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Sex for One: The Joy of Selfloving
The classic guide to fully enjoying the pleasures of self-love, full of warmth, intelligence, and informative line drawings—from a renowned sex educator featured on Netflix’s the goop lab with Gwyneth Paltrow
Confronting one of our last and most deeply rooted taboos—masturbation—noted sex expert and pro-sex feminist Betty Dodson, Ph.D., takes the shame out of self-love by creating a straightforward and appealing guidebook that reveals masturbation as a satisfying, vital form of sexual expression.
Dr. Dodson demonstrates how anyone can learn to make love alone with feelings of guilt or loneliness, and explains why masturbation is sexually and spiritually fulfilling for both men and women. Not only is it the safest sex, but sharing masturbation can also be a sensual treat for couples who want to learn more about each other’s sexual responses.
Sex for One demonstrates that self-loving is not just for times in-between lovers or for social misfits. Masturbation is the joyful and ongoing love affair that each of us has with ourselves throughout childhood, adulthood, and the golden years of old age.
Confronting one of our last and most deeply rooted taboos—masturbation—noted sex expert and pro-sex feminist Betty Dodson, Ph.D., takes the shame out of self-love by creating a straightforward and appealing guidebook that reveals masturbation as a satisfying, vital form of sexual expression.
Dr. Dodson demonstrates how anyone can learn to make love alone with feelings of guilt or loneliness, and explains why masturbation is sexually and spiritually fulfilling for both men and women. Not only is it the safest sex, but sharing masturbation can also be a sensual treat for couples who want to learn more about each other’s sexual responses.
Sex for One demonstrates that self-loving is not just for times in-between lovers or for social misfits. Masturbation is the joyful and ongoing love affair that each of us has with ourselves throughout childhood, adulthood, and the golden years of old age.
208 pages, Paperback
First published January 1, 1987
271 people are currently reading
3130 people want to read
About the author
Betty Dodson
16 books124 followersBetty Dodson is an American sex educator, author, and artist. Dodson held the first one-woman show of erotic art at the Wickersham Gallery in New York City in 1968. She left the art world to teach sex to women. She is widely known as a pioneer in women's, and to a somewhat lesser extent men's, sexual liberation, having sold more than 1 million copies of her first book, Sex for One. Much of her fame has come from her work not only advocating masturbation, but conducting workshops for more than 30 years in which groups of about 10 or more women (and at least once a group of men) would talk, explore their own bodies, and masturbate together. She hosted a Public-access television cable television program in New York City in the early 80's, and conducted her workshop - a dozen or so nude women discussing and practicing masturbation - on TV.
Dodson's books include Liberating Masturbation, a self-published book that became a feminist classic[citation needed]. Sex for One: The Joy of Self-Loving and Orgasms for Two: the Joy of Partnersex. She also produced four videos: Selfloving: Portrait of a Sexual Seminar, Celebrating Orgasm: Women's Private Selfloving Sessions, Viva la Vulva; Women's Sex Organs Revealed and The Orgasm Doctor": Two Private Hands-on Sex Coaching Sessions.
She is a founder of the pro-sex feminist movement[citation needed], having left behind the more traditional feminist movement because she considered it banal, antisexual and over-politicized. Dodson considers too much is made of sexual labels and embraces them all by calling herself a heterosexual, bisexual lesbian. She looks forward to the day we can all be just "sexual."
Dodson has a degree from the Institute for the Advanced Study of Human Sexuality for her research work on sexuality.
Dodson maintains a private practice in New York City. While she doesn't presently offer her Bodysex Workshops, she is available for private individual and couples coaching.
Dodson appeared in a Season 4 episode of Penn & Teller's Bullshit! that dealt with abstinence. She was also on The View, and has appeared in numerous sex documentaries.
Most recently, Dodson has partnered with Carlin Ross and created a sexuality portal for women under the brand Dodson and Ross. Together, they're launching an online video series "Basic Sex Skills: The New Porn.
Dodson's books include Liberating Masturbation, a self-published book that became a feminist classic[citation needed]. Sex for One: The Joy of Self-Loving and Orgasms for Two: the Joy of Partnersex. She also produced four videos: Selfloving: Portrait of a Sexual Seminar, Celebrating Orgasm: Women's Private Selfloving Sessions, Viva la Vulva; Women's Sex Organs Revealed and The Orgasm Doctor": Two Private Hands-on Sex Coaching Sessions.
She is a founder of the pro-sex feminist movement[citation needed], having left behind the more traditional feminist movement because she considered it banal, antisexual and over-politicized. Dodson considers too much is made of sexual labels and embraces them all by calling herself a heterosexual, bisexual lesbian. She looks forward to the day we can all be just "sexual."
Dodson has a degree from the Institute for the Advanced Study of Human Sexuality for her research work on sexuality.
Dodson maintains a private practice in New York City. While she doesn't presently offer her Bodysex Workshops, she is available for private individual and couples coaching.
Dodson appeared in a Season 4 episode of Penn & Teller's Bullshit! that dealt with abstinence. She was also on The View, and has appeared in numerous sex documentaries.
Most recently, Dodson has partnered with Carlin Ross and created a sexuality portal for women under the brand Dodson and Ross. Together, they're launching an online video series "Basic Sex Skills: The New Porn.
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August 9, 2011A friend handed this to me as she was packing her apartment. She read it for a sexuality class in college, and said it was a good read. I'll admit, Betty Dodson approaches the topic with the idea of liberating masturbation and allowing people to realize that self love is healthy and nothing to be ashamed of. She talks with a sense of openness and humor, and it was an enjoyable read. Although I will never understand how people are comfortable having sex talk groups in the nude, I appreciate the spirit in which she discusses the matter. She even took part in one of the studies at Rutgers where the charted the vitals of people during climax - and was amused to find out that they had to stop her because her vitals simulated a near heart attack. Dodson is a woman comfortable with herself where so many people are more afraid of what people will think or say about their innermost fantasies and sex practices, and if nothing else, this is a book that will reaffirm that there is no "normal", and as long as you can be comfortable in your own skin - anything goes.
September 14, 2007
This book is really dated, and I can see how outstanding it must have been when it was originally published. I don't find it really helpful for people who are already sex-positive; however, for people who don't yet appreciate their bodies, I feel it's excellent. I suggested it to a friend who was almost 30 and had never masturbated and she said it really helped her learn to love and know herself.
January 23, 2011
I know I flicked through this once in a bookshop, but I can't remember a damn thing about it. Anyway, great title.
May 5, 2018
I was eager to read something by Dodson, she is such a big name in the sex education movement. This book was kind of a disappointment, though. It must have been great when it was originally published, and I am happy to read about the many people who have benefited from her workshops. However, to me this books feels often painfully dated. Some of my main problems were:
+ Talking about female genital mutilation and male circumcision as if they're the same horrible act. These two are not anywhere close to each other in severity!
+ Don't blow air into the vagina, please! This is dangerous, why is it being demonstrated?
+ The author is convinced that bisexuality is the natural human state, and at several times she hints that heterosexuality and homosexuality are the result of socialization to suppress one of the two sides of your sexuality. This is not going to help gay rights activism one bit.
+ The author speaks of role reversal. She recommends that women put on a leather jacket to get in touch with their male assertive side. I can't even.
+ Almost every chapter has a piece about how pornography is going to save women's sexual lives. Once pornography goes mainstream, women will be able to see that every vulva is different! There are so many body types! Self-acceptance and self-love will rule the earth! This feels painfully naive once you live in a time where pornography is everywhere, and when this pornography mostly promotes only one type of woman (who is highly unnatural), and when it often depicts violence towards women and has little regard for the female orgasm.
+ "He feels that anal penetration balances his yin/yang energies by putting him in touch with the divine female principle of opening and receiving." *groan* How many more feminine/masculine trait stereotypes can I bear?
+ Don't put food into the vagina! They can contain bacteria and pesticides, not to start about yeast infections or parts of food that break off and get left behind. The book recommends trying out all types of vegetables to learn what size you prefer before you spend any money on a dildo you won't like. Honestly, saving some money shouldn't come with risks for your vaginal health.
+ About women after menopause: "I'm convinced it's important to continue doing some kind of penetration to slough off dead cells, aerate the vaginal barrel, stimulate natural lubrication, moisturize the vagina with oils, increase hormone levels with regular orgasms, and keep the PC muscle toned." No scientific grounds for these are given, and I can't find evidence for any of these claims. How can sexual stereotypes and taboos be broken if penetration is promoted as necessary. It just puts unnecessary pressure on women, especially postmenopausal women. If you are concerned about your pelvic floor muscles, just pick up Kegel exercises. Don't worry about the other claims.
+ Extra list of things not to do with your vagina even though it is mentioned somewhere in the book, either by the author or in the letters at the end: douching, putting on perfume, using soap.
+ Talking about female genital mutilation and male circumcision as if they're the same horrible act. These two are not anywhere close to each other in severity!
+ Don't blow air into the vagina, please! This is dangerous, why is it being demonstrated?
+ The author is convinced that bisexuality is the natural human state, and at several times she hints that heterosexuality and homosexuality are the result of socialization to suppress one of the two sides of your sexuality. This is not going to help gay rights activism one bit.
+ The author speaks of role reversal. She recommends that women put on a leather jacket to get in touch with their male assertive side. I can't even.
+ Almost every chapter has a piece about how pornography is going to save women's sexual lives. Once pornography goes mainstream, women will be able to see that every vulva is different! There are so many body types! Self-acceptance and self-love will rule the earth! This feels painfully naive once you live in a time where pornography is everywhere, and when this pornography mostly promotes only one type of woman (who is highly unnatural), and when it often depicts violence towards women and has little regard for the female orgasm.
+ "He feels that anal penetration balances his yin/yang energies by putting him in touch with the divine female principle of opening and receiving." *groan* How many more feminine/masculine trait stereotypes can I bear?
+ Don't put food into the vagina! They can contain bacteria and pesticides, not to start about yeast infections or parts of food that break off and get left behind. The book recommends trying out all types of vegetables to learn what size you prefer before you spend any money on a dildo you won't like. Honestly, saving some money shouldn't come with risks for your vaginal health.
+ About women after menopause: "I'm convinced it's important to continue doing some kind of penetration to slough off dead cells, aerate the vaginal barrel, stimulate natural lubrication, moisturize the vagina with oils, increase hormone levels with regular orgasms, and keep the PC muscle toned." No scientific grounds for these are given, and I can't find evidence for any of these claims. How can sexual stereotypes and taboos be broken if penetration is promoted as necessary. It just puts unnecessary pressure on women, especially postmenopausal women. If you are concerned about your pelvic floor muscles, just pick up Kegel exercises. Don't worry about the other claims.
+ Extra list of things not to do with your vagina even though it is mentioned somewhere in the book, either by the author or in the letters at the end: douching, putting on perfume, using soap.
April 7, 2009
I'm not at all embarrassed in letting you know that I read this book. It was totally wild and eye opening.
November 9, 2017
Qué felicidad me da encontrar libros como estos, en donde el autor se saca el corazón y lo examina a la vista de todos. Libros que se escriben no para vender, ni para impresionar, sino que para compartir algo que el autor siente que HA DE SER DICHO. Hay pocas cosas más candorosas y originales y auténticas, y siempre voy a creer que es un privilegio llegar y leer en tiempo tan breve el camino entero de la vida de alguien.
Acá el tema es tan polémico y relevante como puede ser, todavía en pleno siglo XXI: la sexualidad femenina, aunque también incluye a la masculina, y a todos los matices intermedios. Aunque la sexualidad no es algo nuevo, es un tema del que se habla poco, y qué refrescante es esta señora, que es capaz de contar sus intimidades más profundas de la manera más amistosa, solo para dar una mano a un tema tabú que no debiera serlo. Más encima tiene la humildad de ni siquiera decir que su camino es el único.
Es muy tierna. Y gráfica, jajaja. Y el libro es bueno.
El título, eso sí, engaña. No es un manual del autoerotismo, aunque también se hable de eso... es más una autobiografía de la autora, y también una radiografía de la sociedad moderna. La que no ha cambiado demasiado, todavía, dicho sea de paso (el libro es de los 80). Pese a todos los avances, amar al propio cuerpo sigue siendo algo casi prohibido, y disfrutarlo primero para uno y luego para los otros, sigue siendo visto como un acto de egoísmo y/o de perversión. En general, claro. Es innegable que igual han habido cambios.
A mí me gustó ¡mucho! Cortito y decidor. No dice la verdad absoluta, pero quién la dice. No logra conclusiones finales, pero quién las logra. Vale la pena leerlo, aunque solo quienes no se sientan "violentados" ante tanta sinceridad y búsqueda. Hay algunos que todavía tienen miedo o recelo de todas estas cosas.
Aunque quizás son ellos quienes más deberían echarle una mirada.
Un par de citas interesantes:
1.
Comprobé una cosa muy importante: Las mujeres están mucho más dispuestas a hablar sobre el sexo que los hombres. En la galería, las mujeres contaban sus miedos y sus problemas, y hacían muchas preguntas. Los hombres eran mucho menos abiertos; casi todos hacían chistes y se las daban de duros. Por algún motivo, se suponía que los hombres tenían experiencia suficiente en el sexo como para enseñar a las mujeres.
Pero la necesidad de mantener esa imagen masculina era, precisamente, lo que les impedía aprender. Cuando ya se saben todas las respuestas, ya no se pueden hacer preguntas.
2.
El grosor y la longitud en los penes de los hombres varían igual que en el clítoris de las mujeres. El pene puede ser corto o largo, grueso o delgado. La forma, el tamaño y el color de la punta cambian, igual que en los clítoris. La punta puede ser afilada, desigual por los bordes, o plana. Hay pollas clásicas y muy simétricas, pollas barrocas con venas y pliegues complicados, y pollas danesas modernas con trazos sencillos, lo mismo que los estilos de los coños. Hay todo tipo de colores: beige, color melocotón, marrón, lavanda, y rosa.
Es sólo un sueño, pero creo que cuando los hombres adoren de verdad sus falos, las armas y los misiles MX estarán obsoletos. Imagine un gobierno con una imagen positiva de los coños y de las pollas.
Acá el tema es tan polémico y relevante como puede ser, todavía en pleno siglo XXI: la sexualidad femenina, aunque también incluye a la masculina, y a todos los matices intermedios. Aunque la sexualidad no es algo nuevo, es un tema del que se habla poco, y qué refrescante es esta señora, que es capaz de contar sus intimidades más profundas de la manera más amistosa, solo para dar una mano a un tema tabú que no debiera serlo. Más encima tiene la humildad de ni siquiera decir que su camino es el único.
Es muy tierna. Y gráfica, jajaja. Y el libro es bueno.
El título, eso sí, engaña. No es un manual del autoerotismo, aunque también se hable de eso... es más una autobiografía de la autora, y también una radiografía de la sociedad moderna. La que no ha cambiado demasiado, todavía, dicho sea de paso (el libro es de los 80). Pese a todos los avances, amar al propio cuerpo sigue siendo algo casi prohibido, y disfrutarlo primero para uno y luego para los otros, sigue siendo visto como un acto de egoísmo y/o de perversión. En general, claro. Es innegable que igual han habido cambios.
A mí me gustó ¡mucho! Cortito y decidor. No dice la verdad absoluta, pero quién la dice. No logra conclusiones finales, pero quién las logra. Vale la pena leerlo, aunque solo quienes no se sientan "violentados" ante tanta sinceridad y búsqueda. Hay algunos que todavía tienen miedo o recelo de todas estas cosas.
Aunque quizás son ellos quienes más deberían echarle una mirada.
Un par de citas interesantes:
1.
Comprobé una cosa muy importante: Las mujeres están mucho más dispuestas a hablar sobre el sexo que los hombres. En la galería, las mujeres contaban sus miedos y sus problemas, y hacían muchas preguntas. Los hombres eran mucho menos abiertos; casi todos hacían chistes y se las daban de duros. Por algún motivo, se suponía que los hombres tenían experiencia suficiente en el sexo como para enseñar a las mujeres.
Pero la necesidad de mantener esa imagen masculina era, precisamente, lo que les impedía aprender. Cuando ya se saben todas las respuestas, ya no se pueden hacer preguntas.
2.
El grosor y la longitud en los penes de los hombres varían igual que en el clítoris de las mujeres. El pene puede ser corto o largo, grueso o delgado. La forma, el tamaño y el color de la punta cambian, igual que en los clítoris. La punta puede ser afilada, desigual por los bordes, o plana. Hay pollas clásicas y muy simétricas, pollas barrocas con venas y pliegues complicados, y pollas danesas modernas con trazos sencillos, lo mismo que los estilos de los coños. Hay todo tipo de colores: beige, color melocotón, marrón, lavanda, y rosa.
Es sólo un sueño, pero creo que cuando los hombres adoren de verdad sus falos, las armas y los misiles MX estarán obsoletos. Imagine un gobierno con una imagen positiva de los coños y de las pollas.
July 3, 2010
This really should be mandatory in women's studies classes. I wish I had read it sooner.
Although, I should point out that it's not just for women. Men should read it too.
Although, I should point out that it's not just for women. Men should read it too.
November 3, 2020
The book I wish I had when I was young, for SO many reasons.
February 12, 2012
This is not so much a book of "how to" as a book of "why not?". It is an important if, for no other reason, than it encourages us to develop a loving relationship with ourselves. Masturbation should be more than "getting off". It should also be a discovery of our own beautiful, amazing bodies. There are enough messages out there that encourage self loathing. This message of self acceptance is a breath of fresh air.
May 2, 2007
I think I'm on my 3rd copy of this - I keep lending it out, and every once in a while it doesn't come back.
A great book. I highly recommend it for anyone trying to overcome issues regarding sexuality and feelings of their own self-worth (or lack thereof). Betty can be a bit political and "out there" in her writing, but it's a good book and solidly sex-positive.
A great book. I highly recommend it for anyone trying to overcome issues regarding sexuality and feelings of their own self-worth (or lack thereof). Betty can be a bit political and "out there" in her writing, but it's a good book and solidly sex-positive.
June 30, 2019
Tenía 7 meses sin leer y tenía que hacerlo (nuevamente) de feminismo. Porque hay que volver con todo a la lectura
La conclusión que saqué de todo aquello fue que las mujeres son las que tienen que abrir el camino de la libertad sexual y la libertad de expresión.
October 17, 2015
I found the book to be empowering, interesting, relatable, and easy to follow and read. I would definitely recommend it. I found it easy to compare and contrast the similarities of today's society and society at the time she wrote the book. The book is geared more towards women, however does not exclude men and is helpful to all genders and sexualities.
With those being said, much of the supporting content is outdated. I was also annoyed that the author was often repetitive of her concepts. I felt like the book was more about her personal history of self-discovery versus what someone else can do to discover their own positive sexuality. I also felt like the book had undertones of the author trying to sell herself and her work, and at times that made it feel like the author and the book were not genuine and authentic.
Overall I enjoyed the book and found that it is still applicable to today's society and felt that its philosophies are still pertinent to those seeking help in finding their own sexual satisfaction and selves.
With those being said, much of the supporting content is outdated. I was also annoyed that the author was often repetitive of her concepts. I felt like the book was more about her personal history of self-discovery versus what someone else can do to discover their own positive sexuality. I also felt like the book had undertones of the author trying to sell herself and her work, and at times that made it feel like the author and the book were not genuine and authentic.
Overall I enjoyed the book and found that it is still applicable to today's society and felt that its philosophies are still pertinent to those seeking help in finding their own sexual satisfaction and selves.
October 12, 2008
I thought this book was going to be simply a how-to-guide, but it's far from it. It's not until the end that Betty Dodson gives any sort of direction on how to give yourself pleasure and even then, it's not your typical masturbation book. The book is about feminism throughout the years and about how people need to love their bodies in order to experience sexual satisfaction. I read this book this summer during a darker period in my life and it brought me a lot of comfort and rejuvenated me. I would recommend this book to any guava lover! My only critique is that occasionally throughout the book, she makes comments that I fear would alienate the transgendered community and despite being an open bisexual, she seems to still come from a hetero-normative viewpoint at times. However, I feel like she makes up for this in so many ways.
September 7, 2010
Bad prose, impressive illustrations, really really great ideas. This woman has helped more people to be happy than pretty much any other single person I can think of. Coolest, to me, is her idea that seeing masturbation as a sorry substitute for a partner or partners, or as an activity exclusively for the lonely, is almost as damaging as seeing it as causing blindness. It remains a dirty little secret, and women _and_ men are preventing from figuring out their best forms of sexual happiness and self-expression because they're taught to fear or disapprove of their own bodies. Good stuff.
November 30, 2010
I feel that Dodson's book is a great read for beginner and expert alike. Its more than just a manual, it gives one insight on her own voyage to a "cunt positive" lifestyle and provides a bit of history too. The pictures are also fabulous, providing one with exquisite examples and ideas.
After reading the book and trying out some of her advice I must say that I feel 50x more comfortable with myself.
LOVE the book!
After reading the book and trying out some of her advice I must say that I feel 50x more comfortable with myself.
LOVE the book!
January 4, 2013
El objetivo principal del libro es incentivar la masturbación femenina, lleva por etapas al lector a la auto aceptación, exploración y adoración de su cuerpo, al igual que crea diferentes rituales para ser mejor llevadera en pareja, La escritora describe sus experiencias y describe como esta actividad bien realizada puede llevar a las mujeres a ser mejor y más conocedoras del autoerotismo que los hombres.
February 11, 2009
This book was not particularly what I expected. It's not really a sex manual. It does contain some tips and ideas, but the bulk of the book is a sort of history of Dodson's own sexual liberation and the story of her work to liberate others. It's interesting and funny and I could see how it might be internally liberating for the person who is insufficiently liberated when they begin.
September 27, 2022
This has such a positive and liberating view on sex. The only thing that annoyed me was her lack of concern for the actresses sold into porn, as she claimed the only bad porn was boring porn, but otherwise this author is a self-loving delight. Her experiences in her field were deeply interesting, and I enjoyed the topic immensely. The way she discusses sex and masturbation was so unapologetic, it makes everything feel good and natural. In fact, I’m almost too embarrassed to post my review, but since she’d want me to I will. Anyone should take a gander at this book at some point. Cheers.
Edit:
Here’s a more thorough review with my notes in front of me, since I had no power and a bit of time on my hand to re-read.
Dr Dodson romanticizes masturbation while trying to dispel the myths around it. This is what I find particularly great about this book.
Things that ticked me off include Dr Dodson’s use of pornography and sensual explicit videos interchangeably. I can agree that censorship is not the answer to violence against women, however, many women that are in pornography deeply wish they weren’t. Sex trafficking, drug abuse, and blackmail are all involved in the creation of the most popular pornography sites and I believe it’s dangerous to shrug and say it can be hot if it’s consensual but we can’t do anything if it’s not.
Another things that really got to me, and actually made this book lose a star for me, is a focus on men being as harmed by sexual repression as women. In my experience, and as a long time academic feminist, women are much more harmed by things such as FGM (her comparison of circumcision is deeply disgusting to me. I agree that male circumcision is an issue, but women are being mutilated to the point of not even being able to have sex). Men not lasting over a few minutes is not comparable to women feeling disgusting in our bodies imo, or just call me a feminist I guess.
In Dr Dodson’s experience, monogamy is also to blame for sexual disfunction, which seems like a weird claim. I can agree that people (particularly women) shouldn’t feel like they can only have one forever partner, but I disagree that it is important to maintain affairs separate from your partner.
My favorite chapter (even if a lot of things she was claiming about FGM were wrong imo) was the Genital Imagery chapter. What a lovely thing, for women to see vulvas and understand that there are other women who look like us and there is no “normal” for genitals. Probably my favorite workshop of Dr Dodson’s is when she would travel the country showing off “feminist split beavers”.
Overall, fun, and I do recommend it to people who maybe aren’t the same branch of feminist as I, but it’s definitely helpful in general to those a bit more repressed than myself.
Edit:
Here’s a more thorough review with my notes in front of me, since I had no power and a bit of time on my hand to re-read.
Dr Dodson romanticizes masturbation while trying to dispel the myths around it. This is what I find particularly great about this book.
Things that ticked me off include Dr Dodson’s use of pornography and sensual explicit videos interchangeably. I can agree that censorship is not the answer to violence against women, however, many women that are in pornography deeply wish they weren’t. Sex trafficking, drug abuse, and blackmail are all involved in the creation of the most popular pornography sites and I believe it’s dangerous to shrug and say it can be hot if it’s consensual but we can’t do anything if it’s not.
Another things that really got to me, and actually made this book lose a star for me, is a focus on men being as harmed by sexual repression as women. In my experience, and as a long time academic feminist, women are much more harmed by things such as FGM (her comparison of circumcision is deeply disgusting to me. I agree that male circumcision is an issue, but women are being mutilated to the point of not even being able to have sex). Men not lasting over a few minutes is not comparable to women feeling disgusting in our bodies imo, or just call me a feminist I guess.
In Dr Dodson’s experience, monogamy is also to blame for sexual disfunction, which seems like a weird claim. I can agree that people (particularly women) shouldn’t feel like they can only have one forever partner, but I disagree that it is important to maintain affairs separate from your partner.
My favorite chapter (even if a lot of things she was claiming about FGM were wrong imo) was the Genital Imagery chapter. What a lovely thing, for women to see vulvas and understand that there are other women who look like us and there is no “normal” for genitals. Probably my favorite workshop of Dr Dodson’s is when she would travel the country showing off “feminist split beavers”.
Overall, fun, and I do recommend it to people who maybe aren’t the same branch of feminist as I, but it’s definitely helpful in general to those a bit more repressed than myself.
February 6, 2017
Sentí mucho amor por este libro y mientras avanzaba, me emocionaba la idea de repartírselo a todas mis conocidas (y a los conocidos que lo quisieran). Luego me dio miedo, porque pensé que las “verdaderas feministas” que conozco hace añísimos que lo leyeron (por supuesto). Y las que no son taaan feministas (o que no lo son de plano), iban a pensar que solo quería darles cochinadas pornográficas para leer. No sé. Sigo dudando.
Pero a mí me gustó mucho. Fue escrito en los ochentas y de repente te saltan cosas como que hablan de diafragmas como método anticonceptivo (nadie que conozco usa esas cosas, que yo sepa) o que está tan de moda mencionar al SIDA. Pero curiosamente, también hay otras cosas súper vigentes, en pleno 2017. Es una pena, creo. Que hayan pasado tantos años y que Betty pensaba que en nuestra época ya tendríamos un pensamiento bien liberal y tendríamos mayor aceptación sobre nuestros cuerpos. Y… no.
El libro va narrando el camino por el que Betty transitó para romper con muchas barreras mentales que tenía respecto a su sexualidad. Y como decidió compartir los conocimientos adquiridos en talleres de masturbación. Siento que es uno de esos eventos del que todo mundo ha leído algo, pero yo no. Y al principio traté de imaginar lo vergonzoso que sería y luego pasé a imaginar lo liberador que sería. Y lo emocionante y erótico y magnífico que sería.
Me dieron ganas de llorar porque habla de cosas que creo que le pasan a muchas mujeres (y de acuerdo con testimonios, a los hombres también). No tener poder sobre su fuente de placer. Fingir cuando quieren conservar el amor, sacrificando las relaciones sexuales satisfactorias. Pensar que masturbarse es algo sucio, desagradable, sexo de segunda, consuelo de fracasados. No saber cómo son sus genitales (yo también creía que mi vulva era deforme y fea cuando era más joven y no conocía otras vulvas), no saber tocarse, no querer experimentar más.
Es muy bonito cómo habla de amarse a uno antes que a nada y darse el tiempo, aún cuando se tiene pareja o compañeros sexuales, de explorar nuevas cosas. Un regalo de uno para uno mismo. Que se puede compartir si así se desea. Los testimonios al final del libro son tiernos y hermosos.
También me gustan sus dibujos, los pone como ejemplos conforme va avanzando la historia y son útiles (a mi parecer), además de bonitos. Quiero un Magic Wand.
Pero a mí me gustó mucho. Fue escrito en los ochentas y de repente te saltan cosas como que hablan de diafragmas como método anticonceptivo (nadie que conozco usa esas cosas, que yo sepa) o que está tan de moda mencionar al SIDA. Pero curiosamente, también hay otras cosas súper vigentes, en pleno 2017. Es una pena, creo. Que hayan pasado tantos años y que Betty pensaba que en nuestra época ya tendríamos un pensamiento bien liberal y tendríamos mayor aceptación sobre nuestros cuerpos. Y… no.
El libro va narrando el camino por el que Betty transitó para romper con muchas barreras mentales que tenía respecto a su sexualidad. Y como decidió compartir los conocimientos adquiridos en talleres de masturbación. Siento que es uno de esos eventos del que todo mundo ha leído algo, pero yo no. Y al principio traté de imaginar lo vergonzoso que sería y luego pasé a imaginar lo liberador que sería. Y lo emocionante y erótico y magnífico que sería.
Me dieron ganas de llorar porque habla de cosas que creo que le pasan a muchas mujeres (y de acuerdo con testimonios, a los hombres también). No tener poder sobre su fuente de placer. Fingir cuando quieren conservar el amor, sacrificando las relaciones sexuales satisfactorias. Pensar que masturbarse es algo sucio, desagradable, sexo de segunda, consuelo de fracasados. No saber cómo son sus genitales (yo también creía que mi vulva era deforme y fea cuando era más joven y no conocía otras vulvas), no saber tocarse, no querer experimentar más.
Es muy bonito cómo habla de amarse a uno antes que a nada y darse el tiempo, aún cuando se tiene pareja o compañeros sexuales, de explorar nuevas cosas. Un regalo de uno para uno mismo. Que se puede compartir si así se desea. Los testimonios al final del libro son tiernos y hermosos.
También me gustan sus dibujos, los pone como ejemplos conforme va avanzando la historia y son útiles (a mi parecer), además de bonitos. Quiero un Magic Wand.
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August 16, 2014Tendría que releerlo: lo leí hace unos diez años, en el primer portátil que tuve porque venía en medio de otros cientos (o miles) en uno de aquellos paquetes de cientos (o miles) de libros en pdf que circulaban. Yo estaba todavía en el momento "¿feminismo para qué?" en el mejor de los casos. Tenía 21-22 años, me gustaba la literatura, no sé en qué momento me llamó la atención el título. Y me había gustado. Lo del feminismo para qué, ya sabéis, muchas veces va de no pensar las cosas, no de no considerarlas importantes. Una considera que son importantes y no tienen nada que ver con el feminismo, que las feministas son histéricas y se meten con el canon literario. Y ya. Una no sabe nada de feminismo. Luego una se vuelve histérica también. Y feminista. Probablemente como procesos diferentes.
No sé. Tendría que releerlo, repito. Pero me había parecido interesante y curioso mucho de lo que contaba. Lo de mirarse al espejo, lo de las mujeres que nunca habían tenido un orgasmo hsata llegar allí (ay, yo tenía 21-22 años, me parecía el pasado más remoto), lo de que si abres los labios, tiene forma de corazón.
No me dejéis releerlo ahora, que tengo cuatro exámenes en dos semanas. Echadle un ojo. Está bonito.
Edito: recordé su existencia y haberlo leído leyendo esto: http://www.huffingtonpost.es/jenny-bl...
No sé. Tendría que releerlo, repito. Pero me había parecido interesante y curioso mucho de lo que contaba. Lo de mirarse al espejo, lo de las mujeres que nunca habían tenido un orgasmo hsata llegar allí (ay, yo tenía 21-22 años, me parecía el pasado más remoto), lo de que si abres los labios, tiene forma de corazón.
No me dejéis releerlo ahora, que tengo cuatro exámenes en dos semanas. Echadle un ojo. Está bonito.
Edito: recordé su existencia y haberlo leído leyendo esto: http://www.huffingtonpost.es/jenny-bl...
December 16, 2009
People who have tiny little ice boxes down there should read this.
It might help you defrost.
And if you don't need to loosen up, maybe you can at least enjoy the drawings of genitals, and the funny faces you'll make when you consider how uncomfortable our society STILL is when it comes to discussing masturbation and basic human anatomy.
I read two chapters before bed every night and was rewarded with incredible dreams. Betty Dodson is the auntie who would let you get wasted at her house and totally not tell your parents. Inspiring woman who really does want the best for you.
It might help you defrost.
And if you don't need to loosen up, maybe you can at least enjoy the drawings of genitals, and the funny faces you'll make when you consider how uncomfortable our society STILL is when it comes to discussing masturbation and basic human anatomy.
I read two chapters before bed every night and was rewarded with incredible dreams. Betty Dodson is the auntie who would let you get wasted at her house and totally not tell your parents. Inspiring woman who really does want the best for you.
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March 3, 2008My gay friend, Matthew gave this book to me. He was a book slut and only bought books on sex. I think I read three chapters of it. It is by far, very "open minded", and gives you things to ponder about your own sexuality and beliefs about "self love".
February 28, 2021
No sé ni qué decir, este libro es un aporte demasiado valioso. Quien sea que esté leyendo esto, hágase un favor y lea este libro.
June 18, 2022
Interesting hearing about Betty's life and the impact she has had on so many men and women. Not so much a guide more a life story but is still super interesting
July 1, 2022
Revelador. Leer sexo para uno es re-significar y darle otro sentido a la masturbación, es más, sustituyo está palabra por conceptos tan hermosos como: autoerotismo, sexo en solitario o sexo para uno. Cuando hice acercamiento a este texto, dije bueno vamos a leer algo porno, erótico... que la mente vuele. Pero, me encontré con algo que tiene un valor educativo inmensurable frente a lo importante que es la practica regular y consiente del amor en solitario; sobre todo para aquellas personas que estamos en el ejercicio de amarnos más, conocernos mejor, conectarnos con nuestro interior y saber disfrutar de la soledad. De la decisión de estar sola, mientras se sana y me aprendo amar. Es que en definitiva el sexo más duradero es la relación con uno mismo.
Betty con este libro, aportó conocimientos varios solo por mencionar:
1. El sexo solitario es el inicio de rendirme ante la energía sexual, sin ninguna inhibición.
2. Hacerse el amor, posibilita que te sientas más completa: no dependo de ninguna persona para sentir placer.
3. Todos seremos mejores amantes cuando nos queramos más a nosotros mismos.
4. Los orgasmos y los rituales de placer sirven para curar muchos males.
Esto por nombrar algunos, pero vale la pena apostar por uno, mirarse con ojos de amante. Bello libro y regalo que nos dejó Betty Dodson.
Betty con este libro, aportó conocimientos varios solo por mencionar:
1. El sexo solitario es el inicio de rendirme ante la energía sexual, sin ninguna inhibición.
2. Hacerse el amor, posibilita que te sientas más completa: no dependo de ninguna persona para sentir placer.
3. Todos seremos mejores amantes cuando nos queramos más a nosotros mismos.
4. Los orgasmos y los rituales de placer sirven para curar muchos males.
Esto por nombrar algunos, pero vale la pena apostar por uno, mirarse con ojos de amante. Bello libro y regalo que nos dejó Betty Dodson.
June 27, 2021
This was my 2nd read and I'm glad I read it again. Sometimes the topic is so new that you can barely understand it the first time, and thus you miss so much of the nuance that is more available on a reread. Last time I read this was... 4 hitachis ago.
I was struck this time by how bold and courageous Dodson was to write about this. She is frank about the emotional risks she took in writing this, in showing her art, in giving her classes, in making great efforts to educate the public about this and about making it easier and more comfortable for people to talk about it. Last time I was so shocked by the newness of what she was saying I didn't really appreciate her story of being a strikebreaker, in a sense, of being a person speaking up and continuing to do her work despite tremendous criticism, backlash, or plain old making fun. Her work is a vital contribution to sex education and it was really fun rereading and revisiting her persona now that I was less shocked by what she was saying.
I was struck this time by how bold and courageous Dodson was to write about this. She is frank about the emotional risks she took in writing this, in showing her art, in giving her classes, in making great efforts to educate the public about this and about making it easier and more comfortable for people to talk about it. Last time I was so shocked by the newness of what she was saying I didn't really appreciate her story of being a strikebreaker, in a sense, of being a person speaking up and continuing to do her work despite tremendous criticism, backlash, or plain old making fun. Her work is a vital contribution to sex education and it was really fun rereading and revisiting her persona now that I was less shocked by what she was saying.
December 20, 2013
This is an important book because not enough positive books are written about masturbation. It covers 101 type stuff. Self-love and getting over negative feelings about sexual pleasure, techniques, pictures of cunts (but for all the talk about the uniqueness where are the dick pics??).
But I'm really not for what she has to say about sexual fantasies -- that whatever one wants to imagine is okay. Incest, animals, rape. The first two are gross and wrong but fantasizing about rape (whether you're the rapist or the victim -- or both as Dodson claims) is just no. Rape is not sex and blurring that line is all-around harmful by building the idea of rape being okay and acting on it or by leading to confusion about consent (victim blaming or harm to oneself).
I'm also very not into porn. It's just so dehumanizing, how can anyone conscious of that get off to it? UHG. Even feminist porn outside the industry, featuring consenting adults rubs me the wrong way. (Hahahah...)
But I'm really not for what she has to say about sexual fantasies -- that whatever one wants to imagine is okay. Incest, animals, rape. The first two are gross and wrong but fantasizing about rape (whether you're the rapist or the victim -- or both as Dodson claims) is just no. Rape is not sex and blurring that line is all-around harmful by building the idea of rape being okay and acting on it or by leading to confusion about consent (victim blaming or harm to oneself).
I'm also very not into porn. It's just so dehumanizing, how can anyone conscious of that get off to it? UHG. Even feminist porn outside the industry, featuring consenting adults rubs me the wrong way. (Hahahah...)
May 9, 2020
In spite of the generational aging of some of the examples, the essence and intention of Dodson's mission to liberate masturbation (and by extension sexual pleasure as a whole) is clear and strong. Many of my beliefs and attitudes towards sex, masturbation, sexuality and my body as a woman were both reaffirmed and enlightened as I read through Dodson's experiences and journey. This book also showed me that despite the strides we may have made over the last five decades, as a society we are still a long way away from a completely liberated acceptance and perspective on everything to do with sex.
June 13, 2017
Not at all what I expected, and I actually felt pretty disappointed in Dodson's staunch refusal to see sex as a valuable source of romantic intimacy. I felt like she really idolized the goal of getting off any way that felt good, and i think that ignores a basic human need for connection and sex as a primary vehicle for potentially forging that connection.
But yeah, sure, we should all masturbate more. Maybe this speaks to this book being rather outdated, but I think in 2017 there are plenty of lonely single people masturbating to porn so that point felt more sad than empowering to me.
But yeah, sure, we should all masturbate more. Maybe this speaks to this book being rather outdated, but I think in 2017 there are plenty of lonely single people masturbating to porn so that point felt more sad than empowering to me.
December 7, 2012
Gave a copy to my ex-wife as a divorce gift because I was a horse's backside back then.
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