[What Does Everybody Else Know That I Don't?: Social Skills Help for Adults with Attention Deficit/Hyperactivity Disorder] (By: Michele Novotni) [published: October, 1999]

by Michele Novotni

What does everybody else know that I don't?It's frustrating to know you're making social mistakes when no one tells you exactly what you're doing wrong. They'll roll their eyes and whisper behind your back, but they won't tell you face to face. How can you ever learn the rules if no one teaches you? In this book, psychologist Michele Novotni reveals the "world of social skills" for people with attention deficit/hyperactivity disorder (AD/HD)-honestly but sensitively discussing the secrets of manners, communication, subtext, and interpersonal relationships. The book's reader-friendly format is designed for AD/HD learning styles, answering the questions you're asking in the ways you need. True stories, practical exercises, tips and highlighted chapter summaries will keep you reading.

Genres: Adhd, Nonfiction, Psychology, Self Help, Mental Health, Personal Development, Health

Paperback

First published October 1, 1999

Reviews

[Emily A · Rating 3 out of 5]

While I'm sure this book would be very useful to some people with ADHD or ADHD-I (ADD), I am not one of them.

I personally found it condescending that the book's first chapter outlined a list of social rules that the author learned "in Kindergarten", and then used that list to summarise the book's contents. While it's one thing to fairly note that social skills are rarely taught above grade school level for those who may have "blinked" during those years, it's frustrating as an adult with ADHD-I to be framed by the assumption that my social skills must have stalled aged five in order to feel socially alienated.

There is little advice for nagivating or building emotionally complex relationships - rather, the author's advice for improving social skills assumes the prexistance of S.O.s or friends who will help you. Clearly, the focus is on making a good first impression on acquaintances. Again, I'm sure some people will find this useful. I personally don't.

As perhaps can be expected, the book is out of date with social media and the internet. It discusses snail mail as a regular method of communication. One of my personal ADHD problems is coping with being "constantly online", and combined with an inaccurate/simplistic explanation of time-blindness, I'm not getting any help here.

I do appreciate the description of "blinking" in conversation, despite the frame that people with ADHD must get mad at people "not telling them things", instead of neurotypical people often getting mad at having to repeat themselves when asked to confirm.

[Beth A. · Rating 3 out of 5]

This book’s main theory is that it’s difficult to learn the unwritten rules of social behavior when you’re too distracted to notice subtle social cues. There was some good information in here, but this book is written on a very basic level. In other words I already knew most of the rules and suggestions, even if at times they’re difficult for me to apply.

One thing I did learn, that I haven’t heard of anywhere else, was what Novotni called “blinks and blanks.” Sometimes I’ll be in a conversation, and it’s interesting to me, and I am paying attention, and all of a sudden I’ve missed something. I thought I was the only one. It’s a bit comforting to give this a name and realize it happens to other people too.

[Kelly Ballance · Rating 5 out of 5]

Quick read. The concepts are explained simply, in a memorable manner that made it easy for me to share the knowledge with friends and family (AD/HD and otherwise). Due to the simple-to graspable writing style, I am concerned that folks may not see the information as useful as it truly is. I find that some had a tendency to skip over parts that they felt they mistakenly felt they already had a grasp on.

[Lynn M · Rating 3 out of 5]

I read this book with the realization that I may not have the best self awareness (post a late in life diagnosis). The book made me feel like those with ADD are on the autism spectrum. Perhaps it’s because I’m a female, but while I know I can have problems interrupting conversations I am able to follow social cues, I have friends. Also written before internet and social media, which has changed a lot of things.

[Chanda Norman · Rating 5 out of 5]

Great book for any ADHD person who is trying to improve their social skills.

[Derek · Rating 5 out of 5]

With the growing number of people realizing that they too have ADHD, it is a good idea that everyone at some point should read this book. Like having a cure for cancer, a better understanding of people in this world we share, can greatly improve human relations. Simply being lazy, and exclaiming this person is crazy , dumb, or weird just isn't going to work if we want to continue as a race on this planet. Much of who we are can sadly be controled by emotions not in our power to control. Therefore, having an understanding society, not prone to say things like "being ADHD is no excuse for the way you act", we can edure that which makes us uncomfortable, and move forward in an effort to improve civilization.

[Susie · Rating 5 out of 5]

Awesome! This book explained ME and why I am who I am and all about me. I recommend this to anyone with ADHD, has a child or family member who has it, or may be suspected of having ADHD. Highly recommended for teachers and parents, and even those who work with difficult or somewhat 'different' individuals.

[Beth Shields-Szostak · Rating 4 out of 5]

Read to understand the issues faced by some adults-to-be I know

[Becky · Rating 4 out of 5]

only on part two - but so far very good at pinpointing the areas I need to work on

[Kay Vanatta · Rating 5 out of 5]

an easy read FULL of fantastic ideas and suggestions for everyone! All the things you think everyone should already know... but you don't...