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Otherwise Engaged
Otherwise Engaged is Suzanne Finnamore's wickedly funny account of an intelligent, rational woman's transformation into the harpy of anxieties that is the bride-to-be.
When Michael pops the question, Eve is deliriously happy. She tells grocery clerks. She subscribes to bridal magazines. She delights in the rainbows that shower from the one-carat (okay, .81-carat) ring on her hand. For two days. As the cumulative stresses of ordering invitations, finding a dress, and organizing the Perfect Honeymoon fry Eve's nerves, the very real prospect of being with one man for the rest of her days reverberates through her consciousness like a Chinese gong. Suddenly the sight of Michael's discarded socks on the floor and his passing mentions of his former live-in French girlfriend incite doubt, argument, and public fainting.
Uproarious, insightful, tender, Otherwise Engaged dashes our soap-bubble fantasies in favor of a hilariously realistic walk to the altar.
When Michael pops the question, Eve is deliriously happy. She tells grocery clerks. She subscribes to bridal magazines. She delights in the rainbows that shower from the one-carat (okay, .81-carat) ring on her hand. For two days. As the cumulative stresses of ordering invitations, finding a dress, and organizing the Perfect Honeymoon fry Eve's nerves, the very real prospect of being with one man for the rest of her days reverberates through her consciousness like a Chinese gong. Suddenly the sight of Michael's discarded socks on the floor and his passing mentions of his former live-in French girlfriend incite doubt, argument, and public fainting.
Uproarious, insightful, tender, Otherwise Engaged dashes our soap-bubble fantasies in favor of a hilariously realistic walk to the altar.
213 pages, Paperback
First published January 1, 1999
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428 people want to read
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 139 reviews
September 13, 2025
This was a local book club pick. At 36, Eve thought marriage might be out if her reach, but she gives long time boyfriend, Michael, an ultimatum. Michael has quite a bit of baggage of his own; truth be told. Following the low-key proposal is Eve’s life in full-on wedding mode (dare I say it, Bridezilla…). Reading this, I went through a range of emotions … happy, sad, frustrated, bewildered, and sometimes downright ticked off … both at Eve and Michael …
I’ll just say they got what they deserved. 😉
I’ll just say they got what they deserved. 😉
July 29, 2007
I purchased this book two years ago when I was engaged. I am embarrassed to say that I bought it because of the title. Ya know, when you're engaged and planning a wedding, you become OBSESSED with anything wedding. LOL
This book was an easy read, but it wasn't very interesting and I had a hard time staying focused. It was supposed to be funny, but I didn't find it very funny. I only made myself finish reading it because I kept pushing myself along, hoping the book would get better. I wanted to just quit reading but force myself to finish since I was so closer to teh end than the beginning.
I wouldn't recommend this book. Boring.
This book was an easy read, but it wasn't very interesting and I had a hard time staying focused. It was supposed to be funny, but I didn't find it very funny. I only made myself finish reading it because I kept pushing myself along, hoping the book would get better. I wanted to just quit reading but force myself to finish since I was so closer to teh end than the beginning.
I wouldn't recommend this book. Boring.
January 25, 2009
One of my favorite books of all time. Snarky, but a realistic portrayal of what many women feel when they get engaged. I love that it's humorous and yet touching at the same time. If I could give it 10 stars, I would.
August 7, 2025
I seldom reread books, but this one makes me laugh out loud while touching on real things that no one wants to talk about. I love this one.
January 20, 2018
At 3.5 stars, "Otherwise Engaged" was very clever, cutting, and thought-provoking, but at no point did it ever hook me. Perhaps because it was told through short, keen observations and anecdotes, the story didn't contain so much plot as a collection of the narrator, Eve's, anxieties about marriage, which she sets about achieving with as much cunning and ruthlessness as a the Pequod chasing Moby Dick. She is determined, she is confused, yet she relentlessly pursues her goal even when it sickens her. She is thrilled for all of 2 seconds of the engagement before she sinks into a downward spiral of anxiety, depression, and listlessness.
It is modern life told in unerring prose, yet not the kind of story which reaches the sustained emotional depths that would have claimed 5 stars. Yet Finnamore is a skilled writer and some of the lines - as tragic or absurd as they were - made me snort and snicker. I'd definitely read her next book.
It is modern life told in unerring prose, yet not the kind of story which reaches the sustained emotional depths that would have claimed 5 stars. Yet Finnamore is a skilled writer and some of the lines - as tragic or absurd as they were - made me snort and snicker. I'd definitely read her next book.
May 25, 2021
When Eve, a successful 36 year old ad-woman convinces her boyfriend to propose to her, the euphoria lasts all of 2 days before nerves, fighting and the aggravation of planning a wedding make it seem like a really bad idea.
Entertainingly sarcastic and a fun read.
Entertainingly sarcastic and a fun read.
November 29, 2010
Otherwise Engaged is a book about a woman who, like many of her species, is anxious to land a husband. In the first several pages, she employs her will and her not inconsiderable knowledge of Psychological Manipulation of the Human Male to get her boyfriend to propose. She is elated for about two days, at which point she begins to suffer buyer's remorse....
The protagonist/narrator of this book is not easy to like, probably predominantly because she is so believable in her insecurity and shallowness. Nothing seems good enough, nothing is easy enough, nothing is the fairy tale she'd anticipated. She loves the idea of being engaged, but not actually BEING engaged. She wanted to be married, but the prospect of actual marriage terrifies her. What if her wedding isn't perfect? What if her man isn't perfect? What if her perfect life isn't perfect?
Upon reaching the end of the book, though, you actually kind of feel for her. After all, the doubts she experiences are only exaggerated versions of those any bride-to-be might feel. The fights, the doubts, the heartbreaks - they're all quite, depressingly believable.
And it's, as advertised, pretty funny.
Still, you just sort of want to smack her and her globetrotting, got-made-partner, expensive shoe-buying ways.
The most telling thing about this book, I think, is that while it is rather obvious that the protagonist DOES in fact love her guy, she never once says the words - to him, or to us as she tells the story.
The protagonist/narrator of this book is not easy to like, probably predominantly because she is so believable in her insecurity and shallowness. Nothing seems good enough, nothing is easy enough, nothing is the fairy tale she'd anticipated. She loves the idea of being engaged, but not actually BEING engaged. She wanted to be married, but the prospect of actual marriage terrifies her. What if her wedding isn't perfect? What if her man isn't perfect? What if her perfect life isn't perfect?
Upon reaching the end of the book, though, you actually kind of feel for her. After all, the doubts she experiences are only exaggerated versions of those any bride-to-be might feel. The fights, the doubts, the heartbreaks - they're all quite, depressingly believable.
And it's, as advertised, pretty funny.
Still, you just sort of want to smack her and her globetrotting, got-made-partner, expensive shoe-buying ways.
The most telling thing about this book, I think, is that while it is rather obvious that the protagonist DOES in fact love her guy, she never once says the words - to him, or to us as she tells the story.
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
July 19, 2019
This is a low-key but surprisingly witty account of the months leading up to the main character's wedding. Riding the roller coaster of one woman's doubts, fears, and hopes as her wedding approaches was enjoyable. The writing style is intelligent and sometimes understated, which only adds irony and humor to some of the hysterical moments in which the main character finds herself.
Quotes like, "They say swans mate for life. I wish they could talk. I have questions.", or "Suddenly, it's not just a sock on the floor, it's a sock on the floor for the rest of my life!" are priceless, delivered in the narrator's quirky but likeable voice.
I had thought that the subject of this book would be a bit tiresome, but in reality, I found that there was much more to this story than planning a wedding; It's a story about taking great leaps in life. I laughed, I cried, I wished my boyfriend could understand.
Quotes like, "They say swans mate for life. I wish they could talk. I have questions.", or "Suddenly, it's not just a sock on the floor, it's a sock on the floor for the rest of my life!" are priceless, delivered in the narrator's quirky but likeable voice.
I had thought that the subject of this book would be a bit tiresome, but in reality, I found that there was much more to this story than planning a wedding; It's a story about taking great leaps in life. I laughed, I cried, I wished my boyfriend could understand.
March 25, 2019
A coworker left this book on the counter on a day when I'd forgotten to bring my own book to read. The description sounded like a comical interpretation of an anxiety-ridden bride-to-be, so I was imagining all sorts of wedding-preparation shenanigans.
Instead I got the story of a manipulative woman (who essentially bullied her fiance into proposing, and then "settled" for a $7k ring she wanted by asking for a $20k ring first!) and all of the psychological issues that brought her to this place. It had less to do with realizing whether she wanted to be with Michael for the rest of her life than her dealing with the notion of otherwise being alone.
I think had I known exactly what it was going in I would've enjoyed it more. It was nice to see a book written in the late 1990s just for nostalgia, and I liked the writing style. But the plot let me numb, and there honestly wasn't a character I liked at all.
Instead I got the story of a manipulative woman (who essentially bullied her fiance into proposing, and then "settled" for a $7k ring she wanted by asking for a $20k ring first!) and all of the psychological issues that brought her to this place. It had less to do with realizing whether she wanted to be with Michael for the rest of her life than her dealing with the notion of otherwise being alone.
I think had I known exactly what it was going in I would've enjoyed it more. It was nice to see a book written in the late 1990s just for nostalgia, and I liked the writing style. But the plot let me numb, and there honestly wasn't a character I liked at all.
July 31, 2011
This book started off slow for me and I almost put it down because it seemed amateur, and it indeed is this author's first book. It did get more interesting as I went along but the author wasn't very descriptive and the story didn't draw me in emotionally. I spent most of the book just trying to "figure out" the main character, but I never felt an emotional connection to either her or her fiance. The sentences in the book were short. The chapters were short. I was craving more details of their apartment, the weather, what her friends looked like, the smells and sights...anything to draw me in. It was a quick read, which isn't necessarily a bad thing, but at the end of the book I found myself thinking "that's it?" I wouldn't recommend this book to anyone that is an avid reader because the story and characters fall short.
June 16, 2011
Dust-jacket reviews describe the protagonist's life as "miserable"--if so, it's largely self-induced. She's vapid and self-absorbed, but still likeable, someone to whom I could relate. It does read as autobiographical. (Admittedly, this is how I tend to interpret fiction.)
Also, it's funny. Actually, I found it hilarious in parts. I do remember laughing a good deal. From the reviews posted, it looks as if I'm in the minority on that score.
And, if you do care, there is a Part 2: the author's divorce memoir. No improbable Jungian psychotherapist, no unlikely gay best friend co-worker. Her fiancee may or may not have a name that begins with "N." Beyond that, it's basically the same story.
Also, it's funny. Actually, I found it hilarious in parts. I do remember laughing a good deal. From the reviews posted, it looks as if I'm in the minority on that score.
And, if you do care, there is a Part 2: the author's divorce memoir. No improbable Jungian psychotherapist, no unlikely gay best friend co-worker. Her fiancee may or may not have a name that begins with "N." Beyond that, it's basically the same story.
October 7, 2008
In my opinion, Suzanne Finnamore is the most underrated and overlooked author currently writing. Every sentence she writes is perfection. She is the master of the detail, and she respects that an improperly placed or overly precious specific can destroy what would have been a perfectly respectable sentence. I have never read a phrase by this writer that I would have changed one word of. She has three books in print, and they are all outstanding -- the subject matter is actually incidental to her voice and her talent. On my best days, when I think about my own life in my head, I sound like Suzanne. LOVE her!!
September 16, 2008
This is a smart, real, slightly dark story. I fear that it's been labeled "chick lit" (apparently the fate of any book about male/female relationships written by a woman under the age of fifty), and while I enjoy a frothy dating story as much as the next gal (that's what I'm called when I read chick lit), this hit me in a deeper place. Finnamore's writing is detailed and funny but never indulgent. I wanted to write down her clever descriptions for future reference (like when she said her cat resembled Karl Lagerfeld).
I loved this book. I read it in two days.
I loved this book. I read it in two days.
June 15, 2021
Having one female relative in my family get divorced, another thrice-married and a third divorced, remarried to another man before becoming his widow, I resolved never to marry. Who needs that hassle? As this novel reminds us, many need that hassle or want it desperately, often to the point of lunacy.
The book’s protagonist, Eve, demands a decision from Michael. She can’t stay in romantic limbo. So he proposes. And that’s when the fun starts…or the terror. Take your pick.
Ms. Finnemore brings us along on Eve’s tumultuous rollercoaster as she vacillates, congratulates herself, believes she’s making a horrible mistake and flies into furious altercations with the man she’s accepted as her future husband.
This is marriage in the 90s when AIDS was still a death sentence, expensive weekly therapy was de rigeur for upper-middle-class white people and women popped Valium like Chiclets. All this by itself is cause for psychic commotion. But through it all, Eve’s inner voice sings loud and clear as we get to experience all her emotions, conversations and turmoil as she comes to a final decision.
If you’re contemplating marriage, divorce or having second, third and more thoughts after accepting that proposal, this book is one of the most evocative narratives about soon-to-be married that you’ll ever read.
The book’s protagonist, Eve, demands a decision from Michael. She can’t stay in romantic limbo. So he proposes. And that’s when the fun starts…or the terror. Take your pick.
Ms. Finnemore brings us along on Eve’s tumultuous rollercoaster as she vacillates, congratulates herself, believes she’s making a horrible mistake and flies into furious altercations with the man she’s accepted as her future husband.
This is marriage in the 90s when AIDS was still a death sentence, expensive weekly therapy was de rigeur for upper-middle-class white people and women popped Valium like Chiclets. All this by itself is cause for psychic commotion. But through it all, Eve’s inner voice sings loud and clear as we get to experience all her emotions, conversations and turmoil as she comes to a final decision.
If you’re contemplating marriage, divorce or having second, third and more thoughts after accepting that proposal, this book is one of the most evocative narratives about soon-to-be married that you’ll ever read.
April 18, 2025
It took me quite a long time to read this a second time, but that wasn’t for lack of enjoyment.
I remember when I first read this book, I was really surprised by the low rating, so it’s with some sheepishness that I give it 5 stars. I feel the need to explain myself, acknowledge that I know this book isn’t without its flaws and even problematic moments.
But something about it really struck a chord for me and has done so again, especially in the midst of planning my own wedding. To me, it’s a deeply funny and even emotional exploration of the mental descent that getting married can feel like. On one hand, it all seems frivolous, and you’re almost embarrassed by how much you agonize over the smallest of details. But on the other hand, it represents a major transition in life, which comes with a mix of emotions that can be difficult to parse out.
I don’t know. I just really like this book and am glad I found it and now have it bookmarked with countless tabs so I can revisit it again someday.
I remember when I first read this book, I was really surprised by the low rating, so it’s with some sheepishness that I give it 5 stars. I feel the need to explain myself, acknowledge that I know this book isn’t without its flaws and even problematic moments.
But something about it really struck a chord for me and has done so again, especially in the midst of planning my own wedding. To me, it’s a deeply funny and even emotional exploration of the mental descent that getting married can feel like. On one hand, it all seems frivolous, and you’re almost embarrassed by how much you agonize over the smallest of details. But on the other hand, it represents a major transition in life, which comes with a mix of emotions that can be difficult to parse out.
I don’t know. I just really like this book and am glad I found it and now have it bookmarked with countless tabs so I can revisit it again someday.
January 24, 2018
No ha conseguido engancharme. Me ha resultado repetitiva y la existencia de numerosos personajes ha hecho que, en algunos momentos, no supiese de quién estaban hablando. Solamente uno de los capítulos me ha parecido significativo, pues reflexiona sobre la añoranza del tiempo pasado, sobre la importancia de las personas en la vida de los demás,… sobre la vida.
February 15, 2021
On the cover there is a quote "for laugh out loud humor, otherwise engagee takes the cake" I did not once laugh out loud. I noticed the choppy sentences and the over use of commas. I could not get into the characters. Maybe because my context of marriage and engagements have not been such a saddened affair. I felt nothing but annoyance for the girl.
December 29, 2019
I just didn’t enjoy this. The main character Eve is so unlikeable that I had a difficult time attempting to figure out why anyone would want to spend any time with her at all, let alone marry her. Several times I stopped but then just decided to keep going in case it improved.
It didn’t.
It didn’t.
September 25, 2020
Although "chick lit" this book is one that I can read over and over. (It's about the fifth time I've read it.) It is so true and describes the engagement process so perfectly. The fears, the joys, etc. I appreciate it more each time I re-read the book.
October 6, 2021
I read this many years ago, back when I got engaged. I could not relate to Eve’s anxieties about wedding planning and about committing to marriage, but it was a very funny book and I loved her therapist.
May 26, 2017
It definitely is a different way of thinking about life. You see her struggle through deciding to get married and then not get married and it's interesting to see the decisions that she makes
July 22, 2018
Very quick read. I identified with many of the feelings of this son to be married. Good sympathetic character.
February 18, 2019
Only gets two stars because of the poignant death scene.
August 7, 2019
allegedly fiction book about her engagement. starts off a bit stiff, but got just as warm and intimate and funny as the zygote chronicles.
March 31, 2022
Funky, sporadic, chaotic and a light read. No real storyline, but I found myself chuckling all too often. Good for non committed readers..just not ones who are engaged😂
June 8, 2022
biting, funny and poignant, this book is exactly why i love used bookstores— picking something up you didn’t even know existed and finding new life in it
August 9, 2023
Mordaz, divertido, humor negro... Todas las neurosis, dudas y miedos que sufre Eve durante el año en que dura la preparación de su boda. Magnífico
January 3, 2024
This is complete fluff. A book I took on a flight that I could leave in the airport at the other end to help out someone else who wanted to read something mindless as they flew across the country.
August 31, 2022
I didn’t find this book overly appealing seeing as it’s focus is around an engagement which doesn’t grasp much of my attention. Writing style was quite good but surely wouldn’t be my top choice.
Displaying 1 - 30 of 139 reviews