I looked forward to reading this book, and I really wanted to like it... but I was disappointed. Please note I mean no criticism of Ian and Larissa's actual life or story, but just of the published memoir itself.
My main criticism: I wish the author had gone into greater depth of reflection in the book.
To decide to marry a man with a traumatic brain injury is, obviously, huge. She shared some of what that process was like, but on a fairly surface-y level. What were the conversations between her and her parents about that like? His parents? How did she actually decide to go through with it? There were several years between Ian's accident and their engagement, and though she described grief, longing, and jealousy of others' lives moving on, she never explored in real depth what her thought processes about their future together were like during that time.
A perfect example: "He loved my soul, but I didn't know if love for my soul could fill the gaps I would feel in my heart. So we just kept going." And... done. ????
Another: "Steve talked to Ian a lot, like the time I found them out on the patio, and Steve started to tell me what he was learning in the book of Job, and what Ian had been telling him about wanting to marry me. Steve was helping Ian to prepare to make one of the biggest decisions of his life."
...That's it. No more detail about how conversations like that went. A few pages later they were engaged.
There was one brief paragraph (pg 178) when Larissa describes someone asking her if she felt pressure to stay. "No, I didn't think so. I truly believed Ian and I could marry."
Okay... but why? And how did she arrive there? There had to have been more to it than that, and the book would have been richer for more of those reflections shared.
Similarly, deeper reflections were missing on such complicated topics as her relationships with his family. There were several allusions to being frustrated or angry at Ian's parents, not knowing her role in the house or around Steve's death- I can only imagine moving in with your boyfriend's family for years would have had its own story, but it was never explored. Perhaps this was out of respect for others' privacy, which I can understand... but it didn't make for excellent writing or storytelling. Elsewhere I read a review that said the author only described everyone she and Ian knew as "wonderful and holy", and I would agree with that. Almost all of the people in the book besides Ian and Larissa felt two-dimensionally sketched out.
My other significant complaint is with the way faith was written about. Not the FACT that it was written about- nothing about Ian and Larissa's story has ever remotely hidden faith! (Awesome!)
But there seemed to be an assumption that the reader is deeply familiar not only with Christian faith, but with a very specific subculture of evangelical Christianity.
Her religious conversion is described only in her admission of being afraid of going to hell on one page and a few pages later stating that "the truth of Jesus and His accomplishment on the cross infused into my bloodstream. Faith came alive in me, and I was able to look at the world in an completely different way. I became flesh, and I became God's." What? How? What does that mean?
There are frequent references to "His accomplishment on the cross", "switching my fate from hell to heaven", "I was seeing God in these friendships" without going into any more detail.
One paragraph read, "We were moving from stone to flesh, from lifeless clay to pottery, agreeing to wash away ourselves until the pure white shown through."
In another place, "He's excited for us to see each other in perfection as we come into Christ and into the fullness he has promised for us".
Would anyone who is not immersed in evangelical culture have any idea what any of that means??
These are very specific ways of describing the Bible and faith in Jesus. Not everyone reading these statements will know what she means- I assumed that the Murphys hoped their book to be an outreach tool, but I feel like unless the reader has already been immersed in a conservative Christian culture, they would be really confused. It might have been helpful to at least give a basic explanation of the Gospel.
I wasn't confused, but I still found the language off-putting. To be frank, the book was filled with "Christianese"- lots of words and ways of talking that only Christians, especially particular subcultures within the wider Christian community, use. There are ways to talk about Jesus, grace, and the Gospel that are much more accessible. I can't imagine any of my non-Christian friends understanding the beliefs or experiences she is referencing without getting some more explanation. Even for someone who does follow what she's talking about, it sounded stilted and removed from real life.
I think Ian and Larissa's story is beautiful, and they both seem like wonderful people. I wish them all the best and I have enjoyed following their blog and their videos on the Desiring God website. I think there is much to learn from their character and their lives. I just wish this book had pushed harder to explore and reflect on a deeper level.