Notes from Nethers: Growing Up in a Sixties Commune

by Sandra Lee Eugster

A unique and honest account of the author's childhood spent on a commune in rural Virginia. Nethers, as the commune came to be called, was the creation of Eugster's idealistic and headstrong mother, Carla. The narrative accurately depicts communal living in all its complexities. An array of colorful characters drifted into the commune, and Eugster writes sensitively about being a child in the midst of all of this. A fascinating memoir with many moments of warmth and humor. Eugster's narrative is also an important piece of American cultural history, and the history of efforts to create a utopian society, which never seem to turn out exactly as planned.

Genres: Biography Memoir, Nonfiction, Memoir, Biography

320 pages, Paperback

First published January 1, 2007

Reviews

[Trina Burton · Rating 3 out of 5]

I want you to think of the first words and impressions that pop into your mind when you pick up a book based on the experiences of a young girl growing up on a commune. If you are anything like me you probably have visions of long haired hippies having lots of sex, doing lots of drugs and saying things like "that's heavy" and "free your mind." Although there are long haired hippies aplenty in "Notes from Nethers" there is a also a remarkable lack of sex, drugs and rock n' roll. Not quite what you would expect. Instead this nonfiction memoir, takes you through the impressions and stories that stuck in the mind of a young girl who has been supplanted from her more traditional Baltimore home to rural Virginia, where her mother starts a commune.

Eugster begins the books with a description of her life in the home of her parents (briefly together but mostly apart) which though more traditional, had definite liberal and open aspects to it. Along with her two older sisters, they are transplanted to a extrememely rural location to start her mother's dream of a community with no money, where everyone contributed some work and was appreciated for their own contributions.

Eugster details the sometimes excruciatingly, sometimes heartwarming stories of a completely different life. This isn't an idealized memorial of a time gone past: she is constantly dirty and unkempt, sadly lacking in certain areas of her education. It is a glimpse into a society that many of us don't have experience with.

I enjoyed this book although I can't say it was especially riveting. There is no timeline but rather a series of short stories of whatever occurs to the author. It is truly written from the heart and involves deep introspection of the nature of her relationships with not only her parents but also all those around her involved with the commune. It is not always completely flattering. For me it was especially interesting because she really addresses the ways in which this affected her. As a parent, you can only hope that not every one of your decisions will negatively affect your children. In this book, she really centers on the decisions that parents make that are right for them but may not be right for their children. An interesting read that takes you back (or takes you to a time you may never have been in).

[Jennifer · Rating 3 out of 5]

An interesting read about living in a commune, from the perspective of one of the children. Her experience certainly did not mirror her mother or sisters (nor did her mother realize her daughter's actual experience until they talked years later, as adults, but really, this is probably true of many parents and their children, whatever the culture in which they live). It was interesting to read about the culture shock she experienced moving between her mother's communal life and her father's more traditional life with his second wife. Rather surprising was the negative effect communal life had on her self-esteem and outlook on life, how the premise of freedom and consensus could lead to feelings of abandonment in a child.

As a child of the 60's it was an interesting read for me on a more personal level, being close in age to the author. An affirmation that, whatever the circumstances, all children are deeply affected by the influences and decisions of their parents, and many rebel against this influence, finding their own way in life regardless of whether their upbringing was alternative, permissive and liberal; conventional, structured and conservative; or somewhere in between.

I also enjoyed this book because I now live right around the corner from where the commune was located in Rappahannock County, Virginia (and there were a number of other communes out here at the time as well, being relatively close to Washington, DC it was an easy move for many to make). It was interesting to read about this little corner of the world during such a dynamic time in America's counter-cultural revolution.

Not a riveting read, but certainily an interesting one.

[Lauren Bradshaw · Rating 5 out of 5]

As someone who does not generally gravitate toward non-fiction, I felt this was a great choice for our non-fiction choice read project we had to do for school because it didn't feel like I was reading non-fiction at all! Each chapter felt like I was following a humorous child in a fiction novel, but it really happened. All in all the author portrayed her childhood (the good and bad) magnificently and it was very easy to relate to her struggles even though I didn't grow up on a 1960's commune.

[Suzanne · Rating 5 out of 5]

I really loved this book, much more than I thought I would. I read it because I live in the Nethers area and someone who knows the author recommended it to me. I was skeptical, but I really did enjoy her writing and loved her self-reflection. It was an insight to the culture of the late sixties and early 1970's. Overall a very worthwhile, enjoyable read.

[dcgreeneboy · Rating 4 out of 5]

my aunt wrote this. its a great look at the real life of a child in a commune. not all happy.

[Lori · Rating 3 out of 5]

An Unconventional Childhood

This book introduces the reader to what initially appears to be a fairly normal family in that there are two parents, 3 children, a home, pets etc. But looks can indeed be deceiving. There is dysfunction here even in the beginning and although that too could be considered normal, an observant reader will see "the writing on the wall."
The girls' father and mother divorce when they are rather young. Carla, the mother seems to love them but is also quite self involved and so even when she is home, I didn't see any great efforts to engage with Rachel, Erica and Sandra. Nor did I hear expressions of love, support or reassurance from parents to children. It was more a sense of several planets orbiting within sight and sound of each other yet the knowledge of the larger planet's presence brought no real sense of security or leadership to the younger planets. In this family, the father visited fairly regularly initially, but that was soon to change. Carla, the mother, is idealistic, which wasn't uncommon in the 60's and 70's. It was a time when the country was experiencing war, the draft, hippie culture, Woodstock, love, peace, pot, and the pursuit of great music, finding oneself and freedom. Carla decided it would be a wonderful thing to try to build a peace-loving, self sustaining community out in the middle of nowhere! Before the girls knew it, their mom discovered and bought some property, began advertising and spreading the word and ultimately she and the children were living in a commune with strangers and an assortment of pets. A parent has the power to make choices. The kids were, for better or worse, just "along for the ride" -- and it was indeed a bumpy one!
I enjoyed reading about the assortment of people. And I was relieved to see this was not one of those cults (in the typical sense of the word) where adults preyed on kids perversely and criminally. Nor were the children of the community beaten. I liked that despite all the people within the story, it wasn't hard to follow and it flowed quite well. The writing was decent and had good editing.
But despite all that, it seemed to be dragging and repetitive at times. We heard about sugarless, healthy meals, Sandra's understandably mixed feelings re: her parents as she simultaneously longed for their love and attention yet pushed it away, the lack of structured education, and the day to day life of adults building, planting, and having community meetings. I felt it lacked something, there was no build up to either a major crisis (which, for their sake I am very thankful!) or clarity on Carla's part that the kids deserved to live a more normal life.
Average rating for me.

[Laura · Rating 4 out of 5]

In my continuing interest since I was a young girl reading about the communes back in the day, this was a fascinating account of a young girl and her two sisters brought up in a commune started by their mother. I always had a keen interest in the “back to the land” movement which bred so many communes of their time.

There are a whole list of people that came and went through the years of Sandra’s time there. And inevitably Sandra became very close to several residents. As a young girl with a mother who was there but distracted she longed for close friendships. All the residents would move on eventually, as well as her sisters, and Sandra was left behind with her mother and yet more loss.

As a child I moved all my childhood and as a teenager lived on a boat sailing down the east coast so I too missed the attachment of never having old friends or extended family and this resonated deeply within me. It was a reason I later had pen pals for a long time when I was an adult.

One thing I’ve learned as a parent is that we try to give our kids what we didn’t have and what we would have loved, but often times the child needs something very different entirely. And then some women are lost in motherhood and forget themselves completely whereas other parents (such as Sandra’s mother and my father) are so caught up in their own big lives that they don’t even notice kids are lacking in basic things and nurturing that they need, nor do they see the repercussions of their decisions. And yet even with a parent like that there are so many good things as well we experience in living non-traditional lives. Sandra does a great job of showing both things.

The last chapter sums everything up to present day too quickly. I would have loved to hear more of her thoughts in retrospect. In the end Sandra is not terribly close to her mother. She notes she feels like she’d just seen her mother, even though it had been two years since she had last seen her. The last few pages are nice as the girls and their mother go back and have a moment on that land where the commune once was. It was a good ending to an interesting book.

[Kim · Rating 5 out of 5]

I thoroughly enjoyed this book, much more than I expected to! An honest account of what living on a commune in the 60's/70's as a child was like, I felt the author did a good job at neither making it seem glamorous or horrible. As someone born in New England in the 70's and growing up mostly in a rural environment, I can appreciate the back to the land type of movement that was reminiscent in this story. However, as a flower child who often feels as if I was born about a decade too late, I have a tendency to idealize and romanticize the hippie lifestyle, communes, and all it entails. This book is a good reminder that it's not always sunshine and flowers though. And now being a Mom myself, I can understand and appreciate how growing up in that environment must have been hard and confusing for a child and I'm not so sure I could ever put my own children in that type of situation. However, I do like how the author did a fair job in also stating the positive things that living on a commune taught her in life (love of nature, self-sufficiency, having an extended family outside of the nuclear family unit, etc) and I feel that as with most childhoods, there is always that blend of positive experiences and dysfunction no matter which environment you grow up in.

[Tanya · Rating 2 out of 5]

I feel badly about the two stars. It might deserve three. It’s just not very engaging. I read this for research into commune life for a book I’m writing and I found myself skipping parts because it was boring. I can’t think of anything the author should have done differently though. The writing is fine. It’s just that not all lives are memoir worthy. There are a few eventful moments in the book but overall, there wasn’t that much excitement at this commune so therefore, the book is light on excitement. The author was clearly dissatisfied with her childhood and for good reason but that doesn’t mean the story is compelling for others. If you like quiet, slow paced memoirs that are more analytical than exciting, this might be for you.

[Laura]

It's the middle of the 3rd chapter and so far the book consists almost entirely of complaints and anxieties. If these were conveyed in a compelling manner, maybe with a touch of humor, then it would be worth continuing. As it stand it is simply a petulant voice in my ear, and that I don't need. Soft pass: seems like it works for others, perhaps those who are less susceptible to becoming bored.

[BL]

In some ways it is exactly what I expected. I liked her honesty both positives and negatives about commune life.

[Catherine Taylor · Rating 5 out of 5]

Amazing

Beautifully written account of a sensitive girl growing up in a commune environment. I absolutely loved this. The insights are incredible

[Avis Black · Rating 3 out of 5]

Author's mother is dumped by author's father because she wants him to revolve around her and pay attention to her all the time. Mother then gets mad and forms a commune so she has a whole bunch of people revolving around her. When the commune breaks up, mother becomes a rabbi so she has another community revolving around her. Even in her old age, mother goes around with her shoes untied all the time as a ploy to make people come over and to talk to her. The worst fights the author has with her mother occur when the author doesn't want to hang out with Mommy when Mommy wants attention.

Boy, this book makes me glad my mother was normal.

The author also eats a human placenta. Bon Appetite, reader!

As one reviewer complains, nothing dramatic happens here, but it is a good look-and-gawk-at-the-freaky-people book.

[Rachel · Rating 4 out of 5]

Reading this book was enjoyable and painful. Eugster's experience of growing up on the commune was very different from that of kids in middle America, in both good and bad ways, and it left her feeling like an outsider and struggling to even minimally fit in to the mainstream culture. Except, as she noted at the end, she would have been different anyway; she was an exceptionally bright and creative child, which almost guarantees outsider status. Those qualities, which she never acknowledges, make the book colorful and easy to read. She paints an obviously accurate and very insightful (into herself and others) picture of daily life at the commune and of the quirky individuals who lived there. The occasional passages about her adult life, mostly present-day interactions with her mother, give the book greater depth.

My own kids lived the first six years of their lives on a commune (though we didn't call it that), very different from Nethers but with many similarities. We who were "adults" there have heard a lot from our kids on what they think of our beliefs and practices of the time and about their struggles to rejoin the outside culture. I found Eugster's take on all that enriching, and will recommend this book to my kids.

[Beverly · Rating 3 out of 5]

This book was a little boring, but, like the novel Arcadia, it revisits the 1960s/70s hippie commune from a child's perspective.Sandra Eugster is around eight when her divorced mother Carla establishes a commune inspired by Marxist principles. Her children have no choice but to become part of an alternative lifestyle. Sensitive Sandra is Carla's youngest daughter and has a hard time finding herself in the family's crowded living arrangements. Although Sandra does not exactly blame her mother for the difficulties of her childhood, I did on Sandra's behalf. This book also reminded me of what social misfits the 1960s commune dwellers were. To me, hip meant rock and roll, not organic groats.

[Angie · Rating 4 out of 5]

What I particularly enjoyed about this work is that it wasn't a predictable glowing sentimental look back at life as a flower child. The author led a fairly normal existence in suburban Baltimore for the first eight years of her life. After a divorcing her father, her mother moved her and her sisters to Virginia and gradually began a commune. At first, it was easy, but as the commune grew, life became more and more uncomfortable for the author. The work explores how the communal life affected her relationships with her sisters, her mother, and her distant father.

[Sian Lile-Pastore · Rating 3 out of 5]

i was partly fascinated by this book and partly bored.... while i love reading ANYTHING about communes, and i was happy with the style of writing, the book just ended up being anecdote after anecdote with no real structure. it was all linear - so we followed her life from age about 8 until 17 when she leaves for college, but i found it hard to follow all the different people who turned up and whose stories she told, and although she wrote a lot about not fitting in and beeing unhappy, I never really sensed that in the story.

[Courtney · Rating 4 out of 5]

I loved this book. It wasn't exceptionally written. It wasn't entirely exciting. It wasn't a page turner in the natural sense. But what it was, was incredibly interesting.
I expected this book to have been written by a hippie who thought the commune was awesome. Instead it is written by a woman who gave the reader a realistic vision of what the commune was. It wasn't all good, it wasn't all bad, and it certainly wasn't "her dream".
The book is real. I recommend it.

[Chi Dubinski · Rating 3 out of 5]

The author’s mother Carla, took her three daughters and left her husband. She bought an old farm house, acres of land, and started a counter-culture “school.” This is the story of Eugster’s childhood in the Virginia commune in the late 1960s and early 1970s. From age 9 to 18, Sandra did not attend classes, and lived without plumbing, electricity, and was treated as an equal by the variety of strangers who came to live with the family. She is now a PhD in counseling psychology.

[Sheela Word · Rating 4 out of 5]

Well-written book about the author's early life in a commune. Eugster, with her two older sisters, was dragged into this alternative life style when she was 8, and didn't manage to detach herself from it until she was 17. Nethers was started and run by her mother, and Eugster was there from its inception to its demise. Her descriptions of communal life ring true, and they are fascinating.

[Kim · Rating 3 out of 5]

This is a really interesting book. I was expecting a memoir of an idyllic childhood and adolescence spent in a commune. Instead, the author describes her--not unhappiness exactly, but discomfort in that situation. As she told her mother years later, "It wasn't my dream."

[Gretchen · Rating 3 out of 5]

An interesting book. It got a little tedious for me but I found it interesting. Shows a very different perspective of life in a sixties commune.

[Kara · Rating 4 out of 5]

Nothing exceptional, but I found it an interesting glimpse into commune life, as seen from a pre-teen and teen.

[Peacegal · Rating 2 out of 5]

A not terribly exciting, but fairly interesting, look at a very particular time and the author's experience growing up in a hippie commune.

[Laura · Rating 3 out of 5]

Great insight into what it was like on a 1960s commune.

[Beth · Rating 4 out of 5]

The chapter about the commune's pigs was the nail in the "never eating pork again" coffin.

[Academy Chicago · Rating 5 out of 5]

There isn't any drugs, but there sure is nudity and placenta consumption.