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Private Chick
A SHORT STORY BY AN EDGAR WINNER
Once you read the opening line: “Don’s the name, Diva’s the game,” you know you’re in for a careen through the hood. And not just any hood. This is the Big Easy’s Faubourg Marigny, dawlin,’ where Diva Delish, the world’s most glamorous drag queen detective, presides nightly as bartender at the Marigny Palace. Never one to miss a bet, Diva’s got a little P.I. office set up in the back. When a neighborhood gutterpunk walks into the Palace (what? a gutterpunk with money to hire a P.I.?) Diva’s intrigued enough to take the case, accompanied by her faithful dog, Barkus—who knows a clue when he smells one. Her alter ego comes along too, an unprepossessing chap who goes by the name of “Don.”
Originally a radio play, PRIVATE CHICK is a symphony of the sounds and dialects of New Orleans, and pretty much a laugh a line. As the author said in an interview, “If you’re going to write about a drag queen, there’s just no way to slack off on the one-liners.”
Julie Smith is the author of the Skip Langdon and Talba Wallis mystery series, also set in New Orleans.
Once you read the opening line: “Don’s the name, Diva’s the game,” you know you’re in for a careen through the hood. And not just any hood. This is the Big Easy’s Faubourg Marigny, dawlin,’ where Diva Delish, the world’s most glamorous drag queen detective, presides nightly as bartender at the Marigny Palace. Never one to miss a bet, Diva’s got a little P.I. office set up in the back. When a neighborhood gutterpunk walks into the Palace (what? a gutterpunk with money to hire a P.I.?) Diva’s intrigued enough to take the case, accompanied by her faithful dog, Barkus—who knows a clue when he smells one. Her alter ego comes along too, an unprepossessing chap who goes by the name of “Don.”
Originally a radio play, PRIVATE CHICK is a symphony of the sounds and dialects of New Orleans, and pretty much a laugh a line. As the author said in an interview, “If you’re going to write about a drag queen, there’s just no way to slack off on the one-liners.”
Julie Smith is the author of the Skip Langdon and Talba Wallis mystery series, also set in New Orleans.
22 pages, Kindle Edition
First published March 21, 2012
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51 people want to read
About the author
Julie Smith
259 books403 followersAuthor of 20 mystery novels and a YA paranormal adventure called BAD GIRL SCHOOL (formerly CURSEBUSTERS!). Nine of the mysteries are about a female New Orleans cop Skip Langdon, five about a San Francisco lawyer named Rebecca Schwartz,two about a struggling mystery writer named Paul Mcdonald (whose fate no one should suffer) and four teaming up Talba Wallis, a private eye with many names, a poetic license, and a smoking computer, with veteran P.I. Eddie Valentino.
In Bad GIRL SCHOOL, a psychic pink-haired teen-age burglar named Reeno gets recruited by a psychotic telepathic cat to pull a job that involves time travel to an ancient Mayan city. Hint:It HAS to be done before 2012!
Winner of the 1991 Edgar Allen Poe Award for best novel, that being NEW ORLEANS MOURNING.
Former reporter for the New Orleans TIMES-PICAYUNE and the San Francisco CHRONICLE.
Recently licensed private investigator, and thereon hangs a tale.
Resident of New Orleans, Louisiana
In Bad GIRL SCHOOL, a psychic pink-haired teen-age burglar named Reeno gets recruited by a psychotic telepathic cat to pull a job that involves time travel to an ancient Mayan city. Hint:It HAS to be done before 2012!
Winner of the 1991 Edgar Allen Poe Award for best novel, that being NEW ORLEANS MOURNING.
Former reporter for the New Orleans TIMES-PICAYUNE and the San Francisco CHRONICLE.
Recently licensed private investigator, and thereon hangs a tale.
Resident of New Orleans, Louisiana
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Displaying 1 - 10 of 10 reviews
January 4, 2018
Trying to read Julie Smith's short story "Private Chick" is like trying to finish a Where's Waldo book. Waldo is indeed lurking somewhere on each page, but readers have to make their way past a lot of distracting images to find him. Similarly, in Smith's story, there's a mystery of sorts, but readers will have to plow past a lot or arch, distracting, and often annoying blather to find it
"Private Chick" introduces a new detective (hopefully for the first and only time) in Smith's stable of colorful New Orleans investigators. And Diva Delish is certainly colorful; she's a drag queen bartender at a popular nightclub who has become sort of a Lady Chablis cult figure and revels in the attention. She also is an actual private investigator and gets called upon by a street panhandler named Wendy to find her missing boyfriend, who worked as a gofer for a local sculptor. The boyfriend simply vanished, and Wendy is convinced the sculptor had something to do with the disappearance.
“Private Chick” attempts both to introduce a new lead character and solve a fairly complex mystery, all in the space of some 20 pages. Not surprisingly, it doesn’t do either of them very well. The mystery might have been entertaining if not for the fact that the first person narration by Diva Delish is filled with asides, nicknames, slang references, and in-references and becomes quite hard to follow. Take away all the fluff, and the story is about five pages long, and, at that length, not to difficult to figure out.
However, “Private Chick” is more like the pilot episode of a television series than a standalone mystery story involving an established character. Author Smith wants to introduce and make us like a character she obviously enjoys a lot. And that’s the problem. The story would have been at least tolerable had Diva Delish not been such a grating, annoying character patting herself on the back all the time and having locals fawn over her. I realize this was done for humorous effect, and that humor is very subjective, but I just didn’t find much of it funny or the character very amusing. Some readers may find a pet Chihuahua named Barkus that pees all over the place funny but I did not. Similarly, Delish comes up with references like “the most popular murder motive on the third planet from the sun.” A little of that goes a long way, and there were a lot more lines like that in a fairly short story.
Another exceptionally annoying plot point in the story is a major reveal in the last couple of pages when a character finds out that Delish is not actually a woman. Now, there are very realistic female impersonators out there, but drag queens do not succeed because of subtlety, and it’s inconceivable that people familiar with the city of New Orleans would not realize that a local celebrity drag queen was not actually a man. The fact that Delish could go “undercover” as a man might be a good plot point in another story, but the entire revelation is handled quite poorly here.
Actually, most of “Private Chick” is handled quite poorly. It’s a story about an annoying, unlikable character who is meant by the author to be sassily likable, with a lot of attempts at humor that flop. Julie Smith is a talented author (she’s won an Edgar award), and her books have a lot of authentic local flavor, bits and pieces of which show up here. And a few of her quips and observations are quite clever, although they are often surrounded by clunkily bad ones. She can do, and often has done, much better. All in all, “Private Chick” is a story that should have remained private.
"Private Chick" introduces a new detective (hopefully for the first and only time) in Smith's stable of colorful New Orleans investigators. And Diva Delish is certainly colorful; she's a drag queen bartender at a popular nightclub who has become sort of a Lady Chablis cult figure and revels in the attention. She also is an actual private investigator and gets called upon by a street panhandler named Wendy to find her missing boyfriend, who worked as a gofer for a local sculptor. The boyfriend simply vanished, and Wendy is convinced the sculptor had something to do with the disappearance.
“Private Chick” attempts both to introduce a new lead character and solve a fairly complex mystery, all in the space of some 20 pages. Not surprisingly, it doesn’t do either of them very well. The mystery might have been entertaining if not for the fact that the first person narration by Diva Delish is filled with asides, nicknames, slang references, and in-references and becomes quite hard to follow. Take away all the fluff, and the story is about five pages long, and, at that length, not to difficult to figure out.
However, “Private Chick” is more like the pilot episode of a television series than a standalone mystery story involving an established character. Author Smith wants to introduce and make us like a character she obviously enjoys a lot. And that’s the problem. The story would have been at least tolerable had Diva Delish not been such a grating, annoying character patting herself on the back all the time and having locals fawn over her. I realize this was done for humorous effect, and that humor is very subjective, but I just didn’t find much of it funny or the character very amusing. Some readers may find a pet Chihuahua named Barkus that pees all over the place funny but I did not. Similarly, Delish comes up with references like “the most popular murder motive on the third planet from the sun.” A little of that goes a long way, and there were a lot more lines like that in a fairly short story.
Another exceptionally annoying plot point in the story is a major reveal in the last couple of pages when a character finds out that Delish is not actually a woman. Now, there are very realistic female impersonators out there, but drag queens do not succeed because of subtlety, and it’s inconceivable that people familiar with the city of New Orleans would not realize that a local celebrity drag queen was not actually a man. The fact that Delish could go “undercover” as a man might be a good plot point in another story, but the entire revelation is handled quite poorly here.
Actually, most of “Private Chick” is handled quite poorly. It’s a story about an annoying, unlikable character who is meant by the author to be sassily likable, with a lot of attempts at humor that flop. Julie Smith is a talented author (she’s won an Edgar award), and her books have a lot of authentic local flavor, bits and pieces of which show up here. And a few of her quips and observations are quite clever, although they are often surrounded by clunkily bad ones. She can do, and often has done, much better. All in all, “Private Chick” is a story that should have remained private.
October 20, 2019
Hilarious and captivating
Julie Smith has done it again. Yet another unforgettable character with a great story. I could definitely read more of these!
Julie Smith has done it again. Yet another unforgettable character with a great story. I could definitely read more of these!
May 31, 2020
What a twist
A nice short story to read and nice humor to get one's mind off all the horrors of today. Great plot, ended too quickly.
A nice short story to read and nice humor to get one's mind off all the horrors of today. Great plot, ended too quickly.
December 27, 2025
Very short, somewhat funny.
Drag Queen bartender P.I. finds a missing person without breaking a sweat.
3 Stars.
Drag Queen bartender P.I. finds a missing person without breaking a sweat.
3 Stars.
March 2, 2017
Great short story
Was fun to find a Julie Smith New Orleans mystery I hadn't read yet. And with the flavor of the town and its characters I'd come to expect.
Was fun to find a Julie Smith New Orleans mystery I hadn't read yet. And with the flavor of the town and its characters I'd come to expect.
January 4, 2019
This was not my cup of tea.
Already after a few pages I doubted I'll like it - I couldn't relate to the characters, didn't get the humor and even if the description stated it's an introduction into the author's works I had at least two times the impression it refered to events described (most likely in other books) or the style was misleading.
What I really loved was the fact I didn't notice a single typo or error and the author's/publisher's request to report those (including an email-address) so this was either really great editorial work or previous readers got the errors and they were fixed!
I really hope this short story was different from the author's novels and I'll like those much more - for now I still plan to give at least two of the series a chance and hope I like those much more.
Already after a few pages I doubted I'll like it - I couldn't relate to the characters, didn't get the humor and even if the description stated it's an introduction into the author's works I had at least two times the impression it refered to events described (most likely in other books) or the style was misleading.
What I really loved was the fact I didn't notice a single typo or error and the author's/publisher's request to report those (including an email-address) so this was either really great editorial work or previous readers got the errors and they were fixed!
I really hope this short story was different from the author's novels and I'll like those much more - for now I still plan to give at least two of the series a chance and hope I like those much more.
July 16, 2014
Stupid
Stupid
I'm a fan of the author's other series, but I found this book to be silly & beyond plausibility, in terms of the detective's deductions. if this is a series, I won't buy anymore of those books. it wasn't even entertaining, just annoying.
Stupid
I'm a fan of the author's other series, but I found this book to be silly & beyond plausibility, in terms of the detective's deductions. if this is a series, I won't buy anymore of those books. it wasn't even entertaining, just annoying.
September 21, 2016
Fun.
A fun short story, I liked reading about Diva. She's a different kind of PI with a devilish side. It is enjoyable all through and I liked the end as it wrapped things up nicely.
A fun short story, I liked reading about Diva. She's a different kind of PI with a devilish side. It is enjoyable all through and I liked the end as it wrapped things up nicely.
July 26, 2015
Really cute mystery short story
Ms. Smith is great at describing the. Deep mixtures that are the essence of the New Orleans culture and how they interact. Well done dawlin
Ms. Smith is great at describing the. Deep mixtures that are the essence of the New Orleans culture and how they interact. Well done dawlin
October 18, 2016
Fun short story set in New Orleans and featuring a drag queen detective. Great job as usual by this author.
Displaying 1 - 10 of 10 reviews