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If He Had Been with Me

4.12  ·  Rating details ·  7,167 ratings  ·  1,311 reviews
If he had been with me everything would have been different...

I wasn't with Finn on that August night. But I should've been. It was raining, of course. And he and Sylvie were arguing as he drove down the slick road. No one ever says what they were arguing about. Other people think it's not important. They do not know there is another story. The story that lurks between the
Paperback, 330 pages
Published April 1st 2013 by Sourcebooks Fire
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Ale Carrera *spoiler* The main character were in love with Finn but to afraid to say something (and vise versa). They were with other people because they were att…more*spoiler* The main character were in love with Finn but to afraid to say something (and vise versa). They were with other people because they were attracted to them and even came to love them, but Autumn and Finn's hearts were still set to each other.(less)

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Average rating 4.12  · 
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 ·  7,167 ratings  ·  1,311 reviews

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Laura Nowlin
Aug 29, 2012 rated it it was amazing  ·  (Review from the author)
Yes. I'm rating my own book five stars. All mothers think their babies are perfect.
If He Had Been With Me was a poignant story which I devoured in one sitting. It’s a story which deals with issues of friendship, first loves and family in the most raw and intense way I have come across in a long time. It was a story which I knew how would end, but I was utterly mesmerised into reading because of the beautiful heart rendering prose.

The story opens with the most heart breaking chapter, it gives you an insight into how things end. Despite knowing this I continually tried to bury t
Zemira (Kylo Ren fangirl) Warner
Wow. I did not expected it to be this good. Damn you Laura Nowlin! I will stalk you till you give me a new book!

If He Had Been With Me was on my 'can't wait' list for months and I couldn't resist and read it the moment I got my hands on it. I started reading in the morning and didn't put it down until I was done crying because I had a feeling someone stabbed me in the heart even though the book started with the most unpleasant thing than can happen. I chose to ignore it. There was just no way t
Apr 08, 2013 rated it it was amazing

Hannah ◇Reader in the Rough◇
"Perhaps he would ask me what books mean to me. I would tell him that it means living another life."

This book was so uncomfortable to read. The metamorphosis of Autumn runs parallel to my own teen years.

This book didn't feel like another life, it felt like an alternate universe of my own. Not because I had a boyfriend I didn't appreciate, or a boy that I loved and didn't deserve. Because I asked the same questions, showered until I was numb, craved books because I couldn't stand my own actio
It has been a long time since I have fallen so hard for a contemporary YA novel. I have barely heard of any buzz surrounding Laura Nowlin's debut. I ordered it on a whim, not really sure what to expect. I liked the cover, the premise sounded like my kind of thing and I always like the chase of finding a YA book free of preconceived hopes and praise.

I was unprepared for just how good this book is, easily my favourite YA book of the year so far and it now sits on my favourites shelf.

Nowlin is a
Sofii♡ (A Book. A Thought.)
Omg my heart!


This has been a roller coaster of emotions for me, I mean, literally.

At one point it was fine and then angry, then frustrated, then sad and happy and nfjdsnfkjd, I could not with my temperament on several occasions, especially with the decision of Autumn and their behavior I did not understand why she was taking it.

But besides that and I have cast me angry sometimes lol, I really liked this book, the story is good quality and keeps you trapped all the time, I'm not a contemporary
Jennifer Kyle
Oct 31, 2012 rated it liked it
This book could have been epic...


The beautiful cover and the description of this book lured me in and I couldn’t wait to read this story. I knew from the description, that a tragedy would occur. I was more than prepared to take the journey and meet Autumn and Finny. The part that I wasn’t prepared for was the abrupt anticlimactic ending.

The story brings a reader through four years of high school with the back ground of Finn and Autumn’s neighbor/best friend/family relationship that has now be
*P*u*r*p*l*e* Masochist
Dear Book,

you broke my heart. I hate you and adore you at the same time and I definitely won't forget you for a long time...
Review to come...
Paige  Bookdragon
Jun 19, 2015 rated it really liked it
Recommends it for: those I would like to break their hearts
Recommended to Paige by: spencer


The saddest word in the English dictionary.


No, wait. I'm not okay.


If there's one thing that I can proudly say about If He Had Been with Me, it's that it can make you sad. I wouldn't normally like this book because "bestfriends, highschool, drama and first love" are the key words that let me know that I will soon be frustrated with what I am reading.

But that was not the case with this book.

I love this. I devoured it in one sitting and though it didn't shatter my already cynical heart
❋ Sylvia ❋
Oct 25, 2012 rated it it was amazing
Shelves: april-2013
I don't know where to start....

I knew this book would bring me to tears and that it has, but only the last couple of chapters.
I enjoyed this book, getting to know the characters inside and out,but with a book like this you know the end isn't going to end well, mainly cause the first chapter tells you so...

I was..... am heartbroken as I write this, still swiping tears away.

If you are a fan of the "love me with lies" series then you will love this book, it has the same edge to it and flow, it wi
BookOwl BookOwl

If you're wondering, I didn't cry. But it's not because I'm a callous, unemotional bitch. I'm just so over that now and crying doesn't even come close to what I want to do.

I want to hit someone, burn/throw something, scream, go lock myself in a very dark room and just confine myself to that space for a very very long time.

Don't you get it, this book has totally KILLED me. My chest
Actual Rating: 2.5/5 stars

I was actually enjoying this book despite it's not very unique storyline. I cared about the characters. The romance was SO good that this book could've been a new favorite of mine but..

The ending just ruined everything, really. For me, anyway. I wished I didn't read that part.

The plot:

Autumn and Finny are best friends since birth, literally. "The Mothers", as they call them, are also best friends so they were with each other before they're even born. As they grew up, th
Apr 07, 2013 rated it it was ok
It's almost 3AM and I am reeling from my reading experience. How to even begin?

Last I left the book I was more than halfway through. I thought I could definitely finish this "tomorrow", but I meant like tomorrow afternoon. Well it literally is "tomorrow" since it's the 13th of April. 3AM.

So since it's apparently hard to put down (it's really easy to read), why do I only want to rate this 2 stars? Well, 2.5 stars. 2 stars means it was okay. I had such good hopes for this. I actually felt like I
Apr 04, 2013 rated it it was amazing
Recommends it for: everyone with good taste
Recommended to Scarlet by: Zemira (Kylo Ren fangirl) Warner
Reading this book was like listening most hauntingly beautiful and sad song. You know it will make you sad and leave you heartbroken, but you can´t stop even if it hurts.
We, masochistic readers, we know it, we understand it... and still, we do it. All we can do is suffer the pain, and tell ourselves it was well worth it. Sad things can be beautiful. That´s exactly what Autumn said and noone understood her.
Well, Autumn and Ms Nowlin, we understand you and we appreciate the pain.
It was well wor
Joy (joyous reads)
Dec 13, 2012 rated it it was amazing
Recommended to Joy (joyous reads) by: Jasprit
Whenever I pick up a novel, I dive head first hopeful that the characters will have their happily ever afters. I picture their romance in my head like an endless reel of a silent movie: their first meeting will be perfectly awkward and the relationship to happen in a slow but realistic build-up that would have me anticipating and salivating for their fruition. But when the two characters wasn't really working so good for me, I'd also find myself wishing that they don't get together at all. This ...more
Sarah {Literary Meanderings}

♥ Find my reviews here: Literary Meanderings

- - -

If He Had Been With Me opens up to Autumn, our protagonist, thinking back to the fateful August night when her best friend Finny was involved in a tragic accident.
“They were arguing. No one ever says what they were arguing about. It is, in other people's opinions, not important to the story. What they do not know is that there is another story. The story lurking underneath and in between the facts of the one they can see. What they do not
Apr 09, 2013 rated it it was amazing
Shelves: moved-my-soul
It’s a pattern.

Every time around this time of the year, I find myself drifting away from my reading and reviewing obsession. It’s not because I want to. It’s because circumstances around me eventually make me. It’s the start of summer here. And there are SO MANY things to do! There are those annual fests and functions to be part of. Lots of camping to do. Lots of catching up to do with my family and there is lots of travelling. Amidst it all, my reading just falls behind and then I don’t even f
Pre-read: I'm so happy I was approved for the galley of this, looking forward to reading it. Also, look at the cover! o_O It's beautiful.

Post-read: Solid read, if a bit fragmented in places. I liked Autumn's journey, even if I had an idea of how most things would happen.

Full review:

"If He Had Been With Me" is a journey that's immersed around a tragedy, and that's something you get from point one in this book by Laura Nowlin. It surprised me how it drew me into the narrative even when I knew how
Jul 22, 2018 rated it liked it
Thanks so much to Paige Bookdragon for the recommendation.

I'm 35yrs old, so I don't think I always mesh well with YA because I'm simply just older. When I was in my early teens I remember reading "Say Goodnight, Gracie" and "Don't Die, My Love", I cried and threw myself into the sadness of it all. Now some of the issues I can't help but be "ugh, get over it", "hahahahha, together in complete love and happiness from freshman year to forever" (I know it happens don't @ me), and just the general o
Wendy Darling
Man, there are a lot of reasons why I wouldn't normally like this book--I mean, the whole thing is set up for drama, being that it's bookended by a major death. The writing style is also somewhat distant, which also doesn't normally work for me, but for some reason I didn't mind it here.

Reminded me a lot of Winter Longing. What can I say, it's angst done very well.
Kristi Cook
Dec 02, 2015 rated it it was amazing
I'm so sorry I missed this debut when it first came out, but glad I stumbled upon it now. Easily the best YA book I've read all year--perhaps my new favorite! Loved everything about this one--the plot, the tropes, the characters, the beautiful, intelligent writing. Absolutely fabulous! Read it on Kindle, but just ordered a print copy because this is a "keeper" for sure!
Mar 30, 2013 rated it it was amazing
I had such a visceral and emotionally charged reaction to this book. I wish my vocabulary was enough to sufficient describe how amazing this book was, I wish I had the power of persuasion that could convince the most reluctant readers to give If He Had Been With Me a chance...and I guess this review will have to suffice.

"Sometimes sad things are beautiful"

This sentence not only perfectly describes this novel, but also my experience reading it. By the end, I was in tears, a huge emotionally wrec
Sep 24, 2012 rated it it was amazing

Finny, the all star soccer player, and Autumn, the artistic sensitive soul, have always been connected. To outsiders, this couple seem as mismatched as a Capulet and a Montague. As many in their world judge them by appearances, Nowlin subtly introduces her audience to two souls growing together with intertwined lives that defy traditional stereotypes. Raised by "The Mothers" with absentee fathers in neighboring houses, Finny and Autumn resist natural boundaries that normally separate friends fro
Mar 15, 2013 added it
Shelves: arc, ebook
Oh man this writing *bangs head on desk*

I can't do it.
2 ∞ & ➳
why did he die why did he die why did he die why did he die why did he die why did he die.

I chanted that to myself, crying myself to sleep after reading this book.
I remember it clearly; I finished the book at exactly 11:40 PM EST, and I spent a minute just feeling an emotionless thought. And then the tears came.

And I texted my friend, telling her THAT I AM SO DONE WITH LIfe.
Actually, I am.

See, when I think of books, I think of alternate universes. I think of supernatural - things that can’t be
Mar 20, 2015 rated it it was amazing
I AM HEARTBROKEN & SOBBING!! I need a week to recover!!! ...more
Mar 21, 2013 rated it it was amazing

Ouff! I'm still recovering from this story! Sometime, you'll get the chance (just like me) to read a book that will mark you for the rest of the day, year, life. If He Had Been With Me, is one of those books I will never forget for many good and unexpected reasons, but still, this story hold a special place on my shelve: the Keeper shelve.

There's a lot a good and great books out there, but this one is stand out. The cover is beautiful and intriguing, but the blurb is the thing that had catch
I love coming across little gems like this. If He Had Been With Me was a story that just moved me. It was another late night for me as I stayed up until 4 am finishing it - it was too good to put down and continue the next day. That's what I look for in a book; something that captivates me and makes me feel. This delivered that and so much more.

At first, I didn't have high hopes for the book, and I was reluctant to read it. But I came across a fantastic review that changed my mind. And I have no
Nikki Thompson
Dec 08, 2013 rated it it was amazing
I'm not sure what to say. I can't really talk with the knife stuck in my chest...
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Laura Nowlin holds a B.A. in English with an emphasis in Creative Writing from Missouri State University. . In addition to being ambitious writer Laura is also an avid reader who believes that books allow her to live many lives in one lifetime. When she isn’t at home agonizing over her own novels Laura works at the public library where the patrons give her plenty of inspiration for her writing. Sh ...more

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“This book is a treasure; I did not suspect it would be so good when I picked it up, but now I can feel the printed words seeping through my skin and into my veins, rushing to my heart and marking it forever.

I want to savor this wonder, this happening of loving a book and reading it for the first time, because the first time is always the best, and I will never read this book for the first time ever again.”
“I've loved him my whole life, and somewhere along the way, that love didn't change but grew. It grew to fill the parts of me that I did not have when I was a child. It grew with every new longing of my body and desire until there was not a piece of me that did not love him. And when I look at him, there is no other feeling in me.” 95 likes
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