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Children of the Depressed: Healing the Childhood Wounds That Come from Growing Up with a Depressed Parent
Have you ever wondered, Why am I so negative? or Why is my life so chaotic? Whether or not your parent was ever formally diagnosed with depression, you’ve probably always known there was something different about your upbringing. And even though you’ve grown up and moved on, you may still feel the after-effects of living with your parent’s illness. In Children of the Depressed , a depression expert helps adult children understand and overcome common problems that stem from growing up with a depressed parent, such as poor communication skills and negative self-talk. Using skills and practices rooted in cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT), you will learn to shed the old dynamics and ways of thinking that have been weighing you down and keeping you from enjoying healthy relationships and the life you deserve.
Most books on depression only focus on getting help for the depressed person. This book is written for you, the adult child of parents with who have struggled with depression. You need emotional healing after a dysfunctional childhood, and most importantly―you need an opportunity for your voice to be heard. You don’t have to become stuck in the past. By identifying and recognizing the feelings you experienced at a young age, you will start laying the groundwork for a happier and healthier life―socially, physically, emotionally, and psychologically.
Most books on depression only focus on getting help for the depressed person. This book is written for you, the adult child of parents with who have struggled with depression. You need emotional healing after a dysfunctional childhood, and most importantly―you need an opportunity for your voice to be heard. You don’t have to become stuck in the past. By identifying and recognizing the feelings you experienced at a young age, you will start laying the groundwork for a happier and healthier life―socially, physically, emotionally, and psychologically.
192 pages, Paperback
First published January 1, 2014
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346 people want to read
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Displaying 1 - 12 of 12 reviews
October 16, 2017
This book is likely to be somewhat useful to the target audience. It has some helpful questions to ask yourself in the process of understanding your own experience.
Unfortunately, the actual problems of children of the depressed go far deeper than this book goes. I especially winced at the part that said "Smile". No one should suggest that to these people.
Children of the depressed usually need psychotherapy with an empathetic therapist who can help them recover from the lifelong impact of parents who were just not "there" for them. As adults, they usually think they shouldn't complain because what they suffered wasn't as bad as what some others experienced. They need to know that it was bad enough to have a major impact on their lives and they deserve emotional support and encouragement to grow beyond it.
Unfortunately, the actual problems of children of the depressed go far deeper than this book goes. I especially winced at the part that said "Smile". No one should suggest that to these people.
Children of the depressed usually need psychotherapy with an empathetic therapist who can help them recover from the lifelong impact of parents who were just not "there" for them. As adults, they usually think they shouldn't complain because what they suffered wasn't as bad as what some others experienced. They need to know that it was bad enough to have a major impact on their lives and they deserve emotional support and encouragement to grow beyond it.
March 27, 2014
This is an excellent reference and self-help book for those who grew up with depressed parents. The book identifies symptoms and behavior traits of the depressed. It gives some excellent exercises for healing and looking at the past wounds for the purpose of healing. The author also shows how many adults who lived in a home with a depressed parent will also suffer depression themselves. Therapeutic work is recommended and effective tools are shared. As an adult who grew up with a depressed father and also suffers from depression personally, I wanted to read this book with thoughts of helping my own adult children. I know that my depression had a huge impact on the lives of my children and our family. I recognized my own depression and sought professional help early but it does not negate the effects my children experienced. If you know or suspect that you had a depressed parent, I would highly recommend this book. 5 *****
I received a free copy of this book from netgalley in exchange for my honest review.
I received a free copy of this book from netgalley in exchange for my honest review.
May 23, 2014
I think this is an excellent book for children of depressed parents. Depression runs in my family. It is very important for people to realize depression runs in families and affects the entire family.
Many modern forms of therapy do not stress family histories and I think this leaves people perplexed on why they have so many psychological issues. The book does an excellent job describing the problems that children of depressed parents have and I think it is very valuable for these children tor realize that they are not alone or unique in their problems. Realizing that depression runs in families and effects the entire family helps victims of depression and their families realize that depression is not a character flaw.
The book does a better job in addressing the issues of children of depressed parents than coming up with a solution for them. However, this is not a criticism of the book. Healing is a slow and complex process. Problems need to be correctly identified before they can be solved.
Many modern forms of therapy do not stress family histories and I think this leaves people perplexed on why they have so many psychological issues. The book does an excellent job describing the problems that children of depressed parents have and I think it is very valuable for these children tor realize that they are not alone or unique in their problems. Realizing that depression runs in families and effects the entire family helps victims of depression and their families realize that depression is not a character flaw.
The book does a better job in addressing the issues of children of depressed parents than coming up with a solution for them. However, this is not a criticism of the book. Healing is a slow and complex process. Problems need to be correctly identified before they can be solved.
December 22, 2020
It is so hard to find books on this topic. I always felt so alone in my childhood due to my mother’s depression and it felt like nobody understood what it was like to grow up that way. When I started this book I felt like it was written just for me. I felt understood and sobbed pretty much the entire way through it. HIGHLY recommend to anyone who grew up with a depressed parent. Take it slowly because it can definitely be emotionally depleting.
December 16, 2017
Insightful and helpful and highly recommended
Reading this book really helped me put things into perspective and feel less isolated. Growing up I felt like my Sister and I were the only people experiencing all that comes with having a depressed parent, and it made me feel shame and guilt and resentment. Reading other peoples stories and learning about their journeys living with similar impacts and behaviours was enlightening. I have always had a tendency to lie and I always thought there was something wrong with me, but reading that this behaviour resulted from living with a depressed parent was a revelation. I have done a lot of work in therapy and this book really helped to cement all that work. The practical elements of the book are really accessible and easy to follow and also incredibly effective. Highly recommended
Reading this book really helped me put things into perspective and feel less isolated. Growing up I felt like my Sister and I were the only people experiencing all that comes with having a depressed parent, and it made me feel shame and guilt and resentment. Reading other peoples stories and learning about their journeys living with similar impacts and behaviours was enlightening. I have always had a tendency to lie and I always thought there was something wrong with me, but reading that this behaviour resulted from living with a depressed parent was a revelation. I have done a lot of work in therapy and this book really helped to cement all that work. The practical elements of the book are really accessible and easy to follow and also incredibly effective. Highly recommended
June 2, 2014
I grew up in a home where one of my parents was depressed. And I will go into my personal analytics another day. For the purposes of this book recommendation, I will disclose that in the twelve years since moving out on my own, I have done A LOT of work on myself to get past the circumstances of my childhood. That does not only include having a depressed parent. Much work was done in the first seven years, prior to having my first child. I thought I was cured.
But alas, not exactly. I had yet to be truly tested.
I picked up Children of the Depressed by Shoshana S. Bennett because I am basically going crazy trying to figure out why I can’t handle my kids— i.e. I get angry, I isolate myself etc. (One thing I do have under control is, I do not name call or make fun of them. It seems simple, but for me it was a very conscious decision when I became an adult not to use those weapons in combat).
What I discovered in this book, is a cohesive collection of all the work I have already done. Those who are angry, ashamed or depressed themselves are the starting points to healing outlined in this book. Though this is not me, starting at the beginning is the right place to start—as if you were just emerging from this family situation, or if you have not realized the reasons behind your attitudes/ behaviours to this point in life.
I did not agree with everything the author had to say, but she is amenable to that idea and says so in her book. The best way to use a compilation of experience such as this, is to seriously consider what will work for you, and do everything you can to get what you need to get out of it. If you don’t feel confident in your subjectivity, read it with a friend, or spouse. But then commit to listening to what they have to say.
I did glean a few gems for my own growth, such as the most likely reason why I feel a bit socially awkward, and confirmation that the skills that I possess because of my childhood are the same skills that make my life abundantly better today.
I also got a kernel of wisdom to work diligently on, the exact reason I picked up this book in the first place: a reminder that I am too focused on my own needs. I know this is why my kids grate on my nerves— I am trying to do my own thing, get things done; while I should be just hanging out with them, playing with them.
Anyone who feels like a depressed parent may have been in the picture as they grew up (sometimes you don’t realize it until you really sit down to think, other times it is obvious), should consider reading this book. It will be most enlightening to those near the beginning of their healing journey, or those who feel like they have not gotten any traction on the work they have done to change and heal.
However, as in my case, even though I have worked at it, studied, been counselled and mentored and prayed for, prayed myself, journalled and talked with my parents etc etc etc already, I still managed to pull valuable fragments from these pages to begin implementing a strategy for the biggest most meaningful piece of my own personal unmastered puzzle: treating my children right. And I would be willing to bet that if you are open to being honest with yourself, you will find some very important reminders for your own life journey too.
Find other reviews and bookish thoughts at www.bookmusings.com
I received this book through Net Galley for review purposes.
But alas, not exactly. I had yet to be truly tested.
I picked up Children of the Depressed by Shoshana S. Bennett because I am basically going crazy trying to figure out why I can’t handle my kids— i.e. I get angry, I isolate myself etc. (One thing I do have under control is, I do not name call or make fun of them. It seems simple, but for me it was a very conscious decision when I became an adult not to use those weapons in combat).
What I discovered in this book, is a cohesive collection of all the work I have already done. Those who are angry, ashamed or depressed themselves are the starting points to healing outlined in this book. Though this is not me, starting at the beginning is the right place to start—as if you were just emerging from this family situation, or if you have not realized the reasons behind your attitudes/ behaviours to this point in life.
I did not agree with everything the author had to say, but she is amenable to that idea and says so in her book. The best way to use a compilation of experience such as this, is to seriously consider what will work for you, and do everything you can to get what you need to get out of it. If you don’t feel confident in your subjectivity, read it with a friend, or spouse. But then commit to listening to what they have to say.
I did glean a few gems for my own growth, such as the most likely reason why I feel a bit socially awkward, and confirmation that the skills that I possess because of my childhood are the same skills that make my life abundantly better today.
I also got a kernel of wisdom to work diligently on, the exact reason I picked up this book in the first place: a reminder that I am too focused on my own needs. I know this is why my kids grate on my nerves— I am trying to do my own thing, get things done; while I should be just hanging out with them, playing with them.
Anyone who feels like a depressed parent may have been in the picture as they grew up (sometimes you don’t realize it until you really sit down to think, other times it is obvious), should consider reading this book. It will be most enlightening to those near the beginning of their healing journey, or those who feel like they have not gotten any traction on the work they have done to change and heal.
However, as in my case, even though I have worked at it, studied, been counselled and mentored and prayed for, prayed myself, journalled and talked with my parents etc etc etc already, I still managed to pull valuable fragments from these pages to begin implementing a strategy for the biggest most meaningful piece of my own personal unmastered puzzle: treating my children right. And I would be willing to bet that if you are open to being honest with yourself, you will find some very important reminders for your own life journey too.
Find other reviews and bookish thoughts at www.bookmusings.com
I received this book through Net Galley for review purposes.
September 10, 2015
I won this book through First Reads giveaways.
The format of this book is very accessible. Though it is organized in chapters, each chapter is broken down into manageable little chunks- including people's stories, exercises to do, and sections of text on topics such as "finding yourself", CBT, and "Living with Maybes". It's a great approach. The personal stories and exercises help the reader to understand the rest of the text and apply/connect it to their own life experience. I read a portion of the "Healing Your Thinking With Scars" section aloud and a friend commented "That's the cheesiest thing I've ever heard". Even she had to admit, though, that it would work. Each letter of SCARS begins the first letter of a step in a new pattern that a person/reader uses to replace his/her more destructive old pattern. That's what a lot of the book is about- accepting and grieving the past, then replacing the bad habits and behaviors it caused with better ones.
The format of this book is very accessible. Though it is organized in chapters, each chapter is broken down into manageable little chunks- including people's stories, exercises to do, and sections of text on topics such as "finding yourself", CBT, and "Living with Maybes". It's a great approach. The personal stories and exercises help the reader to understand the rest of the text and apply/connect it to their own life experience. I read a portion of the "Healing Your Thinking With Scars" section aloud and a friend commented "That's the cheesiest thing I've ever heard". Even she had to admit, though, that it would work. Each letter of SCARS begins the first letter of a step in a new pattern that a person/reader uses to replace his/her more destructive old pattern. That's what a lot of the book is about- accepting and grieving the past, then replacing the bad habits and behaviors it caused with better ones.
April 25, 2014
I didn't realize that if a parent is depressed a child directly or indirectly is affected through to their adulthood and when they to become parent. A startling and fascinating, helps children understand how to cope as a child with depression and how to overcome it. shows how to examine the past, learn from experiences, understand their influences and look forward with strength and resolve and how new learning skills can be taught so that they come out the other side, stronger and a better person.
January 8, 2015
Very helpful in its organization. Good practical examples of situations and ways to deal with them. Not a lot of psychobabble or wordiness. The author really seems to be someone who knows what they are dealing with and how to approach the problem with the average person.
July 25, 2014
Great book for helping to deal with issues that stem from your childhood upbringing. If it doesn't completely help, at least it gives you a better understanding where everything comes from and will force you to get the help you need to overcome the issues you have brought into your adult life.
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May 24, 2016i'll be honest, i have a million library books out right now so i more or less skimmed this one (which is why i'm not putting a date or rating on it), but it definitely looks like a book worth reading more deeply. i'll try to keep it on my radar.
Displaying 1 - 12 of 12 reviews