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Confessions of a Fairy's Daughter: Growing Up with a Gay Dad
A moving memoir about growing up with a gay father in the 1980s, and a tribute to the power of truth, humour, acceptance and familial love. Alison Wearing led a largely carefree childhood until she learned, at the age of 12, that her family was a little more complex than she had realized. Sure her father had always been unusual compared to the other dads in the neighbourhood he loved to bake croissants, wear silk pyjamas around the house, and skip down the street singing songs from Gilbert and Sullivan operettas. But when he came out of the closet in the 1970s, when homosexuality was still a cardinal taboo, it was a shock to everyone in the quiet community of Peterborough, Ontario, especially to his wife and three children.
Alison's father was a professor of political science and amateur choral conductor, her mother was an accomplished pianist and marathon runner, and together they had fed the family a steady diet of arts, adventures, mishaps, normal frustrations, and inexhaustible laughter. Yet despite these agreeable circumstances, Joe's internal life was haunted by conflicting desires. As he began to explore and understand the truth about himself, he became determined to find a way to live both as a gay man and also a devoted father, something almost unheard of at the time.
Through extraordinary excerpts from his own letters and journals from the years of his coming out, we read of Joe's private struggle to make sense and beauty of his life, to take inspiration from an evolving society and become part of the vanguard of the gay revolution in Canada. Confessions of a Fairy's Daughter is also the story of coming out as the daughter of a gay father. Already wrestling with an adolescent's search for identity when her father came out of the closet, Alison promptly went in, concealing his sexual orientation from her friends and spinning extravagant stories about all of the great straight things they did together.
Alison's father was a professor of political science and amateur choral conductor, her mother was an accomplished pianist and marathon runner, and together they had fed the family a steady diet of arts, adventures, mishaps, normal frustrations, and inexhaustible laughter. Yet despite these agreeable circumstances, Joe's internal life was haunted by conflicting desires. As he began to explore and understand the truth about himself, he became determined to find a way to live both as a gay man and also a devoted father, something almost unheard of at the time.
Through extraordinary excerpts from his own letters and journals from the years of his coming out, we read of Joe's private struggle to make sense and beauty of his life, to take inspiration from an evolving society and become part of the vanguard of the gay revolution in Canada. Confessions of a Fairy's Daughter is also the story of coming out as the daughter of a gay father. Already wrestling with an adolescent's search for identity when her father came out of the closet, Alison promptly went in, concealing his sexual orientation from her friends and spinning extravagant stories about all of the great straight things they did together.
304 pages, Paperback
First published May 7, 2013
24 people are currently reading
1070 people want to read
About the author
Alison Wearing
7 books49 followersAlison Wearing is the author of Honeymoon in Purdah – an Iranian journey and Confessions of a Fairy’s Daughter (Alfred A. Knopf).
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 108 reviews
May 22, 2015
I loved this book in a quiet way. There was no tearing through pages. This is a tender, warm-hearted book about love, family, acceptance and the right to love whomever you choose. Wearing set out to write a book about the gay revolution in the 70's and 80's in Toronto, hoping to use her father's part in it as a jumping point. But after her father passes her a box of journals, newspaper clippings and letters from his days of coming out, she realized this story was really about him. By the end of the book, I felt like I knew Joe Wearing (and loved him too); his questioning, his suffering, his constant love for his family, and ultimately his happiness. Highly recommend!
June 4, 2023
*Revelations & Fallout*
This is a memoir based on Alison Wearings father and what it was like growing with a father that came out as gay. She discusses how she saw it, how her father saw it and how her mother saw it.
As a child Alison concealed it from her
school friends she was only 12 when she found out and it was hard to process and understand and at the same time and as children she invented stories about all that she thought was straight things that the family did together.
Her father was trying to understand what and why made him prefer men and he wanted to be himself and not judged. His other predicament was how he maintains being a father of three 2 boys 1 girl.
Her mother found out but still worked hard to make sure he was present in their lives.
The story is based in Canada in the midst of the gay uprising as her father came out as gay. we also see the affect it has on his sons.
Alison does not skirt over some of the painful parts, she also adds light and the humour that existed and it is sensitively written. Stupidly on my part I looked at the cover quickly thinking it was going to be some sort of fairytale, I focused on the little girl but I got more than I bargained for
This is a memoir based on Alison Wearings father and what it was like growing with a father that came out as gay. She discusses how she saw it, how her father saw it and how her mother saw it.
As a child Alison concealed it from her
school friends she was only 12 when she found out and it was hard to process and understand and at the same time and as children she invented stories about all that she thought was straight things that the family did together.
Her father was trying to understand what and why made him prefer men and he wanted to be himself and not judged. His other predicament was how he maintains being a father of three 2 boys 1 girl.
Her mother found out but still worked hard to make sure he was present in their lives.
The story is based in Canada in the midst of the gay uprising as her father came out as gay. we also see the affect it has on his sons.
Alison does not skirt over some of the painful parts, she also adds light and the humour that existed and it is sensitively written. Stupidly on my part I looked at the cover quickly thinking it was going to be some sort of fairytale, I focused on the little girl but I got more than I bargained for
January 12, 2015
"A moving memoir about growing up with a gay father in the 1980s, and a tribute to the power of truth, humour, acceptance and familial love.
Alison Wearing led a largely carefree childhood until she learned, at the age of 12, that her family was a little more complex than she had realized. Sure her father had always been unusual compared to the other dads in the neighbourhood: he loved to bake croissants, wear silk pyjamas around the house, and skip down the street singing songs from Gilbert and Sullivan operettas. But when he came out of the closet in the 1970s, when homosexuality was still a cardinal taboo, it was a shock to everyone in the quiet community of Peterborough, Ontario—especially to his wife and three children."
“The past is a foreign country; they do things differently there.”
L.P. Harley (The Go-Between)
I remember the 1970s because I was in junior high and high school during that decade. That said, it was before I became aware of politics or a sense history being created. I was still reading Black Stallion books, just discovering Tolkien, and participating in 4-H Horse Club.
So the change in Canada’s laws on homosexuality made absolutely no impression on me. That was completely out of my ken. Alison Wearing did not have the luxury of ignorance—this impinged directly on her parents and her family. This book is her chronicle of the experience of having her dad come out of the closet and try to forge a life for himself that includes his children. It is a challenge, as being a gay dad is an absolutely foreign concept at that time. A large part of the book relates to Alison’s own experience, but she also devotes sections to both her father’s and mother’s view-points.
The love between Alison and her parents is wonderful to observe. Not to say that everything was easy—it wasn’t—but they all tried valiantly to make things work. Her father observes at one point that if he’d been born 10 years earlier, he would probably never have come out and if born 10 years later, he probably would never have married in the first place. Reading this book made me realize how far we have come as a society in our acceptance of the LGBT community, and that pleases me a great deal.
Alison Wearing led a largely carefree childhood until she learned, at the age of 12, that her family was a little more complex than she had realized. Sure her father had always been unusual compared to the other dads in the neighbourhood: he loved to bake croissants, wear silk pyjamas around the house, and skip down the street singing songs from Gilbert and Sullivan operettas. But when he came out of the closet in the 1970s, when homosexuality was still a cardinal taboo, it was a shock to everyone in the quiet community of Peterborough, Ontario—especially to his wife and three children."
“The past is a foreign country; they do things differently there.”
L.P. Harley (The Go-Between)
I remember the 1970s because I was in junior high and high school during that decade. That said, it was before I became aware of politics or a sense history being created. I was still reading Black Stallion books, just discovering Tolkien, and participating in 4-H Horse Club.
So the change in Canada’s laws on homosexuality made absolutely no impression on me. That was completely out of my ken. Alison Wearing did not have the luxury of ignorance—this impinged directly on her parents and her family. This book is her chronicle of the experience of having her dad come out of the closet and try to forge a life for himself that includes his children. It is a challenge, as being a gay dad is an absolutely foreign concept at that time. A large part of the book relates to Alison’s own experience, but she also devotes sections to both her father’s and mother’s view-points.
The love between Alison and her parents is wonderful to observe. Not to say that everything was easy—it wasn’t—but they all tried valiantly to make things work. Her father observes at one point that if he’d been born 10 years earlier, he would probably never have come out and if born 10 years later, he probably would never have married in the first place. Reading this book made me realize how far we have come as a society in our acceptance of the LGBT community, and that pleases me a great deal.
March 26, 2025
Read For Book Club and So Glad I Did!
What an important read!
Alison shares with us, through heartbreak and humour, her many experiences and just what life was like growing up with a gay Dad.
"Children are hot harmed by sexual knowledge, they are harmed by the attitudes of disgust and shame that many adults force upon them."
"Our only failures are our judgement of others".
Highly Recommended!
What an important read!
Alison shares with us, through heartbreak and humour, her many experiences and just what life was like growing up with a gay Dad.
"Children are hot harmed by sexual knowledge, they are harmed by the attitudes of disgust and shame that many adults force upon them."
"Our only failures are our judgement of others".
Highly Recommended!
April 1, 2013
I simply could not put this book down and read it from cover to cover in one sitting. Equal parts touching and hilarious, I found myself crying and laughing, often in the same paragraph. Wearing has a spectacular ability to cut to the heart of each moment, economically setting each scene so that the pages practically turn on their own in anticipation of what comes next. She paints a loving portrait of her father, a heartbreaking one of her mother, and uses humour to connect the two into a fulfilling whole. This is a must read on all levels.
May 16, 2021
In this memoir, the sections Wearing writes herself are very well done and easily worth 5 stars. However, my interest lagged when I reached the second section (The Way He Saw It) which was a grab bag of media, unfinished letters and journal entries from her father's stash. This section was fairly boring (although it appears likely that her father and I must have crossed paths in Toronto in 1978).
The volume picks up again which the narrative switches back to the writer, writing. Beautiful, and memorable. Highly recommended.
The volume picks up again which the narrative switches back to the writer, writing. Beautiful, and memorable. Highly recommended.
January 13, 2014
Confessions of a Fairy’s Daughter is a well written account growing up with a gay father in the 70’s by Alison Wearing that is part autobiography/biography. It begins with Alison’s life growing up Peterborough, Ontario How I saw It. This true to life story takes place during decades of extreme change in Canadian gay, lesbian, bisexual, transsexual and queer history, homosexuality was decriminalized the year Alison was toilet-trained.
The Way He Saw It (Part 2) is biographical based on the contents of a box that her father gave Alison containing his diary, newspaper clippings, drafts letters to friends and family, letters from friends, and notes to self during the first several years after coming out as a gay father. I did not find this part as intriguing as part one. It was very brave for her father to let himself be so open to his daughter and the world; I do applaud him for this. We learn a lot of Canadian Gay movement and community.
How She Saw It (Part 3) returns to the autobiography format as Alison returns to live with her mother. We learn the emotions her mother experienced when discovering a love letter that her husband has written to another man and the dissolving of their marriage, why they did not stay friends.
The Way We See it Now ( Part 4) brings the reader to current times as the entire extended family gathers to celebrate her father’s seventy fifth birthday.
3.5 *
The Way He Saw It (Part 2) is biographical based on the contents of a box that her father gave Alison containing his diary, newspaper clippings, drafts letters to friends and family, letters from friends, and notes to self during the first several years after coming out as a gay father. I did not find this part as intriguing as part one. It was very brave for her father to let himself be so open to his daughter and the world; I do applaud him for this. We learn a lot of Canadian Gay movement and community.
How She Saw It (Part 3) returns to the autobiography format as Alison returns to live with her mother. We learn the emotions her mother experienced when discovering a love letter that her husband has written to another man and the dissolving of their marriage, why they did not stay friends.
The Way We See it Now ( Part 4) brings the reader to current times as the entire extended family gathers to celebrate her father’s seventy fifth birthday.
3.5 *
May 1, 2022
I had this book on my list for awhile and finally got around to reading it. This is the first book I’ve read by this author.
I really enjoyed the first section of the book. i liked her writing, and her voice. It also made me aware of what polar opposites our young lives had been
It also inspired me to write an essay about the book on Medium.com.
The middle part of the book wasn’t as interesting to me. It is where she shares the papers
her father had given her. Drafts of letter to friends and family.His small blue diary. Newspaper clippings. Notes to self. Inspiring excerpts from plays, and journal entries titled of his story.
I did find it interesting that he had traced back his first homosexual impulse at the age of 7.
It was sad to see how his brother and sister reacted to his coming out.
This book does offer a great insight into what it was like to be a gay man in the 1980s. What it was like for a gay man to come out at that time. and the impact it had on family.
I really enjoyed the first section of the book. i liked her writing, and her voice. It also made me aware of what polar opposites our young lives had been
It also inspired me to write an essay about the book on Medium.com.
The middle part of the book wasn’t as interesting to me. It is where she shares the papers
her father had given her. Drafts of letter to friends and family.His small blue diary. Newspaper clippings. Notes to self. Inspiring excerpts from plays, and journal entries titled of his story.
I did find it interesting that he had traced back his first homosexual impulse at the age of 7.
It was sad to see how his brother and sister reacted to his coming out.
This book does offer a great insight into what it was like to be a gay man in the 1980s. What it was like for a gay man to come out at that time. and the impact it had on family.
April 6, 2014
The title pretty much sums up what the book's about. I read it not just because it sounded interesting to me and had been recommended by a friend, but because I grew up in the same place as Wearing (Peterborough, Ontario) and her father and mine taught at the same university (Trent). (My mother says my parents knew the Wearings and my brother and his friends took piano lessons with Mrs. Wearing). While I have no memory of any of this, my enjoyment of the book may well be partially due to recognizing so much of it. While Wearing's and my childhood were different in one key respect (see title of book), they were also fundamentally similar, not just in growing up in that town, but in the environment of that university, where the faculty all socialized with each other and their children were friends with one another as well.
The book is structured in three parts: how Wearing experienced her childhood and her father's coming out, how he did (she uses his diaries and letters for this), and how her mother did (Wearing writes this part as well). I think it's particularly adept at demonstrating how gradual and step-by-step a coming-out by a man with a heterosexual family might be. Joe Wearing did not simply announce that he was gay one day, nor did he make a sudden break from his family. Rather he spent years trying to figure out if he was gay, and the better part of a year inching his way toward an active gay social life in Toronto (about 1.5 hours away from Ptbo). The narrative complicates more simplistic notions of absolute heterosexuality and complete homosexuality; for a while he was effectively both. Wearing is also articulate about place, in this case Peterborough. She returns to it after an absence of about 12 years at one point, and none too joyfully, but she's adept at talking about how people experience places differently as children/teenagers and adults. Having just returned to Peterborough myself for a visit not too long ago, I could relate, but I think the observations work for most of us regarding our home towns.
The book is structured in three parts: how Wearing experienced her childhood and her father's coming out, how he did (she uses his diaries and letters for this), and how her mother did (Wearing writes this part as well). I think it's particularly adept at demonstrating how gradual and step-by-step a coming-out by a man with a heterosexual family might be. Joe Wearing did not simply announce that he was gay one day, nor did he make a sudden break from his family. Rather he spent years trying to figure out if he was gay, and the better part of a year inching his way toward an active gay social life in Toronto (about 1.5 hours away from Ptbo). The narrative complicates more simplistic notions of absolute heterosexuality and complete homosexuality; for a while he was effectively both. Wearing is also articulate about place, in this case Peterborough. She returns to it after an absence of about 12 years at one point, and none too joyfully, but she's adept at talking about how people experience places differently as children/teenagers and adults. Having just returned to Peterborough myself for a visit not too long ago, I could relate, but I think the observations work for most of us regarding our home towns.
November 22, 2013
Alison Wearing displays an incredibly skillful use of language, and her memoir is a real pleasure to read. The story is basically about her father coming out as gay at midlife (in the mid to late 1970s). As he told his daughter once, if he'd been born ten years earlier, he probably would not have come out at all--if born ten years later, he probably would never have married.
The account is constructed in four sections: the initial (and longest) part is the author's view, followed by her father's perspective (largely based on old letters and journals from the period), her mother's view many years later, and finally where her family is today. The book is, in turns, quirky, touching, painful, and funny. The variety of perspectives supplement one another and work toward a more cohesive whole.
"The thing about having a gay parent is that so long as the rest of society can get over it, the 'gay' part isn't nearly as important as the 'parent' part; in fact, it's incidental."
The account is constructed in four sections: the initial (and longest) part is the author's view, followed by her father's perspective (largely based on old letters and journals from the period), her mother's view many years later, and finally where her family is today. The book is, in turns, quirky, touching, painful, and funny. The variety of perspectives supplement one another and work toward a more cohesive whole.
"The thing about having a gay parent is that so long as the rest of society can get over it, the 'gay' part isn't nearly as important as the 'parent' part; in fact, it's incidental."
November 3, 2016
This was a wonderfully written book. I laughed, I felt compassion, and I related to it on several levels. I really wasn't sure that I would like the book, because I do not like the title at all (Anything "confessions of..." sounds like a teen novel to me), but I was pleasantly surprised. There were a few holes in the book, questions that weren't answered (did she get over the eating disorder? What happened in the years between being in university and going to live with her mom at age 29? How did her heartbreak move into her eventually having a partner and a child?) So, now I'll keep wondering what happened, knowing that this book is an autobiography (of sorts). Still, I really enjoyed it and would recommend it to friends. Perhaps most important is not Alison's journey, but her father's, and it is incredibly valuable to have his letters and memories recorded for lgbt Canadian history.
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
April 15, 2013
I loved the story and the spirit in which it was told. It is an amazingly open and honest memoir and ultimately universal one full of empathy and compassion. I am recommending it to everyone. After hearing Alison speak about the book and finishing it in two sittings, I'd love to see the one woman show that she performs which was the original first version of the book.
September 1, 2014
I won a First Reads copy so I do not know how it differs from the final published version BUT....
Very funny, touching and full of great personal and historical happenings! I really loved how Wearing organized the book and how everything was approached with humour, deep understanding and acceptance!
Very funny, touching and full of great personal and historical happenings! I really loved how Wearing organized the book and how everything was approached with humour, deep understanding and acceptance!
January 27, 2020
Alison Wearing is coming to Burlington soon to give a workshop on memoir-writing and to perform her one-woman play based on this book, and now that I have read the book, I intend to register for both! She so skillfully and sensitively writes about deeply personal and sometimes painful aspects of her family life, always with love, and I would love to learn from her. She shows the way forward in how to move past family differences, and also how to write about it. She also has a new book out, which I have already ordered, and look forward to reading more of her work.
May 4, 2015
The press release detailing Alison Wearing’s book, “Confessions of a Fairy’s Daughter”, had me pumped. At last, I might get some insight into how my four children felt growing up with a gay Dad.
“Confessions” is a combination memoir/biography with Part One detailing Alison’s life from childhood through to a young adult in Peterborough, Ontario. Part Two, “The Way He Saw It”, becomes biographical and is based on the contents of a box which her father gives her containing his diary, newspaper clippings, drafts of letters to friends and family, letters from friends, and notes to self during the first several years after coming out as a gay father. Part Three returns to a memoir format as Alison returns to live with her mother for a time and learns the emotions her mother experienced when discovering a love letter that her husband has written to another man and the dissolving of their marriage. Part Four, “The Way We See it Now” brings the reader to current times as the entire extended family gathers to celebrate her father’s seventy fifth birthday.
Alison describes a normal childhood with a vigorous sense of humour, (frequent belly laughs). Her father, an amateur choral conductor, has a passion for baking croissants, wearing silk pyjamas around the house and Gilbert and Sullivan. All is well with Alison’s world until her father takes an apartment in Toronto, spending weekends there, but remaining with the family during the week as he continues to teach at Trent University in Peterborough. Alison is puzzled why this is necessary but she begins to enjoy weekends in Toronto with her father, discovering new ethnic foods and being entertained by his friends at gay dinner parties.
Alison survives her father’s coming out, her parent’s divorce, her mothers remarriage and her father’s partnership with Lance, an Alberta farm boy. The first Christmas with her mother and her new husband, 2 brothers and 4 step siblings is described as kaleidoscopic as one of the step brothers decides to remove the tension by serving Christmas breakfast tea spiced with magic mushrooms. Christmas dinner did not happen until midnight, by which time the kids had spent the day playing poker, dying their hair pink and bonding as a new family.
She copes well with the border crossings from her mothers home to her fathers and back again and realizes that life with her gay father is far more entertaining and enjoyable than life with an heterosexual father. Her difficulty is with the rest of society as she watches the door to her father’s relationships with his brother and his sister slam shut. Toronto bathhouse raids and late 70s/early 80s attitudes force Alison to outwardly deny her father’s sexuality. She battles a Bulimia addiction, and deciding that she cannot escape Peterborough fast enough, she heads off to a language program at a University in France upon graduating high school.
The mood darkens further, as she writes from the contents of her fathers box of memoirs, revealing his despair and frustration after making the gut wrenching decision to pursue life as a gay man, reducing his time spent with his children and ending his marriage. He has discovered that yes, sex with a man can be as great as he imagined, but grows tired of meaningless one night stands and finds support from Gay Fathers of Toronto. Included are several letters from Arthur Motyer, a former colleague and friend from the mid 1960s, written on Mount Allison University letterhead, where Arthur taught for twenty-three years. Arthur, also a gay father, had already walked the road that Alison’s father was treading.
There are some surprise side stories such as a friendship with Pierre Trudeau as a result of her father’s life long association with the federal Liberal party. Step parents/partners of gay parents will admire Lance’s wisdom in giving space for Alison and her father’s relationship to continue to grow, never becoming a second father, but certainly a treasured and loved part of the family. Alison is unsure when having a gay father became as normal for her as having tea in the morning; perhaps it was when her six year old son describing how much two people love each other used the example of Granddad and Lance.
This true to life story takes place during decades of extreme change in Canadian gay, lesbian, bisexual, transsexual and queer history, (homosexuality was decriminalized the year Alison was toilet-trained). The Historian will appreciate the impact of Toronto bathhouse raids and Canadian society’s attitudes on an adolescent daughter of a gay man. Children of gay parents will relate to Alison’s experiences and Confessions of a Fairy’s Daughter is A MUST READ for every GLBTQ parent who has struggled to balance their true selves with love for and responsibility to their children.
I re read this book and enjoyed it every bit as much as the first time through, almost 2 years ago. Then I had the opportunity to attend her 70 minute monologue based on excerpts from the first section of this book. Very very well done.
“Confessions” is a combination memoir/biography with Part One detailing Alison’s life from childhood through to a young adult in Peterborough, Ontario. Part Two, “The Way He Saw It”, becomes biographical and is based on the contents of a box which her father gives her containing his diary, newspaper clippings, drafts of letters to friends and family, letters from friends, and notes to self during the first several years after coming out as a gay father. Part Three returns to a memoir format as Alison returns to live with her mother for a time and learns the emotions her mother experienced when discovering a love letter that her husband has written to another man and the dissolving of their marriage. Part Four, “The Way We See it Now” brings the reader to current times as the entire extended family gathers to celebrate her father’s seventy fifth birthday.
Alison describes a normal childhood with a vigorous sense of humour, (frequent belly laughs). Her father, an amateur choral conductor, has a passion for baking croissants, wearing silk pyjamas around the house and Gilbert and Sullivan. All is well with Alison’s world until her father takes an apartment in Toronto, spending weekends there, but remaining with the family during the week as he continues to teach at Trent University in Peterborough. Alison is puzzled why this is necessary but she begins to enjoy weekends in Toronto with her father, discovering new ethnic foods and being entertained by his friends at gay dinner parties.
Alison survives her father’s coming out, her parent’s divorce, her mothers remarriage and her father’s partnership with Lance, an Alberta farm boy. The first Christmas with her mother and her new husband, 2 brothers and 4 step siblings is described as kaleidoscopic as one of the step brothers decides to remove the tension by serving Christmas breakfast tea spiced with magic mushrooms. Christmas dinner did not happen until midnight, by which time the kids had spent the day playing poker, dying their hair pink and bonding as a new family.
She copes well with the border crossings from her mothers home to her fathers and back again and realizes that life with her gay father is far more entertaining and enjoyable than life with an heterosexual father. Her difficulty is with the rest of society as she watches the door to her father’s relationships with his brother and his sister slam shut. Toronto bathhouse raids and late 70s/early 80s attitudes force Alison to outwardly deny her father’s sexuality. She battles a Bulimia addiction, and deciding that she cannot escape Peterborough fast enough, she heads off to a language program at a University in France upon graduating high school.
The mood darkens further, as she writes from the contents of her fathers box of memoirs, revealing his despair and frustration after making the gut wrenching decision to pursue life as a gay man, reducing his time spent with his children and ending his marriage. He has discovered that yes, sex with a man can be as great as he imagined, but grows tired of meaningless one night stands and finds support from Gay Fathers of Toronto. Included are several letters from Arthur Motyer, a former colleague and friend from the mid 1960s, written on Mount Allison University letterhead, where Arthur taught for twenty-three years. Arthur, also a gay father, had already walked the road that Alison’s father was treading.
There are some surprise side stories such as a friendship with Pierre Trudeau as a result of her father’s life long association with the federal Liberal party. Step parents/partners of gay parents will admire Lance’s wisdom in giving space for Alison and her father’s relationship to continue to grow, never becoming a second father, but certainly a treasured and loved part of the family. Alison is unsure when having a gay father became as normal for her as having tea in the morning; perhaps it was when her six year old son describing how much two people love each other used the example of Granddad and Lance.
This true to life story takes place during decades of extreme change in Canadian gay, lesbian, bisexual, transsexual and queer history, (homosexuality was decriminalized the year Alison was toilet-trained). The Historian will appreciate the impact of Toronto bathhouse raids and Canadian society’s attitudes on an adolescent daughter of a gay man. Children of gay parents will relate to Alison’s experiences and Confessions of a Fairy’s Daughter is A MUST READ for every GLBTQ parent who has struggled to balance their true selves with love for and responsibility to their children.
I re read this book and enjoyed it every bit as much as the first time through, almost 2 years ago. Then I had the opportunity to attend her 70 minute monologue based on excerpts from the first section of this book. Very very well done.
July 9, 2013
This was quite a beautiful book. I do like a memoir and that is what pulled me to this book, particularly after I heard a nice interview between the author and her father. Their interview included a discussion of a birthday party that her father took on when her mother was absent to care for an ill grandmother. Alison Wearing had a plan for a typical 70s birthday with a traditional menu of hot dogs and cake but her father really thought it should be more festive and went with other choices which included a souffle and tarragon green beans. The way that they laughed about this and then opened up about what it was like to have family disintegration published for everyone to read was fascinating.
Alison Wearing begins the book by explaining that she is going to tell her own version of the story, provide detail using her father's diaries and letters from his coming out period, and include a brief section with input from her mother. This combination of stories fleshes out an incredibly difficult period of time for a young girl but also shows that there are other factors to consider (as there are in every family situation) and it's a bit of a gift. Her parents met and became strong friends in their early University years and then parted as one or both were busy travelling or studying. When they met each other again a few years later their relationship became stronger and they married. They had 3 children and a non-traditional marriage in that, although her mother was a stay-at-home mother she was an accomplished musician and a marathon runner so her sense of self and desire to have a life that was more than 'just a mother' was strong and her father (a professor @ Trent) was happy to fill in with domestic tasks like cooking and baking (not just limited to beans with fresh tarragon) and managing children's parties. As Alison reflected on how her parents chose to inhabit their roles in their own way, instead of following the cookie cutter options of most of her friends she admits that both of her parents were different but very happy with their family.
When Alison passes the story over to the notes and letters that her father kept you get a sense that some of her gift as a writer comes from him. Although the material is sometimes incomplete (with letters or diary entries he hadn't had time to finish) the picture of a man who is struggling with a huge life decision in as thoughtful and graceful a way as anyone possibly can. He collects magazine and newspaper articles, seeks advice and counselling several times, reflects on the loss of his wonderful family home and sends letters of explanation to family and close friends while he makes his decision. The author admits that having her father share this treasure trove of material with her makes the book deserving of two author credits but he doesn't want this.
It's the way that she brings so many things to the table that make this a great book. It's a sweet reminiscing with childhood and siblings, a bit of a rebel tale with her coming-of-age stuff and then a dissection and reflection on that life as an adult. It is funny and there are a lot of aching moments in the book but when the book reaches the end you feel as if you'd been given 3 different perspectives on a family life and that lends itself to a chance to reflect on your own past. It's a beautiful book and a father-daughter relationship and how people can change and accept each other which is what we are all doing. I am glad I read it as a daughter and I hope it can help put some important perspective into parenting also. A great book club read and a wonderful any person read.
Alison Wearing begins the book by explaining that she is going to tell her own version of the story, provide detail using her father's diaries and letters from his coming out period, and include a brief section with input from her mother. This combination of stories fleshes out an incredibly difficult period of time for a young girl but also shows that there are other factors to consider (as there are in every family situation) and it's a bit of a gift. Her parents met and became strong friends in their early University years and then parted as one or both were busy travelling or studying. When they met each other again a few years later their relationship became stronger and they married. They had 3 children and a non-traditional marriage in that, although her mother was a stay-at-home mother she was an accomplished musician and a marathon runner so her sense of self and desire to have a life that was more than 'just a mother' was strong and her father (a professor @ Trent) was happy to fill in with domestic tasks like cooking and baking (not just limited to beans with fresh tarragon) and managing children's parties. As Alison reflected on how her parents chose to inhabit their roles in their own way, instead of following the cookie cutter options of most of her friends she admits that both of her parents were different but very happy with their family.
When Alison passes the story over to the notes and letters that her father kept you get a sense that some of her gift as a writer comes from him. Although the material is sometimes incomplete (with letters or diary entries he hadn't had time to finish) the picture of a man who is struggling with a huge life decision in as thoughtful and graceful a way as anyone possibly can. He collects magazine and newspaper articles, seeks advice and counselling several times, reflects on the loss of his wonderful family home and sends letters of explanation to family and close friends while he makes his decision. The author admits that having her father share this treasure trove of material with her makes the book deserving of two author credits but he doesn't want this.
It's the way that she brings so many things to the table that make this a great book. It's a sweet reminiscing with childhood and siblings, a bit of a rebel tale with her coming-of-age stuff and then a dissection and reflection on that life as an adult. It is funny and there are a lot of aching moments in the book but when the book reaches the end you feel as if you'd been given 3 different perspectives on a family life and that lends itself to a chance to reflect on your own past. It's a beautiful book and a father-daughter relationship and how people can change and accept each other which is what we are all doing. I am glad I read it as a daughter and I hope it can help put some important perspective into parenting also. A great book club read and a wonderful any person read.
September 2, 2018
Whoa, this book knocked me off my pins for a few days. I'll undoubtedly be thinking about it for a long time.
I was excited to read this book club selection for a few reasons, not least of which, my father came out as gay after all four of us kids had left the proverbial nest. Well, he didn't formally come out -- we kind of found out bit by bit through getting to know some of his friends and through the fog of denial for some of us, including myself. So, I really didn't have the experience of knowingly living with a gay dad. But I was fascinated to read about what it would have been like if we had grown up with him out in the open, so to speak.
While I didn't love the title of the book, I did love the way Wearing structured the book, focussing on how she lived it, then how he saw it, then how her mother experienced it and finally, all of them coming together in a lovely family resolution. The best part of the book was in her father's notes and diaries, but I also appreciated how she came to understand her mother's take on everything, both sections I found very moving.
Her writing is wonderful -- humourous bits and sad bits all interwoven, as one would expect, but the language kept me turning the pages and I read this book in only a few days. I found the part about how she moved in with her mother in the country, both of them by now adults and grieving for their own separate reasons, a very evocative and beautiful section of the book.
I recommend this book to anyone who has been touched by fairy dust in their families -- it's not all glitter and light, but it's real life and with a lot of love, a wonderful adventure!
I was excited to read this book club selection for a few reasons, not least of which, my father came out as gay after all four of us kids had left the proverbial nest. Well, he didn't formally come out -- we kind of found out bit by bit through getting to know some of his friends and through the fog of denial for some of us, including myself. So, I really didn't have the experience of knowingly living with a gay dad. But I was fascinated to read about what it would have been like if we had grown up with him out in the open, so to speak.
While I didn't love the title of the book, I did love the way Wearing structured the book, focussing on how she lived it, then how he saw it, then how her mother experienced it and finally, all of them coming together in a lovely family resolution. The best part of the book was in her father's notes and diaries, but I also appreciated how she came to understand her mother's take on everything, both sections I found very moving.
Her writing is wonderful -- humourous bits and sad bits all interwoven, as one would expect, but the language kept me turning the pages and I read this book in only a few days. I found the part about how she moved in with her mother in the country, both of them by now adults and grieving for their own separate reasons, a very evocative and beautiful section of the book.
I recommend this book to anyone who has been touched by fairy dust in their families -- it's not all glitter and light, but it's real life and with a lot of love, a wonderful adventure!
September 16, 2013
Guest review from my mom:
At her age 18, her Father admitted:
"If I'd been born ten years ealier, it's very possible that I would never have come out at all, And if I'd been born ten years later, most probably I would never have married." What a powerful quote!
This is a fabulous book, well written with a sharp wit and good sense of humour; showing us a gay father's story, told through the eyes of his daughter. There were so many quotes in the book that I wrote down, and don't want to forget. I'm strongly suggesting you read this book and make your own list.
Life is always full of surprises, so read this book and find out how one family copes with tough choices in an effort to be true to themselves, and the love they feel for each other as a family.
At her age 18, her Father admitted:
"If I'd been born ten years ealier, it's very possible that I would never have come out at all, And if I'd been born ten years later, most probably I would never have married." What a powerful quote!
This is a fabulous book, well written with a sharp wit and good sense of humour; showing us a gay father's story, told through the eyes of his daughter. There were so many quotes in the book that I wrote down, and don't want to forget. I'm strongly suggesting you read this book and make your own list.
Life is always full of surprises, so read this book and find out how one family copes with tough choices in an effort to be true to themselves, and the love they feel for each other as a family.
July 8, 2014
"The thing about having a gay parent is that so long as the rest of society can get over it, the "gay" part isn't nearly as important as the "parent" part; in fact, it's incidental."
Alison Wearing's wonderful memoir captures a key period of gay history in North America. More than that, it captures the essence of a Canadian family during that period. It is both humorous and tragic -- I rarely laugh while reading but I did during this. Wearing's voice is engaging, friendly and witty. The portions of her father's writing that she shares are equally "stimulating" (you'll get it when you read it). Highly recommended!
Alison Wearing's wonderful memoir captures a key period of gay history in North America. More than that, it captures the essence of a Canadian family during that period. It is both humorous and tragic -- I rarely laugh while reading but I did during this. Wearing's voice is engaging, friendly and witty. The portions of her father's writing that she shares are equally "stimulating" (you'll get it when you read it). Highly recommended!
March 27, 2015
3.5 stars. Generous-hearted, enjoyable, and thought-provoking memoir. The author, who with her two siblings grew up in a nuclear family in a small Canadian city, learned at age 12 that her dad had come out as gay. She writes about her childhood and her adolescent adjustment to her father's new life in the gay community in Toronto. Interestingly, she also adds on two further sections of the book, one consisting of excerpts from her father's diaries, letters and mementoes of that time, and one about what she learned as an adult of her mother's experiences around their marriage breakdown.
May 24, 2014
I read this book as Ron, my friend, discovered that there was going to be a one woman show by Alison Wearing on this book. I found the book to be good and discovered that although I am reading humour I do not find it exceptionally funny. Went and saw Alison this evening and it was brilliant. So worth the time and kept very much to her story in the book. I highly highly recommend either reading this book and especially seeing the one act play. Simply Brilliant!!!!
July 18, 2014
Great and enlightening. Fabulous read
November 14, 2021
Very good read.
Alison Wearing grew up as many of us now in middle age did, in the second half of the 20th Century replete with all the behaviors and ideas that where a part of those decades. Ms. Wearing was reared in a small town in Ontario, Canada. She had interesting, intelligent parents, one of whom was gay. But because of societal repression it took awhile for this to come to her father's consciousness and expression.
In this short memoir you can experience three people's perspectives: the child who not only experiences the divorce of her parents but finds it imperative to keep her Dad's sexuality and the reason for the divorce a secret, the Dad's perspective through his saved journal pages and articles and such that he kept during that period of his life - (not odd for a college professor to think to do), and lastly you get to hear from the Mom who loved her husband but had to face the truth and begin her life anew.
Wearing's memoir serves as a great historical reference book as she is able to convey the danger that gay men faced in cities all over North America. The reader gets an inside look at what non-sensical dogma about sexual expression has done to cause massive psychological suffering.
I was personally impressed by Ms. Wearing's attitudes to those family members who shut her father out of their lives. She was somehow able to offer them forgiveness for their inability to move forward.
Alison Wearing grew up as many of us now in middle age did, in the second half of the 20th Century replete with all the behaviors and ideas that where a part of those decades. Ms. Wearing was reared in a small town in Ontario, Canada. She had interesting, intelligent parents, one of whom was gay. But because of societal repression it took awhile for this to come to her father's consciousness and expression.
In this short memoir you can experience three people's perspectives: the child who not only experiences the divorce of her parents but finds it imperative to keep her Dad's sexuality and the reason for the divorce a secret, the Dad's perspective through his saved journal pages and articles and such that he kept during that period of his life - (not odd for a college professor to think to do), and lastly you get to hear from the Mom who loved her husband but had to face the truth and begin her life anew.
Wearing's memoir serves as a great historical reference book as she is able to convey the danger that gay men faced in cities all over North America. The reader gets an inside look at what non-sensical dogma about sexual expression has done to cause massive psychological suffering.
I was personally impressed by Ms. Wearing's attitudes to those family members who shut her father out of their lives. She was somehow able to offer them forgiveness for their inability to move forward.
August 4, 2022
This is a poignant story told with honesty and compassion. The subject matter takes some reading and processing time and yet I still feel like I flew through the book's pages, which is a credit to Wearing's writing.
The book is also topical and relevant even today. I lived in Toronto and while a bit younger than Wearing and not directly involved in the issue as she and her family were, I remember those times of gay rights and activism. I am happy that the revolution was successful. However, as Wearing's father notes toward the end of the book, rights that are won remain rights that can still be taken away. The actions of my neighbours to the south (or at least those in their government) as enact their war on women, transgender and diverse-gender people, homosexuals, etc. show this concern to be all too true. As the protest signs say, our children should not have to fight the battles that their grandparents have already won. And yet, sadly (and scarily), here we are...
I will look up other work by this author.
The book is also topical and relevant even today. I lived in Toronto and while a bit younger than Wearing and not directly involved in the issue as she and her family were, I remember those times of gay rights and activism. I am happy that the revolution was successful. However, as Wearing's father notes toward the end of the book, rights that are won remain rights that can still be taken away. The actions of my neighbours to the south (or at least those in their government) as enact their war on women, transgender and diverse-gender people, homosexuals, etc. show this concern to be all too true. As the protest signs say, our children should not have to fight the battles that their grandparents have already won. And yet, sadly (and scarily), here we are...
I will look up other work by this author.
February 1, 2023
So thrilled I finally listened to this wonderful book - 11 years after its initial publication. I had no idea what to expect. For me personally I found Confessions of a Fairy's Daughter to be loving and insightful - a story far from my own life, but within a community I am deeply proud to be a part of. The years Alison's Dad discovered his sexuality were my formative years as well, although we are 20+ years apart. It was fascinating hearing about what was going on in Canada during this time period and how similar the experience to the US in the 1970's and 1980's. This book is a true gift for families, children, parents, siblings, cousins, seriously anyone looking to experience what it was like navigating a LGBTQ parent during the post-Stonewall era. Excellent.
July 8, 2022
This book was a fresh perspective that I hadn't thought much about before. It gives the POV of the daughter of a gay man who spent half his life closeted, as well as the POV of her father himself, and her mother who was married to him for several years. Usually thinking of homophobia in the 20th century, the focus is on how the LGBTQIA+ people themselves were affected, but it was interesting to learn about the impact it had on the other people in their lives. It's also sad to think that this was barely a generation ago.
This book was an informative read, however some of the language felt very dated which was uncomfortable at times. I would definitely recommend picking it up though, especially if you have any interest in what it was like to be a gay father in the 70s and 80s.
This book was an informative read, however some of the language felt very dated which was uncomfortable at times. I would definitely recommend picking it up though, especially if you have any interest in what it was like to be a gay father in the 70s and 80s.
May 18, 2024
Poor telling of a potentially fascinating life story that fails due to the author's method of stringing together dull details and not putting together a complete creative narrative. Wearing's first 72 pages about her normal childhood are snooze-worthy and when she finally gets to discovering her father is gay, the rest is told in such a distant and unemotional-yet-politically-propagandizing way that it ends up being a jumbled mess.
Wearing's poor writing style is evident from the opening "prelude," where she lets readers know that her dad's diary was getting a separate section and her mother basically refused cooperation with the book. That skews how important details are told.
The author also defends up front some offensive thoughts and wording in the book, including the fairy in the title, saying that she is totally against all stereotypes and caricatures. Yet the book is filled with them and she often laughs them off as well-meaning humor.
The book is a mixture of her personal childhood, her father's political teachings, her mother's distance in the face of shocking life changes, and the writer's own growing up to have her devastated feelings turn numb. Throughout the book she changes parts of the story--oddly giving three different distances from her hometown to Toronto or differing details of how certain events occurred when repeating them. It is a dull, frustrating read that could have been a fascinating inspirational story in the right hands.
The closest we get to truth in the book are the initial reactions from the author and her mother to the news that their father/husband was suddenly gay at the age of 40. Shock, hurt, revulsion, anger. But as time goes on both women end up silencing their feelings, twisting the story into something very different in order to cope with their repression. Wearing wants to sell us on the idea that she accepts "love is love," you shouldn't stop it, and that a man attracted to another man should feel free to abandon his marriage commitment and family in the name of love. Would she say that if her father ran off with a woman? Or with an underage male? Just curious where "love is love" actually stops being an acceptable excuse for making choices that damage others or is offensive to society?
Nowhere does she personally say what it really is: self-centeredness that hurts and destroys many others in the name of temporary pleasure and rejecting personal responsibility. The author's mother reveals it near the end of the book when she tells her daughter, "These days, you hear it everywhere: he's gay, she's gay. Every time I turn on the television it seems someone's gay, but in those days people didn't talk about that. I just thought he was selfish."
To which the author responds, "Selfish? What does that have to do with it?" Is she simply in denial, wanting to give the father the benefit of the doubt? Or has she integrated the politically correct liberal position of her late friend Pierre Trudeau by thinking the physical desires of a man with same-sex attraction are more important than his treatment of a longtime wife and three children?
Wearing also wrote, "There were plenty of times when I was angry about the whole thing--deeply sad, actually, though hiding it beneath a mask of cool teenage ire--but to wag my finger at Dad's willie and get all worked up about what he was choosing to do with it never crossed my mind."
Why in the world not? She never thought to be upset that the father who abandoned her was being led by the head of his penis instead of the head on his shoulders? That when he took off his supposed mask it caused her, their family, and some of his siblings and friends to have to start wearing their own masks to deal with his choices? And note that Alison Wearing does say her father was choosing, though nothing is mentioned about the dangers of those choices.
Why does society now give a pass to selfish horny gay, bi or other self-proclaimed genders that destroy families, abandon wives and children, and try to find happiness in all the wrong places? And why are most straight men treated like scum for doing the same thing? I'm just asking because she fails to deal with anything beyond the surface here.
Wearing also uses the book to defend the rights of gay men to pay for sex or have random hookups in bathhouses without consequence, and I wonder if that's the only way she can get over the deep hurt of a father leaving her at age 12. He wasn't going to change again so she had to--which resulted in her eating disorder, bad grades, and escaping to other countries.
We rarely hear her father's voice until, in an odd author's choice, she decides to print in a separate section his various journal entries along with a bunch of outside articles he collected in a box. It detracts from the narrative with a whole lot of nothingness and Wearing should have integrated some of his select writings along with her storyline.
In the end this feels more like a thrown-together political propaganda piece tailored to make her liberal friends and dad's gay buddies happy with her. She wants to please the daddy that left her. Yet Wearing is still that little hurt girl that is struggling with how to deal with life, wandering far away from home to find a way to accept her new reality that fairies don't always make dreams come true.
Read in 2019 and 2024.
Wearing's poor writing style is evident from the opening "prelude," where she lets readers know that her dad's diary was getting a separate section and her mother basically refused cooperation with the book. That skews how important details are told.
The author also defends up front some offensive thoughts and wording in the book, including the fairy in the title, saying that she is totally against all stereotypes and caricatures. Yet the book is filled with them and she often laughs them off as well-meaning humor.
The book is a mixture of her personal childhood, her father's political teachings, her mother's distance in the face of shocking life changes, and the writer's own growing up to have her devastated feelings turn numb. Throughout the book she changes parts of the story--oddly giving three different distances from her hometown to Toronto or differing details of how certain events occurred when repeating them. It is a dull, frustrating read that could have been a fascinating inspirational story in the right hands.
The closest we get to truth in the book are the initial reactions from the author and her mother to the news that their father/husband was suddenly gay at the age of 40. Shock, hurt, revulsion, anger. But as time goes on both women end up silencing their feelings, twisting the story into something very different in order to cope with their repression. Wearing wants to sell us on the idea that she accepts "love is love," you shouldn't stop it, and that a man attracted to another man should feel free to abandon his marriage commitment and family in the name of love. Would she say that if her father ran off with a woman? Or with an underage male? Just curious where "love is love" actually stops being an acceptable excuse for making choices that damage others or is offensive to society?
Nowhere does she personally say what it really is: self-centeredness that hurts and destroys many others in the name of temporary pleasure and rejecting personal responsibility. The author's mother reveals it near the end of the book when she tells her daughter, "These days, you hear it everywhere: he's gay, she's gay. Every time I turn on the television it seems someone's gay, but in those days people didn't talk about that. I just thought he was selfish."
To which the author responds, "Selfish? What does that have to do with it?" Is she simply in denial, wanting to give the father the benefit of the doubt? Or has she integrated the politically correct liberal position of her late friend Pierre Trudeau by thinking the physical desires of a man with same-sex attraction are more important than his treatment of a longtime wife and three children?
Wearing also wrote, "There were plenty of times when I was angry about the whole thing--deeply sad, actually, though hiding it beneath a mask of cool teenage ire--but to wag my finger at Dad's willie and get all worked up about what he was choosing to do with it never crossed my mind."
Why in the world not? She never thought to be upset that the father who abandoned her was being led by the head of his penis instead of the head on his shoulders? That when he took off his supposed mask it caused her, their family, and some of his siblings and friends to have to start wearing their own masks to deal with his choices? And note that Alison Wearing does say her father was choosing, though nothing is mentioned about the dangers of those choices.
Why does society now give a pass to selfish horny gay, bi or other self-proclaimed genders that destroy families, abandon wives and children, and try to find happiness in all the wrong places? And why are most straight men treated like scum for doing the same thing? I'm just asking because she fails to deal with anything beyond the surface here.
Wearing also uses the book to defend the rights of gay men to pay for sex or have random hookups in bathhouses without consequence, and I wonder if that's the only way she can get over the deep hurt of a father leaving her at age 12. He wasn't going to change again so she had to--which resulted in her eating disorder, bad grades, and escaping to other countries.
We rarely hear her father's voice until, in an odd author's choice, she decides to print in a separate section his various journal entries along with a bunch of outside articles he collected in a box. It detracts from the narrative with a whole lot of nothingness and Wearing should have integrated some of his select writings along with her storyline.
In the end this feels more like a thrown-together political propaganda piece tailored to make her liberal friends and dad's gay buddies happy with her. She wants to please the daddy that left her. Yet Wearing is still that little hurt girl that is struggling with how to deal with life, wandering far away from home to find a way to accept her new reality that fairies don't always make dreams come true.
Read in 2019 and 2024.
September 29, 2022
It made me laugh and it made me cry. Extremely talented writer putting perspectives from multiple family members experiencing a challenging situation into one book. As heartwarming as it is heartbreaking!
July 8, 2019
This was a good memoir when it comes to a memoir about a woman’s life and a (much briefer) story of a coming out. It was written beautifully, with lovely and evocative descriptions. As a story about someone with a gay parent though, I wanted more of the actual emotion and fewer platitudes about how love is equal no matter what. At one point the author said something like “I couldn’t tell you how I eventually found myself completely at peace with my father’s life / sexuality” which. The process of how that happens is why I’m reading the book! Come on!
Read
October 6, 2013What a fantastic memoir! Told in 4 parts (“How I Saw It” (author’s view), “How He Saw It” (Dad’s view), “How She Saw it” (Mother’s view) and lastly, “How We See It Now” (self-explanatory).
The first part is the longest, and is full of many memories of a happy childhood, followed by teenage years filled with confusion (she found out her dad was gay the night before she was going to Germany for three months-who could she possibly talk to about this?) and denial (she finally did tell one (and only one) friend), followed the author’s ‘coming out’ as the daughter of a gay man. Well written and engaging, Wearing paints a picture of a loving family, a lovely father and an (eventually) understanding mother.
The father’s section is comprised of excerpts from a diary he kept of the time in his life when he came out (when the burgeoning gay rights movement was building in Toronto-where he eventually moved to), clippings from Toronto newspapers/magazines about the movement, drafts of letters to friends, family and lovers. A very intimate portrait of a confusing time for both the father, and Canada’s gay and straight community (this was a time of sweeping bathhouse raids, protests, and even political upheaval (then mayor of Toronto lost his bid for reelection shortly after attending Pro-Gay events). A fascinating look at a man amid a movement.
The mother’s section is very short and very lovely. Its brevity is explained in the introduction.
The final part is a nicely satisfying end, none of which I will reveal here (no spoilers from me!) except to say that by this time one feels like they know the family, and is very glad to find out how things turned out for everyone.
A great read-engaging stories, with a bit of social and political history-I could not put the book down and read it in a less than two days (and this was during the work-week!). Very enjoyable.
Note-I’ve read another memoir about this topic (the excellent graphic novel from the Alison Bechdel, (Fun Home: A Family Tragicomic), a very talented memoirist and illustrator. Her story was in sharp contrast-a compulsive diarist, Bechdel has few happy memories from her childhood, and her father never really came out as much as sort of just eventually mention his own experiences upon Bechdel’s own coming out.
The first part is the longest, and is full of many memories of a happy childhood, followed by teenage years filled with confusion (she found out her dad was gay the night before she was going to Germany for three months-who could she possibly talk to about this?) and denial (she finally did tell one (and only one) friend), followed the author’s ‘coming out’ as the daughter of a gay man. Well written and engaging, Wearing paints a picture of a loving family, a lovely father and an (eventually) understanding mother.
The father’s section is comprised of excerpts from a diary he kept of the time in his life when he came out (when the burgeoning gay rights movement was building in Toronto-where he eventually moved to), clippings from Toronto newspapers/magazines about the movement, drafts of letters to friends, family and lovers. A very intimate portrait of a confusing time for both the father, and Canada’s gay and straight community (this was a time of sweeping bathhouse raids, protests, and even political upheaval (then mayor of Toronto lost his bid for reelection shortly after attending Pro-Gay events). A fascinating look at a man amid a movement.
The mother’s section is very short and very lovely. Its brevity is explained in the introduction.
The final part is a nicely satisfying end, none of which I will reveal here (no spoilers from me!) except to say that by this time one feels like they know the family, and is very glad to find out how things turned out for everyone.
A great read-engaging stories, with a bit of social and political history-I could not put the book down and read it in a less than two days (and this was during the work-week!). Very enjoyable.
Note-I’ve read another memoir about this topic (the excellent graphic novel from the Alison Bechdel, (Fun Home: A Family Tragicomic), a very talented memoirist and illustrator. Her story was in sharp contrast-a compulsive diarist, Bechdel has few happy memories from her childhood, and her father never really came out as much as sort of just eventually mention his own experiences upon Bechdel’s own coming out.
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