What To Do When Someone You Love Is Depressed: A Practical, Compassionate, and Helpful Guide for Caregivers

by Mitch Golant, Susan K. Golant

This book is directed toward the caregiver or "strengthened ally" of any of the more than seventeen million Americans who suffer from this common but often misunderstood affliction. Woven throughout are the personal experiences of Mitch Golant, who spent most of his childhood with a mother who was seriously depressed, an experience that not only catapulted him into his work as a clinical psychologist, but also informs this book with a tone of compassionate understanding.

Among the many subjects addressed are:
* the warning signs of serious illness
* how to distinguish between real depression and a normal case of the blues
* how to comfort a depressed person
* how to maintain intimacy and communication
* how to deal with the mental health community
* the most successful forms of treatment
* specific things to do and say that will help
* what to do when someone threatens suicide

Genres: Psychology, Self Help, Mental Health, Nonfiction, Health, Reference, Relationships

208 pages, Paperback

First published January 1, 1997

About the author

Mitch Golant, Ph.D., is a clinical psychologist with a private practice and the vice president of research and development for the Wellness Community-National.

Dr. Golant is widely recognized as a pioneer in the use of information technology in cancer education and support through the delivery of online support groups. He served for 4 years on the Board of Directors for the American Psychosocial Oncology Society.

Reviews

[Lisa · Rating 5 out of 5]

I bought this book for my parents to help them understand my depression and gather some better methods for supporting me. It is really helpful, as it is very informational about all facets of the disorder: what a depressed person experiences, different types of depression, medication, etc. But it's also relatively informal which is important when someone who's reading it doesn't know a lot about the disorder.

One really important important thing about this book is that it gives insight into what a depressed person is thinking and feeling; both about the depression and when depressed. It could go a little bit more indepth in some areas, but all and all it is a fabulous place to start. In one section of this book it actually gives a list of "depressed people's sayings" and the list of responses NOT to give and alternative, better responses. This is really a helpful list, since this is one of the problems that I used to come across during an episode. But it's great because it serves the big purpose of showing people how flaws in their responses sound to those depressed.
This book as been read by my family as well as by my aunt who has been struggling dealing with my uncles depression - it has helped a lot of us get through some pretty tough moments!

[Jennifer · Rating 3 out of 5]

3.5/5

What To Do When Someone You Love Is Depressed by Mitch Golant is a very practical guide to understanding depression and gives the caregiver insight into the mind of someone suffering from a mood disorder. I found the book to offer up some excellent advice, it is not one I plan to buy, but I am definitely glad I read it and would suggest What To DO When Someone You Love Is Depressed to others who live with someone suffering from depression.

[Amanda Sieben · Rating 4 out of 5]

Very thorough in all aspects of treatment and solutions. Not so much new information compared to what I've read previously but a good review and helpful to refocus, which I feel would be beneficial during a harder time.

[Nancy · Rating 3 out of 5]

Not sure how to rate an informative book- it was interesting and a wealth of information was gleaned from it.

[Cynthia · Rating 5 out of 5]

I found this book most simple and helpful. Clear examples of what to do and say.

[Rachel Coyne · Rating 3 out of 5]

Helpful

[Andy Bigley · Rating 4 out of 5]

This was a tough one, not because of length or jargon, but because the subject itself is difficult. I began reading this book to learn about the depression my loved one suffers from: How do I recognize when the depression is speaking? What can I do and what should I do to maximize my help and minimize her distress? How do I protect myself when painful accusations are cast?

I found the answers to all of my questions. Working through depression is a grueling effort for everyone involved. The episode will pass with time but while it’s present each tick of the second hand can seem to last an hour. Losing patience is possible but benefits no one. Fortunately, others have been down this dark path before and have come out of the woods on the far side with brightness and perspective awaiting them. (The author uses his personal experiences with his mother as one such example.) Stay optimistic; there is hope!

I was highly sensitive to everything my loved one was telling me and began to assume blame for issues that weren’t always my fault. Not having control over these issues led to a great amount of distress and hopelessness because I had no way of fixing them. Often these issues had already been dealt with in the past and digging them up in the present provided no opportunity to defend against. Also, arguing about them or casting blame would not have been productive. Learning how to be a strengthened ally allowed me to give my loved one the support she needed and provided me the tools of perspective to protect myself. I felt much better about how I could handle things and also not make her feel worse. Nobody (nobody!) can pull anyone else out of depression—time, psychotherapy, and often medicine are needed. But there is a day when the clouds lift and your loved one is able to be herself again and she will be infinitely grateful for the support and love you’ve given and that makes the long days and weeks seem not so bad.

Finally, the authors speak about healing and growth. Depression is a terrible suffering yet it opens doors for deeper appreciation and commitment. But why do such painful experiences have first to occur? I’ll leave it to you to explore and find out (chapter 13: “Finding a New Normal”).

[Nicole Roccas · Rating 5 out of 5]

Essential reading for anyone who loves someone with depression or a related disorder (anxiety, dysthemia, bipolar, etc.). Particularly useful for spouses, parents, and adult children of depressed parents, and those with loved ones whose depression is chronic or treatment resistant.

What I liked about this book is that it's not full of wishful thinking, nor is it predicated on the idea that once your loved one enters therapy, life returns to normal. The book is the first I have read that appreciates and brings hope and useful trategies to the long-haul struggle of standing by someone with a mood disorder. Note: the first edition of this book was written in the 1990s, so many of the medical discussions are outdated. But the emotional insight and advice here are gold.

[Victoria Myers · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book offers support and guidance for those walking alongside someone facing depression. It’s less in-depth than some of the other titles I've read, but it’s unique in its approach offering family and friends helpful insights on how to respond to loved ones suffering from depression with understanding, patience, and practical support. The book gives readers a framework for offering care without becoming overwhelmed themselves. There are few books on this subject so while I wished it was more in depth it is still worth a read. It provides an introduction for understanding depression and how to help without trying to “fix” it.

[Daiyne · Rating 2 out of 5]

This book was...alright. That's basically the best I can say about it. As someone who has no history/knowledge of what it's like to live with depression, I was hoping this book would give me some sort of insight into how to help my spouse. But instead, all it really did was tell me to take care of myself and not be embarrassed of their depression. So, this book should actually be titled "how to get over it when someone you love is depressed".

[Jennifer Wagner · Rating 4 out of 5]

Even though this is an older book it was easy to read and gave the the tips I was looking for on how to reassure and speak to a loved one, I skipped some parts that weren’t applicable or had already been done, but I thought this was very informative.

[Katie · Rating 4 out of 5]

Another DNF but calling it done since it’s the end of the year. It was very good, and helpful! The depressed person in my life received treatment and is still doing great. But I will keep this one on deck in case I need it for future reference.

[Vincent Lombardo · Rating 5 out of 5]

Fascinating! Very well-written and highly informative.

[Melanie LaBrie · Rating 5 out of 5]

Really helped put others depression in perspective for me.

[Princessadivana · Rating 4 out of 5]

Я не согласна со всеми советами, но что-то для себя вынесла. Может поможет

[Алексей Имаев · Rating 4 out of 5]

Решил посмотреть на депрессию, так сказать, с другой стороны... В этой книге много воды (особенно в начале), но всё же есть чёткие советы по пунктам, которые кажутся разумными.

[Gelly · Rating 5 out of 5]

I guess I have yet to see how helpful this will be, but I have found the phrase lists and the warning signs to be very useful.

[Keisha Bell-Kovacs · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book is helpful for anyone affected by depression, and I’m sure most of us are. It offers practical advice and encouragement, I can’t recommend it more highly.

[Tayah · Rating 2 out of 5]

way to basic, all what i thought would come natural to someone. But maybe not.
I prefer hardcore reading about psychology and socialwork. This is definitily a beginers book, but it is a good one.

[Nicole · Rating 4 out of 5]

*Technically finished this on 1/4/22, but changing to 12/31/21 so it's not counted in 2022 books, as I read most of it in 2021.