Endings and Beginnings

by Redi Tlhabi

Redi Tlhabi, warm-hearted, charismatic and loved throughout South Africa is as well known for her 702 and Cape Talk radio show as she is for her TV performances and Sunday Times newspaper column. In this astonishing debut, Endings and Beginnings, she makes the painful journey back to her death-marred childhood, a journey in which she eventually finds peace and allows her demons to rest.

Redi grew up in the '80s in Orlando, Soweto, with thoughts and emotions so intense they nearly swallowed up her childhood. It was a time when Soweto was under siege from two forces - apartheid and endemic, normalized crime. It was not strange or unusual to refer to so-and-so as 'the rapist' or so-and-so as 'the killer'. It was also at this time that her father - her hero - was violently murdered, his body discovered on the street, with one eye removed. The perpetrators were never found, and the neighbourhood continued to talk about how he had to be buried without his eye. And then Redi meets Mabegzo: handsome, charming and smooth; Mabegzo, rumoured gangster, murderer and rapist, a veritable 'jack-roller' of the neighbourhood. Against her family's wishes she develops a strong and sometimes uncomfortable attraction to him. Redi herself doesn't understand why she is drawn to Mabegzo and why, at eleven, she feels the way that she does for this man known to many as a menace. Then he too is found lying dead in a pool of blood, two years after the death of her father. Redi has to remind herself to stay sane.

Endings and Beginnings is Redi's quest to find out the truth about the circumstances surrounding her father's death. As an adult she visits his grave and decides to find the people that killed her father and ask them why. She also goes on a quest to finally humanise Mabegzo who was hated and abhorred by so many when he was alive. She visits and speaks to his family, friends and neighbours and pieces together the life of this man who came fleetingly through her life but whose presence she would feel for a long time to come

Genres: Africa, Nonfiction, Memoir, South Africa, Biography

224 pages, Paperback

First published January 1, 2012

Reviews

[Barry Gilder · Rating 4 out of 5]

When I first picked up Redi's book I assumed it was about her. A few pages in I concluded it was about Mabegzo, her childhood gangster friend. But once well into the book it became clear that the heroine of 'Endings and Beginnings' is Imelda, Mabegzo's mother - gang-raped and impregnated as a teenager, exiled to Lesotho by shamed parents, and then deprived of her son for the rest of his short, painful life.

What strikes me as a central theme of this story is the way in which the mores of religion and traditional value-systems, that are supposed to be based on love and ubuntu, become ossified into instruments of shame, guilt and excommunication, insensitive to the realities of the human condition, to the vagaries and complexities of the human psyche.

Redi's book is one more important contribution to the telling of the real stories of the South African reality, during and after apartheid - a reality that can never be adequately captured by observers and theorists and social scientists and historians. Redi did not just write a story that was handed to her by experience. She made the story. By seeking to reconcile herself with the love she felt as a young girl for a man she found out was a rapist and murderer, she went out of her way to trace the roots of Mabegzo's fate, and, in the end, succeeded not only in reconciling with her own demons, but closing the circle of the tragic family that Mabegzo was part of.

[Ray Hartley · Rating 5 out of 5]

Redi Thlabi has won the Sunday Times Alan Paton award for this brilliant book. It tells the story of her ambivalence towards a gangster - she later finds out a murderer and a rapist - who shows her kindness when she is a child. He inexplicably protects her from the neighbourhood sexual predators and by the time she finds out the true depth of his depravity, she struggles to banish her feelings. When he is murdered, she sets out to discover his life story. As the book solves this tragic jigsaw puzzle, Thlabi does not flinch from exploring her feelings with astonishing honesty. This book shuns the contemporary fashion of romanticising Soweto. Instead it takes you onto the mean streets, where the jackrollers rule with violence and where young women face the constant threat of sexual predation. This is an outstanding slice of South Africa served up raw with no trimmings.

[Jeanette · Rating 4 out of 5]

I totally enjoyed reading this book. It is beautifully written and it is such a powerful story about healing. I am amazed at the impact that Mabegzo had on Redi, that she would want closure so many years after his death. Redi humanises Mabegzo by sharing with us his pain,his love for her and his hopes (of going to live with his mother). I was especially touched by his mother's journey after her rape and could not help but find myself hating Nkgono for how she treated Mme Imelda.

This book took me back to the township, growing up ko kasi in the eighties. Being harrased by boys when going to school or to the shops, especially the boys ba ne ba re shela and would not take no for an answer.
This is indeed and excellent book and I hope Redi has started on another book.

[Julia · Rating 5 out of 5]

this book touched me to the core. i had to pause last night and didn't want to read any further before going to bed, as i had so much in my head and simply couldn't put more in. i grabbed a jeffrey archer book to just get the thoughts out of my head before going to sleep, otherwise i wouldn't have been able to sleep.

redi tlhabi is a well known radio talk show presenter in south africa - here is a link where it was announced that a movie may be made of this book:

http://www.timeslive.co.za/entertainm...

this is the the true story of her life in the township and her befriending a gangster at the age of 11. the scenes are gut-wrenching and at times very difficult to read. i have so many emotions and feelings after finishing the book this morning. i wish every single south african would read this book - especially white people. us as white people in south africa grew up very privileged and my childhood was so sheltered, whilst in the midst of it, these things were going on in the townships. i am known to be a 'lefty' and i'm not always very popular amongst 'my so-called people', which is a subject all on its own. i will speak about these things and stand up for what is right until the day i die. nobody, nobody, has the right to judge and spew venom before you haven't walked in somebody's shoes. i know it's a dangerous statement to make, but in my opinion, people who are racist are ignorant, narrow-minded and not willing to open themselves up, even a little bit, to try and understand and to listen, really listen and think about these things.

i talke all my hats off to redi - this story is amazing. it is hard to read yes, and there are so many scenes that absolutely gutted me, but in the end the message is powerful.

[Debbie Yannakakis · Rating 5 out of 5]

With this book, the reader soon realizes that the author has a special gift for empathy. She also has a backbone of titanium as she doesn't relinquish her quest for understanding and healing in the face of societal pressure. Casting light on a damaged society forces the reader to examine his/her own views regarding gender issues, parenting and family violence, as well as physical or emotional abuse. With our horrendous statistics of crime and violence, Redi Tlhabi exposes many layers of damage in South African society. All is not doom though as she presents her story in a way that will give hope to many victims and perpetrators alike. This is how a nation can start healing itself. This is how we can start understanding each other and the hurt that we inflect on ourselves and others, hopefully improving quality of life for future generations.

[Lorraine · Rating 4 out of 5]

What a riveting read. Chapter 1 was too narrative and flat for me. Rising action in the subsequent chapters were very exciting. The story is well written and the author has great empathy. I loved Mabegzo. Though he was a ruthless criminal, he was full of love for Redi and her love and acceptance of him, made him want to be a better man in a misguided kind of way.

The plot was very engaging and tugged at my heart's strings. Redi is a vivid writer who pays attention to details. Having grown up in Soweto, I was able to identify with the imagery.

Redi explores themes which impacted a community residing too close to each other. The lines between personal space and boundaries are blurred when people live in such close quarters.

I am just sad that Mme Imelda's mother refused to let the love for her daughter guide her actions. She was too busy "keeping up appearances".

A happy ending though. Mme Imelda turned into a "Woman after God's heart". She might have lost a son, but she gained a whole nation through potlako, her grandson.

I am also glad that Redi didn't make the book about her. She seems mature enough to let others take the lead in her story.

I am looking forward to reading more of her works.

[Marta Mendes · Rating 5 out of 5]

I have always admired Redi's gutsy interviewing skills. Her almost fearless ability to focus on the relevant issues, issues that impact the very fabric of South African life. After reading this book, I admire her even more. I couldn't put this book down because it is set in Joburg, my home town, and it highlighted issues which are so important to me. The plight of woman and children in townships, the importance of open, loving families, about the power and influence of adults on the youth. It is filled with so much tragedy, but it was also filled with hope, love and strength.

[Siyamthanda Skota · Rating 3 out of 5]

The book cover needs deep focus and concentration to try and figure out the message it's trying to communicate with the reader. It's a woman who seems to be walking away from what seems to be the darkest past to new beginnings with sunflowers mushrooming and blossoming all around her. And then the title completes the picture "Endings and Beginnings: A story of Healing". Here, she recalls her childhood in detail, plainly, movingly, sometimes amusingly, but without a trace of self-pity or bitterness. And in between those pages, she also tells a gripping story of Mabegzo, a 22 year old gangster and murderer, whom she falls in love with – going against everyone’s wishes.

I understand that Tlhabi's book main aim is to make us understand the scourge of violence in our societies but I also think that it is a story of a woman. A woman who was not only shamed by her perpetrators for raping her at a very tender age, but a woman who was also shamed by her family for being ashamed to speak out and fight for her life. A family that didn't know better, a family that thought they were protecting her while they were destroying every single part of her soul.

Her parent’s behaviour reminds one of all the trends in our black townships and communities. People spend outrageous amounts to bury their family members in a dignified way. They want the community to see that they also can afford. And in the end they end up suffering from unnecessary debts. But many of them do so because they want the community to see them as normal families with no “disgraceful” children. Young boys are involved in trends that require them to spend outrageous amounts just so they can fit in. Izikhothane is a good example of this. And that's what Mabegzo's family has in common with today’s generation in our communities.
But hiding family tragedies and trying to impress others always ends up destroying souls, because no one is completely happy in such situations.

The book has a very happy ending. As you approach the very last pages you find your mind galloping ahead and wondering how the story will end. But don't be fooled, it's not your average predictable happy ending. It's the kind that leaves you with profound sense of confusion. Confused with lots of questions and a troubled soul, and all the questions are about the scourge of violence in our society and how we all can get together, find humanity in us and hopefully heal our souls to transform our society into a better place for all.

[Keryn Clark · Rating 4 out of 5]

Whenever I am in South Africa I love listening to Redi's radio shows. she comes across as empathetic and grounded and very fair in her handling of contentious issues. with this book she unravels a complicated web of shame, subterfuge and family protocols in an attempt to understand Mabegzo, the unwanted child of rape who becomes a criminal. This is a case of truth being stranger than fiction and the story grips to the end. In bringing to light Mabegzo's story, Redi foregrounds the real problem of how to accommodate and accept the offspring of rape in a society where trauma is normal and emotional detachment the only means of survival. Redi writes: 'no one won Mme Imelda. You all lost.' It's a story that has the reader imploring the characters to show some humanity. Tragic. Engaging. I wept to the end. Will it change the world for all the Mabegzo's out there? Who knows.

[Nonhlanhla Mbotini · Rating 4 out of 5]

Redi is a great story teller

[Mpho Bernadette · Rating 5 out of 5]

I loved the book and read it in two days. Sometimes I felt that there was no flow to the story. She would touch on an incident or subject, let it go when she thinks of something else and then go back to the topic. I'm still a bit confused about the nature of her relationship with Mabegzo but she really is one of a kind. To love a person who was despised by everyone must not have been easy. Her story taught me that the events that took place in our lives shape who we are. I did not have a Mabegzo in my life but as I read the book, I finally started to understand why I am the way I am. I realized that I have some areas in my life that need healing and that the events that took place cannot be changed, but I can face them with a positive attitude and ensure that they don't destroy me.

[Karin · Rating 5 out of 5]

I loved this book. It was intriguing because it unpeeled layers of South African society to reveal the origins of many hurts and dysfunctional relationships. The main character, Mabegzo, was on the one hand so violent and brutal but on the other hand he was searching for Love and acceptance. Redi managed to bring out the best of him and reveal a hope that he could have turned out differently had he had a more loving and nurturing family life. The secrets his family kept from each other were like a malignant Cancer which eventually lead to his downfall. A must-read for anyone who loves South Africa and wants to gain an understanding of township life.

[Diane Brown · Rating 5 out of 5]

A beautiful read -- A story about life growing up in the townships in apartheid South Africa. Addresses violence and the reality and risk of growing up as a black South African, The value and role of women is in the spotlight throughout the book, as she relates the story of a gangster's life and the unlikely friendship that the author develops with him.

Violence has been a feature of this society for such a long time and it is great to see books dealing with this topic

Well written and relevant

[Sandy Mohonathn · Rating 5 out of 5]

Awsome read - taught me so much more about the culture I belong to and have so much more respect for the woman I already respect in our townships. Living abroad from my country of birth temporarily made this even more meaningful for me. A definite must read for all woman locally in SA and beyond - depicts the role woman play in raising both the male and female generation . Well done Redi - you make me Proud to be a South African.

[Alison Smith · Rating 3 out of 5]

SA radio star & columnist reveaols childhood friendship with notorious Soweto gangster. Astonishingly candid. Reader gains a fascinating insight into urban black life and family norms; also the strong influence of rural and traditional cultural roots. If you want to understand current South African social dynamics - read this book.

[Melissa · Rating 4 out of 5]

I didn’t know what to expect from ‘Endings and Beginnings’ by Redi Tlhabi. Initially, I thought it would be just another university set-work that I would find interesting but not necessarily feel any strong emotion towards. However, this book goes far beyond my expectations. It explores themes that aren’t commonly addressed in the genres I typically read, yet it deeply reflects on South Africa’s past and present. Tlhabi shifts the narrative to not only address the pain of characters like Mabegzo, Miriam, Potlako, and Mme Imelda, but also her own journey of healing. Through the raw exploration of these personal and collective wounds, the book becomes a powerful meditation on healing—not just for the individuals in the story, but for Tlhabi herself as she processes and makes sense of her own painful history.

This novel was challenging for me, not only because of the emotions it evoked as a girl, a woman, and a daughter, but also because I knew a man in a similar situation.

It touched on concepts and cultural beliefs that, while difficult for me to fully understand, I can still respect. There were other views that I refuse to comment on…parts that I refuse to agree on…Despite frustrations in trying to grasp these perspectives, and the way in which the author tries to justify things that are unforgivable, I appreciated the depth, complexity and truth they brought to the story.

“Now you must leave me alone.” - Healing.

[Regomoditswe Rasekgwalo · Rating 5 out of 5]

Anyone has lived in any South African township knows a version of Mabegzo. They are hardened criminals who are really just victims of the social circumstances. It is not uncommon for young girls to fall for their charm. They are known to be gentle lovers but ruthless criminals.

Redi captures the story well, highlighting the various dynamics of township living in South Africa.

[Friends of the Brooklyn Library]

The book is in part the autobiography of Redi Hlabi. I had listened to her on the radio 702 when she was a talk show host for 12 years, and when I heard she had written a book, I was keen to read it.
In 2013 she won the Alan Paton award for this book, and for years I had tried to find a copy. [The librarian] found a copy at the Glenstantia library in Constantia Park at the end of last year, so, eventually I got to read it, 10 years later.
The book is an eye-opener into the lives of Black people living in Soweto, during the apartheid years. Children's upbringing was strict and austere, either governed by Christian religion or by the sangoma.
The story is based on her life and her relationship with a notorious gangster who became her friend, and protector after her father's death in 1987. When her friend, Badego, is shot and killed in 1989, she begins to investigate his background by contacting his grandmother, his friends, his mother and later, the mother of his child. In this way, she is able to come to terms with his death and is able to explain why he turned out to be a hardened criminal and murderer on the one hand and a loyal kind friend on the other, a complete contradiction.
What I found chilling, was the 'girls must be grateful if they haven't been raped.' Violence, as an expression of male power, hasn't changed. Society accepts rapists in their midst as a part of life, while girls are judged so harshly. She writes 'Violation of women and girls was common place in the late eighties and early nineties.'
'Anyone who was wanted by the police was a hero, for he had dared to defy the law.'
There were superstitions e.g. 'children had to kneel in front of a funeral procession r else their mothers would lose a breast'.
all these things were so foreign to me.
When I thought about my life during the 80's and 90's, it boggled my mind as to how completely different my life was then, and how privileged I am even now.

[Mamotladi Matloga · Rating 5 out of 5]

After postponing this read for almost two years, I finally picked it up, read and finished it within a few days because I simply could not put this one down. I happily devoured each chapter of Redi Tlhabi’s book. Endings and Beginnings evoked different emotions – sadness, fear, anger, pride, laughter and joy. The setting of the story itself reminded me of my own rural upbringing during the apartheid era. I marvelled both at the similarities and differences between rural and township lives in South Africa. I reflected at the dissimilarities between the apartheid soldiers that roamed the streets of Soweto – mostly angry – and those I witnessed in my village as a child – who often gave us children, some sweets, despite the disapproval of our parents and older siblings, who were not treated nearly as good.

From Redi Tlhabi's book I also learnt a great deal about the history of Soweto’s Orlando township, and appreciated how informative the book is. But more than anything, I was reminded of the common human need to connect, and to belong. It is an enchanting story of beautiful paradoxes, where things aren’t just in black or white. I found myself feeling proud of a lot of characters – of Vusi, and of Redi’s dad; proud of Mpanza; of Imelda’s husband and her father-in-law; and in a rather knotty way, also proud of the feared gangster, Mabegzo, for taking care of a young girl in such a gentle manner.

I highly recommend Endings and Beginnings. It is an extremely well-written book and I truly did not want the story to end.

[Charmaine Elliott · Rating 5 out of 5]

I have to highly recommend this book. I must admit to being skeptical thinking that the 'Public Personalities', all promote one another's books knowing that when they want theirs published they will get plenty of free reciprocal promo time. Well, I have to admit that in this case I was so wrong. The value for me in this book lies in the candid unpacking of concepts like 'culture' that are typically presented as a super ordinate concept that one is just expected to understand. Every day one hears about the socio economic factors that feed into the cycle of violence and abuse against women. This book provides the insights to understand exactly how the decisions taken by both men and women play out to shape the lives of youngsters. It is quite mind blowing that this young man found nurturing in and comfort from an 11 year child. As a boarder the daily gift of sandwiches from Linda brings back the warmest memories that resonate. The message does seem to be that even the most disempowered can make a positive impact on those around us. I could probably write a book about this book it has so any nuances. Just have to mention how refreshing it was that Redi avoided the tired apartheid song. A great read and a worthwhile message. So delighted that this is due to be a prescribed school book. Wish I'd had insights like this 45 years ago...

[Gillian · Rating 5 out of 5]

Endings and Beginnings is a beautiful memoir because as Mme Imelda says in it, ‘If you remember to speak to people’s heart, they will always let you in’. Redi Thlabi does that, speaking straight into the heart of so many South Africans with her memories of Mabegzo, the gangster she befriended when still a child, who seemed to be hated and feared by so many. What made Mabegzo as he was? Who was his mother and where was she? Thlabi answers these questions in a warm yet perceptive way.
It is more than the tale of an unlikely friendship though, and how families are made and destroyed. I also loved reading how she grew up in Soweto, and about the power of her father's love even after he died and how this helped to form her view of men in a culture where women are often so devalued.
Endings and Beginnings will go on my bookshelf along with Antjie Krog's Country of My Skull, Change of Tongue and Begging to be Black and Nelson Mandela's Long Walk to Freedom as amazing South African autobiographies.

[Lynn Weisz · Rating 5 out of 5]

I was not keen to pick up this book. And perhaps there was good reason to initially resist. The darkness is heart wrenching It tears at your belief in hope for the future of this scarred country. Yet Tlhabi manages to balance the darkness with the light of individuals who put their necks out and offered support , love and goodness at a time when it seemed that decency and humanity had been lost. And all is not black and white. The monstrous gangsters of her past had very human sides. It was society that failed them. What an incredibly challenging childhood to have come out of! How very inspiring! This should be made a textbook for all young South Africans.

[Samantha Curley-Young · Rating 5 out of 5]

I am going to be straight up - I really didn't think I was going to enjoy this book and I was even considering not reading it BUT I am SO GLAD that I did.

Redi has the gift of being able to tell a story in such a lovely way. I read this book in 3 days and I was shocked and horrified to understand how children grow up on townships and how a meeting of souls can truly change a whole communities outlook on life.

LOVED this book!

[Pashnee Naidoo · Rating 5 out of 5]

Redi Thlabi is a great storyteller, I could put this book down. This story is riveting and captivating, there a moments of utter sorrow and then simple joys of a bond of a father and daughter. Set in Orlando West, Soweto it transported me back in time and gave me a glimpse of that life. Awesome read

[Mya · Rating 3 out of 5]

This was a difficult read for me.

Redi is only two years older than I am. When she was 11, I would have been 9. We both grew up in South Africa. But her experience of South Africa as a little girl was so very different to mine and far more dangerous.

Stylistically the writing reflects Redi's background as a journalist. So although the content might be difficult, the read itself is not.

This story, a story of families and forgiveness really, gave me much to think about. It certainly provides a new perspective for me concerning how we find ourselves in such a broken country.

[Goodwell Mateyo · Rating 5 out of 5]

One of the best books I have read in the year so far. A poignant - in places tragic, in places comedic - tale of loss and healing. The writing is beautiful. The emotions captured are raw. Is it any wonder, considering how personal to the author, the work is? Notwithstanding the proximity, the author somehow manages to tell the tale with unbelivable objectivity.

It gives the reader a glimpse into authentic lives in pre- and post-apartheid South Africa. A veritable tour de force that the author is no doubt, very proud of.

[Sonnymirrors · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book. This story. Was deeply moving. The depth and lengths to which it goes are challenging. But Redo displays a care and sensitivity and courage that makes it all bearable. I can't say a story of so much trauma and tragedy is beautiful, but there's something heartfelt here and hopeful. Of what happens when love fails and what is possible and can be healed when it is given a chance again. This is what's beautiful about this story. Redi displays awe-inspiring courage in having lived, and told this story. This is unforgettable.

[Tilly Ngope · Rating 4 out of 5]

We can be naive about things at times and always want to see good in other people.

I was really touched by how she cared for a man everyone feared and showed him love in his time of need reuniting grand mother and grandchild. Once again people chose how to live their and let their circumstances determine their way forward. I am really proud of Mme Imelda she once again proved that your past doesn’t have to determine your future.

[Lorna · Rating 5 out of 5]

Very powerful and moving book! Most times we judge the ending, never having understood the beginning. Understanding the beginning does not necessarily mean condoning the wrong deeds, but it puts them into perspective and gives them context so that we may do things better the next time around. Thank you for sharing this story Redi!

[Marion Roux · Rating 4 out of 5]

Non-fiction.
A moving account of an 11-year old girl's friendship with a really tough, hard tsotsi (gangster/thug).

After his death and when she has grown up, she searches out his family and friends in an attempt to understand him and why she is haunted by her love for him. She also eventually reconnects various members of his family