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Pretending You Care: The Retail Employee Handbook

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Ah, retail. It has lured in the best of us with promises of employee discounts (a sham), the "fun" of working with people (not so much), and flexible hours (dont make me laugh). What we got cranky customers, sadistic managers, idiotic coworkers, and, oh yeah, the hell that is doing inventory. But there are ways to lessen the pain, and this retail handbook will show you how. Inside youll learn how to handle the crazies (both customers and coworkers), feign product knowledge, and make the best of working the register, all the while, of course, pretending you care. This book takes years of retail experience and condenses it into a guide that is as funny as it is useful. If you work in retail now, have done so in the past, or plan to do so in the this is the book for you.

298 pages, Paperback

First published January 1, 2007

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261 people want to read

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Norm Feuti

25 books27 followers

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5 stars
147 (46%)
4 stars
118 (37%)
3 stars
34 (10%)
2 stars
12 (3%)
1 star
6 (1%)
Displaying 1 - 30 of 58 reviews
Profile Image for Melki.
7,415 reviews2,639 followers
August 15, 2016
Finally - a book about working retail by someone who GETS IT!

Feuti is the creator of Retail, one of my favorite comic strips. Plenty of the comics are sprinkled throughout this useful, and, oh, so truthful, guide to the horrors of working retail. I spent ten years in the retail trenches, and believe me, Feuti, who has sold everything from shoes to arts & crafts supplies, knows his stuff.

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The author skewers EVERYTHING to do with the world of retail, from the annoying employee training videos, scripted by people who have obviously never worked in any kind of store, to getting along with coworkers. There is a lengthy chapter on customers. They are categorized for easy reference - bullies, nitpickers, serial returners, coupon abusers, and church recruiters, who start out asking legitimate questions, but end every conversation with "Do you know Jesus?" And then there are the just plain crazies . . .
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There is even a chapter on the stockroom, that magical place that some customers believe contains ALL the really good products that lazy employees have simply neglected to bring onto the sales floor:
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Feuti discusses the problem of shoplifting, mentioning that stores are so understaffed, even if you catch someone in the act, there's very little you can do about it. It's interesting to note that while most theft is perpetrated by customers, employees get the blame for the majority of the shrinkage:
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The author saves most of his venom for the corporate office, those faceless entities who have never stood in front of a register yet make all the rules that you MUST follow. Take a look at some of his remarks and tell me they don't deserve it.

Whenever your store doesn't make its sales figures, it's because you didn't work hard enough. Don't even think of blaming the shoddy new merchandise, or the ridiculously high prices, or the sloppy new packaging, or the poorly conceived sale, or the horrible merchandising strategy, or the phenomenally unrealistic goals -- those are decisions that corporate made, and they don't make mistakes. They know what they are doing. They have nice suits and good attitudes, so if sales aren't happening it has to be because you dropped the ball -- plain and simple.

What they really want is for you to implement their rules without question, and then take the blame when they don't work.

Ultimately, it's the corporation's attitude that the customer is always right that fosters the insane feeling of superiority and entitlement in the masses who abuse you routinely. It's the corporation's greedy desire to crush the small businesses in every community with their rock bottom prices that's to blame for your tiny paycheck. It's the corporation's manufactured need to be a ubiquitous retail giant that creates the micromanagement hell you burn in daily.


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If you've ever done time in any type of retail establishment, this book is for you.

And if you're considering taking that job down at the mall . . . remember - Retail workers are underpaid, underappreciated, routinely abused, and have zero job security.

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Maybe you'd be better off in telephone sales.
Profile Image for Echo.
909 reviews47 followers
May 20, 2011
The first time I read this book, I had one summer in retail under my belt at a job I still think of fondly. At the time, I thought this book was pretty hilarious.
Rereading it after working a couple of years in retail at some places that were real doozies, it's not quite so funny anymore. This time I spent the whole time nodding and thinking, "Yep. And to think I once thought he was exaggerating..." The book left me sort of depressed over how pathetic it is that it's all true, but also sort of proud in a weird way. Each chapter made me want to sit down with Norm and compare war stories. You know, "Speaking of jerk managers, did you ever have a manager make you do jumping jacks at the front of the store for missing a step in helping a customer? How do you handle a manager that uses humiliation as a 'fun new game' to motivate employees?" Stuff like that.
For anyone working in retail, reading this could be somewhat comforting, because at least you know someone out there has gone through what you're going through and is giving a voice to all of the poor retail employees out there.
For anyone who is about to work in retail, it would be good to keep in mind that he absolutely is not kidding or exaggerating. Take what you consider to be his most bizarre story, and that's really just a typical day in retail.
Really, though, I think everyone can relate to this book on some level. I've been working a desk job for the past couple of years, but things in this book still rang true to my current non-retail job. Especially the stuff about corporate. For example, "For all the emphasis that is placed on your responsibility to make sales and follow rules, it is always the people in the home office who ultimately cause their own downfall through lack of common sense and true business acumen. In a corporate culture that routinely squanders billions of dollars, it's a wonder that any retailers manage to survive." Yeah... I think that applies to ANY corporate-owned business.
Profile Image for E.J. Weaver.
Author 1 book7 followers
September 20, 2012
If you work in retail, get this book: you'll need it. If you've ever worked in retail, it may cause flashbacks.
Profile Image for Miriam Dyck.
83 reviews22 followers
May 2, 2017
I don't often read non-fiction books and even less do I read something like a handbook from cover to cover. So when I picked it up I thought I would just skim a bit of it but I found it to be really funny and helpful for my new job in the retail world.

Norman Feuti I think express how most retail employees feel from looking for a retail job to using breaks efficiently (I read most this chapter on my break) to the store going out of business. He talks about all the ins and outs of the job in a realistic (although sometimes depressing way). The handbook is full of comic strips through out to keep it funny. Theses comics are online and now I'm enjoying reading them as they come but the comics in the book reflected a lot of how I feel (and I think many other retail employees feel) in a nut shell when dealing the many negatives of the job.

There is one chapter where he talks about how the back room is a place to vent about customers and I feel like this book is an extension of that. So in that way people who are not working in retail, or have no intention to, will likely not enjoy this book that much. This book is geared for a very specific audience and will most likely won't go beyond that. But even if you have experience in retail and for some reason like your job or if you are above manager position, then this book may not be for you. A lot of the book is acknowledging the many faults in the retail business and how to deal with the reality of it all. This is handbook is good for all the things your manager will never really tell you about.

Overall Pretending You Care: The Retail Employee Handbook is a good handbook that is funny and informative about a lot of the unsaid things when working retail. I give it 4 Stars. On that note I recommend it for people who work retail currently, especially the ones who work in the big box stores.
Profile Image for Simon Yoong.
388 reviews8 followers
March 29, 2019
The comics are funny. The text is basically nothing special about what you already know about working in retail anywhere in the world.
Profile Image for Zach Koenig.
795 reviews11 followers
February 28, 2017
After a year away from the retail world (where I worked for close to five years), I wanted to find a book that confirmed my own strange experiences in that profession. "Pretending You Care" covers all the craziness in the retail sphere...but in a much more comic format than I had expected.

Basically, this is a light-hearted book that utilizes many comics to make fun of (and commiserate with) retail employees of all kinds. I don't know anything about the author, but I guess he has his own comic strip where he routinely lampoons the retail world. It gave me a few laughs.

My "problem" with this book, though, is strictly my own (hence the three-star rating). I was hoping for a more serious look at the world of retail. I had no idea that this one is all about humor and comics. Don't get me wrong...Feuti knows what he is talking about and some sections of the book really struck a chord with me. However, at no point in the book does anything get "deep" whatsoever (which was kind of what I was looking for).

So, if you are looking for a retail-centric book that will strictly make you laugh, this one will do the job in spades! If you are looking for some deeper thoughts about retail, however, you might be a bit disappointed as I was.
281 reviews5 followers
July 11, 2010
With over 15 years of retail management under his belt, Feuti knows the world of retail. And trust me, he doesn't exaggerate one bit in this funny, cynical and real look at the world of retail.

This book is based on his syndicated comic strip "Retail," which follows the work lives of people at Grumbels department store.

He knows what he's talking about when he talks about most employee discounts not really being as good as they seem, or the different types of co-workers, and the variety of infinitely maddening customers.

Some people may find too many inside jokes (that was the case with me and the book Waiter Rant, which I read right after this one), but the situations he describes are real and not to be taken lightly.

But if you are interested in actually working in retail, this is actually a very good introduction to that world.

Profile Image for Karen.
1 review1 follower
August 12, 2015
I read this for the first time probably like 6 or 7 years ago now while working in retail, it's hilarious and so true! I still have this book on my shelf. If you have ever worked in a retail environment you will love this book. A lot of it you will either be able to relate to it personally or at least totally understand and sympathize with the situation. Talks about the many situations and types of customers you will or can encounter. Gives a hilarious and very informative take on how to deal with those situations/customers. I'd definitely recommend this
Profile Image for Gareth Bogdanoff.
24 reviews5 followers
December 13, 2007
Everyone who has ever worked in retail has some great stories about it. This book has plenty of great stories, some of which will make you laugh, while others will make you cringe. It also helps that this book contains comic strips. The most entertaining parts of this book are the profiles of different types of coworkers and customers. Generally, this was good light reading.
Profile Image for Michelle.
12 reviews1 follower
January 18, 2008
I've always threatened to write a book about my retail experience. Guess I won't need to now since it has been written. I recommend it to anyone who has felt the pain of retail service. You will laugh and recognize the situations and the people all to well.
Profile Image for Ruby.
291 reviews9 followers
December 16, 2011
creator of the awesome comic strip Retail, Norm Feuti lays it all out there in plain language--the REALITY of working one of the most thankless jobs in the world.

anyone who currently works or has worked in such a position will get every bit of this book....and laugh or roll their eyes.
Profile Image for AC.
30 reviews46 followers
September 28, 2021
I love love loved this book and love Mr. Feuti for writing it all down. I laughed my *** off at just about every sentence!!! Let me tell you this guy knows what he's talking about and apparently these comical yet boggling problems and feelings of disdain are universal among anyone with a retail lot in life. I've worked in retail for the same company for a whopping 8 years (after 2 months you feel like you're stuck in forever) which is nothing compared to this lifer. And the mere fact that he's encountered everything in this book, most likely at every store, proves that no matter how hard a company might try to be different or better, it will always be the same everywhere you go. Most problems all come down to corporate and customers.

For anyone who thinks about going into retail and has great expectations, the wisdom and experience in this book will surely crush them and change your mind. Unless you are a masochist. No matter how absurd, unbelievable, insane, rude or exagerated you might think these scenarios are, they're not. Every piece of detail and minutiae is absolutely perfect down to the commas and periods. Every word in this book is so on point that it's like Norm invented retail. He managed to cover every possible problem or feeling ever encountered while wearing a name tag. The comics add to the visuals and made me feel like I was back at work. (Though about 40% were redundant to the accompanying text)

This was a huge highlight in all the books I've ever read. I couldn't wait to get to the end, to have read and laughed at it all, nodding my head at how true every tidbit was, and then was so sad when I finally had no more pages to turn. Although retailers would love to forget everything about the job they've had to endure, I can't wait to relive it all again while reading this book a second time- maybe more.
16 reviews1 follower
January 17, 2014
I love love loved this book and love Mr. Feuti for writing it all down. I laughed my *** off at just about every sentence!!! Let me tell you this guy knows what he's talking about and apparently these comical yet boggling problems and feelings of disdain are universal among anyone with a retail lot in life. I've worked in retail for the same company for a whopping 8 years (after 2 months you feel like you're stuck in forever) which is nothing compared to this lifer. And the mere fact that he's encountered everything in this book, most likely at every store, proves that no matter how hard a company might try to be different or better, it will always be the same everywhere you go. Most problems all come down to corporate and customers. For anyone who thinks about going into retail and has great expectations, the wisdom and experience in this book will surely crush them and change your mind. Unless you are a masochist. Now matter how absurd, unbelievable, insane, rude or exagerated you might think these scenarios are, they're not. Every piece of detail and minutiae is absolutely perfect down to the commas and periods. Every word in this book is so on point that it's like Norm invented retail. He managed to cover every possible problem or feeling ever encountered while wearing a name tag.

This was a highlight in all the books I've read. I couldn't wait to get to the end, to have read and laughed at it all, nodding my head at how true every tidbit was, and then was so sad when I finally had no more to read. Although retailers would love to forget everything about the job they've had to endure, I can't wait to relive it all again while reading this book a second time- maybe more.
Profile Image for carissa.
991 reviews8 followers
February 27, 2010
Ah, retail. It has lured in the best of us with promises of employee discounts (a sham), the "fun" of working with people (not so much), and flexible hours (don’t make me laugh).
What we got instead: cranky customers, sadistic managers, idiotic coworkers, and, oh yeah, the hell that is doing inventory.

But there are ways to lessen the pain, and this retail handbook will show you how. Inside you’ll learn how to handle the crazies (both customers and coworkers), feign product knowledge, and make the best of working the register, all the while, of course, pretending you care. This book takes years of retail experience and condenses it into a guide that is as funny as it is useful.

If you work in retail now, have done so in the past, or plan to do so in the future: this is the book for you.
Profile Image for Coral Rose.
380 reviews19 followers
January 11, 2010
This was the FUNNIEST book I have ever read about working retail. While you are laughing until you cry, you are remembering how the exact situation happened to you just weeks ago.
The only book that made me laugh during the Christmas rush. Really. I'm serious. If you work in customer service at all, you have at least one of these stories of your own.

One of my favorites was when we were sold out of Al Gore's book about global warming and when I informed a customer that I didn't have any copies but I could put her on the list to get a call when they were in was told "But how could you be sold out?! Al Gore is still alive!"
Yes. That's true. But it's funny, that's not really the only thing that affects supply and demand.
Profile Image for Sabrina.
23 reviews13 followers
January 3, 2008
This book is a good read for anyone who has worked retail (or thinks they want to). The author gives an up-front and detailed description of the worst kinds of customers, giving the archtypes nicknames like the "kook" customer, or the "chatterbox". The book also contains a comic strip every few pages or so to illustrate the situation being described. This is a hiliarious look at something most people would never think to take a closer look at, and something that retail workers will relate to.
Profile Image for Crystal.
139 reviews6 followers
August 25, 2018
It's been a while since I read this book, but I swear that anyone working in retail (particularly corporate retail) should have it as mandatory reading. I actually knew exactly what the author was talking about with his descriptions of employees and workers and I could relate almost EVERY page. It added humor to my days in retail (thank god they are over). Honestly, it was a great book and I still recommend it to people.

It's been a long time and I still remember some of the comics, jokes, and advice. That's how awesome this book was.
Profile Image for Stacia.
81 reviews
March 10, 2017
This book is glorious!

It very clearly outlines the reality of retail work, and gives survival tips with humor and comic strips!

I worked retail during school and right college before I moved to a call center (similiar to retail, but it's own special hell). Twenty(ish) years later and I still don't decorate for the holidays, listen to Christmas music, or go to a mall during the holidays. Those scars don't fade.

The book itself could use an update - this was published in 2007 before retailers began staying open on Thanksgiving. I can only imagine what the author would say about that!
Profile Image for Nathan.
399 reviews144 followers
December 17, 2011
Let us make one thing clear, I love this book. I only give it 3 stars however, because it is truly pandering to those of us who are or have been stuck on the retail train. I can't imagine it appealing outside of that group(and the comic it is based around being canceled in our local paper supports this).

But if you are or have ever worked retail, and know the horrors involved, give it look. It will make you laugh all the way through.
Profile Image for Kimberly.
62 reviews4 followers
May 28, 2008
This was an hilarious look at the retail life. The situations described are both funny and depressing by the fact that they are true to life. As someone who works in retail, I found this book gave me an inspiring pick-me-up with its humor, because you really do need a sense of humor to work in retail.
Profile Image for CJ.
175 reviews10 followers
July 25, 2013
Fun and sadly accurate, but he makes all customers sound terrible. I've had great customers and terrible ones. They run the gamut just like everyone erlse. Loved the cartoons. Edit: I realize the book's a parody but the whole retail/service industry is so riduculous at times that it's still mostly accurate :P
Profile Image for Two Readers in Love.
592 reviews20 followers
June 22, 2022
Apparently, some folks actually like to shop. They call it ‘retail therapy.’ This book is the well-deserved therapy for the retailers who serve those other crazy folks.

Even if you have left the retail world and think you have suppressed all your worst memories, this should make you smile.
Profile Image for Janet Nuss.
167 reviews
October 16, 2007
If you have ever worked in retail you need to read this book! It will keep you sane, especially heading into Christmas! If you are a customer you also need to read this book! It might make you more aware of your own behavior:)
Profile Image for Abigail Singer.
164 reviews43 followers
March 8, 2008
This has got to me one of my favourite books and I recomend it to anyone who has ever or will ever work retail. It covers everything from how to chose a store in a mall in relation to the food court, the VIP visit, and there's an entire chapter on Christmas.
10 reviews1 follower
March 11, 2010
If you have ever worked in any sort of retail enviornment then you must read this book! It's absolutely hilariously on the mark. If you haven't worked in retail then read it so you're a better customer, not one of the types listed in this book. Can't recommend it enough.
Profile Image for Ladyacct.
863 reviews
April 12, 2010
What more could you ask for....funny and factual. I've worked many years in retail and I gotta tell you this book is a great read for a change of pace. Or even if you want to read a realistic book and steep away from fiction for a minute.
Profile Image for Alex.
9 reviews2 followers
June 22, 2012
A must for anyone who is, has been, or will ever be a cog in the retail machine. Also fun if you just want to see what the person you bought this from does, and has to go through, on a day to day basis.
Profile Image for Mike Matson.
8 reviews1 follower
March 16, 2013
I'm currently reading the book for the third time.. I've worked in retail for over nine years so I have to laugh about some of the things mentioned.

It also reminds me of some of the characters and different things that I've come across over the years..
Profile Image for Lynnett.
823 reviews14 followers
August 20, 2014
I worked in retail for Sixteen years and 5+ in Management. This book was one that I shared many experiences with and could have added to it. Retail ruined Christmas for me for many years. This book was a way to relieve those lost moments in a positive light. Very Funny!
Profile Image for Jenna.
579 reviews34 followers
July 30, 2015
This book is humous -- in the sense of having worked for years in retail jobs described, I can relate. On the other hand, it is also insightful, and a good read for someone new to retail or not sure they want to try that minimum-wage type job out!
Displaying 1 - 30 of 58 reviews