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Worried All the Time: Rediscovering the Joy in Parenthood in an Age of Anxiety
A much-needed book for parents about themselves.
In the tradition of Dr. Benjamin Spock, who in 1946 revolutionized parenting with the famous opening words of his classic child-rearing guide, "You know more than you think you know," child and family therapist David Anderegg reminds contemporary parents that "parenting is not rocket science. It's not even Chem 101." So why do those of us with children worry so much?
Whether they're thinking about school violence or getting a child into the right college, American moms and dads are a pretty worried crowd. Even though most American families are safer and healthier today than at any other time in our history, studies show that parental worrying has, in recent years, reached an all-time high. In Worried All the Time, Dr. Anderegg draws on social science research and his more than twenty years' experience as a therapist treating both parents and their children to clarify facts and fantasies about kids' lives today and the key issues that preoccupy parents. In the process, he offers a comforting and useful Parents are suffering needlessly -- and there are things they can do to take the edge off and focus on what their children really need.
In Worried All the Time, Dr. Anderegg identifies some of the causes of worry in contemporary American families, including fewer children, exaggerated fear of competition, and overblown media reports of children at risk. Anderegg calls this the "tabloidization of children" and critiques the fashion for media portrayals of "children in crisis." One at a time, he takes on the hot-button issues of our
• the use of day care and nannies
• overexposure to media
• school violence
• overscheduling
• experimentation with drugs
and looks a little closer to see the facts and the fantasies beneath the hysteria. Calling himself a "crisis agnostic," Anderegg persuasively argues that needless worry has negative consequences for families and for our culture as a whole. The cardinal rules of good parenting -- moderation, empathy, and temperamental accommodation with one's child -- are simple, he says, and are not likely to be improved upon by the latest scientific findings. Anderegg helps parents to understand the difference between wise vigilance and potentially crippling anxiety and to gain the confidence to trust their own common sense.
In the tradition of Dr. Benjamin Spock, who in 1946 revolutionized parenting with the famous opening words of his classic child-rearing guide, "You know more than you think you know," child and family therapist David Anderegg reminds contemporary parents that "parenting is not rocket science. It's not even Chem 101." So why do those of us with children worry so much?
Whether they're thinking about school violence or getting a child into the right college, American moms and dads are a pretty worried crowd. Even though most American families are safer and healthier today than at any other time in our history, studies show that parental worrying has, in recent years, reached an all-time high. In Worried All the Time, Dr. Anderegg draws on social science research and his more than twenty years' experience as a therapist treating both parents and their children to clarify facts and fantasies about kids' lives today and the key issues that preoccupy parents. In the process, he offers a comforting and useful Parents are suffering needlessly -- and there are things they can do to take the edge off and focus on what their children really need.
In Worried All the Time, Dr. Anderegg identifies some of the causes of worry in contemporary American families, including fewer children, exaggerated fear of competition, and overblown media reports of children at risk. Anderegg calls this the "tabloidization of children" and critiques the fashion for media portrayals of "children in crisis." One at a time, he takes on the hot-button issues of our
• the use of day care and nannies
• overexposure to media
• school violence
• overscheduling
• experimentation with drugs
and looks a little closer to see the facts and the fantasies beneath the hysteria. Calling himself a "crisis agnostic," Anderegg persuasively argues that needless worry has negative consequences for families and for our culture as a whole. The cardinal rules of good parenting -- moderation, empathy, and temperamental accommodation with one's child -- are simple, he says, and are not likely to be improved upon by the latest scientific findings. Anderegg helps parents to understand the difference between wise vigilance and potentially crippling anxiety and to gain the confidence to trust their own common sense.
240 pages, Paperback
First published April 29, 2003
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214 people want to read
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Displaying 1 - 5 of 5 reviews
September 22, 2009
This a great parenting book for someone like me, who, worries alot, but, also offers some great advice for parents struggling with decisions related to their kids.
One of the interesting concepts that this book includes is that good parenting is the business of negotiating between extremes. And the paradox is that as worrying increases, the wish for clarity also increases and parents turn to scintific solutions for clarity and simple clear answers. But clarity and simplicity are probably not entirely helpful. They are the product of extreme theories. The right answers are not things like, "never, ever" anything. The right answers are "never unless" and this is not what a worried person wants to hear. However psychology offers some help in this giant paradox. We can use it to offer strategies for evaluating risk and our knowledge of our own values and thoughts.
Self reflection is a way to determine what worry amplifiers lie in our own lives. Less than acceptable thoughts or feelings we harbor about ourselves that tatchet up the worry of our children in everday life. Being honest with ourselves helps this process.
The book touches upon alot of typical parenting worries today. It discusses these worries in terms of fact driven analysis of the anxiety of the issue and looks at the underlying psychological problems/issues associated with the specific worries. For example, driving children to perfection, overscheduling, problems with drugs/alcohol, problems with authority, secondary care issues. There are exercises for the parent to do in order to determine any underlying psychological personal issues related to each topic and the reason for extra worry.
This book offers so much great information, facts and inspires some wonderful thinking related to parenthood. One of my favorite quotes from the book is, "parenting is one of those things that really works when you stop trying so hard;most often, you can really be a good parent when you let go of the effort and stop worrying about the outcome."
One of the interesting concepts that this book includes is that good parenting is the business of negotiating between extremes. And the paradox is that as worrying increases, the wish for clarity also increases and parents turn to scintific solutions for clarity and simple clear answers. But clarity and simplicity are probably not entirely helpful. They are the product of extreme theories. The right answers are not things like, "never, ever" anything. The right answers are "never unless" and this is not what a worried person wants to hear. However psychology offers some help in this giant paradox. We can use it to offer strategies for evaluating risk and our knowledge of our own values and thoughts.
Self reflection is a way to determine what worry amplifiers lie in our own lives. Less than acceptable thoughts or feelings we harbor about ourselves that tatchet up the worry of our children in everday life. Being honest with ourselves helps this process.
The book touches upon alot of typical parenting worries today. It discusses these worries in terms of fact driven analysis of the anxiety of the issue and looks at the underlying psychological problems/issues associated with the specific worries. For example, driving children to perfection, overscheduling, problems with drugs/alcohol, problems with authority, secondary care issues. There are exercises for the parent to do in order to determine any underlying psychological personal issues related to each topic and the reason for extra worry.
This book offers so much great information, facts and inspires some wonderful thinking related to parenthood. One of my favorite quotes from the book is, "parenting is one of those things that really works when you stop trying so hard;most often, you can really be a good parent when you let go of the effort and stop worrying about the outcome."
July 1, 2008
I have mixed emotions about this book. I enjoyed the beginning and the historical look at why parents worry, but the further I delved into this book, the more I was confused by some of his interpretations.
Granted, he's a doctor and I am not, so some of my confusion might be due to a lack of meidcal training.
Granted, he's a doctor and I am not, so some of my confusion might be due to a lack of meidcal training.
August 30, 2012
Good info about anxiety in today's parenting. My criticism is that it was almost too broad- covered anxiety during early childhood and as kids are teens. That type of book would be difficult to market as most parents are looking for books specific to that age that their child currently is. Would be good for educators and therapists.
May 16, 2011
You'll never get a good review from me by insulting Buffy.
I loved Anderegg's "Nerds," but I was disappointed by this one. Too much anti-TV ranting; not enough research addressing genuine areas of worry. "The Science of Fear" was much better on the same topic.
I loved Anderegg's "Nerds," but I was disappointed by this one. Too much anti-TV ranting; not enough research addressing genuine areas of worry. "The Science of Fear" was much better on the same topic.
September 5, 2019
As a parent and a chronic worrier, I felt the need to read this book! The title really caught my eye and spoke to me. I was expecting a little more from the book...maybe some insight or tips on how NOT to be this way! I was left wanting more.
Displaying 1 - 5 of 5 reviews