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Is It My Fault?: Hope and Healing for Those Suffering Domestic Violence.
Save Me From Violence
proclaims the gospel of healing and hope to victims who know too well the depths of destruction and the overwhelming reality of domestic violence.
At least one in every three women have been beaten, coerced into sex, or abused in their lifetime. The effects of domestic violence are physical, social, emotional, psychological, and spiritual, and can have long-lasting distressing consequences. It is common for victims of domestic violence to suffer from ongoing depression and recurring nightmares, self-harm, such as cutting, panic attacks, substance abuse, and more.
This book exists to address the abysmal issues of domestic violence using the powerful and transforming biblical message of grace and redemption. Save Me From Violence convincingly shows that the Lord is the Only One who can heal the despairing victim. It deals with this devastating problem and sin honestly and directly without hiding its prevalence today.
At least one in every three women have been beaten, coerced into sex, or abused in their lifetime. The effects of domestic violence are physical, social, emotional, psychological, and spiritual, and can have long-lasting distressing consequences. It is common for victims of domestic violence to suffer from ongoing depression and recurring nightmares, self-harm, such as cutting, panic attacks, substance abuse, and more.
This book exists to address the abysmal issues of domestic violence using the powerful and transforming biblical message of grace and redemption. Save Me From Violence convincingly shows that the Lord is the Only One who can heal the despairing victim. It deals with this devastating problem and sin honestly and directly without hiding its prevalence today.
234 pages, Kindle Edition
First published February 11, 2014
34 people are currently reading
401 people want to read
About the author
Lindsey A. Holcomb
16 books4 followersLindsey A. Holcomb counsels victims of sexual assault and domestic violence. Previously, she worked a case manager at a sexual assault crisis center and a domestic violence shelter. Lindsey provided crisis intervention to victims of sexual assault and domestic violence and conducted a variety of training seminars to service providers. She earned a Master in Public Health with a focus on violence against women. Lindsey and Justin are authors of Is It My Fault? and a children's book, God Made All of Me.
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Displaying 1 - 22 of 22 reviews
May 22, 2017
It's no secret that there is an epidemic among certain churches in America. Abuse (usually by men) is justified by both the abusers and church leaders when it comes to light. Christian wives are told to submit, told they're responsible for the abuse, and receive no real help from the institution that should be helping them the most. The sad reality is that this cancer has been allowed to fester in certain churches spheres for quite awhile and too many women have been hurt.
This book is a hard-hitting manual for church leaders, friends, and those who live or have lived with domestic violence. It's divided into three parts. The first gives the reader an overview of domestic violence. It discusses statistics as well as the psychology behind it. It lays out clearly what it is as well as how serious an issue this is. As evidenced by the exposes that are still coming to light, domestic violence is often not taken seriously by pastors and other church leaders. The book shows clearly why this should not be the case.
The second section deals with domestic violence and the Bible. It confronts the common arguments used by people to justify domestic violence such as: the wife needs to "submit" and her suffering will have the same redeeming value for her family that Jesus' had. They clearly show how these and others are unbiblical and twisted arguments that only damage the family. They also deal with the emotions a victim will feel in regards to her faith and show how abuse is not sanctioned by God.
The last part also is about the Bible but it's more of a meditation and reflection section for those who have survived or are surviving domestic violence. They discuss Psalms 18, 22, and 55 and directly relate them to a victims' experiences. I was not always comfortable with their interpretation in this section but that's a minor complaint.
Finally we have the appendixes and recommended readings. As this is a small book they list other reliable resources that can help pastors and church leaders who are confronted with this issue. There are also guides for helping a victim leave her situation and get help.
This is a necessary book that I wish every church leader in this country would read. It is right on and does not shy from the truth. It provides solid biblical guidance for helping domestic violence victims. If you want to understand the issue of domestic violence better and help Christian women who find themselves trapped in it then this a good place to start.
Note: I received a free copy in exchange for my honest review.
This book is a hard-hitting manual for church leaders, friends, and those who live or have lived with domestic violence. It's divided into three parts. The first gives the reader an overview of domestic violence. It discusses statistics as well as the psychology behind it. It lays out clearly what it is as well as how serious an issue this is. As evidenced by the exposes that are still coming to light, domestic violence is often not taken seriously by pastors and other church leaders. The book shows clearly why this should not be the case.
The second section deals with domestic violence and the Bible. It confronts the common arguments used by people to justify domestic violence such as: the wife needs to "submit" and her suffering will have the same redeeming value for her family that Jesus' had. They clearly show how these and others are unbiblical and twisted arguments that only damage the family. They also deal with the emotions a victim will feel in regards to her faith and show how abuse is not sanctioned by God.
The last part also is about the Bible but it's more of a meditation and reflection section for those who have survived or are surviving domestic violence. They discuss Psalms 18, 22, and 55 and directly relate them to a victims' experiences. I was not always comfortable with their interpretation in this section but that's a minor complaint.
Finally we have the appendixes and recommended readings. As this is a small book they list other reliable resources that can help pastors and church leaders who are confronted with this issue. There are also guides for helping a victim leave her situation and get help.
This is a necessary book that I wish every church leader in this country would read. It is right on and does not shy from the truth. It provides solid biblical guidance for helping domestic violence victims. If you want to understand the issue of domestic violence better and help Christian women who find themselves trapped in it then this a good place to start.
Note: I received a free copy in exchange for my honest review.
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January 25, 2021Because many conservative Christian communities still function like abusive relationships, people from these communities often struggle to identify abuse. Indeed, the traditional idea of the Christian God is an example of the ultimate abuser. "Worship me the way I want or I will torture you forever." "Only I have the power to resolve you of your sins and save you." Because if this, it can be difficult to help people from these communities break the cycle of abuse in their lives. I stumbled upon this book by accident, but it is something I will use in my advocacy with Christian survivors moving forward. It provides helpful advice that is grounded in scripture.
I want to bring attention to chapter 2 in this book, "Am I in an Abusive Relationship?" You can access a PDF of the full chapter link: here.
Notable quotes:
"According to surveys, one in four women will be sexually assaulted at some point in their lifetimes, and these statistics are probably underestimates. Sexual assault can occur in marriage. As a matter of fact, researchers have estimated that sexual assault occurs in 10–14% of all marriages."
"Lundy Bancroft, a consultant who has studied extensively the minds of abusive men, writes, “Abuse grows from attitudes and values, not feelings. The roots are ownership, the trunk is entitlement, and the branches are control.” The issue of abuse is not only about having control of and power over someone else. The abuser uses power and control as tools to support his belief that he owns his wife or partner and that he is entitled to certain treatment."
"Chauvinism and misogyny are effects of sin...Chauvinism says that men and women have been created in a hierarchy with the male as the higher, superior sex—much like a king born into a family with a natural right to exercise authority over the rest of his nation. Chauvinism upholds that women, in contrast, are the weaker or lesser of the sexes, inheriting a natural role of submission to the man—like the citizens of a country who have no natural claim to authority. But we don’t believe that God created you to be in this role."
I want to bring attention to chapter 2 in this book, "Am I in an Abusive Relationship?" You can access a PDF of the full chapter link: here.
Notable quotes:
"According to surveys, one in four women will be sexually assaulted at some point in their lifetimes, and these statistics are probably underestimates. Sexual assault can occur in marriage. As a matter of fact, researchers have estimated that sexual assault occurs in 10–14% of all marriages."
"Lundy Bancroft, a consultant who has studied extensively the minds of abusive men, writes, “Abuse grows from attitudes and values, not feelings. The roots are ownership, the trunk is entitlement, and the branches are control.” The issue of abuse is not only about having control of and power over someone else. The abuser uses power and control as tools to support his belief that he owns his wife or partner and that he is entitled to certain treatment."
"Chauvinism and misogyny are effects of sin...Chauvinism says that men and women have been created in a hierarchy with the male as the higher, superior sex—much like a king born into a family with a natural right to exercise authority over the rest of his nation. Chauvinism upholds that women, in contrast, are the weaker or lesser of the sexes, inheriting a natural role of submission to the man—like the citizens of a country who have no natural claim to authority. But we don’t believe that God created you to be in this role."
July 6, 2020
One of the most difficult and tragic results of a woman of faith enduring ongoing abuse of any kind within a marital relationship is the destruction of her faith and trust in God. It thrusts her into a long nose dive of doubt and questioning where was God when her husband was doing all those horrible things to her? Didn't God care what was happening? Why didn't God stop it? And so forth.
Is it My fault has been the best book I've read in the past 6 years of recovering from a long term domestic abuse marriage to deal with those questions. The authors delve into the Scriptures and how much God hates oppression and absolutley promises victims to do justice in his time and his way. It is such an important thing to affirm to women that what was done to them is NOT God's desire or approved because within church settings and the context of "Christian" marriages, women are often told that their suffering abuse from their spouses is somehow their "calling". Then those same voices refuse to address the abuser's horrific wickedness.
Is it My Fault is an important contribution to this widespread epidemic within religious circles. It clears away the fog of lies, practices, and guilt tripping done to women who genuinely are seeking to live their faith while being destroyed by abusive spouses. Others within faith communities need to read this so that we can turn the tide of revictimization by churches, family, and friends. Women sufferers need to know that NONE of it was their fault, that God hates what is being done in these marriages, and that people of faith will support them when they come out and finally tell the truth about what's going on behind closed doors.
Is it My fault has been the best book I've read in the past 6 years of recovering from a long term domestic abuse marriage to deal with those questions. The authors delve into the Scriptures and how much God hates oppression and absolutley promises victims to do justice in his time and his way. It is such an important thing to affirm to women that what was done to them is NOT God's desire or approved because within church settings and the context of "Christian" marriages, women are often told that their suffering abuse from their spouses is somehow their "calling". Then those same voices refuse to address the abuser's horrific wickedness.
Is it My Fault is an important contribution to this widespread epidemic within religious circles. It clears away the fog of lies, practices, and guilt tripping done to women who genuinely are seeking to live their faith while being destroyed by abusive spouses. Others within faith communities need to read this so that we can turn the tide of revictimization by churches, family, and friends. Women sufferers need to know that NONE of it was their fault, that God hates what is being done in these marriages, and that people of faith will support them when they come out and finally tell the truth about what's going on behind closed doors.
March 21, 2016
Got this book for free on goodreads giveaways. Glad I got it when I was working at the women's center.
Gives a lot of good information about domestic violence. Has a very religious aspect, which I wasn't expecting when I got it. Some of the information was new to me, but most of it was just a refresher on what I was already learning.
Will be helpful for some people who are going through a domestic violence situation (or those that want to learn a lot about it). It includes the power and control wheel and other learning tools. Can be repetitive after a while.
Gives a lot of good information about domestic violence. Has a very religious aspect, which I wasn't expecting when I got it. Some of the information was new to me, but most of it was just a refresher on what I was already learning.
Will be helpful for some people who are going through a domestic violence situation (or those that want to learn a lot about it). It includes the power and control wheel and other learning tools. Can be repetitive after a while.
July 14, 2014
I will be recommending this book to anyone who will listen. No matter your connection to Domestic Violence - personal, friend, relative, congregation, or don't even know it might be around you - this is a fantastic resource. Excellent background, information, help, and theology of how to deal with domestic violence specifically as Christians.
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July 8, 2024I don’t love giving star ratings to non-fiction, but this was so well done. As a required reading for work, it honestly was a joy to read but also had some really harsh realities. Grateful that this has such a strong message of hope in Jesus in fleeing abuse and in getting help, seeking safety, and finding healing. Definitely recommend for anyone who is currently/has experienced abuse, knows someone in this spot, or works with women and children in abusive situations.
January 21, 2022
I felt that it was a very practical book for anyone who is currently living in an abusive relationship. It is balanced well between giving practical advice about statistics and what domestic violence might look like in a relationship, including ways to continue to be safe in the relationship and seeing the relationship through the eyes of the Bible. This book is helpful in allowing people to see their innate value through Christ rather than the abusive relationship that they have been or are still in.
This book is helpful to anyone who is or knows someone going through an abusive relationship.
This book is helpful to anyone who is or knows someone going through an abusive relationship.
April 14, 2016
I first picked up a copy of Is It My Fault? after reading God Made All of Me by the same authors. Abuse has so many different manifestations and all of them are tragic. While God Made All of Me is a book written to help parents prevent sexual abuse of their children, Is It My Fault? looks at the tragedy of abuse from another angle; that of the the adult victim who is suffering abuse in her home. Sadly, this is happening in more households than we may suspect.
Justin and Lindsey Holcomb understand the gravity of the situation. As a clergyman, Justin Holcomb sees the dark side of this sin on a regular basis and Lindsey works with victims of domestic violence on a regular basis. So what exactly is domestic violence? According to the Holcombs,
"Domestic Abuse is a pattern of coercive, controlling, or abusive behavior that is used by one individual to gain or maintain power and control over another individual in the context of an intimate relationship. This includes any behaviors that frighten, intimidate, terrorize, exploit, manipulate, hurt, humiliate, blame, injure, or wound an intimate partner."
It’s important to note here that this is not a situation in which, in the heat of the moment, a man may foolishly exhibit one of these behaviors. This is a pattern of behaving in this way rather than something that is done once and immediately confessed and dealt with. When the normal behavior of a man is to use his power to control we have a serious sin issue. Serious enough that God in Malachi 2:13-14 says that he absolutely will not receive a man’s offering who deals treacherously with his wife.
"And this is the second thing you do:You cover the altar of the Lord with tears, With weeping and crying; So He does not regard the offering anymore, Nor receive it with goodwill from your hands. Yet you say, “For what reason?” Because the Lord has been witness Between you and the wife of your youth, With whom you have dealt treacherously;Yet she is your companion And your wife by covenant."
Is It My Fault? is a wonderful resource for those who are suffering from domestic abuse. It offers aids to help women clear the smoke and see clearly so that they can begin to see that their abusive relationship is wrong. It identifies key traits of men who abuse women. Traits which we should all be aware of. The book also includes a well written chapter on why men chose to abuse; a question that victim’s need to come to grips with in order to stop blaming themselves for their partner’s abusive behavior.
One of my favorite things about Is It My Fault? is the way in which the authors framed the discussion on God around his high view of women and his deep concern for the helpless and oppressed. This is a book that I would recommend for just about anybody. The high rate of domestic abuse make it likely that everyone will know someone who has been abused or who is currently in an abusive relationship. Those who are in an abusive relationship themselves will gain a lot from this book. They will learn the patterns of destructive behavior and common traits of abusive men. They will also find a number of resources listed in the book to help them escape. In fact, the book includes an appendix to help a victim make a safety plan and escape their situation. Pastors will also benefit from this book. It is a wonderful resource to have on hand and should be required reading at every seminary. The fact that sin has tarnished the entire world is obvious from the horrific acts done against women by men each day. This book as added a much needed voice to the dialogue and offers significant help to those who are in need.
Click here to search Amazon for the best price on Is It My Fault?: Hope and Healing for Those Suffering Domestic Violence.
This review first appeared on my blog at http://www.teleiaphilia.com
Justin and Lindsey Holcomb understand the gravity of the situation. As a clergyman, Justin Holcomb sees the dark side of this sin on a regular basis and Lindsey works with victims of domestic violence on a regular basis. So what exactly is domestic violence? According to the Holcombs,
"Domestic Abuse is a pattern of coercive, controlling, or abusive behavior that is used by one individual to gain or maintain power and control over another individual in the context of an intimate relationship. This includes any behaviors that frighten, intimidate, terrorize, exploit, manipulate, hurt, humiliate, blame, injure, or wound an intimate partner."
It’s important to note here that this is not a situation in which, in the heat of the moment, a man may foolishly exhibit one of these behaviors. This is a pattern of behaving in this way rather than something that is done once and immediately confessed and dealt with. When the normal behavior of a man is to use his power to control we have a serious sin issue. Serious enough that God in Malachi 2:13-14 says that he absolutely will not receive a man’s offering who deals treacherously with his wife.
"And this is the second thing you do:You cover the altar of the Lord with tears, With weeping and crying; So He does not regard the offering anymore, Nor receive it with goodwill from your hands. Yet you say, “For what reason?” Because the Lord has been witness Between you and the wife of your youth, With whom you have dealt treacherously;Yet she is your companion And your wife by covenant."
Is It My Fault? is a wonderful resource for those who are suffering from domestic abuse. It offers aids to help women clear the smoke and see clearly so that they can begin to see that their abusive relationship is wrong. It identifies key traits of men who abuse women. Traits which we should all be aware of. The book also includes a well written chapter on why men chose to abuse; a question that victim’s need to come to grips with in order to stop blaming themselves for their partner’s abusive behavior.
One of my favorite things about Is It My Fault? is the way in which the authors framed the discussion on God around his high view of women and his deep concern for the helpless and oppressed. This is a book that I would recommend for just about anybody. The high rate of domestic abuse make it likely that everyone will know someone who has been abused or who is currently in an abusive relationship. Those who are in an abusive relationship themselves will gain a lot from this book. They will learn the patterns of destructive behavior and common traits of abusive men. They will also find a number of resources listed in the book to help them escape. In fact, the book includes an appendix to help a victim make a safety plan and escape their situation. Pastors will also benefit from this book. It is a wonderful resource to have on hand and should be required reading at every seminary. The fact that sin has tarnished the entire world is obvious from the horrific acts done against women by men each day. This book as added a much needed voice to the dialogue and offers significant help to those who are in need.
Click here to search Amazon for the best price on Is It My Fault?: Hope and Healing for Those Suffering Domestic Violence.
This review first appeared on my blog at http://www.teleiaphilia.com
March 29, 2021
Do not let the rating confuse you; the book was very informative and kept me thinking. The reason for the three star rating is simply because there were a few parts I did not agree with, or felt like they were misinterpreting the Bible verses or stories used to make a point.
In the first few chapters we learn about statistics for abuse and, essentially, what abuse entails. Because it is such a broad term, the first five chapters are really important in order to understand the abuse about which the authors are speaking. The next part talks about women in the Bible who dealt with domestic violence, and the third part covers three Psalms to help the abused understand God better. I am glad to say there are appendices: one is phone numbers the abused can call for help, the next is a list or worksheets discussing safety plans and what the abused would need to take with them if they decide to leave their situation, and the other is on what the Church can do to help those at risk.
One assumption of the book is that the person reading it is a woman suffering from domestic violence, but the information could just as easily apply to a man suffering from domestic violence. The other assumption of the book is that the reader is a Christian, but the information in it is helpful to anyone. I think it would be a good idea for pastors and friends of those being abused to read this book if for no other reason than to help them understand the thought process of the abused. I happened to stumble upon this book while a friend of mine was going through an abusive marriage and it really helped me see more clearly what she was enduring. It also helped me discover ways to pray for her and what not to say and what to say.
In the first few chapters we learn about statistics for abuse and, essentially, what abuse entails. Because it is such a broad term, the first five chapters are really important in order to understand the abuse about which the authors are speaking. The next part talks about women in the Bible who dealt with domestic violence, and the third part covers three Psalms to help the abused understand God better. I am glad to say there are appendices: one is phone numbers the abused can call for help, the next is a list or worksheets discussing safety plans and what the abused would need to take with them if they decide to leave their situation, and the other is on what the Church can do to help those at risk.
One assumption of the book is that the person reading it is a woman suffering from domestic violence, but the information could just as easily apply to a man suffering from domestic violence. The other assumption of the book is that the reader is a Christian, but the information in it is helpful to anyone. I think it would be a good idea for pastors and friends of those being abused to read this book if for no other reason than to help them understand the thought process of the abused. I happened to stumble upon this book while a friend of mine was going through an abusive marriage and it really helped me see more clearly what she was enduring. It also helped me discover ways to pray for her and what not to say and what to say.
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
November 25, 2014
I received this as a First Reads giveaway.
To start this off, I have to mention I did not realize this was a religious book. I work with families who deal with DV, so when I saw this giveaway, I jumped on it without looking further into it. I'll also state that I do not consider myself a Christian (I was raised Christian so I do have a soft spot for the religion, but I am not practicing). So I was a bit nervous when I realized that this is a faith-based way to handle DV.
That nervousness went away fast though. This is a great read for DV victims/survivors, social workers and counselors working with DV victims/survivors, and especially for those in the church setting. The authors give a really amazing explanation of DV in very understandable but in depth terms. I also appreciated that they constantly brought up and fought against the bible saying DV is kind of ok. They put out writings from the bible that clearly diminished this thought. The book also was filled with some very inspirational psalms.
I appreciate the section discussing safety planning, and also the section that discussed how DV could happen to anyone (although there was a stats section that was a bit one sided).
I will definitely be using this book with my Christian clients. I feel like every church or church related non profit should have this book on hand.
To start this off, I have to mention I did not realize this was a religious book. I work with families who deal with DV, so when I saw this giveaway, I jumped on it without looking further into it. I'll also state that I do not consider myself a Christian (I was raised Christian so I do have a soft spot for the religion, but I am not practicing). So I was a bit nervous when I realized that this is a faith-based way to handle DV.
That nervousness went away fast though. This is a great read for DV victims/survivors, social workers and counselors working with DV victims/survivors, and especially for those in the church setting. The authors give a really amazing explanation of DV in very understandable but in depth terms. I also appreciated that they constantly brought up and fought against the bible saying DV is kind of ok. They put out writings from the bible that clearly diminished this thought. The book also was filled with some very inspirational psalms.
I appreciate the section discussing safety planning, and also the section that discussed how DV could happen to anyone (although there was a stats section that was a bit one sided).
I will definitely be using this book with my Christian clients. I feel like every church or church related non profit should have this book on hand.
Read
November 15, 2016I thought the author did a great job in the writing of this book. It gives the comfort only the gospel can bring to a horrific situation. It provides strong arguments to the victim on why they should leave their abuser and how to get away from their abuser.
This is also good for pastors. 1 3-hour credit of counseling is all that is mandatory for pastors in many seminaries. Let's face it, the content in a basic counseling class doesn't prepare us for a person coming into our office who has been sexually abused. This is an are where we need to be studying and making ourselves better. This book is a great aid in that. The stats and figures allow us to see the horrible prevalence of this evil. The defense for leaving an abuser is something that we need to think through. And the practical advice and tips for leaving are things we need to know.
I believe this book to be a fantastic resource for sexual abuse victims and those who will be counseling sexual abuse victims.
This is also good for pastors. 1 3-hour credit of counseling is all that is mandatory for pastors in many seminaries. Let's face it, the content in a basic counseling class doesn't prepare us for a person coming into our office who has been sexually abused. This is an are where we need to be studying and making ourselves better. This book is a great aid in that. The stats and figures allow us to see the horrible prevalence of this evil. The defense for leaving an abuser is something that we need to think through. And the practical advice and tips for leaving are things we need to know.
I believe this book to be a fantastic resource for sexual abuse victims and those who will be counseling sexual abuse victims.
April 28, 2014
Is It My Fault? is a must read for all involved in or have been involved in domestic abuse. Being yourself or someone you know, this book helps one to have a better understanding about abuse. I wish I had this book handy when I was in my first marriage. Even though that relationship has been over for over a decade now, I now see how much danger I was in.
I would definitely recommend this book for all of those in an abusive relationship. Including teenagers, those in a same sex relationship, and friends and family of the abused.
5 plus stars.
I would definitely recommend this book for all of those in an abusive relationship. Including teenagers, those in a same sex relationship, and friends and family of the abused.
5 plus stars.
December 31, 2014
Although I think the content of this book was wonderful. It was a bit too focused on the religious aspects of healing, for my personal taste. Personally, although I understand the importance of religion to some, I was disappointed that this book included so many references to religion as I feel that it greatly narrows down its potential audience. The book has a lot of potential and still has a lot of valuable content, but would be much more influential were those pieces to be omitted or kept to a minimum.
December 28, 2014
An excellent read for those either living a nightmare of domestic violence, or those reaching out to support and understand what a victim is struggling with each day! The statistics surrounding the long-lasting impact domestic violence can have on the victim as well as the children are alarming! I love the author's Biblical perspective of God's grace, healing and hope for the victim.
June 5, 2020
Thank you for writing this, I feel like all churches/ pastors should read this. Thank you for explaining to me the scripture and how it applies to domestic violence. Reading this helped me discover a lot of lies society, churches and my abuser led me to believe.
It's not my fault.
It's not my fault.
Read
August 3, 2022Recommended if you are looking for a semi-conservative Christian approach to abuse. Was helpful at the time
December 27, 2019
A treasure for the church on the topic of domestic violence. Written by a theologian and counselor, husband and wife team this book is saturated with scripture and a robust research with annotated bibliography and notes section. The 3 parts (What is Domestic Violence? Women, Domestic Violence and The Bible; Reflections on Psalms) are helpful for those who are abused as well as those ministering to them and the appendicies extremely practical.
The quotes/ideas I want to remember:
p. 67 "In the Bible, the psalmist never shies away from telling the truth of his dire circumstances--and neither should you. By naming injustice, violence and lies, you acknowledge to God-and to yourself-that things are not the way they are meant to be. That very longing for wrongs to be righted speaks to your dignity, value, and worth as one created by God. Acknowledging the trauma you have experienced is vital to your healing, but it is only the first step. As you begin to come to terms with your abuse, further healing will come as you are able to interpret the effect of what happened to you within a larger patter of meaning."
p. 77 The deep emotions of suffering (as a domestic violence victim) make it difficult to see clearly. "This is where grace offers an incredible gift--the gift of refuting tautly thinking and replacing it with God-given truth. What God's grace can offer you is simply this: it will show you who you are, undistorted. And it will point you to the God who loves and comforts those in need." "God's grace to you acts in two ways. First, by showing you who you are in relation to Him, He dismantles the beliefs that give power to disgrace. But more than that, grace re-creates what violence has destroyed."
p. 85 "His righteousness, holiness, and blamelessness are imputed to us. This dramatically transforms our identity."
p. 136-137 "In an abusive relationship, there is every reason for a woman to flee and to see this as God's loving means of rescuing her from harm and harm to her children." "In the case of domestic abuse, prioritizing protection certainly includes encouraging and supporting women to separate from abusive husbands." "...while an abused woman with no children has strong biblical warrant to flee and abusive husband, she has additional warrant to do so if she has children."
p. 137-138 "Marriage is a covenant; divorces the breaking of that covenant. When a man chooses to be abusive, he breaks the covenant. An abusive man forfeits the right to remain married unless the woman wants to stay married. ... It is the abuser who must be confronted concerning his or hear breaking of the marriage covenant, and 'victims need to know that leaving is well within their rights as a child of God.'"
p. 151 "Being a member of HIs people establishes your identity and worth." Zechariah 2:8 "apple of his eye" is the most sensitive area and "describes something precious, easily injured, and demanding protection."
p. 154 "God wants you to be safe, healed, and at peace even more than you do."
p. 163 "Whereas Christ's suffering may be seen as redemptive, suffering from abusive men does not redeem, indeed it guarantees that the violence will continue."
p. 177 "'But I will trust in you' is a call to God as an advocate of the afflicted, as their deliverer and refuge, and in so doing the afflicted gain strength to resist and are given back the identity that violence has stolen from them. ... This trust in God is what makes i possible to name the action, to accuse perpetrators, and to hope for an end to the violence."
p. 181 "You do not merely survive your trials; you are sustained in the midst of them because absolutely nothing will be able to separate you from the love of God in Christ."
p. 202-203 give 8 practical helps for the church to reflect Jesus' heart for women at risk of domestic violence
The quotes/ideas I want to remember:
p. 67 "In the Bible, the psalmist never shies away from telling the truth of his dire circumstances--and neither should you. By naming injustice, violence and lies, you acknowledge to God-and to yourself-that things are not the way they are meant to be. That very longing for wrongs to be righted speaks to your dignity, value, and worth as one created by God. Acknowledging the trauma you have experienced is vital to your healing, but it is only the first step. As you begin to come to terms with your abuse, further healing will come as you are able to interpret the effect of what happened to you within a larger patter of meaning."
p. 77 The deep emotions of suffering (as a domestic violence victim) make it difficult to see clearly. "This is where grace offers an incredible gift--the gift of refuting tautly thinking and replacing it with God-given truth. What God's grace can offer you is simply this: it will show you who you are, undistorted. And it will point you to the God who loves and comforts those in need." "God's grace to you acts in two ways. First, by showing you who you are in relation to Him, He dismantles the beliefs that give power to disgrace. But more than that, grace re-creates what violence has destroyed."
p. 85 "His righteousness, holiness, and blamelessness are imputed to us. This dramatically transforms our identity."
p. 136-137 "In an abusive relationship, there is every reason for a woman to flee and to see this as God's loving means of rescuing her from harm and harm to her children." "In the case of domestic abuse, prioritizing protection certainly includes encouraging and supporting women to separate from abusive husbands." "...while an abused woman with no children has strong biblical warrant to flee and abusive husband, she has additional warrant to do so if she has children."
p. 137-138 "Marriage is a covenant; divorces the breaking of that covenant. When a man chooses to be abusive, he breaks the covenant. An abusive man forfeits the right to remain married unless the woman wants to stay married. ... It is the abuser who must be confronted concerning his or hear breaking of the marriage covenant, and 'victims need to know that leaving is well within their rights as a child of God.'"
p. 151 "Being a member of HIs people establishes your identity and worth." Zechariah 2:8 "apple of his eye" is the most sensitive area and "describes something precious, easily injured, and demanding protection."
p. 154 "God wants you to be safe, healed, and at peace even more than you do."
p. 163 "Whereas Christ's suffering may be seen as redemptive, suffering from abusive men does not redeem, indeed it guarantees that the violence will continue."
p. 177 "'But I will trust in you' is a call to God as an advocate of the afflicted, as their deliverer and refuge, and in so doing the afflicted gain strength to resist and are given back the identity that violence has stolen from them. ... This trust in God is what makes i possible to name the action, to accuse perpetrators, and to hope for an end to the violence."
p. 181 "You do not merely survive your trials; you are sustained in the midst of them because absolutely nothing will be able to separate you from the love of God in Christ."
p. 202-203 give 8 practical helps for the church to reflect Jesus' heart for women at risk of domestic violence
May 5, 2020
Domestic abuse remains a taboo subject for many people and yet it is an incredibly important subject to discuss and work towards eradicating from society. This book approaches the subject from a Biblical point of view. It’s a very well-researched book and has useful resources listed near the back. It’s very well laid out and is a must read book.
February 6, 2021
Really good book written for women who have or are suffering domestic violence. Solid, theological truth that calls evil what it is and points sufferers to hope and freedom, both physically and spiritually.
May 13, 2021
Helpful book for how to support and understand those who have experienced abuse
Want to read
April 2, 2015Reviewed by Rachael Marie Stone in XTy today. Very good apparently.
April 7, 2017
A good option for more evangelically leaning folks to discuss domestic violence.
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