What do you think?
Rate this book
When Men Grieve: Why Men Grieve Differently and How You Can Help
Psychologist Elizabeth Levang, author of Remembering with Love, explains the special ways that men grieve so those who love them can better understand what they're going through.
190 pages, Paperback
First published December 25, 1998
Ratings & Reviews
Friends & Following
Create a free account to discover what your friends think of this book!
Community Reviews
Displaying 1 - 4 of 4 reviews
July 12, 2020
Somewhat helpful, but the information about how men grieve could have been delivered by the various personal stories at the start of each chapter followed by a bulleted list of behaviors. There is a lot of repetition, and most of the advice for the woman that is reading the book assumes she is a wife trying to understand how her husband grieves. There is barely an acknowledgement that other relationships exist. So, for me (30s) worrying about my father (70s) in the wake of my mom/his wife dying, the advice was pretty useless. I still don't really know what to do to help him. If you're a hetero couple that lost a child/other family member this may be helpful, but for daughters/friends/aunts/nieces/cousins/mothers/etc of a grieving man... Supplement with other resources.
December 25, 2018
Really enjoyed the premise of this book, “when” men grief rather than “why”. I appreciated how the author-a psychologist herself-allowed men to frame their own stories of grief. The author uses these stories to share her clinical experience in hope of connecting with the reader. I felt deeply touched by this volume and would recommend it to those grieving, those who know a man grieving, or will work with grieving individuals in general. A solid and appropriate book for all men to read.
August 11, 2023
Pretty darn good book.
November 23, 2024
As a hospice chaplain, I had high hopes for this book. I read as long as I could and got about halfway before I had enough and put it down. It wasn't worth my time to read anymore.
The author constantly compares how men process grief to how women typically process grief, which I think is good. However, without citing any studies or fact-based analyses, she stereotypes men in pretty much every chapter. She fails to recognize that men see losses differently than women do. In fact, it seems she thinks we're less than women because men are more prone to manage our feelings better than women. I assume she thinks we need help grieving because we don't grieve like women do.
Men do grieve. I worked with wounded warriors when I was on active duty and and testify to that fact. My guys lost their arms, legs, ears, eyes, hopes, futures, the ability to father children as well as close friends and co-workers. To activate their feminine side, like it appears this author is calling us to do, doesn't lead to healing. That approach keeps them in a state of victimhood.
I would argue they need to activate their manly side and find healing in the community of other men, especially men who can appreciate their losses, doing things men like to do. I have seen older veterans have a profound effect on my soldiers, sailors, marines and airmen. As I have ministered to dying ministers and church leaders in the context of hospice ministry, I have found the same. These men want to know their work and sacrifice for the Kingdom was worth their efforts. It takes another man who is a minister to come along and affirm their service to the LORD. They no longer see their lives as a loss, but as a gain.
The author definitely has a touching introduction, but that is probably they best part of the book.
The author constantly compares how men process grief to how women typically process grief, which I think is good. However, without citing any studies or fact-based analyses, she stereotypes men in pretty much every chapter. She fails to recognize that men see losses differently than women do. In fact, it seems she thinks we're less than women because men are more prone to manage our feelings better than women. I assume she thinks we need help grieving because we don't grieve like women do.
Men do grieve. I worked with wounded warriors when I was on active duty and and testify to that fact. My guys lost their arms, legs, ears, eyes, hopes, futures, the ability to father children as well as close friends and co-workers. To activate their feminine side, like it appears this author is calling us to do, doesn't lead to healing. That approach keeps them in a state of victimhood.
I would argue they need to activate their manly side and find healing in the community of other men, especially men who can appreciate their losses, doing things men like to do. I have seen older veterans have a profound effect on my soldiers, sailors, marines and airmen. As I have ministered to dying ministers and church leaders in the context of hospice ministry, I have found the same. These men want to know their work and sacrifice for the Kingdom was worth their efforts. It takes another man who is a minister to come along and affirm their service to the LORD. They no longer see their lives as a loss, but as a gain.
The author definitely has a touching introduction, but that is probably they best part of the book.
Displaying 1 - 4 of 4 reviews