What do you think?
Rate this book
Aliens Ate My Pickup
A humorous story written for the collection Fiddler Fair, this story has also been reprinted in This Is My Funniest 2: Leading Science Fiction Writers Present Their Funniest Stories Ever (Oct 2007), Galaxy's Edge, Issue 2: May 2013, and Dragon's Teeth (Dec 2013--omnibus of Fiddler Fair and Werehunter).
7 pages, Kindle Edition
First published July 23, 2012
5 people are currently reading
142 people want to read
About the author
Mercedes Lackey
440 books9,597 followersMercedes entered this world on June 24, 1950, in Chicago, had a normal childhood and graduated from Purdue University in 1972. During the late 70's she worked as an artist's model and then went into the computer programming field, ending up with American Airlines in Tulsa, Oklahoma. In addition to her fantasy writing, she has written lyrics for and recorded nearly fifty songs for Firebird Arts & Music, a small recording company specializing in science fiction folk music.
"I'm a storyteller; that's what I see as 'my job'. My stories come out of my characters; how those characters would react to the given situation. Maybe that's why I get letters from readers as young as thirteen and as old as sixty-odd. One of the reasons I write song lyrics is because I see songs as a kind of 'story pill' -- they reduce a story to the barest essentials or encapsulate a particular crucial moment in time. I frequently will write a lyric when I am attempting to get to the heart of a crucial scene; I find that when I have done so, the scene has become absolutely clear in my mind, and I can write exactly what I wanted to say. Another reason is because of the kind of novels I am writing: that is, fantasy, set in an other-world semi-medieval atmosphere. Music is very important to medieval peoples; bards are the chief newsbringers. When I write the 'folk music' of these peoples, I am enriching my whole world, whether I actually use the song in the text or not.
"I began writing out of boredom; I continue out of addiction. I can't 'not' write, and as a result I have no social life! I began writing fantasy because I love it, but I try to construct my fantasy worlds with all the care of a 'high-tech' science fiction writer. I apply the principle of TANSTAAFL ['There ain't no such thing as free lunch', credited to Robert Heinlein) to magic, for instance; in my worlds, magic is paid for, and the cost to the magician is frequently a high one. I try to keep my world as solid and real as possible; people deal with stubborn pumps, bugs in the porridge, and love-lives that refuse to become untangled, right along with invading armies and evil magicians. And I try to make all of my characters, even the 'evil magicians,' something more than flat stereotypes. Even evil magicians get up in the night and look for cookies, sometimes.
"I suppose that in everything I write I try to expound the creed I gave my character Diana Tregarde in Burning Water:
"There's no such thing as 'one, true way'; the only answers worth having are the ones you find for yourself; leave the world better than you found it. Love, freedom, and the chance to do some good -- they're the things worth living and dying for, and if you aren't willing to die for the things worth living for, you might as well turn in your membership in the human race."
Also writes as Misty Lackey
Author's website
"I'm a storyteller; that's what I see as 'my job'. My stories come out of my characters; how those characters would react to the given situation. Maybe that's why I get letters from readers as young as thirteen and as old as sixty-odd. One of the reasons I write song lyrics is because I see songs as a kind of 'story pill' -- they reduce a story to the barest essentials or encapsulate a particular crucial moment in time. I frequently will write a lyric when I am attempting to get to the heart of a crucial scene; I find that when I have done so, the scene has become absolutely clear in my mind, and I can write exactly what I wanted to say. Another reason is because of the kind of novels I am writing: that is, fantasy, set in an other-world semi-medieval atmosphere. Music is very important to medieval peoples; bards are the chief newsbringers. When I write the 'folk music' of these peoples, I am enriching my whole world, whether I actually use the song in the text or not.
"I began writing out of boredom; I continue out of addiction. I can't 'not' write, and as a result I have no social life! I began writing fantasy because I love it, but I try to construct my fantasy worlds with all the care of a 'high-tech' science fiction writer. I apply the principle of TANSTAAFL ['There ain't no such thing as free lunch', credited to Robert Heinlein) to magic, for instance; in my worlds, magic is paid for, and the cost to the magician is frequently a high one. I try to keep my world as solid and real as possible; people deal with stubborn pumps, bugs in the porridge, and love-lives that refuse to become untangled, right along with invading armies and evil magicians. And I try to make all of my characters, even the 'evil magicians,' something more than flat stereotypes. Even evil magicians get up in the night and look for cookies, sometimes.
"I suppose that in everything I write I try to expound the creed I gave my character Diana Tregarde in Burning Water:
"There's no such thing as 'one, true way'; the only answers worth having are the ones you find for yourself; leave the world better than you found it. Love, freedom, and the chance to do some good -- they're the things worth living and dying for, and if you aren't willing to die for the things worth living for, you might as well turn in your membership in the human race."
Also writes as Misty Lackey
Author's website
Ratings & Reviews
Friends & Following
Create a free account to discover what your friends think of this book!
Community Reviews
Displaying 1 - 10 of 10 reviews
March 5, 2020
Crop circles and Aliens (well really only one) visit an Oklahoma farm.
A news reporter interviews a surprisingly intelligent Oki farmer about the strange things that happened in his backyard.
Yes'm, I'm serious. Aliens ate my pickup. Only it weren't really aliens, jest one, even though it was my Chevy four-ton, and he was a little bitty feller, not like some Japanese giant thing ... an’ he didn't really eat it, he just kinda chewed it up a little, look, you can see the teeth-marks on the bumper here an'...
The obligatory Crop Circles Lead in Zeppelin style
Well, anyway, the sky lit up, but it was all over in lessn’ a minute.
An’ dang if there ain't a big ol’ mess in the middle'a my best hayfield! What? Oh heckfire, ma'am, it was one'a them crop circle things, like on the cover'a that Led Zeppelin record. Purely ruint m'hay. You cain't let hay get flattened down like that, spoils it right quick ‘round here if they's been any dew, an’ it was plenty damp that mornin'.
A stray animal?
It was about the ugliest thing on six legs I ever seen in my life. Ma'am, that critter looked like somebody done beat out a fire on its face with a ugly stick. Looked like five miles ‘a bad road. Like the reason first cousins hadn't ought t'get married. Two liddle, squinchy eyes that wuz all pupil, nose like a burnt pancake, jaws like a bear-trap. Hide all mangy and patchy, part scales and part fur, an’ all of it putrid green. No ears that I could see. Six legs, like I said, an’ three tails, two of ‘em whippy and ratty, an’ one sorta like a club. It drooled, an’ its nose ran. Id'a been afraid of it, ‘cept it crawled outa there with its three tails ‘tween its legs, whimperin’ an’ wheezin’ an’ lookin’ up at me like it was ‘fraid I was gonna beat it. I figgered, hell, poor critter's scarder of me than I am of it—an’ if it looks ugly t'me, reckon I must look just's ugly right back.
What can you feed an alien creature?
Thang's took off like a shot, a headin’ fer one'a my chickens!
Well, he caught it, an he ate it down, beak an’ feathers, an’ he sicked it right back up agin’ ‘fore I could stop ‘im.
That made me hot all over agin'. Some dang idjut makes a mess'a my hayfield, then this Thang makes messes all over m'yard, an’ then it eats one'a my chickens. Now I'm a soft man, but there's one thing I don't stand for, an’ that's critters messin’ with the stock. I won't have no dog that runs cows, sucks eggs, or kills chickens. So I just grabbed me the first thang that I could and I went after that Thang t'lay inta him good. Happens it was a shovel, an’ I whanged him a good one right upside th’ haid ‘fore he'd even finished bein’ sick. Well, it seemed t'hurt him ‘bout as much as a rolled-up paper'll hurt a pup, so I kept whangin’ him an’ he kept cowerin’ an’ whimperin’ an’ then he grabbed the shovel, the metal end.
An’ he ate it.
He didn't sick that up, neither.
Well, we looked at each other, an’ he kinda wagged his tails, an’ I kinda forgave ‘im, an’ we went lookin’ fer some more stuff he could eat.
Compost, Recycle, Hazardous waste, Save the Environment. The Alien was the answer to all these problems
I figgered I not only had my trash problem licked, I could purt-near take care of the whole dang county. You know how much them fellers get t'take care'a hazardous waste? Heckfire, all I had t'do was feed it t'ol’ Thang, an’ what came out ‘tother end looked pretty much like ash. I had me a goldmine, that's how I figgered.
All good things must come to an end . . .
An’ I woke up with a big, bright light in m'eyes, an’ not able t'move. I kinda passed out, an’ when I came to, Thang was gone, an’ all that was left was the leash an’ collar. All I can figger is that whoever messed up m'hayfield was havin’ a picnic or somethin’ an’ left their doggie by accident. But I reckon they figger I took pretty good care of ‘im, since I ‘spect he weighed ‘bout forty, fifty pounds more when they got ‘im back.
Humorous? you bet!
Enjoy!
A news reporter interviews a surprisingly intelligent Oki farmer about the strange things that happened in his backyard.
Yes'm, I'm serious. Aliens ate my pickup. Only it weren't really aliens, jest one, even though it was my Chevy four-ton, and he was a little bitty feller, not like some Japanese giant thing ... an’ he didn't really eat it, he just kinda chewed it up a little, look, you can see the teeth-marks on the bumper here an'...
The obligatory Crop Circles Lead in Zeppelin style
Well, anyway, the sky lit up, but it was all over in lessn’ a minute.
An’ dang if there ain't a big ol’ mess in the middle'a my best hayfield! What? Oh heckfire, ma'am, it was one'a them crop circle things, like on the cover'a that Led Zeppelin record. Purely ruint m'hay. You cain't let hay get flattened down like that, spoils it right quick ‘round here if they's been any dew, an’ it was plenty damp that mornin'.
A stray animal?
It was about the ugliest thing on six legs I ever seen in my life. Ma'am, that critter looked like somebody done beat out a fire on its face with a ugly stick. Looked like five miles ‘a bad road. Like the reason first cousins hadn't ought t'get married. Two liddle, squinchy eyes that wuz all pupil, nose like a burnt pancake, jaws like a bear-trap. Hide all mangy and patchy, part scales and part fur, an’ all of it putrid green. No ears that I could see. Six legs, like I said, an’ three tails, two of ‘em whippy and ratty, an’ one sorta like a club. It drooled, an’ its nose ran. Id'a been afraid of it, ‘cept it crawled outa there with its three tails ‘tween its legs, whimperin’ an’ wheezin’ an’ lookin’ up at me like it was ‘fraid I was gonna beat it. I figgered, hell, poor critter's scarder of me than I am of it—an’ if it looks ugly t'me, reckon I must look just's ugly right back.
What can you feed an alien creature?
Thang's took off like a shot, a headin’ fer one'a my chickens!
Well, he caught it, an he ate it down, beak an’ feathers, an’ he sicked it right back up agin’ ‘fore I could stop ‘im.
That made me hot all over agin'. Some dang idjut makes a mess'a my hayfield, then this Thang makes messes all over m'yard, an’ then it eats one'a my chickens. Now I'm a soft man, but there's one thing I don't stand for, an’ that's critters messin’ with the stock. I won't have no dog that runs cows, sucks eggs, or kills chickens. So I just grabbed me the first thang that I could and I went after that Thang t'lay inta him good. Happens it was a shovel, an’ I whanged him a good one right upside th’ haid ‘fore he'd even finished bein’ sick. Well, it seemed t'hurt him ‘bout as much as a rolled-up paper'll hurt a pup, so I kept whangin’ him an’ he kept cowerin’ an’ whimperin’ an’ then he grabbed the shovel, the metal end.
An’ he ate it.
He didn't sick that up, neither.
Well, we looked at each other, an’ he kinda wagged his tails, an’ I kinda forgave ‘im, an’ we went lookin’ fer some more stuff he could eat.
Compost, Recycle, Hazardous waste, Save the Environment. The Alien was the answer to all these problems
I figgered I not only had my trash problem licked, I could purt-near take care of the whole dang county. You know how much them fellers get t'take care'a hazardous waste? Heckfire, all I had t'do was feed it t'ol’ Thang, an’ what came out ‘tother end looked pretty much like ash. I had me a goldmine, that's how I figgered.
All good things must come to an end . . .
An’ I woke up with a big, bright light in m'eyes, an’ not able t'move. I kinda passed out, an’ when I came to, Thang was gone, an’ all that was left was the leash an’ collar. All I can figger is that whoever messed up m'hayfield was havin’ a picnic or somethin’ an’ left their doggie by accident. But I reckon they figger I took pretty good care of ‘im, since I ‘spect he weighed ‘bout forty, fifty pounds more when they got ‘im back.
Humorous? you bet!
Enjoy!
October 21, 2015
An amusing light comedy
While I was reading this story my 7 year old asked what I was reading. Obviously intrigued by the title, she asked me to read it to her. Doing a bit of editing as I read made the story quite understandable to daughter and wife who frequently listens when I read aloud. Neither of them laughed out loud but both said the story was very good and funny. I agree. Another fine science fiction story from Ms Lackey.
While I was reading this story my 7 year old asked what I was reading. Obviously intrigued by the title, she asked me to read it to her. Doing a bit of editing as I read made the story quite understandable to daughter and wife who frequently listens when I read aloud. Neither of them laughed out loud but both said the story was very good and funny. I agree. Another fine science fiction story from Ms Lackey.
September 1, 2014
Very cute story
March 6, 2024
funny little tale of a guy who tries to adopt an alien as a puppy substitute... included in Fiddler Fair, which in turn was included in Dragon's Teeth
March 26, 2018
Laugh out loud, just the right proportion of cynicism.
January 13, 2024
Fun story
This stats just plain fun! It's written in an Oklahoma dialect and references Mercedes Lackey and her husband Larry Dixon as the two science fiction writers and even references the Valdemar series and is all wonderfully tongue in cheek.
This stats just plain fun! It's written in an Oklahoma dialect and references Mercedes Lackey and her husband Larry Dixon as the two science fiction writers and even references the Valdemar series and is all wonderfully tongue in cheek.
December 29, 2021
Hilarious!
April 5, 2025
Brilliant shortstory!!
January 3, 2016
Short, ok, nothing special.
Displaying 1 - 10 of 10 reviews