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The Storms Can't Hurt the Sky: The Buddhist Path through Divorce
Buddhism has been applied to everything from parenting to golf, but until now no one has offered Buddhist principles as a healing path through divorce. In Storms Can't Hurt the Sky, Gabriel Cohen bravely delves into his personal experience-along with insights from Buddhist masters, parables, humor, social science studies, and interviews with other divorces-to provide a practical and very helpful guide to surviving the pain of any break-up. Focusing on the emotions most common in the dissolution of a relationship-anger, resentment, loss, and grief -- Storms Can't Hurt the Sky shows how thinking about these feelings in surprisingly different ways can lead to a radically better experience. This compulsively readable book offers sound advice and much-needed empathy for anyone dealing with a break-up.
290 pages, Kindle Edition
First published February 5, 2008
42 people are currently reading
142 people want to read
About the author
Gabriel Cohen
12 books15 followersGabriel Cohen’s debut novel Red Hook was nominated for the Edgar award for Best First Novel, and he is also the author of The Ninth Step, The Graving Dock, Boombox, Neptune Avenue, and the nonfiction book Storms Can’t Hurt the Sky: A Buddhist Path Through Divorce. He has written for The New York Times, Poets & Writers, Gourmet.com, Shambhala Sun, the New York Post magazine, and Time Out New York. He teaches in the Writing Program at the Pratt Institute; has taught writing at New York University; and lectures extensively.
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Displaying 1 - 28 of 28 reviews
July 11, 2008
The only bad thing about this book is the misleading subtitle. Cohen sells himself short by implying that his book is intended for and only useful to those undergoing the breakup of a relationship. Actually, the book has wonderful, clear and useful insights for anyone who wants to be happier and wants to learn how to cope with the inevitable traumas and disappointments that life throws at us all. While much of the book is centered on dealing with the anger we may feel when a relationship sours, its wisdom applies across the board. The subtitle caused me to put this book down three times before I finally decided to read it, intrigued by the main title, I guess. I'm glad that happened, because this is a wonderful, helpful, inspiring and down to earth book.
It could be summed up as a manual of practical advice on how to "transform adverse conditions into the path to enlightenment." Cohen poses the question, how can we move from our usual anxious, self-cherishing, relationship-sabotaging orientation toward a lighter more compassionate way of relating to someone else? He goes on, however, to acknowledge that this question is not just how we can love one other person better -- it's how we can relate better to everyone else in the world.
In other words, this is about how to become free of suffering and find true happiness. Particularly helpful is Cohen's treatment of what makes relationships work, and how we can make them happier by taking the focus off ourself, thinking about what is good for "us" rather than what is good for "me," and learning to let go of resentment and anger. And Cohen is wise enough to admit that his book does not offer a get-enlightened quick scheme. Rather, the techniques he describes, although simple sounding, obviously require attention and practice before they will really pay off.
Cohen shows in simple terms how to stop treating relationships as a "happiness-for-me machine," and how to achieve inner peace by accepting that for the most part, it is we ourselves who are the cause of our unhappiness, and that happiness or unhappiness really is something that takes place between our ears. He shows us how we can gain serenity and learn to control mental agitation by using patience, compassion and generoisty to counteract the "poisons" of anger, self-love and selfishness. While this may sound totally sappy and impractical, in fact, in the real world this type of practice does bear good fruit. While the goal may seem impractical and impossible to achieve, the steps are small and sensible. This is a book that could make a difference in the lives of those who read it. I'm glad I picked it up.
It could be summed up as a manual of practical advice on how to "transform adverse conditions into the path to enlightenment." Cohen poses the question, how can we move from our usual anxious, self-cherishing, relationship-sabotaging orientation toward a lighter more compassionate way of relating to someone else? He goes on, however, to acknowledge that this question is not just how we can love one other person better -- it's how we can relate better to everyone else in the world.
In other words, this is about how to become free of suffering and find true happiness. Particularly helpful is Cohen's treatment of what makes relationships work, and how we can make them happier by taking the focus off ourself, thinking about what is good for "us" rather than what is good for "me," and learning to let go of resentment and anger. And Cohen is wise enough to admit that his book does not offer a get-enlightened quick scheme. Rather, the techniques he describes, although simple sounding, obviously require attention and practice before they will really pay off.
Cohen shows in simple terms how to stop treating relationships as a "happiness-for-me machine," and how to achieve inner peace by accepting that for the most part, it is we ourselves who are the cause of our unhappiness, and that happiness or unhappiness really is something that takes place between our ears. He shows us how we can gain serenity and learn to control mental agitation by using patience, compassion and generoisty to counteract the "poisons" of anger, self-love and selfishness. While this may sound totally sappy and impractical, in fact, in the real world this type of practice does bear good fruit. While the goal may seem impractical and impossible to achieve, the steps are small and sensible. This is a book that could make a difference in the lives of those who read it. I'm glad I picked it up.
January 22, 2013
This was a really helpful book. In a lot of ways, it's too bad it's directed to those in the midst of a divorce because so many of the principles it teaches about relationships would be helpful to couples prior to the dissolution phase. I know I kept saying "I wish I would have read this years ago." Everyone in a relationship should read this and maybe there would be fewer divorces in the first place.
Basically, we are all looking for the same things: love and happiness. Unfortunately, we often come to see those whom we once loved the very most as impediments to our individual happiness. That's a tragedy, and perhaps attributable solely to wrong views. Buddhism to me is very much about using mindfulness to control the way we feel and think about situations and circumstances that otherwise have no inherent meaning. If people approached situations--especially the big, difficult ones--with more selfless compassion, there would be a lot less conflict out there.
The benefit of this book is that it shows a way to apply these things going forward after a divorce without necessarily having to look back.
Basically, we are all looking for the same things: love and happiness. Unfortunately, we often come to see those whom we once loved the very most as impediments to our individual happiness. That's a tragedy, and perhaps attributable solely to wrong views. Buddhism to me is very much about using mindfulness to control the way we feel and think about situations and circumstances that otherwise have no inherent meaning. If people approached situations--especially the big, difficult ones--with more selfless compassion, there would be a lot less conflict out there.
The benefit of this book is that it shows a way to apply these things going forward after a divorce without necessarily having to look back.
March 5, 2008
i love this book, it's been much more helpful in many ways than books by long time holy men and teachers. It's very immediate and speaks to a specific issue. Though not going through a divorce, I applied the info to other difficulties i have had with friends, family etc. this book gave me inspiration for my meditation practice, and life in general,Fed my ongoing interest in Buddhism. highly recommend.
January 15, 2015
I enjoyed this book. Not riveting but full of things to consider when it comes to other's actions.... a concept that is applicable to every relationship (not just divorcees). It helped remind me that all action/word is filtered by our perception. If you pick it up, I believe there is something you will get out of it.
October 7, 2025
There is a lot of good in this book, but everyone should also explore the books Cohen references throughout. I was lucky enough to find mindfulness in the months before I met my wife, thanks to the writings of teachers like Chodron and Thich Nhat Hahn.
But the delusions of the mind continue to exist for me. A large challenge for me is my desire to help solve the problems of those around me. I know that meditation, exercise, and routines are helpful for me to manage my depression and anger. Therefore, I believed these things could help my wife.
What I see now is that a person has to arrive at these things on their own. I can’t solve her depression and I am not responsible for her happiness. By trying to impose what I believed were successful techniques, I projected who I wanted her to be and failed to allow her to be who she was.
The biggest surprise about the whole situation was actually the relief and happiness that I felt when she eventually told me that she no longer wanted to be married to me. On one level I was hurt, but that was just the self crying “What about Me?” I am trying to see this divorce as a chance to let go of everything that I had been carrying and hopefully to grow and to be better prepared for future relationships.
Like many of the people interviewed in this book, I will miss her family terribly, they’ve become a huge part of my life over the last ten years, but the divorce will allow me to relocate and to reconnect with my own family and friends with whom I’ve lost contact since getting married. Everything is an opportunity to practice.
But the delusions of the mind continue to exist for me. A large challenge for me is my desire to help solve the problems of those around me. I know that meditation, exercise, and routines are helpful for me to manage my depression and anger. Therefore, I believed these things could help my wife.
What I see now is that a person has to arrive at these things on their own. I can’t solve her depression and I am not responsible for her happiness. By trying to impose what I believed were successful techniques, I projected who I wanted her to be and failed to allow her to be who she was.
The biggest surprise about the whole situation was actually the relief and happiness that I felt when she eventually told me that she no longer wanted to be married to me. On one level I was hurt, but that was just the self crying “What about Me?” I am trying to see this divorce as a chance to let go of everything that I had been carrying and hopefully to grow and to be better prepared for future relationships.
Like many of the people interviewed in this book, I will miss her family terribly, they’ve become a huge part of my life over the last ten years, but the divorce will allow me to relocate and to reconnect with my own family and friends with whom I’ve lost contact since getting married. Everything is an opportunity to practice.
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February 4, 2021What a great book! Anyone that is struggling with anger could benefit from this book if you are open to the ideas presented. Cohen's book really isn't about divorce, although the main character in the book is going through and recovering from divorce. It really is about life and observing, connecting and seeing that everyone is going through something and YOU can make a difference, one person at a time!
I read many books over the years dealing with buddism and attaining inter-peace and quieting the voices we always hear in our heads. This is one more book that touches on all those topics. Some of the books I read in the past are very wooo---wooo and thus to many would be too weird to some people and they really wouldn't receive and move forward with the message.
We're all struggling with something . . . ."The Storms Can't Hurt the Sky" is a fast read with valuable examples of other folks lives, their problems and how one can move through it and maybe we can affect a change in their life and thus affect a change in our minds and our lives.
I read many books over the years dealing with buddism and attaining inter-peace and quieting the voices we always hear in our heads. This is one more book that touches on all those topics. Some of the books I read in the past are very wooo---wooo and thus to many would be too weird to some people and they really wouldn't receive and move forward with the message.
We're all struggling with something . . . ."The Storms Can't Hurt the Sky" is a fast read with valuable examples of other folks lives, their problems and how one can move through it and maybe we can affect a change in their life and thus affect a change in our minds and our lives.
April 21, 2020
This is one of many books I've read to help me heal, let go, and move on from the single most painful experience of my life. Cohen's story is incredibly relatable and his narrative is easy to follow. He is not overly prescriptive regarding the principles of Buddhism. Rather, he explains how he explored Buddhism to help him through all the common emotions in divorce and work toward being a stronger more understanding person. Honestly, I wish I would have read this book before or early in my marriage. I would have been a better husband and person and though, that may not have prevented my wife from seeking happiness elsewhere, I know I would have done my part toward marital success.
June 13, 2020
I'm currently going through a divorce and my friend sent this to me as a surprise. I grew up Buddhist and am very familiar with all the concepts Cohen covers in this book. However, his realistic and practical approach to the philosophical Buddhist concepts changed some of my perspectives, which was surprising to me. I really related to his "critical" view on the sort of club-like hoopla of Buddhist thinking in the US, and I appreciated how he mixed honesty and candidness with humor. The approach Cohen takes in this book is realistic, helpful, relieving, and also very applicable to the real feelings that emerge from divorce and loss. I totally recommend it!
April 24, 2022
A book from an author who shares his learnt lessons about divorce, anger, wisdom and happiness anchored in the Buddhist teachings.
“Relationships are a chance to focus on others' happiness. "If you love others, you won't just contribute to their happiness -- you'll increase your own.”” Easier said than done, and yet a worthwhile pursuit.
“Relationships are a chance to focus on others' happiness. "If you love others, you won't just contribute to their happiness -- you'll increase your own.”” Easier said than done, and yet a worthwhile pursuit.
June 11, 2022
Wasn't impressed. Read like a memoir of a man who desperately could not let go of his marriage ending. Countless excerpts and quotes from Buddhist teachers muddled his ruminations. So and so said this and the So and so once said that blah blah blah blah.
June 29, 2023
I can some up the soul of this book with the following…
‘Kindness is so important. It’s not logical - you can decide to be kind even if the other person is being an asshole. I think if two people really decide to be kind to each other they can find their way through everything.’
‘Kindness is so important. It’s not logical - you can decide to be kind even if the other person is being an asshole. I think if two people really decide to be kind to each other they can find their way through everything.’
March 10, 2017
A great insight through the Buddhist lens on how it feels when a marriage ends and how do deal with the suffering that accompanies such an event.
It is during our darkest moments that we must focus to see the light.
It is during our darkest moments that we must focus to see the light.
March 7, 2017
Some parts were really excellent. But it was a bit too much of a memoir and thus some points were hard to ferret out of the other bits. I'm glad I read it. I know some folks who would benefit, but I have no need to own or read it again
July 19, 2012
This is great reading - very compelling and hard to put down, as one man's story of how at the abrupt end of his marriage he turned to buddhism to find some answers. Not a religious text, in any way, but more an personal tale of gaining perspective and learning to cope with your own feelings and feel compassion for others, rather than trying to change them. It's the kind of thing you pass around to friends, who pass around to friends. And it certainly doesn't need to wait until the end of a relationship - it can be useful even in an ongoing one. Definitely recommend it!
February 22, 2015
Good book for me to read because it dealt with divorce as seen through the lens of Buddhism. I enjoyed Gabriel's plain language description of buddhist concepts. For me, this book was one of the most helpful I have read on divorce, although, not just for divorce, but for traversing the rest of my life. He mentions several books on buddhism, and I had picked out and read a couple of them, but I liked this one better. I guess, right book, right time.
January 14, 2009
I found this book really amazing. I wasn't expecting much from this book, but was pleasantly surprised. It exposed me to a different level of Buddhism, one that I could readily apply to my life and benefit from. I highly recommend this book to anyone going through a divorce, or any other difficult event in their life.
April 24, 2012
Read on my Kindle.
I found a Buddhist perspective on experiencing divorce to be very interesting, since Buddhism is so close to my own Stoic philosophy in many ways. A lot of the same concepts apply.
I'm not experiencing a lot of psychological trauma regarding my divorce (anymore), but if I were, this would be a book I would want to have handy.
I found a Buddhist perspective on experiencing divorce to be very interesting, since Buddhism is so close to my own Stoic philosophy in many ways. A lot of the same concepts apply.
I'm not experiencing a lot of psychological trauma regarding my divorce (anymore), but if I were, this would be a book I would want to have handy.
November 18, 2012
I am going through a breakup right now with my fiance and this book helped me more than I can even say. It seemed like Gabe and I had gone through the same fire. His humor and the converational tone makes the ideas and concepts very accessible.Especially when your mind is screaming about the other thing in your life.
November 6, 2009
An amazing book about so much more than divorce. It teaches grace, kindness, and the idea of karma all while being sensitive to the pain and sadness that losing a spouse to divorce can bring. I have read it 6 times and every time I get something new from it! Highly recommended!
March 28, 2009
Changed my perspective on life!
January 27, 2013
Applicable advice on how to manage your feelings. Mr. Cohen uses his own experience and how he dealt with it to provide real world advice on how to handle difficulties in life.
February 27, 2013
Very helpful. There isn't much that can make separation painless, but this book offers practical solutions and practices that can ease the pain at times when nothing else seems to work.
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March 7, 2013Made me think--made me want to explore buddhism
June 3, 2013
I highly recommend the book for everybody not just people going through a divorce or bad breakup.
May 8, 2016
Simplistic and cultish at times, deeply relatable at others. Definitely worth reading if you're going through divorce.
July 23, 2017
This book literally saved my life. It was an impulse buy because of a somewhat fleeting interest in Buddhism, but it enabled me to deal with my divorce and has allowed me to forgive myself and my ex. It also gave me the foundation for my journey into Buddhism. since reading this I went from being someone interested In Buddhism to someone who is active at the local temple.
October 20, 2017
This is not a book about divorce, despite the title. This is a book about confronting your anger. Divorce is the backdrop as the author works through his own crumbling relationship but anyone who has had a breakup can relate. Or anyone who has ever quarreled with friends or family. Actually, anyone who has ever felt angry.
This is also not a Buddhist book, but rather a book about understanding ourselves. Buddhism is the path by which the author grows but it is not the only path - mindfullness and introspection are the real keys here.
I recommend this book for anyone who... nope, just anyone.
This is also not a Buddhist book, but rather a book about understanding ourselves. Buddhism is the path by which the author grows but it is not the only path - mindfullness and introspection are the real keys here.
I recommend this book for anyone who... nope, just anyone.
Displaying 1 - 28 of 28 reviews