Attaching in Adoption Practical Tools for Today`s Parents [HC,2002]

by Deborah D. Gray

Proper attachment is the most fundamental issue in a successful adoption, but what exactly does the term mean? Attaching in Adoption answers that question thoroughly, and it provides solutions to a variety of specific attachment problems. Along with technical explanations of challenges such as self-esteem, childhood grief, and limit-testing, the book includes a tremendous number of personal vignettes illustrating attachment-related situations. Parents who are convinced that only their child has ever behaved a certain way are sure to take comfort in these stories; not only do they include kids from all backgrounds and age groups, but each has an ultimately happy ending. The emotional health of the whole family is also paramount according to the book--with plenty of rest and "alone time," caregivers are more likely to be emotionally available when they are most needed.

Because Attaching in Adoption focuses on special needs, families who are coming together through foster programs, at later ages, or across cultural lines will find it especially helpful. Both psychologically detailed and straightforwardly helpful, it can be of equal benefit to counselors and parents alike. --Jill Lightner

Genres: Adoption, Parenting, Nonfiction, Fostering, Family, Psychology, Social Work

Unknown Binding

First published April 30, 2002

Reviews

[Elizabeth Blake · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book provided many examples of challenges to attachment in adoption. I found these useful for my practice as a pediatric nurse practitioner. I only wish our healthcare system offered enough time to explore more about attachment during a well-child visit. So many children now have times in their life when they change households even if not through adoption. Some are raised by grandparents or step-parents. I think the book makes a good point about the criticality of care in the first year, even the first few months. Thankfully, most children have one consistent parent in these months. In my own adoption, attaching did not occur for me or my adoptive mother, sadly. It was probably her attachment disorder as much as mine. She had a biological child too, and attached well to him. The book could have spent a little more time on attachment problems of the parents, which I think is very common and partly biologically based. The other thing I think the book could have done was included the phases of attachment described in a checklist form, for both the family and caregivers, whether therapists or healthcare providers. Overall, it was a good overview of attachment and ways to help facilitate attachment.

[Katie Kenig · Rating 5 out of 5]

I've read so many adoption books in the last couple of years that they are starting to run together in some respects. They often give the same advice, in different words, and to that degree, this book is not much different from others I have read. And yet, it kept my attention riveted much more so than most of the others.

The reason? Well, I suspect that it's the real-life vignettes that pepper every chapter. It's difficult to imagine, before you are even in these situations, what it might really be like to face the challenges that professionals outline. However, when you're reading the stories of real parents and real children, it hits home in a different way than a list of possible problems and therapies does.

Attaching in Adoption gives a clear, concise outline as to what issues children may face, the different stages of attachment and how children react when attachment bonds are lost during each stage, and how to attach to children in any of those stages, including those who are having attachment difficulties. Some problems are of course exacerbated by additional problems, such as delays in development and/or affects from neglect, abuse and more, and this book also covers those issues, as well as the scary buzzword that throws fear into the hearts of all adoption-hopeful parents, "RAD."

This book was interesting, but I'm afraid I didn't retain as much of the information as I should have. I'm going to read it again once our kids are home, to hopefully absorb the information most pertinent to them in a more thorough manner. Going in and not knowing what issues we're going to face makes it all very overwhelming, but I appreciate that this author sees no situation as "hopeless" and gives practical methods to overcome all attachment obstacles.

[Krista Ehlers · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book is completely awesome for adoptive parents, especially if your child was adopted at age 6 months or older, or if your child has any special circumstances (past abuse, neglect, trauma, etc.). The book is a bit like a textbook, but a very readable one - I did not find the presentation dry, and the material was all compelling. If anything, some of the vignettes (illustrative stories about adoptive children/families) were so compelling as to be heart-wrenching - it is just such a shame what some children have been through! However, every story was wrapped in hope, as the author gives concrete steps of what you can do to help your child in virtually every situation. The first half of the book covers the various problems that may occur related to attachment - what is it, why is it important, and the impact of grief, trauma, cultural change (i.e. international adoption), etc. I felt that these chapters laid an excellent groundwork for the remainder of the book, which covers practical steps for handling the various issues. In fact, throughout the first part of the book, as each issue was described, the author cross-referenced the later chapter which would address that issue. Chapter 8, one of the longest chapters, was particularly helpful. The author covered all phases of child development (from birth through teen years). In each phase, she described the characteristics of that phase, what the parents' role is to help the child through that phase, and what we can do as parents if our child did not get the proper attention (i.e. has an emotional delay) in that area. This is an excellent and thorough coverage of attachment in adoptive families!

[Matt Diephouse · Rating 4 out of 5]

My wife and I are adopting and this was one of the books recommended to us by the adoption agency.

This book made a lot sense to me. Children need healthy, secure attachments with their parents. If they don't, every area of their life will be affected. But adopted children have experience deep loss—often early in life—that affects their natural desire to attach.

Deborah Gray presents a lot of information about ways that you can promote attachment with your children. It provided a helpful picture of ways that children might try to avoid attachment and ways to respond.

This is definitely a book that we'll refer back to.

[Gwen · Rating 5 out of 5]

A great balance of parenting philosophy and practical strategies for parenting kids from trauma. I loved the very detailed breakdown of each stage of attachment, what to look for as a child "graduates" from that stage and parenting techniques to help get them there. I might just have to buy this one at some point... And I almost never purchase books.

[Zahreen · Rating 4 out of 5]

Super helpful book for prospective adoptive parents as well as current adoptive parents. Just like the title says - practical tools, which we all need. I took so long reading this book because I was taking so many notes. My only issue with the book was the repetition, which I know is helpful for learning, but made the book much longer than it had to be.

[Christie · Rating 3 out of 5]

3.5 - Much like other adoption books I've read, this book can feel extremely overwhelming. It has a lot of really grounded and important information, but also gives examples from the 'worst case scenario' that can feel unhelpful to many adoptive parents. Not the best adoption book I've read, not the worst.

[Roozbeh Daneshvar · Rating 4 out of 5]

For a while I had been looking for a book on attachment, something that I (a general reader) can understand. I finally found this one by Deborah Gray, which is a well-written and solid one. I believe this book would be a good read for foster and adoptive families, although some parts are general enough and could apply to all families.

The book had a large number of book recommendations, that I bring some below:

- Becoming Attached by Robert Karen
- Brothers and Sisters in Adoption, Helping Children Navigate Relationships When New Kids Join the Family by Arleta M. James
- A Child's Journey Through Placement by Vera Fahlberg, M.D.
- Facilitating Developmental Attachment by Daniel A. Hughes
- Growing Up Again, Parenting Ourselves, Parenting Our Children by Jean Illsley Clarke and Connie Dawson
- I Can't Get Over It: A handbook for Trauma Survivors by Aphrodite Matsakis
- Inside Transracial Adoption by Gail Steinberg and Beth Hall
- The Mulberry Bird by Anne Braff Brodzinsky
- Teaching Your Child the Language of Social Success by Marshall Duke, Stephen Nowicki and Elisabeth Martin
- Tell Me A Real Adoption Story by Betty Lifton and Claire Nivola
- Nurturing Adotptions Creating Resilience after Neglect and Trauma by Deborah D. Gray

I am also bringing a set of quotes from this book:

The work of forging attachment after loss is some of the most valuable work accomplished in society. Children who learn healthy attachment go on to be healthy attachment figures for their own children.

Parents must understand that their children are not inferior for having to work through additional tasks during childhood. In comparison to most of their peers, such children will be working harder to enjoy stability and happiness in life.

Children fearing rejection are reluctant to reveal specific “defects” that they think merit rejection. After all, why draw attention to increase the odds of rejection?

Up through five years of age, all children commonly believe that discussing a topic might cause it to occur.

Children who have endured domestic violence or abuse naturally equate power with domination and brutality. The concepts of someone being able to be both big and nurturing do not dovetail for them.

Children are more receptive to talking about grief after realizing that more parental attention fails to eliminate an empty feeling when they are grieving.

Children who mistrust their parents' love often require repeated assurances from parents. It is helpful for parents to try to determine when the child is most feeling mistrustful.

Children with unresolved grief and conflicted loyalty like to negotiate a limited commitment to their family.

Another conflict for this little boy was his fear that his attachment to his new mother might cause her to die as well.

Parents who ignore a child's past issues that are shame-producing are ignoring a time bomb.

Children with overwhelming fear are not simply overindulged. They are miserably frightened.

Children are not inclined to work on building tolerance to fear, unless their control of parents is restricted.

Ultimately, to promote attachment, a great deal of control has to be taken from children. They are told that they are not ready for the level of responsibility in a particular situation.

children control when they feel unsafe.

It is important for parents to notice signs of dissociation. The pupils change size, complexion alters, the body pauses, and heart rate may alter. In a confusing twist, some children smile a fixed smile throughout.

Parents have to wait for children to learn to know and to love them. Children's resistance to love is one of the hardest challenges of parenting these children.

Parents provide limits for children until children have the ability to limit themselves. Limits keep children safe. They also keep respect and needs balanced in a home.

Since people usually pair high structure with low affection in our society, parents may think that it is loving to reduce structure.

Children are so deeply harmed by breaking their attachments that they may not want to attach again.

Secure attachment is a relationship involving intimacy, exclusivity, mutual enjoyment, acceptance, and recognition of the other's feelings.

Research has proven that a parent's sensitivity to her child is an essential attribute in forming secure attachment. Consistency and effectiveness in meeting needs are other critical factors.

As a group, children who are securely attached have the best behavioral control. It is easier for children to maintain self-control when they are feeling well loved and confident in their care. Anxious children have a constant level of distress that works against self-control.

As a form of survival, a child will take on the values and beliefs of the person who is terrifying to them.

Over time, teaching children compassion for themselves during times of vulnerability and empathy for others during times of helplessness, turns the tide on sadistic replays. Security in the family, and compassion from the family, break the power of the trauma bond.

Children do not grieve in the same way that adults do. Since their grief process tends to proceed in stops and starts, it can slip past a parent's attention that their child is grieving.

Children who wished to escape an untenable home life or their inadequate parents will grieve longer. It is always harder to grieve losses that include ambivalent feelings towards the person lost. It is especially hard to sort out losses that include ambivalent feelings towards a parent. Guilt and confusion complicate the process of grief.

When they have lost parents, a major task for children is to find a way to hold onto the positive parts of the parents' identities. In doing so, they regain parts of their own identities. Another major task for these children runs in a parallel way. Children must find ways to distance themselves from the negative parts of their parents' identities.

Grief can be supported by providing the following: information about the loss, assistance in reality testing. Most children want to deny certain things, assistance in talking about their feelings, help in determining what part they played in the loss, (Young children are so egocentric that they are almost always stuck here.) permission and encouragement to share their feelings about the person lost to them, and presence of a consistent adult, whom they trust, supporting their mourning.

Children do not have the emotional strength to grieve alone. They need the reassurance of a sensitive adult who will supply the emotional energy to see them through the grief process.

Children get “stuck” in grief if they lose the adults who are their sources of comfort and emotional energy.

children who are grief-stricken are at risk for bonding and attachment failures with their parents.

Factual information about a loss is an important part of moving through grief. In therapy, it is common to find some denial about certain parts of the loss story. Sometimes if parents are attempting to tell facts, children will perceive this as a loyalty conflict between birthparents and adoptive or foster parents.

If children can manipulate parents, they know that they are themselves in charge, not their parents. This makes them anxious.

Most individuals are about one loss behind in their grieving. As parents face a new loss, they are likely to remember the last loss.

Grief is part of losing attachment figures. When children are moved, grief is a natural result, regardless of the quality of care given by the parent figure. Only when children have grieved their losses are they fully emotionally available for attachment. However, some attachment work is necessary, even with withdrawn children, so that children will go to the parents to grieve and to receive comfort. Children do not grieve with strangers. They grieve with people who are known to them, sensitive to them, and consistently available to them. They derive their emotional support from adults. Typically, children are drawn into attachment, move into grief work, and then rebound in both joy and attachment. Grief is also part of parenting children who have pain in their lives. Parents grieve with their children. Parents also grieve for the loss of their own dreams of how their families would function and how their child would develop. The grief process for the family takes information, time, and support. After parents grieve their losses, they have more energy to find appropriate resources for their child and to make a realistic plan for their family.

The American Psychological Association describes a traumatic event as “an event that is outside the range of usual human experience and that would be markedly distressing to almost anyone.”

About 30 percent of people exposed to traumatic stress go on to develop a chronic condition known as posttraumatic stress disorder, PTSD.

traumatized children will be demonstrating, rather than discussing, their traumatic exposure. Children who have been traumatized may not be able to recall events in a descriptive fashion. Often, however, the memories are stored in what is called behavioral memory

Traumatized children already have more than they can deal with. Reducing outside exposure helps them. Some children are so accustomed to a high level of arousal that they crave constant, excessive stimulation. This is not conducive to healing from trauma.

Trauma triggers are reminders of the trauma that cause an emotional response similar to the one at the time of the trauma.

Unlike their non-traumatized peers who blissfully live in denial, children with exposure to disaster need to believe that they are reasonably insulated from danger.

As children feel sensitivity shown to their needs, they are more likely to show sensitivity to others.

When children have been traumatized, they are afraid almost all the time. This is an important concept to grasp. Fear is the reason that parents need to go back to the basics when dealing with their traumatized children. Forming attachment and strengthening attachment come first in working with frightened children.

Frantic over-activity is a sign to me that a child is preparing for the flight that comes with hyperarousal's fight or flight.

helping children to form a simple story line, with what happened first, second, and third, allows children to move from the beginning to the end of the event. This helps children not to get stuck in the middle of the event.

The children who have not worked on trauma maintain trauma-contaminated core beliefs. These beliefs distort their developmental perspectives of themselves and others.

Parents who do not mind repeating themselves make great candidates for parenting children who have Fetal Alcohol Syndrome and/or Attention Deficit Disorder.

It is important to note that while the other extreme of bipolar is an elevated mood, the mood may not be the expansive, cheerful version, but may be an irritable mania, lacking joy.

Bipolar disorder in adults occurs in about one percent of the population. However, the risk of suicide in bipolar patients is 10-15 percent

Attachment is a relationship and a learned way of relating.

Cues are signals that seem to be hardwired into children's brains. They, in turn, signal back to parents that the children are bonding. It is gratifying to parents to receive the signal. It helps them to form a relationship with the baby or child, which is the essence of attachment.

Most foster children who are moved between families become ill—which gives the new parents a chance to prove their care while the child is more dependent.

When children are close, reach out occasionally and stroke their cheeks. Cheeks are sensitive areas to cue for attachment.

Sometimes children romanticize and dramatize the placement story and their birth parent unduly. Sometimes they think that the birth parent is perpetually crying. That the birthparent did grieve, but may be living a happy life, can be quite a revelation for this concrete-thinking child.

Parents who savor watching their teen's unfolding personalities, and who do not express dismay that they are different from themselves, usually enjoy the teen years.

Continue to keep night rituals. Some years teens will want them, some not. They are very reassuring throughout teen years.

When teens want to talk, they want to talk right then. Keep some walk-in “office hours,” for teens, making parent time easy to obtain.

Most parents are discouraged when their children regress. They wonder if all their hard won progress is gone forever. But regression is not abnormal. Instead it is the expected pattern of progress.

The normal shape of progress for children with trauma and attachment issues is cyclical.

Suicide remains the second most common cause of death for female teens around the world, tuberculosis being the top killer. It is the fourth most common cause of death for male teens, following traffic accidents, tuberculosis, and violence (Jamison, 1999, p. 49).

When children are stuck in a cycle, they may be fighting, but they feel a shamed hopelessness about their situation. Motivating them to try something positive helps them to “turn things around” towards upward growth.

When children are regressing, increase nurture. Usually the fighting or distancing is caused by fear. Parents can help the agitated child to slow down, accept comfort, talk about feelings, or improve his physical state. Gradually, children learn to seek out parents when they are hurting.

The parts of the brain that are linguistic, organizational, and thoughtful are parts of the brain that people shift away from during very emotionally intense states, or when they are accessing traumatic memories (Van der kolk, 1994.)

Sometimes it works well to keep exposing children to an anxiety-producing event until they become de-sensitized. In doing this it is important to make certain that the child is not being re-traumatized. Desensitizing is used when possible so that life is not so restricted.

There is a natural tendency for parents to want to make up to a child for their difficult beginnings. Spoiling children with lack of structure and low expectations merely moves children from one unhealthy end of the continuum—neglect— to the other—overindulgence. Children feel better about themselves when they are contributing to their families and when they are learning to be considerate of others. When paired with nurture, structure prevents overindulgence and keeps things civil and pleasant. Use structure.

Increased pressure from adding a family member will intensify preexisting difficulties in a family.

The more damage that children in a sibling group have sustained, the less likely that one family will be able to meet all of their needs. This is especially true if these children have already undergone a disruption.

Siblings often know each other's trauma triggers, and can intentionally trigger trauma memories. Or, if one child begins to make progress, a sibling may interrupt the progress because of unresolved loyalty issues.

While the bond between the siblings is important, it has to be secondary to each child's opportunity to feel safe, to heal, and to become part of the adopted family.

If parents are acting as respite for each other, the family system is in a deficit position. New energy is needed for energy-draining children. Do not simply cycle childcare tasks between the same tired people. Import energy to meet the needs of the family.

Healthy families master the knack of keeping the accent on the positive. Although the family alters after a challenging placement, they work through grief, re-balance, add resources, and find new ways to make life good. Their identity is not wrapped around a child's trauma or limitations. Instead, they find ways to accommodate special needs, without the special needs becoming the focal point of life.

Having fun together removes family members from the danger zone of taking themselves too seriously.

Skill in building and retaining healthy friendships is highly correlated with future happiness in life—much more so than are academic skills.

A steady percentage of children with ADHD go on to develop a pattern of disregard for the rights or property of others. Slowing children to pick up emotional information helps to curb the drift towards disrespect.

until children are well-attached to their parents, big hugs, lap-sitting, long gazes, and being carried are intimate expressions of love reserved for members of the nuclear family

Recognition that a child is working her hardest takes the emotional charge out of most situations.

[Marjorie · Rating 4 out of 5]

Haven't been reading this cover to cover, but rather flipping to what seem like the most informative sections here & there. So far it seems to have a lot of useful info on helping to build attachment with your adopted child, and the info is organized by the child's emotional development phase, rather than chronological age- which I think is nice since different children can reach different phases of development at very different ages. This book has practical info on what to do to optimize your child's attachment & development, how to recognize issues or problems when they arise, & what to do to best resolve them. What I like most about this book so far though is that the material is presented in a more positive light (no doom & gloom) than some other adoption references I have seen, which is a huge plus.

[C · Rating 1 out of 5]

The author of this book openly advocates for methods that have been classified as child abuse, specifically "holding" therapy as well as the unrecognized "Attachment Disorder" diagnosis and "cycle of attachment" which essentially act as a clinical way of demonizing adopted people who (shocker) don't attach to non-familial caregivers who have been forced into their lives without their consent as a replacement for their natural parents.

From Advocates for Children in Therapy:

"Ultimately, to promote attachment, a great deal of control has to be taken from children." – p. 41

"Natalie and John…have an emotional age of about three and four. In fact, they are six and seven….The rules are: number one, stay close enough that a parent can touch you; and number two, have a good time with your family. We love you!'
John says, 'Why do we have to stay with you? Why can’t we play on our own?'
Dad replies, 'Great question. When you are good at staying close to us, then you will be ready to play on your own for a while. Today, you are not ready….'” -- p. 62

"Therapists will allow children to re-experience some of their conflicts in therapy with a different ending...I pretended to be Chad’s birthmother. I lay down on the couch….Acting as his birthmother, I told him nonchalantly, “I’ll bring strangers to the house at night when I want to. If you don’t want them to hurt you, then take care of it…And get your own food.”...My statement infuriated him." -- p. 83

[Jennifer · Rating 3 out of 5]

Lots of helpful information presented in a dry way - definitely wasn't an easy read, but learned much.

[Diana · Rating 5 out of 5]

Incredible book about adoption and attachment!

[Suzanne Chandler · Rating 5 out of 5]

If you read one book about Attachment, this should be it.

[Kelly · Rating 1 out of 5]

DNF

[Becky · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book is not for the faint of heart, but then again neither is adoption. Jam packed with practicals.

[Sarah · Rating 3 out of 5]

Not the fault of the author but the sceneries
Never really fit our circumstances.

[Vance Gatlin · Rating 5 out of 5]

Packed with a lot of useful information, pulling no punches. It is overwhelming what the kids go through though, causing you to pause and think often.

[Katie Kent · Rating 3 out of 5]

I can't really say I "liked" this book because it is filled with horror stories of adoptions gone wrong, or children who have been so adversely affected by their circumstances that it is difficult to see a positive outcome for them. However, it does open a parents' eyes to what children can be exposed to before adoption, what to expect if children have been adversely affected, and how we can help them in a practical and caring way if we find there are problems with attachment. This was a book recommended by our case worker and I assume many adoptive parents are encouraged to read it - it is one of those books that I hope I will never have use, but will be a helpful resource if we do need it.

[jenna · Rating 5 out of 5]

I'm not even half way thru and I am gaining so many practical tools from this book. It's exciting to find a book that can offer so much valuable and specific information to benefit my clients! It actually makes me optimistic. It is also current, which is refreshing and makes me realize how anyone thinks they can write a psych book or self-help book, but few actually accomplish an impressive and useful work.

On the negatives, it's terribly written! I wonder if Gray even had an editor as some of the phrasing is incredibly ackward. Despite this, I think it would be accessible to professionals and lay folks alike.

[Rivkah · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book provides a good overview of what to expect regarding attachment during each childhood development stage. This should be required reading for every social worker, foster parent and adoptive parent. You will refer to this book repeatedly while raising your children.

I just wish that the social workers that I was working with while I was a foster parent had read this book.

Heck, I wish *I* had read this book while I was a foster parent. It would have helped everyone involved tremendously.

[Dori · Rating 5 out of 5]

My husband and I are planning to adopt internationally and I found Deborah D. Gray's book "Attaching in Adoption" to be a wonderful resource! It's very informative and honest on the topic of attachment. Gray's text covers each stage of the child's attachment from birth up to the end of the teen years. I love how the author includes tasks that are key for each stage and also includes real life case scenarios of children in each of the different stages. We will be buying this one to keep as a parenting reference!

[Cassandra · Rating 4 out of 5]

So far this is my second favorite adoption book; Parenting the Hurt Child by Gregory Peck is my favorite. Attaching in Adoption is a rather deep book, one that will require more than one read. It's not quite as practical as Parenting the Hurt Child but covers more of the "why" behind some children's behavior and attachment difficulties. The two books together give us a great idea of the different issues we could face and some practical suggestions for how to start off on the right foot.

[Colin Bendell · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is the quintessential book for future adoptive parents. A must read - though it will only help to academically understand the issues related to attachment and the risk of RAD.

A personal note, however, there is nothing that will prepare you for the real challenges of attachment with an adopted child. The best hope you can have is that some of the the strategies and instruction from Deborah Gray will stay in the back of your mind when in the thick of things. The first year is always the hardest.

[Sheri · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book was a great review of attachment difficulties that children entering adoptive homes face. It gives a lot of information about different stages of attachment and where children should progress to at each stage. This was helpful information. The emphasis on returning to early childhood activities (rocking, etc.) to fulfill needs was the most helpful portion of this book to me. I thought that my 10-year-old foster-adopt son wouldn't like things like "little piggy." I was wrong.

[James Andersen · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is a well written, comprehensive 5-star book that covers a multitude of adoptive and foster situations, with its writing purposed to address the variety of relationship issues that present themselves when a child leaves one family to join another.

Foster and adopted children clearly experience relationship heartbreak in ways we could never imagine, and this book makes that clear. Thankfully, the author shows us the way to correct such issues.

[Jennifer Bryson · Rating 4 out of 5]

We adopted our daughter (internationally) over a decade ago, and I have returned to this book annually to refresh my memory on what is *normal* for adopted kids. It is well-researched, supportive, and a great reminder that hurt children can heal with the right tools. Although anecdote heavy, the chapters are easy to navigate and focus on what we as caregivers can do to guide children through tough times. Add this book to your toolkit if you are parenting a child with a difficult background.

[Jennifer · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book was recommended by my adoption counselor. It was fantastic! I highly recommend this book to anyone who is adopting. Ms. Gray gives excellent advice on signs to look for of various adoption issues, there are helpful vignettes, and practical advice on how to address various issues.

I finished this book feeling better informed and prepared for adoption.

[Misty · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book was honest and raw, if you are considering adoption this is a good book to read. Adoptions are not for the light of heart and neither is this book. If you can't read about the hard stuff than you certainly will not be able to deal with it when the time comes, this book will help you be prepared.

[Beth · Rating 5 out of 5]

Lots of information that is good to have covered before taking an adoptive placement, and definitely a resource to have on hand to reference in specific cases. She does a great job covering all kinds of adoptive placements (foster, international, etc) and giving examples which helped keep it from feeling too clinical. Very accessible.

[Missy · Rating 4 out of 5]

This was a great general overview of common adoption issues. There are many resources listed throughout and featured in the back of the book. I'll be keeping this copy for future reference. However, I would say that sometimes the language wasn't for the average lay person and seemed aimed at professionals in the adoption field.