Friendship

by Ralph Waldo Emerson

Book by Ralph Waldo Emerson

Genres: Poetry, Philosophy, Nonfiction

Hardcover

First published September 1, 2010

About the author

Ralph Waldo Emerson was born in Boston in 1803. Educated at Harvard and the Cambridge Divinity School, he became a Unitarian minister in 1826 at the Second Church Unitarian. The congregation, with Christian overtones, issued communion, something Emerson refused to do. "Really, it is beyond my comprehension," Emerson once said, when asked by a seminary professor whether he believed in God. (Quoted in 2,000 Years of Freethought edited by Jim Haught.) By 1832, after the untimely death of his first wife, Emerson cut loose from Unitarianism. During a year-long trip to Europe, Emerson became acquainted with such intelligentsia as British writer Thomas Carlyle, and poets Wordsworth and Coleridge. He returned to the United States in 1833, to a life as poet, writer and lecturer. Emerson inspired Transcendentalism, although never adopting the label himself. He rejected traditional ideas of deity in favor of an "Over-Soul" or "Form of Good," ideas which were considered highly heretical. His books include Nature (1836), The American Scholar (1837), Divinity School Address (1838), Essays, 2 vol. (1841, 1844), Nature, Addresses and Lectures (1849), and three volumes of poetry. Margaret Fuller became one of his "disciples," as did Henry David Thoreau.

The best of Emerson's rather wordy writing survives as epigrams, such as the famous: "A foolish consistency is the hobgoblin of little minds, adored by little statesmen and philosophers and divines." Other one- (and two-) liners include: "As men's prayers are a disease of the will, so are their creeds a disease of the intellect" (Self-Reliance, 1841). "The most tedious of all discourses are on the subject of the Supreme Being" (Journal, 1836). "The word miracle, as pronounced by Christian churches, gives a false impression; it is a monster. It is not one with the blowing clover and the falling rain" (Address to Harvard Divinity College, July 15, 1838). He demolished the right wing hypocrites of his era in his essay "Worship": ". . . the louder he talked of his honor, the faster we counted our spoons" (Conduct of Life, 1860). "I hate this shallow Americanism which hopes to get rich by credit, to get knowledge by raps on midnight tables, to learn the economy of the mind by phrenology, or skill without study, or mastery without apprenticeship" (Self-Reliance). "The first and last lesson of religion is, 'The things that are seen are temporal; the things that are not seen are eternal.' It puts an affront upon nature" (English Traits , 1856). "The god of the cannibals will be a cannibal, of the crusaders a crusader, and of the merchants a merchant." (Civilization, 1862). He influenced generations of Americans, from his friend Henry David Thoreau to John Dewey, and in Europe, Friedrich Nietzsche, who takes up such Emersonian themes as power, fate, the uses of poetry and history, and the critique of Christianity. D. 1882.
Ralph Waldo Emerson was his son and Waldo Emerson Forbes, his grandson.

Reviews

[Dr. Appu Sasidharan (Dasfill) · Rating 4 out of 5]

Ralph Waldo Emerson discusses about friendship in this book. He mentions all the foundations of it. In this current age, where many people are more inclined to utilize friendships for personal advantages, this book will help us know more about true friendship.

[Preetam Chatterjee · Rating 4 out of 5]

Emerson had countless aficionadas and cohorts, but few or no friends. Emotionally he was a secluded man who was always profoundly concerned with the lot of his fellow human-beings. He was affectionate and it was never showy.

He begins this essay with a statement of this silent affection – note the beauty and honesty of prose here:

“The emotions of benevolence and complacency contribute to the sweetness of life. As our affections deepen, our intellectual and active powers increase. The jets of affection wake the world young again for us. We love our friends, and we take pleasure in having new friends. But Friendship, like the immortality of the soul, is too good to be believed." We interpret our friendships in an imaginative way. An atmosphere of dreams hovers round the standpoint we assume. We want to appropriate our friends to ourselves. But "all association must be a compromise, and, what is worst, the very flower and aroma of the flower of each of the beautiful natures disappears as they approach each other."

To Emerson, friendship involves love, and love is the essence of God. Then love must be "for the total worth of man." Friendship offers "the sweet sincerity of joy and peace."

One can think aloud before a friend. Every man is sincere to himself because he can speak the truth to himself. It is this sincerity that a friend evokes. The other element is tenderness.

"Friendship may be said to require natures so rare and costly, each so well-tempered and so happily adapted, and withal so circumstanced (for even in that particular, a poet says, love demands that the parties be altogether paired), that its satisfaction can very seldom be assured."

When two persons come together, we presuppose that there is an affinity between them. Magnanimity is another quality required of them. To become friends, they must undergo a long probation. When one received a letter from his friend or gets one from his friend, "it is a spiritual gift, worthy of him to give and of me to receive. It profanes nobody. In these warm lines the heart will trust itself, as it will not to the tongue, and pour out the prophecy of a godlier existence than all the annals of heroism have yet made good."

The laws of friendship are holy. One must be patient to allow this friendship to bear flowers That is, "we must be our own before we can be another's." That ideal friend is a rarity, for he belongs to the world of dreams and fables. But we should aim at it and accordingly cultivate spiritual ties.

One must go in search of friends and then he can have them where he finds them. In this sense friends are like books. Hence, he states: "I will receive from them not what they have but what they are. They shall give me property that which they cannot give, but which emanates from them. But they shall not hold me by any relations less subtle and pure. We will meet as though we met not, and part as though we parted not."

Isn’t it delightful? Please give this essay a try and jot down lines and extracts from here for the next generation to follow.

P.S.: Heaven knows why Goodreads has classified one of the best 'Essays' scripted by Emerson as 'Poetry'!!

[Joanna’s Reading Rainbow · Rating 3 out of 5]

This essay teaches us that, “the only way to have a friend is to be one” (p.48). In order to do this we must be happy for our friend’s happiness as if it were our own. Friendships are not fragile, “they are the solidest thing we know” which is why we must invest in them (p.30). Ralph Waldo Emerson tells us that there are two elements in the composition of friendship: trust and tenderness. First, we can be honest and sincere with our friends. Second, friendships are filled with kindness and love. So be the friend you want to have.

[Jay C · Rating 4 out of 5]

Pretty deep stuff. After reading this, I'm not sure I have any "friends." Not by Emerson's definition or standards anyway. But this is good (again using his definitions) :-)

"I do then with my friends as I do with my books. I would have them where I can find them, but I seldom use them." - Emerson

[Nikhil · Rating 2 out of 5]

This was difficult to read closely. Presenting a dense, heady treatise on the topic of friendship, not assisted in the least by the archaic and formal language, Emerson seems to contradict himself from beginning to end. I am left feeling that I can't at all explain what the central points of this essay are.

[Aaron Milliau · Rating 5 out of 5]

“When they are real, they are not glass threads or frostwork, but the solidest thing we know.”

[Richard Angelus · Rating 4 out of 5]

The book (maybe a booklet? Since it's only 55 pages) is old and sometimes hard to read—old English. But the basic idea of this book is this: the two foundations of friendship are 1) Truth, and 2) Tenderness. And if I can summarize it in one word, it will be - love. Yesterday, I spent time with my good friends, and it confirms that these foundations are right and crucial!

Ralph Waldo, a philosopher, and a poet wrote, "The glory of friendship is not the outstretched hand, nor the kindly smile, nor the joy of companionship; it is the spiritual inspiration that comes to one when you discover that someone else believes in you and is willing to trust you with a friendship." Overall, I think Waldo's ideal friendship is a bit too high and too grandiose. Nevertheless, in today's hyper-connected society, excellent and trustful friends are hard to get. If you have one or two, you're blessed indeed. I thank God for my friends! 😊⚡📖

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[Jasonlylescampbell · Rating 3 out of 5]

Good short read. Emerson says the two foundations of friendship are truth and tenderness. There was much to recommend here, but it is late (for me) so that's all for now.

[Colleen Houck]

I think I would have preferred to read this one than listen to it. The language needed to be studied more in depth. It flies by too fast in an audiobook. I didn't realize it was poetry. There were many beautiful phrases and thoughts. It's interesting to devote so much thought and time to having and being a good friend. I don't think many people take the time to cultivate actual friendships nowadays let alone write poetry in depth on the subject.