The Sociopath at the Breakfast Table: Recognizing and Dealing With Antisocial and Manipulative People

by Jane McGregor, Tim McGregor

Sociopaths can be found in every facet of life: personal relationships, work, school, and family. Most people have been in a relationship or interacted with more than one sociopath in their lifetime, often not recognizing their danger until it was too late. The Sociopath At the Breakfast Table breaks new ground in the field of abusive relationships. It presents an emerging theory about sociopathic interaction: SEAT, or the "Sociopath-Empath-Apath Triad." With this new found understanding of how sociopaths worm their way into people's lives, readers can use the tips and techniques found in this book to protect themselves from potential harm. More importantly, the authors show how empathy can be used as an antidote to sociopathic abuse - thus, victims are able to seize back power and ultimately regain control over their lives. This book presents readers information and tips on every aspect of interactions with a sociopath, from avoiding meeting one, to getting rid of them, dealing with the aftermath, and regaining control of their life.

Genres: Psychology, Nonfiction, Self Help, Science

72 pages, Paperback

First published January 7, 2014

Reviews

[Patty · Rating 5 out of 5]

Sociopaths aren’t just crazy, dangerous, even darkly glamorous folks you read about in books or see in movies, and often they are not a thing “that only happens to other people”. After reading this, I am pretty certain I have encountered my fair share of them: people without empathy or conscience, charming perhaps, but cruel, manipulative, seemingly taking joy in inflicting pain on others, or at least not care if they do, as long as they get what they want. They don’t have to be of the scale of Hannibal Lecters or Patrick Batemans.

Identifying them as what they are is half the battle, and then knowing to remove them from your life like a nasty splinter because there is nothing you can do to save or change them. The only thing you can do when encountering a sociopath is run for the hills. However, this is easier said than done when said sociopath is a member of your family, or in other ways intrinsically linked to you. It’s even harder when you’re still a child and are completely at their mercy. This is where this book comes in. With the help of lots of case studies, it explains and illustrated the way sociopaths interact with their targets, how they are enabled, how and why they choose their victims, what type of person is most at risk, how to deal with complex family situations and how to remove yourself and your loved ones from their influence, as well as how to emotionally cope with the aftermath.

A compassionate, but honest and direct, and very accessible and useful read, I found myself highlighting lots of passages and taking notes. Can only recommend this.

[Jason · Rating 3 out of 5]

netgalley arc


Right away, within the first page the authors notes that this won't be another book heavily invested in examining mental illness from the viewpoint of the DSM-V. This is a refreshing change, because most of these books are not person centered. Also valuable was the way it approached the subject. It was written in an ease not akin to a self-help book, nor a academic resource.

Unfortunately it seems that the bulk of studies around this group are done in areas of physical restriction, such as hospitals and jails, limiting our ability to fully canvas the amount of people afflicted by 'antisocial personality disorder'. This doesn't suggest a deficit in this work, because the authors' utilized what was available, but it is something to keep in mind.

You probably know someone who fits the category of sociopath, or at the very least know an individual who functions on his/her ability to manipulate beyond the degree that is socially expected and ethical. It isn't just their ability to manipulate, these individuals are hypnotic in their charming personalities allowing them to exact the full brunt of their chaotic patterns of social intercourse. Emotional abuse and aggression take there toll on individuals living, working, or socializing with 'sociopaths'. The sociopath's secret? their behaviors often mimic those commonly found in the general population—this presents its own diagnostic challenges, which are addressed in the book—, such as betrayal, outburst, disruptions in social intercourse, and lying. The difference, well that is easy… these individuals are on super-drive.

A nice chapter summary positioned at the front of the book informs the reader of the focus of each chapter. Case stories are offered throughout, which further the readers understanding of this complex topic.

It is framed through the lens of the impact of abuse and neglect, often functioning in a covert manner, on 'victims of sociopaths'. This presents an interesting angle of a topic that has received scant attention. The result is a more personable account of the disorder, with a primary focus on focusing on the human experience, rather than assaulting the reader with clinical information.

However, there are consequences to embracing this point of view. Escaping from the traditional paradigm used to examine many mental health disorders has its positive aspects, but it also presents some challenges. Readers may lack a basic understanding of this disorder, and the authors' conscious efforts to avoid a heavy clinical perspective may present some difficulties in fully conceptualizing the topic. However, this isn't suggesting that this book negates current research or is founded on personal opinion. The backbone of this book is still very much research based.

Also, this approach does tend to offer only brief moments where the psychopath is examined from his/her perspective. This is only a thinly relevant complaint, as the blurb excludes this subtopic as a focus of extensive examination.

[Randall Wallace · Rating 4 out of 5]

This is a must read about sociopathy because it gets strongly involved with the new SEAT analysis (Sociopath-Empath-Apath Triad). Sociopaths are usually too narcissistic to destroy their victims by themselves, so according to Martha Stout (in The Sociopath Next Door) all sociopaths pose convincingly as a real victim themselves to disarm those around their family and at work while deliberately stressing false information to Apaths (people who are either well meaning but easily swayed and/or those naturally susceptible to unverified gossip) to induce them to bring forth to uncontaminated others the Sociopath’s fabricated stories in order to permanently alienate and destroy the reputation of the “target” (usually an Empath). Hitler didn’t have to ask for genocide in writing, the Apaths under him (60% of the German population) were willing to believe his lies without evidence and did his dirty work for him making direct culpability difficult. Apaths today are the 60% of Americans that, as Stanley Milgram showed in his experiments, will not challenge power or people pretending to have powerful information that is secretly false.

In the end mental health requires a connection to humanity. That shouldn’t be asking for too much. ☺ Instead our dominant culture esteems sociopaths like Dick Cheney (out-ed as one by Martha Stout) for their contributions to our dying capitalist system. Our children are at risk to sociopaths on TV and around them (4% of the American population) personally bearing false dreams, false accusations and false scapegoats. Like American traders in the old west willing to offer worthless glass baubles to natives in an effort to dupe them, sociopaths shout ‘n sell their purposely sad stories of victimization and lies to all ears, not unlike an unclean Dickensian character hawking fried fish at rush hour…

[Janet · Rating 3 out of 5]

This was a very well written introduction to the 'Sociopath' and I would recommend it as a reference piece. It was a fast read for me. It was a bit on the clinical side for me, even the anecdotes and case studies were a bit dry. That being said, the sociopath is defined and described quite well, as are the steps involved in interacting with one. If you have a manipulative person in your life, or think you might be easily manipulated because of your being an empath, this would be a nice reference for you.
*I received my copy from NetGalley.com in exchange for an honest review.

[Madonna Valentine · Rating 5 out of 5]

The description of the "triad" of sociopath, empath and apath makes a lot of sense in this book and certainly described my experience and explains how sociopaths get away with destroying others' lives. The section on gas lighting where the sociopath attempts to make the empath question their sanity by repeatedly lying and denying their behaviors is also enlightening. I recommend this book to everyone who has ever questioned their sanity while dealing with a sociopath.

[Rikke · Rating 4 out of 5]

Highly recommend this book if you have some sort of interaction with a sociopath/psychopath and want to understand your own responses better and how to deal and move on. It is also very helpful to get an understanding of what someone who has a sociopath in their life is dealing with.

The book is well-written and contains a variety of exercises and resources and therefore also helpful for coaches.

Note: I read the Danish version where the links and resources had been adapted to Denmark, which is highly appreciated.

[Tami · Rating 4 out of 5]

Highly recommend this book. Wish it had been available to read much earlier to aid in the process of dealing with a sociopath coworker at my previous job. Feel better informed, prepared, and able to recognize the next sociopath I encounter.

[LaGina · Rating 5 out of 5]

All I can say is WOW. This wasn't what I was expecting. There was a chapter summary at the front of the book that helped me to know what was going on with each chapter. Case stories helped explain what was being talked about.

[Pauline Plissner · Rating 5 out of 5]

A good book for recognizing and coping with abusive relationships.

[Sheryl Maurer · Rating 2 out of 5]

Two stars only because the content was not what I was seeking.

[Sarca · Rating 3 out of 5]

If you read their other book, "The Empathy Trap", you'd get the same info only in long form. Still insightful, but brief.

[Tasha Stepongzi · Rating 5 out of 5]

It is a good introduction to sociopathy and the SEAT triad. It is definitely helpful for recognizing toxic behavior, as well as identifying how well you empathize with others. It seems to have been well researched and I love that the author includes references to other books. I’ve already added them to delve deeper into the subject.

[Simone · Rating 4 out of 5]

Having evidence that your ex was pretty much a sociopath is pretty intense; going back through the descriptions of what targeted people experience when entangled with one is pretty wild. But on top of that, discovering that your brother was most likely a sociopath as well is just all sorts of exhausting. Definitely an interesting read and I would suggest it to everyone. Not only does it delve into a personality disorder that many people only vaguely know of, but it also holds the reader responsible for recognizing and aiding those trapped in the sights of a sociopath while arguing that they would not have as much power and influence in our society if empathy were a wider discussed and accepted trait. Overall, definitely worth a read.

[Briana Ford · Rating 3 out of 5]

A very quick read, a little over 100 pages with the rest being an empathy quotient test, resources and such. A very technical book about what a sociopath is, what they do, how they affect those of us who have empathy, and how to guard ourselves from them. Includes case stories, some with a bit of off topic info. Was written by a couple who have mental-health experience, but never touched on if they've dealt with sociopaths in their lives, which I think would've made it a bit more endearing. Seemed very entry-level, which wasn't bad for me since I'm new to the subject. But some explanations, like suggestions on dealing with stress and negative thoughts could've been skipped.

[Kimberly · Rating 4 out of 5]

The Sociopath At The Breakfast Table is a very basic, easily-understandable primer on how to recognize those without a conscience. In terms of identifying a sociopath, it is short, precise, and to the point. In terms of dealing with one, this book seems to be best suited for those who have been romantically involved with a sociopath and are attempting to recover. An empathy quotient questionnaire, further recommended reading, and mentions of a few places from which to seek help are also included. After reading this, if you would like a more in-depth look into the antisocial personality, I would recommend The Sociopath Next Door by Martha Stout.

[Vanessa Ricci-Thode · Rating 4 out of 5]

This is a great book featuring the importance of cultivating empathy and on the dangers and realities of contact with sociopaths. This book was not around when I was the target of a sociopath in high school, but as an adult, it reinforces my belief that I handled the situation properly. It's made me a little more confident in my perceptions of other people. People who have never had the misfortune of being targeted by sociopaths often feel like the portrayal of sociopaths is overblown. If everyone read this book, or any of the other books by the McGregors, I feel other people would gain a greater understanding of what is actually a massive, invisible problem in society.

[Paul · Rating 4 out of 5]

Good book on how to cope with sociopaths, i.e., people who have anti-social personality disorder. Sociopaths behave differently than non-sociopaths and sociopaths have the potential to cause much suffering and chaos in other peoples live. The book provides valuable recommendations for people who have been in relationships with sociopaths.

[Jill Crosby · Rating 3 out of 5]

Pretty decent intro to the narcissists who live among us; emphasis on the victim and coping/recovering strategies. Less about narcissistic markers that indicate an anti-social personality

[Red · Rating 3 out of 5]

A good companion book to the Sociopath Next Door. Says more about the kinds of groups sociopaths form around themselves.

[Marimc · Rating 4 out of 5]

Very good.

[Trace Kerr · Rating 3 out of 5]

Using it for character research. Was surprised by just how many non empathetic people they think are in the world.

[Serena · Rating 3 out of 5]

A sound, simplistic primer on the impacts, red flags and responses to callous manipulators and pervasive sociopaths in various social circles.