12 Questions for Love: A Guide to Intimate Conversations and Deeper Relationships

by Topaz Adizes, Sonya Renee Taylor (Foreword)

“Save yourself another round of heartbreak and breakups and read this first. Topaz condenses years of wisdom into 12 powerful questions that will give you the keys to unlock real, true, and profound love so you don’t have to keep searching (or suffering) in disconnected relationships.”
—Natalie Kuhn, spiritual teacher and co-CEO of The Class

Could one conversation improve your relationship forever?
 
We all crave connection. But sometimes we need help getting there. By having a conversation with your partner, guided by these thought-provoking questions, you’ll discover the strength in having mindful, meaningful conversations and unlock a deeper level of lasting intimacy.
 
Author Topaz Adizes invites you to bravely explore the heart of your relationship
through 12 carefully crafted questions drawn from thousands of candid conversations with real couples featured in his Emmy Award-winning documentary series {THE AND}.
 
In today’s fast-paced world, it is easier than ever to feel isolated, disconnected, and idling in surface-level relationships. Having observed a decade’s worth of extraordinary conversations unfold, Topaz explores the key to feeling closer, more secure, and more connected with your partner. 
 
This essential, inclusive guide
Powerful tools to create a safe, transformative space for connection12 questions proven to nurture authentic intimacy, and examples from people who've been thereStrategies for staying connected in the midst of conflictConfidence to craft better, stronger questions of your own ( you’ll get better answers)
Make every conversation count, and you’ll uncover the magic that awaits when you dare to be vulnerable, go deeper, and love like never before.

Genres: Relationships, Psychology, Self Help, Nonfiction

223 pages, Kindle Edition

Published January 2, 2024

Reviews

[Reading_ Tamishly · Rating 3 out of 5]

Without a doubt, it is a good book especially for those who are genuinely looking for a guidebook questioning on love in relationships.

This is just a personal opinion as a reader and not going through rough times in a relationship so please keep this in mind about the review.

My reading experience was hindered by the too long introduction and the very long introductory chapters. From the title I expect the book to start with the questions after the introduction and guide on how to use the tools/questions.
The content seems a little haphazard and I would recommend to go with the questions and explanations about each of the tool/question as we go along. That would better illustrate the point and would keep the reader’s interest considerably more throughout the book though I know such books can be read in different sittings.

Just some thoughts. But I would like to thank the author to write extensively on the topic and provide such helpful tools for the ones who are in need to understand the topic.

Thank you, Sasquatch Books, for the advance reading copy.

[Lorena · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book offers helpful suggestions for conducting intimate conversations that might have really helped me in some of my previous relationships where I had difficulty communicating openly. At this point in my life, I feel like I have a better grasp on how to cultivate safety and share authentically, but I still got some useful tips from this book. I liked the 12 questions and the additional questions suggested in the back matter, as well as the suggestions on how to ask better questions in general. I also liked the diversity of conversational partners included in the examples, from friends and family members to spouses (both straight and gay).

I was a bit frustrated with the introductory material. I enjoy memoirs, but I didn’t pick this up to read about the author’s journey—I just wanted to get to the questions. I’m glad I stuck with it though. I recommend this book for anyone interested in cultivating deeper connections with loved ones.

I was provided an unproofed ARC through NetGalley that I volunteered to review.

[Teresa Alici · Rating 3 out of 5]

What makes a good question. A connective POV. Not the same to ask what do you think about love than to ask “How do you think we think about love differently?” Questions that do not have a connective POV elicit long monologues.

“What is life teaching you” is different to “What do you think life is teaching me?” Now you get to hear their perspective on your experience.

The answer has to be unique to the relationship.

“What are you most afraid of”? Can be Spiders while “What concerns you the most about us about our future in the relationship”. What are you afraid of, but relating us.

Answers can be binary but the ones we are looking at are the subjective truths that lie within the heart.

Wether something is true or not doesn’t teach you nearly as much about your partner as making them why they feel a certain way about something, what it is they feel, or how those feelings manifest in them.

Yes and no are words your partner can hide in to avoid having to truly open up and give voice.

“When does your love for me feel strongest and when does it feel weaker? What can we do to make our connection stronger?

What do we most misunderstand about each other? Turn it into What do we most misunderstand about each other and and what can we do about it? And why do you think that is?

There is a big difference between questions that demand an answer and those that are presented as an offering, a gift. “When was a time when you felt most disappointed by me”?

Expressing our emotional selves takes practice, practice and practice.

Language is our portal of meaning making, connection, healing, learning and self awareness. Having access to the right words can open up entire universes.

[Shelley · Rating 3 out of 5]

Good questions that can certainly bring people closer, but as a couples therapist I also think this could be a pretty hard set of questions for many couples who aren’t in a good place already or who don’t have great communication skills. It might be a helpful one for happy couples or couples who have a strong foundation and are just weathering some stress, or who have just completed a successful course of couples therapy. Questions include: when do you feel closest to me and why? What is the pain in me you wish you could heal and why? If this was our last conversation, what would you never want us to forget?

I’m looking forward to trying these with couples wrapping up therapy / who are happy but looking for deeper connection!

[Shoham Adizes · Rating 5 out of 5]

I just love this book. It unpacks the intricacies of deep human connections. A tear jerk-er and a smile bringer, this book will take you through the full spectrum of emotions. Brought to you by the same people who created "theand.us". If you have every watched any of their videos or played their card game then you know what they are about and their unique approach to exploring the human condition. If you found any value in "theand", you will love this book. I bought 3 copies and plan to give them is gifts as they are the perfect gift for anyone you want to establish a deeper more meaningful relationship with.

[G · Rating 3 out of 5]

My partner and I went through the questions together and it was a really worthwhile experience!

I do recommend the book for the questions, but to be honest we ended up skipping most of the general content/memoirs. I think if the book was just the questions and the suggestions for processing the questions it would have been a lot better.

[Daniel · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is one of those books that will stick with me for awhile, like The Art of Gathering. This book is going to shift the way I have conversations and view deep relationships. It reminded me a lot of coaching philosophies, but also great communication rules. I highly recommend this for any partnership. ❤️

[Ivi · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book was written from the perspective of a film maker not a psychologist, so there is no scientific background to these 12 questions.
It gives a behind the scences look of the author's Youtube format called 'The And', which I found very interessting since I've been watching these videos for years

[Johnny Sellmeyer · Rating 3 out of 5]

The book has some great questions to ask your partner. Likewise, this book helps with self reflection.

My biggest problem with this book is I wish we could've focused on the 12 questions more and the authors personal life less.

[Jennifer · Rating 4 out of 5]

Great questions and a lot to think about, but I admit to doing some skimming in the general text.

[Bryce · Rating 4 out of 5]

a little preachy but still amazing

[Maiara Nogueira · Rating 4 out of 5]

The right question can lead us to living a meaningful life. Learn be aware of the time we have with who we love, make us intentionally create space for living that.

[Aya · Rating 4 out of 5]

*Listened to the audiobook, narrated by Topaz Adizes & Sonya Renee Taylor.