Brutal: The Heartbreaking True Story of a Little Girl’s Stolen Innocence

by Nabila Sharma

He was my religious teacher. I should have been able to trust him. But he made me do unspeakable things…

At seven years old, Nabila Sharma began her lessons at the mosque as every good Muslim girl does. But from the minute she looked up at her Imam, the man who held her spiritual future in his hands, she knew something was wrong.

Over the next five years Nabila’s life became unbearable. While she was behind the doors of the mosque, the most sacred of places, the Imam brutally molested her on the slightest whim. Each day he would make her perform unspeakable acts, physically and mentally torturing her into compliance, to fulfil his perverse desires.

Nothing would stop him; no plea would make him relent. But he was a respected member of the community, trusted by everyone; if Nabila cried for help she would risk the honour of her family, an unthinkable act. There was nowhere she could turn, no one she could talk to. As a young Muslim girl, Nabila was powerless.

Brutal is the shocking, revelatory and heart-rending account of one girl’s plight in a society where honour and shame are a matter of life and death. It is a tale of innocence lost and a life shattered, but above all it is a tale of survival, of a young girl who found love and hope in the darkest of places.

Genres: Memoir, Nonfiction, Abuse

305 pages, Kindle Edition

First published April 26, 2012

Reviews

[Ruxx · Rating 4 out of 5]

A perfect description of the close knit British Muslim community. Narrated by the author of her own childhood growing up in England sometimes reminded me of myself as a child. I'm sure many British Muslim females would say the same after reading this.
Brave writing about some subjects considered taboo, a heart breaking biography.

[Jules · Rating 4 out of 5]

Whilst the word ‘enjoyable’ can never be fixed to the reading of such a heartrending story, I found this book to be a very captivating and satisfying read.

‘Brutal’ acts as lifetime memoir that tells the story of a young Muslim woman who was repeatedly and over time sexually abused by her Imam from the age of seven years old. Sharma makes it clear that to tell family of the abuse would be almost unspeakable due to the codes and laws of the Muslim world. Not only was she too young to fully comprehend the acts of abuse herself at this age, she also seemed to understand aspects of Muslim culture and community where her word against the Imam would hardly be believed by her family but would also bring shame on them whilst destroying traditional family pride and stature.

Sharma’s storytelling is very seamless and fluid throughout the book and she makes it only too easy for the reader to empathise with her plight. As often happens with these memoirs though, I found myself becoming progressively angry throughout the narrative with much of this anger being directed around her family for knowing yet not responding effectively to claims of abuse. As the book works to a conclusion with Sharma eventually seeking counselling, finding some solace in her personal life and eventually reporting these crimes committed against her to the police, I found myself pleased but ultimately wanting to know more about how the case was being followed up. To not know was quite unsatisfying to me as a reader as I ultimately wanted justice to be done to the perpetrator of such a deplorable crime.

As one can imagine, to write and publish such a book takes courage and determination and these steely qualities of the narrator shine throughout this informative and harrowing read. This was certainly an inspiring account of survival against the odds and my closing thoughts as I finished the book involved justice for Sharma. I can only hope her perpetrator was (or will be) actually held to account for a hideous and life-affecting catalogue of abuse to, at least, one innocent girl.

[Nuzhat · Rating 3 out of 5]

This book is very important in raising awareness on sexual assault on children. Nabila isn't the lone child to have faced this at the age of seven. There are countless children even in our own surroundings being abused on regular basis. What's more saddening, people have made such issues TABOO. Hence, the lack of awareness multiplies this evil in society and our very own kids suffer, inevitably losing the bliss of childhood. I wish, Nabila's mom would've been open with her in discussions and make her daughter's self-abusing a big concern being her mother. This part felt extremely selfish. I admit, I skimmed through several pages (particularly those that described the Imam's abuse on little Nabila.) I couldn't bear to read even... how do victims survive through this sort of trauma? *Mentally Numb*

[Putroeline · Rating 3 out of 5]

a heart breaking biography..

[Nicola Robson · Rating 5 out of 5]

Brilliantly written book. Shows impact religion has on a family alongside story of abuse that's hidden. Hope Nabila gets justice one day

[Liane · Rating 3 out of 5]

I think the true story here was with her mother,not the Imam. What the guy did was disgusting and wrong, no doubt about it, but I think I would be more mentally scarred by the fact that my family were ashame of the fact I was abused and my mother actually went as far as to put a hit and a price on both my life and my boyfriends!

Generally I'm just really not sure about this book, I sympathise with the author but I think from a readers perspective I found it quite slow for the first 75% and often got very frustrated with it.

I actually out it down for a few days and started reading something else, which I never usually do! I only picked it up again because I had nothing else to hand to read at that moment.

I dont want to disrespect the author in any way but I find it hard to find anything positive to say about the book. :-(

[7703arlet · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book was really heartbreaking. It's about this girl, Nabila and how she gets sexually abused by her religious teacher. She couldn't really tell anyone because if she did, no one would believe her since the teacher is the most respected man of the Muslim Community. I liked this book because it was interesting. I think anyone who read the book "Sold" by Patricia Mccormick (or any other books about sexual abuse) and they liked the book, will like this book as well.

[Lady Zainab · Rating 5 out of 5]

A well written book,and an eye-opening account of the Author’s personal experiences of sexual abuse.


Brutal is a story of stolen innocence, manipulation, betrayal of trust, control, and abuse of power by a man who many in the Muslim community respected and trusted. Afterall, he is an Imam, and therefore, parents trusted hin with their children – that they would be safe in his presence and successfully fulfil the purpose for which they attended the Mosque in the first place; but he betrayed that trust over and over again without remorse.

Throughout the book, some of the cultural stereotypes within the Author’s culture is evident,and we see how silence is imposed through shame and fear. We learn of some of the roles and expectations of girls and boys within her culture, and we see how they impact her childhood and how she internalises and gives meaning to them, and form certain assumptions about herself and others based on those stereotypes, roles and expectations, coupled with the events and experiences of her abuse. We also learn of the impact the abuse had on the Author’s life, both during and after the abuse had stopped; and how they manifested themselves in her life. Every aspect of the Author’s life was affected. The flashbacks and memories of the abuse remained with her. But we later see how she was able to bring some stability to her life, thanks to a supportive boyfriend and her best friend. She was also able to bring some normalcy and stability to her life through counselling which allowed her to make sense of the abuse and to come to terms with the fact that the abuse was in no way, shape or form her fault.

And even though this is a sad and heartbreaking story. The first three chapters made for pleasant reading, and every now and again I would smile or have a chuckling as the Author recalled certain key experiences, situations and events involving her and her four brothers. Those were happier times – before the abuse happened. A time full of innocence – playing with dolls, making new discoveries, building new friendships and going to school; and we see how the concept of family honour in the Asian community can make it hard for children to speak out about the abuse. Maintaining the family’s honour can be a matter of life and death; and it is maintaining this honour that played a role in silencing the Author from disclosing the abuse, for fear she would bring shame and dishonour to her family, and that they would be outcasts if people from the local community found out about the abuse.



Attending the Mosque for the first time

From the age of seven, Nabila like her brothers, attended the local Mosque to learn to read and recite the Holy Qur’an. She attended almost every week night after school.

For Nabila, the Mosque was a mysterious place, because before then, she never attended a Mosque. And so, even though she was eager and excited to begin her lessons, she was also nervous and scared because she didn’t know what to expect; and all though her brothers attended the Mosque for several years, they were reluctant to speak of their experiences. But she soon found out why.

In the chapter entitled ‘ The Mosque,’ she recalls her early thoughts of going to the Mosque for the first time, and the harsh treatment suffered by children during Qur’an lessons. She describes how the Imams would beat the boys, some more than others. Boys were pushed, shoved, scolded and slapped for not learning their prayers or for just getting them wrong. She hated it. These words stood out to me, “The novelty of going to the Mosque soon wore off and it became somewhere to fear rather than enjoy…” How sad, I thought, because for me, the Mosque should be a place of refuge and a sanctuary for us as Muslims – a place where we go to learn and socialise – and a space where we feel at peace, and of course, SAFE.

It is so scary and difficult to think and process that any form of abuse could be going on behind the doors of a Mosque, and by a person we all would least expect to be guilty of committing such a hideous and criminal act against a child. But as hard as it may be to accept and to get our heads around, the sad reality is that abuse can happen within the walls of a Mosque, and any religious space or Centre for that matter, and, yes! Imams and other Ministers of Religion can be guilty of abusing children, whether sexual or otherwise.



The Abuse

The abuse began when Nabila was seven years old and continued for five years.

From the Imam’s hot stinking breath, his dirty finger-nails and love-bites, Nabila vividly recalls in great detail her abuse on the days she attended the Mosque.

We see how her abuser was very manipulative and skilful in grooming her in an attempt to win her trust and to normalise his inappropriate behaviours, even before the abuse began. He would groom her by singling her out to make her feel ‘special’ and ‘important’ and assigning special responsibilities to her to clean his ‘private quarters;’ and flatter her with compliments. “A great job, the imam nodded in approval. You’re a good little worker, Nabila. Keep it up! I felt my face flush with pride. I was so happy I thought my heart would burst. I wasn’t quick at learning the Koran, but as long as I kept the kitchen and the toilets clean, the imam would be pleased and I would do well here. And that’s all I wanted: to be a good little Muslim girl. ”

He also used various tactics like a ‘special handshake’ and giving her gifts. He also used intimidation and threats to buy her silence and manipulated her into believing that no one would believe her if she told about the abuse; and like other young victims of sexual abuse, the Author was confused and didn’t know what to make of what was happening to her. We see her confusion and it is hard not to sympathise and empathise with her, as she’s just a CHILD.

The abuse slowly intensified, to the point where the Author was almost raped by the Imam one evening. And even though another Imam became aware of the abuse that day of the attempted rape, he did nothing to ensure Nabila’s safety or do something to ensure that the abuse stopped and that the Imam was reported to the Police. He was an adult – another Imam – yet he too remained silent about the abuse. So bottom line, none of the adults supported Nabila nor did they do anything to stop the abuse from happening. They, like the Imam, betrayed Nabila’s trust.

Nabila’s parents later found out about the abuse, but made no attempt to confront the Imam nor report the abuse. Such a shame! It is so important that victims of abuse are emotionally supported by their parents because the manner in which the adults react to the child’s disclosure is an important factor in influencing how the child comes to view the abuse and his or her own role in it. Being believed and having family support can help the child to cope and adjust, and can decrease some of the traumatic emotional/ psychological impact of sexual abuse on a child’s life. And so, it was sad to learn how her parent’s responded after learning of the abuse. Instead, the abuse was swept under the carpet.

Nabila carried a lot of guilt into her adult life because she blamed herself for the abuse even though she knew it was wrong – somehow she felt it was her fault and that she let her family down. But later on we learn that as a result of the counselling she received, she was able to come to terms with the fact that the abuse was not her fault. She was just a child and the Imam was the adult who abused his position, power and trust.



Self-harm/Self-injury

Children frequently find it extremely hard to talk about what is happening to them, especially when they’ve been told to keep the abuse a secret or have been subjected to coercion, bribery or threats.

Years of abuse had traumatic psychological effect on Nabila, and the effects manifested themselves in many ways. For instance, we learn of her struggles with self-harm to cope with the abuse because of the painful and difficult emotions she was feeling and experiencing. Afterall, she was living with no ordinary secret, and keeping the abuse a secret for many years made coping with the abuse even more difficult.



Life after the Abuse

Even though the book’s main theme is sexual abuse, the Author also writes about her life after the abuse, from the deteriorating relationship and interactions with her parents and siblings, dealing with panick attacks and hearing voices brought on by stress , the death of her parents, her mother’s plan to have her and her Sikh boyfriend killed, her drinking, smoking and partying with friends – to being in and out of an abusive relationship.

Nabila recalls that she felt she had moved on and dealt with the abuse and buried it deep down inside, but she clearly hadn’t. Flashbacks of the abuse kept resurfacing. The Author also talks about the guilt she felt by remaining silent about the abuse. She feared that the Imam would abuse other girls. She needed closer – she needed to know where he was. Was he dead or alive? And if he was alive, was he abusing other girls? These thoughts continued to haunt her. And so, with the help of her boyfriend, she decided to conduct a search for the Imam.

She later reported the abuse to the Police. “I done it, I’d told the Police. I’d carried my secret for an agonising twenty-eight years, but now it was over – the secret wasn’t mine to keep any longer… I don’t” know if justice will be done; I don’t know if the Police will find him. But I had to tell, not just for me but for all the countless other children who are still too frightened to speak out… I refuse to be silenced any longer. I need to find my voice and, finally, here it is [referring to her book]. And finally, she says that writing this book has been a therapeutic experience and it has helped her to come to terms with everything she’s been through. “No longer am I seven-year-old Nabila, the frightened little child who thought no one would believe her. I’m stronger than the imam now. For many years I was the victim, but not anymore…”

I think those are powerful and inspiring words. Powerful realisation! By telling and sharing her story, she became empowered, and has taken back control over her life despite the abuse and the challenges she faced along the way. Those words remind us that no matter what we’ve been through, that with the right amount of support and self-belief, we can overcome anything.



Why did the Author write this book?

In the last few paragraphs, the Author explains why she wrote Brutal. On page 293, she says, “… I want my children to be proud of me. I want them to know I am the mum who spoke out against the most powerful man in the Muslim community. That’s why I’ve written this book. I want my story in the public domain because, by speaking about it, we can stop child abuse from happening within all families and all communities.”

I would recommend this book to parents, child protection professionals, those working directly with children and or with families; and even young adolescents and teenagers.

[Etsha Sarnie · Rating 5 out of 5]

Nabila Sharma, seorang gadis asal Pakistan yang tinggal di Inggris berusia 7 tahun kala dia mulai belajar agama. Berawal dari “murid pilihan”, julukan yang disematkan pada Nabila karena dia selalu mendapat tugas spesial dari guru agamanya sehingga menghindarkan dia dari hukuman yang diterima oleh anak-anak yang lain, tetapi lama-kelamaan tugas spesial itu terasa aneh, sampai akhirnya sang guru agama melakukan perbuatan tidak senonoh pada Nabila. Nabila saat itu tidak mampu berbuat apa-apa, karena sang guru agama merupakan orang terpandang dan dihormati oleh masyarakat sehingga bila ia bercerita tentu akan mempermalukan keluarganya dan Nabila harus mengalami penderitaan itu selama lebih dari 5 tahun, hingga akhirnya dia berhasil memberanikan diri menulis buku ini.
Brutal, sesuai dengan judul buku ini menceritakan kisah sebenarnya bagaimana kebrutalan seorang guru agama dalam merenggut kepolosan seorang gadis kecil yang merupakan muridnya sendiri. Dengan menggunakan sudut pandang orang pertama dan alur maju, Nabila menceritakan dari awal bagaimana ia mulai bersekolah agama, mengalami penderitaan karena dilecehkan oleh gurunya sendiri, dan berusaha keluar dari penderitaan itu sampai akhirnya ia menemukan cinta dan harapannya yang sejati. Tentunya Nabila berharap dengan adanya buku ini dapat menginspirasi terutama mereka yang mengalami hal sama agar memiliki keberanian dan jangan merasa bahwa mereka sendirian.
“Menulis buku ini menjadi pengalaman yang menyembuhkan, buku ini menolongku menghadapi semua yang telah kulalui. Aku tidak lagi menjadi Nabila yang berusia 7 tahun, anak kecil ketakutan yang berpikir tidak seorang pun akan mempercayainya. Sekarang aku lebih kuat dari sang ustadz. Selama sekian tahun ini aku menjadi korban, tapi kini tidak lagi” – Brutal halm 310.

[Etsha Sarnie · Rating 5 out of 5]

Nabila Sharma, seorang gadis asal Pakistan yang tinggal di Inggris berusia 7 tahun kala dia mulai belajar agama. Berawal dari “murid pilihan”, julukan yang disematkan pada Nabila karena dia selalu mendapat tugas spesial dari guru agamanya sehingga menghindarkan dia dari hukuman yang diterima oleh anak-anak yang lain, tetapi lama-kelamaan tugas spesial itu terasa aneh, sampai akhirnya sang guru agama melakukan perbuatan tidak senonoh pada Nabila. Nabila saat itu tidak mampu berbuat apa-apa, karena sang guru agama merupakan orang terpandang dan dihormati oleh masyarakat sehingga bila ia bercerita tentu akan mempermalukan keluarganya dan Nabila harus mengalami penderitaan itu selama lebih dari 5 tahun, hingga akhirnya dia berhasil memberanikan diri menulis buku ini.

Brutal, sesuai dengan judul buku ini menceritakan kisah sebenarnya bagaimana kebrutalan seorang guru agama dalam merenggut kepolosan seorang gadis kecil yang merupakan muridnya sendiri. Dengan menggunakan sudut pandang orang pertama dan alur maju, Nabila menceritakan dari awal bagaimana ia mulai bersekolah agama, mengalami penderitaan karena dilecehkan oleh gurunya sendiri, dan berusaha keluar dari penderitaan itu sampai akhirnya ia menemukan cinta dan harapannya yang sejati. Tentunya Nabila berharap dengan adanya buku ini dapat menginspirasi terutama mereka yang mengalami hal sama agar memiliki keberanian dan jangan merasa bahwa mereka sendirian.

“Menulis buku ini menjadi pengalaman yang menyembuhkan, buku ini menolongku menghadapi semua yang telah kulalui. Aku tidak lagi menjadi Nabila yang berusia 7 tahun, anak kecil ketakutan yang berpikir tidak seorang pun akan mempercayainya. Sekarang aku lebih kuat dari sang ustadz. Selama sekian tahun ini aku menjadi korban, tapi kini tidak lagi” – Brutal halm 310.

[James L Bonine · Rating 5 out of 5]

Well written and frank

I appreciate the courage it took this author to write in such retail what was perpetrated upon her by someone in a position of trust. She was able to convey the helplessness and shame felt at such an early age. Unfortunately, there were signs that something was wrong but the child did not feel safe enough to verbalize what was going on and so it progressively worsened over five years. Cultural norms played a part in the child not feeling free to reveal the sexual abuse and even when the parents were made aware of a part of it from a third party, they never asked their child about it but exhibited shame and acted like they wanted to sweep it under the carpet. They didn't want to insult the imam. It followed her into her adult life and she finally sought counselling and reported it to the authorities. This book shows how she was able to finally start to heal after a horrific childhood ordeal. Good read.

[Craig Rife · Rating 5 out of 5]

Such horrific child abuse!

This book was so hard to read because of the horrible things done to writer by someone you should be able to trust above anyone, your pastor, minister, priest, or any other holy man who leads you in whatever religion you practice. I had to keep laying this book down over and over because I would be getting so angry about the atrocities committed on this child and the ones who were supposed to protect their child but just swept it under the rug! Thank you, Nabila, for your bravery in speaking out God bless you in every way for the rest of your life!

[Robin Norman · Rating 4 out of 5]

Nabila Sharma, berusia 7 tahun ketika dikirim Ayah dan Ibunya untuk mengaji di masjid yang dipimpin oleh seorang Ustad. Seorang yang dipercaya karena keilmuannya malah mengorek luka yang dalam pada Nabila. Hidup di komunitas tertentu membuat Ayah dan Ibunya tidak mampu untuk melindungi anaknya yang dilecehkan Ustad selama 5 tahun dia mengaji di masjid itu. Dia membawa trauma itu sampai berumur 32 tahun dan baru memiliki keberanian untuk menceritakan lukanya pada polisi dan psikolog setelah bertemu Robert.

[Lisa-Jaine · Rating 4 out of 5]

Absolutely heart wrenching. Not only did this "man of god" abuse his trust he stole Nabila's innocence, but also destroyed her faith and religion for her. she felt unable to tell her family because of the Muslim tendency to view it as shame brought on the family and felt utterly alone. Her mother didn't seem interested in her and was always too busy looking after the family. I hope this book helps others.

[Sandra K. Rodriguez · Rating 5 out of 5]

Wow! Just wow!

This book is so unbelievable that I had to go back to the beginning to make sure it was true! Poor little Nabila was sexually abused for years, starting at age seven, by one of the highest ranking religious figures is the Muslim sector. He forced her to do unspeakable things with him, and she was terrified to tell anyone because she feared they would not believe her. This book was very well written, is smooth flowing, and very interesting!

[Katri-Helena Allas · Rating 5 out of 5]

Kohutavalt hästi kirjutanud, aga nii sünge raamat, et pidevalt mõtlesin, miks ma seda loen, aga käest ka ei suutnud panna. Tõeliselt julmad kirjeldused lapse väärkohtlemisest, mida tegi moslemi kogukonna autoriteetseim isik - imaam. Samas on meil vaja nendest ebameeldivatest teemadest ka rääkida, et me oskaksime tähele panna ja aidata lapsi samasuguses olukorras. Autor on teinud ääretult raske, ent tõsiselt tänuväärse töö selle teema tahkude esile toomiseks.

[Aysha A · Rating 5 out of 5]

I read this book years ago. I was 12-13 when I first read it and I’m now 23. I’ve still not forgotten it. It was incredibly written. And as a young Muslim girl at the time reading this it’s like the story became alive instantly.

[Amal Amalina · Rating 3 out of 5]

The storyline is monotone, slow and boring at first. The climax is a bit tad late.
However, I felt so angry with the main character.

[Stefennie · Rating 3 out of 5]

Quite an upsetting read

[Shakira Dunkley · Rating 5 out of 5]

awesome , so touching yo

[Rebecca Fowkes · Rating 5 out of 5]

A brilliant book, definitely recommend reading it.

[Raquel Cruz · Rating 5 out of 5]

Heartbreaking. It gives you another perspective for sexual child abuse. Really recommend.

[Risca · Rating 5 out of 5]

Buku ini menurutku cukup menguras emosi. Anak perempuan usia 7 tahun yang dilecehkan oleh Ustadz pengajarnya di Mesjid. Kisah Nabila membuat kita menyadari pentingnya pendidikan seks pada anak, mengimbau kita semua terutama orangtua untuk lebih peka dan lebih percaya pada anak. Bukan malah menyalahkannya saat mengetahui ia telah dilecehkan. Pokonya buku ini sangat rekomendasi.

[Syuhada · Rating 5 out of 5]

It was a good book with a very heavy message. I can feel the struggle of Nabila throughout the book, i found it hard to read it since i felt so disgusted by the imam. After all, it is important to expose this paedophile cases to the society so they can get the awareness for their families and the communities. It is saddening that the little ones got treated like this, how can people have guts to take advantage of these weak kids.

[Tracey Corbett · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book is so sad. It also gives you an insight into the Muslim community and family life which if we are all honest, we don't know much about. This is about the betrayal of a little girl by one of the people she should trust the most. Then when this stops she has to deal with other problems... She is a true inspiration and this book is well worth a read, truly heart breaking.

[Annemarie · Rating 4 out of 5]

Wat een heftig verhaal! Wat zal Nabila zich eenzaam en alleen gevoeld hebben al die jaren. Zij moest machteloos dit misbruik door een gerespecteerd iemand binnen de moslim gemeenschap ondergaan, afschuwelijk. Knap dat zij uiteindelijk de stap heeft durven zetten om aangifte te doen en haar verhaal te vertellen!

[Afinie Syahirunnisaa · Rating 4 out of 5]

A very good book indeed . I could feel her pain somehow . So girls, please stand up for your own rights , let your voice out , protect yourself even if there is no one on your side. But I dislike how the author doesn't show the beauty of Islam . That's all.

[feastoftales · Rating 2 out of 5]

I really don't want to disrespect the author in anyway but I really don't know what to say about this book I got very frustrated by it, but all negatively aside I do sympathize her, no child should go through that horrific ordeal.

[Anni Bocus]

how to read the books?

[Samantha Kukuljan · Rating 4 out of 5]

A very honest and heartbreaking autobiography.

There is a serious intertwining of the neglect from her family after the incident with the iman and the actual abuse.