Things I Shouldn't Think

by Janet Ruth Young

A Simon & Schuster eBook

Genres: Young Adult, Realistic Fiction, Mental Health, Contemporary, Fiction, Psychology, Mental Illness

352 pages, Kindle Edition

First published July 26, 2011

About the author

Janet Ruth Young graduated from Salem State College and from the creative writing program at Boston University. She was a co-editor of the literary magazine stet and a founder of Writers' Circle, the writing workshop at the Cambridge Women's Center. Janet has published three novels with Atheneum Books for Young Readers, a division of Simon & Schuster.

The Opposite of Music (2007), about a teen boy who attempts to save his father from a life-threatening depression, won the PEN New England Discovery Award and was a Book Sense Pick, a Borders Original Voices selection, and an American Library Association Best Books for Young Adults nominee.

Things I Shouldn't Think (paperback edition 2012), about a babysitter who has thoughts of harming the child she cares for, was nominated for a CYBIL and received a starred review in Publishers Weekly. The hardcover was published in 2011 under the title The Babysitter Murders.

My Beautiful Failure (2012) tells the story of a teenage boy who volunteers at a suicide hotline and falls in love with a troubled caller.

An advocate for people with depression and OCD, as well as their families, Janet has given talks and interviews to the Depression and Bipolar Support Alliance, the local chapter of the National Alliance on Mental Illness, the podcast series Living with OCD, The Jordan Rich Show, The Writer's Block with John Ronan,the Massachusetts Library Association, the Marblehead Festival of the Arts, and many schools, book groups, bookstores, and libraries. She has published an article in the quarterly of the International OCD Foundation, and her books are widely used for bibliotherapy.

For more information, see janetruthyoung.com.

Reviews

[Vinaya · Rating 4 out of 5]

Q: How do you know when you've been reading too many YA paranormals?

Ans: When you read a blurb about a babysitter who's been having disturbing, murderous thoughts, and automatically assume a demon/fallen angel/vampire is telepathically implanting them in her brain!

Yeah, so... no. That's not what this book is about. *embarrassed grin* This is actually a YA contemporary novel about a seventeen year old girl who suddenly finds herself having graphic, disturbingly violent visions of insulting, hurting and even killing the people she loves best. At first, Dani tries to push them away, but as they escalate, her only desire is to get away so she can keep from hurting her loved ones.

The last straw comes when she repeatedly finds herself having visions of stabbing and killing Alex, the sweet little boy she babysits. Having tried, and failed, to communicate her fears to her mom and best friend, Dani finds herself blurting out the truth to Alex's mother, with the result that the frightened woman calls the cops on her and starts a city-wide witch hunt.

I liked the understated, somewhat vernacular way in which the entire story is told, but I can see how this would not be to everyone's taste. Personally, though, I found Dani's plight all the more moving for having been left to my (admittedly excellent) imagination, rather than having it spoon-fed to me in excruciating detail. I really, really liked Dani's character. She's the sort of level-headed, stoic person I most strongly empathize with, and I loved that she had all these awful, awful thoughts in her head, and was so horrified and traumatised by them, but without ever descending into angst. I also loved that throughout the book, Dani's sweetness just shines through so clearly, as does her concern for the people she loves, and her distress at having to hurt them. For example, when Gordy finds her in the woods after she's run away, he just tells her that she's hurting her mom by staying away, and as soon as she realizes the truth of his words, she agrees to return home.

I also thought the support characters were handled very well, with just the right amount of humanity. I like that Dani's eventual return to school wasn't smooth and easy, but that it wasn't pure misery either, since she did have people who understood her plight and supported her,

This story is not highly emotional in the telling, although it has some very complex-yet-subtle undertones. It handles serious, scary issues like mental health problems, and vigilante groups and betrayals by best friends in a factual, almost blasé, style that nevertheless manages to stir the reader's interest and break one's heart, just a little bit. To be honest, I'm not sure I have the words to accurately describe why I liked this book so much, but for some reason, I really, really did. The setting, the subject matter and the characters really appealed to me, and although this book has SEVERE COVER FAIL, I'm glad I read it.

This ARC was provided to me by the publishers for reviewing purposes.

[Melissa · Rating 4 out of 5]

I love books that make me think about real life situations, and The Babysitter Murders is definitely one such book. When people hear information on the news or through their neighbors and friends about someone who committed a crime or possibly even just thought of it, as in the case of Dani Solomon - the main character in this book - we're often quick to judge. We take out the word "alleged" when we speak about it, convicting them before they have a chance to have their day in court. Sometimes police officers share sensitive information with their family members, who tell someone else, who tells someone else, and before we know it, we have people calling for vigilante justice.

In this compelling novel, Janet Ruth Young paints a portrait of a girl with an unusual type of mental illness that is sure to make you think, too.

[Marisa · Rating 2 out of 5]

I wish I liked this book more. I was fairly fascinated by the premise. Dani is an overachieving junior in high school. She's in line to be named as co-captain of the tennis team with her best friend, she's a prominent member of the school's a Capella group, and she babysits four nights a week for a Alex, a five year old boy. Alex's mom is disorganized and Dani often has to buy Alex's dinner with her own money, but she loves him. And Mrs. Alex, a single working mom, really depends on her. Dani's greatest fear is disappointing the people she cares about -- she'd rather be disappointed herself than disappoint someone else.

Which is why it catches Dani completely off guard when she starts having thoughts of killing Alex. She'd never hurt him, she loves him. But when Dani starts to have more and more disturbing thoughts -- about pushing her mom off a ladder, outing her best friend, yelling inappropriate things at the nice old couple across the street, grabbing her choir teacher's testicles, slaughtering the boy she has a crush on -- she starts to worry about her sanity. She tells Alex' mom that she can no longer babysit. When Mrs. Alex presses Dani to reveal her reasons, Dani confesses her thoughts about harming Alex. Alex's mom calls the police, and although Dani is not arrested and has no charges brought against her, word gets out. She's christened "Dani Death," receives death threats, and is literally hunted by a vigilante group.

Like I said, I really like this premise. The story is rife with opportunities for discussion -- mental disorders, personal rights vs. needs (desires/safety/etc.) of the community, the unscrupulous media, unscrupulous law enforcers -- but it's very poorly written. It's on the verge of being preachy, it's clearly written "at" teens by an adult, and the dialogue is terrible.

Take the following quote from a boy who's got a crush on Dani: "This is the worst day of my life and the best. The worst because I've discovered that you care for someone else, and the best because I'm saving your life." This is supposed to be a 17 year old boy, and he says "I've discovered that you care for someone else," instead of "I found out you like Gordy," or "I found out you're seeing Gordy," or any number of more conversational, more 17 year old boy-like things. It would be one thing if this character were just a very well-spoken, composed character, but almost all the characters talk like this. It just doesn't ring true.

[Rachel Star · Rating 4 out of 5]

The Babysitter Murders is one of the best accounts of mental illness in teenagers that I have read this year, so credit must go to the author for working so hard to accurately present the experiences of Dani; Dani's unusual (or perhaps more accurately, under-publicized) form of OCD was brilliantly captured, in my opinion, and never over-dramatised. She may be one of my favourite protagonists of the year; brave, misunderstood and honest. One of the reasons this novel works so well and I scored it so highly is because of the characters; not because they're all perfect, nice people (which they certainly aren't) but because they felt very genuine, and their voices realistic, making The Babysitter Murders feel more and more real and sucking me further into the pages the more I read.

Unfortunately, the third person narration didn't work that well for me at the start, but a couple of chapters in and I managed to get involved in the story enough not to notice it anymore. Similarly, the start is a little slow. But it gets much better, and soon I was so hooked I couldn't stop reading.

The Babysitter Murders is definitely a different read, something that stands out for being brilliantly characterized and really original.

Disclaimer: Many thanks go to S&S for providing this as a free review copy. This has in no way affected my review.

[Kelly Hager · Rating 4 out of 5]

Like many teenage girls, Dani earns her money by babysitting. Unlike many teens, though, Dani has started having disturbing thoughts. She thinks of saying really mean things to her best friend and mom and she sometimes pictures hurting people. Worst (and most often) of all, she pictures killing Alex, the little boy she babysits for.

When I say this, I don't mean she thinks of punishing Alex. She imagines taking a knife and stabbing him to death.

She tries to tell people (her mom and best friend, for example) but she can't express the severity of the thoughts and no one takes her seriously. Finally, she tells the boy's mom...and then all hell breaks loose.

I know that I have had mean thoughts (primarily during arguments or aimed at drivers who cut me off and then drive slowly), but Dani's are unprovoked. It's not that she wants to call her mom names or hit her during an argument. They'll be having a normal conversation and Dani will picture saying hideous things to her mom or hurting her. She sees herself doing it and imagines the grisly aftermath. The pictures in her mind are so vivid that she has to actually doublecheck to make sure that she hasn't actually done or said what she imagines herself saying.

This is an incredibly interesting book, one that I couldn't stop reading. The word I keep coming back to, though, is "unsettling." The only other book I've read that has been this creepy is probably We Need to Talk About Kevin by Lionel Shriver. In fact, this book is almost like that one, only told from Kevin's perspective.

(The difference, obviously, is that Kevin actually does the awful things he thinks about; Dani is completely horrified by them.)

This book is not for everyone. It's completely horrifying in places, and it's not an easy book to read. But it's well worth the effort. Highly recommended.

[PinkAmy loves books, cats and naps · Rating 5 out of 5]

High school junior Dani Solomon has thoughts about hurting the little boy she babysits. She worries she's blurt out that her best friend is lesbian, or that she'll grab her music teacher's crotch. Dani is so worried she'll hurt Alex, when she tries to quit the job she loves, she tells his mother why. Soon the police are involved and Dani, who has never been in trouble a day in her life, becomes a source of rumor, gossip and speculation. And a target for vigilantes.

THINGS I SHOULDN'T THINK is a glimpse into the mind of a teen with OCD with intrusive thoughts as the primary symptom, lighthearted, yet also serious about how rumor and innuendo can snowball into beliefs that represent only a scintilla of the truth. For the first 25% of the book, I thought writer Janet Ruth Young had to be either the worst writer ever published or a creative genius. Written in multiple third person POVs, mostly Dani's THINGS I SHOULDN'T THINK is true to the mindset of a sufferer with OCD. Young should know, she has recovered from a similar OCD condition as Dani. Usually when YA authors write stories about problems they've overcome, they seem to be self-serving without perspective. Young has done a wonderful job making Dani both sympathetic and multidimensional. I'm a child psychologist and a very hard sell when it comes to accuracy and authenticity.

I'm off to download another Janet Ruth Young book to my kindle.

Themes: friendship, mental health, sexual orientation, group-think, gossip, mass-hysteria, OCD, treatment

If you're interested in mental health and contemporary fiction THINGS I SHOULDN'T THINK A CHANCE is a must read. Don't give up if you're confused or perplexed.

[Rebecca · Rating 3 out of 5]

What do you do when you have horrible, inapproptiate thoughts? Should you tell someone? Should these thoughts be treated as done deeds?

Dani is a very believable character. You know/knew her at your own high school. You knew her friends. You knew her classmates. You've read about rumors on the internet spiralling fast out of control(You may have been wrapped up in such a story.) My only quibble was that after the long build up to the "confession," I think the aftermath went a little too fast. I understand the quick ratcheting up of the community hysteria, I read a lot of news and community blogs online, I see it in real life. However, things came to kind of an abrupt stop. The bittersweet, melancholy of the ending was fitting. The story wouldn't have rang so true if the ending had been wrapped up neatly.

I will say that it was well-written and I pretty much read it straight through. That doesn't happen often these days. It would label this book a pretty quick read, easily digestable. The subject matter is a little disturbing, it's supposed to be, but there is very little actual violence in the book and no small children are harmed. There was very little questionable language in the book.

I got this from a S&S egalley posting. It was easily readable on my Kobo.

[D · Rating 5 out of 5]

For the first seventy pages or so the story actually ambled along a bit slowly for my taste. After my first sitting I was wondering when the story would get to the point. For that first chunk that I read, it was just set-up for Dani but it was really schizophrenic. Not in a character sense but in a story sense. The plot was just all over the place and I was left wondering when it would all come together and I'd get to see something that resembled the blurb.

But not long after that the plot rolled over the hill and just kept tumbling down. The second Dani opened her mouth about her thoughts everything just catapulted. I was so engrossed in the plot to the point that I wanted to write an editorial to the paper in the book stating how horrible and sheep-like the townsfolk were for treating Dani the way they did.

I don't think this is a book just about OCD but I think it's about the greater lynch-mob-mentality that people have a tendency of getting. Instead of listening to reason, and seeing sense, people just hop on the bandwagon and convict of their own accord. I was truly frightened for Dani. I honestly didn't know how the story was going to end up with all of the crazy vigilante action going on.

OCD is a disabling disease and it's not always about the germs. I'm glad Young tackled the issue from a different perspective instead of going to a failsafe standard route for OCD. I don't think the kinds of thoughts that Dani has are all that abnormal. I really don't. I don't think we're all latent serial killers or anything but I do think things like murder poke at our deepest morbid curiosity. When we have these thoughts, we tend to just file them away because they are so horrifying. But what if you don't have that kind of control? What if those thoughts take up your day? Starting changing the way you act and your routine? Convince you that you're actually dangerous?

I'm not sure I understand why Dani took the approach she did and told the person she did. It didn't seem like a wise move from any vantage point. I would have liked to have seen a little more of the why behind Dani choosing the person she did to unload upon. It definitely would have cleared up some of my confusion but it definitely exacerbated her problem instead of fixing it. Gotta love those plot bunnies!

The way the story is structured it makes for a really quick read but at the same time the story will suck you in so thoroughly that you'll plow through it anyway. Young wrote it in such a way that Dani was truly sympathetic and despite everything going on around her you were rooting for her. Did she have murderous thoughts? Yes. But nothing is what it seems and you can never listen to rumors.

I loved how the most unexpected people stuck by Dani's side and those that you thought should wavered a bit. It was shocking to see people's real personalities come out in the face of something like this. It's really telling. But it made the story all the richer and realistic. It could happen. Why not? How many people are suffering from OCD on a daily basis? You don't know what anyone's thinking until they tell you. And then what would you do?

Up there in line with A BLUE SO DARK, THE BABYSITTER MURDERS is a poignant look into a mind sick with OCD and a girl's struggle to fix it. You'll get sucked in and go on Dani's bumpy, and frightening, ride with her. You'll want to root for her and hope to whatever god you believe in that she'll turn out okay. You'll probably be disgusted with the way the majority of the townsfolk reacted and maybe you'll feel like me and want to write an editorial to tell them just how crappy they are. It's a book about help and hope and it showcases that if you have the right support system, regardless of what's going on around you, you can make it through. I loved it.

[Savannah (Books With Bite) · Rating 4 out of 5]

For me, as I started this book, it was real easy to fall into the story line. We have a teenage girl, who is overwhelmed by a lot of things. So much so, that she starts to over think things and her thoughts. Dani, has bad thought just like everyone. But these thoughts scare her so much that she just freaked herself out.

It is hard for me to write this review cause I am not sure how to get the right words to describe this book. The story line of this book is simple yet filling. The reader sees Dani the main character deal with her thoughts. I like that Dani took the steps necessary to help her in whatever way possible. She knew her thoughts were wrong, so did she what she thought best.

The best part about this book are the towns people. They overreacted way tooo much! I'm all for being protective of your kids but if there was no harm done, why react that way. They acted like a mobbed just waiting to get their chance at Dani. Even her friends I was shocked with that they acted. We've all have dirty thoughts we can't control. So I was angry that the people reacted so harshly instead of helping they made it worse.

I like this book cause of the great psychological thrillers. It really give a great descriptions of what goes on inside of ones mind and how it explodes once let out.

[Meghann · Rating 1 out of 5]

I love the premise, but I hate the writing. I could barely get through the first chapter before I just gave up. Maybe it's just me, but I hate the author's writing style.

[Danya · Rating 3 out of 5]

This review was for my blog event Psychtember, so it's formatted a little differently than usual, to reflect the mental health theme. I've structured things as though the book is the patient and I'm giving them an assessment. Each axis is an aspect of the book that I'll give my thoughts on (characters, plot, etc.), and the validity score refers to how psychologically accurate I think the book is, with the final diagnosis being my shooting star rating. The rating still reflects my overall view of the book, using my standard rating system.

Patient: The Babysitter Murders by Janet Ruth Young

Assessment:

Axis 1. Characters

Dani's a character you definitely have to sympathize with. She has a type of obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD) that not many people understand, and it alienates her from others when she shares the kinds of thoughts she's having. But she herself is scared of and confused about these thoughts, and so it only makes matters worse that almost everyone else reacts with horror and disgust.

I didn't connect with most of the other characters in the same way. Shelley was, for a large part of the book, the kind of "best friend" who leaves you high and dry when you most need her. She has her own personal sub-plot going on, but it wasn't as compelling to me as Dani's. There are two guys, Gordy and Nathan, who are friendly to Dani, but they're pretty flat characters, never really becoming more than just "nice guys."

I did like Dani's mom, since it was obvious that she wanted to help her daughter but didn't know how. Malcolm and his dad were well-sketched, creepy but believable, and Alex's mom — while infuriating — was also, for the most part, realistic in her behaviour.

Axis 2. Premise/plot

I have to give Janet Ruth Young major points for writing about a type of OCD that is quite common, and yet not well-known or understood by the general public. There need to be more books like The Babysitter Murders out there, to support individuals struggling with these issues, and to better educate their friends/family/acquaintances.

Plot-wise, you will need to take The Babysitter Murders with a grain or two of salt as the reaction to Dani's OCD escalates and becomes a media story. However, the emotion behind the public response rings true. I can certainly see how a confession like Dani's — "I keep having these thoughts about killing Alex" — could stir up a frenzy among ignorant parents in the neighbourhood, who are frightened that Dani is actually dangerous. I also got the impression that Hawthorne is a small town, which gave the "sensational" aspect of the story a bit more believability. And the excerpts from various media — newspapers, a blog, etc. — really added something to the story, making it feel more real.

There was one event I found kind of pointless in terms of building tension and momentum for the storyline. In fact, it just served to delay the rest of the plot. Dani runs away to the woods for a while, but then returns without anything momentous having happened. Plus, her mom doesn't seem quite so frantic as I would have expected given her daughter has just vanished.

The ending seemed somewhat anti-climactic to me, although it's probably a good deal more plausible than the more extreme one I was anticipating. However, I really appreciated the symbolism in the climactic scene; not to give anything away, but there's an interesting kind of mirroring/role reversal going on that really works. I was a bit concerned, though, with how Dani's relationship with Alex wraps up, since it could have ramifications for her progress in getting better.

Axis 3. Writing Style

I had a difficult time getting into the writing style of this book. It's third-person present omniscient POV from what I can tell, which is rather unusual. I'm not a fan of present-tense generally, so this is more just a personal preference, but I did find the perspective was a stumbling block to becoming completely absorbed in the story. It may just be the nature of this POV, but I felt like I was being told a fair bit rather than shown it. That said, the third-person omniscient aspect shed some light on other characters in the novel, while still allowing the reader to understand the protagonist Dani. In particular, it was interesting to see how some of the adults were portrayed — there is no illusion of perfection for many of them, including Dani's mother.

I also thought that some of the OCD elements could have been woven in more smoothly; it sometimes felt like they were mentioned to get the facts across rather than because they were crucial to the storyline or Dani's character.

The dialogue gave me some trouble in terms of authenticity. The teens — Dani and Gordy in particular — often said lines that seemed too mature for their age, resulting in dialogue that came off as stilted and unnatural.

Axis 4. Psychological Accuracy

The Babysitter Murders does an excellent job of sticking to the facts about this kind of OCD. The unnerving thoughts that Dani has fall into some of the common categories — for instance, harming others or engaging in inappropriate sexual behaviour. The compulsions Dani performs to lessen her anxiety make sense with her obsessive thoughts. For instance, Dani will clutch her hands together to reassure herself that she is not going to harm someone else, and touch her lips to check that she has not blurted out anything inappropriate.

I appreciated that The Babysitter Murders demonstrates how people who are well-intentioned may attempt to help an individual with OCD, but end up only enabling them to continue with their obsessions and compulsions. Her mom does this when she locks her door at Dani's request, since in Dani's mind it gives strength to the fear that she will actually hurt her mother.

But what I really loved was seeing the cognitive-behavioural therapy (CBT) that Dani undergoes. I've noticed that of the YA books dealing with mental health issues, not that many of them actually go into detail about treatment. It was such a pleasant surprise to see Dr. Mandel acting very much like a therapist trained in CBT would. She was professional and down-to-earth, not falling prey to stereotypes. Moreover, although the technique Dr. Mandel uses with Dani is unnamed in the book, it's quite obvious that she's getting Dani to practice "exposure and response prevention" — which is exactly what should be done for OCD. (Medication is another possibility, or a combination of the two, but it is not brought up as a potential treatment for Dani. I wondered a bit at this — perhaps it's because she's still quite young, or perhaps her clinical psychologist wanted to try CBT first before referring her to a psychiatrist for medication...but I thought it a little strange the option was never discussed.)

This book also makes very clear the level of ignorance in the general public about this kind of OCD. When the town finds out about Dani's problem, they don't realize it's OCD — some even believe she's a psychopath. Its portrayal of how people react to something they don't understand and don't trust is spot-on.

Validity Score: How psychologically accurate was The Babysitter Murders?



Axis 5. Miscellaneous

The one thing I really wish The Babysitter Murders had done was note the improbability of Dani actually acting on her thoughts. These are unwanted thoughts that are reprehensible to the individual with OCD — hence the need for their compulsions. I understand why this is not mentioned in the therapy, since a key part of the CBT is getting the individual with OCD to accept uncertainty. However, I thought it would have been helpful to have had someone point out to the people of Hawthorne that Dani's OCD does not mean that she poses any more of a threat than the average person (the police do affirm that there is no case there, but that's not quite the same thing.)

Since this kind of OCD in particular is not something the general public is very aware of, it also would have been helpful to have included some basic facts about it at the back of the book, along with resources for seeking help or learning more.

Diagnosis: 3.5 shooting stars. As a portrayal of this type of OCD and the necessary treatment, I'd probably give it much closer to 5 stars, but this is my rating for the story overall.

For more information about OCD generally, see here.

Disclaimer: I received this book for review from the author, for Psychtember.

For the full original version of this review, see my blog, A Tapestry of Words.

[Ashley · Rating 4 out of 5]

Originally reviewed on my blog, Books from Bleh to Basically Amazing.

The Babysitter Murders by Janet Ruth Young is a tough book to read. It's the story of Dani, a young girl who babysits a little boy named Alex, and he is just the cutest thing ever. Alex is such a sweet kid and Dani genuinely loves him and enjoys being a part of his life, even though his mom (who Dani calls Mrs. Alex) takes advantage of Dani and is someone who bothered me from the very beginning of the book. But then some stuff starts to change for Dani and her mind begins to betray her. She finds herself having violent thoughts, vivid imaginings where she will stab Alex with a large kitchen knife.

At first, she tries to just shake off the thoughts but they continue, and the longer they go on, the more vivid and violent they become. Then Dani starts having similar thoughts in other areas of her life, around other people. She imagines saying horrid things to and about her best friend, her mom, doing cruel and horrible things to her new boyfriend, doing embarrassing things to her teachers and more. The thoughts get so vivid and are so strong that she looks around in a panic, desperately trying to determine whether or not it actually happened.

Dani tries talking to both her best friend and her mom about what's happening, but neither are very receptive to Dani and neither are able, or really even willing to offer the help she needs. Awkward conversations and willful ignorance... Finally, not knowing what else to do, Dani confesses her thoughts to Alex's mom, hoping that she will finally stop nagging her to keep babysitting. Immediately, Mrs. Alex goes upstairs and calls the police.

And here is where this book really started to become the mind-changer that it is. This is a book that forced me to reevaluate some of my assumptions and the lines that I've drawn. I have a tendency to view much of my world in black and white. I understand that there is a lot of gray area in the world. I get it. I do. But, I am also willing to admit that I refuse to see a lot of that gray area. Child abuse, rape etc are things that I have a firm black and white view on. So is child endangerment and the rights of a mother to protect her child. BUT, and here is where this book starts to really hit home, the mother in this book, who thought she was doing what was best for her son, did not handle it well. What she ends up doing, by calling the police is opening up a can of worms that is going to change everything and might possibly destroy lives.

One of the police officers who comes to pick up Dani from Mrs. Alex's house is a really great guy. He's concerned about Dani and he takes the time to talk to her, to really figure out what is going on with her and he tells her mom she needs to be seeing a therapist. The other cop however, is the type with a huge chip on his shoulder, the belief that he is better than everyone else, and that the rich kids (Dani) are never actually accountable for their actions. He takes these feelings home with him, and passes them along to his son, a kid at Dani's school. This cop is one of the worst characters in the novel and every single scene with him in it made my skin crawl. He talks to his son about teenage girls in a horribly inappropriate way, discussing their bodies and physical attributes. Talking about a teen girl's bra size when you are 16 is crass but not a big deal. But being 45 and talking about a 16 year old's bra size to your 16 year old son?! Creepy, inappropriate and wrong.

His son, Malcolm takes his dad's opinions about the case (stuff he overhears, because cops are bot supposed to talk about this stuff at all) and he starts spreading news around, targeting Dani, although for a long time he doesn't use her name. This creates a lot of unrest and chaos and it becomes dangerous for Dani. People start making threats and a private vigilante group comes to town to try and 'pick up where the law left off'. This scared me a little bit. While reading this book, you are firmly on Dani's side. It's so obvious that she doesn't want or welcome these thoughts, that she is desperate to get rid of them and beyond terrified that she is somehow going to act on them. But the members of the community don't get to hear that, and by the time anyone might say something about it, they are too far gone to want to listen anymore.

I read this book, and realized that those people might have been me. Not the vigilante group (although, it scared me to realize that in some circumstances, I might have agreed more strongly with them) but with the people in general who believed that she was a monster. Having access to Dani's thoughts changed things for me, made me realize that there are some instances where a black and white view of the world is dangerous and isn't always to be welcomed. It's part of human nature, this tendency to judge before being sure of all our facts and this is a book that makes you really stop to think.

Dani faces such challenges and it's really heartbreaking to watch her. She is terrified. She has no idea what is going on, why her mind suddenly feels like it no longer belongs to her and she is genuinely afraid she is going to hurt someone, and she wants to do whatever it takes to prevent that.

I don't want to really spoil this part for readers, because I think it's important for the reader to discover some of this along with Dani, but as you can gather from the synopsis, Dani finds herself struggling with a mental illness. This is one of the most complete pictures of Dani's particular illness that I've ever read. I graduated with a degree in Psychology and this is a disorder I studied during my undergrad. I get really frustrated when I read a book that paints an incomplete or incorrect picture of a mental illness, but this one was marvelously written. I want to hug the therapist that Dani ends up going to see. I'm still not sure what exactly I want to do with my Psychology degree, but if I were to take it into counseling, that is the type of therapist I hope I could be.

Watching Dani learn to live with her illness, learn to cope with the changes in her life broke my heart at the same time it was so empowering. She is such a fabulous character. I just wanted to hug her for so much of the novel because she really is lost and scared. Your mind is supposed to be the one thing that is fully yours, fully under your control. What are you supposed to do if your mind turns on you, becomes a thing you fear?

The Babysitter Murders is a book that will challenge you and your perceptions, that will help you grow as a person and as a thinker and it's one that is going to tear at your heart. It's also a book that begs discussion, the needs to be talked about. So, if you finish, and you need someone to talk to, you know where to find me.

[Lozza · Rating 3 out of 5]

3☆

So I picked this book up a few years ago at a discount bookshop in a deal "3 books for £5" and the subject intrigued me so I thought it would be worth a go. I decided to finally get around to reading it this year with the challenge marker "A book I own but have never read."

The story focuses on a teenage girl named Dani who babysits for a little boy called Alex. Alex loves Dani, and Dani loves him. (Alex is quite possibly a neglected child).
Dani starts having dark, disturbing thoughts about killing Alex with the big knife in the kitchen, as well as hurting other key players in her life.
Fast becoming overwhelmed, and believing the best way to protect Alex is to tell the truth, Dani confesses her disturbing thoughts to Alex's mom.
Turns out this maybe wasn't the best move to make because Dani soon becomes the centre of a media storm and people are going out of their way to be isolating, or cruel, or try to physically harm Dani.

The book focuses on what it is like to live with OCD, and not the type of OCD that nearly everyone is familar with (washing hands constantly).
As someone who lives with mental health disorders I found it kind of comforting to know that other people do similar things that I do. I also deal with intrusive thoughts, I also have a compulsion with my hands to try and distract myself.
This is the first book I've read that has a character like this that isn't also a super evil villain.

However, I found the writing quite dull in places, and I really disliked the "chapters". I know it was done to show viewpoints changing and to show the pace of thoughts, but a string of chapters that last half a page each just bugged me.

I wish this book had been just a little bit more.

[Evie · Rating 4 out of 5]

Sometimes when a work of fiction tries to tackle an important issue they fail, this book did not.

It discusses an issue of not only mental health but another issue I wish got talked about more and that's how we get involved in other people's lives via the internet. When somethings on the internet we feel that its apart of us too. There are too many stories of people hearing about an event on the news and taking it into their own hands even though they don't have the full story. Stories of interpreted suicide notes where families get harassed because of some stranger's interpretation of why this STRANGER killed himself.

This book really shows how improperly getting involved with an issue you are unfamiliar with can seriously damage a person who's already in a dark place, and I appreciate it being talked about.

[Kerstyn · Rating 3 out of 5]

I'm torn. On the one hand, I think the subject is fascinating. As someone with anxiety and, often, mild intrusive thoughts, there were things in the book I could relate to. What I couldn't relate to was the awful dialogue. The characters didn't sound like real people most of the time, and that took me out of the story too often. It also just didn't feel very realistic after a while. Girlfriend lived in the woods for three days, for pete's sake. She was being stalked and threatened and the police provided no protection. I don't know. I was just constantly having to suspend my disbelief to stay in the story.

TL;DR - good idea, poor execution.

[Dara Shaffer · Rating 4 out of 5]

This was a very good book overall. There were parts that weren't my favorite. Like when Dani's best friend doesn't really accept what was happening to Dani at first. But there were parts that I did like, like when Gordy goes to the woods to where Dani is at and wants to help her and still like likes even after everything that has happened. I would absolutely recommend this book.

[Mary Mittmann · Rating 3 out of 5]

The premise itself was good. The way the author started the book, by making a profile of Dani, was likeable and I thought it was unique enough. The first few chapters were difficult to read, but after that things got smoother.

[Stacymay · Rating 3 out of 5]

Not my taste as far as writing style and the ending was very anti climactic. But I picked this up at the IOCDF conference and thought I’d give it a try. Definitely appreciate there being a book about harm OCD that accurately portrays the person with OCD as a kind and non violent person.

[Mary Sunil · Rating 5 out of 5]

so good i kinda understand the mental illness a wee bit more. also GORDY geez hes the definition of i will love u no matter what. even though some parts were abit yk it was still very well established💯

[Madison · Rating 4 out of 5]

This is a pretty good book, I like that it highlights society's negative interpretations of mental illness and harm OCD and the perspective of an innocent and kind young girl struggling with her thoughts and compulsions.

[Sammi · Rating 3 out of 5]

It was a little quirky and unique, as the content was pretty dark. It was an okay book, not my favorite but it was a typical YAL book.

[Manu Ribxs · Rating 4 out of 5]

really original premise. great writing. very well paced. you really rush through it! the ending felt a bit meh though

[Daisy · Rating 2 out of 5]

I really wanted this to be better.

[ak · Rating 4 out of 5]

Three and a half stars.

Dani Solomon is the perfect teenager. Star of the tennis team, star of the a cappella group at her school. She's popular enough, and has one best friend she can rely on for everything. She's perfectly responsible, too, babysitting her five-year-old neighbor, Alex, while his mother is out at all hours. Alex is her life. So why is it that she can't shake a mental picture of his death--at her own hands? 

Dani's beginning to think she might be dangerous, and the rest of the town heartily agrees. What started as the odd scary thought quickly snowballs into panic. Dani doesn't think she's going to hurt anyone, she certainly doesn't want to hurt anyone. But as the villagers grab their metaphorical torches and pitchforks, it doesn't look much like that's going to matter anymore. How far will fear drive the people of Hawthorne, Massachusetts to protect their children?

I so badly wanted to give The Babysitter Murders four, four and a half stars. I so badly wanted to love this book. But here's the thing: it took me an age to get through it. Why? Because, and there is no way to get around saying this, but the first fifty to seventy pages suck.

I don't mean that the beginning is a little slow; I mean that the first part of the six that make up the book just sucks. The second part isn't so great either. Dani is obnoxious and too perfect. The writing seems cut from cardboard. Mrs. Alex—Alex's mother, real name Cynthia Draper—is irritating. Malcolm, a cop's son, occasional point-of-view character and kid at Dani's school is irritating and equally cardboard. Gordy, crush, romantic subplot and singer in the a capella group is completely flat, though he's nothing compared to the second random romantic-subplot guy, also a singer, also Nathan, whose purpose in the whole thing I never quite discerned. (Was the love triangle supposed to be an important thing? If so, why? The premise is that Dani is believed to be a completely bonkers!) It took me weeks to get through the first fifty pages, to make myself read without feeling like braining myself with my own laptop because Dani was being so pitifully stupid.

And then I read the last two hundred fifty pages in two days. 

The Babysitter Murders gets better. It gets so much better. Those first seventy pages of total suck set up such a platform for the rest of the book to build off on! All those characters that you can't keep straight for the first fifty pages come into play in at least a mildly interesting way at some point in the semi-distant future!

Dani's problem does, eventually, become a real problem. Though I don't agree with how her best friend reacts to the first mention of Dani’s oh-em-gee-I-keep-thinking-I'm-going-to-kill-someone thing, after a while the issue does become something very strange--well after Dani and BFF Shelley start flippin' out and thinking she's crazy, but still. Dani even stops flipping out after a while, which is to say as soon as there are things she should be flipping out over, like angry villagers wanting to burn her at stake! (I'm kidding about the burning at stake. They'd rather shoot her.) Beth, Dani's mother, steps in and adds to the story. Malcolm stops being pathetically irritating and starts being fascinatingly twisted. Gordy becomes more three-dimensional, as well as the other dude, Nathan. Well maybe not Nathan. I'm still not entirely clear why he ended up in the book at all. But Gordy gets that third dimension! He's just a little thin!

The Babysitter Murders is an acquired taste. By which I mean to say it takes ages to get into. The characters don't get better--the reader gets used to it. Eventually it makes sense. Or if it doesn't, well, you've gotten through the crap part anyway. Eventually it gets less annoying that the narrative jumps perspective like an ADD squirrel jumping between bins in the bulk section of Whole Foods. Which isn't to say the author ever stops jumping perspective. Just, it isn't quite so annoying after the fifth or sixth narrator. At least it's not in first person?

So a five-star premise, a four-star execution, and an oh-god-that-was-awful beginning--that averages to 3.5 stars, yes? Math nerds? Sure. Basically, though, read it. The beginning sucks. You will get through it. If you don't like it by page 150, sure, you can set it down. But by that point you're nearly halfway through the book anyway, and who could set down a book that late in the game? See what I did there? Mhm. Now go read. Read it fast. No, really, read quickly, maybe you can glaze over the initial suck!


3 ½ stars

[Jewelianne · Rating 3 out of 5]

So let’s talk about the type of OCD that is represented in this book, commonly referred to as Harm OCD. It’s hard to describe this disorder, because it isn’t well known or understood, even by a lot of mental health professionals. (Believe me, I’ve met them.) Let’s try a thought experiment. What is the worst thing you have ever done in your life? No, I don’t mean eating the last slice of your sister’s birthday cake. I want you to think of something that made you feel really, really guilty, maybe even years later. Or, maybe there isn’t anything all that bad that you remember doing. So then imagine the worst thing that you could possibly do. Take some time to think of something. Got it? Okay, now imagine that you feel like you are on the edge of doing it. Any minute it is going to happen, and you can’t stop it. It’s like a movie you are watching for the second time. You really, really want the ending to be different this time, but you know that it’s not going to be no matter how much you want it. Harm OCD feels kind of like you are watching that movie play in your head, over and over and over again. Everything you have ever held dear is about to be destroyed irrevocably, and there will be no do-overs. Also, it will be completely your fault, because you are a sick, disgusting, worthless human being. And you. Cannot. Stop. It. I bet you’re starting to feel a little nervous reading this, right?

This is a form of an already strange mental health issue that can be very scientifically described as “weird as hell.” It makes a great theme for a novel though. I would even posit that it is an important topic for a novel. Not only is it a relatively unique story device, it is also a little understood (or talked about) form of OCD. Reading a novel like this at the right time has the potential to greatly change a young person’s life for the better. I commend the author for writing this work, especially since she says in the afterword that she suffered from a similar form of the disorder as a young person. I can’t imagine it is easy to write something that is clearly so personal.

All that aside, I don’t think the book is executed as well as it could be. I know it’s not ONLY about OCD, because it’s also an examination of gossip that gets out of control. And maybe it has to be that way. It would be hard to write an entire novel that takes place inside someone’s crazy OCD head. (Note: I’m not saying people who have OCD are crazy, just that the OCD itself is crazy.) I just thought a lot of the “gossip getting out of hand” plot was sort of unrealistic. I also thought some of the character’s reactions were unrealistic. I don’t think that Dani would have confessed her thoughts to the person she did. And even if she DID, I think she would have been way vaguer about it. Remember the thought experiment from earlier? Remember how you were terrified night and day of whatever that awful thing that you thought of was? If you are really having that much anxiety about it, you probably wouldn’t be able to talk about it. Maybe you’d allude to it a little bit, but you probably wouldn’t go into detail. Studies show that most people with OCD take an average of thirteen years to seek help, so I’m not just making this theory up. (Or so I read on the webernet.) I also don’t think that the person she told would have reacted the way that she did. And finally, I don’t think that when the authorities showed up, Dani would have just been all like “Ah good, I’m found out. Take me to see my mother, please.” She would more likely to have been ugly crying on the ground and thinking about running in front of a bus to rid the earth of herself.

Overall, I do think the good outweighs the bad; I just kind of wish the author had handled it a little differently. I think the focus of the story is more on the "witch hunt" aspect than Dani's mental health issues. Obviously the author can write about whatever she wants, but I feel like there are a lot of novels that deal with "witch hunts" and very, very few that deal with lesser known forms of OCD.

As a side note, I didn't technically read this book cover to cover, because I found some parts slow. I did read the vast majority though (including the beginning and end) so I felt like I could write a review without being a tool.

[Jordyn · Rating 4 out of 5]

Dani's been having disturbing thoughts. The seventeen year old girl loves her best friend, her mother, and especially the little boy she babysits (Alex), but lately she's been having thoughts of hurting them -- anything ranging from the most hurtful insults to graphic murder -- and she doesn't know how to stop it. Confessing her unwanted thoughts leads to a media frenzy in her small town as everyone speculates on who the "nanny nutjob" might be and Dani becomes vilified as she tries to simultaneously keep herself safe while figuring out how to stop her thoughts.

This book was sort of terrifying. It's told in a disarming way -- third person present tense -- which distances the reader from Dani but also gives a more objective view of the events. It's a struggle to adjust to this sort of writing, but in the end it works well for the story. Dani is sort of an everygirl character (responsible, good friend, good daughter, good grades), but her terror at the thoughts she's been having is palpable. On more than one occasion she hides kitchen knives from herself just in case.

Let's be clear: Dani doesn't want to hurt anyone. Quite the opposite. These are people she loves and she consciously, actively wants to keep them safe, but she isn't sure how. When she can no longer handle the thoughts on her own she knows that she must do whatever she can to keep Alex, the boy she babysits, safe. This means confessing her horrible thoughts to his mother, who immediately calls the police. What follows is both the public outcry at the fact that Dani isn't arrested, and the private struggle Dani and her mother go through as they find help for her.

This is a very interesting (and scary, quite honestly) book about a very specific type of OCD. It's well-written and the subject matter is so captivating that the book is difficult to put down. However, many of the characters, especially a schoolmate who has a crush on Dani, feel two-dimensional: a little flat, as if their entire character is dictated by the role they play in the book's plot. The dialogue is sometimes a bit forced and cheesy, and the subplot involving Dani's best friend always seems to just take up space; next to Dani's very strange, very huge problems, everything else seems a little silly. All of these flaws only accentuate that, really and truly, this is a book about a premise, a subject matter. Everything -- characters, dialogue, relationships, subplots -- comes secondary to that.

And you know what? It's not bad. While this would really bother me in many books, here the flaws are more than forgivable for the simple fact that, next to Dani's problem, nothing else matters. Though the ending is a little odd, the story stops in the right place, bookending Dani's journey and leaving the reader satisfied with the story. It's a very complete picture of a very different sort of mental illness and it's troubling, difficult, to read. Despite that, this is a book (and a character) that, even in the direst of circumstances, never surrenders to the dark.

[Kelsey · Rating 4 out of 5]

The Babysitter Murders was a complex and intriguing look at OCD and the damage it can cause. Dani’s form of OCD was one I hadn’t heard of before and I’m ashamed to say I always think of obsessively washing your hands or checking locks as OCD, when there are even more serious forms of the illness. This was an impressive novel and it opened my eyes to something I knew little to nothing about.

Seventeen year old Dani is haunted by horrifying images and thoughts and she can’t get them out of her head. The most serious of which is she keeps seeing herself killing Alex, the little boy she babysits. And even though Dani adores Alex and would never want to hurt him, she starts to worry that she may actually kill him. The thoughts and visions are soon taking over and Dani is getting more and more worried, so she does the only thing she can think of to keep Alex safe. She confesses that she has been having these thoughts about killing him. Suddenly Dani is the target of extreme haters and groups who think she is a danger to the children of America and needs to be arrested. Dani’s life will never be the same and she is about to face a hard road; both to recovery and convincing the rest of the world that she really isn’t a bad person.

Dani was a character I liked because she was just so…normal. Except of course for the terrifying thoughts that were haunting her and that she couldn’t escape from. I felt for her because the illness she was dealing with must have been so difficult and she handled it in what she felt was the best way possible. Dani never realized how people would react and that once the truth got out, no one would look at her the same way again. Dani honestly was a sweet and caring teenager and she just had a lot to deal with. She did handle it in the best way she could and luckily she had her mom on her side, as well as a great psychiatrist, and the rest of the secondary characters come in to play big time as the story progresses.

This was a very complex and unique story and I was drawn into Dani’s story and rooting for her throughout. She stayed strong and learned a lot about herself and those around her in the process. There were some interesting sub-plots in the story that added to the overall premise and some twists that kept everything moving.

Overall, The Babysitter Murders was a highly original and complex novel that showed how OCD can impact anyone. Dani was a great main character and I only wanted the best for her. Reading about her struggles, confession, and fight to recover was an intense ride and I applaud Ms. Young for tackling such a unique and under-written about subject (particularly in YA). This story may not be for everyone, but I definitely recommend giving it a try. You will certainly take something away from it!

Overall: 4 out of 5 stars

[Emilie]

What originally drew me to The Babysitter Murders was the premise. I’ve babysat my fair share of young children and never had thoughts about hurting them in any way or form. So I was really interested to read the story and see how it all played out.

Ever since she heard about a father killing his stepdaughter on the news, Dani has had weird thoughts about hurting people she cares about and loves. Scariest thought of all is the one of killing Alex, the little boy she babysits. No matter what Dani does, the thoughts don’t go away and keep spreading to more and more people Dani cares about. Looking for ways to help herself, Dani tries to tell her friends and family but things backfire. Now things spiral out of control and Dani doesn’t know what to do anymore as she starts being the victim of personal attacks when her secrets are revealed to the world. Now Dani doesn’t know what to do anymore and becomes increasingly afraid that her thoughts might become reality.

The story was an interesting one to say the very least. It was one I had never even considered despite how realistic the subject matter is. I have to admit that when I first heard the premise, I was a little worried about what it might entail, especially how far the whole murder aspect of it all would be taken. But it turned out it was really well done and I really enjoyed the story. It was fast-paced and while some aspects of it were predictable, it didn’t make the book any less enjoyable. While I don’t necessarily have an interest in psychology, in this case it really added to the story and made it different from other books of its type.

The way the characters were written left me in a position I don’t normally find myself in when reading a book. For the most part, I would find myself feeling like the people in town did when Dani’s secret came out. I would want things done to ensure my safety and that of those I care about. But at the same time, I would probably do the same thing Dani did if I ever found myself in the same situation as her. To me this says that Janet Ruth Young did a really good job at writing all the different characters in the book. Most characters I liked, but Malcolm I just couldn’t seem to warm to. While I could understand to a certain extent where he was coming from, his actions just really didn’t feel justified.

The Babysitter Murders was a really interesting book, one that was different from most other books. In the future, I will definitely look out for more books of this type.

[Stephanie · Rating 3 out of 5]

3.5/5

Dani has strange, disturbing thoughts and images in her head that she can’t control. When she has visions of killing Alex, the five year old she babysits, her life turns upside down. She fears she will truly hurt him, even though she loves him, and tries to quit her job to protect him. When his mother refuses to let her go, Dani reveals her visions to her. His mom immediately notifies the police, and the information gets leaked to the media. Now, “Dani Death” is threatened and bullied on a daily basis, even having rocks thrown through her window. She decides to run away from home, and now a violent and malicious group of “child protectors” is after her, searching high and low to find her. Dani just wants to know what’s wrong with her, but can she escape and find out?

I loved the premise of this book and eagerly awaited my chance to read it. It sounded deliciously creepy, something I love. I did enjoy the story, but was thrown off quite a bit by the writing style. It was written in third person present tense (I think that’s what it would be called), and this was incredibly awkward to me. An example of this writing style would be something like, “Nancy walks down the street and sees her ex-boyfriend. She feels embarrassed and goes the other way.” This just does not flow with me at all, so I felt distracted the whole time I was reading. I felt that this really detracted from the story.As far as the actual story line though, it was quite intriguing, if a bit over the top. The reactions to Dani’s visions were crazy, especially the child protector group who basically wanted to kill her. I can see that her visions were in fact disturbing, but she was innocent. She didn’t hurt anybody, and didn’t intend to. I can’t see a community reacting the way hers did in real life, but maybe there are some crazy enough people? I’d like to believe that people would be more understanding of mental illness in a case of innocence, but who knows. If she had acted on her visions, that would have been one thing, but this was something entirely different. The big question of this story is: do bad thoughts make someone a bad person? Or do only bad actions make someone a bad person? This idea is SO thought-provoking to me, and I still don’t have an answer.

So, all in all, an interesting and very unique story, with an even better underlying question. I would have enjoyed it better if it had been written in a different style, but it’s still worth the read! Very controversial!

[Melissa · Rating 3 out of 5]

Dani Solomon is talented, beautiful, and comes from a wealthy family. She is a member of the Hawtones, an a cappella group at her high school, and a star player on the school’s tennis team. She loves the little boy she babysits for, Alex. But Dani has a secret. She has thoughts she can’t control. Thoughts of outing her best friend in public, inappropriate thoughts about those around her, but scariest of all are the realistically disturbing images she sees in her mind of herself murdering little Alex. When Alex’s mother won’t let Dani quit babysitting for him, she tells Alex’s mother about her disturbing thoughts setting off a series of events that will put her life in danger and turn the media spotlight on her small town. The town wants justice, and they want to make Dani pay.

First off, let me say that I will be able to sell this book to teens at my library with no problem. It is a story with the juiciest gossip, a persecuted teen, and the most frightening consequences. The teens I know will love this book and want more like them.

Dani is a likable girl with a real problem. She makes a mistake by telling the wrong person about her inappropriate thoughts and that causes the town to go into an uproar. The pacing is spot on and propels you through the novel making this an extremely fast read. There is action and danger that will keep teens on the edge of their seats to know what will happen next. Most importantly, there are people who are good friends to Dani, even after they find out her secret.

On a side note, it has been an incredibly long time since I read a book with third person omniscient narration. It was kind of startling when I first read the book. I felt like an outsider looking in at the story rather than an active participant. It works for this story though, because so much of it depends on the voyeuristic characteristics that Third Person Omniscient narration can give. You can see all parts of the story while they are happening.

Overall this book has a lot of teen appeal and will definitely attract teens. However, it wasn’t one of my favorite books to read this year. Yes, it was an incredibly quick read, and yes it was interesting, but I found the story to be a little over the top. Great sell to teens, but it wasn’t for me.

Cautions for sensitive readers: Some violence and disturbing images.