What Becomes of the Brokenhearted: A Memoir

by E. Lynn Harris

“In many ways writing saved my life. It’s my hope that sharing my experience will give hope to others who are learning to deal with their “difference.” I want them to know they don’t have to live their lives in a permanent “don’t ask, don’t tell” existence. Truth is a powerful tool.
“But my hope for this book doesn’t stop there. I think there is a message here for anyone who has ever suffered from a lack of self-esteem, felt the pain of loneliness, or sought love in all the wrong places. The lessons I have learned are not limited to race, gender, or sexual orientation. Anyone can learn from my journey. Anyone can overcome a broken heart.”--E. Lynn Harris

Genres: Memoir, Nonfiction, Biography, Mental Health, LGBT, Addiction, African American

288 pages, Paperback

First published April 10, 2003

About the author

E. Lynn Harris was born in Flint, Michigan and raised, along with three sisters, in Little Rock, Arkansas. He attended the University of Arkansas at Fayetteville where he was the school's first black yearbook editor, the first black male Razorbacks cheerleader, and the president of his fraternity. He graduated with honors with a degree in journalism.

Harris sold computers for IBM, Hewlett-Packard, and AT&T for thirteen years while living in Dallas, Washington, D.C., and Atlanta. He finally quit his sales job to write his first novel, Invisible Life, and, failing to find a publisher, he published it himself in 1991 and sold it mostly at black-owned bookstores, beauty salons, and book clubs before he was "discovered" by Anchor Books. Anchor published Invisible Life as a trade paperback in 1994, and thus his career as an author officially began.

Invisible Life was followed by Just As I Am (1994), And This Too Shall Pass (1996), If This World Were Mine (1997), Abide with Me (1999), Not A Day Goes By (2000), Any Way the Wind Blows (2001), A Love of My Own (2002), I Say A Little Prayer (2006), Just Too Good To Be True (2008), Basketball Jones(2009), and Mama Dearest(2009),all published by Doubleday, and In My Father's House(2010), published by St. Martin's Press. Ten of Harris's novels hit the New York Times bestseller list, and his books have also appeared on the bestseller lists of the Wall Street Journal, Publishers Weekly, USA Today, Entertainment Weekly, Washington Post, and Los Angeles Times. In 2003, Harris published his first work of nonfiction, a memoir entitled What Becomes of the Brokenhearted, which was also a New York Times bestseller. Today, there are more than four million copies of his books in print.

Harris's writing also appeared in Essence, Washington Post Sunday Magazine, and Sports Illustrated, as well as in the award-winning anthology Brotherman: The Odyssey of Black Men in America, Go The Way Your Blood Beats. His novella, "Money Can't Buy Me Love" was published in Got To Be Real: Four Original Love Stories. Freedom in This Village, a collection of short stories edited by Harris, was released in the fall of 2004. His short fiction appeared in Gumbo: A Celebration of African American Writers (Harlem Moon), a 2002 collection he edited with writer Marita Golden.

Harris won numerous accolades and prizes for his work. Just As I Am was awarded the Novel of the Year Prize by the Blackboard African-American Bestsellers, Inc. If This World Were Mine was nominated for a NAACP Image Award and won the James Baldwin Award for Literary Excellence. Abide with Me was also nominated for a NAACP Image Award. His anthology Freedom in this Village won the Lambda Literary Award in 2005. In 1999, the University of Arkansas honored Harris with a Citation of Distinguished Alumni for outstanding professional achievement, and in October 2000 he was inducted into the Arkansas Black Hall of Fame. He was named to Ebony's "Most Intriguing Blacks" list, Out Magazine's "Out 100" list, New York Magazine's "Gay Power 101" list, and Savoy's "100 Leaders and Heroes in Black America" list. Other honors included the Sprague Todes Literary Award, the Harvey Milk Honorary Diploma, and The Silas Hunt Award for Outstanding Achievement from the University of Arkansas at Fayetteville.

Harris was a member of the Board of Directors of the Hurston/Wright Foundation and the Evidence Dance Company. He was the founder of the E. Lynn Harris Better Days Foundation, a nonprofit company that provides support to aspiring writers and artists.

E. Lynn Harris passed away in 2009.

http://us.macmillan.com/inmyfathersho...

Reviews

[De · Rating 5 out of 5]

I've loved E. Lynn's books from the beginning and have read them all. This book can break your heart. To think of someone so talented who thinks so little of himself. You just want to track him down and give him a hug. And now he's passed. Re-reading to find inspiration in the self love he found before his death.

[Jay DeMoir · Rating 4 out of 5]

Delighted to have read about one of my favorite authors from his own point of view.
Very insightful.

[Les · Rating 4 out of 5]

I don't delve into memoirs too often, but E. Lynn Harris was really groundbreaking in terms of popularizing black, gay, urban fiction. It was my first experience reading about black men - in and out of the closet - that was normalized. I, and so many others, will forever be indebted to him for that. (I was a entering my teens when his books first dropped, so I'd only read "Blackbird" and "Giovanni's Room" before Harris's books). He died so suddenly and so young (54) that I felt this was my best shot at hearing about him from him. Everything leads up to him writing Invisible Life and getting some traction as a writer at the beginning of his career. I wanted to know about his life as an author, but I'm guessing he thought maybe he'd get to write a second memoir or perhaps he was too busy living that life. His upbringing and his closeted, corporate life - as well as his unending search for being loved and valued - is what comprises this book. It's enlightening and heartbreaking and just makes me more grateful for what he did while he was here. Wishing that the world could have been better to him and understanding all the reasons and excuses that it wasn't.

[Glenda · Rating 5 out of 5]

This was a rough book for me. I understood what he we thru with depression. I loved E Lynn and he got me into reading many years ago. He lived a rough life. I'm glad he was happy at the end with where he ended up. I was devastated when I heard of his passing years ago while I was at work. I'm so glad this audio was in his voice. RIP E Lynn you are missed so much.

[Sherry · Rating 5 out of 5]

This man has really been through a lot.

I love the book because I learned some things about the author. This man has been through a lot. It goes to show that even if you do have people in your life that love you, you still can battle depression. He did say in this book that he did not tell everything. May he rest in peace.

[Daniel Stewart · Rating 5 out of 5]

I don’t think words can express how much I feel like this book was written for me…

[Stephanie · Rating 5 out of 5]

Being a fan of E. Lynn Harris, I was very interested in getting to know him on a personal level. His novels have amused and intrigued me all of my high school career, which is when I was first introduced to him -- so there is history there. Who would've ever thought that this story-telling genius had such a tormented past?

In WHAT BECOMES OF THE BROKENHEARTED, Harris takes us back in time to Arkansas were he opens up about his abusive "step"-father, his fight with his sexuality & his desire to die.

Although the fact that much of his story focuses on the difficulty he faced growing up near penniless, as well as the ill-informed attitude of many who would not understand his battle with sexuality, Harris' core message is one pretty much everyone can relate to.

I have read every one of his novels, and now after reading his memoir, I believe that it now serves as a catalyst to understanding his storylines and characters.

Harris' story should motivate all readers to pave their own roads to happiness.

[Miss Trini]

I've been a fan of E.Lynn Harris from day 1 and the memoir just endeared him even more to me. The memoir allowed me to look in on the difficulties of his childhood and see how he struggled to come to terms with his identity and to remain true to himself. I've seen his writing style improve with every novel and this memoir was the icing on the cake.

[Tricia · Rating 5 out of 5]

A memoir of a depressed gay black man that grew up in Little Rock in the '60's. He lived life mostly in the closet hoping for a pill to make him happy, in love, and straight... How sad! But a great inspirational read that proves the human spirit can overcome the obstacles of life.

[RYCJ · Rating 5 out of 5]

Read this one in one sitting. IT IS A PAGE-TURNER. It wasn't always easy agreeing with his emotions and choices, but I couldn't disagree with the way he moved his story. I really loved the way E.Lynn told this one.

[Deedee Henson · Rating 5 out of 5]

Excellent Read

[Akilah · Rating 5 out of 5]

I was trying to remember how I came across this book, but I can't remember. I believe I was looking into books I remembered reading and loving when I was young, one of which (of course) was Invisible Life. In the end, I guess it doesn't matter how I found this memoir, but I'm glad that I did.

Harris starts his memoir with a description of a failed suicide attempt and uses this as a springboard to talk about his struggles with depression and how those struggles relate to his search for love--love from his family, friends, romantic partners, and himself. He doesn't shy away from talking about how deeply depressed he was at various points in his life, and some of the circumstances that exacerbated his depression. The memoir spans from his early childhood up to the publication of Invisible Life, starting with an incident where he got in trouble for twirling like his sisters to show off a beautiful coat he was proud to wear. This, I believe, is the first time he felt like who he was as a person was deemed wrong or not enough, a feeling that nagged him throughout his life, especially as he came to terms with his sexuality.

Though this memoir deals with clinical depression and abuse he faced at various times in his life--sometimes physical--I do have to say that I did not find this maudlin at all. The abuse is not described in detail, though Harris does sit with the confusion and feelings in the aftermath. More importantly, there is a lot joyful about his life, and he celebrates those moments as much, if not more, than he does the parts of his life that causes him pain.

If anything, I would recommend this book as a strong testament to the power of faith. Although Harris struggles to know who he is (and I know this sounds like a contradiction, but) he knows who he is and leans on that knowledge to get him through. Even when Harris was at his lowest, he still believed that his life could and probably did have meaning (yes, even during his suicide attempt), which is part of what allowed him to seek help for his depression and eventually led to him becoming a writer.

A lot of young (and some older, honestly) people, especially the ones I work with, don't truly understand what it meant to be a gay person before the turn of the century and why they can't joke with older members of their families who have recently come out of the closet. I try to explain to them that, yes, being gay is something society is largely okay with now, but that it wasn't that way as recently as when I was in high school. (Which is not recent to them, but you know what I mean.) The way sexuality was dealt with when I was in high school is completely foreign to many of my students, especially now that I teach in a big city. A book like this would go long way in showing them why their elders may be so reluctant to talk about those things. It also, of course, gives more context to what it was like to live through the AIDS crisis of the '80s and '90s.

I listened to this book, which was confusing at times, only because the book cover says READ BY THE AUTHOR, but I definitely found myself wondering if the way it was being read was the way E. Lynn Harris actually talked, which is a weird thing to think when you're listening to an audiobook narrated by the author. TURNS OUT, the version I listened to was NOT read by the author but was instead narrated by one Richard Allen. (Goodreads won't let me do an insert author deal here, so here's his Goodreads profile.) So, my confusion was warranted since it was indeed read by someone other than the author. (It was also originally a book on tape, so at the end of certain sections, Allen would very helpfully say, "This concludes tape [insert number here].") But all I want to know is WHY the book cover says it's read by the author when it most clearly is not. Even if it was a book on tape originally, that's still false advertising! So, yeah, I have a big problem with that.

But I digress.

My only complaint about the book (minus the false advertising of the audiobook, which I will never get over) is that Harris ends it with an epilogue that says he's in a loving relationship with a man but doesn't say how they met, fell in love, etc. While it's nice to know he did find love, given the title of the book, it would have been even nicer to get more info about what made that particular relationship different from the ones he had been in before.

I am still absolutely gutted by Harris's death (he died of heart disease, so, literally, a broken heart), but I am very happy he left behind this memoir so that readers could get to know the man behind the novels he wrote.

All in all, I highly recommend this book to anyone who loves the author's work, is a member of the LGBTQ+ community, is an ally, and/or struggles with depression.

[Leib Mitchell]

Book review
What Becomes of the Broken Hearted
E. Lynn Harris
5/5 stars
"The world through the eyes of an overlooked fraction of humanity."

This marvel-of-memory is a neat little book. (p.115--
Harris seems to remember the name of every single person that he has ever met. All the way down to the songs that he was listening to on a particular day 30 years before the publication of this book.)

It's definitely something a bit more than a your typical Done To Death Coming Out Story, because that's not all of the book, nor even most of it.

Many things set this apart:

1. Black people (be they African, American, Caribbean) do have in common the cultural trait of EXTREME homophobia. What might it be like to grow up around people this way?

How else to explain a black man that would have a same-sex encounter, and then immediately beat, slur, and eject his partner from the car? (p.88)

2. The author is very Southern.

He had to work hard in later life to lose his accent after he spent enough time being laughed at for being a country bumpkin.

There's also a lot more homophobia in The South (p.102).

3. Harris is a very long-suffering person; Nonetheless, his treatment is even handed and somehow he manages to escape the bitterness that I see in black people who have something to say about their formative years.

a. There are the Genuinely Bitter, such as Clarence Thomas (He grew up in an all black/Gullah speaking/ Afrocentric environment. But, his experiences created a lot of lingering bitterness that bled over into his own autobiography.)

b. There are the Manufacturedly Bitter-- like a lot of black people who didn't actually grow up around other blacks. (Ibram X. Kendi grew up around all white people, and Colin Kaepernick is a mulatto that was actually *raised* by them. But, being angry is expected and a sign of being cool and conscious.)

The fact that Harris is neither of these two is such a breath of fresh air.

4. In spite of it all, he seems to be a man of faith (p.257).

*****
If reading a book is to live "Des vies possible," then what life do we live by following Harris on his journey?

1. That of a battered stepchild. (And it happens a lot more often than most people know. 52% of children that are slaughtered by a parent are killed by a step parent.)

2. The son of a battered mother.

It is certainly not the first time that a woman deliberately gravitates toward men that beat her and her children, but I can think of extremely few examples where it is told from the perspective of the children.

3. An aesthete, black American style. (He uses so many color words that ONLY black people know.)

a. "Red-boned" (p.14)/"high-yellow" (p. 63) /"light-skinned" (p.64) "blue-black" (p.88)/"waffle brown" (p.100)/"passing" blacks (p.122).

b. He sure remembers exactly what everybody looked like and how beautiful they were--when they were.

It becomes such an issue in the book, that Harris comes across as downright superficial. (I almost think this series of bad relationships that he had was his comeuppance for being so shallow.)

4. A person who is getting enough experience with both sexes (for purposes of this review, there are only two) in order to find out what he likes. (p.51, etc).

Harris wrote a lot of best-selling books about that topic convincingly, precisely because it appears that he actually lived what he wrote. (p.113.... he admits his own experiences were the inspiration for "Invisible Life.")

5. A black person who lived through the time - - not too long ago - - when divorce of black couples was rare and blacks had a higher marriage rate even than whites. (p.29).

6. A black person who will tell the truth about intra-racial color prejudice (pps. 33, 131) -- Black people call it "colorstruck," and it is very common that a lot of black people will only consider "redbones" for romantic partners.

7. Lives the well-worn trope of a gay man falling in love with a Down-Low/ otherwise unavailable guy. (DL guys show up INCESSANTLY in this book. In every single chapter.)

8. Harris shows us the life/psyche of a person with masochistic tendencies, as well as their tendency to actively seek out abusive people. (The details of the love triangle in chapter 10 were just.... gobsmacking.)

This is the gay analog of a case that we have seen a thousand times: a woman passed over a perfectly normal Man to find that one that smacks her around.

9. He shows us what it is like to be a self-published author and claw his way to fame on a self-published book. (It's not common, and it is even less common for people to write about how they were able to pull it off.)

Verdict: Recommended at the used price.

[Jslem · Rating 4 out of 5]

I listened to the audiobook read by the author (and I'm glad I did). I have to admit that I had never heard of Mr. Harris before picking this book from a few 'available' books on Libby. I also chose this one because I like a good memoir especially from a fellow Arkansan.
For his life, times and location, E. Lynn Harris was a groundbreaking person and author. I'd never read a book about the lives, loves, ambitions and experiences of a black man (definitely not a closeted gay man from Little Rock, AR).
The book is about Lynn's young life and horrible abuse from his (step)father, his supportive family, his faith in God through his college days at UofA, his adventures into the corporate world, the fast paced and VIP lifestyle in Chicago, DC, Dallas, and NYC, and navigating the gay life in these high powered cities in the middle of the AIDS crisis. All these experiences finally lead him to writing not only from his personal knowledge but writing books he would have liked to have read as a younger person. Books that show well rounded narratives of gay black men in the 80s, 90s and their families, friends and love interests.
Lynn lived a full and exciting life but went through many losses and disappointments ultimately never finding the love of his life. However, he found a way through becoming grateful for the loves of his life. The book is enlightening and heartbreaking. I wish Lynn hadn't left us so soon and that he would have been able to write a second memoir of his later life. Rest in peace Lynn and Go Hogs!

[Diane Rembert · Rating 5 out of 5]

Everette Lynn Harris suffered emotional and physical abuse as a child, along with his mother…at the hands of his step -father Ben. He found solace in his aunts, uncles and cousins. He always felt a little different, and fought hard to be accepted amongst his peers and teachers. His comedic relief often took the place of his above average academics, but one administrator took him under his wing and steered him back into the right direction.

One Summer, he went to stay with relatives and had the opportunity to meet his biological father and additional siblings.

Lynn (as he was lovingly referred by friends and family) at one point, had just about anything he wanted, but still suffered with severe depression. For some reason, he felt like people only wanted him for what he could offer them and in some instances…he was right. While in therapy, he started to write down his feelings and the rest, as they say…is history. He actually attributes writing with saving his life.

I learned so much about this phenomenal author, and I regret the fact that I never had ever opportunity to meet him. I highly recommend this book and give it 💎💎💎💎💎.

[Aaron Blackwood · Rating 2 out of 5]

Someone recommended this memoir to inspire me to sell books because of E.Lynn selling books from his car, and for me to see his process of marketing. There was very little of that here. His career as an author was like an afterthought in the last couple of chapters of the book. It started on a recommendation as opposed to him seeing it as a career initially.
Prior to that was a lot of whining about not having love in his life and when he did find it, before this book was published. He said nothing about his partner but one sentence of them being in a ten year relationship.
It's been years since I've read some of E. Lynn's books and give him much props for being a pioneer in this genre. This memoir read like one of his books. There was a whole of crying, everyone was beautiful, a lot of name dropping of inconsequential people and a lot of drinking that lead to depression and attempted suicides.

[The Geeky Viking · Rating 5 out of 5]

The late E. Lynn Harris delivers a brilliantly told memoir of his life, chronicling his mistreatment at the hands of his abusive stepfather and the subsequent depression that would dog him for the rest of his life.

There's a lot of living crammed into these pages and Harris tells his story well, painting a vivid picture of what it was like to be black and gay during the 80's and the rise of the AIDS epidemic. He is also brutally honest when discussing his bouts with depression, which almost ended his life several times. Although the subject matter can be grim at times, this is an uplifting book on faith, self-acceptance, love, and how the belief in oneself can propel you to achieve even your loftiest dreams.

Highly recommended.

[Christina Packard · Rating 4 out of 5]

First I am amazed to see 2 star ratings, and maybe it is because they do their rating against classics, and award winning books. I see this book as a very honest telling of one individual. I found it written well enough for me and easy to read and I wanted to keep knowing what was going to happen next. For me, it certainly was eye opening to view life about a gay man, and interesting to see how he turned himself into a writer. I probably before never would have picked up this book to read except that it is on the 100 best Afro American book to read. I am glad that I did. I actually listened to this book which I felt added to my interest and liking of his story.

[Ye'Vell Hopkins · Rating 3 out of 5]

I’m so glad that a friend loaned me this book, after I noticed it on their bookshelf. I read E.Lynn’s novels years ago and can still recall how good they were. Having now read of his childhood abuse, his struggles with depression and coming to terms with being a gay black man in a time when it wasn’t spoken about freely, I appreciate his books so much more. Even though I remember hearing of his passing away some years ago, I’m mourning his death right now, because now it feels like I lost a friend. This memoir is worth a read and if you haven’t read any of E.Lynn’s books (and you’re not homophobic) please check them out.

[Mona · Rating 5 out of 5]

I love reading memoirs mainly because they allow readers an intimate peak into another humans life. What Becomes of the Brokenhearted is such an intimate and touching story. I cried reading this memoir because of the many issues the author discusses such as depression and addiction. His vulnerability in sharing his story was gift to his many fans.

[Wanda · Rating 3 out of 5]

I've always enjoyed E. Lynn Harris's books (R.I.P.) and reading about his life and inspirations was very interesting. While I enjoyed the book, parts felt rushed and there were too many names to keep track of. He would mention someone and I couldn't remember who they were or where they'd met.

[James Guevara · Rating 3 out of 5]

3.5 stars

I love his work, ever since I read Invisible Life when I was 16.
This one may be sad, and heartbreaking, but it has a happy ending.
Trigger warnings: homophobia, suicide, death of a loved one(s), alcoholism, depression

[April Denise · Rating 5 out of 5]

I read this book many years ago and enjoyed it and wanted to read it again. It’s a sad story but a real page-turner. I’m sad that E. Lynn Harris died so young and wish he had more time to enjoy the fruits of his labor but I’m also very happy that he became the wonderful author he was.

[Shawna · Rating 5 out of 5]

Love It.......

I love that we got to read about E. Lynn's life before he started writing. It was just has good as reading all of his books and I knew it would. R.I.P. Harris I wish he was still around to give more books to read.

[Ramona Dukes · Rating 5 out of 5]

Such a touching story. Mr. Harris was such a talented writer and his own personal story needed to be told.

[Rafael Suleiman · Rating 4 out of 5]

A very good memoir of E. Lynn Harris.

[Rosemary · Rating 5 out of 5]

You became to know the real E. Lynn Harris.

[Sue · Rating 4 out of 5]

Dreams do come true.

[Missy Mills · Rating 5 out of 5]

Life! Simply life. With all of its ups and downs. I felt every emotion possible. Thank you E Lynn Harris for this book.

[Ta · Rating 5 out of 5]

I've read about 5 of Harris' books before reading this memoir. I enjoyed it!