Pretending to Love: How to Cheat Your Way to Relationship Bliss!

by Ashton Cartwright

A facetious guide to navigating the perils and pitfalls of a modern relationship, Pretending to Love will teach you how to attract the right sort of partner, trick them into liking you, manipulate their feelings to suit your own needs, and then dump them in an appropriate fashion when you get bored and/or hungry.

Full of useful information such as:
How to Get Your Own Way
Improving Your Partner Through the Power of Nagging
Meeting Your Partner’s Hot Friends
Why Honesty is the Worst Policy

But don’t just take my word for it! Have a look at what other people have said about Pretending to Love:

“Very slightly amusing.”
“Good for reading on the toilet.”
“Not as terrible as I expected!”

High praise? Perhaps! Read Pretending to Love and decide for yourself!

Genres: Humor, Nonfiction, Self Help

136 pages, Kindle Edition

First published September 10, 2012

About the author

Ashton Cartwright is a part time author, full time poker player, and all the time hair model.

A dedicated Juggalo, as well as a master of mathematics; he happily lists his three favorite things as "Profit and money," which enlightens us all to the virtues of his pure and loving heart.

Ashton has been married concurrently a record 27 times, mostly through virtue of getting a celebrant drunk on home-brewed moonshine. His current collection of partners includes three geese, a doorknob, and a life-sized cardboard cut-out of himself.

Ashton is also currently working on the screenplay for his new movie: I Know What I Did Last Summer.

"Why did I write this book? Well, from an early age I knew that I wanted to profit from the suffering of others, so it was either this, politics, or reality TV."
- Ashton Cartwright

Reviews

[Susan Cartwright · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book came up really well on my Ipad, the cartoons are done in pink and blue. For $2.99 this is worth buying. Even though my own son wrote it, and honestly, how embarrassing is that? As a mother one would think I could have done better, but you know what they say: "You can't make a silk purse out of a sows ear." I suspect this book will offend a lot of people. That is another reason I want a paperback copy.

[George · Rating 5 out of 5]

Ashton Cartwright is funny and his wit will keep you laughing throughout the book. This book is well written. Ash has a great way of presenting his wit. I recommend this book to anyone that really likes a good laugh, what the heck also recommend this book for anyone that doesn't like to laugh, I'm sure it will bring a smile to your face! HAPPY READING!!!!!!!

[Anu · Rating 3 out of 5]

I think this pretty much sums it up.



The book, I mean. Not my life.

[Victoria Evangelina Allen · Rating 2 out of 5]

Funny, silly, but basically - a waste of time...

[Stephanie · Rating 3 out of 5]

A funny book. There were times I laughed out loud but it’s not a 5 star read for me. It didn’t make a lot of sense which I don’t believe it was supposed to.

[Michelle · Rating 4 out of 5]

This is a highly entertaining, very tongue in cheek look at relationships.
I laughed out loud several times.
There's a lot of truth in his observations whether you are in a relationship or not.

[Pia Vidal · Rating 2 out of 5]

Pretending to Love

It was really torture to finish this book. I laugh at the beginning but then it was the same thing over and over again. Not funny any more.

[Darlene · Rating 4 out of 5]

What would happen if a fellow suddenly found tongue-in-cheek? And if was his own? Affixed, as it were, permanently? Mr. Ashton Cartwright seems to have found that position and stuck with it the whole book! I'll bet many of these were hard earned lessons of life. I have seen my own sons struggle with these. Heck, even my husbands could have used this book to get them past some pretty awkward times.

Don't get me wrong, girls, there is plenty of tongue for your cheeks, too! Maybe if this book were given to all 14 year olds they would laugh themselves silly and proceed in a proper manner to single-hood. Then staying single until attaining a strong self-worth, fall into relationships that might, actually, work. Or teach a new paradigm: Healthy adults don't need to be in relationships to be healthy adults!

I loved the cartoons and the jokes along the way. But I especially loved the puns directed at the author, by the author! Even more I loved the testimonies at the end by the author's parents and friends. Somehow, I see Mr. Cartwright as a strong, self-assured guy who can not only take it but dish it out in equal measures! Healthy, strong parentage, huh?

Hey, but tongues aside, I think you have potential as an author, Ashton! More!!!!!

[Saarah Niña · Rating 5 out of 5]

Funny, comedic and truly honest

Not written for the serious people, nor for the naive. None of that which is written should be taken seriously. At first, I read this believing it was a novel rather than a 'self help' book. In any case it is neither.

It is a collection of essays mocking love. I enjoyed it, it made me smile more times than I can remember. It was helpful in the sense that most of the generalisations regarding men were seemingly realistic. I will read again, and please note I am no fool: this was a free book.

Mr. Cartwright (when saying your name it sounds awfully akfully akin to Mr. Can't Write. This is of course, sincerely, false. Unless I was to.take your editor's word for it.) Anyway, what I initially wanted to say was that you are free to use my testimonial, though I'm not sure you'd want to.

[V · Rating 1 out of 5]

I absolutely loathed every second I wasted reading this book. The author obviously thinks that they have written a humorous book, but in reality it is just a trite sarcastic rehash of gender tropes from magazines and sitcoms. While both sexes do not come off lightly in the author's attempt at shaming the ridiculousness that dating has become, it leans towards the misogynistic which made for a thoroughly unpleasant read. The so-called comics are a repetition of the exact same picture over and over with different captions in speech and thought bubbles. These are also not funny. To sum it up, this is a completely useless book. It is neither funny, nor enlightening in anyway. Save yourself some time and don't bother opening it.

[kathryn houseman · Rating 5 out of 5]

Still Laughing

I have been married 16 years come February and We have been together a total of 22 years and I Love This Book !!!! And just to let You knows You are not alone. My favorite quote (mine) " I will get married when I am old and gray and nothing else better to live for". Yes I was reminded of statement many times over the years. Great Book !!

[Nikki Sex · Rating 5 out of 5]

One of my fans gave me a copy of his book. I laughed all the way through it. It is a really, really funny look at love and relationships. If you want to laugh, and you have a quirky enough sense of humor check out a sample copy on Amazon. It's a hoot.

[Barb · Rating 5 out of 5]

I enjoyed every minute of this book. It was laugh out loud funny. There was just enough truth
to make you squirm (in a good way of course). Helen Gurley Brown would approve this book. Well done Ashton.

[Dipika Bangera · Rating 2 out of 5]

This book can be called a comedy of errors. If you follow these advices you are sure to fail. Just go through it at your own risk. Do you really need a book on this subject?

People in love are usually blind and are willing to fall into their own pitfalls

[Anna · Rating 3 out of 5]

This book was absolutely hilarious. The whole thing was heavily sarcastic, which I wasn't fully expecting. I was looking for at least a few helpful tips, but I at least got a damn good laugh out of it. A light, easy, humor read for anyone feeling down in the dumps about love.

[Aprilxti · Rating 5 out of 5]

Humorous xD

[Jasmyn · Rating 3 out of 5]

It was a fairly good, funny book. I kind of read it in bits and pieces, though.

[Sumanth Gottipati · Rating 4 out of 5]

Cynical, Stereotypical and Funny! While this book is largely based on Stereotypes, much more practical. It's definitely fun to read. The Author has a good sense of Humor.

[Ree · Rating 3 out of 5]

Told in a sarcastic way, "Pretending to Love" is a book designed to make you laugh.

[Marian · Rating 4 out of 5]

Amusing

This is light, quick, and amusing fare. Enough things here and there made me grin. This was a handy book to read in short bursts, which I appreciated.

[Barbara Folk]

silly little book, but funny. :)

[Lakisha]

I did not like this read. It was boring. It was sarcastic, but its attempt at humor made the punchline go flat.