“The past is never dead. It’s not even past”
William Faulkner
Jakob Beer understands love. He also understands loss. He understands love as only a man who has lost and found it once again can. He finds it in the faces of those who come after the tragedy and in the memories of those who have never come out of it. We all have our way to communicate with those long gone. Only, while we change, they stay the same. We wish to keep those memories alive for as long as we can. But time is merciless. When we have lost someone we truly love, we cannot escape from the memories of them. Jakob cannot escape from the image of his mother, his father, and mostly of his sister Bella. She goes on living in his mind, breaking his heart over and over again and uplifting it with the same power. She lives. Bella lives. And while Jakob grows up, gets older, falls in love, falls out of love, falls in love again, learns, experiences, hurts and rejoices, Bella stays the same, forever imprisoned in the depths of his tortured consciousness. She is the child that never grows, never falls in love, never gets old, never dies. She is an eternal presence by his side. And as he grows and changes, but she never does, he gets to feel her loss, and his own loneliness, ever more keenly. We change, but the ghosts in our minds stay the same. They always take a piece of us with them, a part of us that, like them, stays frozen in time. Do our ghosts protect us or condemn us? Who are we after the loss? Do we remember to be solaced or to be hurt? Sometimes I think that memory is like a garden. We crush the grass under our feet, but new one will always grow. We pluck a flower, but the seed stays in the ground. We cut off a tree, but its roots go on living. We can give up on memories, but they never give up on us. Even when the mind forgets, the soul remembers. Subconsciousness, like time, is inexorable. Jakob remembers with both his mind and his heart, which ultimately saves him. We all think of the dead, but how much do we think of the parts of ourselves that die with them? I shall quote my friend Jeffrey who told me that when someone dies, we grieve not only for the person who died but also for the person we were while they lived. I wonder, whether as we change, we also change a little bit the reality of who these people were in order to fit them better with our new selves. As Jakob falls in love, he thinks of his sister, he imagines that despite her not living to adulthood, there was a part of her that felt and knew what it is to be an adult, to be loved, to be held by a man’s arms. And in the end he thinks of her as one not calling him to herself, to the other side, but trying to keep him alive, telling him to go on living in the real world. She is his saviour. She saves him as a boy. And she sustains him as an adult. As he changes, she stays the same, but at the same time changes with him. He sees her as a child, as a grown woman in love, as a wise mature woman. He reaches out to her in time of sorrow, in time of joy, in time of doubt. She haunts him, she saves him. She is his nightmare, his beacon, his darkness, his light. His past, present, and future. The child that never grows, possessed by the wisdom of decades. Who are we after the loss? When a loved one dies or leaves us, a piece of us leaves with them, when a violence is committed against us, a piece of us leaves, when we commit a crime a piece of us dies. When we forgive, we give a piece of us to the forgiven. When we love, we give another to our loved one. When a dream dies, when a sorrow dies, a piece of us is gone. We consist of fragments, fugitive pieces, ever changing selves. We change and our memories change. Sometimes it seems like the only constant thing in the universe is change itself. Change cannot be stopped, cannot be escaped, our pain, our happiness take so many different forms. As long as we live and breathe, we change and the world changes. Time, like a restless fugitive, never slows down its course. It seems like the past is the only thing constant and we hold on to it, to the memories as a way of having a single speck of stability into our tumultuous lives. It is our sustenance in our eternal, merciless race with time. But the past too changes. Events past don’t change, but our view of them changes and so the past is changed. Sometimes for the better, sometimes for the worse. Bella dies in 1940, when Jakob is only seven. But he carries within himself the essence of who she was for the rest of his life. In the end he finds the happiness he has been longing for for so long. And Bella is no more a corpse, a victim, a ghost. She is his strength, his inspiration. His release.
I’m afraid that this review does not do the book justice. It is so much more than what I’m making it look like. It is hard for me to convey what this book is about. The writing is like nothing I have ever seen. And I shall carry the wisdom it offers with me like a ghost and find in it the strength and release I need so much. It is an outstanding piece of literature. It is both lyrically and philosophically very strong. It covers so much more than what can be grasped by my review. I wanted to include quotes, passages of it, but I found myself confused. Somehow I couldn’t decide where to place what. Just read it and you’ll see what I’m talking about.