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You Are What You Say: The Proven Program that Uses the Power of Language to Combat Stress, Anger, and Depression
"Why are you sick?" This question, posed in compassion by his grandmother Minnie after a childhood incident plunged him into illness, stayed with Dr. Matthew Budd throughout his lifetime in medicine. As a teacher and physician at Harvard for more than thirty years, he repeatedly asked his patients this question. He found, remarkably, that it often unlocked memories, secrets, anger, resentments, and fears that had played crucial roles in their illnesses.
As he encouraged his patients to reflect on their lives and habitual behavior, they often shifted from being trapped in suffering to designing a life of wellness and profound personal change for themselves, no matter what their circumstances. Their experiences led Dr. Budd to develop the Ways to Wellness program, a nationally acclaimed workshop offered by numerous HMOs.
In You Are What You Say , Dr. Budd presents the principles of this powerful, scientifically validated program that weaves ancient and modern insights into human behavior, neurophysiology, language, and spirituality. One of these fundamental principles is that you are what you say -- your words play a major role in determining, not just reflecting, your health and well-being. He explains how the body "learns" many of its reactions, consciously and unconsciously, through language.
By following the principles in this book, you'll learn about the Ten Linguistic Viruses that damage health and how to combat the ravages of anger, perfectionism, depression, and anxiety by changing the script of what you say to yourself and to others.
As he encouraged his patients to reflect on their lives and habitual behavior, they often shifted from being trapped in suffering to designing a life of wellness and profound personal change for themselves, no matter what their circumstances. Their experiences led Dr. Budd to develop the Ways to Wellness program, a nationally acclaimed workshop offered by numerous HMOs.
In You Are What You Say , Dr. Budd presents the principles of this powerful, scientifically validated program that weaves ancient and modern insights into human behavior, neurophysiology, language, and spirituality. One of these fundamental principles is that you are what you say -- your words play a major role in determining, not just reflecting, your health and well-being. He explains how the body "learns" many of its reactions, consciously and unconsciously, through language.
By following the principles in this book, you'll learn about the Ten Linguistic Viruses that damage health and how to combat the ravages of anger, perfectionism, depression, and anxiety by changing the script of what you say to yourself and to others.
272 pages, Paperback
First published June 1, 2000
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Displaying 1 - 5 of 5 reviews
May 25, 2016
I found this book to be full of wisdom and inspiration. I loved how the first chapter calls you to action in the first chapter: "Most people will probably read as observers, standing outside looking in, without much personal involvement. You learn about something rather than learning it experientially...Now it's time for you to make a decision. Are you content simply to learn about this program or are you going to learn by living it?". That snapped me into attention, as I am an avid reader of non-fiction, but the sentiments resonate with me for such a short time that I wonder if I had really learned or grown from it at all. If it hadn't been for that line, I may not have attempted the exercises at the end of each chapter in order to apply the knowledge.
Although, based on the title and subtitle of the book, I think it's misrepresented: "You Are What You Say: A Harvard Doctor's Six-Step Proven Program for Transforming Stress Through the Power of Language". I have read a book called "The Five Rules of Thought", which is about understanding how our thoughts manifest our reality, and how learning how to be aware of your thought patterns and consciously try to develop healthier patterns, you can transform your life. Although, this book didn't follow that format. Only in the fourth chapter do the authors directly touch upon the description of the book where they dissect language into 5 groupings (assessments, assertions, requests, promises and declarations) so that readers may be more equipped to recognize which action in language they are making so they can become aware and begin to manipulate their habits of language. The chapter also describes and provides an exercise on communicating clearly, and gives "10 Linguistic Verses" to describe common failures of communication.
I did not find the 5 actions in language clearly indistinguishable, as he had mentioned. For example, I find it hard to delineate between promises and declarations. A promise is defined in the book as " what you speak to indicate your commitment to fulfilling what someone else has requested" and a declaration is defined as "an utterance in which someone with the authority to do so brings something into being that wasn't there before". The latter is not very clear to me, perhaps a bit too abstract. He provides the example of the Declaration of Independence, which doesn't really have application for the average person who is not writing historical documents that impact millions of people for decades to come, so he provides a more humble example of someone who makes the declaration to lose weight and listening to their wife's concerns with more patience. It is not clear to me how this is distinguishable from a promise, especially if, in the latter example, the wife had requested or mentioned that she would like this behaviour. Then it seems like it would fall under the definition of "fulfilling a commitment that someone else had requested". Are the two mutually exclusive? There is too short of a description for me to figure this out on my own.
I was also surprised that he did not mention non-verbal communication at all in the book. I understand that this does not fall into written or verbal communication, but I found it strange to not at least give it a passing mention, especially since most of communication is non-verbal, but perhaps this concept was more contemporary than when this book was written.
There were many sentiments that I found interesting and ruminated over, but it is difficult to link the book's contents into once central idea or title in order to characterize it. Still though, it is a treasure in my book collection, adorned (or scarred, for the people who view marking your book as a great offense to the author) in my musings in the margins and highlights of particularly inspirational text that I will refer back to in order to preserve the ideas in my consciousness.
Although, based on the title and subtitle of the book, I think it's misrepresented: "You Are What You Say: A Harvard Doctor's Six-Step Proven Program for Transforming Stress Through the Power of Language". I have read a book called "The Five Rules of Thought", which is about understanding how our thoughts manifest our reality, and how learning how to be aware of your thought patterns and consciously try to develop healthier patterns, you can transform your life. Although, this book didn't follow that format. Only in the fourth chapter do the authors directly touch upon the description of the book where they dissect language into 5 groupings (assessments, assertions, requests, promises and declarations) so that readers may be more equipped to recognize which action in language they are making so they can become aware and begin to manipulate their habits of language. The chapter also describes and provides an exercise on communicating clearly, and gives "10 Linguistic Verses" to describe common failures of communication.
I did not find the 5 actions in language clearly indistinguishable, as he had mentioned. For example, I find it hard to delineate between promises and declarations. A promise is defined in the book as " what you speak to indicate your commitment to fulfilling what someone else has requested" and a declaration is defined as "an utterance in which someone with the authority to do so brings something into being that wasn't there before". The latter is not very clear to me, perhaps a bit too abstract. He provides the example of the Declaration of Independence, which doesn't really have application for the average person who is not writing historical documents that impact millions of people for decades to come, so he provides a more humble example of someone who makes the declaration to lose weight and listening to their wife's concerns with more patience. It is not clear to me how this is distinguishable from a promise, especially if, in the latter example, the wife had requested or mentioned that she would like this behaviour. Then it seems like it would fall under the definition of "fulfilling a commitment that someone else had requested". Are the two mutually exclusive? There is too short of a description for me to figure this out on my own.
I was also surprised that he did not mention non-verbal communication at all in the book. I understand that this does not fall into written or verbal communication, but I found it strange to not at least give it a passing mention, especially since most of communication is non-verbal, but perhaps this concept was more contemporary than when this book was written.
There were many sentiments that I found interesting and ruminated over, but it is difficult to link the book's contents into once central idea or title in order to characterize it. Still though, it is a treasure in my book collection, adorned (or scarred, for the people who view marking your book as a great offense to the author) in my musings in the margins and highlights of particularly inspirational text that I will refer back to in order to preserve the ideas in my consciousness.
February 17, 2015
This week's read for Managerial Psychology. Not life changing or anything but some interesting material. I'd expected Budd to spend more time on speech and language given the book's title. Major takeaways: the brain is "plastic"--changeable... i.e. we're not stuck; we live in language and shape powerful personal narratives; our moods and thought structures have significant ramifications for our health and physiology (already knew that).
December 12, 2025
Está excelentemente escrito y editado. Escrito con amor.
August 21, 2008
So insightful with lot's of great exercises to put into practice.
December 19, 2014
A very down to earth account of language related practices developed by a doctor to help his patients manage stress -- loved it!
Displaying 1 - 5 of 5 reviews