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Illumination
Adam Craig is burned out. Lead singer of the hard rock band Black Varen, he's tired of the empty life of groupies, paparazzi, and hotel rooms. Worse, a life in the closet. After the final concert of their latest tour, he flees the after-party in pursuit of memories of lost summers and carefree days, until he passes out on the patio of a shuttered lake resort.
Miles Caldwell is a brilliant artist, tied by agoraphobia and social anxiety to his family's lodge. Alone but for his parrot, he spends his days illuminating manuscripts and hiding from the complexities of life. When he discovers Adam asleep in a deck chair, he's furious but intrigued. Adam soon charms his way into Miles' bed, and they lose themselves in a summer idyll, safe from the compromises and claims of reality.
But Adam's life, with all its demands, is waiting for him. And Miles, uncertain of Adam's true feelings, is battling demons of his own. Somehow, the man who's never home and the man who never leaves it must find the strength to fight for a future together.
Miles Caldwell is a brilliant artist, tied by agoraphobia and social anxiety to his family's lodge. Alone but for his parrot, he spends his days illuminating manuscripts and hiding from the complexities of life. When he discovers Adam asleep in a deck chair, he's furious but intrigued. Adam soon charms his way into Miles' bed, and they lose themselves in a summer idyll, safe from the compromises and claims of reality.
But Adam's life, with all its demands, is waiting for him. And Miles, uncertain of Adam's true feelings, is battling demons of his own. Somehow, the man who's never home and the man who never leaves it must find the strength to fight for a future together.
307 pages, Kindle Edition
First published September 28, 2013
8 people are currently reading
859 people want to read
About the author
Rowan Speedwell
21 books403 followersAn unrepentant biblioholic, Rowan Speedwell spends half her time pretending to be a law librarian, half her time pretending to be a database manager, half her time pretending to be a fifteenth-century Aragonese noblewoman, half her time… wait a minute… hmm. Well, one thing she doesn't pretend to be is good at math. She is good at pretending, though.
In her copious spare time (hah) she does needlework, calligraphy and illumination, and makes jewelry. She has a master's degree in history from the University of Chicago, is a member of the Society for Creative Anachronism, and lives in a Chicago suburb with the obligatory Writer's Cat and way too many books.
In her copious spare time (hah) she does needlework, calligraphy and illumination, and makes jewelry. She has a master's degree in history from the University of Chicago, is a member of the Society for Creative Anachronism, and lives in a Chicago suburb with the obligatory Writer's Cat and way too many books.
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 174 reviews
October 4, 2013
3.5 stars.***Review posted October 4, 2013
Miles and Adam took a swim…
Most memorable scene of the entire book, at least for me. It's a
So beautiful. That made my heart leap with delight.
I liked it. I really did but a higher rating wouldn't be justified because…well, I can't gush about it like others did. A few days ago I read another book that featured a rock star Metal Heart and Illumination is not as good as Metal Heart. I'm really sorry. I'm especially sorry for my friend Sheri whom I adore for her enthusiasm for this specific book. I would have loved to feel this intense connection that you need to rate a book with five stars. It's very unfortunate that it didn't happen for me.
The book title is very apt and provides plenty of connotations and I really liked the calligraphy. Miles is an awesome artist. He is also an artist with many issues. Since twelve years he is suffering from agoraphobia and lives a lonely and asocial life as a hermit at a rundown cottage surrounded by a lake and trees.
Up until the 70 % mark the story went rather quietly, like water that bubbled gently. What I found irritating was the fact that Adam and Miles didn't address the big elephant in the room. Meaning, I wanted them to have THE talk. Instead I had to accept that Adam treated the topic with I got it that Miles wasn't good with words. Still, I must say it was such a disappointment that their talks were (mostly) superficial. Yeah, evade the difficult subject matter as often as possible. Besides, Miles wasn't the only one who had to deal with issues. Adam's "recreational" problem should have been addressed considerably deeper. The resolution wasn't satisfying enough and was way too convenient for my liking. I guess that's exactly my problem with this book. While there was so much potential, the execution fell a bit flat for me; there wasn't enough depth and not enough character and plot development. I'm just not satisfied anymore with scratching the surface of an interesting and severe subject matter. I need more.
Don't let my concerns put you off though. I'm sure that many readers will love this book. Happy reading!
http://baba.booklikes.com
Miles and Adam took a swim…
Most memorable scene of the entire book, at least for me. It's a
Do you know what I mean when I say I miss you?
Do you know what this hole in my chest signifies?
I'm standing in the rain, my heart in my hands
Just waiting for you to know what I mean
What I mean when I say I miss you
So beautiful. That made my heart leap with delight.
"Hey, ain't your fault. You were born gay-- had to practice bein' a dick. I saw punch him earlier from upstairs. That was a fuckin' great punch."
I liked it. I really did but a higher rating wouldn't be justified because…well, I can't gush about it like others did. A few days ago I read another book that featured a rock star Metal Heart and Illumination is not as good as Metal Heart. I'm really sorry. I'm especially sorry for my friend Sheri whom I adore for her enthusiasm for this specific book. I would have loved to feel this intense connection that you need to rate a book with five stars. It's very unfortunate that it didn't happen for me.
The book title is very apt and provides plenty of connotations and I really liked the calligraphy. Miles is an awesome artist. He is also an artist with many issues. Since twelve years he is suffering from agoraphobia and lives a lonely and asocial life as a hermit at a rundown cottage surrounded by a lake and trees.
Up until the 70 % mark the story went rather quietly, like water that bubbled gently. What I found irritating was the fact that Adam and Miles didn't address the big elephant in the room. Meaning, I wanted them to have THE talk. Instead I had to accept that Adam treated the topic with I got it that Miles wasn't good with words. Still, I must say it was such a disappointment that their talks were (mostly) superficial. Yeah, evade the difficult subject matter as often as possible. Besides, Miles wasn't the only one who had to deal with issues. Adam's "recreational" problem should have been addressed considerably deeper. The resolution wasn't satisfying enough and was way too convenient for my liking. I guess that's exactly my problem with this book. While there was so much potential, the execution fell a bit flat for me; there wasn't enough depth and not enough character and plot development. I'm just not satisfied anymore with scratching the surface of an interesting and severe subject matter. I need more.
Don't let my concerns put you off though. I'm sure that many readers will love this book. Happy reading!
I see your face…every place…
http://baba.booklikes.com
October 6, 2013
I think I'm going to have to add Rowan Speedwell to my "auto-buy" author's shelf. Her work has been consistently fabulous for me. This book was angsty, interesting, and really well researched. Job well done, Ms. Speedwell!
Let me just start by saying that I LOVED, loved Miles. Geeky, awkward, sexy, smart- Rowan, are you reading my mind!? I wanted to alternatively save and bang Miles. Sure, he is riddled with issues and has enough emotional and psychological problems to fill a textbook, but I kind of wanted to steal him anyway. As a character, he was meticulously thought out and consistently depicted through the entire story. He was awesome.
Adam grew on me but I had a harder time "getting" him as a character. I feel like I got a good sense for him in the end but it took a while.
The secondary characters were brilliant for me. The sister was just perfect. Not harpy, really relatable, and a great female character in an M/M. Doug and Bobby were... just loved. I really liked how their relationship with Miles was so complex. I got it, and I got how it affected each of them individually.
Guys, if you like rocker romances, for sure buy this book. Even if you don't, like me, this book is a total winner thanks to Rowan Speedwell's fabulous skills.
**Copy provided by the publisher in exchange for an honest review**
Let me just start by saying that I LOVED, loved Miles. Geeky, awkward, sexy, smart- Rowan, are you reading my mind!? I wanted to alternatively save and bang Miles. Sure, he is riddled with issues and has enough emotional and psychological problems to fill a textbook, but I kind of wanted to steal him anyway. As a character, he was meticulously thought out and consistently depicted through the entire story. He was awesome.
Adam grew on me but I had a harder time "getting" him as a character. I feel like I got a good sense for him in the end but it took a while.
The secondary characters were brilliant for me. The sister was just perfect. Not harpy, really relatable, and a great female character in an M/M. Doug and Bobby were... just loved. I really liked how their relationship with Miles was so complex. I got it, and I got how it affected each of them individually.
Guys, if you like rocker romances, for sure buy this book. Even if you don't, like me, this book is a total winner thanks to Rowan Speedwell's fabulous skills.
**Copy provided by the publisher in exchange for an honest review**
September 27, 2013
Severely shattered. Overcoming obstacles. Powerful passion.
Have you ever come across a book that you wanted to slip into?
Sure, I’ve stumbled upon gorgeous fantasy worlds that I would love to escape into, but I mean a story that called you? Beckoned you?
I just did.
I felt a need, a pull, and a desire to make like Alice in her ‘Wonderland’ and jump into the pages of this story. I need to crush Miles into one of my hugs and tell him it’s going to be okay. I must shake Adam by his shoulders and insist he get his head on straight. And I have got to steal Lisa, whisk her away for a spa weekend or to a secluded island with white sand.
Illumination soared near the top of my favorite list and let me tell you why….
An unexpected guest invades a secreted safe haven.
The intruder finds the solace he’s searching for in a pair of strong arms. A few weeks of bliss ultimately comes to an end. Can this summer fling really last the impossible challenges ahead?
Miles
A brilliant artist, a grumpy hermit, and he’s desperately trying to reclaim his life; a life presently controlled by despair and torment. At the tender age of 25 he was struck by a tragedy that robbed him of three of his most precious things. A decade later it would be an understatement to say his recovery is still ongoing. Frozen by fear he seeks refuge from the outside world by hiding away at his family’s lodge. The only bonds holding him together are; his sister Lisa (a savior), Grace (his remarkable parrot), a pair of best friends (that know him better than he knows himself), and of course, his art.
Adam
Lead singer in a ‘light’ rock band, he is living the dream. Sadly, it’s not his dream. Forced to follow the rules, he is playing the part that suits his career best. As he succumbs to the expected lifestyle of a star his misery spreads and soon he finds himself running. He slips into a pleasant slice of his childhood, the lake resort his family use to vacation at before divorce split them apart, and finds himself overcome by desire. Drawn to a challenging and difficult man he is determined to take the hard road and try to be together. If only the biggest obstacle wasn’t the object of desire, he just might be successful.
Years of pain and fear have locked Miles in a complex and intricate prison, and Adam holds the only key. Both are far from perfect, but together they are one step closer. They ‘get’ each other, despite Miles struggles and united they create a blazing passion (Ooo, and lucky us, prepare to be scorched with a video that singed my kindle!).
I was initially put off with Bobby’s ummm, gift I suppose I could say, but as things progressed I understood the why’s behind it. I don’t have a lot of love for Evie, but then again I’m fairly certain her fan club is pretty small.
Not short on angst, yet it was equally paced with ecstasy. The writing is meticulous, the emotions are intense, and the characters stole my heart. A beautiful love story that warmed me deeply, and I am hopeful you too, will find them just as enchanting.
4.5 angsty-addicting-aching stars*
October 11, 2013
**Mild Spoilers**
He held his emotions so close to the surface, so honest, so open.
Illumination is a story about two opposite men, from two completely different worlds, that manage to find each other and form an unbreakable connection.
Adam, a lead singer of a famous rock band, comes from a very public and loud life style. He finds himself seeking solitude, away from the chaos of an after party, surrounded by people only seeing him for his fame. Winds up at Indian lake, where he used to visit as a child, remembering happy memories he shared with family and friends. High and drunk from the substances he partook at the party, Adam seeks shelter on a cottage porch, near the lake.
Miles, a hermit that hasn't left his house in 10 years, lives a very antisocial life consisting of work, his bird Grace and the weekly visit from his sister Lisa. Comfortable in following his usual daily routine, Miles is very surprised and angry to find a stranger sleeping on the chase on his porch. And from there, everything changes for Adam and Miles.
Attraction, understanding of each other and the need for genuine companionship, leads Adam and Miles to form a deep connection, rendering them inseparable, even when it’s impossible to continue on together
The intimacy shared between Adam and Miles, was different to what I expected. It was like the two exchanged roles. Adam showed a more vulnerable side, giving in to the pleasure of being with Miles. While Miles, seemed more in control of the intimacy, in a way dominant. Leading the way with confidences, where he’s usual self is more reserved and unsure.
Miles and Adam experience the hardship of separation. With Adam committed to his career and responsibilities, and Miles fear and reasons for not being able to leave his home on the lake (which I won’t spoil), leaves both with no choice but to lead separate lives.
I felt for both of these men, the pain Adam felt from Miles pushing him away and cutting communication off. To Miles, feeling confusion on where he stands with Adam, and seeking ways to protect himself from the hurt of Adam forgetting him.
Miles and Adam's story, is a sweet and likable read. I really enjoyed the chemistry and love between the characters. And was engaged and intrigued from the beginning to end.
My only issue would have to be the word 'dude'. I usually don't mind things like that, but in this case, I felt it made the characters seem...immature. I would have loved to read about Miles But I also understand that it wasn't possible for him to cope with changes like that.
Well mates this was a great read and I'm thinking you should check it out xx
ARC provided by NetGalley and Riptide in exchange for an honest review.
He held his emotions so close to the surface, so honest, so open.
Illumination is a story about two opposite men, from two completely different worlds, that manage to find each other and form an unbreakable connection.
Adam, a lead singer of a famous rock band, comes from a very public and loud life style. He finds himself seeking solitude, away from the chaos of an after party, surrounded by people only seeing him for his fame. Winds up at Indian lake, where he used to visit as a child, remembering happy memories he shared with family and friends. High and drunk from the substances he partook at the party, Adam seeks shelter on a cottage porch, near the lake.
Miles, a hermit that hasn't left his house in 10 years, lives a very antisocial life consisting of work, his bird Grace and the weekly visit from his sister Lisa. Comfortable in following his usual daily routine, Miles is very surprised and angry to find a stranger sleeping on the chase on his porch. And from there, everything changes for Adam and Miles.
Attraction, understanding of each other and the need for genuine companionship, leads Adam and Miles to form a deep connection, rendering them inseparable, even when it’s impossible to continue on together
The intimacy shared between Adam and Miles, was different to what I expected. It was like the two exchanged roles. Adam showed a more vulnerable side, giving in to the pleasure of being with Miles. While Miles, seemed more in control of the intimacy, in a way dominant. Leading the way with confidences, where he’s usual self is more reserved and unsure.
Miles and Adam experience the hardship of separation. With Adam committed to his career and responsibilities, and Miles fear and reasons for not being able to leave his home on the lake (which I won’t spoil), leaves both with no choice but to lead separate lives.
I felt for both of these men, the pain Adam felt from Miles pushing him away and cutting communication off. To Miles, feeling confusion on where he stands with Adam, and seeking ways to protect himself from the hurt of Adam forgetting him.
Miles and Adam's story, is a sweet and likable read. I really enjoyed the chemistry and love between the characters. And was engaged and intrigued from the beginning to end.
My only issue would have to be the word 'dude'. I usually don't mind things like that, but in this case, I felt it made the characters seem...immature. I would have loved to read about Miles But I also understand that it wasn't possible for him to cope with changes like that.
Well mates this was a great read and I'm thinking you should check it out xx
ARC provided by NetGalley and Riptide in exchange for an honest review.
September 30, 2013
This one creeps up on you. Adam and Miles are both well-developed MCs. They feel real. When they meet, they have instant chemistry. I was a little put off by this at first, because it was literally, Hello, you're hot, wanna fuck?
But about halfway through, Adam and Miles part ways. Adam is the lead singer of a popular rock band. Miles is an artist, and an agoraphobic recluse. Adam pretends to be bi (his bestie, Evie, serves as a beard of sorts) and buries himself in parties and drugs. Miles is scared to love, because he's scared to lose (he's already lost so much, after an accident left him damaged and orphaned). Then there's Miles' parrot, who screams and cackles and is a full-fledged character in her own right (I loved that damn parrot).
The last half of the book was hard to take, like really goddamnfuckingwhatthefuck kind of hard. I was in agony, silently yelling at Adam to just hop on the next plane to Chicago already and cursing at Miles to get his head out of his ass thankyoumuch and tell Adam that he loves him, misses him, something.
But there's beauty in the suffering, folks. Neither Adam nor Miles was ready to love or be in a relationship at the beginning. They both had to heal and let go of some crap, fix themselves before they could help the other; how can you help someone else heal if you're broken yourself?
And while we do get a HEA (thank ye gods), it's a believable HEA, a slow, sensual dance vs. a mad tap dance performance (OK, there IS a performance at the end, but not tap dancing...just go read the book, and you'll see).
But about halfway through, Adam and Miles part ways. Adam is the lead singer of a popular rock band. Miles is an artist, and an agoraphobic recluse. Adam pretends to be bi (his bestie, Evie, serves as a beard of sorts) and buries himself in parties and drugs. Miles is scared to love, because he's scared to lose (he's already lost so much, after an accident left him damaged and orphaned). Then there's Miles' parrot, who screams and cackles and is a full-fledged character in her own right (I loved that damn parrot).
The last half of the book was hard to take, like really goddamnfuckingwhatthefuck kind of hard. I was in agony, silently yelling at Adam to just hop on the next plane to Chicago already and cursing at Miles to get his head out of his ass thankyoumuch and tell Adam that he loves him, misses him, something.
But there's beauty in the suffering, folks. Neither Adam nor Miles was ready to love or be in a relationship at the beginning. They both had to heal and let go of some crap, fix themselves before they could help the other; how can you help someone else heal if you're broken yourself?
And while we do get a HEA (thank ye gods), it's a believable HEA, a slow, sensual dance vs. a mad tap dance performance (OK, there IS a performance at the end, but not tap dancing...just go read the book, and you'll see).
November 15, 2013
3.5 stars
I was hesitant to read this story. After reading the blurb I thought to myself “this is the same old trope as every other rockstar m/m book I’ve read. Its probably wrought with clichés and sappy one-liners.” And I was right. Except in this case, it worked.
And it was all because of Miles.
Who is Miles? Miles is an introvert. Miles is an artist. Miles has been living on his parents’ lake resort property for the past ten years and hasn’t taken a step off of it since he first got there. Miles is stubborn, cranky, belligerent, frustrating and irritating. Yet I fell in love with him almost from the first moment we meet him. There was just something about him…
The story surprised me in that it went in directions I did not foresee it going. Both Miles and his rockstar Adam were a hot mess when they met. They had a whirlwind romance that ended too soon for both their liking. I’m not much one for long separations but in this instance it was much needed. They both needed to get their head on straight before coming back together. And they did it, for the most part, with therapy. Yes, you heard that right. I said therapy. Such an unheard of idea in the fiction world. It made the story so much more believable.
I enjoyed reading this story. It wasn’t riveting and it didn’t suck me in and take me away but I was thoroughly invested in it nonetheless. There were parts where I chuckled at the antics and even shed a tear a time or two. I would recommend this to others as a good way to pass the time on a rainy Sunday.
Copy provided by the publisher via NetGalley in exchange for an honest review.
May 7, 2018
4.5 stars
This quietly crept up on me in such a way that I'm finding it hard to let go of. I adored Miles. And Adam. And Lisa, Grace and Bobby and Doug. I especially adored how loving it was and how genuine it all felt. There was a slight bit of angst but that was superseded by Illumination being ever so lovely and completely guileless with its intentions.
So, so good.
And highly recommended.
And in case Rowan Speedwell happens to read this:
I WOULD VERY MUCH LIKE A BOBBY AND DOUG BOOK PLEASE THANK YOU PLEASE.
This quietly crept up on me in such a way that I'm finding it hard to let go of. I adored Miles. And Adam. And Lisa, Grace and Bobby and Doug. I especially adored how loving it was and how genuine it all felt. There was a slight bit of angst but that was superseded by Illumination being ever so lovely and completely guileless with its intentions.
So, so good.
And highly recommended.
And in case Rowan Speedwell happens to read this:
I WOULD VERY MUCH LIKE A BOBBY AND DOUG BOOK PLEASE THANK YOU PLEASE.
October 4, 2013
This book was painful, brilliantly so. I'm a fan of angst when it's the right kind. But sometimes a book can grab someone emotionally and take you on a journey you're not expecting. This was one of those times for me. I don't know what I was expecting from the book, but whatever it was, this wasn't it. Even with that, though, I am thrilled I read something like this. The author did an amazing job and I have loved the others I've read by her, this was no different.
Miles and Adam were perfect for each other, at the same time, however, they had their issues. Issues that needed to be overcome in order for their relationship to work. I think they started off well and I was glad things were rough.And boy were they rough! It wouldn't have seemed read had they fallen in love and not tried to help themselves. It would have felt like a relationship doomed to end badly.
I found myself enthralled by Miles. His character was really fucked up with a lot of issues and not many people around him. His friends, who I didn't really love, kinda annoyed me during this. I got why it was done...I guess but it just didn't seem realistic to me. It was weird for me anyway. Miles' relationship with Bobby and Doug was... read the book. I can't tell others how to feel about it. But I wasn't really feeling them very much. Even Adam and Evie's relationship was nicer for me than the relationship between Miles and his friends.
Something I really loved about the book was how the characters played their roles in the story. Even if I didn't love everyone, I still saw their purpose in the lives of these characters. In some ways, I was delighted they were all there. They - the secondary characters - had their roles in helping both MC's face their demons and heal them. It was nice, refreshing, to see Miles' problems not magically fixed. It was also great to see Adam go back to something he really loved, taking him away from the drugs.
The only reason I am giving this 4 stars is because of how drained I was reading this book. It's not an easy read. I wasn't looking for one either. But I would have liked things to be a tiny bit easier. I love angst, and I don't shy away from it, but it can get exhausting after a while. This book is totally worth it, though, and I am so glad I read it.
Miles and Adam were perfect for each other, at the same time, however, they had their issues. Issues that needed to be overcome in order for their relationship to work. I think they started off well and I was glad things were rough.
I found myself enthralled by Miles. His character was really fucked up with a lot of issues and not many people around him. His friends, who I didn't really love, kinda annoyed me during this. I got why it was done...
Something I really loved about the book was how the characters played their roles in the story. Even if I didn't love everyone, I still saw their purpose in the lives of these characters. In some ways, I was delighted they were all there. They - the secondary characters - had their roles in helping both MC's face their demons and heal them. It was nice, refreshing, to see Miles' problems not magically fixed. It was also great to see Adam go back to something he really loved, taking him away from the drugs.
The only reason I am giving this 4 stars is because of how drained I was reading this book. It's not an easy read. I wasn't looking for one either. But I would have liked things to be a tiny bit easier. I love angst, and I don't shy away from it, but it can get exhausting after a while. This book is totally worth it, though, and I am so glad I read it.
September 12, 2014
a slow, clichéd start and minor annoyances with the characterization ate my nerves. reads like huge chunks of it were legit lifted from wikipedia.
dull, and then irritating.
dnf at 20 percent.
#FuckThisFriday
#thefuckening
dull, and then irritating.
dnf at 20 percent.
#FuckThisFriday
#thefuckening
September 28, 2013
4.5 stars
Light, warmth, passion. And some turmoil to make the falling in love even sweeter.
I think I was smiling much of the time reading this.
Miles, is a gifted artist, he illuminates precious manuscripts, turning plain text into decorated works of art, much as church monks of the Middle Ages did before the time of the printing press. He makes his own period pigments, drafts the fancy lettering, and carefully paints in the elaborate embellishments. It’s like lush embroidery on paper. The addition of fine gold leaf elevates it, making the text glow. Miles loses himself in his work, quill in hand, working long hours to bring perfection to the page. His art helps him forget, keeps the fears at bay.
Adam, famous metal rock star, long-haired and golden-eyed music god, illuminates Miles. Fires him up, brings him back into life. Gives him companionship and hope. Adam is a jaded musician but he knows compassion and gentleness.
It is sweet reading, getting to know Miles and Adam. The author nicely balances that early glowing awareness the guys have for each other with the darkness always lurking for Miles… He has memory loss resulting from a horrific, long ago car accident that killed his parents. He’s recovered physically, but his fears have left him an agoraphobic recluse shutting himself away from the world on his lake-side family estate. Lucky for him, Adam, trying to flee all the rock-star crap, drops into his life. Adam sees the sweet guy beneath all the cranky.
The mystery becomes how one guy tethered to his home, a prisoner to his fears, can make a relationship with another guy who is always on the move and lives hundreds of miles away.
I loved the set-up, the isolation of Miles and Adam at the lake house, the time they spend together, learning each other. It immerses them and the reader into a kind of dreamy other-world, intimate and protected.
“… he ran his fingers gently over Adam’s cheekbone, trailing them around this ear as if the curve of cartilage were something rare and precious… his eyes gone smoky blue and deep in thought, the way they did when he was thinking about his art. Adam felt… like Miles’s attention was on him the way a curator’s might be on a sculpture he was deciding to acquire.”
These two artists teach each other about their respective work-- we feel Miles’s passion for illuminating, we learn about Adam’s obsession with musical theatre. They are awestruck, tender, and caring. They make each other laugh. It felt like falling in love as they fall in love. And yet…
The psychological trauma that keeps Miles shut away informs all his thoughts and actions. His memory loss disconnects him from his childhood when his artistic gifts were taking hold and moving in a different direction. The boy who created glorious paintings is now a man confined to copying an old art form.
“That’s all he does now, copy the way things were done five hundred years ago, as if reconnecting with someone else’s history makes up for lacking his own.”
It is a childhood lost; he is lost and can’t find his way back to a semblance of normal. The second half of the book takes a darker tone because of the limitations this puts on the guys’ relationship.
There are supporting characters, critical to the story, that deserve a mention. Lisa, Miles’s sister, is a caring, supportive force in his life; I really liked her in the story. Doug and Robert are a committed couple and childhood friends of Miles that have stood by him, giving him comfort in an unorthodox way. There’s also Grace, Miles’s African grey parrot, whose mimicking adds some laughs. The author does a fine job building these characters and weaving them into the story.
In general, the pacing is good, there were a few repetitive sections, and there is a lot of information given about the art of illumination, but I was happy for every page. I really got into these guys and their journey. This is not just a fluffy romance. Miles has serious issues that give the piece a dark edge… and yet it is infused with hope and light.
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September 29, 2013
Wow, I have to say, I have always enjoyed Rowan Speedwell's books, but this is the first one I LOVED. I don't even know where to start.
The characters?
Miles--oh my GOD. Miles. So weird and vulnerable, and crazy-sexy. Like, I'm reading along and all of a sudden I'm BLUSHING because wha? and it isn't even like the sex that is so sexy (though the sex was really freaking sexy) it's the way he is with Adam, how he's all sweet and awkward but the way he touches Adam, and the way he talks about his art, and the way he just *is.* Sexy. (I'm always incoherent after a good book, this paragraph is proof)
Adam. The pill-popping, coke-snorting rock star. Who goes skinny-dipping in the lake and has a life-long dream of playing Sally Bowles on stage. Adam is adorable. And sexy, but in a different way than Miles is. I loved how he related to Miles, even though Miles was a difficult person to know, a difficult person to understand, and a really difficult person to love.
Secondaries:
Adam's bandmates were necessary characters, but sort of forgettable. Evie, the "girlfriend" was perfect. I felt like I knew her. I rolled my eyes when her character was introduced. I thought she was going to be a plot device for drama/jealousy--oh look, the closeted guy has a girlfriend!--but ms. speedwell turned that trope on it's overused little ass. Evie was EXACTLY who Adam needed in LA, and she was wonderful. WONDERFUL.
Miles's sister Lisa and Doug/Bobby-Rob. Wow. These guys loved Miles no matter how much it hurt them, and it hurt them deeply and often, even continuously. The tears I shed over this--the tears stinging my eyes as I type this review? GAH. These characters *made* Miles real to me in a way he wasn't on his own. One particular scene with Miles and Bobby made me bawl. So. so. good.
Well, really this is clearly more of a little love letter than a review. I loved this book. I loved every word of it. The more I think about the book, the more I love it. Highly recommended.
Now I have to go have a good book-cry.
The characters?
Miles--oh my GOD. Miles. So weird and vulnerable, and crazy-sexy. Like, I'm reading along and all of a sudden I'm BLUSHING because wha? and it isn't even like the sex that is so sexy (though the sex was really freaking sexy) it's the way he is with Adam, how he's all sweet and awkward but the way he touches Adam, and the way he talks about his art, and the way he just *is.* Sexy. (I'm always incoherent after a good book, this paragraph is proof)
Adam. The pill-popping, coke-snorting rock star. Who goes skinny-dipping in the lake and has a life-long dream of playing Sally Bowles on stage. Adam is adorable. And sexy, but in a different way than Miles is. I loved how he related to Miles, even though Miles was a difficult person to know, a difficult person to understand, and a really difficult person to love.
Secondaries:
Adam's bandmates were necessary characters, but sort of forgettable. Evie, the "girlfriend" was perfect. I felt like I knew her. I rolled my eyes when her character was introduced. I thought she was going to be a plot device for drama/jealousy--oh look, the closeted guy has a girlfriend!--but ms. speedwell turned that trope on it's overused little ass. Evie was EXACTLY who Adam needed in LA, and she was wonderful. WONDERFUL.
Miles's sister Lisa and Doug/Bobby-Rob. Wow. These guys loved Miles no matter how much it hurt them, and it hurt them deeply and often, even continuously. The tears I shed over this--the tears stinging my eyes as I type this review? GAH. These characters *made* Miles real to me in a way he wasn't on his own. One particular scene with Miles and Bobby made me bawl. So. so. good.
Well, really this is clearly more of a little love letter than a review. I loved this book. I loved every word of it. The more I think about the book, the more I love it. Highly recommended.
Now I have to go have a good book-cry.
September 24, 2014
I don't think this will be a lengthy review, I don't want to give away even one mile of this glorious road you'll travel with Miles and Adam.
There isn't a single word in this that feels false or unnecessary. The dialogue is spot on, it sounds like some of my friends and I talking. The ease of it, the references, the humor and difficulty in sometimes being able to say what you mean are all there.
These two get to know each other in a very organically presented way. Their natural personalities spark with and balk from each other, confidence and worry battling it out sometimes. They've both been through enough in life at their approximate ages to know what they want, but they fear they may not get it, as past experience has shown to happen.
All of the characters are rather well defined and serve their purposes. I like how we as the readers don't find some things out until the characters do.
The intimacy and sex are hot... just saying. Jizz. Worthy.
I found myself hoping, cringing, laughing and sighing. I did not want this to end!! I haven't felt that way about a book in awhile. That has nothing to do with the length of the read or the ending itself, they both work. It's just the deeply sigh worthy feeling that stayed with me, I didn't want that to end. And I really want to curl up on the couch, a good cup of tea between my fingers, and watch their faces as Miles and Adam recount their own story, their fingers entwined. *sigh* Lovely.
There isn't a single word in this that feels false or unnecessary. The dialogue is spot on, it sounds like some of my friends and I talking. The ease of it, the references, the humor and difficulty in sometimes being able to say what you mean are all there.
These two get to know each other in a very organically presented way. Their natural personalities spark with and balk from each other, confidence and worry battling it out sometimes. They've both been through enough in life at their approximate ages to know what they want, but they fear they may not get it, as past experience has shown to happen.
All of the characters are rather well defined and serve their purposes. I like how we as the readers don't find some things out until the characters do.
The intimacy and sex are hot... just saying. Jizz. Worthy.
I found myself hoping, cringing, laughing and sighing. I did not want this to end!! I haven't felt that way about a book in awhile. That has nothing to do with the length of the read or the ending itself, they both work. It's just the deeply sigh worthy feeling that stayed with me, I didn't want that to end. And I really want to curl up on the couch, a good cup of tea between my fingers, and watch their faces as Miles and Adam recount their own story, their fingers entwined. *sigh* Lovely.
November 21, 2013
This is one of those stories that pushes all my buttons. Broken men, romance, coming out, hot sex. Once again this author has claimed my heart with her off beat, quirky Miles Caldwell. How do you love a hermit, ask Adam Craig, the burned out lead singer of Black Varen.
Adam stumbles across Miles when he hires a cab to take him from Chicago to Milwaukee. He comes out of his drunken, drug stupor long enough to recognize a lake that held happy memories for him as a child. He leaves the cab. For the next few days he leaves behind the rock world, and enters the silent, lonely life of a cranky artist. What follows is a voyage of discovery that wraps it's arms around you, holding you so that you never want to leave. The ups and downs are inevitable. Secrets are revealed, but there is much joy found in this quirky twosome.
This has some very strong woman characters in Lisa, Mile's sister and Evie, Adam's ex-girlfriend and closest friend. For those protesting strong female characters in m/m, if you let this color you perception of this book, then that is truly sad.
I give it an illustrated page full of stars.
I listened to my Life House playlist while reading this. Perfection.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DFN2hc...
Adam stumbles across Miles when he hires a cab to take him from Chicago to Milwaukee. He comes out of his drunken, drug stupor long enough to recognize a lake that held happy memories for him as a child. He leaves the cab. For the next few days he leaves behind the rock world, and enters the silent, lonely life of a cranky artist. What follows is a voyage of discovery that wraps it's arms around you, holding you so that you never want to leave. The ups and downs are inevitable. Secrets are revealed, but there is much joy found in this quirky twosome.
This has some very strong woman characters in Lisa, Mile's sister and Evie, Adam's ex-girlfriend and closest friend. For those protesting strong female characters in m/m, if you let this color you perception of this book, then that is truly sad.
I give it an illustrated page full of stars.
I listened to my Life House playlist while reading this. Perfection.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DFN2hc...
October 31, 2013
A beautifully written story!
One thing I can always count on when I start one of Rowan's books, is that I will be losing sleep! I ended up staying up til 3 am reading this and finally finished it the next day during a 3 hour road trip. I was soooooo hooked from the very beginning and I never wanted it to end.
I really, really liked this story. I loved Miles and Adam and their darknesses, plus all the secondary characters...and the bird! It would be sweet and a little sappy...then BAM all angst galore!! It was a feel good story that made me happy, especially after the tought parts. And I loved their happy ever after.
In the end, I got a bit annoyed with all their miscommunications and I started to realize that Miles and Adam really didn't know each other at all. Honestly, it was borderline insta-love...or thats how it kinda felt to me because we get more of the characters fucking than talking and sharging and getting to know each other.
BUT...it was beautifully written and I couldn't put it down, hence the 4 star rating.
One thing I can always count on when I start one of Rowan's books, is that I will be losing sleep! I ended up staying up til 3 am reading this and finally finished it the next day during a 3 hour road trip. I was soooooo hooked from the very beginning and I never wanted it to end.
I really, really liked this story. I loved Miles and Adam and their darknesses, plus all the secondary characters...and the bird! It would be sweet and a little sappy...then BAM all angst galore!! It was a feel good story that made me happy, especially after the tought parts. And I loved their happy ever after.
In the end, I got a bit annoyed with all their miscommunications and I started to realize that Miles and Adam really didn't know each other at all. Honestly, it was borderline insta-love...or thats how it kinda felt to me because we get more of the characters fucking than talking and sharging and getting to know each other.
BUT...it was beautifully written and I couldn't put it down, hence the 4 star rating.
April 30, 2016
Rowan Speedwell is just fabulous. I've never never been disappointed. The research and well thought out writing is always breath taking and GAH her characters. Adam was kind of a dumbass but i suppose any of us could get swept up in the fame machine. Not-so-much that they could ever talk me into having sex with women... yeah... obvs not cut out for selling my soul. But Miles/Mike. Wow. His story broke my heart. I can't even imagine. Brilliant, brilliant story.
October 24, 2013
There's something about Ms. Speedwell's writing that always draws me in. When I read her, I know I'm going to enjoy her story and this one is no different.
I absolutely adored these characters. Miles just breaks my heart with his issues. He's complex and has so many hidden things about him. I loved that as the story progressed, we slowly started to understand why Miles is the way he is. I'll admit, I wanted to shake him silly a few times but I also wanted to hug him and keep him safe. I connected with Miles because of how broken he is but it took a little while for me to like Adam. At first, I thought he was this conceited, spoiled rock star but the more I read, the more I realized that he just needed to find his way and where Miles helps him do that, Adam also helps Miles find his way. One thing I hated about Adam, though, was his drug habit. Then again, at the same time, his denial in actually having an addiction was very realistic.
The story explores how Adam and Miles meet, the instant connection they have and then the separation they go through when they get back to their lives. Unfortunately, they each have their issues and those issues make having a relationship difficult. Add to that, doubts and insecurity create unwanted second thoughts that cause some conflict between their fledgling relationship. I liked the way the book was handled and also the journey that Miles and Adam take to finally be together. It's sweet and heartbreaking but I couldn't put the story down once I was able to sink my teeth into it.
While I enjoyed the story a lot, though, I did have some issues. Mostly, I understood the bond Miles and Adam created but I still found it hard to believe that these two had such a deep connection to the point that they'd be willing to wait for each other. IMO, they barely knew each other, or at least we didn't see them getting to know each other to the depth that they claimed. Beyond that, I wished we could have seen more of Miles and Adam when they finally work things out and I would have loved to see Adam's rehabilitation with Miles.
All in all, this was a great story. It pulled at my heartstrings and made me fall in love with the characters but I also loved how these two got to where they finally ended up. Definitely recommended for those looking for something semi-angsty but with great characters.
I absolutely adored these characters. Miles just breaks my heart with his issues. He's complex and has so many hidden things about him. I loved that as the story progressed, we slowly started to understand why Miles is the way he is. I'll admit, I wanted to shake him silly a few times but I also wanted to hug him and keep him safe. I connected with Miles because of how broken he is but it took a little while for me to like Adam. At first, I thought he was this conceited, spoiled rock star but the more I read, the more I realized that he just needed to find his way and where Miles helps him do that, Adam also helps Miles find his way. One thing I hated about Adam, though, was his drug habit. Then again, at the same time, his denial in actually having an addiction was very realistic.
The story explores how Adam and Miles meet, the instant connection they have and then the separation they go through when they get back to their lives. Unfortunately, they each have their issues and those issues make having a relationship difficult. Add to that, doubts and insecurity create unwanted second thoughts that cause some conflict between their fledgling relationship. I liked the way the book was handled and also the journey that Miles and Adam take to finally be together. It's sweet and heartbreaking but I couldn't put the story down once I was able to sink my teeth into it.
While I enjoyed the story a lot, though, I did have some issues. Mostly, I understood the bond Miles and Adam created but I still found it hard to believe that these two had such a deep connection to the point that they'd be willing to wait for each other. IMO, they barely knew each other, or at least we didn't see them getting to know each other to the depth that they claimed. Beyond that, I wished we could have seen more of Miles and Adam when they finally work things out and I would have loved to see Adam's rehabilitation with Miles.
All in all, this was a great story. It pulled at my heartstrings and made me fall in love with the characters but I also loved how these two got to where they finally ended up. Definitely recommended for those looking for something semi-angsty but with great characters.
April 6, 2014
★★★★☆
Closeted rock star, Adam Craig, drunkenly ends up at the resort he went to as a kid before his parents divorced. Miles, who was the object of his affections and made him realize he was gay the last summer he went to the resort, stumbles over him passed out on his patio one early Sunday morning.
Miles isn't all that happy to find him trespassing. He is an artist who makes illuminated pictures who has suffered traumatic brain injury and is an agoraphobic and a bit ocd-ish and his only companions are a Congo African Gray parrot named Grace (loved Grace, reminded me of Mr. Zimmerman - if anyone can remind me what book that was, I'll be so grateful!), his sister and two long-time friends from before his accident that wiped his memory of his past life away.
Adam's true career love is musical theater and he joined Black Varen five years ago for the money but in the meantime has sacrificed being able to be honest about being gay, not bisexual and embraced the whole rock star persona of numbing himself with drugs and alchohol.
After a bit of pussyfooting (cockfooting?) they're getting to know each other more intimately and both have challenges to overcome - Miles' brain doesn't work like everyone elses' and he has a difficult time communicating and responding to those around him, yet Adam gets him. Adam has to decide how he wants to spend the rest of his life and cutting out drugs and alcohol are a big part of it.
Lovely story, each needed to make changes in their lives for themselves that ultimately helped bring them together. It didn't feel rushed and they had plenty of time to get to know each other.
Closeted rock star, Adam Craig, drunkenly ends up at the resort he went to as a kid before his parents divorced. Miles, who was the object of his affections and made him realize he was gay the last summer he went to the resort, stumbles over him passed out on his patio one early Sunday morning.
Miles isn't all that happy to find him trespassing. He is an artist who makes illuminated pictures who has suffered traumatic brain injury and is an agoraphobic and a bit ocd-ish and his only companions are a Congo African Gray parrot named Grace (loved Grace, reminded me of Mr. Zimmerman - if anyone can remind me what book that was, I'll be so grateful!), his sister and two long-time friends from before his accident that wiped his memory of his past life away.
Adam's true career love is musical theater and he joined Black Varen five years ago for the money but in the meantime has sacrificed being able to be honest about being gay, not bisexual and embraced the whole rock star persona of numbing himself with drugs and alchohol.
After a bit of pussyfooting (cockfooting?) they're getting to know each other more intimately and both have challenges to overcome - Miles' brain doesn't work like everyone elses' and he has a difficult time communicating and responding to those around him, yet Adam gets him. Adam has to decide how he wants to spend the rest of his life and cutting out drugs and alcohol are a big part of it.
Lovely story, each needed to make changes in their lives for themselves that ultimately helped bring them together. It didn't feel rushed and they had plenty of time to get to know each other.
February 12, 2014
4.5 stars.
I really loved this book. Adam is a rock star who never planned to be a rock star, and Miles is an agoraphobic artist who hasn't left his property in 10 years. They meet when Adam drunkenly ends up asleep on Miles' front porch, and they connect pretty instantly.
The blurb says that Adam charms his way into Miles' bed, but to me, it kinda felt the opposite, that Miles talked Adam into his bed, but it was good either way.
Miles was injured in a car wreck over a decade ago, and his brain doesn't work the same as everyone else. He has difficulty communicating and figuring out what to say, and can be quite awkward in social situations. Adam is more interested in musical theater, but joined the rock group to make money, and became more successful than he ever expected, but he's tired of it all- tired of the parties and the hangers on and the press, and most of all, tired of hiding who he really is- gay. It's ok for a rocker to be bisexual so long as he's only seen with women, but Adam is really gay.
Adam and Miles connect so well, somehow, Adam always just seems to get Miles, even his awkwardness and his silences, and how he loses himself in his work.
I originally rated this book 5 stars, but on thinking about it, I have to bump half a star, because some things that happened felt a bit rushed , but all in all, I REALLY enjoyed this book.
I really loved this book. Adam is a rock star who never planned to be a rock star, and Miles is an agoraphobic artist who hasn't left his property in 10 years. They meet when Adam drunkenly ends up asleep on Miles' front porch, and they connect pretty instantly.
The blurb says that Adam charms his way into Miles' bed, but to me, it kinda felt the opposite, that Miles talked Adam into his bed, but it was good either way.
Miles was injured in a car wreck over a decade ago, and his brain doesn't work the same as everyone else. He has difficulty communicating and figuring out what to say, and can be quite awkward in social situations. Adam is more interested in musical theater, but joined the rock group to make money, and became more successful than he ever expected, but he's tired of it all- tired of the parties and the hangers on and the press, and most of all, tired of hiding who he really is- gay. It's ok for a rocker to be bisexual so long as he's only seen with women, but Adam is really gay.
Adam and Miles connect so well, somehow, Adam always just seems to get Miles, even his awkwardness and his silences, and how he loses himself in his work.
I originally rated this book 5 stars, but on thinking about it, I have to bump half a star, because some things that happened felt a bit rushed , but all in all, I REALLY enjoyed this book.
October 1, 2013
Ok, my objectivity went through window since author made a not-so-subtle nod to Bujold and Miles Vorkosigan!!! One of my favorite authors, series and heroes ever. I feel sometimes like it saved my life too. :)
But really, this was a great book. Rowan Speedwell never disappoints. She has a way with broken characters that just grow on you. I was actually afraid at the beginning that it would be insta-love kind of things, but it wasn't. Great read!
October 2, 2014
I admit I was expecting the standard bad boy rocker being tamed by the shy guy kinda story, and to be honest the initial start of this one seemed to confirm what I was getting. But then OMG it turned into so much more.
Miles is such a deep character. At first I did not understand him at all. He did not seem shy or scared, but then as the story flowed I discovered his true depth.
Adam for the most part had my heart from the start. Trapped by what society expects and living the dream that's more everyone elses dream than his.
Watching these two first come together was a joy. While there might be insta lust the love happened over time. Watching Miles try to protect himself was heartbreaking, and my heart bleed for Adam too totally not understanding what was happening.
Lisa was wonderful. A sister anyone would be extremely lucky to have. I loved how she acted with Miles.
Rob and Doug are the friends you never want to lose, although I really did not agree with their way of helping Miles at certain times.
Evie I'm afraid was the typical female I disliked. While she might have been there for Adam, I can't help but feel she was more protecting her own agenda in keeping Adam around. My dislike for her grew towards the end and never really changed.
Overall this is a story of love and understanding. A story of fighting back against the odds. Totally recommend this one to all.
Oh and Grace remains my all time fav female, just wish her role had been bigger lol.
Miles is such a deep character. At first I did not understand him at all. He did not seem shy or scared, but then as the story flowed I discovered his true depth.
Adam for the most part had my heart from the start. Trapped by what society expects and living the dream that's more everyone elses dream than his.
Watching these two first come together was a joy. While there might be insta lust the love happened over time. Watching Miles try to protect himself was heartbreaking, and my heart bleed for Adam too totally not understanding what was happening.
Lisa was wonderful. A sister anyone would be extremely lucky to have. I loved how she acted with Miles.
Rob and Doug are the friends you never want to lose, although I really did not agree with their way of helping Miles at certain times.
Evie I'm afraid was the typical female I disliked. While she might have been there for Adam, I can't help but feel she was more protecting her own agenda in keeping Adam around. My dislike for her grew towards the end and never really changed.
Overall this is a story of love and understanding. A story of fighting back against the odds. Totally recommend this one to all.
Oh and Grace remains my all time fav female, just wish her role had been bigger lol.
July 13, 2017
More 4.5 stars due to the almost insta-love going on but rounded up because, holy shit, I loved Miles. So broken and scared and desperate for anything really. Being touched, kissed, held, he just needed. It made me laugh and cry and shake my kindle. So much better than I was expecting. Loved it!
December 13, 2013
I can imagine the peace that I would find, and the comfort, of living alone on a lake with my parrot as company, doing work I love and not needing to spend time interacting with people. Hell, excluding the agoraphobia, I could be Miles. Miles's family has owned Indian Lake Resort his entire life, although the resort portion hasn't been opened since his parents' death in a car accident years before. Miles, himself, has not left the property in ten years, preferring to live there and complete his illuminated manuscripts, conversing primarily with Grace, his parrot, and seeing his sister, Lisa, once a week. Interestingly enough, Miles is not his birth name, but one he took from a character in a book that saved his life. It's more than halfway through the novel before the answers to Miles's agoraphobia, the accident that killed his parents, and his own story get revealed.
Adam is the lead singer and frontman for a light metal band. His life is one drama filled moment after the next and frankly, he's rather disgusted by the whole thing. When he stumbles across the resort his parents used to take him and his brother to before their divorce, he just wants to find a little peace. What he gets instead is a grumpy artist who doesn't listen to any music besides classical, he doesn't text, he doesn't use any social network sites, and who used to be the lifeguard Adam had a crush on all those years ago. Adam has two weeks before the band has to meet up in LA at the recording studio and spending that time with Miles sounds like the best vacation ever. Of course, Miles can't figure out why Adam would want to be with him since he's so weird, he can't make regular conversation, and he screws up everything. Doesn't matter because they fall in love anyway, although, neither one says it during their time together and Miles doesn't really believe Adam when he says he'll be back.
And so begins the long distance communication with Miles's insecurities piling on every time he sees anything about Adam out on the town in LA and Adam not really knowing how to take many of Miles's moods. Basically typical of people who spent some time together but don't really know each other very well, except compounded by Miles's mental state which he hasn't revealed, completely, to Adam. Lisa gets involved when she realizes that Miles is in love with Adam but Miles doesn't want him coming for Thanksgiving. Miles is too terrified that he is simply a way for Adam to have gay sex and stay closeted while he dates women in the public eye. So, Lisa agrees to tell Adam that Miles won't see him for one year, if Miles agrees to see a therapist for that same year and work on his issues. Now, that's the kind of sibling support I can get behind!
I really enjoyed watching what developed in the year they were apart and then when they reunited. Hearing Lisa tell Adam of the accident and what happened to Miles was heartbreakingly sad and I was awed that Miles had it together as much as he did. The year apart, even as frustrating and infuriating as it was, was still the best thing to happen to both of them. Adam was able to handle some stuff in his life with the band, the paparazzi, and his personal life that he might not have dealt with or just ignored before falling for Miles. Overall this was a sad but very, very sweet and intense love story that reminded me how when it's the right person, you can stand any hardship to be together. I liked this story very much and look forward to reading more by this author.
NOTE: This book was provided by Riptide Publishing for the purpose of a review on Rainbow Book Reviews.
Adam is the lead singer and frontman for a light metal band. His life is one drama filled moment after the next and frankly, he's rather disgusted by the whole thing. When he stumbles across the resort his parents used to take him and his brother to before their divorce, he just wants to find a little peace. What he gets instead is a grumpy artist who doesn't listen to any music besides classical, he doesn't text, he doesn't use any social network sites, and who used to be the lifeguard Adam had a crush on all those years ago. Adam has two weeks before the band has to meet up in LA at the recording studio and spending that time with Miles sounds like the best vacation ever. Of course, Miles can't figure out why Adam would want to be with him since he's so weird, he can't make regular conversation, and he screws up everything. Doesn't matter because they fall in love anyway, although, neither one says it during their time together and Miles doesn't really believe Adam when he says he'll be back.
And so begins the long distance communication with Miles's insecurities piling on every time he sees anything about Adam out on the town in LA and Adam not really knowing how to take many of Miles's moods. Basically typical of people who spent some time together but don't really know each other very well, except compounded by Miles's mental state which he hasn't revealed, completely, to Adam. Lisa gets involved when she realizes that Miles is in love with Adam but Miles doesn't want him coming for Thanksgiving. Miles is too terrified that he is simply a way for Adam to have gay sex and stay closeted while he dates women in the public eye. So, Lisa agrees to tell Adam that Miles won't see him for one year, if Miles agrees to see a therapist for that same year and work on his issues. Now, that's the kind of sibling support I can get behind!
I really enjoyed watching what developed in the year they were apart and then when they reunited. Hearing Lisa tell Adam of the accident and what happened to Miles was heartbreakingly sad and I was awed that Miles had it together as much as he did. The year apart, even as frustrating and infuriating as it was, was still the best thing to happen to both of them. Adam was able to handle some stuff in his life with the band, the paparazzi, and his personal life that he might not have dealt with or just ignored before falling for Miles. Overall this was a sad but very, very sweet and intense love story that reminded me how when it's the right person, you can stand any hardship to be together. I liked this story very much and look forward to reading more by this author.
NOTE: This book was provided by Riptide Publishing for the purpose of a review on Rainbow Book Reviews.
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
September 29, 2013
4.50 stars
Miles is an artist whose life was turned upside down after a car accident that took his parents' lives and left him with no memory of his former self. After experiencing seizures while in public that left him helpless and at the mercy of others he decides to seclude himself. And when he goes to visit the resort he and his sister inherited, he feels drawn to it and retreats there. His only companion is Grace, a talking parrot, with his human interactions consisting of weekly visits from his sister and the occasional visits from his friends.
Adam is the lead singer in a band who is going through the motions but feels like he's in need of something more. He is tired of leading a double life where he has to abide by the rules his manager has set forth. He wants to be himself and after a particular rough night when he finds himself needing something familiar so he runs away from the partying in search of what he needs. He ends up at a place where his life made sense. A resort his family visited during his childhood and where he laid eyes on his first crush. There he finds an intriguing, handsome man in the form of Miles.
Adam wants nothing more than to stay with Miles and explore this thing that has developed between them but Miles is set on his ways and his need to keep to himself serves as an obstacle for anything between them to move along. Relentless in his pursuit, Adam continues after Miles, even when he notices Miles distancing himself from him and retreating into himself more and more.
Fortunately, Miles has a great sister that makes him see what he could be losing if he doesn't step up and pull up his big man undies.
I loved this story from start to finish. Rowan Speedwell did an amazing job in bringing Miles and Adam to the page while bringing to the surface their emotions, needs and desires.
I so enjoyed the chemistry between Miles and Adam. From the first kiss to that mind-blowing video, Rowan Speedwell gave us a hell of a lot of emotion and sensuality every time these two came together (no pun intended, I swear!)
Miles and Adam's longing for something more jumped off the page. I could easily see how much Miles wanted Adam and how frustrated he was that his fear wouldn't let him act on it. And even through all his understanding of Miles' condition, Adam suffered too. Especially each time Miles retreated from what they had.
I appreciated the fact that the author developed their connection over time and that both Miles and Adam worked hard on their issues before trying to build a relationship. I do believe that they brought the best out of each other and it showed with their every interaction.
The writing was very good. It's very rare for an author to be able to bring so much out of a character and yet keep things light and entertaining. Rowan Speedwell did that. She managed to bring Miles issues and the angst that came along with it, but still managed to keep a light note to the story. It didn't feel overwhelming, nor did it read as a typical rock star romance. Everything was laid out on the page meticulously to make this an angsty, emotion-driven and highly sensual read.
All in all, Illumination was a wonderful story of true love overcoming even the most overwhelming of obstacles.
I received this title from the publisher through NetGalley in exchange of my honest opinion.
Miles is an artist whose life was turned upside down after a car accident that took his parents' lives and left him with no memory of his former self. After experiencing seizures while in public that left him helpless and at the mercy of others he decides to seclude himself. And when he goes to visit the resort he and his sister inherited, he feels drawn to it and retreats there. His only companion is Grace, a talking parrot, with his human interactions consisting of weekly visits from his sister and the occasional visits from his friends.
Adam is the lead singer in a band who is going through the motions but feels like he's in need of something more. He is tired of leading a double life where he has to abide by the rules his manager has set forth. He wants to be himself and after a particular rough night when he finds himself needing something familiar so he runs away from the partying in search of what he needs. He ends up at a place where his life made sense. A resort his family visited during his childhood and where he laid eyes on his first crush. There he finds an intriguing, handsome man in the form of Miles.
Adam wants nothing more than to stay with Miles and explore this thing that has developed between them but Miles is set on his ways and his need to keep to himself serves as an obstacle for anything between them to move along. Relentless in his pursuit, Adam continues after Miles, even when he notices Miles distancing himself from him and retreating into himself more and more.
Fortunately, Miles has a great sister that makes him see what he could be losing if he doesn't step up and pull up his big man undies.
I loved this story from start to finish. Rowan Speedwell did an amazing job in bringing Miles and Adam to the page while bringing to the surface their emotions, needs and desires.
I so enjoyed the chemistry between Miles and Adam. From the first kiss to that mind-blowing video, Rowan Speedwell gave us a hell of a lot of emotion and sensuality every time these two came together (no pun intended, I swear!)
Miles and Adam's longing for something more jumped off the page. I could easily see how much Miles wanted Adam and how frustrated he was that his fear wouldn't let him act on it. And even through all his understanding of Miles' condition, Adam suffered too. Especially each time Miles retreated from what they had.
I appreciated the fact that the author developed their connection over time and that both Miles and Adam worked hard on their issues before trying to build a relationship. I do believe that they brought the best out of each other and it showed with their every interaction.
The writing was very good. It's very rare for an author to be able to bring so much out of a character and yet keep things light and entertaining. Rowan Speedwell did that. She managed to bring Miles issues and the angst that came along with it, but still managed to keep a light note to the story. It didn't feel overwhelming, nor did it read as a typical rock star romance. Everything was laid out on the page meticulously to make this an angsty, emotion-driven and highly sensual read.
All in all, Illumination was a wonderful story of true love overcoming even the most overwhelming of obstacles.
I received this title from the publisher through NetGalley in exchange of my honest opinion.
October 23, 2013
Synopsis:
Adam Craig is burned out. Lead singer of the hard rock band Black Varen, he's tired of the empty life of groupies, paparazzi, and hotel rooms. Worse, a life in the closet. After the final concert of their latest tour, he flees the after-party in pursuit of memories of lost summers and carefree days, until he passes out on the patio of a shuttered lake resort.
Miles Caldwell is a brilliant artist, tied by agoraphobia and social anxiety to his family's lodge. Alone but for his parrot, he spends his days illuminating manuscripts and hiding from the complexities of life. When he discovers Adam asleep in a deck chair, he's furious but intrigued. Adam soon charms his way into Miles' bed, and they lose themselves in a summer idyll, safe from the compromises and claims of reality.
But Adam's life, with all its demands, is waiting for him. And Miles, uncertain of Adam's true feelings, is battling demons of his own. Somehow, the man who's never home and the man who never leaves it must find the strength to fight for a future together.
My Thoughts:
I really loved this book. Read it straight through. I really didn't want to put it down. It was an incredibly sweet romance between two very different men who happened to fall hard and fast for each other after one hell of a chance encounter.
Adam has been living the rock star life and has been getting pretty damned sick of it. He's gay, but has been masquerading as bi (people seem to deal better with that than full on gayness) and he doesn't like it. After one out of control party too many, he bails and finds himself at an old resort he used to spend summers at with his family. And then he finds himself waking up on a stranger's porch. A pissed off stranger. Who loses a bit of his mad when he sees just how gorgeous Adam is. He has no clue just who Adam is, though and that is something Adam loves.
The two of them get along really well. There are some slip ups here and there because Miles is dealing with some issues stemming from a past injury. Adam handles it all really well, though. He never belittles Miles and always explains what he meant when Miles misinterprets something. It isn't long before they're getting it on and it was REALLY HOT with Adam begging like that. Fucking loved that scene. I loved all of the little instances of domestication, too. They were just adorable together. And sweet. And gorgeous.
It turns out that they have some things in common despite being very different people with very, very different lives. That becomes more clear when at the end of two weeks, Adam has to go back to LA for recording and Miles starts feeling pretty insecure and pushes Adam away. Adam, stubborn as he is, hangs in there and never gives up. He feels down about it at times, but he obviously loves Miles and won't just let things end.
I really loved this book despite the issues each character had. Miles had his mental issues and Adam had a nasty drug habit. Not an addiction, but if he was partying, he was taking something. That does bite him in the ass, too. Things do work out, but each guy has to work on himself before they can really be together. I was just happy that it paid off and we got a HEA. I love Adam and Miles together. I'll definitely be reading more from Rowan Speedwell.
Adam Craig is burned out. Lead singer of the hard rock band Black Varen, he's tired of the empty life of groupies, paparazzi, and hotel rooms. Worse, a life in the closet. After the final concert of their latest tour, he flees the after-party in pursuit of memories of lost summers and carefree days, until he passes out on the patio of a shuttered lake resort.
Miles Caldwell is a brilliant artist, tied by agoraphobia and social anxiety to his family's lodge. Alone but for his parrot, he spends his days illuminating manuscripts and hiding from the complexities of life. When he discovers Adam asleep in a deck chair, he's furious but intrigued. Adam soon charms his way into Miles' bed, and they lose themselves in a summer idyll, safe from the compromises and claims of reality.
But Adam's life, with all its demands, is waiting for him. And Miles, uncertain of Adam's true feelings, is battling demons of his own. Somehow, the man who's never home and the man who never leaves it must find the strength to fight for a future together.
My Thoughts:
I really loved this book. Read it straight through. I really didn't want to put it down. It was an incredibly sweet romance between two very different men who happened to fall hard and fast for each other after one hell of a chance encounter.
Adam has been living the rock star life and has been getting pretty damned sick of it. He's gay, but has been masquerading as bi (people seem to deal better with that than full on gayness) and he doesn't like it. After one out of control party too many, he bails and finds himself at an old resort he used to spend summers at with his family. And then he finds himself waking up on a stranger's porch. A pissed off stranger. Who loses a bit of his mad when he sees just how gorgeous Adam is. He has no clue just who Adam is, though and that is something Adam loves.
The two of them get along really well. There are some slip ups here and there because Miles is dealing with some issues stemming from a past injury. Adam handles it all really well, though. He never belittles Miles and always explains what he meant when Miles misinterprets something. It isn't long before they're getting it on and it was REALLY HOT with Adam begging like that. Fucking loved that scene. I loved all of the little instances of domestication, too. They were just adorable together. And sweet. And gorgeous.
It turns out that they have some things in common despite being very different people with very, very different lives. That becomes more clear when at the end of two weeks, Adam has to go back to LA for recording and Miles starts feeling pretty insecure and pushes Adam away. Adam, stubborn as he is, hangs in there and never gives up. He feels down about it at times, but he obviously loves Miles and won't just let things end.
I really loved this book despite the issues each character had. Miles had his mental issues and Adam had a nasty drug habit. Not an addiction, but if he was partying, he was taking something. That does bite him in the ass, too. Things do work out, but each guy has to work on himself before they can really be together. I was just happy that it paid off and we got a HEA. I love Adam and Miles together. I'll definitely be reading more from Rowan Speedwell.
October 2, 2013
4.2 stars. A very well written book, multi-dimensional characterisations that resulted in complex protagonists, an engaging plot and a quite satisfying happy ending. But throughout its course, I had the constant impression that I was reading two distinct stories belonging to troubled individuals, who were trying to cope with their present and find new avenues for the future. Early on, their paths intersected, Adam and Miles forged a connection, yet they soon had to separate and most developments happened while they were apart. So I did not believe that their relationship was consolidated enough, hence the romance being less solid than I had hoped. Nevertheless, a very worthwhile reading experience for both of their individual journeys!
October 7, 2015
Sheri, Thank you so much I really liked
Review coming...
Review coming...
November 4, 2013
Review will be seen in Oct issue of RT Book Reviews Magazine
October 20, 2013
I grappled with the rating on this review for a few days. Had I stopped three quarters into this novel I would have given this book a definite five stars for I really had been swept into the lives of these two men, in particular, Miles. For me, there was a decided connection to these fellows and I found myself unable to put the story down for any length of time, needing to see where this relationship was going to travel.
Adam was trying to escape a life that never really fit. His time with the popular metal band, Varen, was only partially satisfying because his heart really hankered to be back in musical theatre. Plus as the band's front guy, his sexuality had to remain hidden. Due to both the record label's fear that sales would drop and the near rabid hatred of gays from one band mate specifically., Adam could appear bisexual but never come out totally as a gay man. So, he stuffed down the anxiety and sadness that plagued this lie he lived with recreational drugs and alcohol. On one particularly wild party night after the band's last concert, Adam, drunk and high, grabs a taxi and ends up at a lakeside resort he visited as a boy.
Inside one of the resort cottages is Miles Caldwell, a man who lives a mere half life, haunted by fears that he cannot remember the cause of, and dealing with a loneliness that threatens to drown him at every turn. In his hermit like state, the few friends he has along with his sister take care of him, reminding him to eat, to not work for days straight and in an odd twist, which I am still grappling with a bit, occasionally satisfy his need for sex and human touch. When Adam enters his life and remains for several weeks, Miles becomes aware of how much he has lost, not only all the memories of his past when he was Michael Caldwell, son of the resorts' owner, but also his freedom to move beyond the resort. In other words, his acute fears brought on by not just one violent and deadly past episode but two others that triggered relapses and subsequent seizures had left Miles unable to cope with leaving his home for more than a few seconds.
So here they were, two men slowly but steadily falling in love with each other, both tied to lives that threatened to destroy any chance they had at happiness with each other or alone. When Adam leaves to return to the studio to work on the new releases for the band, Miles is set adrift inside his own head, confused and angry, alone and lost. Meanwhile, Adam is increasingly more unhappy with the pretend romance he must have with his best friend Evie and longs to be with Miles full time. The real question remains can Miles get better enough through therapy to be the man Adam needs and will Adam's nightly escape into drugs finally cause him to lose everything he desires.
Rowan Speedwell has an incredible ability to create characters that not only have real depth but that capture your interest, keep you hungering for more of them, more of their lives as they are played out in her fascinating stories. Miles and Adam are no exceptions. Two thirds of the book in, I was captured. I read voraciously, wanting--needing to know how these two men would ever be able to overcome the incredible obstacles that kept mounting before them. When the realization that they would have to spend considerable time apart in order for each of them to come to a place where they could be what each other needed, I was okay with the idea that the latter section of this book would focus one their life apart.
Up to this point, the only real problem I had with this book was the different way in which Miles' two friends provided him with sexual release. His best friend Doug and his partner Rob were happily partnered, yet Rob or Bobby as Miles called him would occasionally serve as a strange type of rent boy with out the financial entanglements. With strict parameters about touching and kissing, Bobby was, in essence, a kind-hearted "vessel" for Miles to use. The admittedly odd arrangement he has with the partner of his life long friend in which Miles uses Rob for gratification was the first element of the story that gave me pause, but it was decidedly the life these two men had while apart which was the focus of the last third of the book that gave me some trouble.
Up until their time without each other, I felt the author did an incredible job of shifting the focus of this story back and forth between the men. I never thought that I was getting to know one of them at the expense of the other remaining a more shallow and less panned out character. I was absolutely taken with both of these men and felt that I was a part of their lives, drawn in to their story. Then the needed and understandable separation came along and this is where the story really became almost exclusively about Adam and his spiraling downward cycle with drugs and alcohol.
After just an initial scene with the new therapist, I felt Miles and his story dropped off the page. Yes, he was still there but we never saw his growth--his path to coping more readily with his traumas. On the other hand we were fully immersed in Adam's life and the hell he was enduring. Don't get me wrong--this was very well written and believable. But the careful balance this author so painstakingly worked for earlier in the novel was gone and I was really sad to see it go.
I felt that the story shifted from being the Miles and Adam story to the Adam saga with Miles on the fringe and it was really disappointing to read. Also, I think that had there been more of an equal balance with us seeing the way Miles grappled in therapy, then the hard won steps he experiences at the end of the story would have been more believable. It was obvious that the author was doing her best to not just "fix" Miles but rather write in small victories for him along the way. I was so happy to see that Miles still had to wrestle with his phobias but that now he had more strength to deal with them. By choosing to focus the bulk of the remaining chapters on Adam, I felt the author lost a real chance to further explore Miles and the things which made him tick. Again, not a bad story--on the contrary, it was still a compelling read as it had been from the start but now it was lacking the fullness and depth it had so wonderfully began with and that left it less than enjoyable for me.
Still and all, I feel Illumination by Rowan Speedwell is not a novel to be missed. The delicate dance that these two men perform as they raced toward each other and the healing they need to achieve in order to remain together is a beautiful story line that had remarkable moments. That alone, makes this novel stand out from the pack and left a lasting impression on this reviewer.
Adam was trying to escape a life that never really fit. His time with the popular metal band, Varen, was only partially satisfying because his heart really hankered to be back in musical theatre. Plus as the band's front guy, his sexuality had to remain hidden. Due to both the record label's fear that sales would drop and the near rabid hatred of gays from one band mate specifically., Adam could appear bisexual but never come out totally as a gay man. So, he stuffed down the anxiety and sadness that plagued this lie he lived with recreational drugs and alcohol. On one particularly wild party night after the band's last concert, Adam, drunk and high, grabs a taxi and ends up at a lakeside resort he visited as a boy.
Inside one of the resort cottages is Miles Caldwell, a man who lives a mere half life, haunted by fears that he cannot remember the cause of, and dealing with a loneliness that threatens to drown him at every turn. In his hermit like state, the few friends he has along with his sister take care of him, reminding him to eat, to not work for days straight and in an odd twist, which I am still grappling with a bit, occasionally satisfy his need for sex and human touch. When Adam enters his life and remains for several weeks, Miles becomes aware of how much he has lost, not only all the memories of his past when he was Michael Caldwell, son of the resorts' owner, but also his freedom to move beyond the resort. In other words, his acute fears brought on by not just one violent and deadly past episode but two others that triggered relapses and subsequent seizures had left Miles unable to cope with leaving his home for more than a few seconds.
So here they were, two men slowly but steadily falling in love with each other, both tied to lives that threatened to destroy any chance they had at happiness with each other or alone. When Adam leaves to return to the studio to work on the new releases for the band, Miles is set adrift inside his own head, confused and angry, alone and lost. Meanwhile, Adam is increasingly more unhappy with the pretend romance he must have with his best friend Evie and longs to be with Miles full time. The real question remains can Miles get better enough through therapy to be the man Adam needs and will Adam's nightly escape into drugs finally cause him to lose everything he desires.
Rowan Speedwell has an incredible ability to create characters that not only have real depth but that capture your interest, keep you hungering for more of them, more of their lives as they are played out in her fascinating stories. Miles and Adam are no exceptions. Two thirds of the book in, I was captured. I read voraciously, wanting--needing to know how these two men would ever be able to overcome the incredible obstacles that kept mounting before them. When the realization that they would have to spend considerable time apart in order for each of them to come to a place where they could be what each other needed, I was okay with the idea that the latter section of this book would focus one their life apart.
Up to this point, the only real problem I had with this book was the different way in which Miles' two friends provided him with sexual release. His best friend Doug and his partner Rob were happily partnered, yet Rob or Bobby as Miles called him would occasionally serve as a strange type of rent boy with out the financial entanglements. With strict parameters about touching and kissing, Bobby was, in essence, a kind-hearted "vessel" for Miles to use. The admittedly odd arrangement he has with the partner of his life long friend in which Miles uses Rob for gratification was the first element of the story that gave me pause, but it was decidedly the life these two men had while apart which was the focus of the last third of the book that gave me some trouble.
Up until their time without each other, I felt the author did an incredible job of shifting the focus of this story back and forth between the men. I never thought that I was getting to know one of them at the expense of the other remaining a more shallow and less panned out character. I was absolutely taken with both of these men and felt that I was a part of their lives, drawn in to their story. Then the needed and understandable separation came along and this is where the story really became almost exclusively about Adam and his spiraling downward cycle with drugs and alcohol.
After just an initial scene with the new therapist, I felt Miles and his story dropped off the page. Yes, he was still there but we never saw his growth--his path to coping more readily with his traumas. On the other hand we were fully immersed in Adam's life and the hell he was enduring. Don't get me wrong--this was very well written and believable. But the careful balance this author so painstakingly worked for earlier in the novel was gone and I was really sad to see it go.
I felt that the story shifted from being the Miles and Adam story to the Adam saga with Miles on the fringe and it was really disappointing to read. Also, I think that had there been more of an equal balance with us seeing the way Miles grappled in therapy, then the hard won steps he experiences at the end of the story would have been more believable. It was obvious that the author was doing her best to not just "fix" Miles but rather write in small victories for him along the way. I was so happy to see that Miles still had to wrestle with his phobias but that now he had more strength to deal with them. By choosing to focus the bulk of the remaining chapters on Adam, I felt the author lost a real chance to further explore Miles and the things which made him tick. Again, not a bad story--on the contrary, it was still a compelling read as it had been from the start but now it was lacking the fullness and depth it had so wonderfully began with and that left it less than enjoyable for me.
Still and all, I feel Illumination by Rowan Speedwell is not a novel to be missed. The delicate dance that these two men perform as they raced toward each other and the healing they need to achieve in order to remain together is a beautiful story line that had remarkable moments. That alone, makes this novel stand out from the pack and left a lasting impression on this reviewer.
February 22, 2014
The Merriam-Webster dictionary defines illumination as: spiritual or intellectual enlightenment OR decoration by the art of illuminating. In Rowan Speedwell’s Illumination, both definitions apply. Miles Caldwell is an artist who practices the art of illumination and Adam Craig is a rock star who attains intellectual enlightenment when he realizes he can no longer live his life the way he has been. Neither of these men were given at birth the names that they use.
Miles Caldwell is an agoraphobic artist. He has shut himself away in the caretaker’s cottage on the grounds of a resort owned by his family. He is alone with the exception of his Congo African Parrot Grace and Sunday visits from his sister Lisa and his friends Doug and Bobby. He has not left the grounds of the resort in over ten years. His parents were killed in a car accident which is the major cause of his anxieties, but we aren’t told the details until well past the halfway point in the book.
Adam Craig is the front man, lead singer, guitar player and song writer for the popular heavy metal band Black Varen. He is a closeted gay man, because gay lead singers of rock bands do not sell records. The world believes he is bi-sexual, but he is only ever seen in public with women. He is not bi-sexual, and those closest to him know that he is gay.
Adam is tired. He is disillusioned with the life of a closeted rock star. The traveling, the drugs, the paparazzi, the pretending to like women. After the last concert of their current tour, he grabs a taxi and asks to go far from Chicago. While traveling, he begins to see familiar sights. Then he sees a sign for the resort that he and his family went to every summer until his parents got divorced. Some of his best childhood memories happened there. It was here he realized he was gay. His final summer spent here, he had a huge crush on one of the lifeguards, Mike.
Although the resort is obviously closed, an alcohol and drug confused Adam asks to be dropped off anyway. He wanders the grounds, remembering the lake and that final summer spent there. Eventually he sees signs of life in a small cottage, and falls asleep on a chaise lounge on the patio. He is rudely awakened in the morning by the resident, Miles Caldwell.
For some reason, Miles feels, if not friendly, at least not afraid of he stranger. He has no idea who Adam is and that is the best news Adam has had in a long time. They share as pot or two of coffee while they wait for Adam’s manager to arrive to pick him up. It becomes apparent that they are both gay. Adam kisses Miles, who then offers up himself for sex. He is hurt when Adam says no at first, but after an impromptu swim, they do have sex. It is what they both needed most in the world.
Adam has a couple of weeks off and gets a hotel room in Chicago with the agreement that if Miles wants him to, Adam will come back and spend that time at the cottage with him. Miles is only able to hold out for one day, then he asks Adam to come back. They spend an idyllic time together, bonding over old movie musicals and great sex until Adam has to go back to real life to record a new CD. He wants to come back at Thanksgiving, but Miles doesn’t believe he will.
Both suffer the loss of each others’ company. Miles becomes more depressed and Adam is in a funk while recording. They text and e-mail regularly. Sometimes Miles doesn’t know how to say what he wants to, so he begins to ignore Adam’s efforts at communication. Then he has his sister tell Adam he doesn’t want him to come for Thanksgiving. Adam refuses to give up. He Sends some very hot, personal photos and videos to Miles. During their time apart, they both realize that they are in love with each other.
Decisions are made. Adam decides to leave Black Varen after the next CD and tour. Miles is convinced by Lisa to wait a year to ask Adam to come back. During that year he will have intense therapy and will at least be somewhat better than he is now. If Adam doesn’t want to wait or doesn’t want to come back at the end of the year, Miles is no worse off than he is now. Miles begins therapy and actually likes the therapist and starts to make progress.
Adam agrees to abide by the one-year rule, but continues to stay in contact with Miles, going so far as to write a song for him. It’s while looking for the lyrics to that song on Adam’s computer, that a homophobic band member outs him. He is torn between elation at finally being able to be himself and what will happen to the people who depend on him to make a living.
During one last night on the town with his friend Evie, Adam takes some pills given to him by a band mate. Two men die that night because of those pills. Adam barely survives. He and Evie are both convinced to go to rehab for a couple of months. Adam will then move to an outpatient treatment facility.
Any more than this and I will be crossing the line into spoilerville, if I haven’t already. Seeing the improvement in Miles’s mental health was an amazing thing to behold. The courage Adam showed in his willingness to follow his dreams was admirable. Grace was hilarious. Evie, as the faux girlfriend was more of a friend to Adam than anyone else in his life. Reading the scene where Adam and his older brother are bickering in their mom’s kitchen and she sends Adam to his room brought back funny memories. This was a great read. Strongly recommended.
Miles Caldwell is an agoraphobic artist. He has shut himself away in the caretaker’s cottage on the grounds of a resort owned by his family. He is alone with the exception of his Congo African Parrot Grace and Sunday visits from his sister Lisa and his friends Doug and Bobby. He has not left the grounds of the resort in over ten years. His parents were killed in a car accident which is the major cause of his anxieties, but we aren’t told the details until well past the halfway point in the book.
Adam Craig is the front man, lead singer, guitar player and song writer for the popular heavy metal band Black Varen. He is a closeted gay man, because gay lead singers of rock bands do not sell records. The world believes he is bi-sexual, but he is only ever seen in public with women. He is not bi-sexual, and those closest to him know that he is gay.
Adam is tired. He is disillusioned with the life of a closeted rock star. The traveling, the drugs, the paparazzi, the pretending to like women. After the last concert of their current tour, he grabs a taxi and asks to go far from Chicago. While traveling, he begins to see familiar sights. Then he sees a sign for the resort that he and his family went to every summer until his parents got divorced. Some of his best childhood memories happened there. It was here he realized he was gay. His final summer spent here, he had a huge crush on one of the lifeguards, Mike.
Although the resort is obviously closed, an alcohol and drug confused Adam asks to be dropped off anyway. He wanders the grounds, remembering the lake and that final summer spent there. Eventually he sees signs of life in a small cottage, and falls asleep on a chaise lounge on the patio. He is rudely awakened in the morning by the resident, Miles Caldwell.
For some reason, Miles feels, if not friendly, at least not afraid of he stranger. He has no idea who Adam is and that is the best news Adam has had in a long time. They share as pot or two of coffee while they wait for Adam’s manager to arrive to pick him up. It becomes apparent that they are both gay. Adam kisses Miles, who then offers up himself for sex. He is hurt when Adam says no at first, but after an impromptu swim, they do have sex. It is what they both needed most in the world.
Adam has a couple of weeks off and gets a hotel room in Chicago with the agreement that if Miles wants him to, Adam will come back and spend that time at the cottage with him. Miles is only able to hold out for one day, then he asks Adam to come back. They spend an idyllic time together, bonding over old movie musicals and great sex until Adam has to go back to real life to record a new CD. He wants to come back at Thanksgiving, but Miles doesn’t believe he will.
Both suffer the loss of each others’ company. Miles becomes more depressed and Adam is in a funk while recording. They text and e-mail regularly. Sometimes Miles doesn’t know how to say what he wants to, so he begins to ignore Adam’s efforts at communication. Then he has his sister tell Adam he doesn’t want him to come for Thanksgiving. Adam refuses to give up. He Sends some very hot, personal photos and videos to Miles. During their time apart, they both realize that they are in love with each other.
Decisions are made. Adam decides to leave Black Varen after the next CD and tour. Miles is convinced by Lisa to wait a year to ask Adam to come back. During that year he will have intense therapy and will at least be somewhat better than he is now. If Adam doesn’t want to wait or doesn’t want to come back at the end of the year, Miles is no worse off than he is now. Miles begins therapy and actually likes the therapist and starts to make progress.
Adam agrees to abide by the one-year rule, but continues to stay in contact with Miles, going so far as to write a song for him. It’s while looking for the lyrics to that song on Adam’s computer, that a homophobic band member outs him. He is torn between elation at finally being able to be himself and what will happen to the people who depend on him to make a living.
During one last night on the town with his friend Evie, Adam takes some pills given to him by a band mate. Two men die that night because of those pills. Adam barely survives. He and Evie are both convinced to go to rehab for a couple of months. Adam will then move to an outpatient treatment facility.
Any more than this and I will be crossing the line into spoilerville, if I haven’t already. Seeing the improvement in Miles’s mental health was an amazing thing to behold. The courage Adam showed in his willingness to follow his dreams was admirable. Grace was hilarious. Evie, as the faux girlfriend was more of a friend to Adam than anyone else in his life. Reading the scene where Adam and his older brother are bickering in their mom’s kitchen and she sends Adam to his room brought back funny memories. This was a great read. Strongly recommended.
September 12, 2022
3.5 rounded down
Tiny lives when alone.
Loved the art, sex, films, friendships,
but not the time jumps.
Tiny lives when alone.
Loved the art, sex, films, friendships,
but not the time jumps.
Displaying 1 - 30 of 174 reviews