Riptide: Struggling with and Resurfacing from a Daughter's Eating Disorder

by Barbara Hale-Seubert

"Riptide" is the raw and revealing account of the author's journey during the ten years her oldest daughter struggled with anorexia and bulimia, a battle that ended with her death at age 23 in February 2000. Motherhood is about nurturing and protecting your child, yet with eating disorders, as with any addiction complicated by mental illness, parents can feel frustrated with powerlessness and filled with guilt and fear as they watch their beloved child consumed by a condition that has life - threatening power. Eating disorders are rampant, with emaciated stars on the covers of tabloids and the modeling industry being challenged about unhealthy, unrealistic images of what is desirable. In the face of these ubiquitous images, obesity is at an all - time high among children and teens, driving more and younger children to ''experiment'' with anorectic and bulimic behaviors. That means more parents and caregivers need to understand how to cope and not only try to help these children, but also take care of themselves.Using her unique perspective as a mother and psychotherapist, Barbara Hale - Seubert vividly chronicles her rollercoaster of grief, fear, and powerlessness. Here, Hale - Seubert holds onto the hope that her daughter could salvage some form of a life not fully eclipsed by the disorder, while at the same time learning to surrender what was out of her control and embracing, once again, the grace and value in her own life. "Riptide" offers other parents the redemptive solace that comes with knowing that they aren't alone in their struggles.

Genres: Nonfiction, Memoir

256 pages, Paperback

First published January 1, 2011

Reviews

[Hannah · Rating 2 out of 5]

i have a hard time rating memoirs as they are such personal glimpses into a person’s life and experiences.
while this book was heartbreaking, it felt like it ended very abruptly after the passing of the authors daughter. I wish the author had taken a bit more time to explore how some of the other family members were impacted by her older daughter’s eating disorder and how their family dynamics changed throughout the years.

[Erica · Rating 3 out of 5]

I've read a lot of books about eating disorders, but this is by far the saddest and the only one where I didn't relate at all to the eating disordered individual.

The book seemed incomplete somehow. Erin tragically dies after a 10 year battle with anorexia and bulimia... and that's it. Barbara Hale-Seubert doesn't talk about how her daughter's death affected her or her other children. Even after reading an entire book about Erin, I don't know anything about her, except that her mother took her daughter's eating disorder very personally.

[Sarah · Rating 2 out of 5]

Do you ever have the dilemma when faced with a sad Facebook post of whether or not to hit the "like" button? Does hitting the like button mean you are glad the person is going through hard times or is it an indication of support? Rating Riptide falls into the same category. To say that I "liked" this book would be incorrect, for it is a terribly depressing and disturbing read. However, the author gives an unflinching account of the reality of living with a child driven into darkness by an eating disorder. For those unfamiliar with the disease, this IS what it is like, this IS the daily life of the families unfortunate enough to live with the mini terrorists labeled anorexic.
It is considered uncouth to speak ill of the dead, but I'm going to. Erin, Barbara Hale-Seubert's daughter, was a horrible person once the disease became firmly entrenched in her psyche. No family should ever have to deal with a child like that. Although all with eating disorders struggle, it is the anorexics who are the worst. They are the most selfish, life-sucking, draining piranhas on the planet. If I were the parent of an anorexic I might be tempted to skip town and not look back. This author's grief and frustration are understandable. Nonetheless, I do not agree with her resignation. It seemed as though she lost hope early on, she frequently confesses to her belief her daughter would never amount to anything other than the shell of a human she had become. Where was the fight in either mother or daughter? When drowning does not one instinctively kick harder, grasping for breath? And, if she was truly resigned to the fact the her daughter was going to die, why not completely cut off all ties? Of course, not being a parent myself, it is easy for me to sit in the seat of judgement but, lest you missed my earlier evaluation of Erin, I am judgmental.
Additionally, the author's career as a therapist means that she often lapses into analytical thinking of the wavy gravy psych speak variety. Pronouncing symbolism in her daughter's weirdo artwork and likening her starvation to Christ. Pretty sure that's known as blasphemy. While I can see why she would doubt her daughter's ability to bounce back to any semblance of normalcy and her wariness when Erin assured her things were looking up, I did become angry at her lack of faith that a relationship with God might help. For I do believe with God recovery is possible, even when all else has failed, even with the demon an anorexic becomes.
I would not recommend this book to anyone other than an anorexic because perhaps this raw glimpse of the horror of a (boo, hoo, poor baby) anorexic "sufferer's behavior will shake some sense into the the bony little s#$t. Not that I am naive enough to think someone with an eating disorder can be scared into recovery but it is good to know the reality of the destruction left in one's wake.

[Tanya · Rating 5 out of 5]

What a beautiful, honest point of view from the mother of a daughter who suffered from anorexia. I was diagnosed with anorexia myself 19 years ago, so I completely understand the "disease" aspect of it that puzzles those who do not have it. However, it was very touching to see the complexity in which this disease reaches out and also hurts those around the eating disorder victim. I have put my own family through "not so nice" times because of my eating disorder, and after reading this I can appreciate what my own mother must have felt. Very honest, very raw and a beautiful piece of writing.

[Amy · Rating 5 out of 5]

Wow

I chose this rating for the honesty and rawness..my heart aches for you and the riptide you and Erin experienced

[Toby · Rating 4 out of 5]

As a former client of Barbara Hale-Seubert's, I understand now why she was so insistent that I received treatment for my eating disorder when it resurfaced after a time of "remission." Looking back quite a few years, I can now see why my mother acted the way that she did when I was struggling as a teen with the same issues that Erin, Barb's daughter, did throughout this book.

Barb's writing style is frank, honest, and open. She readily admits that she has struggled with her own perceptions during Erin's eventually fatal struggle with anorexia and bulimia. Her story is more about her struggles and worries as a mother during Erin's eating disorder, and less about Erin's struggles - unlike most books about eating disorders. Her story resembled Anne Lamott's writing in her most recent book,Some Assembly Required: A Journal of My Son's First Son, in that Barb talks about her struggles with being a mother (akin to Anne's struggles with being a grandmother). Often Barb fights with herself, worrying that she has been a bad mother to Erin, struggling with letting Erin take responsibility for her own choices.

Although the book ends with Erin's death, Barb manages to leave the memoir on a good note: As I stood in front of the Pieta in Florence, I became one with all mothers throughout time who had suffered and grieved, cradled in the arms of the Great Heart that is able to hold us together, knows our pain, and gives us the strength to go on" (p. 196).

I would recommend this book to anyone who is facing a similar struggle as Barb had; to anyone who wants or needs a reminder that eating disorders can be and are fatal; and to anyone who wants a story of hope and redeeming love. Yes, Erin died, but at the end, right before her death, she finally had the relationship that she had longed for, for years, with her mother.

[Christina Annette Yoder · Rating 2 out of 5]

Heartbreaking.

[Tina · Rating 3 out of 5]

This book is a 3.5 stars for me.

It was good, but the author just kept meandering and it removed some of my interest. Not sure we needed to have pages and pages about her parents. It was a bit boring.

The book picks up when the author describes her situations and has actual dialogue with her daughter. This is what was missing from this book, more dialogue would have given this another layer.

[Angie crosby · Rating 4 out of 5]

I have never read an account of a child's ed from a parents point of view. This book was raw yet riveting. The pain and heartache was plain to see.

I do think this book was lacking after her death. In how the author handled it, felt, thought, etc. I think it important to other parents in similar shoes. Though I also understand how private that is.

[Lynn · Rating 3 out of 5]

Good story, but I found myself hoping to extract advice or larger truths, and it is very much just a memoir. I did like the aspect of it being a window into this disease through the mind of a parent. Maybe it's because I have no emotional connection to this disease, just an interest as I participate in a sport known to be susceptible and have known peers (though not closely) with it.

[Tom Kemp · Rating 2 out of 5]

I can see how this would help after you've lost your child to an eating disorder, but avoid if you're currently going through it. It will sap you of your hope. I wanted to quit halfway through this book. I wish I'd had.

[Erin Sehorn · Rating 4 out of 5]

pretty good read for families struggling with the aftermath of an eating disorder. I feel bad that the author's daughter didn't make it, and wish they'd had the opportunity to try Maudsley.

[Bethany Pagel · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is a book that pierces me right in the heart, but for all the right reasons. I felt the tremendous love this poor mother was going through doing all she could to save her starving daughter.