Military Brats: Legacies of Childhood Inside the Fortress

by Mary Edwards Wertsch

Examines the long-term psychological effects of growing up in a strictly regimented military family and how such such an upbringing affects daughters and sons differently

Genres: Nonfiction, Military Fiction, History, Memoir, Reference, Historical

452 pages, Hardcover

First published April 23, 1991

Reviews

[southernmyst]

Coming just at this time in my life, this is the hardest book I've ever read. I've cried a lake of tears getting through it because so much of it is, for the very first time in my life, validating my experience.

The author spent 5 years researching this, including interviewing 80 military brats - and, crucially, following up with them in that time. Through snippets from the interviews, plus academic research, the journalist author brings the very, very difficult aspects of this subject to light in a comprehensive and comprehensible way. It's not easy reading, by any stretch of the imagination - but it's readable, and not a dry academic text.

The author's not a psychologist; she's an investigative journalist, from the 1980s/early 1990s, when that meant just what it sounds like, instead of "copies press releases" like it seems to mean today. I'm old enough to remember some of the investigative journalism of the time, so it was with great respect that I proceeded to read the book. She's done an outstanding job - this first book about military brats is a crucial read for any military brat and those who love them, and would also be a great thing for military parents to read, especially those currently active duty.

It's dated at this point, to be sure, and there are a few things the author goes on about that aren't my experience, for which I am quite, quite grateful: Vietnam was over before I was born (although I do finally understand that conflict far better now, after having read this book: it really cleared up a lot of confusion for me); neither of my parents are alcoholics; I only attended 9 schools instead of 20; etc. But we all had high mobility; we all endured repeated losses without any control; we all had the rigid rules governing our every move and word on base - with the attendant threat of ramifications for the whole family if any one of us stepped out of line; we were all taught to believe in democracy and freedom whilst not getting to exercise any of that ourselves; we all have problems reconciling our masculine and feminine sides because of the extremes we saw growing up, and the way the feminine was devalued; we all had to deal with the masks of secrecy, stoicism, and denial. Daughters felt invisible; sons felt too visible. We all learned the excrutiating class differences between the enlisted and officer ranks, one way or another. Most of us felt the shock of racism off base at some point, it being illegal on base. Most of us felt the fear and powerlessness of our military parent(s) being sent into harm's way - and many of us were expected to wear the stoic mask and not have feelings about it. Most of us felt the culture shock of being cast out when we came of age to lose our military ID, into the strange, alien, unkempt land that was civilian world. Certainly for me, even though I'd mostly lived off base, to suddenly be cast adrift without the rock of the military to go to was one of the most unnerving experiences of my life. There were suddenly a raft of things I had to figure out on my own now.

All of these things manifest as a buffet of psychological issues during and after childhood: low self-esteem, perfectionism, difficulty in dealing with male authority figures (or just straight up difficulty with authority), extreme fragility (my own lake of tears), passivity, eating disorders, self-destruction, a masculine-feminine split, control issues, and more.

We develop, to greater or lesser degrees, coping mechanisms to deal with all of this. Pets help. So do cohesive families (surprise, surprise). Some of us develop antennae to discern each other in a crowd (I haven't); we mimic ("accents, dialect, rhythms of speech; an excellent ear for languages; easy comprehension of people who don't speak English well or have have speech impairments; an ability to do impressions that are dead-on"); we can force ourselves to be extroverted; we travel light, in terms of relationships: that is, we don't get too attached to people; we find it easy to say goodbye. Well, some of us develop those things, anyway!

Of course, we don't know how to deal with people long-term, either friend or foe. We don't know how to stick things out. We have a distorted relationship to time; we have a problem with assertiveness versus passitivity, not knowing how much of which to use when; we have a need for order whilst simultaneously having a need to rebel; and we are imbued with strong, strong idealism.

However, in the final chapter, the author gives us a road map, pieced together by following what her interviewees have done, to healing ourselves and living better. She suggests we (1) Dismantle our myths, (2) Heal the wounds, (3) Make peace with our parents (living or dead or absent), and (4) Address the question of belonging - this last being the most fundamental issue of our lives. She illustrates these points, as always, with varied snippets from interviews that really flesh these out and bring them to life, so you can understand her points and how they work in real life.

Highly recommended for the target audience - military brats, civilians who love us, military parents, and civilians who are curious about us (and wish to see us as the multi-faceted creatures we are). Remember, if you are not a brat reading this - this isn't every brat's experience: each brat will have some subset of this, and bits that aren't here. But it's still a very good window on our world.

[Kevin]

Anyone who grew up in the military will appreciate this book. If you were one of those that felt like your experiences were only your own and no one else would understand read this! The book is a non-fiction work comprised of stories and interviews with people who grew up as military brats. My response was to feel that "Omigod! I'm not alone." What I learned from reading this book was to better appreciated some of the advantages growing up in the military afforded me while feeling validated for many of the things it cost me of my childhood. The foreward is by Pat Conroy, one of my favorite writers (The Prince of Tides, Lords of Discipline, etc) who also grew up as a military brat and it is interesting to read his insights and how his experiences affected him as an adult.

[James Malone]

Margaret Mead would have had a field day with us military brats. Imagine her delight at discovering America's lost Tribe, an invisible subculture whose members are scattered all over the globe, who speak a language devoid of accent or dialect, who work in all the professions, who haven't the foggiest notion of where they're from - and yet can find each other in a crowd. All it takes is the overheard comment that” I’m not from anywhere in particular”—that’s brat code.
We are the children of a warrior society, and until now, no one has paid much attention to us. Mary Edwards Wertsch's book, "Military Brats," makes up for it. If you're one of my fellow
brats, if you live with a brat or work with one, this is must reading.
But it's not necessarily uplifting.
Indeed, the book's emotional high point comes early with military brat/author Pat Conroy's eloquent and moving introduction. He imagines that the millions of brats have gathered to parade in front of our fathers in their prime of life, splendid in their full-dress uniforms and medals, "handsome and strong and feared by all the armies of the world. Our fathers would stand at rigid attention. Then they would begin to salute us, one by one, and in that salute. . . they would be thanking their own children, their fine and resourceful children, who were strangers in every town they entered, thanking them for their extraordinary service to their country.. ."
Extraordinary is the right word. To follow our fathers, we became permanent strangers, drifting in and out of communities both military and civilian. Anyone who has ever been the stranger in a new school would probably not want to repeat the experience. But that is what hyper-mobile military brats do as part of a lifestyle.
We readily identify with the lyrics of The Doors' song, "When You Are Strange." As Jim Morrison sang, when you're strange, people never remember your name. He knew his subject well, because the Doors' leader was the son of a career Navy officer.
What makes brats so different, so strange and yet so invisible? This is what Wertsch tries to answer in what is essentially a labor of love that took her five years to research and write.
She interviewed 80 adult sons and daughters of “The Fortress," which she describes as
an insulated system based on conformity, class divisions and strict obedience. Through these interviews, Wertsch has sewn together the threads of a brat subculture.
Like any culture, it has its bright side and dark underside, but in "Military Brats" Wertsch presents a large chunk of our common ground as a No Man's Land. Her portrait is understandable. Wertsch, a journalist, is the daughter of a career Army officer who abused alcohol and his family. She had a tough time growing up and it has been hard for her to make peace with it. Her interviews demonstrate that she has plenty of company who shared her bitter experiences, and it comes as a shock to discover that so many of my peers were the walking wounded of the Cold War.
No doubt about it – growing up inside The Fortress is not a normal childhood. But that's not necessarily bad. My own experiences help me identify with some of the negative themes in this book, but I also remember a lot of good, unusual things like having the high school junior prom on a Paris riverboat, and our English neighbors' adoption of us Malone kids when we lived in London.
It's too bad Wertsch didn't include more of this side, because most of us brats did not grow up in the shadow of alcoholism and abuse. Nor were all of us treated like basic trainees by our fathers.
Even so, this book stirs a long-simmering pot of memories. Since I read it, not a day goes by when I haven't thought about it, and I find myself re-reading parts. I try to come to terms with a small part of my past every day, to take pleasure in it or make peace with it.
The need to make peace is the ultimate irony for those who grew up in a warrior culture,
but making peace is exactly what this book is about. For the sake of Wertsch's courageous and revealing effort I'm willing to overlook her tendency to color us all through her own childhood anguish. She has done her fellow brats a great service by holding up a mirror. Although her mirror may be a little fogged around the edges, it gives us our first real glimpse of the long, strange parade we marched in.
And that means we can at last stop being strangers to ourselves.

[Lietta]

Thoroughly impressive book seemingly meant for one such as I -- military brat in the period between 1952 - mid 1960's, a unique period in the life of children raised in military environment. The author, Mary Wertsch, provided so much richness to the realities we have borne and continue to bear which often times are directly a result of having been raised in military culture. So much of what was shared in this book reading resonated with me so strongly, I was captivated in reading the book while in deep discussions with my husband.

While many characteristic strengths are developed, often times at an intuitive level, having little room or ability or even conscious knowledge to share with others, I know I can attest to having marched through life with just such abilities. Even so, the deep, undefined, even unspoken yearnings travel deep in my tribe of dandelion kids. After some 63 years of wondering why I can relate immediately to different cultures and tribes, yet continue to feel outside of it all, the material in this book goes a long way in detail to explaining that vague feeling of never quite fitting in, perpetually the new kid, not quite belonging to any community in wholeness, feeling capable and able yet not a part of it all.

Identity being a huge issue for me, in trying to find it and lay claim to it. Military children, especially from that era are indeed invisible, and yet our vitality was and is quite real. It is deserving that the children of military adults who have chosen a military way of life are recognized for the sacrifices they have and will make. I have to wonder if my own grandchildren, growing up in a military family in recent Iraq and Afghanistan wars will spend as much of their adult lifetime as I have with the residual effects of being children who grew up; were raised in military life. How might I share my experience with them in productive, useful, positive ways?

First, necessary to take off the cloak of invisibility ingrained into my own military brat life, and speak of the experiences with pride, dignity, nobility, purposefulness. With the book already written, and useful, I see value in obtaining the book for them to read, and looking at other venues, especially in electronics that lend themselves to sharing how it differs for children being raised in military life than it does for their adult parents who have made some deliberate choices in choosing military life.

[Evie53]

A must read for any military brat, especially those from the late 1940’s to early 60’s. So many of those interviewed had an experience of abuse growing up that I was fortunate not to share. Reading of their experience though gave me insight into some of our past friends and neighbors lives. Discovering character traits the lifestyle instilled in so many of us brats has been eye opening. Lots of good food for thought if you’re open to self evaluation and improvement. For myself it explains a lot, good and not so good.

[Mark]

The first half of this book was so wrapped up in the topic of dysfunction within the family -- alcoholism, abuse, neglect -- that I simple couldn't relate to it. The first 17 years of my life, being raised in the military, did not contain any of those elements. Given that perspective, by the time I got to the second half of the book I kept expecting the somewhat-more-relatable material to take a turn to those topics, but mostly they were yet more unrelatable stories.

[Peggy]

This is an excellent book for those of us who were raised in the Fortress. As a USAF military brat, I related very clearly to this writing. It shed a lot of light on the things I have done in my life, the habits I have and much insight on the dysfunction I grew up with and carried into my own life. A must read for anyone who was raised on base!

[Mary]

This was one of the hardest books I’ve read in a long time. My husband is a “military brat” an has many of the characteristics of the brats interviewed in this book. I so wish I’d read it 30+ years ago. As it is, I now have more understanding and compassion for my husband.

[Mari]

This book helped me figure out why I feel so lost sometimes.

[Kim]

this was a great book. it tells it like it was growing up as a Military brat

[cincha]

So insightful! I better understand myself! All my life I thought I was grappling with rejection and it was really wanting to belong!

[Cathryn Conroy]

This is a niche book. The only people who will truly be interested in it and stick with it to the end—it's pretty long (as well as longwinded) at nearly 500 pages—are those who are/were military brats or love someone who is/was a military brat.

If that's not you, skip it.

My mother grew up in the Marine Corps as the daughter of a Marine aviator. Her father (my grandfather) was in the Marines from 1917—12 years before my mother was born in 1929—until his retirement as a four-star general in 1956. She was born at Marine Corps Base Quantico in Virginia and changed schools 22 times before graduating from high school.

I read this book with great interest, hoping to better understand the life she led and how it impacted the grown woman, wife, and mother she became. She was also widowed at age 32, and I hoped this book would help me better understand how she handled the tragic loss of my father and then lived for a short time as a single mother of three little girls before she remarried.

Written by Mary Edwards Wertsch, the book features in-depth interviews with about 80 military brats who were born between 1952 and 1964 as they reflect on what it was like to grow up living on military bases and how that has impacted them psychologically now that they are adults. Some of the stories are heartbreaking, while others are just surprising to someone who has never been a military brat. (Note: Because of the timeframe covered for the interviewees, it was only the fathers who were in the military—none of the mothers.)

Highlights include:
• Military brats grow up in families who wear the masks of secrecy, stoicism, and especially denial. Homes are run with a boot camp mentality and quite often in authoritarian ways.

• Sons and daughters are often treated differently. Even as toddlers, sons are expected to adhere to military discipline and to not be sissies, while daughters are devalued and learn they are essentially invisible, especially when they have authoritarian fathers.

• Children quickly learn how to make friends and leave them, as most in the military move their families at least once a year and sometimes more frequently. For the kids, it's a lonely life. On the other hand, they acquire extraordinary social skills that are useful for a lifetime. Some of these include independence, a willingness to take risks, and the uncanny ability to read people quickly.

• Some of the now-grown-up men and women shared stories of alcoholic parents, as well as physical, emotional, and sexual child abuse by their parents. Child abuse was used as discipline. And in all the cases, what was going on inside the house—no matter how horrific or damaging—could never be shared with anyone outside the house as it would derail the father's military career.

• There is a class chasm in the military that will not be crossed: Enlisted vs. Officers. It's called The Taboo. Children of officers are not allowed to play with or socialize in school with the children of enlisted personnel. Such behavior will actually impact their fathers' careers.

• Because of the age of the military brats interviewed in this book, the Vietnam war was a huge factor in their lives, sometimes creating great conflict within families.

Bonus: The best part of the book is arguably the introduction written by author Pat Conroy, who wrote the novel "The Great Santini," a recounting in fictional form of his own years as a miliary brat and abused child.

Note: If you're reading this on the Kindle, be prepared for frequent formatting errors. Some are minor and easily ignored, while others are major enough that it makes the text confusing.

[Cas]

Holy crap, this book hit me harder than anything I've read in a really long time.
I think civilians have a hard time understanding military life, and I think military brats are not always aware of just how different civilian childhoods are--but this discrepancy is not balanced. "Normal" families are everywhere in the media, so military brats are exposed to that; military brats themselves. . . well, we are almost never represented anywhere. We have *one* famous book (Santini), but beyond that, we're pretty damn invisible. It's not that civilians have no empathy, it's just that they don't even know what to think about, or we never cross their minds. . . so if you're a civilian and want to understand more about this group of people, this is an excellent place to start. And if you're a military brat. . . well, you're going to relate to this book pretty hardcore. It was SO NICE to know that the things I had observed and felt in my childhood were not just things I had made up, and that other people have had similar experiences and observed many of the same things. That was really gratifying to realize. This is an excellent book, albeit emotionally difficult to read.

[Linda]

Unfortunately, the prospective is from an Officer's daughter whose depiction is through rose colored experiences of minimal inconvenience. The perspective from an NCO's daughter where father's rank determines social pecking order could have been discussed with other's experience in order for one who knows nothing of the military family to understand the dynamics and snobbery.

[Candace Cook]

I have gave this book a 3-star rating because the author seems to have had a preconceived notion of military brats that she found other people to attest to. I don't feel that it is reflective of the range of life experiences that brats experienced. Additionally, I found the author's psychoanalytics quite amateurish.
I read this book when it came out originally in the early 1990's, and found it so emotionally upsetting that I had to put it down halfway through. Reading it stirred up so many memories that I could not stop crying. It really hit home. Twenty years later I attempted to read the book again, with the same result. I have just reread the book and actually made it to the end on this third try.
I think the book is outdated at this point, but would probably be a good read for the children of boomer military brats as a way to have a greater understanding of their parents. We military brats share certain personality characteristics that this book describes perfectly.
Boomer military brats were raised by men who had grown up in the depression, fought in WWII, and in many cases survived POW camps (my father). My family did not suffer from alcoholism or drug abuse, and both my parents were warm and loving - but many of the experiences of military brat life left lifetime trauma. We knew there were rules and that they must be obeyed. The military had very little patience for the emotional needs of military families and many of their policies caused enormous stress.
That said I loved my military brat life and would not trade it for a different one. Life was a real adventure living in almost every state and several countries overseas.

[Phil]

Read this book about 25 years ago and have told countless military brats to read it as well. While some of the chapters did not ring true for me, the ones about military brats being chameleons and non-confrontational certainly resonated, loudly and clearly. In fact, I recall thinking that “the author knows me better than I know me” as I read her commentary. Was prompted to write this review after recently mentioning to about the 500th military brat I've encountered over the years that they should read the book. Obviously it made a strong impression on me, and if you grew up on a fenced, secure base alongside hundreds of kids your age while Dad was off protecting America, then I believe you will enjoy this book as well.

[Daphne]

Such a good book, especially for anyone who is or loves a military brat. Not only were the insights fascinating, but the writing was very compelling and readable. I learned a lot and am even prouder of my husband for the way he's overcome many of the challenges of being a Navy brat, while also capitalizing on many of the strengths that experience gave him. Great research, totally fascinating stories and data, and very engaging writing. Excellent!

[DeeDee Porter]

If you are a brat you will find yourself in this book. It is very well written with the true stories of those of us who had the privilege to grow up inside the fortress. While our lives were not easy the pains and heartache are well worth the memories and experiences we had. This book reminds us we were not alone in this lifestyle.

[Ingrid Richardson]

I was knocked over, discovering that I’m not alone with my quirks. I immediately recommended the book to my brother. He and I come from a dysfunctional Army family; I’m still feeling the affects at 83, and I’m sure my children are, too. I am so grateful to Mary Edwards Wertsch.

[Woody Woodbury]

Found this, read it and kept saying that’s me! Well documented book. I think every military brat should read it as well as a few parents.

[Nicole]

Hard to read at times because it hit so close to home. Would be interesting to read a new volume with military brats who grew up in the Fortress post 9/11

[hedgehog]

Dated in parts (the way it talks about sexuality, the major military conflict in the kids' lives being the Vietnam War), and Wertsch's fondness for Jungian psychology is distracting. I confess I eventually skimmed over any passage that started analyzing so-and-so's inherent masculine/feminine traits (yikes). Nonetheless, a fascinating and useful read for the anecdotes pulled together from a bunch of military kids, the author included.

[David Ward]

Military Brats: Legacies of Childhood Inside the Fortress by Mary Edwards Wertsch (Fawcett Columbine 1991) (355.129). Here's a book about another subculture that I never realized existed: the children of military families. Author Mary Edwards Wertsch is the daughter of a career military officer. She refers to the children of career military families as “military brats” or “children of the fortress.” This is a book of interviews with those children, many of whom attended different schools and lived in different houses and cities every year of their lives growing up. Wertsch asserts that these families had many features in common, all of which were passed down to the children: rootlessness, an outsider mentality, absent, abusive (emotionally or physically), or alcohol-addicted parents, and a general feeling of failing to belong in the non-military world. Most importantly, the resultant feelings of rage or hopelessness were never to be spoken of whether inside or outside of the family, thus adding denial to the list of troubles. Pat Conroy, who wrote the Forward to this book, was himself the son of a military aviator and has often referred in print to the abuse he suffered as a child at the hands of his father as a result of growing up in a career military family (see The Great Santini). “The children of the fortress” represent a fascinating subculture but an often tragic one. My rating: 7/10, finished 2/5/16.

[Peggy Best]

Full of insight into the children of the military

I enjoyed reading this book especially since I am writing my story of life as military brat. The author has researched lives of eighty other brats as well as many official sources. she presents an excellent nonfiction book that shows our lives and can help both our civilian friends and us to understand our unique way of life.

[Karen]

While I recognize some of the people and patterns in this book, I found it to be so one-sided that it was barely readable. I kept wanting to argue--yes I knew some of this, but it doesn't reflect my life or the lives of most of my brat friends. The research was there, but only to support a conclusion that had already been drawn.

[Jennifer]

If you ever wanted to know what it was like for military children back in the sixties, this is an excellent book. This was one of the first books to come out describing what happened in the families with "military brats".

[Judy]

This is the best book written about what it is like to grow up in the military. Pat Conroy wrote the introduction and I met him at a book signing and I told him that I couldn't read the intro without crying. He said that he couldn't write it without crying.

[pcb]

This book is MUST reading for any brat...the intro by Pat Conroy is amazing. For more, you can visit http://proudtobeabrat.blogspot.com

[Laura]

Interesting, but of course somewhat dated.

[Elizabeth Lund]

Really good. Of course I wish there was an up to date version, since it was published the year I became a military brat.