Proper Care and Feeding of Marriage

by Laura Schlessinger, Lily Lobianco (Reading)

The long-awaited follow-up to her groundbreaking bestseller, now Dr. Laura focuses on how men and women need to understand and appreciate the uniqueness of masculinity and femininity; what the best ways to relate, caretake, and nurture each other are; and how to bring a marriage back from the brink of disaster.





Jumping off her million-copy bestseller The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands, Dr. Laura asserts that in order to produce and sustain a wonderfully satisfying marriage, spouses must recognize and appreciate the polarity between masculine and feminine. Both husband and wife have power in the relationship, and each needs to realize this in order to ensure personal satisfaction. Using real-life examples from her call-in radio show, and giving real-life solutions, Dr. Laura focuses on the typical mistakes made by men and women in their relationships and shows how marriages can come back from the brink of disaster and divorce.





Read by Lily LoBianco

Genres: Nonfiction, Self Help, Marriage, Relationships, Audiobook, Book Club, Psychology

Audiobook

First published January 1, 2007

About the author

Laura Catherine Schlessinger (born January 16, 1947) is an American talk radio host, socially conservative commentator and author. Her radio program consists mainly of her responses to callers' requests for personal advice and has occasionally featured her short monologues on social and political topics. Her website says that her show "preaches, teaches, and nags about morals, values and ethics".

Reviews

[Shaela · Rating 5 out of 5]

Wonderful!! So great - read it as a couple, a little each night, and discuss it as you go. It was so great. SOme things it was nice to say wow, glad we don't have that problem! And other times we sheepishly admitted to the faults, then discussed how we could improve. It was a great book for helping us communicate better and grow closer as husband and wife.

[Cortney · Rating 1 out of 5]

I want to mentally vomit.

If I could give this book negative stars, I would.

I only read it because of my book club. I already read The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands with another book club and hated that book to pieces so I wasn't thrilled to be reading this one. But, I wanted to fully participate in my book club so I read it.

I was ready to write my review full of all the reasons why I hated this book and can't stand Dr Laura, but I'll refrain.

I need to go wash my brain out now.


PS- I'm not some femi-nazi. I actually agree with some of her views, but her tone is such a turn-off that I can't even read her book without getting angry. She also has a lot of double standards and I just can't stand it.

Oh, and another thing that I just remembered. Dr. Laura seriously needed a better editor. The sentence structure simply did not work in so many places and the typos were blatant. A high school student could have caught them.

[Michael Whennen · Rating 3 out of 5]

A friend of mine commented on Laura

"She is divorced and remarried. Even had an affair with her second husband while he was still married to his first wife. He left his wife and three children to be with her. They lived together for 9 years before legally marrying. She was even estranged from her parents and her sister, so I'm not sure what makes her qualified to write books on relationships"

[Janell · Rating 5 out of 5]

To sum it up, Dr. Laura basically teaches her readers how to "love thy neighbor (spouse) as thyself," and how to own up to and take responsibility for your behavior. I think this book could help bad marriages become good ones, and good marriages become great ones.

[Joseph · Rating 3 out of 5]

I am still reading this book. What I have learned this far is that just about everything that Dr. Laura said not to do in a marriage has been dun to me. What I am talking about is all the criticism and the way that Dr. Laura tells the readers especially the women, if you do not treat your husband for the man that he is, then you won’t get a happy man but an angry boy.
I know that sex is a very important part of any marriage, and to have your spouse come to you and say time after time I don’t want to do this any more and when we were doing it you were the only one who got anything out of it. That is what I was tolled to my face.
I gave up after a while ever trying to have any kind of intimate relationship, because I wasn’t going to have one any more. Reading this book has instilled in me that I am a person of value and I deserve to give as well as receive intimacy.
I recommend that anyone who wants to have what is considered a traditional marriage, and not what a marriage is to be as dictated by the feminist movement since the early seventies. If more people lived life as God intended it to be we wouldn’t have the breakdown in the family structure as it has become.

[Trisha · Rating 5 out of 5]

I loved this book! I feel like if I read a little of this each day, I would always feel so in love with my husband and treat him with love, service and kindness! I recommend this book to men and women. This could change your marriage!

I just read the first chapter in this book the other day because I was having a tough time. It totally changed my attitude, I wrote my husband a nice letter and life was so much better! If you haven't read this, you need to!

[Haley · Rating 4 out of 5]

I came away from this book reflecting on ways I can do better in my marriage and how I can be more selfless. I don't agree 100% of the time with all the examples, stories, and advice, but, for me, there were so many good reminders in her book of ways I can improve. I appreciate that she sees the value in women staying home to care for the children, and I love that she promotes the sanctity of marriage and calls it "the covenant of marriage" throughout the book.

Listened to this one on CD.

[raccoon reader · Rating 3 out of 5]

Okay... where to start.
First, let me say that you NEED to learn about Schlessinger's past before listening/reading her work. She is totally hypocritical as far as I can see. She acts as though she's coming from a place upon high (no errors, no faults). But then HOLY MOLY! when you learn about the affairs, married men, naked pictures, divorces, refusing to talk to her mother/family for decades, etc. it... well... it puts it into perspective what a two faced bitch she really is.

I don't mind people making mistakes and going on to tell people "here, don't make these mistakes." But I prefer them to actually admit and reference their own mistakes as a jumping off point. Not act all "I've never sinned or done wrong in my life".

That said, despite her own dark and scary skeletons she has some good advice (and some bad) in here. She basically says that you can never change any one elses behavior, just your own (true), so in any given situation you must be the one to sacrifice and do the right thing with your spouse, even if you aren't the one necessarily "at blame" because it's not about blame, it's about being kind and loving and being a team (okay, sounds good). But it is delivered to the recipient in a sharp angry white woman way. It really bothered me how mean she sounded. But maybe some of these women need a sharp kick in the butt to get their marriages in gear.

Complaints: she over emphasizes that men are never (if ever) wrong and we women are the cause of most problems. Wow. Just...wow. She also writes this book almost *exclusively* for women who DO NOT WORK. Let me repeat this....almost all of the advice and commentary is made under the assumption that the women are not working. And if you *are* working then you are a selfish bad woman who is greedy, neglectful, and keeping her man from living out his full potential. Um... yeah. She is very clear that women should be at home cleaning and cooking and being domestic and loving centers of their homes, raising children. Even though she has not done this herself... Hypocritical anyone?

I felt at a loss to carry through most of her advice as I work, and therefore cannot do the things she advises non working women to do to take care of their families/husbands/homes. I don't have time for those things.

So to end this review, if you are a christian, stay at home wife/mother then this is the book for you! Otherwise... you might be able to pick up a few swift kick in the butts about certain behaviors about how to improve your marriage, but mostly you'll just end up feeling guilty that you aren't a stay at home wife and mother barely scraping by....this advice coming of course from a Rich, Extremely success driving working mother, who is married to a rich guy, and she certainly never has to worry about being home all day and scraping by.

[Michelle · Rating 5 out of 5]

Anyone who is married, you should read this book. Anyone who's looking to get married, you should read this book. If you have ever heard the word marriage, you should read this book.

I have recently become a big fan of Dr. Laura's. I do not belive everything she has to saw, but I believe a lot of it. Being your husband's girlfriend rather than his nagging wife really resonates in this book. Men are simple....they need affection, sex and good food. Add in fidelity, trust and openness with their wife..you have got it made.

I re-read this often as, like all couples, fall into the "ruts" or the "roller coasters" of life. And the easiest thing to do is to turn your back that the husband as the bad guys....and that just goes on and on. Dr. Laura gives you simple, little things to do to get back on track.

I love this book and highly recommend it. It would make a great engagment gift for all new brides!!

[Nicole · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book and other Dr. Laura books should be a must read for all married and engaged people. For those of you who have seen "Fireproof," (a highly recommended movie) Dr. Laura uses the same sort of theme in all of her books. Love first, love selflessly, and love the way your significant other needs to be loved. The more you focus on the other person (as long as the other person is a good person, not an evil one), the more you will gain in return. Take responsibility for the things you do wrong. Change them - no excuses, no exceptions. I am amazed at how badly so many people treat their spouses without even knowing it! I am also amazed at how many things I have been doing wrong in my relationship. This book has helped me to change and will hopefully continue to help me change for the better.
Please read this book! (Women, read "The Proper Care & Feeding of Husbands")

[Anne Thessen · Rating 1 out of 5]

Schlesinger is very good at demonstrating how far up her ass her head is. I don't know why, but I'm still amazed when people think that just because something works for them that it should therefore work for everyone else. Families, marriage and people are so much more dynamic than what she understands. The book contains a basic message of being loving and patient with your spouse, which is good, but none of the specifics are very useful.

[Teri · Rating 4 out of 5]

I figured i should take time out to finally review a book... (i much prefer to read than write! :>)
reed and i have been working on reading this book for the past couple of years :> and we are only half way through it. but i find it extremely useful.
if you are not familiar with dr. laura, she is a rather brazen media "expert". her approach is intimidating and can seem somewhat heartless, but her principles are quit sound. basically she says there are three things critical to a successful marriage 1) treat your spouse as if you loved them with your last breath (even if you don't feel that way) 2) think hard every day about how to make their life worth living 3) be the kind of person you would want to love,hug come home to and sacrifice for.
we just finished the part about happiness which is always possible. she talks about how we can be our own worst enemies in keeping ourselves from happiness.
i did bristle under some of her recommendations, but i believe it was my own personal pride not wanting to admit my areas of weakness. she really encourages us to be more Christlike without using His name. marriage is hard, she admits, but with enough selflessness and accurate assessment of where we are at, it can be happy.
i like that she spells out what men expect from women and visa versa. what their separate strengths, weaknesses and roles are.
if nothing else, it's a great springboard for some great marital discussions. (hence the reason it has taken us over two years. :>)

[Natacha Pavlov · Rating 4 out of 5]

Although similar in content to “Husbands,” I found them each to be valuable reads. One of the prime reminders in this title surrounds women who ‘don’t feel’ like doing certain things while husbands certainly don’t have that option. Another useful one? Mostly learn to shut up—which should go a long way in minimizing annoying nagging, to say the least! Moreover it's likely to be useful advice for many life situations in general. Cue in some Bible verses as helpful reminders: Psalm 4:4, Proverbs 13:3, 29:11.

Men and women communicate differently; women are verbal (except for me because I'm special...) and men are action, solution-driven and each should do well to remember these points so as not to misunderstand each other. Most of all; the best a wife can do is to give of herself (and as such, should take priority over things like housekeeping, or even your job), so taking care of herself and sharing that with her partner is of the essence. Who knew, right? Mind = (not?) blown =)

I find it commendable that her recommended course of action always varies on the situation, which is namely to keep peace in the family. <3

[Kim R · Rating 1 out of 5]

I find this book oversimplified and shallow. I’ve been happily married to a traditional, strong family-values kind of man for over 25 years. I will agree that intimacy is a high priority to a healthy marriage but I bristle with Dr. Laura’s use of phrases such as “stroking your man’s ego.” She must see women as manipulative tools in a relationship. She seems to have the idea that women hold all the power because they have the keys to the kitchen and the bedroom. Who wouldn’t love to come home to a home cooked meal? There’s nothing gender-specific about that. Do you express appreciation that someone went to such effort for you? Of course you do because that’s called being a good person. Do you appreciate when someone takes the time to go out of their way and do something kind for you? Of course you do. Everyone likes being appreciated and I think expressing appreciation is an important part for a balanced and loving relationship. Feeling and expressing gratitude is good for your own soul. Do I always act like my husband’s dream girl? No; I have not and—that’s because I’m human. And guess what? I’m married to an imperfect human, too. This book will make a woman feel like if she’s not on her “A” game all the time she’s about to drive her man straight out the front door.

[Kelly · Rating 5 out of 5]

I read proper care and feeding of husbands back in 2003 or 2004. It was helpful. I do think it was a little more helpful than this one, but this is still so important to read. I think every woman should read this. Hence the five star rating- I am very selective with those. I believe the woman sets the tone for the relationship (if he’s a normal without addiction and abusive behaviors) with regular guys. They’re pretty simple and easy to get them to treat you like the queen you deserve. I think it’s interesting that women want to be treated like princesses and treat their husbands like crap. It doesn’t work that way. If each will focus on their complementary traits, marriage can and will be a beautiful fulfilling thing. I’m so thankful for my man. Thankful that he acts like a man. And I’m thankful for people like doctor Laura who say things that aren’t in line with popular culture. There would be less divorces and broken families if more women let go of pride and ego and embraced and cherished who they are and who their men are.

[Julie · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book is very similar to another one of her books, The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands. I really enjoyed it, and I would like to own it. I will definitely read it again. These two books remind me what I should be doing to be happy in my relationship whenever I get a bit stuck in a rut. The practical tips can literally bring overnight results, and it all focuses on YOU and what you can do (not changing your partner). Amazingly enough, those small changes that YOU make end up positively affecting your husband and the whole relationship. My training is in Marriage and Family Therapy, and I wholeheartedly agree with everything she says! Now if I could just remember to put it into practice all the time! That's why this book is good to own - you will want to refer back to it often. Try it for yourself!

[Peaceful · Rating 3 out of 5]

I listen to Dr. Laura quite frequently on Sirius XM satellite radio. Although my views conflict considerably with hers, I do appreciate her "common sense" approach to relationships. With that said, I am always entertained, even when she is screaming at folks. I always learn something, even if it's the opposite of what I believe.

Honestly, I was all set to dislike this book, but I'm really enjoying it so far. I'm keeping an open mind. I do, however, wonder what kind of man is married to Dr. Laura. :)

[Kathy · Rating 4 out of 5]

More couples should read or listen to Dr. Laura and incorporate the things she says into their marriage. I'm amazed at how many things she says fall right in line with The Proclamation on the Family. It's amazing how a few small changes can make a big difference.
One line that summed it up pretty well was something like give your husband lots of food, sex and appreciation and he'll be happy. It may not be quite that simple but then again it just might be.

[Melissa · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is a bold, no-excuses style book. She tells it like it is and doesn't allow you to feel sorry for yourself or your mistakes. She gives you the tools to be a better wife and expects you to implement them. I appreciated her honesty and straightforwardness.

[Eli Bowman · Rating 5 out of 5]

Many modern feminists will hate this book, but Dr. Laura seems to have a very thorough understanding of most men, and she elaborates her understanding in very simple and palatable terms.

I recommend this to any couple, married or considering marriage.

[رانيا العمري · Rating 4 out of 5]

"وراء افتقار الكثيرين للسعادة هو أنهم لا يعرفون
حقًا ما هي السعادة."

كتاب تثقيفي للمتزوجين أو المقبلين على الزواج؛ تضع لنا الكاتبة فيه الكثير من المشاكل الزوجية التي واجهت العديد من المتصلين على برنامجها الإذاعي، تقدم فيه حلولًا وأساليب ونصائح توعوية حول شكل الزواج الحقيقي وكيف يحب أن يكون؛ بتصحيح تشوّهاته والشكل المغلوط المتعارف عليه وتبيين حقائقه.

أعجبتني أغلب المشكلات المطروحة إذ نرى الكثير منها في مجتمعاتنا، واستفدت بالقدر الذي أريد والباقي الذي أعرفه من قبل ترسّخ فيّ أكثر، أما بالنسبة للكاتبة فكانت محايدة وهذا ما جعلني أكمل القراءة حقًا.


ما هو الزواج؟ وما هي مشكلاته؟ من يجب أن نكون داخل هذه الدائرة المشتركة؟ وكيف نعتني حقًا بالشريك؟
كتاب تأسيسي للعلاقات الناضجة والصحيّة، بإمكانك البدء به!

[Kristen Rajski · Rating 3 out of 5]

I prefer the “husband” book. So much about being a stay at home spouse I almost stopped reading. Good take-aways but annoying at times

[Nikki Keating · Rating 4 out of 5]

This was a common sense book but good reminder for each spouse to give 60% in a marriage. Be kind instead of selfish. It’s pretty good advice for any relationship:)

[Jamie Meyer · Rating 1 out of 5]

I have to be honest, I absolutely hated this book! I had to make myself finish it so I could give a complete review, and after having finished it, not only would I not recommend it, I would strongly encourage people to not ever read it. I’m telling you, I have very strong feelings about it!

The author, though a woman herself, genuinely seems to hate women! According to her, most problems in marriage are due to the woman not doing what the man needs, having too high of expectations, or trying to treat her husband like one of her girlfriends and talk to him about things he has no interest in (like her life). And if it’s not the wife’s fault for wrecking the relationship, it’s his mothers fault for not raising him like she should have. Either way, the woman is almost always to blame.

The way she talks about men isn’t much better, although you can tell through the way she talks that she definitely prefers men. In her eyes, men seem to be fairly ignorant and simple minded and aren’t good for much more than work and sex. He needs sex all the time, and works during the day so can’t be bothered by doing anything at home for the family or having a conversation with his wife. His brain just can’t handle it.

She does not, hardly at all, refer to men and women as “husband” or “wife”, they are instead “her man” and “his woman” which bothered me at first, and by the end of the book I couldn’t stand.

Although this book is written under the guise of speaking to men and women about things they can do to improve their relationship, it seemed like a ploy to beat women over the head in each chapter with how awful they are and how it’s no wonder men cheat and leave them all the time. The entire book felt so one sided.

I could write quote after quote from the book for each of these points but this review is already long enough. Basically, bottom line, this is the worst marriage book I have ever read and could be very destructive to your relationship when put into practice. I recommend you stay far FAR away from it!!

[Kristina Brownell · Rating 4 out of 5]

I wish I owned this book. It has lots of practical advice and great examples of putting that advice into practice. It's basically a lesson in learning to be less selfish in our relationships. She has so many stories that illustrate her points and that makes it entertaining. I didn't really learn anything that I didn't know before, but it is always good to be reminded and recommit to being my best. I have never read any of Dr. Laura's books (or listened to her radio show) and I did find a few of her opinions a bit too extreme. I am just a super moderate person by nature. 95% of what she says is perfect, though.

The Proper Care and Feeding of Marriage is worth every minute that you spend reading it. Practical advice with overnight results....along with specific examples that you will see yourself in. In the end, it leaves you with a sense of power-that in controlling and changing yourself, you will positively impact your marriage. Common sense, right? I really appreciated the reminder.

[David Gee · Rating 4 out of 5]

I've heard of Dr Laura before but didn't know much about her or her style of counseling before listening to this audiobook. I liked her firm focus on fundamentals for good relationships and marriage, some of which are very out of vogue today including personal responsibility, forgiveness, service, selfless love, and commitment. Her recognition and appreciation of God's role in strengthening marriage was refreshing; she acknowledged it often in appropriate contexts without being preachy. She came down a bit heavy and broadly on the Women's Liberation movement but usually accurately called out negative aspects while also noting the importance and positive outcomes of true equality.

[JoDee · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book is must read for all women and men too! Some women will look at this book as demeaning and one sided in favor of men. But it is the same concept as the "golden rule". If you want love and respect then you give love and respect. Yes, and most often you must give it first and even at times you think your husband should give it first. Men are quite simple. They just need to know their wife loves them and not by words but by action. Your relationship will definitely improve after reading this book and putting it into action.

[Heather · Rating 3 out of 5]

I get that Dr. Laura is not everyone’s cup of tea. She has very traditional opinions and counsels as such. I can see where she might be offensive to some & turn people off with her tone but if you can read this with an open mind and honest view of yourself and the part you play as a spouse, there are lots of bits of good advice in there. It can be a slap in the face but also one that might do some good. I don’t feel she’s right about everything, but she does have lots of experience to share and I find a lot of it to be helpful.

[Brad Boyce · Rating 3 out of 5]

I really like Dr. Laura the author and not the radio show host. She drives me crazy on radio, but she is pro-marriage, mother in the home, adamant about the differences between man and woman, that it is a blessing. Talks of giving and serving your spouse even when you don't feel like it. Overall, good things to consider.

[Elizabeth · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book gives some practical advice for maintaining a positive marriage and home atmosphere. It focuses more on traditional roles of husband and wife, which is fine. However, I would have liked to see some other advice for roles that are reversed (i.e. working wife, stay-home dad). Overall, I would recommend it to others.