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The Impossible Life of Mary Benson
The remarkable true story of the life of Mary wife of an archbishop, friend of
Queen Victoria, mother of three "unpermissably gifted" children—including E. F.
Benson, and in love with dozens of women Sometimes touching and sometimes hilarious, this is the story of one lovable, brilliant woman and her trajectory through the often surprising opportunities and the remarkable limitations of a Victorian woman's life. Young Minnie Sidgwick was just 12 years old when her cousin, 12-year-old Edward Benson, proposed to her in 1853. Edward went on to become Archbishop of Canterbury and little Minnie—as Mary Benson—to preside a social world that ranged from Tennyson, Henry James, and Oscar Wilde to foreign royalty and Queen Victoria herself. Yet Mrs. Benson's most intense relationships were not with her husband and his associates, but with other women. When the Archbishop died, Mary, or "Ben" to her intimates, turned down an offer from the Queen to live at Windsor, and set up home in a Jacobean manor house with her friend Lucy Tait. Drawing on the diaries and novels of the Bensons themselves, including E. F. Benson's Mapp and Lucia novels, as well as the writing of contemporary writers and poets, this book creates a very rich portrait of Mary Benson, her family, her close female friends, and their world.
Queen Victoria, mother of three "unpermissably gifted" children—including E. F.
Benson, and in love with dozens of women Sometimes touching and sometimes hilarious, this is the story of one lovable, brilliant woman and her trajectory through the often surprising opportunities and the remarkable limitations of a Victorian woman's life. Young Minnie Sidgwick was just 12 years old when her cousin, 12-year-old Edward Benson, proposed to her in 1853. Edward went on to become Archbishop of Canterbury and little Minnie—as Mary Benson—to preside a social world that ranged from Tennyson, Henry James, and Oscar Wilde to foreign royalty and Queen Victoria herself. Yet Mrs. Benson's most intense relationships were not with her husband and his associates, but with other women. When the Archbishop died, Mary, or "Ben" to her intimates, turned down an offer from the Queen to live at Windsor, and set up home in a Jacobean manor house with her friend Lucy Tait. Drawing on the diaries and novels of the Bensons themselves, including E. F. Benson's Mapp and Lucia novels, as well as the writing of contemporary writers and poets, this book creates a very rich portrait of Mary Benson, her family, her close female friends, and their world.
384 pages, Paperback
First published January 1, 2011
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430 people want to read
About the author
Rodney Bolt
36 books3 followersRodney Bolt was born in South Africa. He studied at Rhodes University and wrote the play Gandhi: Act Too, which won the 1980 Durban Critic's Circle Play of the Year award. That same year he won a scholarship to Cambridge and read English at Corpus Christi. He has twice won Travel Writer of the Year awards in Germany and is the author of History Play, an invented biography of Christopher Marlowe (HarperCollins, 2004) and The Librettist of Venice, a biography of Lorenzo Da Ponte (Bloomsbury, 2006), which was shortlisted for the Los Angeles Times Book Award. He lives in Amsterdam.
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July 5, 2019Second read, since I just read an EF Benson book, As We Were: A Victorian Peep-Show, and wanted to refresh my memory. Props for the opening with the Archbishop of Canterbury dying at prayer, very reasonably described by the author as "insufferable to the last".
So Edward White Benson, the future Archbishop, was a peculiar, domineering, controlling man, who selected his future wife when she was eleven (he was 23) and proposed when she was 12, manipulating her and her family to achieve this. The spectacular creepiness of this proceeding is conveyed in the letters and diaries of the parties involved with no need for editorial comment. She was bi but mostly homoromantic with a series of women lovers over the years, and her lifetime partner moved in a matter of days after Edward died. (Ha.) They had six kids, of whom a couple died fairly young, all brilliant (with more flash than depth), from AC Benson (wrote the words to Land of Hope and Glory) to EF Benson (star writer of his time, did the Mapp and Lucia books), Maggie (brilliant Egyptologist) and Hugh (really very goddamn odd indeed, became Catholic priest, started cult). There was also a very serious strain of mental illness in the family--Edward and AC suffered incapacitating depression, Maggie schizophrenia. Oh, and AC, EF and Maggie were all queer too--AC horribly repressed, though also a bit creepy, EF partying it up on the Continent and hanging with Lord Alfred Douglas, Maggie with a very happy relationship with a fellow Egyptologist until her illness struck.
This is an overview centred on Mary, whose life was vampired out of her by her ghastly husband and then by her later, domineering partner Lucy, not to mention the agonies of her adult children's deaths and illnesses. It is, I have to say, heavily reliant on As We Were, which is unfortunate if you read them back to back, but it makes a good starting point. Author presents the evidence for the reader to draw conclusions, rather than speculating, which makes it feel a bit bare at points but spares us the usual reams of "he must have felt..." editorialising, and the style is very readable.
So Edward White Benson, the future Archbishop, was a peculiar, domineering, controlling man, who selected his future wife when she was eleven (he was 23) and proposed when she was 12, manipulating her and her family to achieve this. The spectacular creepiness of this proceeding is conveyed in the letters and diaries of the parties involved with no need for editorial comment. She was bi but mostly homoromantic with a series of women lovers over the years, and her lifetime partner moved in a matter of days after Edward died. (Ha.) They had six kids, of whom a couple died fairly young, all brilliant (with more flash than depth), from AC Benson (wrote the words to Land of Hope and Glory) to EF Benson (star writer of his time, did the Mapp and Lucia books), Maggie (brilliant Egyptologist) and Hugh (really very goddamn odd indeed, became Catholic priest, started cult). There was also a very serious strain of mental illness in the family--Edward and AC suffered incapacitating depression, Maggie schizophrenia. Oh, and AC, EF and Maggie were all queer too--AC horribly repressed, though also a bit creepy, EF partying it up on the Continent and hanging with Lord Alfred Douglas, Maggie with a very happy relationship with a fellow Egyptologist until her illness struck.
This is an overview centred on Mary, whose life was vampired out of her by her ghastly husband and then by her later, domineering partner Lucy, not to mention the agonies of her adult children's deaths and illnesses. It is, I have to say, heavily reliant on As We Were, which is unfortunate if you read them back to back, but it makes a good starting point. Author presents the evidence for the reader to draw conclusions, rather than speculating, which makes it feel a bit bare at points but spares us the usual reams of "he must have felt..." editorialising, and the style is very readable.
October 8, 2023
This is a superb biography of an extraordinary family. The title is taken from the words of Ethel Smyth, composer and suffragette, and one of the many women loved by Mary Benson, wife of Edward Benson, the Archbishop of Canterbury. Edward Benson singled Mary out to be is wife when she was still a child and waited for her to mature before marrying her. That extraordinary fact commences a finely written work in which people are allowed to speak for themselves in their words and Bolt is subtle in his judgements: he tells Mary's tale with continual reference to first hand sources.
The Benson family might not be immediately recognised today, but Arthur wrote the words for Land of Hope and Glory and Fred created the Mapp and Lucia novels. On the surface, the Bensons were model Victorian-Edwardians. But undercurrents show much more. Mary was inclined to love women without "morbidity" (sexual connectivity). Maggie, her Egyptologist daughter, was of the same persuasion. Tragic Arthur loved boys subliminally and comic Fred lived on the edge of the Oscar Wilde crowd, knew Bosie Douglas, and spent holidays on Corfu where young men became willing physical lovers. What a household, a hot-bed of sexual activity under the priggish nose of the most senior divine in the Anglican church.
The biography could have degenerated into salacious gossip. But Bolt rises far above this. He treats Mary with dignity. She was famous for her "tac"/tact. And Bolt meets tact with tactfulness, drawing out her matriarchal qualities: love, compassion, and faithfulness. He examines her marriage to Edward in detail, its abusiveness and coldness, and draws out her strength of character. She truly is a woman for our times. Bolt also explores many paradoxes within the family. In spite of the strong Cristian weight around her neck, Mary attended seances and defied her husband. Though pillars of the establishment, her children grew up to hold very unorthodox views.
Throughout this book (which is not a novel, as some Goodreads reviewers seem to think!), Bolt reveals an eye for telling details. He offers a penetrating psychological study of a family and its desire to survive at all costs. The youngest brother, Hugh, wrote terrible horror stories, but they pale before Bolt's description of Maggie's descent into matricide and madness. All in all, this is a wonderful read from beginning to end.
The Benson family might not be immediately recognised today, but Arthur wrote the words for Land of Hope and Glory and Fred created the Mapp and Lucia novels. On the surface, the Bensons were model Victorian-Edwardians. But undercurrents show much more. Mary was inclined to love women without "morbidity" (sexual connectivity). Maggie, her Egyptologist daughter, was of the same persuasion. Tragic Arthur loved boys subliminally and comic Fred lived on the edge of the Oscar Wilde crowd, knew Bosie Douglas, and spent holidays on Corfu where young men became willing physical lovers. What a household, a hot-bed of sexual activity under the priggish nose of the most senior divine in the Anglican church.
The biography could have degenerated into salacious gossip. But Bolt rises far above this. He treats Mary with dignity. She was famous for her "tac"/tact. And Bolt meets tact with tactfulness, drawing out her matriarchal qualities: love, compassion, and faithfulness. He examines her marriage to Edward in detail, its abusiveness and coldness, and draws out her strength of character. She truly is a woman for our times. Bolt also explores many paradoxes within the family. In spite of the strong Cristian weight around her neck, Mary attended seances and defied her husband. Though pillars of the establishment, her children grew up to hold very unorthodox views.
Throughout this book (which is not a novel, as some Goodreads reviewers seem to think!), Bolt reveals an eye for telling details. He offers a penetrating psychological study of a family and its desire to survive at all costs. The youngest brother, Hugh, wrote terrible horror stories, but they pale before Bolt's description of Maggie's descent into matricide and madness. All in all, this is a wonderful read from beginning to end.
January 12, 2012
I do love a good book about eccentric people from the past. Mary Benson was married to the man who became Archbishop of Canterbury. He proposed to her when she was 11 and he was 23, convinced that she was perfect for him. No great looker but very intelligent, Mary did her duty as a wife reasonably well. Mary had many infatuations with other women while married and after her husband died she shared a bed for the rest of her life with Lucy Tait. Unusual for Victorian times maybe, though it sounds as though most of Mary's infatuations were requited. More unusual is that her five children who lived to adulthood all had similar tendancies. Delving into depression, illness, religion, sexuality and family ties during Victorian times this book was a really enjoyable and revealing read.
I wondered if I would struggle reading non-fiction on a Kindle (this is the third book I've read on mine) because I like to flick back and forth between timelines, notes etc but I managed okay.
I wondered if I would struggle reading non-fiction on a Kindle (this is the third book I've read on mine) because I like to flick back and forth between timelines, notes etc but I managed okay.
May 16, 2015
If you think Elvis was out of line proposing to Priscilla at age fourteen, what do you make of Edward Benson, future Archbishop of Canterbury and intimate of Queen Victoria, proposing to his bride when she was eleven? Poor Minnie Benson, married off to a terrifying older man who made
George Eliot's Mr. Casaubon look like a sunny soul - what a life she led! And yet she managed, in spite of his selfishness and deep depressions, to not only raise a family and be his helpmeet, but to have numerous passionate affairs with other women. My kind of girl! And then there are the Benson children, each one smarter than the next, and as gay as their mother. One became a homicidal maniac, one a Catholic priest, and two were well-known novelists, Fred being the author of the divine Mapp and Lucia series. An excellent portrait of a most eccentric and fascinating family.
George Eliot's Mr. Casaubon look like a sunny soul - what a life she led! And yet she managed, in spite of his selfishness and deep depressions, to not only raise a family and be his helpmeet, but to have numerous passionate affairs with other women. My kind of girl! And then there are the Benson children, each one smarter than the next, and as gay as their mother. One became a homicidal maniac, one a Catholic priest, and two were well-known novelists, Fred being the author of the divine Mapp and Lucia series. An excellent portrait of a most eccentric and fascinating family.
December 24, 2011
The Benson family - you could not make them up, really. Future archbishop who picks out a future wife when she's only 13. Future wife turns out, over the course of being a clergy wife, to be much more into other women and even before his death her dear friend, daughter of another archbishop, moves into the palace. Their children kept up the wackiness quotient - the most normal/successful was EF Benson of Mapp and Lucia fame. There's actually a lot of sadness about this story, but also a deep sense of how very weird the private lives of eminent Victorians (and I think being Primate of England, cosy with the Queen and pally with Gladstone counts as Eminent Victorian) could be. Compared to the family dramas of the Bensons, the 'illicit' menage of Mary Anne Evans and George Henry Lewes, in which she acted as exemplary and beloved stepmother to his sons looks boringly domestically dull.
February 8, 2023
Fascinating and readable. Interesting passages about religious doubt too, especially as Mary was the wife of the Archbishop of Canterbury. The Bensons moved in high (Royal) society and were unconventional and highly intelligent. Some amusing as well as sad moments.
June 19, 2019
Excellent, but what a frustrating life the characters seem to have led!
November 24, 2016
This biography of Mary Benson, wife of a famous Archbishop of Canterbury, mother of several gifted authors and sometime correspondent of Queen Victoria, suffers from a major flaw : there is nothing much interesting to say about the subject. As a wife and mother, anchored firmly in the Victorian belief of "The Angel in the Home", she spent much of her life in the shadow of her charismatic, overbearing, demanding husband and her gifted but troubled children (among whom was E.F. Benson, author of the delicious "Mapp and Lucia" novels). She did leave a copious correspondence and a diary, so it was possible to reconstruct her life. But what did she do? She was chosen by Edward Benson, future Archbishop of Canterbury, to be his future wife when she was a girl of 11 and wed him when she was 19. She realized quickly that she didn't love him but bore him half a dozen children. She followed him in his various positions and became an accomplished hostess and conversationalist, capable of drawing out chance acquaintances. She struggled with her religion and with her attraction to women, then with her troublesome children. Three of them predeceased her, and one of them became paranoid and had to be hospitalized. Even worse, one of them became a Catholic priest. It also seems that with the exception of Edward Benson, the patriarch, this entire family seemed to prefer the company of people of their own sex. There are copious extracts of Mary's overwrought letters to her various "friends". But of the things she did best : creating a home, making her houseguests feel at home, witty repartee, there is no trace - these are evanescent achievements. So we keep on being told that she was so clever, that her conversation sparkled... but we see little of it.
While it seems statistically odd that an entire family should be lesbian or homosexual, this is not a theme that can fill an entire book. So what the book does best is to evoke the life of a Victorian family : the grand houses with the numerous rooms for servants and retainers. The stifling religious precepts that penetrated every aspect of daily life. Lunches, teas and dinners. The constant dread of illness- a cold could turn into pneumonia overnight and carry off a young person in a few days. The inventory of a respectable Victorian household, with its massive furniture and heavy linen. The occasional trip abroad - in this case, to Egypt, where two of the Benson family interested themselves in archeological digs.
In summary : this book succeeds best as a slice of Victorian life rather than as biography
While it seems statistically odd that an entire family should be lesbian or homosexual, this is not a theme that can fill an entire book. So what the book does best is to evoke the life of a Victorian family : the grand houses with the numerous rooms for servants and retainers. The stifling religious precepts that penetrated every aspect of daily life. Lunches, teas and dinners. The constant dread of illness- a cold could turn into pneumonia overnight and carry off a young person in a few days. The inventory of a respectable Victorian household, with its massive furniture and heavy linen. The occasional trip abroad - in this case, to Egypt, where two of the Benson family interested themselves in archeological digs.
In summary : this book succeeds best as a slice of Victorian life rather than as biography
November 11, 2019
[4.5 stars] On 23 June 1859, eighteen-year-old Minnie Sidgwick married her distant cousin Edward Benson. The couple had known each other since Minnie was a little girl and Edward had hoped to marry her ever since she was eleven, when he had admired her brightness of spirit and her intelligence. Perhaps marriages of this kind did sometimes prove to be happy. But not this one. Minnie, or Mary as she became as an adult woman, passed from being an anxious, eager-to-please daughter to being an anxious, daunted wife. As her husband vaulted up the ecclesiastical hierarchy, Mary Benson played the role of dutiful clergyman’s wife, culminating in the greatest challenge of all: the wife of the Archbishop of Canterbury. But who was this woman who stood behind one of the most influential men in the land? And why should we care about her? In this utterly engaging biography, Rodney Bolt brings together family documents, diaries, letters, novels and contemporary material to give us a deep and absorbing picture of an extraordinary woman whose experiences offer a fascinating picture of the Victorian age...
For the full review, please see my blog:
https://theidlewoman.net/2019/10/24/t...
For the full review, please see my blog:
https://theidlewoman.net/2019/10/24/t...
May 18, 2017
Mary Sidgwick was betrothed to Edward Benson, her cousin, at the age of 11, and it's obvious that he was looking for an "unformed" person who he could mold into the form he wished for. From sometimes penurious circumstances to Lambeth Palace when he becomes Archbishop of Canterbury, Mary managed to forge a life for herself and her children, in spite of her long absences after "nervous breakdowns." Even before Edward's death Mary forms close relationships with women, which continue and intensify once she is on her own. This family history came from diaries, letters, and writings of Mary's novelist sons, but it fails to truly convey the strength of personality, which must have been considerable. Not a satisfying read.
April 10, 2013
While Mary Benson had an interesting life, it's unfortunate that the author was unable to cite more instances of why she was considered to be a wit and to demonstrate her intelligence. This is a book about yet another woman (and her daughters as well)who was held back by the restrictions of her time period.
March 18, 2019
A remarkable life indeed. Although a somewhat dull book. I felt compelled to finish it but it was an effort.
Which is surprising for a life spanning a fascinating period in British history and sexually controversial for the time. Not really recommended, though Mary Benson's life was undeniably fascinating.
Which is surprising for a life spanning a fascinating period in British history and sexually controversial for the time. Not really recommended, though Mary Benson's life was undeniably fascinating.
March 25, 2019
Beautiful, disturbing, arousing a variety of feeling including much admiration. The author captured not just Mary Benson’s personality but also that of her children. So much I liked here from the letters and interludes selected to the warmth and language the author used. The book ended suddenly and sadly. Such a brilliant woman and family.
December 19, 2012
The Bensons - what a family! Imagine meeting an eight year old girl and deciding yep, that's the girl for me! So begins their stories, and each of them weirder than the others. I loved this book, great characters all the more fascinating because they were real people.
Want to read
July 16, 2011E.F. Benson's mother was a lesbian and his father was an archbishop!?
January 27, 2016
Really enjoyed the first half but then got a bit bored unfortunately.
February 5, 2017
She was the wife of the Archibishop of Canterbury. Very interesting, lots of lesbianism.
February 13, 2023
5 stars: Well-written. The characters, places, and situations are drawn brilliantly: you could be reading a novel.
3 stars: It's mildly interesting to learn about this time and place .
1 star: Not one of the main characters is a good person. The situations are generally not good.
I made it to page 129 out of 314 (41%) and realized the detrimental effect of so much negativity on my mental health, so I stopped reading.
So, overall, 2 stars: just a mediocre book in sum. I don't recommend it to anyone.
3 stars: It's mildly interesting to learn about this time and place .
1 star: Not one of the main characters is a good person. The situations are generally not good.
I made it to page 129 out of 314 (41%) and realized the detrimental effect of so much negativity on my mental health, so I stopped reading.
So, overall, 2 stars: just a mediocre book in sum. I don't recommend it to anyone.
May 8, 2025
A wonderful account of an absolutely astonishing family!
The book was written with affection and humour, and the narrative was interspersed with extracts from letters, novels written by the family (or about them), journals, newspaper accounts etc.
Edwards Benson was an insufferable and egocentric man, who would be considered predatory today, and completely dominated the family until his death.
Afterwards, it took Mary time to adjust to her new-found freedom, but she learned to flourish in the love and affection of her family, in spite of seeming to attract a succession of domineering women into her life. Her children were brilliant and eccentric, but not very likeable - except for Fred. Maggie’s descent into psychosis and paranoia was absolutely tragic, but I didn’t shed a tear over the passing of Hugh.
Wonderfully written and a pleasure to read.
The book was written with affection and humour, and the narrative was interspersed with extracts from letters, novels written by the family (or about them), journals, newspaper accounts etc.
Edwards Benson was an insufferable and egocentric man, who would be considered predatory today, and completely dominated the family until his death.
Afterwards, it took Mary time to adjust to her new-found freedom, but she learned to flourish in the love and affection of her family, in spite of seeming to attract a succession of domineering women into her life. Her children were brilliant and eccentric, but not very likeable - except for Fred. Maggie’s descent into psychosis and paranoia was absolutely tragic, but I didn’t shed a tear over the passing of Hugh.
Wonderfully written and a pleasure to read.
February 2, 2020
I really struggled with this book. The writing style felt never ending. Sentences and paragraphs gave information but didn’t feel like they flowed or reached a point. Chapters were 40/50 pages at times, which is too long for the style in which it is written.
I think the interesting lives of this family could have been written more clearly and coherently to truly reflect each members individual personality and narratives.
Overall I had to force myself through this one.
I think the interesting lives of this family could have been written more clearly and coherently to truly reflect each members individual personality and narratives.
Overall I had to force myself through this one.
May 6, 2019
Wonderful
A fascinating insight into the life of Mary Benson and her prolific family. The narrative was wonderfully interspersed with clippings from works that were contemporary to the events being talked about, and it really made the whole book a unique thing in the realm of historical biographies.
A fascinating insight into the life of Mary Benson and her prolific family. The narrative was wonderfully interspersed with clippings from works that were contemporary to the events being talked about, and it really made the whole book a unique thing in the realm of historical biographies.
October 9, 2018
A very interesting account of the life of Mary Benson and her family. The author draws on snippets of novels and poetry alongside the usual letters and diaries. Well illustrated a very good read.
June 28, 2020
Fascinating book of a woman who was desperate to please everyone. Which only goes to prove it's just not possible!
October 29, 2020
Not what I was expecting at all. It certainly wasn’t for me and I stopped reading it at only 9% which I have never done before. I am so sorry and hope that many other readers will find it enjoyable.
May 26, 2013
Perhaps somewhat shamefully, given my love for the Victorians, I'd never heard of any of the Bensons. Then again, I'm not particularly well-versed in either religious history or minor Edwardian literature, so I suppose there's no reason why I should have known about them. Nonetheless, I was intrigued by the book's title when I spotted it on a library shelf, and especially by the book's promise of a scandalous lesbian affair. The book was actually more mundane than this, but enjoyable regardless.
Mary Benson was the wife of Edward Benson, the Archbishop of Canterbury in the late 19th century. She had been essentially groomed to be his bride from the age of 11 (creepy, though Edward was not the only Benson with an unhealthy relationship with children), and thus forced to suppress her own desires, including her inclination towards same-sex relationships. She went on to give birth to six children, whose cleverness is reiterated throughout the book.
Although Bolt gets in a jab about her son's biography of her (for being mainly about himself), his own biography also focuses largely on her children and Edward. This is undoubtedly in large part because she was so often forced to sublimate her own will to those of her family, and by her own admittance, hadn't really been able to develop any of her own interests. Still, he does include some passages from her diary, and I would have loved to hear more, as she was obviously a fascinating woman in her own right. Bolt also includes passages from the writings of the various Benson children, which do serve to further illuminate the lives of the Bensons.
Though the dust jacket promised a more lurid affair, the book tends to skirt away from actual sex, though we are given to understand that most of the family have homosexual tendencies (with two of the sons seeming to verge on paedophilia, which is quite icky and disturbing to modern readers, though I realise it wasn't quite as taboo in Victorian times). Bolt withholds judgement throughout, instead letting the family members judge and criticise themselves, through their books and letters. As I stated above, I was disappointed that much of Mary's spirit seemed to have been suppressed, rather as it was in life (and I wanted to see her end up in a loving relationship with a woman after Edward's death, instead of a female version of Edward, but alas, nonfiction can't end the way we want it to). That being said, I still massively enjoyed this book. It was refreshing to read about such an unconventional Victorian family, where even the girls were encouraged intellectually, and given a chance to shine. I liked the included passages from the Bensons' works so much, I'm tempted to seek out some of Fred and Maggie's books. Whilst it's not quite the analysis of Victorian lesbianism I was hoping for, it is a fascinating account of a remarkable family.
Mary Benson was the wife of Edward Benson, the Archbishop of Canterbury in the late 19th century. She had been essentially groomed to be his bride from the age of 11 (creepy, though Edward was not the only Benson with an unhealthy relationship with children), and thus forced to suppress her own desires, including her inclination towards same-sex relationships. She went on to give birth to six children, whose cleverness is reiterated throughout the book.
Although Bolt gets in a jab about her son's biography of her (for being mainly about himself), his own biography also focuses largely on her children and Edward. This is undoubtedly in large part because she was so often forced to sublimate her own will to those of her family, and by her own admittance, hadn't really been able to develop any of her own interests. Still, he does include some passages from her diary, and I would have loved to hear more, as she was obviously a fascinating woman in her own right. Bolt also includes passages from the writings of the various Benson children, which do serve to further illuminate the lives of the Bensons.
Though the dust jacket promised a more lurid affair, the book tends to skirt away from actual sex, though we are given to understand that most of the family have homosexual tendencies (with two of the sons seeming to verge on paedophilia, which is quite icky and disturbing to modern readers, though I realise it wasn't quite as taboo in Victorian times). Bolt withholds judgement throughout, instead letting the family members judge and criticise themselves, through their books and letters. As I stated above, I was disappointed that much of Mary's spirit seemed to have been suppressed, rather as it was in life (and I wanted to see her end up in a loving relationship with a woman after Edward's death, instead of a female version of Edward, but alas, nonfiction can't end the way we want it to). That being said, I still massively enjoyed this book. It was refreshing to read about such an unconventional Victorian family, where even the girls were encouraged intellectually, and given a chance to shine. I liked the included passages from the Bensons' works so much, I'm tempted to seek out some of Fred and Maggie's books. Whilst it's not quite the analysis of Victorian lesbianism I was hoping for, it is a fascinating account of a remarkable family.
March 25, 2016
I'd seen some positive reviews of this book and so picked it up on my kindle. The difficulty with that was that I have the text quite large on the device and I read landscape. This book contains lots of additional quotes and extracts which meant that I found it hard to skip through to the narrative (sorry, I loathe overwrought victorian poetry).
Mary Benson's story is interesting, born into an early Victorian middle class plus family she was identified as a potential spouse by her cousin at an early age. Groomed (and I use that word carefully) to be a dutiful and obedient wife, Mary realised that this wasn't really what she wanted from life but did not have many options.
Dealing with a highly-strung husband she managed to raise a similarly highly-strung brood of high achievers. Her ambitious husband moved from schoolmaster to Archbishop of Canterbury through influence and intellect. After his death Mary became more adventurous and lived her life as she wanted.
The questions about Mary's sexuality are glossed over - she has lots of close friends with whom she falls in love, she shares a bed with her companion etc. Never is this developed more fully. Similarly her children have 'friends' of the same sex, they socialise with Oscar Wilde etc.
As a biography of a minor character in history this book is fairly pedestrian but as document of middle class life in high Victorian England it redeems itself.
Mary Benson's story is interesting, born into an early Victorian middle class plus family she was identified as a potential spouse by her cousin at an early age. Groomed (and I use that word carefully) to be a dutiful and obedient wife, Mary realised that this wasn't really what she wanted from life but did not have many options.
Dealing with a highly-strung husband she managed to raise a similarly highly-strung brood of high achievers. Her ambitious husband moved from schoolmaster to Archbishop of Canterbury through influence and intellect. After his death Mary became more adventurous and lived her life as she wanted.
The questions about Mary's sexuality are glossed over - she has lots of close friends with whom she falls in love, she shares a bed with her companion etc. Never is this developed more fully. Similarly her children have 'friends' of the same sex, they socialise with Oscar Wilde etc.
As a biography of a minor character in history this book is fairly pedestrian but as document of middle class life in high Victorian England it redeems itself.
May 9, 2015
I had only previously been aware of E.F. Benson, Mary's son, whose 'Mapp and Lucia' novels I love. This biography brought to my attention the rest of the family, who were, perhaps, equally well known in their day, but have not stood the test of time quite so well. It is easy to feel sympathy with Mary, whose path through life seems to have been decided for her by her mother and her future husband, long before she was of an age to make decisions for herself, a little less easy to understand quite how she exercised her wit and charm. It was a fascinating read, and would have earned 5 stars, had it not been for the fact that my kindle version ended when I thought I was 75 per cent of the way through, with the rest of the book being taken up by notes and references of which I had been unaware as I was reading.
April 22, 2013
At first I wasn't sure about the breezy style, particularly after reading the more formal The Pinecone by Jenny Uglow, but after a while I came to really enjoy this vivid biography of an unusual Victorian woman.
About half way through it starts to feel more like a potted biography of the Benson family - Mary gets a little bit lost in the muddle - so it feels quite jarring when the book suddenly comes to a stop after her death. I would have liked a bit more on what happened to the remaining Benson siblings.
About half way through it starts to feel more like a potted biography of the Benson family - Mary gets a little bit lost in the muddle - so it feels quite jarring when the book suddenly comes to a stop after her death. I would have liked a bit more on what happened to the remaining Benson siblings.
October 20, 2016
This book was so Victorian I feel in danger of developing consumption! The perfect case against cousins marrying: and such a weird courtship in Mary's childhood was bound to end badly. The book was about the whole Benson family as well as Mary. It did make me laugh a few times but was rather sad, especially towards the end. I am a fan of E. F. Benson's Mapp & Lucia novels so was interested to find out about his background. He was probably the happiest of the six children. Bolt leaves us to draw our own conclusions, from the diaries and letters which he quotes, regarding people's relationships.
February 2, 2016
I love to read of people who go against the age of conformity, especially in the Victorian era. Any one of a lesser class may well have ended in an asylum but because of her wit and intelligence, Mary was an asset to her husband and his vocation. At times, the Victorian sexual repression thrusts itself at you which is, in its way sad but humorous in its righteous and religious zeal. At other times, I was surprised at the liberties Mary enjoyed. A vivacious woman in her youth and an interesting insight into Victorian sexuality and love.
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