Only a Mother Could Love Him: My Life with and Triumph over ADD

by Benjamin Polis

For all parents who have ever cried in despair over their hyperactive, impulsive, and seemingly uncontrollable child; for every teacher who’s ever vented frustration at a student who just won’t pay attention; for every kid who has ever asked himself, Why does everyone hate me?–help is here. Only a Mother Could Love Him is a remarkable look inside the mind of a person with ADD/ADHD. Ben Polis attended six different schools, served over three thousand hours of detention, and drove his family into counseling. But through great determination and the use of self-taught concentration techniques, Ben not only graduated high school but also attended a competitive university.

Ben describes what it’s really like to feel those constant impulses, to get all that medication, to desperately want to be “normal.” In addition, he offers lots of valuable advice to parents, including

• finding what forms of discipline will work–and what will never work
• surviving the daily homework struggle
• medicating or seeking other methods of treatment
• teaching your ADD/ADHD child to read

Only a Mother Could Love Him is a much-needed salve for parents and kids who feel isolated, depressed, and confused. From schoolwork to exercise to drugs, Ben Polis has important insights to share–and a message of hope that will warm the hearts of those suffering the most.

Genres: Nonfiction, Education, Biography, Teaching, Adhd

208 pages, Paperback

First published February 1, 2002

Reviews

[Tracey · Rating 5 out of 5]

For anyone who has a child with ADHD, this book is a godsend. I was flabbergasted from page 1. They were telling my life story! It is truly amazing

[Laurel · Rating 2 out of 5]

The writing style was odd - more like someone chatting, adding in little thoughts here and there as the author thought of them. Wish it could have been organized better. Still, I liked the idea of someone with ADD writing about their personal experiences. My heart broke for this little kid who was so hard to love! I would have liked this book more if it was combined with well thought out and organized advice for helping kids with ADD at different ages.

[Ally · Rating 2 out of 5]

Based on his descriptions of his experiences, it is a great feat that he wrote this book. It is full of personal opinion, but it's almost as if he's claiming to be the ultimate authority on ADHD. It has sparked my interest in ADHD as a learning disability, because he only touches briefly on actual facts and research. The writing makes it clear that he still has a lot of maturing to do. I expect a later revision may really sharpen the language and style.

[Rebecca · Rating 3 out of 5]

As a teacher of a student with severe ADHD, it was really interesting and enlightening to read the students' point of view. This book would be great for parents of children with ADHD to read.

[Lisa · Rating 5 out of 5]

As a mother of a child with ADHD and Aspergers, I highly recommend this book to parents, carers, grandparents & friends alike!

[Renata · Rating 5 out of 5]

Ben Polis spent a large part of his early childhood switching schools and counselors, being bullied by peers, and reprimanded by adults for his aggressive, impulsive and hyperactive behavior - often without thought and bringing harm to himself and those around him. At age 12 he was officially diagnosed with Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD). At age 17 his psychiatrist asked him to write about his life - his impulsive actions, lack of focus, the things he does and the consequences he faces, the topics he likes paying attention to, the activities he enjoys - anything and everything that would serve as a guide for him to look back to and learn from his own behavior. At age 19 Ben self-published this book based on his diary, which became a bestseller in his native Australia. The book has since then been used as a guide for both, individuals dealing with ADHD as well as parents, teachers, counselors, siblings, and friends of those who have ADHD.

This is a book addressing a medical condition, but there is nothing technical about it. Ben acknowledges the many scientific books written by medical experts on the subject. However, reading about the science behind this neurobehavioral condition, the functioning of a "normal" brain versus a disordered brain, the causes, symptoms, and treatment from a medical standpoint does not necessarily help people who are living with the condition every minute of their lives. Reading and studying do not equate to experiencing. And this is where Ben's writings play such an important role in the ADHD community. As Ben says, people like him are not "suffering" from a condition, but "living" with it. And he aims to share his own experiences on how to live a wholesome life when you feel the world is against you. ADHD individuals often act without thinking - a characteristic of the impulsive condition - and consequently face the ire of those around them who dismiss their behaviour as ill manners.

Ben talks about how his parents faced accusations by strangers and friends alike for not teaching their child to behave properly, how his sister didn't want to go to the same school on account of being embarrassed by his behaviour, how he changed six schools as a child because teachers suggested he was hampering the education of the other children, how several psychiatrists reprimanded his parents for not disciplining him. He also raises the subject of medication for young children - The medicines subdue their hyperactivity, but is it better to have a zombie child or rather find outlets to expend the extra energy; such as sports?

Ben's self-taught concentration techniques and sheer determination, coupled with a few good teachers in college who stood by him with patience and innovative teaching, bring to us a remarkable story of the life of a person with ADHD who is expected to work towards society's definition of "normal". For every parent who thinks they're dealing with an uncontrollable child, for every teacher who is frustrated with a child who doesn't pay attention, and for every child himself/herself who wonders why the world hates them, this is a book that needs to be read.

The writing style is very conversational, and a commendable effort from a 19-year old with ADHD to write an entire book.

[Gareth Sweeney · Rating 1 out of 5]

From the beginning of this book you can tell the author has no experience writing. As a 19year old you can give leniency on the writing but the advice given isn't great. Polis addresses "your child" over and over again in the book using he/him pronouns, I find it quite strange as not just men have ADD/ADHD. Utter word vomit of a wealthy bully in school who believes they have grown but still has narcacism leaking out of everywhere.

[Sarah Evans · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book, written by young man who has ADHD himself, should be handed to every parent after their child receives the diagnosis. By sharing his stories and some techniques that have helped him along his path, we can see beyond the label and into the human experience of ADHD.

[Samantha Lewis · Rating 5 out of 5]

Really enjoyed this book... I have read it twice. .

[Carly Grimmer · Rating 3 out of 5]

A good insight into living with ADHD from the perspective of that person. Full of useful strategies/advice for anyone who is raising/teaching/supporting a child with ADHD.

[Ros · Rating 2 out of 5]

The idea behind this book is good but needs editing, story very poorly written

[Jennifer · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book was so amazing to me. In all of my searching for info on ADHD, I have never been able to get a true perspective of what it is like to deal with this, or what kind of things truly help (from one who knows). What is even more exciting is that the author (diagnosed with ADHD) was 19 when he wrote this book. I really appreciated all of the tips and think that I may even recommend this to my brother with ADHD. I think that he could relate. I picked this up from the Library yesterday and finished it yesterday. I couldn't put it down. (It does contain some language and vulgarity. I would read it first before deciding if your child should.)

[Rhonda · Rating 3 out of 5]

This is a good book explaining ADHD through the eyes of the author who actually has this condition. Itis very funny, yet it gets to the serious issue of ADD. My mother actually met the author while vacationing and was very put off by him, because it was very early inthe morning and he and his friends were outside their hotel room playing football. When my mother went to confront him, they struck a conversation and he ending up giving her a signed copy of his book. Because my son has ADHD, she recommended I read the book.

[Dina · Rating 4 out of 5]

Enjoyed reading about this boys journey into manhood dealing with ADD. His perspective is more valuable than any psychology book written by mere observations. He lived it and is dealing with his condition quite successfully to boot! Very eye opening with a lot of down to earth advice. Humor and patience is the message here. Good Read!

[Kaz Kaz · Rating 5 out of 5]

enjoyed this book. My wee boy has adhd so i found this book very helpful to see how someone copes with adhd. would recommend anyone to read this book. I felt much betterin myself after i read it.

[Shirley · Rating 3 out of 5]

A great book to encourage parents and teachers of ADHD children. Also a great insight into their thought processes. There are also helpful hints on how to deal with or manage the condition.

[Jobiska (Cindy) · Rating 4 out of 5]

If nothing else, this will prepare the parents who are perusing all the biographical accounts/parenting help books about kids with ADD etc. for dealing with what might happen when they become teens.

[Sarah-Jane Suddick · Rating 5 out of 5]

Thanks Ben for your lived experience into ADHD. I've found it valuable both as a parent is a child with ADHD and as a children's nurse.