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Ten Things Every Child with Autism Wishes You Knew
Winner of an iParenting Media Award and Honorable Mention in the 2005 ForeWord Book of the Year Awards! Every parent, teacher, social worker, therapist, and physician should have this succinct and informative book in their back pocket. Framed with both humor and compassion, the book defines the top ten characteristics that illuminate the minds and hearts of children with autism. Ellen's personal experiences as a parent, an autism columnist, and a contributor to numerous parenting magazines coalesce to create a guide for all who come in contact with a child on the autism spectrum. Don't buy just one of this book- buy one for everyone who interacts with your child! Give the gift of understanding. Helpful chapters include:
My sensory perceptions are disordered Distinguish between won’t and can’t I am a concrete thinker. I interpret language literally Be patient with my limited vocabulary Because language is so difficult for me, I am very visually oriented Focus and build on what I can do rather than what I can’t do Help me with social interactions Identify what triggers my meltdowns
My sensory perceptions are disordered Distinguish between won’t and can’t I am a concrete thinker. I interpret language literally Be patient with my limited vocabulary Because language is so difficult for me, I am very visually oriented Focus and build on what I can do rather than what I can’t do Help me with social interactions Identify what triggers my meltdowns
111 pages, Paperback
First published January 1, 2005
663 people are currently reading
3643 people want to read
About the author
Ellen Notbohm
47 books75 followersEllen Notbohm’s work touches millions in more than 25 languages. She is author of the acclaimed novel The River by Starlight, the nonfiction classic Ten Things Every Child with Autism Wishes You Knew, and numerous short fiction and nonfiction pieces appearing in literary journals, magazines, and anthologies in the US and abroad. Her books and short prose have won more than 40 awards worldwide.
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 354 reviews
November 13, 2012
This is quite an unusual book. It's not a practical guide to handling day to day issues with Autism, nor is it a dry clinical description of Autism. It's essentially a book promoting a new paradigm, (a whole new outlook) on Autism. It provides you with an understanding of some key positive concepts and then goes on to show how they can be put into practical use on a daily basis.
I feel that this book could be better described with the considerably less catchy title of; Ten concepts which your future happy and successful grown up child with autism needs you to know, understand, believe and "live" now - in order to ensure that the time line works out for the best.
Make no mistake, these aren't ten baby concepts which will only hold true for a small part of your child's life. They're adult ones, mantras for living - and they apply forever.
The book starts with a list of the 10 things which I'll list below because there are no surprises here.
1. I am a whole child.
2. My senses are out of sync
3. Distinguish between won't and can't
4. I am a concrete thinker, I interpret language literally
5. Listen to all the ways I'm trying to communicate
6. Picture this! I am visually orientated
7. Focus and build on what I can do rather than what I can't do
8. Help me with social interactions
9. Identify what triggers my meltdowns
10. Love me unconditionally.
You'll notice that every one of these ten things is open-ended. Each topic contains a lot of important discussion material. I won't say that I agreed 100% with everything but the later chapters put all of my minor niggles to rest. Ellen makes it clear at the beginning of the book that all children are different and that not everything here will apply to every child.
This book spends quite a bit of time discussing the "language of autism" as it used by parents, media and support personnel. It makes it very clear that the way in which we express, embrace and encourage our children has monumental impact both on their self esteem and their future success. Often we use negative language without realising it and the book provides some handy hints on how to detect and remove these negative words from our daily interactions.
If you've ever used a phrase like "my child suffers from autism", then you really need to read this book. Similarly, if you've said; "my child will never do that".
The subject of the book is Ellen's son Bryce and by reading between the lines, you can follow his journey from a child seen as a PIA (Potentially Independent Adult) to a fully functional, self-supporting adult.
There are some wonderful "bonus chapters" in the book including; "Ten things I want my high school senior with Autism to know" and a great chapter called Evolution which really presses home the problems of limiting language. Finally, the book ends with some discussion questions which are really worth thinking about.
If it all sounds really technical, don't worry, it's not. In fact, it's quite an easy read at just under 200 pages and a really easy-going font but it's a book that will get you thinking and it's a book that could change your life. It probably should be required reading for all parents of children on the spectrum.
I feel that this book could be better described with the considerably less catchy title of; Ten concepts which your future happy and successful grown up child with autism needs you to know, understand, believe and "live" now - in order to ensure that the time line works out for the best.
Make no mistake, these aren't ten baby concepts which will only hold true for a small part of your child's life. They're adult ones, mantras for living - and they apply forever.
The book starts with a list of the 10 things which I'll list below because there are no surprises here.
1. I am a whole child.
2. My senses are out of sync
3. Distinguish between won't and can't
4. I am a concrete thinker, I interpret language literally
5. Listen to all the ways I'm trying to communicate
6. Picture this! I am visually orientated
7. Focus and build on what I can do rather than what I can't do
8. Help me with social interactions
9. Identify what triggers my meltdowns
10. Love me unconditionally.
You'll notice that every one of these ten things is open-ended. Each topic contains a lot of important discussion material. I won't say that I agreed 100% with everything but the later chapters put all of my minor niggles to rest. Ellen makes it clear at the beginning of the book that all children are different and that not everything here will apply to every child.
This book spends quite a bit of time discussing the "language of autism" as it used by parents, media and support personnel. It makes it very clear that the way in which we express, embrace and encourage our children has monumental impact both on their self esteem and their future success. Often we use negative language without realising it and the book provides some handy hints on how to detect and remove these negative words from our daily interactions.
If you've ever used a phrase like "my child suffers from autism", then you really need to read this book. Similarly, if you've said; "my child will never do that".
The subject of the book is Ellen's son Bryce and by reading between the lines, you can follow his journey from a child seen as a PIA (Potentially Independent Adult) to a fully functional, self-supporting adult.
There are some wonderful "bonus chapters" in the book including; "Ten things I want my high school senior with Autism to know" and a great chapter called Evolution which really presses home the problems of limiting language. Finally, the book ends with some discussion questions which are really worth thinking about.
If it all sounds really technical, don't worry, it's not. In fact, it's quite an easy read at just under 200 pages and a really easy-going font but it's a book that will get you thinking and it's a book that could change your life. It probably should be required reading for all parents of children on the spectrum.
March 21, 2008
This is the best book on autism I have read, and I have read a lot. It helped me to understand more of what my own child was thinking, his limitations and his abilities. I would recommend this book to anyone who is curious, knows someone with autism or has a child with autism or just cares. It changed my life and I have given it to so many other people. It isn't full of theories and conspiracies and technical terms, it is full of understanding and compassion.
May 1, 2021
To a special, spunky kid - Z (you too, I and C). A letter to you.
Thank you for letting me into your world. At first, I wasn’t quite sure if you are so deep into your thoughts, that I did not exist. Or that you know I am around but preferred silence. Since your parents need to run errands sometimes, so it' me you have to play with. Or, rather, I have to figure out how to play with you.
Forgive me for being such a klutz when we play. Often, I feel like a bull in the china shop when I am around you. No, no, I am not really an animal going berserk in a store in China! Sorry for being confusing. I know now that words were often taken literally. It is very hard for me to know when you were having fun or just wanted to be left alone. Once I had you on the swing but your feet refused to leave the ground. You screamed in anger when I tried to take you off but seemed happy perched on the seat swaying gently. I get it now. You were having fun, but on your own terms.
Hugs. Let’s talk about those! Hugs are like the gum in my pocket. I have many. You like them sometimes but other times not so much. Your mum said that you may not like the detergent scent in my clothes or the feel of the cloth. That’s why I always wear your favorite Elmo T-shirt when I see you even though it is a very, very, very old shirt. Anything to bring a smile and the color red, apparently, calms you. By the way, great birthday party. But no whistling. Or clapping. I will remember that. It hurts your ears.
So I need a lot of clues trying to understand what you want. When a dear friend shared “Ten Things Every Child with Autism Wish You Knew”, the light bulb went off in my head. Ideas that pop out like Jack-in-the-Box! To see the world through your eyes. Not mine. The author, Ellen, has a child, Bryce, with autism who had difficulty communicating. So, she learnt how to communicate using his language by understanding his challenges and his needs, and worked around those issues to bring out the best in her son.
Is this what you think also?
1. I am a child.
2. My senses are out of sync.
3. Distinguish between won’t and can’t.
4. I’m a concrete thinker. I interpret language literally.
5. Listen to all the ways I’m trying to communicate.
6. Picture this! I’m visually oriented.
7. Focus and build on what I can do rather than what I can’t do.
8. Help me with social interactions.
9. Identify what triggers my meltdowns.
10. Love me unconditionally.
Ellen first wrote these ten very practical guidelines in an article, which became so popular she expanded that into a book. With each guideline, she provided many examples of how a child with autism might perceive the surroundings through unique sights, sounds, smells, tastes and touches. Ellen’s book was easy to read with a writing style that was straightforward and engaging. As if she and I were having a chat over coffee and cake. As I was reading Ellen’s book, I became curious about the medical and therapeutic aspects of autism. That information is not found in this book. Through friends and family, I found some recreational resources - music, exercise, cultural, literature - for special needs children. If your parents want to some additional thoughts outside of this letter, please see here.
Before I finish off my letter, here’s a high five for all the things you do wonderfully! Ellen is right. We need to focus on what you do well and build on that. Your dad said you taught yourself to read phonetically at 18 months old (you read “Sega All Stars Racing” off the screen) and can decode virtually any text. He said help is needed on comprehension but I know you can do it. Also, your mum said you express yourself beautifully through a digital camera lens. I’ve seen the artistic photos you have taken from unexpected but very creative views. Remember the time we played on the piano? I fell off the chair hearing you sing pitch perfect and transpose keys effortlessly. And you memorized the entire "Everything is Awesome" song after a few listens! Your mum also said you were precise with numbers. Alright, I concede - we counted 54 and one-third earthworms not just 54 during our walk after the rain. You sure are good with mechanical structures. Building bell towers, clock towers and mega skyscrapers with Legos and Magformers. Constructing snap circuits and assembling 3-D printers with your dad.
Wow. My buddy. Wow.
You teach me so much. To deconstruct the world as I know it, and to reconstruct it so everyone has a place in it. Children with autism have a hard time fitting into a society built for people without autism. It's like trying to fit the square peg into the round hole. Instead of chiseling away the corners of the square, or creating corners in the hole just to fit one peg… How about you help me make the hole bigger so it fits all shapes and sizes?
Sincerely,
A
Thank you for letting me into your world. At first, I wasn’t quite sure if you are so deep into your thoughts, that I did not exist. Or that you know I am around but preferred silence. Since your parents need to run errands sometimes, so it' me you have to play with. Or, rather, I have to figure out how to play with you.
Forgive me for being such a klutz when we play. Often, I feel like a bull in the china shop when I am around you. No, no, I am not really an animal going berserk in a store in China! Sorry for being confusing. I know now that words were often taken literally. It is very hard for me to know when you were having fun or just wanted to be left alone. Once I had you on the swing but your feet refused to leave the ground. You screamed in anger when I tried to take you off but seemed happy perched on the seat swaying gently. I get it now. You were having fun, but on your own terms.
Hugs. Let’s talk about those! Hugs are like the gum in my pocket. I have many. You like them sometimes but other times not so much. Your mum said that you may not like the detergent scent in my clothes or the feel of the cloth. That’s why I always wear your favorite Elmo T-shirt when I see you even though it is a very, very, very old shirt. Anything to bring a smile and the color red, apparently, calms you. By the way, great birthday party. But no whistling. Or clapping. I will remember that. It hurts your ears.
So I need a lot of clues trying to understand what you want. When a dear friend shared “Ten Things Every Child with Autism Wish You Knew”, the light bulb went off in my head. Ideas that pop out like Jack-in-the-Box! To see the world through your eyes. Not mine. The author, Ellen, has a child, Bryce, with autism who had difficulty communicating. So, she learnt how to communicate using his language by understanding his challenges and his needs, and worked around those issues to bring out the best in her son.
Is this what you think also?
1. I am a child.
2. My senses are out of sync.
3. Distinguish between won’t and can’t.
4. I’m a concrete thinker. I interpret language literally.
5. Listen to all the ways I’m trying to communicate.
6. Picture this! I’m visually oriented.
7. Focus and build on what I can do rather than what I can’t do.
8. Help me with social interactions.
9. Identify what triggers my meltdowns.
10. Love me unconditionally.
Ellen first wrote these ten very practical guidelines in an article, which became so popular she expanded that into a book. With each guideline, she provided many examples of how a child with autism might perceive the surroundings through unique sights, sounds, smells, tastes and touches. Ellen’s book was easy to read with a writing style that was straightforward and engaging. As if she and I were having a chat over coffee and cake. As I was reading Ellen’s book, I became curious about the medical and therapeutic aspects of autism. That information is not found in this book. Through friends and family, I found some recreational resources - music, exercise, cultural, literature - for special needs children. If your parents want to some additional thoughts outside of this letter, please see here.
Before I finish off my letter, here’s a high five for all the things you do wonderfully! Ellen is right. We need to focus on what you do well and build on that. Your dad said you taught yourself to read phonetically at 18 months old (you read “Sega All Stars Racing” off the screen) and can decode virtually any text. He said help is needed on comprehension but I know you can do it. Also, your mum said you express yourself beautifully through a digital camera lens. I’ve seen the artistic photos you have taken from unexpected but very creative views. Remember the time we played on the piano? I fell off the chair hearing you sing pitch perfect and transpose keys effortlessly. And you memorized the entire "Everything is Awesome" song after a few listens! Your mum also said you were precise with numbers. Alright, I concede - we counted 54 and one-third earthworms not just 54 during our walk after the rain. You sure are good with mechanical structures. Building bell towers, clock towers and mega skyscrapers with Legos and Magformers. Constructing snap circuits and assembling 3-D printers with your dad.
Wow. My buddy. Wow.
You teach me so much. To deconstruct the world as I know it, and to reconstruct it so everyone has a place in it. Children with autism have a hard time fitting into a society built for people without autism. It's like trying to fit the square peg into the round hole. Instead of chiseling away the corners of the square, or creating corners in the hole just to fit one peg… How about you help me make the hole bigger so it fits all shapes and sizes?
Sincerely,
A
September 9, 2017
This book really only has two points, which the author makes repeatedly:
1. Adjust your expectations according to your child's actual capabilities. You might have to learn what those are first. They will be different than those of other children, but not necessarily less.
2. Have some perspective and hope: play the hand you're dealt, and be optimisic about what your child can do. They'll rise to the occasion.
To be honest, I found that a lot of the specifics weren't very applicable to my own son (who is on spectrum). However, her more general advice, above, rang true.
The one thing I felt was missing from this short book was a discussion of the tension between accommodating your child and challenging them. There is a chapter on this subject, "Can't vs. Won't", and it's spent arguing that almost everything you're probably expecting of your child is something they physically can't do, not something they won't do. However, in the author's many anecdotes involving her own son, she insists that there's nothing he can't do. She's clearly found a balance, but doesn't articulate it well in this book.
That said, this is a great, thoughtful book, and well worth the quick read. Nothing speaks louder than the author's own experiences and stories, and there are plenty of them. Highly recommended to parents of kids on spectrum, and frankly most of the advice isn't even specific to children with autism.
1. Adjust your expectations according to your child's actual capabilities. You might have to learn what those are first. They will be different than those of other children, but not necessarily less.
2. Have some perspective and hope: play the hand you're dealt, and be optimisic about what your child can do. They'll rise to the occasion.
To be honest, I found that a lot of the specifics weren't very applicable to my own son (who is on spectrum). However, her more general advice, above, rang true.
The one thing I felt was missing from this short book was a discussion of the tension between accommodating your child and challenging them. There is a chapter on this subject, "Can't vs. Won't", and it's spent arguing that almost everything you're probably expecting of your child is something they physically can't do, not something they won't do. However, in the author's many anecdotes involving her own son, she insists that there's nothing he can't do. She's clearly found a balance, but doesn't articulate it well in this book.
That said, this is a great, thoughtful book, and well worth the quick read. Nothing speaks louder than the author's own experiences and stories, and there are plenty of them. Highly recommended to parents of kids on spectrum, and frankly most of the advice isn't even specific to children with autism.
September 23, 2025
آرزوهای کودکان مبتلا به اتیسم
ترجمهٔ پرویز شریفی درآمدی، زهرا مظفری و پریوش نریمانی
نشر دانژه
من فقط بخش «درآغاز» رو خوندم و فرصتی برای خوندن باقی مطالب نداشتم. تا اینجاش کتاب خوبیه. دقیقاً همونچیزهایی رو میگه باید بگه. مناسب کساییه که با کودک اتیستیک به نحوی در ارتباطن.
ولییییی
ترجمهش از همین اول افتضاحه. از ترجمهٔ عنوانش هم معلومه که چنگی به دل نمیزنه.
بابا سهتا مترجم و یه ویراستارید به خودتون بیاید. t-t
حیف واقعاً.
ممنون که خوندید.💙
مهر ۱۴۰۴ (خدایا شکرت پاییز)
تاک (کتاب هم متعلق به همینجاست.)
ترجمهٔ پرویز شریفی درآمدی، زهرا مظفری و پریوش نریمانی
نشر دانژه
من فقط بخش «درآغاز» رو خوندم و فرصتی برای خوندن باقی مطالب نداشتم. تا اینجاش کتاب خوبیه. دقیقاً همونچیزهایی رو میگه باید بگه. مناسب کساییه که با کودک اتیستیک به نحوی در ارتباطن.
ولییییی
ترجمهش از همین اول افتضاحه. از ترجمهٔ عنوانش هم معلومه که چنگی به دل نمیزنه.
بابا سهتا مترجم و یه ویراستارید به خودتون بیاید. t-t
حیف واقعاً.
ممنون که خوندید.💙
مهر ۱۴۰۴ (خدایا شکرت پاییز)
تاک (کتاب هم متعلق به همینجاست.)
October 6, 2008
While this book does offer a great summary of some of the characteristics of kids with autism, I felt the overriding tone was one of "get over it and look on the bright side." And that didn't feel like the kind of help I am looking for right now.
June 18, 2019
A decent introduction to some of the issues in the lives of people with autism. However, since it is written by an incredibly proactive parent, the soapbox-style narration can be a little trying at times.
June 11, 2023
4.5 stars
A great read for parents candy/or relatives with autistic family members. It is more centered around childhood but I believe we can all learn how to be more understanding for all ages.
A great read for parents candy/or relatives with autistic family members. It is more centered around childhood but I believe we can all learn how to be more understanding for all ages.
December 14, 2016
A great source of knowledge and understanding. It was mostly about acceptance, unconditional love, and instilling a can-do attitude in both yourself and your child with autism. Definitely made me more aware of certain aspects of autism and ways I can help my child reach their potential.
March 6, 2010
I think the most important thing I learned from this book was to stop telling my child what he was and was not capable of doing. Let him try. Let him discover for himself what he can and can not do.
This is a borrowed book and I want to remind myself of the 10 things to refresh my memory as needed, so here they are . . .
1) Do not let Autism limit what I can try.
2) Remember my sensory issues. My bad behavior might be because I am feeling sensitive to something.
3) Distinguish between won't and can't. I will not respond to commands issued from the other room because I can't.
4) I am very literal and will not understand idioms, puns, inferences, etc.
5) Be patient with my limited vocabulary and echolalia.
6) I am very visually oriented. Pictures help me understand a LOT!
7) Focus on what I can do, rather than what I can not do.
8) Teach me how to respond in social situations.
9) Try to identify what triggers my melt downs.
10) and finally patience, patience, patience
This is a borrowed book and I want to remind myself of the 10 things to refresh my memory as needed, so here they are . . .
1) Do not let Autism limit what I can try.
2) Remember my sensory issues. My bad behavior might be because I am feeling sensitive to something.
3) Distinguish between won't and can't. I will not respond to commands issued from the other room because I can't.
4) I am very literal and will not understand idioms, puns, inferences, etc.
5) Be patient with my limited vocabulary and echolalia.
6) I am very visually oriented. Pictures help me understand a LOT!
7) Focus on what I can do, rather than what I can not do.
8) Teach me how to respond in social situations.
9) Try to identify what triggers my melt downs.
10) and finally patience, patience, patience
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
February 9, 2011
This book really is amazingly good. It is easy to read and also informative. If you are not familiar with autism, you will learn about a lot of the basic information and if you know someone with autism it may truly help you to understand them just a little bit better. I took a number of notes as I was reading and as soon as I finished the book I thought to myself how it would be a good book to re-read again in the future.
I enjoyed the perspective this book was written from. The author is the parent of a child with autism and she wrote the ten things from the perspective of a child with autism just as the title suggests.
Of course, you can read and certainly learn from all kinds of clinical books and studies about autism, but I felt this book was different in that it looked at autism from a realistic and hands-on point of view. The ten things she describes could be applicable to any number of children and not just those necessarily on the autism spectrum.
I enjoyed the perspective this book was written from. The author is the parent of a child with autism and she wrote the ten things from the perspective of a child with autism just as the title suggests.
Of course, you can read and certainly learn from all kinds of clinical books and studies about autism, but I felt this book was different in that it looked at autism from a realistic and hands-on point of view. The ten things she describes could be applicable to any number of children and not just those necessarily on the autism spectrum.
June 6, 2011
One of the best books for parents with an autistic child. This book not only helped me understand my son better but left me feeling hopeful for the future.
November 3, 2023
Helpful and encouraging but found it hard to relate to the author's constant positivity and confidence.
April 14, 2023
Good book for learning this new thing.
I checked in with an online Autistic community about this book: a good resource, but still better to choose books about Autism written by autistic people
I checked in with an online Autistic community about this book: a good resource, but still better to choose books about Autism written by autistic people
July 1, 2008
This book is written by a mom who has a child with ADHD and a child with autism. She was determined to figure out how to help her son achieve his full potential and become successful. She talks about the ups and downs, but they have already had many triumphal moments. She figured out what things her son could not cope with and attempted to eliminate prolonged exposure to these things. She talked about his need for a schedule and his need to know what was going to happen next. Structure seemed to be a big key to his success. It was a very informative book and was written with great every day examples that people could relate to. I would recommend it to anybody interacting with a child who has autism.
January 13, 2011
1) Do not let Autism limit what I can try.
2) Remember my sensory issues. My bad behavior might be because I am feeling sensitive to something.
3) Distinguish between won't and can't. I will not respond to commands issued from the other room because I can't.
4) I am very literal and will not understand idioms, puns, inferences, etc.
5) Be patient with my limited vocabulary and echolalia.
6) I am very visually oriented. Pictures help me understand a LOT!
7) Focus on what I can do, rather than what I can not do.
8) Teach me how to respond in social situations.
9) Try to identify what triggers my melt downs.
10) and finally patience, patience, patience
2) Remember my sensory issues. My bad behavior might be because I am feeling sensitive to something.
3) Distinguish between won't and can't. I will not respond to commands issued from the other room because I can't.
4) I am very literal and will not understand idioms, puns, inferences, etc.
5) Be patient with my limited vocabulary and echolalia.
6) I am very visually oriented. Pictures help me understand a LOT!
7) Focus on what I can do, rather than what I can not do.
8) Teach me how to respond in social situations.
9) Try to identify what triggers my melt downs.
10) and finally patience, patience, patience
November 12, 2021
ספר חשוב ומרתק המיועד להורים, לאנשי חינוך, ובעצם לכולם. אמנם הוא מתמקד בילדים עם אוטיזם, אבל המסרים החשובים שלו נוגעים לדעתי להורות ולחינוך באופן כללי. היה מעניין ומלמד לקרוא.
July 7, 2020
Reading this book and reflecting on it was part of my externship as an ASD scholar, which I’ve spent the past two years gaining expertise in within my school psychology graduate program.
First - this would be a fantastic introduction book for parents who recently learned they have a child with Autism. I really appreciate that the author takes on a whole-child perspective, emphasizing the need to look into various aspects that could be of concern. The author does a great job of describing what certain issues, such as sensory issues, could be like for a child with Autism.
I had trouble with the author stipulating that there are 6 reasons for behavior when my education has taught me there are really two (when conducting Functional Behavior Assessments). I also struggled with the author expecting every child in a classroom to change the way they speak in order to include or conform to what would be easier for the child with Autism to understand. Instead, I’d suggest social skills training and an intervention similar to Circle of Friends for a child with Autism. I also wish there was more research/evidence behind what she was saying or that she cite her sources.
Overall, a good book for beginners in the field, especially parents. This book could help parents look into multiple aspects that could be of concern using a whole-child lens, which is incredibly helpful.
First - this would be a fantastic introduction book for parents who recently learned they have a child with Autism. I really appreciate that the author takes on a whole-child perspective, emphasizing the need to look into various aspects that could be of concern. The author does a great job of describing what certain issues, such as sensory issues, could be like for a child with Autism.
I had trouble with the author stipulating that there are 6 reasons for behavior when my education has taught me there are really two (when conducting Functional Behavior Assessments). I also struggled with the author expecting every child in a classroom to change the way they speak in order to include or conform to what would be easier for the child with Autism to understand. Instead, I’d suggest social skills training and an intervention similar to Circle of Friends for a child with Autism. I also wish there was more research/evidence behind what she was saying or that she cite her sources.
Overall, a good book for beginners in the field, especially parents. This book could help parents look into multiple aspects that could be of concern using a whole-child lens, which is incredibly helpful.
September 25, 2019
I think everyone who knows or interacts with a child with Autism should read this Book!! This book was suggested to me by another mom. I have a Daughter with Autism she is 9. I wish I would have found this book sooner. It is a book you will read again and again or just use as a reference to back to. I think grandparents and teachers should all read this book because it help you understand Autism through a different view or just understand it if you don’t! I loved this book even though I already know a lot about Autism. Thanks NetGalley!!
March 31, 2023
Disclaimer: I do not have a child with Autism.
I did raise a challenging child. It took effort to gain the parenting skills we needed. Teachers didn’t know what to do with him. We were told he was ADHD, oppositional defiant, and lots of other easy labels. No one noted he was gifted. With help from a counselor who suggested the school test him, he was jumped a grade and thrived. We ended up homeschooling him through junior and senior high. We paid for testing that helped us understand his gifts and learning style, and areas where he lagged.
I learned that adults want to put kids into categories, assume that behavior is a choice, and try to pound square kids into round holes. So many points in Ten Things Every Child With Autism Wants You To Know is good advice for all parents. Notbohm draws from her own experience raising a child with autism, sharing insights that is helpful to parents and teachers.
Her books is elegantly written, accessible, and affirming.
In brief, the lessons are:
I AM A WHOLE CHILD
Every child deserves to be seen, not through the lens of a diagnosis or category, but as a whole person with individual gifts and needs. Being labeled counters this.
MY SENSES ARE OUT OF SYNC
Some of us can filter out the deluge of stimuli we encounter at every moment. In the morning my husband watches the news while I read my email and online newspapers and I just block out the tv. Imagine if you couldn’t do that–if your brain allowed it all to crash in on you?
SEE THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN WON’T AND CAN’T
Instead of judging a child as defiant or obstinate, understand what is holding them back from fulfilling your request.
I’M A CONCRETE THINKER
Be specific. Use correct language, not idioms. Don’t assume the child understands what you are inferring when you tell him his room is a mess.
LISTEN TO ALL THE WAYS I’M TRYING TO COMMUNICATE
What children can’t tell you in words they may be expressing through action. It’s our job to help them learn how to use words.
I’M VISUALLY ORIENTED
Tools for organization like charts and calendars help a child prepare for life. I get this because I need a visual calendrer, not just recording things on my virtual one. For our young son, we posted a list of expected behavior that earned gold stars, the stars translating to an agreed upon reward like family game night with pizza.
FOCUS ON WHAT I CAN DO
Plenty of people will note your failures and inabilities, which is never helpful. Understand your child’s learning style. Note the accomplishments and the positive. Don’t compare them to others.
HELP ME BE SOCIAL
Our son went to a Halloween party with kids he knew, but clung to my side, observing until he felt comfortable enough to join in. But what if your child can’t pick up on social cues and imitate the other kids? Teaching children manners and social skills is essential for their success. This is a long chapter on an essential lesson.
IDENTIFY WHAT CAUSES MY MELTDOWNS
When a child is overwhelmed they don’t know how to control it or convey their needs. The causes can be physical, emotional, or sensory. Like our toddler son’s meltdowns when the lights and flowing people at the shopping mall overwhelmed him.
LOVE ME WITHOUT ‘IF’
We love our children, but sometimes we wish they were different. As an adult, I confronted my own mother for her ‘only if’ comments, and once she realized the message she had been giving, she changed her behavior.
There is a reason why this book has won so much acclaim and is prized internationally.
I received a book from the author. My review is fair and unbiased.
I did raise a challenging child. It took effort to gain the parenting skills we needed. Teachers didn’t know what to do with him. We were told he was ADHD, oppositional defiant, and lots of other easy labels. No one noted he was gifted. With help from a counselor who suggested the school test him, he was jumped a grade and thrived. We ended up homeschooling him through junior and senior high. We paid for testing that helped us understand his gifts and learning style, and areas where he lagged.
I learned that adults want to put kids into categories, assume that behavior is a choice, and try to pound square kids into round holes. So many points in Ten Things Every Child With Autism Wants You To Know is good advice for all parents. Notbohm draws from her own experience raising a child with autism, sharing insights that is helpful to parents and teachers.
Her books is elegantly written, accessible, and affirming.
In brief, the lessons are:
I AM A WHOLE CHILD
Every child deserves to be seen, not through the lens of a diagnosis or category, but as a whole person with individual gifts and needs. Being labeled counters this.
MY SENSES ARE OUT OF SYNC
Some of us can filter out the deluge of stimuli we encounter at every moment. In the morning my husband watches the news while I read my email and online newspapers and I just block out the tv. Imagine if you couldn’t do that–if your brain allowed it all to crash in on you?
SEE THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN WON’T AND CAN’T
Instead of judging a child as defiant or obstinate, understand what is holding them back from fulfilling your request.
I’M A CONCRETE THINKER
Be specific. Use correct language, not idioms. Don’t assume the child understands what you are inferring when you tell him his room is a mess.
LISTEN TO ALL THE WAYS I’M TRYING TO COMMUNICATE
What children can’t tell you in words they may be expressing through action. It’s our job to help them learn how to use words.
I’M VISUALLY ORIENTED
Tools for organization like charts and calendars help a child prepare for life. I get this because I need a visual calendrer, not just recording things on my virtual one. For our young son, we posted a list of expected behavior that earned gold stars, the stars translating to an agreed upon reward like family game night with pizza.
FOCUS ON WHAT I CAN DO
Plenty of people will note your failures and inabilities, which is never helpful. Understand your child’s learning style. Note the accomplishments and the positive. Don’t compare them to others.
HELP ME BE SOCIAL
Our son went to a Halloween party with kids he knew, but clung to my side, observing until he felt comfortable enough to join in. But what if your child can’t pick up on social cues and imitate the other kids? Teaching children manners and social skills is essential for their success. This is a long chapter on an essential lesson.
IDENTIFY WHAT CAUSES MY MELTDOWNS
When a child is overwhelmed they don’t know how to control it or convey their needs. The causes can be physical, emotional, or sensory. Like our toddler son’s meltdowns when the lights and flowing people at the shopping mall overwhelmed him.
LOVE ME WITHOUT ‘IF’
We love our children, but sometimes we wish they were different. As an adult, I confronted my own mother for her ‘only if’ comments, and once she realized the message she had been giving, she changed her behavior.
There is a reason why this book has won so much acclaim and is prized internationally.
I received a book from the author. My review is fair and unbiased.
March 15, 2013
My sister-in-law recommends some good reading and I have to say, THIS book provides terrific insights as to how we all can communicate better with the children in our lives. While the book is primarily intended to help families and teachers better understand how children somewhere on the Autism Spectrum or Aspergers need us to communicate, I find myself rethinking my approach on communication with everyone. A simple phrase like: "It's raining cats and dogs" can leave a LOT to the imagination. While many of us figured out that it meant there is a lot of rain coming down, those in our circles who take things more literally, like those mentioned above or those for whom English is a second language, can just be flummoxed. This is only one example. As I read through this book, I find myself wanting to be more clear when giving instruction, and more patient with those trying to untangle our strange language. I find it refreshing that this book is not written by therapists or researchers, but a mom who learned the hard way, and followed her heart and gut to resist the "norm" when dealing with the "system". This is time well spent, and I am better for having read it. It can be purchased in hard copy or for Kindle.
March 3, 2009
Wow there were so many things that I learned from this book, and quite a few that pertain to all children and parents when it comes to living a good life and helping our kids be all they can be. I did have a hard time not feeling guilty at how positive the author says she was from the start of her son's diagnosis. I am trying, and hopefully I will get to where she is at some point. I think one of the things I liked the most is when she talks about not dwelling on what you don't have.
She states "how much time and energy do you expend dwelling on what you don't have and can't have? That's called brooding. How much could you accomplish if you redirected that energy into doing, trying and reaching forwawrd? That's called progress."
This is so true with everything in life.
I would recommend this book to anyone that wants to know more about what goes on with children with any type of spectrum disorder.
She states "how much time and energy do you expend dwelling on what you don't have and can't have? That's called brooding. How much could you accomplish if you redirected that energy into doing, trying and reaching forwawrd? That's called progress."
This is so true with everything in life.
I would recommend this book to anyone that wants to know more about what goes on with children with any type of spectrum disorder.
May 18, 2017
I would say that this book is valuable as a starting point in learning about autism. It's very short (110 pages + Introduction). By no means does it cover any aspect of Autism in depth, but it's, as I said before, a starting point. Personally, I prefer books that cite studies that back up claims because I am a psychology major. I don't quite trust advice books that give advice of the cuff. Because, quite frankly, I could say anything as long as it sounded good and people would eat it all up. However, I do think this book gives a valuable voice because it's written by a mother of a child with autism. Clearly, throughout the book, you can sense that she loves her child very much. It gives a unique perspective of the disorder, that of the parent, and that makes the book valuable. However, again, due to lack of statistical evidence cited for claims, I gave this book 3 stars.
May 11, 2018
A few thoughts:
1. I wish I’d read this book 8 years ago.
2. Everyone needs to read this book.
3. It has helped me shift some thought patterns about how I’m raising my son.
4. The author doesn’t mince words. I felt at times that I was a terrible parent for thinking certain things over the years, and for not already doing some things. A little more “it’s not too late” would be nice. She felt condescending a bit.
1. I wish I’d read this book 8 years ago.
2. Everyone needs to read this book.
3. It has helped me shift some thought patterns about how I’m raising my son.
4. The author doesn’t mince words. I felt at times that I was a terrible parent for thinking certain things over the years, and for not already doing some things. A little more “it’s not too late” would be nice. She felt condescending a bit.
May 26, 2019
While a good introduction to autism, this book read a little more like a personal memoir. It did give some book references, but I thought it would have a little more research. It talked about her son a lot, which while interesting, I wish it had explored more than one child with autism.
August 24, 2021
Good reflections on autism and how to understand children on the spectrum better. Many observations and advice can be applied to any child really. It’s a starting point for adults who wish to familiarise themselves with autism and get a positive outlook.
October 3, 2013
I am a grandma and my grandson was just diagnosed. What an eye opener this book was. Well written and easy to understand and from the perspective of those living with ASD.
March 24, 2014
'The greatest tragedy that can befall a child with autism is to be surrounded by adults who think it's a tragedy.'
<3
<3
January 30, 2023
Honestly, so very!
January 3, 2020
#مراجعة_خاصة
#التوحد
"طفلي يعاني من مرض التوحد" و"طفلي لن يفعل ذلك أبدًا" اذا كنت ممن يقولونها ، فأنت بحاجة حقًا إلى قراءة هذا الكتاب.
الكتاب خاص نعم ، وهو موجه بالأساس الى اباء و امهات اطفال التوحد ، لكن هذا لا يمنع في من يرغب في الاقتراب من عالمهم من أخذ نظرة سريعة عنه !
صراحة منذ زمن توقفت عن قراءة تجارب الآخرين حول هذا الاضطراب... وان كنت تعلمت شيئا من كل هذا فهو ان كل طفل توحدي هو طفل مختلف عن الطفل التوحدي الاخر ! ولهذا كنت أعيش تجربتي ...الأمر قد يبدو غريبًا لكم ، لكن المهتمين بالميدان يعرفون سبب الاختيار !
وحتى كاتبة هذا العمل اشارت له قبل ان تتشعب في الموضوع ، اذ قد أوضحت ايلين في بداية الكتاب أن جميع الأطفال مختلفون وأن كل شيء هنا لن ينطبق على كل طفل، بل موضوع كتابها هو ابنها برايس اولا ثم التوحد ثانيا ان استطعت قول هذا.
نعود للعنوان الذي اثار فضولي ؛ عشرة اشياء يتمنى كل طفل توحدي ان تعرفها ...!
حاولت تعداد تلك العشرة الأشياء ، التي ربما ابني يحيى قد يود ان يعرفها الآخرون عنه ! و في غضون دقيقة وجدتني قد تجاوزت العدد بأشواط ، و هنا حل محل الفضول الاستغراب لأعرف كيف استطاعت الأم الاختيار بينهم لتقف عند العدد عشرة !
للتذكير فقط فالكتاب ليس دليلًا عمليًا يرشدك للتعامل مع المشكلات اليومية مع اضطراب التوحد ، كما أنه ليس وصفًا سريريا له يخبرك فيه عن اسبابه ..إنه يمنحك فهمًا لبعض المفاهيم الإيجابية الرئيسية محاولًا إظهار كيفية استخدامها العملي و بشكل يومي.
وحتى لا اطيل،اعرض تلك الاشياء العشرة والتي قد تبدو بنظر البعض منكم من البديهيات:
1. I am a whole child.
2. My senses are out of sync
3. Distinguish between won't and can't
4. I am a concrete thinker, I interpret language literally
5. Listen to all the ways I'm trying to communicate
6. Picture this! I am visually orientated
7. Focus and build on what I can do rather than what I can't do
8. Help me with social interactions
9. Identify what triggers my meltdowns
10. Love me unconditionally
كل واحدة خصص لها فصل ، يعرض لوضعيات تعيشها الام و ابنها ، "طبعا وجدت نفسي في بعض منها و في البعض الاخر صديقات لي "، وتحاول ايضا عرض حلول تناسب طفلها او نجحت معه لتجاوزها ! تلك التفاصيل التي كنا نغفل عنها لقصر إدراكنا حينها و اخرى أدركناها متأخرات ربما، فصرنا نخبر الامهات الجدد بها ! فمع التوحد ، الوقت هو سلاحنا !
وان أردت اختصار كل تلك الفصول عليك، فسأخبرك ان الطفل التوحدي وقبل كل شيء يحتاج لان تقبل به كما هو دون ان تحاول تغييره هو ليس بشيء منكسر او اصابه العطب لتحاول انت اصلاحه!
هو يحتاج للإيمان به أولًا ...ان تؤمن بانه قادر على تحقيق اشياء عديدة وان لا تحد من امكانياته ، تحتاج فقط الى الكثير من الصبر ، الملاحظة و التحليل لتعرف مواطن قوته ، رغباته؛ لتركز على ما يجيد فعله و تطور منه...ولا تركز على ما لا يستطيع انجازه،
البدايات قد تكون متعثرة ، لكن مع الوقت ستعتاد استيباق العديد من الاشياء وتوقعها ، بل و كل السيناريوهات تكتب لوحدها داخل راسك فتجد نفسك تختار من بينها في وقت وجيز متفاديا نوبة غضب كانت تأخذ منك نصف ساعة او ساعتين لتهدئتها.
تبقى نقطة التفاعلات الاجتماعية العقبة التي تحتاج لأطراف و تدخل عناصر ثانية ، هم العائلة ، الاصدقاء ، الاطفال ...
الجميل في الكتاب هو انه يمضي هذا وقتًا طويلاً في مناقشة "اللغة / لغة التوحد" التي يستخدمها الآباء والأمهات والمختصين. اذ يجعل من الواضح تمامًا أن الطريقة التي نعبر بها عن أطفالنا و كيفية تشجيعنا لهم ، لها تأثير هائل على تقديرهم لذاتهم وعلى نجاحهم في المستقبل. ( ليس فقط الطفل التوحدي ) اذ غالبًا ما نستخدم لغة سلبية دون إدراكها ، ويقدم الكتاب بعض النصائح المفيدة حول كيفية اكتشاف هذه الكلمات السلبية وإزالتها من تفاعلاتنا اليومية..
كل هذا في ما لا يقل عن 200 صفحة مع عرض سلس و سهل للغاية..إنها قراءة خفيفة و بلغتها الأصل ، ما ساعدني هو معرفتي بالمصطلحات التقنية الخاصة بالمجال .
#quotes
The child who lives with autism may look “normal,” but his behavior can be perplexing and downright unruly.
If we can't start by seeing an autistic child as inherently capable, interesting, and valuable, no amount of education or therapy we layer on top is going to matter.
Presuming that a nonspeaking child has nothing to say is like presuming that an adult without a car has nowhere to go
———
Ellen_Notbohm#
Ten Things Every Child with Autism Wishes You Knew
#التوحد
"طفلي يعاني من مرض التوحد" و"طفلي لن يفعل ذلك أبدًا" اذا كنت ممن يقولونها ، فأنت بحاجة حقًا إلى قراءة هذا الكتاب.
الكتاب خاص نعم ، وهو موجه بالأساس الى اباء و امهات اطفال التوحد ، لكن هذا لا يمنع في من يرغب في الاقتراب من عالمهم من أخذ نظرة سريعة عنه !
صراحة منذ زمن توقفت عن قراءة تجارب الآخرين حول هذا الاضطراب... وان كنت تعلمت شيئا من كل هذا فهو ان كل طفل توحدي هو طفل مختلف عن الطفل التوحدي الاخر ! ولهذا كنت أعيش تجربتي ...الأمر قد يبدو غريبًا لكم ، لكن المهتمين بالميدان يعرفون سبب الاختيار !
وحتى كاتبة هذا العمل اشارت له قبل ان تتشعب في الموضوع ، اذ قد أوضحت ايلين في بداية الكتاب أن جميع الأطفال مختلفون وأن كل شيء هنا لن ينطبق على كل طفل، بل موضوع كتابها هو ابنها برايس اولا ثم التوحد ثانيا ان استطعت قول هذا.
نعود للعنوان الذي اثار فضولي ؛ عشرة اشياء يتمنى كل طفل توحدي ان تعرفها ...!
حاولت تعداد تلك العشرة الأشياء ، التي ربما ابني يحيى قد يود ان يعرفها الآخرون عنه ! و في غضون دقيقة وجدتني قد تجاوزت العدد بأشواط ، و هنا حل محل الفضول الاستغراب لأعرف كيف استطاعت الأم الاختيار بينهم لتقف عند العدد عشرة !
للتذكير فقط فالكتاب ليس دليلًا عمليًا يرشدك للتعامل مع المشكلات اليومية مع اضطراب التوحد ، كما أنه ليس وصفًا سريريا له يخبرك فيه عن اسبابه ..إنه يمنحك فهمًا لبعض المفاهيم الإيجابية الرئيسية محاولًا إظهار كيفية استخدامها العملي و بشكل يومي.
وحتى لا اطيل،اعرض تلك الاشياء العشرة والتي قد تبدو بنظر البعض منكم من البديهيات:
1. I am a whole child.
2. My senses are out of sync
3. Distinguish between won't and can't
4. I am a concrete thinker, I interpret language literally
5. Listen to all the ways I'm trying to communicate
6. Picture this! I am visually orientated
7. Focus and build on what I can do rather than what I can't do
8. Help me with social interactions
9. Identify what triggers my meltdowns
10. Love me unconditionally
كل واحدة خصص لها فصل ، يعرض لوضعيات تعيشها الام و ابنها ، "طبعا وجدت نفسي في بعض منها و في البعض الاخر صديقات لي "، وتحاول ايضا عرض حلول تناسب طفلها او نجحت معه لتجاوزها ! تلك التفاصيل التي كنا نغفل عنها لقصر إدراكنا حينها و اخرى أدركناها متأخرات ربما، فصرنا نخبر الامهات الجدد بها ! فمع التوحد ، الوقت هو سلاحنا !
وان أردت اختصار كل تلك الفصول عليك، فسأخبرك ان الطفل التوحدي وقبل كل شيء يحتاج لان تقبل به كما هو دون ان تحاول تغييره هو ليس بشيء منكسر او اصابه العطب لتحاول انت اصلاحه!
هو يحتاج للإيمان به أولًا ...ان تؤمن بانه قادر على تحقيق اشياء عديدة وان لا تحد من امكانياته ، تحتاج فقط الى الكثير من الصبر ، الملاحظة و التحليل لتعرف مواطن قوته ، رغباته؛ لتركز على ما يجيد فعله و تطور منه...ولا تركز على ما لا يستطيع انجازه،
البدايات قد تكون متعثرة ، لكن مع الوقت ستعتاد استيباق العديد من الاشياء وتوقعها ، بل و كل السيناريوهات تكتب لوحدها داخل راسك فتجد نفسك تختار من بينها في وقت وجيز متفاديا نوبة غضب كانت تأخذ منك نصف ساعة او ساعتين لتهدئتها.
تبقى نقطة التفاعلات الاجتماعية العقبة التي تحتاج لأطراف و تدخل عناصر ثانية ، هم العائلة ، الاصدقاء ، الاطفال ...
الجميل في الكتاب هو انه يمضي هذا وقتًا طويلاً في مناقشة "اللغة / لغة التوحد" التي يستخدمها الآباء والأمهات والمختصين. اذ يجعل من الواضح تمامًا أن الطريقة التي نعبر بها عن أطفالنا و كيفية تشجيعنا لهم ، لها تأثير هائل على تقديرهم لذاتهم وعلى نجاحهم في المستقبل. ( ليس فقط الطفل التوحدي ) اذ غالبًا ما نستخدم لغة سلبية دون إدراكها ، ويقدم الكتاب بعض النصائح المفيدة حول كيفية اكتشاف هذه الكلمات السلبية وإزالتها من تفاعلاتنا اليومية..
كل هذا في ما لا يقل عن 200 صفحة مع عرض سلس و سهل للغاية..إنها قراءة خفيفة و بلغتها الأصل ، ما ساعدني هو معرفتي بالمصطلحات التقنية الخاصة بالمجال .
#quotes
The child who lives with autism may look “normal,” but his behavior can be perplexing and downright unruly.
If we can't start by seeing an autistic child as inherently capable, interesting, and valuable, no amount of education or therapy we layer on top is going to matter.
Presuming that a nonspeaking child has nothing to say is like presuming that an adult without a car has nowhere to go
———
Ellen_Notbohm#
Ten Things Every Child with Autism Wishes You Knew
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