EMOTIONAL UNAVAILABILITY.; Recognizing It, Understanding It, and Avoiding Its Trap

by Bryn C. Collins

In this groundbreaking book, psychologist Bryn Collins opens up the discussion about life with an emotionally unavailable person. Using case studies, quizzes, and jargon-free, easy-to-understand concepts, she profiles the most common types of emotionally unavailable partners, then offers the skills you need to change these painful associations. Based on her extensive clinical experience, she offers ways to recognize "toxic types" before you get too deeply involved, and she gives the emotionally unavailable partner techniques that teach how to connect with another person.

Genres: Self Help, Psychology, Relationships, Nonfiction, Mental Health, Personal Growth

Paperback

First published May 1, 1997

Reviews

[Pamela Hamilton · Rating 5 out of 5]

I picked this book up by chance during a visit to Barnes and Noble bookstore in downtown Minneapolis with friends who were visiting from the Phoenix area in the middle of one of our coldest months. Sorry Kathy and Kelly! Emotional Unavailability is truly one of the most helpful, empowering books I have ever read! I loaned my original copy to someone and they didn't return it, so my husband ordered another copy for me. Realizing that I have been involved with emotionally unavailable people most of my life, but I desired change and began to realize that change begins with me! Reading this book has given me some very helpful tools! An interesting caveat is that after reading the book, I read the back cover and discovered that the author actually was living in the very same city as me! I would love to have a face to face discussion with her to share how much the book impacted my life! My take away was that I do not have to live in a world of emotionally unavailable people! I am learning to be more assertive in telling others what I want and how I feel.

[Miranda · Rating 3 out of 5]

~ 3.75 ~
Some good advice in here. Found the Blamer and Poor Me interesting.
Biggest thing to remember: you didn’t break them, so you’re not responsible for fixing them!

[Carol · Rating 4 out of 5]

Easy reading. Not too clinical. Goes into understandable detail as to how to identify personality behaviors in yourself and others and actually gives workable solutions. I really dislike books like this that are supposed to be helpful and yet never go past the identification part of one's issues. I would highly recommend this to anyone who is struggling to validate who they are and need to feel that they have a total right to do so.

[Pamela · Rating 5 out of 5]

If someone stands you up, or is late, or always too busy (who isn"t swamped these days??) - and you just want to get through to them... this book is for you. Do not waste your breath explaining or trying to get through to them. Just stop.

"Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results."

Einstein

Get this book and try a different approach.

[Luzie Olivia]

0/5⭐️
i read about 40 pages and then i gave up. at first i thought “wow this is gonna be the book i need to read” because it sounded so interesting. but the further i read, the more i was annoyed-with the list for example the author wrote about how someone with healthy borders should BE. seriously? writing a LIST about how someone should BE? i was so so shocked and confused for real. i think most people who read this book are not really confident about how they are or how they interact with others/their parents/children so i find it unacceptable to write multiple times what someones personality should basically look like.
sorry a really hard pass for me here!

[Petur · Rating 2 out of 5]

i bought this book when i was 20 after someone described me as emotionally unavailable, and i wanted to find out what that meant. i read it 7 years later just so i could finally get it off my bookshelf, it's really redundant and kind of a drag to read. SPOILER ALERT: if people are dicks and you keep talking to them, you should consult a therapist.

[Savanna · Rating 5 out of 5]

She breaks down the types of unavailable suitors. I found this very helpful in understanding why my previous relationship had ended.

[Jennifer Elbedour · Rating 5 out of 5]

Wow! This book was meant for me. As a “stoic” Minnesotan living in DC, my lack of emotion is often seen as a cold-blooded and vicious attribute, when, I see myself as the emotion “stuffer”, unwilling to dirty the world with my trivial emotions. This book will help me immensely, and while some may see it as simplistic, I appreciated its directness for those of us without deep psychology backgrounds. Thanks Dr. Bryn!

[Stephen M. Theriault · Rating 5 out of 5]

Really cuts to the heart of relationship problems and commitment phobic partners. As with all books and sources which tend to generalize on abstract emotional subjects, one must take the info with the proverbial grain of salt. Analytical types will love this.

[Nasser · Rating 4 out of 5]

The book has some great information about the different types of people and how to identify them. I don't agree with everything she says, but it's a good read if you want to know how to spot emotionally unavailable people. It doesn't offer a lot in terms of how to deal with them.

[Emily St. Amant · Rating 5 out of 5]

It’s a little outdated at this point, but would still absolutely recommend. It covers all the signs of someone being emotionally unavailable and essentially incapable of providing for a partner’s emotional needs more succinctly than any other resource I’ve come across.

[Kissiah · Rating 5 out of 5]

I found this to be one of those, This needed to be required reading in adolescence, books. Seriously. There’s so much insight here, and not just insight into others, but oneself. For the right people, this book can help open many doors to inner growth and change.

[Amanda Dalton · Rating 5 out of 5]

this book will forever change the types of people i have relationships with and my relationship to myself.

[Sarede Switzer · Rating 4 out of 5]

Very good book for creating awareness of relationships that have Emotionally Unavailable components but didn't provide as many solutions as would have liked.

[Danielle]

I was looking at this book thinking it might help me improve. I think it can but it's written more from the standpoint of if you are/have been with an emotionally unavailable person. But it's really interesting to someone who likes to think introspectively about how we are the way we are and the differences between thoughts and feelings.

[Neha Shah]

As I am reading this book, I am surprised how various patterns play in relationships, some I can see have played out in my own life. This book is very insightful and interesting. Although it gets a little dense at times, I still can't wait to get through the whole book.

[Candice · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book is a great reference book for everyone! Learn about relationships while learning about yourself. It's more of a linear thought process but it's right on target...trust me!

[Mel · Rating 4 out of 5]

Everyone needs to read this book. You learn so much about the types of people you need to avoid and forwarned is always forarmed.

[Karen · Rating 2 out of 5]

I felt this book just restated what all the other books on the same topic say about peoples emotions. There is no new insight.

[Brendygirl · Rating 5 out of 5]

It's amazing to see why people behave the way they do, and in understanding this, it helps to not take their behavior personally.

[Samantha · Rating 4 out of 5]

Very easy to understand. An easy read

[Hilz · Rating 5 out of 5]

Effing Fabulous book. So right on the money!

[Kristine Goldberg · Rating 3 out of 5]

I enjoyed reading this book and think that I learned from it.