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The story is OK, and the novel ends on a hopeful note (sort of), but Olmstead’s style is irritating. So many of his word choices stand out like the obstreperous know-it-all in Mrs. Pickering’s English class. “I know, Teacher! I know! Over here! Call on me!” Below are some of the most egregious examples.
61 “The air was heating and the day was like the two halves of what you are and they were split open like a chest with no attending surgeon to hover the interior.” Lovers undergoing heart surgery. Lovely simile. Sooo subtle. And why make “hover” a transitive verb?
92 “the beacon lights reflecting on the swimming motes that densed in the wet sky.” What does verbing the noun “dense” add?
92 “He carried the BAR and two harnesses of .30-caliber magazines.” “Magazines” should be “cartridges.”
92 “the heavy weight of their armamentary.” I know, “armamentary” is “an armory; a magazine or arsenal.” But what justifies its use here? When Wordsworth writes “Of something far more deeply interfused,” that is le mot juste. I cannot imagine any other word in place of “interfused.” But “armanentary”?
101 “He came to a place beneath hackled trees.” The trees looked like they had been combed out with a hackle? Or their hackles were up because of the killing beneath them? Would you like preciosity or anthropomorphism with your prose? How about both together? Win-win!
108 “Each man knew they were the lethal plaything of the old men who directed them, the old men who were always fighting the last war.” Here we go, that hoariest of war clichés. “Yeah, man, if we put the old politicians and generals on the front line we’d have no more wars, man. Hey, don’t bogart that joint, my friend!” Those who glibly repeat such commonplaces should study some history. Napoleon was 26 when he commanded the artillery in the streets of Paris on 13 Vendémiaire, cutting his fellow citizens apart with “a whiff of grapeshot.” Alexander was 21 when he had Thebes burnt to the ground, all the men killed, and the women and children sold into slavery. But the civilian dead must have gone “gentle into that good night” because the victors were not led by old men.
116 “An icy red glow flared in the southeast and the frozen and shuttered land became a profile of multiplicated spurs, razors, and spines many times folded.” Why “multiplicated”?
143 “Plane after plane flew in and scraped off its napalm.” How does a plane “scrape off” napalm? Napalm canisters were dropped like bombs.
205 “The past was coming and soon he would descend into its whelm.” Here we go, nouning a verb. To what end?
208 “If you ask me my opinion,” the captain, said, “love is the foremost disease of the chest.” On p. 61 the narrator compares love to open-heart surgery, here we are subjected to the same image in homelier guise, the “wisdom” of a tugboat captain.
209 “there was silent traffic stopped at the intersections.” Traffic at intersections was never silent in 1952, at least a half century before the advent of automatic stop/start systems.
212 “He liked the dentist. He was elderly with an enchanted disposition.” “Enchanted”? Why? If Olmstead is trying to paint with words, he’s lost me here.
240 The boys “began to pile the stones into cairns, as if possessed by the helpless need to build.” “Possessed” and “helpless”—how condescending. There are far less innocent activities for young boys. Let boys be boys, at least in this case.
279 “He crossed over the beclouded darkness of the river, where all night long were the murmurations of vapors, ghosts, and mists …” I suppose “murmurations” can be used that way, but it’s annoying and adds nothing.
282 “the sparrowlike smells that attend a baby in its nursery.” Why “sparrowlike”? As a boy I spent many hours shooting sparrows, as a man I spent much time around babies, but I never noticed “sparrowlike smells” from the latter.
284 “He felt her fingers on his back, his letheless skin.” What a procrustean injection of Greek mythology.