C. S. Lakin’s INNOCENT LITTLE CRIMES reminds me a lot of the 1973 Stockard Channing TV movie, “The Girl Most Likely To . . .” In both, an innocent, trusting, kind-hearted fat girl is brutally tormented by her so-called college friends. In both, the poor traumatized girl runs away and is hit by a car. In the Stockard Channing movie, she has plastic surgery, becomes beautiful, and exacts her revenge. In INNOCENT LITTLE CRIMES, she becomes a super-successful and super-rich comedian . . . and exacts her revenge. What worked in “The Girl Most Likely To . . .” doesn’t quite work in INNOCENT LITTLE CRIMES, mainly because the reader doesn’t learn about the cruel college prank until the novel’s third act. Without a reason to sympathize with the novel’s protagonist, readers are left wondering whether any of the despicable characters in this novel are worth caring about.
Lila Carmichael is not attractive – she’s fat and homely and she’s suffered greatly at the hands of her tyrannical minister father and passive mother. When she became involved in a thespian group at Evergreen College in Washington, she believed she had finally found some real friends. But she eventually learned that her so-called “friends” were only setting her up for a cruel prank. The revenge she plans for them plays out fifteen years later, after she has become rich and famous, when she invites them to her sixteen-million dollar retreat off the coast of Washington. There, she leads them through a “Who’s Afraid of Virginia Woolf” style party game where her guests are forced to rip each other to shreds for her amusement. As Lila explains it, “All those innocent little crimes just keep adding up, don’t they? Meaning, we’re really all a bunch of mean, selfish murderers. So, who’ll cast the first stone?” Later, she has them running around in the dark during a ferocious storm while she tells her sad life story to her assistant.
The problem is, because we don’t hear her sad story until so late in the novel, there’s no sense of justification for Lila’s actions against her former friends. These are not likeable people –drugged-out wannabe actress Della Romans, mediocre film director Jonathan Levin, corrupt city councilman Dick Ferrol, his whiny and weak wife, Millie, and gorgeous but shallow real estate developer Davis Gregory. It’s Davis who hurt Lila the most back in college, and it’s Davis she most wants to humiliate now. Had we seen what these people did to Lila back in college, perhaps what happens during that weekend fifteen years later would have seemed justified. As it is, it all seems tedious. I hated all of these people – including Lila. As one of the minor characters says, “That’s it! I’ve had enough. This is hateful. You’re all hateful.” That pretty much says it. By the time I learned the story of Lila’s life, it was just too little too late. I understood what had motivated her, but it was all ultimately pitiful and very, very sad.
That may have been Lakin’s point. As in most revenge stories, Lila’s vengeance backfires in the end. As clergyman Douglas Horton once said, “While seeking revenge, dig two graves - one for yourself.” While most of INNOCENT LITTLE CRIMES prompts the reader to delight (in a black-comedy sort of way) in the suffering of vile and loathsome people, there is a suggestion in the end that none of it is funny at all. Interestingly, Lila blames her college “friends” for the bitterness that has defined her, yet it is that same bitterness that led to her hugely successful career as a darkly funny comedian. This sort of irony elevates INNOCENT LITTLE CRIMES above what seems at first to be just an elaborate pecking party. In the end, Lakin pulls off what she wasn’t able to do throughout the novel – she gets us to look at ourselves, to consider our own “innocent little crimes,” and to wonder whether what Oscar Wilde said is really true – do we really end up “kill[ing] the thing [we] love”?
INNOCENT LITTLE CRIMES is well written and professionally edited. I liked the ending much more than I did the first two-thirds of the novel, and I do appreciate what Lakin set out to do here. That she wasn’t totally successful should not prevent readers from giving this a look. While it’s not everything that it could have been, it is the kind of book that will leave you thinking. And that’s a very good thing.
[Please note: I was contacted by the author and asked to read this book; I borrowed the Kindle version through the Kindle Lending Library; the opinions expressed here are my own.]