Star-Spangled Manners: In Which Miss Manners Defends American Etiquette

by Judith Martin

"Wonderfully wicked....A bracingly sensible guide to living peaceably together."―Francine Prose, Elle In this "wryly perceptive, historically informed" ( BookPage ) new book, America's leading expert on civility reminds her Gentle Readers that when the Founding Fathers created a revolution in the name of individual liberty and equality, they also took a stand against hierarchical European etiquette in favor of simplicity over ceremony, and personal dignity over obsequiousness to our rulers.

Hailed by George Will as "The National Bureau of Standards," Judith Martin, who has "made etiquette writing an exercise in wit" ( Book ), recounts here how Americans fashioned this etiquette of egalitarian respect―a fascinating story that spans from the misunderstood origins of our table manners to the much overlooked legacy of African slaves to etiquette. 10 illustrations

Genres: Nonfiction, History, Humor, Social Science, Reference

320 pages, Paperback

First published November 6, 2002

About the author

Judith Martin (née Perlman), better known by the pen name Miss Manners, is an American journalist, author, and etiquette authority.

Since 1978 she has written an advice column, which is distributed three times a week by United Features Syndicate and carried in more than 200 newspapers worldwide. In the column, she answers etiquette questions contributed by her readers and writes short essays on problems of manners, or clarifies the essential qualities of politeness.

Reviews

[Tess · Rating 3 out of 5]

A really interesting concept from Miss Manners: tearing down all assumptions of what we mean when we say "American etiquette," and reconstructing it truthfully, from the beginning. Still, it was a hard book for me to follow, and I think Miss Manners has the same disease I have which involves being a little too wordy. I like it better when she's just answering etiquette questions -- I think she works well within restraints, and I can relate to that.

A quote I liked:

"All this solemn attention to etiquette among the colonials retrospectively inspired the peculiar notion that they must actually have behaved themselves. On the contrary, any society's body of laws or rules provides a thorough description, written int he negative imperative, of the choice methods by which its people drive one another crazy. Produce a list of laws and rules from any unknown society, and you will have a good description of how they passed the time."

[Laura Steinert · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is one of those books that need to be read one chapter at a time with plenty of time to reflect in between. Martin's look at history from the perspective of manners and civility is far different than the history we learn in school or college. This book should be on your essential to read in 2023 as the US is once again facing a presidential election where being polite is considered foolish, mass murders in schools and malls have become a regular occurrence, and adults are trowing temper tantrums.

[Jen · Rating 1 out of 5]

I thought this was going to be social history, which would have been interesting. I'm not sure what it actually was, but it wasn't that. Sweeping generalizations about the vaguely-defined past? A review of stereotypes about Americans? I read the whole book and still don't know what the thesis is.

[Dave · Rating 5 out of 5]

It's a terrific book. She covers the subject exceedingly well and entertainingly, and I undertand where our etiquette laws come from now, not that I intend to teach this. Excellent, excellent, excellent,

[L.K.Mirza · Rating 5 out of 5]

Enlightening

A well thought out description of how we got to where we are as a culture. A few dry spots, but necessary for the whole.

[Simon · Rating 3 out of 5]

I think Judith Martin is brilliant, and I have a raft of her books. This one was a bit of a let-down, although, as always, it is filled with quotable moments and real insight. Star-Spangled Manners lacks organization, and that makes it a bit tedious to read --- and tedious is not a word that normally comes up in the same sentence as the words "Judith Martin". However, the entire thing is worth the price of admission once you hit the chapter on marriage and funeral customs. Apparently there is now such a thing as a "pre-funeral", where the guest of honor is able to attend without the necessity of death. This enables him to hear what people are saying about him. Which sounds perfectly ghastly, as Miss Manners delicately points out.

[Adam Marquez · Rating 5 out of 5]

I believe this book is an essential read. What I appreciate about this book is that it is not a dry etymological-like rendering of customs. It is a pleasant and enjoyable display of the philosophic purpose of custom and etiquette. It is a presentation of the whys behind our culture. It is a worthy justification of our culture. It is a reminder that etiquette trumps the arbitrariness of political correctness. This book reminds us that America has a heritage, that its heritage is not all bad, and that our heritage is structured such that we can always improve.

[Marianne · Rating 4 out of 5]

An interesting read which dissects American etiquette and compares it to European etiquette. I hadn't thought much about the history of American etiquette but, if you enjoy learning more about what makes American unique, this is a great place to start!

[Tuckova · Rating 4 out of 5]

Very thorough and detailed look at the history of etiquette in the US. Not so much a guide to what to do, but an interesting look at why we do it. It's hard to imagine this appealing to non-history or non-etiquette buffs, but if you are either this book is a fun tour.

[Abraham Ray · Rating 2 out of 5]

ok book about American manners.

[Felicia]

She'd be so appalled at what is happening now