This was the first “people of the sea” book that I read and I was excited to read something different. The plot sounded interesting and it really could have been a terrific book but the whole thing was executed so poorly that I wondered if anyone actually read this book over and gave the author any advice on how to make it better?
One question that really bothered me throughout this book is: Why is the character named “Ever”? It is an uncommon name, yet we get no explanation to the oddity of having a name like that.
Even though we spend the entire novel inside of her head, I do not feel as though I know her, nor do I really care about her. She has no depth, she is shallow, boring, self-absorbed, makes no sense and has strange reactions to some events (ex: Ever puts on a school mascot shirt, knowing that her BFF Gabbi would get a kick out of it. When Gabbi sees it, she doubles over in laughter (another strange reaction by a character) and Ever stares at her quizzically – wondering why Gabbi finds the shirt so funny. Ever knows why Gabbi finds it funny – she mentioned it after she put the shirt on!).
The novel is told in the first person, present tense and the writing is awkward. Dialogue is choppy and boring. At times, it is completely unnecessary and doesn’t add much to the plot.
There are many grammatical, punctuation (missing marks, wrong marks inserted, too many commas, not enough commas, no question marks when needed, no periods when needed), spelling and formatting mistakes throughout the book. There are missing words, run-on sentences, sentences that need to be broken up and made into two or three sentences and sentences that need to be reworded so that they make sense (Example #1: ‘I sit on the computer’- is she really sitting on top of the computer because that was how I read it. Example #2: She tells me with downturned eyes shaking her head – are her eyes actually shaking the woman’s head?)
The novel lacks excitement, thrill, real fear and suspense. I had no reaction to when anything “major” happened because the author was so nonchalant about everything that she wrote.
It feels as though this is a first draft and the author just wanted to get it out there without the benefit of having an editor take a run through.
The author repeats information over and over again, making me wonder if she thinks that the reader cannot remember basic facts (like James is Ever’s younger brother) or that she has not read through the book to take out the repetitive information. It felt like that information was added in there to refresh the author’s memory while writing the novel. Also, the author tends to repeat information in sentences that are close to one another (sometimes, the author repeats words that were just written in a previous sentence – these clearly could have been rewritten to sound better).
The author should have worked harder on this plot. Many things just do not make sense. I do not understand why mer-people have "wills", why some people can do certain things and others can't. None of this is explained very well. It’s like: “look over there, see those swings moving? I did that.” Yeah, okay. So the fact that you have telekinesis makes you a mer-person? Why? What does telekinesis have to do with mer-people?
Here are some other examples of things that did not make sense in the story:
Error: page 169 – Back in Amber’s dwelling, Ever asks her if she could have air. Amber makes the water go away and then Ever “wills” her legs to come back. Amber starts to speak but Ever does not let her finish. “I swim to the room with the blue blanket and close the door.” Why would Ever have to swim to the room? She has legs and the room is now filled with air, not water! She should have just walked to the room!
Pages 172-173: Ever is discussing her recurring dream with Amber and Ever tells her that in her dream, Jack is in a cave. Amber says, “I have never heard of someone having “wills” within their dreams. That displays… a lot of power.” – since when did Ever display any sort of “wills” in her dreams? She has been having premonitions. I would never consider that a “will” unless I am missing something. And while I am on the subject of “wills”, I have yet to see anything amazing coming from Ever. Yeah, she can clear a small, circular area of sea grass to reveal only sand, she can immediately call a school of fish to her side in an instant and she can use her arms to raise large objects. Big whoop. Nothing dramatic there.
Page 173: Ever is thinking: I am not familiar with the California landscape, but I’m guessing Jack parked his car near the beach and hiked up into the mountains nearby, that overlooked the ocean.” – didn’t Ever see Jack’s car when she parked her car at the beach? YES! On page 141 – “I pull into a spot at the same beach as the last two visits. I glance around and spot the familiar yellow car. My heart skips a few beats. I get out, leaving the jeep on, and run over to the car to look inside the windows. Everything looks the same with one thing missing, Jack.”
But here is a stupid question. The last time Ever saw Jack was when they were both at the lake and those boys with the yellow eyes were coming after him. Ever was told to swim off and while Jack was “willing” rocks to be thrown unsuccessfully at the boys. Then, all three of them disappeared. How the heck did Jack’s car get to the beach, all the way in California when he was supposedly kidnapped from wherever the heck Ever is living??? (Pahrump, Nevada) That did not make any sense when I was first reading it and it makes no sense now, when Ever is “guessing” that Jacked parked his car near the beach.
Run-on sentence: “Bam, right in the chest, there’s that word again, I’m feeling so ashamed.” – page 201
Extra commas: “Except we don’t actually go into the city, as we near the immense structures that I still can’t believe, exist under water, the Erebus takes the lead.” – page 212
Why does Ever constantly “lose energy” whenever she is doing something insignificant or processing information? This happens quite often throughout the story. I would assume that as an avid swimmer, and one who is actually on the swim team, that she would definitely have stamina and the ability to store energy in her body.
What is up with all the "smirking"? The characters seem to do this frequently. One or two times should be enough for a book but it seems as though all the characters have this annoying trait. There were 15 instances in Just Breathe.
I give the author credit for “fulfilling a life-long dream by completing and publishing her first book,” but I don’t think that she actually gave it the completion it deserved. A professional editor should have been consulted to eliminate the spelling, punctuation and grammatical mistakes. Then, the editor could have helped her fix the plot holes and clear up any confusing parts in the story.
I give this book 2.5 stars but I will generously up it to 3 stars, with the hope that these problems will be fixed in the second book.