retrieve until the morning. They suggest numerous activities for parents to get kids involved in instead of electronics.
With all that being said, it seemed like almost all of the studies that they mentioned, the relationship between screen time and negative effects was more of a binary relationship - meaning that the presence of negative effects in children was not a function of how many hours (1 hour a day is worse than 2 hours a day which is worse than 3 hours a day, etc) but more of a function of whether they watched a 'lot' or a 'little'. Most of the studies concluded that less than 2 hours a day of screens was fine, more than that was bad. I know this isn't a hard and fast rule but this makes sense to me. I grew up watching cartoons and playing video games but it wasn't in periods much longer than 2 hours and it usually wasn't every day. I played lots of sports and played with friends. (I say this because some people look on media in general as terrible but I felt like I had a healthy relationship with it as a kid so I know it is possible). The authors stress moderation and purpose, not abstinence.
The focus of this book is on raising kids in a screen-driven world. I have thought a lot about the fact that my son (and now daughter) are growing up in a very different world than I did. I still remember when the internet was a new thing - now my son will grow up with the internet and social media on phones, tablets, appliances, public transportation, etc. In my mind I have wondered if I should submit to the fact that this is the new normal and that using electronics is simply a part of life now or whether I should fight against it, having him grow up mostly technology-free (somehow). I have wrestled with feeling guilty over putting my son in front of the tv so I can exercise or finish work, or putting my phone in front of him to curb his crying in a public place. My guess is that many parents have had these same thoughts. I knew that this book would make me feel guilty so I approached it with the understanding that I am trying and that there is a never a clear answer on how to raise my kids.
Gary Chapman (and his co-author) provide numerous studies about the detrimental effects of electronics on children. They suggest that a surplus of screen-time can increase the chances of children having ADHD, obesity, and various problems with social skills. They talk about how kids spend more time with screens than their parents and how things like family dinner, church, and social events, are being affected by screens. I found that most of what the authors said sounded reasonable. I do think kids (and people in general - myself not excluded) spend too much time on screens. It has become the default when we have free time. I agree that it likely has negative effects on children (and adults) and that we would be better off regulating it. The most influential idea of the book for me is that screen time should have a purpose. That may sound vague, but the idea is that screen time should not just be something we do all the time whenever we are bored, it should have a purpose. Are we doing work? Are we having a family movie night? In those cases, screens help us get work done or spend quality time with our family. It should have definite start-stop rules around it. The authors suggest that we should try to turn off electronics after a certain point in the evening and put them in a box that we do not retrieve until the morning. They suggest numerous activities for parents to get kids involved in instead of electronics.
With all that being said, it seemed like almost all of the studies that they mentioned, the relationship between screen time and negative effects was more of a binary relationship - meaning that the presence of negative effects in children was not a function of how many hours (1 hour a day is worse than 2 hours a day which is worse than 3 hours a day, etc) but more of a function of whether they watched a 'lot' or a 'little'. Most of the studies concluded that less than 2 hours a day of screens was fine, more than that was bad. I know this isn't a hard and fast rule but this makes sense to me. I grew up watching cartoons and playing video games but it wasn't in periods much longer than 2 hours and it usually wasn't every day. I played lots of sports and played with friends. (I say this because some people look on media in general as terrible but I felt like I had a healthy relationship with it as a kid so I know it is possible). The authors stress moderation and purpose, not abstinence.
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