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Escaping Toxic Guilt: Five Proven Steps to Free Yourself from Guilt for Good!
Your life's journey shouldn't be a guilt trip Do you feel responsible for everyone around you? Do you value the feelings of others more than your own? Do you have unrealistic expectations of yourself? Then you may be trapped by toxic guilt. Trying to win the approval of others--whether they are your parents, spouse, colleagues, friends, children, or church--while being trapped by toxic guilt can strain your relationships, drain your energy, and dominate your life. The five easy-to-follow steps in Escaping Toxic Guilt can liberate you from these self-defeating patterns and put you on the path to living life fully, joyfully, and on your own terms. By following this simple, effective plan, you will be able
320 pages, Paperback
First published January 1, 2007
47 people are currently reading
240 people want to read
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Displaying 1 - 25 of 25 reviews
January 26, 2009
This self-help book is a fast read and a little lightweight compared to some of the more in-depth books out there, but it would be an excellent starting point for anyone who struggles with feelings of guilt that are disproportionate, or who tends to be manipulated by others due to guilt. Carrell's writing style is very clear, and while this book is no substitute for a good therapist, it's an excellent way to start exploring the impact guilt has on one's life, as well as beginning to learn the difference between helpful guilt and destructive, toxic guilt.
September 20, 2020
Complete religious propaganda. Very disappointed that the religious undertone was not even suggested in the book summary. While it does address toxic guilt from a psychologic perspective, it is mostly religious-based, which is not helpful for a LOT of people. I also didn't appreciate that the "toxic guilt" situations were boiled down to 8 different scenarios. Life is far more complicated than the author seems to realize!
September 18, 2012
I found this book extremely helpful with developing more of an awareness. This book helps one to understand where the guilt is cultivated and what needs to change to evoke a healthier change with self and with relationships. A great read for personal growth and evolution.
October 22, 2015
This book changed my life and saved my life. I do not read self help books but this one was there at the right time for me. If you are paralyzed with fear about hurting another person because you are always plagued by guilt, read this. I do not know why others gave this a poor rating. I read it twice after my husband was sick, depressed, and addicted. I learned to take control of my thoughts and feelings.
January 10, 2014
I'm giving this four stars because it really hit home. I've long known that I'm a guilt-ridden person. Given my background, this may not surprise. But I had not until reading this book observed how pervasive guilt can be, how present it is in so many of our relationships, and how it has been the driver for decisions and behaviors I would have never on my own connected with this terrible feeling. As with so many psychologically constructive books, this one proves that awareness of feelings and subconscious motivation is at the beginning of the road toward being at peace with oneself and consequently, with others. I have benefited enormously from the perspective imparted here even in the few weeks since I've read this.
October 24, 2023
DNF @ 50%. I didn't realise this was an overtly Christian text. Reasons for 1*:
1) Antisemetic stereotype
2) G-slur
3) Doesn't acknowledge or condemn sexual abuse by priests
4) "a gay or a lesbian"
5) trying Just So Hard to hold back the revulsion at people who choose abortion
6) considers being ashamed of a child's mental illness an example of a "good parent"
tl;dr seems like it's the church that's behind a lot of toxic guilt.
1) Antisemetic stereotype
2) G-slur
3) Doesn't acknowledge or condemn sexual abuse by priests
4) "a gay or a lesbian"
5) trying Just So Hard to hold back the revulsion at people who choose abortion
6) considers being ashamed of a child's mental illness an example of a "good parent"
tl;dr seems like it's the church that's behind a lot of toxic guilt.
February 5, 2014
If you have a problem with guilt and feel guilty over EVERY LITTLE THING, and if your a teenager this is why you get called "Goodie Two Shoes", then read this book otherwise life will be no fun because you will think that everything you do is "Bad" even when it's OBVIOUSLY not!!!
August 31, 2024
Guilt and shame are considered to be the two most unpleasant emotions to feel. And it hit me that while we have an amazing series of books by shame researcher Brene Brown to help us navigate that hard emotion, we don't have anyone of that caliber for guilt. And considering that America is a guilt based culture this is greatly needed.
Unfortunately, this book really doesn't make the mark. I felt it started well as Carrell described how guilt works and can manifest in different ways and went into the difference between healthy guilt and toxic guilt. But then it didn't really deliver. I felt that the organization was poor, with Carrel breaking down how toxic guilt can work with parents, with kids, with spouses, if you're gay, if you've had an unplanned pregnancy, etc, and it became rather repetitive. The anecdotes were interesting and set up well, but when it came to describing how these people made changes it didn't go into a lot of detail.
The third section about how to cope with guilt was very underwhelming. As a therapist myself I know well the struggle people have with knowing at an intellectual level that their guilt is unfounded and knowing and internalizing with all their heart that it is unfounded. And I felt like Carrell only scratched the surface here and it needed a more in depth study than we got.
One thing I did find helpful as an atheist who lives in a religiously conservative area whose clients are either Christian or former Christians was Carrell's discussion about faith and religious sources of guilt. It really put me on the path to a blindspot I had and gave me a little bit of a framework for how to address it with clients who are still religious or have left religion and are struggling with residual guilt. So I am rather disappointed to see people attack the author for bringing up her faith in this book. People who are struggling with toxic guilt for religious reasons and need a healthy religious framework to cope will benefit and people who are no longer religious would likely benefit from some of the insights as well. Carrell does leave the door open for secular ways to cope th0ugh she does not go into those much, but then I also feel as though she didn't go into healthy religious framing enough either.
I feel Carrell put her finger on the pulse of a problem that is swept under the rug in our society and articulated a good model for guilt, but then really failed to deliver in terms of how to cope with it. Still, I think there is good material that will benefit people who are really struggling with toxic guilt even if it doesn't fully deliver and would recommend with caveats.
Unfortunately, this book really doesn't make the mark. I felt it started well as Carrell described how guilt works and can manifest in different ways and went into the difference between healthy guilt and toxic guilt. But then it didn't really deliver. I felt that the organization was poor, with Carrel breaking down how toxic guilt can work with parents, with kids, with spouses, if you're gay, if you've had an unplanned pregnancy, etc, and it became rather repetitive. The anecdotes were interesting and set up well, but when it came to describing how these people made changes it didn't go into a lot of detail.
The third section about how to cope with guilt was very underwhelming. As a therapist myself I know well the struggle people have with knowing at an intellectual level that their guilt is unfounded and knowing and internalizing with all their heart that it is unfounded. And I felt like Carrell only scratched the surface here and it needed a more in depth study than we got.
One thing I did find helpful as an atheist who lives in a religiously conservative area whose clients are either Christian or former Christians was Carrell's discussion about faith and religious sources of guilt. It really put me on the path to a blindspot I had and gave me a little bit of a framework for how to address it with clients who are still religious or have left religion and are struggling with residual guilt. So I am rather disappointed to see people attack the author for bringing up her faith in this book. People who are struggling with toxic guilt for religious reasons and need a healthy religious framework to cope will benefit and people who are no longer religious would likely benefit from some of the insights as well. Carrell does leave the door open for secular ways to cope th0ugh she does not go into those much, but then I also feel as though she didn't go into healthy religious framing enough either.
I feel Carrell put her finger on the pulse of a problem that is swept under the rug in our society and articulated a good model for guilt, but then really failed to deliver in terms of how to cope with it. Still, I think there is good material that will benefit people who are really struggling with toxic guilt even if it doesn't fully deliver and would recommend with caveats.
June 19, 2020
An important subject. This is an easy read.
Susan Carrell draws out family dynamics, cultural underpinnings, religious dogmas, professionall profiles that gets people in conflict with themselves and results in toxic Guilt. People usually will find themselves as pseudo-victims or in a rescuer role and they get stuck in unhealthy behavioral habits.
People-pleasing, poor boundaries, lack of self care, burnout are a few most common ones.
I would have liked to be a little deeper. I grew tired of hearing so many little case studies. Story after story, which they served as good exemples but it felt shallow.
Considering how many people are "nice", "complaint", good girls, good boys, good parents for the sake of the 4th commandment it is defenitely a condition that affects almost all of us.
That's why I craved more, and the author gives some practical steps such as caring for one-self, setting boundaries, pursue what one desires, sayng no. But, again, they seem like common sense approaches which they are unvaluable for sure, it's just that it is easier said than done.
How one steps out of this endless chain of self-abuse is a real challenge.
Susan Carrell draws out family dynamics, cultural underpinnings, religious dogmas, professionall profiles that gets people in conflict with themselves and results in toxic Guilt. People usually will find themselves as pseudo-victims or in a rescuer role and they get stuck in unhealthy behavioral habits.
People-pleasing, poor boundaries, lack of self care, burnout are a few most common ones.
I would have liked to be a little deeper. I grew tired of hearing so many little case studies. Story after story, which they served as good exemples but it felt shallow.
Considering how many people are "nice", "complaint", good girls, good boys, good parents for the sake of the 4th commandment it is defenitely a condition that affects almost all of us.
That's why I craved more, and the author gives some practical steps such as caring for one-self, setting boundaries, pursue what one desires, sayng no. But, again, they seem like common sense approaches which they are unvaluable for sure, it's just that it is easier said than done.
How one steps out of this endless chain of self-abuse is a real challenge.
August 22, 2023
As some of the other reviewers have said, there is a LOT of God in this book. More than I even expected having read the reviews.
Aside from this, I did find the book (especially the first half) really exceptional and so helpful. The 5 steps themselves (second half) didn’t seem groundbreaking. Perhaps their power is apparent through practice.
I found the case studies v helpful to illustrate the points.
I’ll read more about this topic, would love if there was a version of this book that didn’t have 90% of the religious content as I’d love to share it with friends and family but I’d have to get them to skip too much as it is.
Aside from this, I did find the book (especially the first half) really exceptional and so helpful. The 5 steps themselves (second half) didn’t seem groundbreaking. Perhaps their power is apparent through practice.
I found the case studies v helpful to illustrate the points.
I’ll read more about this topic, would love if there was a version of this book that didn’t have 90% of the religious content as I’d love to share it with friends and family but I’d have to get them to skip too much as it is.
June 27, 2021
I am cashig in my guilt trip miles for a new life.
I was constantly trying to please those who cared little about what I wanted or needed in my life. The book helped me move on to a new way of living my life . Not that it will be a smooth transition but it will be my life and no one else's life.
I was constantly trying to please those who cared little about what I wanted or needed in my life. The book helped me move on to a new way of living my life . Not that it will be a smooth transition but it will be my life and no one else's life.
September 14, 2021
really accessible book despite some of it being for Christians, it is easily accessible for those who are not. I guess I just found that the book had way too many case studies as demonstrations and that the steps were a bit wishy washy. I mean, its common relationship CBT or boundary setting in my opinion. Nicely written though.
May 22, 2020
Good book for giving overview
I read this book to gain insight on myself and my patterns and how to get out of my own way. Although somewhat from a religious perspective I found the book helpful
I read this book to gain insight on myself and my patterns and how to get out of my own way. Although somewhat from a religious perspective I found the book helpful
July 25, 2018
This hit the spot.
July 12, 2020
This really helped me identify a problem and let a lot of things go. If you’re thinking about reading it, you probably should. It’s light reading but profound.
January 3, 2021
This is a Christian book. Would've been nice to mention that on the cover somewhere.
I couldn't relate to anything since the focus is on religion, children, partners, homosexuality and abortion.
I couldn't relate to anything since the focus is on religion, children, partners, homosexuality and abortion.
June 29, 2021
Highly recommended and very enjoyable to read. Now, I just have to see if I can practice all the tips and recommendations 😅
January 31, 2022
Reads like a story, not a "self help" book. Relatable with steps to heal that make sense!
January 3, 2023
Meh.
A sprinkling of valuable tips, but a lot of religious references and suggestions that I wasn’t expecting.
A sprinkling of valuable tips, but a lot of religious references and suggestions that I wasn’t expecting.
August 3, 2009
Very good tips on dealing with toxic guilt in a simplified five-step manner, but the Christian overtones are a little overbearing leaving me to rate this four instead of five stars.
July 29, 2012
This is a great book.
October 29, 2012
A lot of useful general advice, but a bit light on specifics of how to implement the strategies mentioned. Still a decent read on the topic.
October 15, 2012
Extremely relevant to me.
July 3, 2013
Insider's guide on how to work with guilt especially of religious, moral and ethical origin as well as other phychological traps.
October 24, 2014
Useful, obvious in parts, a bit to American and religious for me.
Displaying 1 - 25 of 25 reviews