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The Drama Years: Real Girls Talk About Surviving Middle School -- Bullies, Brands, Body Image, and More
An urgently needed and insightful guidebook for parents and teachers struggling to help girls navigate the often-difficult transition into adolescence by the founder of Girl Talk.It has never been easy to be a middle school girl. In the few short years between grade school and high school, girls go through an incredible number of physical and mental changes, making this the most formative—and precarious—time in their lives. Groups form and turn on each other; classmates whisper about who’s saying what to whom; childhood friends tell trusted secrets; and just deciding where to sit in the lunchroom can be a daily struggle. Then there’s the biological wave of changes—all the growth spurts, new curves, and new hormones—and suddenly, there are more grown-up things to worry about like dealing with guys and sexuality. All the while, they’re constantly bombarded by contradictory and confusing messages from society and the media—not to mention the world of video chat, texting, Facebook, and Twitter.
In 2002, when she was only fifteen, Haley Kilpatrick created Girl Talk, a nonprofit organization of more than 35,000 members dedicated to helping girls deal with these issues. The Drama Years is packed with the voices of tweens, who share their experiences, anecdotes, and advice on everything from stress to body image to getting along with parents. This is a survival guide written from the trenches, packed with real life examples and practical strategies, to help parents and daughters survive The Drama Years.
288 pages, Paperback
First published April 3, 2012
34 people are currently reading
398 people want to read
About the author
Haley Kilpatrick
4 books18 followersHaley Kilpatrick is an author and the founder of the national nonprofit organization, Girl Talk™. Girl Talk was founded in 2002 and serves more than 60,000 in 48 states and 7 countries each week throughout the school year. The organization provides a leadership opportunity for high school girls to mentor middle school girls, by leading a Girl Talk Chapter in their communities. Girl Talk exists to help to inspire all girls to develop the confidence to lead. Haley believes that if girls have the tools to lead a confident life, they will grow in to women who support and encourage one another. Girl Talk's goal is to provide the necessary resources at no cost, for all girls, during their most formative years.
Haley’s dedication to helping young girls inspired her to write the bestselling book, The Drama Years, (Simon & Schuster, 2012), a guidebook for parents and educators to help girls navigate the often-difficult transition into adolescence. She is currently leading research and working with thought leaders to help better understand how to address what she’s coined the, “Confidence Crisis” facing women and girls. Her hope is that her work will help to instill the values that will help girls grow up to become kind, confident women.
She serves as a contributor for NBC’s Today Show and CNN, has been featured on NBC Nightly News, HLN, and Forbes. Haley has been named one of Glamour Magazine’s “20 Young Women Changing the World Now,” and People Magazine’s “All-Star Among Us,” among many other honors. She regularly volunteers, contributes and writes for publications and documentaries that invest in girls. Some of her recent efforts include, She is Without Limits; Hear Me Now; The Body Image Workbook for Teens; Bullying Workbook for Teens; Quiet Influence; and Bully. She is proud to serve on the Boys and Girls Club of America’s SMART Girls Advisory Board and to have been a Founding Board Member to two nonprofit that she wholeheartedly believes in, I AM THAT GIRL and Team Summer.
Haley lives in Atlanta, Georgia with her husband, Paul and their daughter, Grace.
Haley’s dedication to helping young girls inspired her to write the bestselling book, The Drama Years, (Simon & Schuster, 2012), a guidebook for parents and educators to help girls navigate the often-difficult transition into adolescence. She is currently leading research and working with thought leaders to help better understand how to address what she’s coined the, “Confidence Crisis” facing women and girls. Her hope is that her work will help to instill the values that will help girls grow up to become kind, confident women.
She serves as a contributor for NBC’s Today Show and CNN, has been featured on NBC Nightly News, HLN, and Forbes. Haley has been named one of Glamour Magazine’s “20 Young Women Changing the World Now,” and People Magazine’s “All-Star Among Us,” among many other honors. She regularly volunteers, contributes and writes for publications and documentaries that invest in girls. Some of her recent efforts include, She is Without Limits; Hear Me Now; The Body Image Workbook for Teens; Bullying Workbook for Teens; Quiet Influence; and Bully. She is proud to serve on the Boys and Girls Club of America’s SMART Girls Advisory Board and to have been a Founding Board Member to two nonprofit that she wholeheartedly believes in, I AM THAT GIRL and Team Summer.
Haley lives in Atlanta, Georgia with her husband, Paul and their daughter, Grace.
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March 22, 2012
Since I have two daughters, ages 12 & 14, this book immediately appealed to me with just its title. Anyone who has raised a daughter knows it's all about drama when they get to the tween years. I've spent the past 4 years reading different books for parents of girls and selecting books to give to my daughters to help them deal with the drama in their life. This book is by far the BEST book I have found for parents. It gives real life examples from real kids so you can see their point of view and it gives suggestions from teens as to how they wish their parents had handled their drama situations when they were younger. It is very easy to read and understand and stays on topic to keep your interest without going into too much detail or offering unrealistic advice. It's a book to read cover to cover and then keep it on your nightstand so you can refer to it as different dramas pop up in your daughter's life. Reading viewpoints from real tweens helps you realize as a parent how the drama can affect your daughter's life and it's a great reminder that even if you think she is upset about something that seems trivial to you - it is real to her. This book is written by the founder of the Girl Talk program and encourages parents to involve their daughter with three life changing "activities" to help them get through these years: have an ANCHOR ACTIVITY outside of school for girls to focus on; a HELPING HAND to volunteer in the community that helps keep her outlook of life in perspective; and an ADOPTED OLDER SISTER so she has someone other than a parent to confide in and talk to. At the end of each chapter these three aspects are discussed as to how they can help a girl deal with the issue at hand - from bullying to friend problems to body issues.
I feel very fortunate that I was able to read an advanced copy of this book and my only regret is that I wasn't able to read it years ago. I recommend this book to parents of tweens and, if possible, encourage them to read it before their daughter reaches middle school. The more information you have in advance the better your parenting will be.
I feel very fortunate that I was able to read an advanced copy of this book and my only regret is that I wasn't able to read it years ago. I recommend this book to parents of tweens and, if possible, encourage them to read it before their daughter reaches middle school. The more information you have in advance the better your parenting will be.
February 10, 2017
The Drama Years is a book that gives parents advice for how to handle situations, and how to help their tween through what most people agree are the hardest years in terms of growing up: middle school. Haley Kilpatrick is the founder of Girl Talk, an organization that provides tween girls with a high school mentor (an adopted big sister, really). Using examples from her own life, comments from tweens today, and comments from high schoolers looking back on their middle school years, Kilpatrick gives tips for how to understand and deal with your tween. She explains why it's helpful for them to have an adopted big sister, to do an activity that she enjoys doing, and to volunteer in the community.
I love the format of this. You don't just hear Kilpatrick's story, you hear the stories of many girls across the nation. And because of that, I think it gives a good picture of what middle school girls are dealing with in terms of situations and emotions. This isn't a comprehensive advice book on how to parent your tween or anything, but it does give some good tips and offers advice for how to help your tween get through her middle school years.
This book is full of awesome advice that parents should really take a look at. A lot of it is common sense, but Kilpatrick puts together some good reminders for parents. For example, she says that instead of saying "because I said so" when you've just made a rule and your tween asks you why it has to be that way, Kilpatrick says that it's better to explain your reasoning. Of course it is. That's not surprising information, but since both parents and tweens react with emotions for many issues, it's nice to be reminded to explain your reasoning. There are many other tips in here that are worth thinking about and implementing.
Regarding the audiobook, the narration is only okay. Because The Drama Years is largely information, it's easy to fall into the unnatural reading voice that I don't like very much. The right inflections are in the right places, but it sounds a tad robotic. I prefer when it sounds like the narrator is talking to me, not reading off a page, but that's a personal preference.
In short, if you find yourself always having fights with your tween girl(s), or you just want a little bit more perspective on what's going on in her head, read this book. It gives great advice, you hear what some tweens think about the situation, and you also hear from high school students who are looking back on the situation. This is a great book for parents.
*I was given a free copy of this book from the publisher through the Solid Gold Reviewers Program at Audiobook Jukebox in exchange for an honest review.*
Also posted on Purple People Readers.
I love the format of this. You don't just hear Kilpatrick's story, you hear the stories of many girls across the nation. And because of that, I think it gives a good picture of what middle school girls are dealing with in terms of situations and emotions. This isn't a comprehensive advice book on how to parent your tween or anything, but it does give some good tips and offers advice for how to help your tween get through her middle school years.
This book is full of awesome advice that parents should really take a look at. A lot of it is common sense, but Kilpatrick puts together some good reminders for parents. For example, she says that instead of saying "because I said so" when you've just made a rule and your tween asks you why it has to be that way, Kilpatrick says that it's better to explain your reasoning. Of course it is. That's not surprising information, but since both parents and tweens react with emotions for many issues, it's nice to be reminded to explain your reasoning. There are many other tips in here that are worth thinking about and implementing.
Regarding the audiobook, the narration is only okay. Because The Drama Years is largely information, it's easy to fall into the unnatural reading voice that I don't like very much. The right inflections are in the right places, but it sounds a tad robotic. I prefer when it sounds like the narrator is talking to me, not reading off a page, but that's a personal preference.
In short, if you find yourself always having fights with your tween girl(s), or you just want a little bit more perspective on what's going on in her head, read this book. It gives great advice, you hear what some tweens think about the situation, and you also hear from high school students who are looking back on the situation. This is a great book for parents.
*I was given a free copy of this book from the publisher through the Solid Gold Reviewers Program at Audiobook Jukebox in exchange for an honest review.*
Also posted on Purple People Readers.
April 15, 2012
A really helpful read. Would recommend to anyone with a middle school girl or one soon approaching those years. Easy, informative read with lots of input from middle school girls, high school girls(about what helped them), and parents. Kilpatrick shares her story about her middle school challenges and what led to the creation of Girl Talk. She really has useful ideas for parents to consider to help their girls navigate the tricky world of middle school. A little repetitive about the three core ideas by the end, but you know can hardly fault that. It makes good sense.
May 12, 2012
Wished I had read this book 3 years ago instead of the last month of my daughter's eighth grade year - it would have helped with a lot of issues that came up! A must read for anyone that has a 6,7,8th grade age daughter.
April 3, 2012
I liked this book and the ideas in it so much that I published it in audiobook format. If you'd like to order a copy, visit www.posthypnoticpress.com.
Haley Kilpatrick provides a clear and useful "heads-up" for parents of tween girls and the problems they are likely to encounter, the "drama, drama, drama" that can consume much of their emotional energy. Gone are the innocent days of elementary school when everyone seemed to be their friend. Now, friends can morph into enemies overnight and back again just as quickly - "frienemies" abound! What can your tween do to navigate this tricky time and come out of it unscarred and, better yet, knowing not just how to pick good friends, but be a good friend, too? And what about boys? They are becoming interesting, but can also be a source of pain and confusion, and heaven help you if you happen to like a boy another, more aggressive girl likes - you might find yourself on the receiving end of a barrage of bewildering bullying.
Faced with overwhelming changes — biological, hormonal, social, emotional — in a very short period of time, middle schoolers are riddled with self consciousness. Without guidance on how to handle all these new issues, they often find it easy to target others in an attempt to stave off the underlying anxiety. This creates an uncertain environment, one that fosters an often stifling level of conformity that leads many girls to cut themselves off from all sorts of opportunities and learning experiences they want and would benefit from, out of fear of ridicule. And this anxiety can spill over from school to other areas of a girls life, too. As Haley relates of herself, she loved dancing and as a young girl and put her all into practice and recitals, but that changed around grade severn. She stopped trying as hard to excel: "I was suddenly scared of falling and being perceived as a klutz. They used to place me in the front row during recitals, but now I was put in the middle, or the back, because I wasn’t shining as much during class as I had. And the worst part was that I felt relieved at that change: if I didn’t try to get back on top, then I wouldn’t be in the spotlight." Many tween girls feel the same way: just wanting to blend in without attracting attention, so worried of being scrutinized or made fun of.
This is the age when we see so many girls grades drop, we see their performance in math and science slipping and their joy in physical activity often disappears, while their self-confidence and self-esteem take a nosedive. At the same time, no matter how good or well-meaning our advice as parents might be, tweens are often unreceptive to our guidance. They too often see us as too distant from their experience, or are simply too busy asserting their own independence from us to hear our advice. Yet, a lack of good guidance is a large part of the problem! And this is where Haley Kilpatrick's ideas, simple and easy to implement, come in.
These ideas come directly out of her own experience. As a tween, she was fortunate to stumble upon the right combination of activities and older mentors and, in particular, an older friend, not too much older, just a few years, who helped her sort through this time. In this book, she discusses her experience and the organization, Girl Talk, that she started at age 15. After hearing from teachers, parents, and guidance counsellors all over the country wanting to know what these girls want and need, she decided to let the tweens speak for themselves. You won't hear from experts telling you what to do, but rather, you'll hear from middle school girls themselves about what they are going through. Plus, there are lots of ideas about how you can help the middle school girls in your life not only cope, but what you can do to help ultimately shape them into amazing women.
Haley Kilpatrick provides a clear and useful "heads-up" for parents of tween girls and the problems they are likely to encounter, the "drama, drama, drama" that can consume much of their emotional energy. Gone are the innocent days of elementary school when everyone seemed to be their friend. Now, friends can morph into enemies overnight and back again just as quickly - "frienemies" abound! What can your tween do to navigate this tricky time and come out of it unscarred and, better yet, knowing not just how to pick good friends, but be a good friend, too? And what about boys? They are becoming interesting, but can also be a source of pain and confusion, and heaven help you if you happen to like a boy another, more aggressive girl likes - you might find yourself on the receiving end of a barrage of bewildering bullying.
Faced with overwhelming changes — biological, hormonal, social, emotional — in a very short period of time, middle schoolers are riddled with self consciousness. Without guidance on how to handle all these new issues, they often find it easy to target others in an attempt to stave off the underlying anxiety. This creates an uncertain environment, one that fosters an often stifling level of conformity that leads many girls to cut themselves off from all sorts of opportunities and learning experiences they want and would benefit from, out of fear of ridicule. And this anxiety can spill over from school to other areas of a girls life, too. As Haley relates of herself, she loved dancing and as a young girl and put her all into practice and recitals, but that changed around grade severn. She stopped trying as hard to excel: "I was suddenly scared of falling and being perceived as a klutz. They used to place me in the front row during recitals, but now I was put in the middle, or the back, because I wasn’t shining as much during class as I had. And the worst part was that I felt relieved at that change: if I didn’t try to get back on top, then I wouldn’t be in the spotlight." Many tween girls feel the same way: just wanting to blend in without attracting attention, so worried of being scrutinized or made fun of.
This is the age when we see so many girls grades drop, we see their performance in math and science slipping and their joy in physical activity often disappears, while their self-confidence and self-esteem take a nosedive. At the same time, no matter how good or well-meaning our advice as parents might be, tweens are often unreceptive to our guidance. They too often see us as too distant from their experience, or are simply too busy asserting their own independence from us to hear our advice. Yet, a lack of good guidance is a large part of the problem! And this is where Haley Kilpatrick's ideas, simple and easy to implement, come in.
These ideas come directly out of her own experience. As a tween, she was fortunate to stumble upon the right combination of activities and older mentors and, in particular, an older friend, not too much older, just a few years, who helped her sort through this time. In this book, she discusses her experience and the organization, Girl Talk, that she started at age 15. After hearing from teachers, parents, and guidance counsellors all over the country wanting to know what these girls want and need, she decided to let the tweens speak for themselves. You won't hear from experts telling you what to do, but rather, you'll hear from middle school girls themselves about what they are going through. Plus, there are lots of ideas about how you can help the middle school girls in your life not only cope, but what you can do to help ultimately shape them into amazing women.
April 20, 2012
great for parents with girls going off to middle school. Gave me some great tips on handling situations I will faced with in the upcoming years. Middle school is nothing like it was when I was there.
May 24, 2012
Fascinating insights about tweens and how girls can be so mean during middle school. Good reading for the parent of a tween. Turns out the author is from my hometown and I know her parents, so that was sort of cool.
April 22, 2012
I highly recommend this book to anyone with a daughter in middle school. It really helps make sense of their behavior and has given me some really good ideas for parenting.
May 3, 2012
This is an excellent read if you too are the mother of a soon to be middle schooler. Luckily middle school passes quickly.
June 11, 2012
I read this book for some research I am doing. Very interesting. I remember seeing a lot of this behavior during the middle school years. I have a meeting about the research next week.
June 18, 2012
A good read for anyone with a middle school girl.
August 30, 2012
I'd recommend this book if only for the stress of importance on communication, on listening to your child, on what not to say.
June 16, 2012
This book was practical and helped remind me of how it feels to be a tween girl.
November 4, 2019
I love that this book is one that you can follow along with your daughter if you wanted to. The layout is flexible and flips between information for the parent, and essentially a docuseries of middle school girls and the issues they deal with. Hearing the stories is a good reminder for parents of what middle school used to be like. It helps to reconnect and be empathetic with your middle school daughter.
January 22, 2016
I had two people recommend this book on middle school girls to me separately, and as I am helping out with a middle school ministry, I thought it could be useful. I probably also have a different perspective on it, since we have one child who has successfully navigated the middle school years - no guarantees on the rest, yet, I know.
This approach can be simplified into three things which add stability to a middle school girl's life - a sport or other favorite activity, volunteering, and an older mentor-friend. It is interesting to me that my older teen has had all these things - if you count as mentoring an informal friendship with a teacher, whom she described as her "Dumbledore, who always gives good advice." My middle school student also has all these things, perhaps with an upcoming change in sport.
The book quotes many middle school students, high school students looking back, and parents, and I thought the different perspectives were good. Many of the quotes give lots to consider.
The section on friendship difficulties reminded me of the book "Mean" by Hayley DiMarco, which our church family minister recommended. I have done pieces of it with my older two kids whenever they have faced a stressful friendship situation.
In "The Drama Years," one parent said, "My biggest fear is that she'll learn from these experiences that people aren't willing to work and put the effort into a friendship that could last a lifetime. She'll think that friendships and people are disposable."
The sections on mean girls lists their reasoning as wanting a feeling of power, a fear of confrontation, not knowing how to honestly and safely express anger, and taking something superpersonally.
One girl, Hayley, said, "For every four or five friends you go through, there's one who's really trustworthy and special. You have to spend a lot of time with them and see if they talk badly about other people or act differently around you versus another person."
The author wrote, "But these are perfect opportunities to set her up to have stronger female friendships for the rest of her life. As we know all too well, some of this frenemy and mean girl behavior doesn't end in middle school, and it's up to parents to help their girl recognize right and wrong behavior. These are the years where she can really learn what it means to have a good friend and what it means to be one herself."
The author also wrote, "Later I realized how wise it was for my mom to suggest doing something kind for someone else to take the attention off me. With my mom's help, I took a situation that could've made me bitter and instead, it made me better.
"To this day, I try to use this bitter-versus-better concept when I feel hurt by someone. Okay, so someone said something mean; I can choose to let that situation make me bitter, hardened, mistrustful, or I can figure out what there is to learn and move on."
One girl, Valerie, said, "My mom suggested I pray for better friends who were loyal and trustworthy and honest and weren't going to manipulate me. Every morning, I'd pray for friends, and eventually I did end up with a lot of friends."
The author also wrote, "My parents taught me another valuable lesson about friendship: Don't be quick to throw them away... In my family, it was superclear that no matter what, we were expected to work out our differences - and my parents wanted that to extend to my close friendships too... 'You've been friends for too long to not ask her what's going on?'"
One girl, Alex said, "My mom will say, 'Do you notice she does this a lot? Maybe that's something you need to work around.'"
Grace, a teen looking back, said that her mom didn't allow curse words and that forced her to put the issue into words rather than just call names. "Using adjectives helps break down the core of the problem rather than the overlay of one word that combines everything... you're really talking about the issue."
The author wrote, "List the pros and cons. When she's going through a hard time with a friend, have her list the positive things she gets out of the friendship. then ask her to list the ways that friend might hurt her. Comparing the two lists will help her make the conscious effort to either make the friendship better or decide to gracefully distance herself."
On the topic of parents, the author wrote, "Beneath the threat of repercussions from sharing with parents and adults lies a deeper fear for tweens that their parents' perception of them will change or that their parent-child relationship will be disrupted... [With silence], they get to have a private life while your opinion of them remains untarnished."
"You don't want to punish your girl for being short; you want her to come in and talk about the reason she's acting this way."
Looking back, one teen, Grace said, "My mom made it really clear that she'd rather know and be prepared than to not know and have something horrible happen."
The author said, "You know how I wanted my parents to come in and talk to me when I was crying in my room? I think every girl wants that. Sometimes I'd have a bad day and scream, 'I just want to be left alone!' Of course, what I really wanted was for my mom to give me a hug and say, 'Okay.'"
The author lists three things that girls want their parents to do: Cheer them up, Don't push them, and Just sit with them.
This approach can be simplified into three things which add stability to a middle school girl's life - a sport or other favorite activity, volunteering, and an older mentor-friend. It is interesting to me that my older teen has had all these things - if you count as mentoring an informal friendship with a teacher, whom she described as her "Dumbledore, who always gives good advice." My middle school student also has all these things, perhaps with an upcoming change in sport.
The book quotes many middle school students, high school students looking back, and parents, and I thought the different perspectives were good. Many of the quotes give lots to consider.
The section on friendship difficulties reminded me of the book "Mean" by Hayley DiMarco, which our church family minister recommended. I have done pieces of it with my older two kids whenever they have faced a stressful friendship situation.
In "The Drama Years," one parent said, "My biggest fear is that she'll learn from these experiences that people aren't willing to work and put the effort into a friendship that could last a lifetime. She'll think that friendships and people are disposable."
The sections on mean girls lists their reasoning as wanting a feeling of power, a fear of confrontation, not knowing how to honestly and safely express anger, and taking something superpersonally.
One girl, Hayley, said, "For every four or five friends you go through, there's one who's really trustworthy and special. You have to spend a lot of time with them and see if they talk badly about other people or act differently around you versus another person."
The author wrote, "But these are perfect opportunities to set her up to have stronger female friendships for the rest of her life. As we know all too well, some of this frenemy and mean girl behavior doesn't end in middle school, and it's up to parents to help their girl recognize right and wrong behavior. These are the years where she can really learn what it means to have a good friend and what it means to be one herself."
The author also wrote, "Later I realized how wise it was for my mom to suggest doing something kind for someone else to take the attention off me. With my mom's help, I took a situation that could've made me bitter and instead, it made me better.
"To this day, I try to use this bitter-versus-better concept when I feel hurt by someone. Okay, so someone said something mean; I can choose to let that situation make me bitter, hardened, mistrustful, or I can figure out what there is to learn and move on."
One girl, Valerie, said, "My mom suggested I pray for better friends who were loyal and trustworthy and honest and weren't going to manipulate me. Every morning, I'd pray for friends, and eventually I did end up with a lot of friends."
The author also wrote, "My parents taught me another valuable lesson about friendship: Don't be quick to throw them away... In my family, it was superclear that no matter what, we were expected to work out our differences - and my parents wanted that to extend to my close friendships too... 'You've been friends for too long to not ask her what's going on?'"
One girl, Alex said, "My mom will say, 'Do you notice she does this a lot? Maybe that's something you need to work around.'"
Grace, a teen looking back, said that her mom didn't allow curse words and that forced her to put the issue into words rather than just call names. "Using adjectives helps break down the core of the problem rather than the overlay of one word that combines everything... you're really talking about the issue."
The author wrote, "List the pros and cons. When she's going through a hard time with a friend, have her list the positive things she gets out of the friendship. then ask her to list the ways that friend might hurt her. Comparing the two lists will help her make the conscious effort to either make the friendship better or decide to gracefully distance herself."
On the topic of parents, the author wrote, "Beneath the threat of repercussions from sharing with parents and adults lies a deeper fear for tweens that their parents' perception of them will change or that their parent-child relationship will be disrupted... [With silence], they get to have a private life while your opinion of them remains untarnished."
"You don't want to punish your girl for being short; you want her to come in and talk about the reason she's acting this way."
Looking back, one teen, Grace said, "My mom made it really clear that she'd rather know and be prepared than to not know and have something horrible happen."
The author said, "You know how I wanted my parents to come in and talk to me when I was crying in my room? I think every girl wants that. Sometimes I'd have a bad day and scream, 'I just want to be left alone!' Of course, what I really wanted was for my mom to give me a hug and say, 'Okay.'"
The author lists three things that girls want their parents to do: Cheer them up, Don't push them, and Just sit with them.
December 28, 2017
A good guide and reminder of what life is like when you're eleven. For more thoughts, read here: http://winsomegates.jenevivedesroches...
September 8, 2019
HIGHLY recommend for anyone with a girl in 5th-9th.
August 7, 2020
I really enjoyed this resource.
August 20, 2021
A great book on friendship. It encourages counseling as well.
July 24, 2024
This book is dated, but still has some good groundwork for thinking about how to establish open communication with middle school daughters.
September 20, 2012
The Drama Years is a guide for parents about raising healthy, happy tweens and teens. The author, Haley Kilpatrick, gives advice from her experience working with Girl Talk, an organization she started in high school. In Girl Talk, high school girls mentor middle school girls by offering advice about how to navigate friends, school, and family. Kilpatrick's own experiences in middle school, where an older friend in a dance class was her mentor, inspired the club. Now there are many Girl Talk groups across the country. Kilpatrick's advice comes from her experiences as a tween, her experiences with Girl Talk, and insight from girls in their own words.
Okay. I'll start with the good stuff. If you are a parent of a tween or teen, this book is probably a good read. Think of it as advice from some one who spends a lot of time listening to tweens talk about their own lives. Kilpatrick does not have kids of her own, so she is able to straddle that objective fence between understanding the needs of kids and the frustrations of the adults in their lives. She offers "Three Takeaways to Downplay the Drama" (find a surrogate older sister, join an activity, and volunteer), and reinforces these throughout her look at various issues tween and teens face in growing up. Chapters cover everything, including helping tweens navigate friendships, the need to own name brands, family drama, and more serious dramas. Reading this book would be a good way to understand some of what tween daughters are going through, and offers commonsense, practical advice.
On the other hand, the doctoral student in me was a little critical of the book. Kilpatrick's entire premise was anecdotal -- there is very little research involved in the claims she makes. Her advice comes from running a mentorship club in local middle schools. Moreover, Kilpatrick is not a parent. Though this can be seen as a positive (see above), I found myself wondering what she'll say a few years down the road when she has kids of her own. I can see parents having a hard time taking her advice because she lacks the "street cred" of navigating tween relationships in her own home.
About the audio book: The audio book was a good listen in the car, but the narrator (Hannah Rose Mate) drove me nuts. Her style of narration was extremely distracting to me. It felt like she over over-ennouncating each word. It also felt lke she was trying too hard to put an auditory smile at the end of each sentence. This was most annoying when she was reading the quotes given by girls -- I'm guessing she was trying to sound like a teenage girl, but it just sounded weird.
FINAL GRADE: C This book isn't going to give you bad advice. If you are a parent struggling with how raise your tween, it's probably going to give you good advice. I probably would have bought it for the parents resource center at my school, since the writing is accessible and practical for busy parents. It's pretty clear that I read it with the wrong mindset (I'm looking pretty seriously at studying gender issues in education, specifically the middle grades, for my Ph.D), so I was a little disappointed by the lack of more scholarly content.
Okay. I'll start with the good stuff. If you are a parent of a tween or teen, this book is probably a good read. Think of it as advice from some one who spends a lot of time listening to tweens talk about their own lives. Kilpatrick does not have kids of her own, so she is able to straddle that objective fence between understanding the needs of kids and the frustrations of the adults in their lives. She offers "Three Takeaways to Downplay the Drama" (find a surrogate older sister, join an activity, and volunteer), and reinforces these throughout her look at various issues tween and teens face in growing up. Chapters cover everything, including helping tweens navigate friendships, the need to own name brands, family drama, and more serious dramas. Reading this book would be a good way to understand some of what tween daughters are going through, and offers commonsense, practical advice.
On the other hand, the doctoral student in me was a little critical of the book. Kilpatrick's entire premise was anecdotal -- there is very little research involved in the claims she makes. Her advice comes from running a mentorship club in local middle schools. Moreover, Kilpatrick is not a parent. Though this can be seen as a positive (see above), I found myself wondering what she'll say a few years down the road when she has kids of her own. I can see parents having a hard time taking her advice because she lacks the "street cred" of navigating tween relationships in her own home.
About the audio book: The audio book was a good listen in the car, but the narrator (Hannah Rose Mate) drove me nuts. Her style of narration was extremely distracting to me. It felt like she over over-ennouncating each word. It also felt lke she was trying too hard to put an auditory smile at the end of each sentence. This was most annoying when she was reading the quotes given by girls -- I'm guessing she was trying to sound like a teenage girl, but it just sounded weird.
FINAL GRADE: C This book isn't going to give you bad advice. If you are a parent struggling with how raise your tween, it's probably going to give you good advice. I probably would have bought it for the parents resource center at my school, since the writing is accessible and practical for busy parents. It's pretty clear that I read it with the wrong mindset (I'm looking pretty seriously at studying gender issues in education, specifically the middle grades, for my Ph.D), so I was a little disappointed by the lack of more scholarly content.
September 23, 2012
As the parent of a middle school girl, I appreciated the topics covered in this book. Many of the quotes from interviews of middle school girls sounded like soundbites from everyday conversations with my own 7th grader. The book isn't necessarily an advice or parenting manual -- but more of a "hey, you aren't alone in this" type of book. There is advice given -- the three steps for dealing with the drama are sound (having an older peer mentor, doing volunteer work, engage in an extra-school activity) However, the reliance upon an older peer mentor is reiterated too frequently -- I don't think that having a friend who is 15 or 16 is the answer to all the problems our middle schoolers face. I also think that the author needs to state earlier in the book than the last chapter that she is neither a licensed counselor nor a psychologist. While she is the founder of a successful girls group and draws upon these experiences to give moms a sense that they are not alone, she is not an expert and her book should be read with the fact of who the author is clearly in mind. This is not an ADVICE book -- and I advise, as does the author finally in the last chapter, to seek professional help if your daughter's depression, anxiety, or anger persists and is not manageable. Oh - one other thing, I disagree with the author's frequent suggestion that our middle school girls talk to people OTHER than their mothers.
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
October 13, 2014
I learned about this book through the A Mighty Girl Facebook feed, and I'm so glad I did.
The author, Haley Kilpatrick, is a woman on a mission: ease the transition girls and their parents from elementary school to high school by focusing them on the positive coping mechanisms she was lucky enough to have while she traveled that journey. The three parts of this positive process are: have a physical outlet, have a older mentor who has recently been through the tween years, and have an on-going service-minded goal. To that end, Haley created GirlTalk, a national non-profit organization that builds in many of these pieces and perpetuates itself.
Haley's writing is very unassuming without being bad, and it was easy to be drawn in by her stories, however repetitive they were. The best part of the book, though, is that she was able to interview hundreds of middle school girls, high school girls, and girls' parents to get perspective on the good and the bad, and she offers advice for dealing with all kinds of things - consumerism, body image, crushes and dating, school stress, friendship drama, and several more topics.
As the parent of a middle school daughter, it is an invaluable resource. My only regret is that I read a library copy - I'll be purchasing one soon so I can make notes in the margin.
The author, Haley Kilpatrick, is a woman on a mission: ease the transition girls and their parents from elementary school to high school by focusing them on the positive coping mechanisms she was lucky enough to have while she traveled that journey. The three parts of this positive process are: have a physical outlet, have a older mentor who has recently been through the tween years, and have an on-going service-minded goal. To that end, Haley created GirlTalk, a national non-profit organization that builds in many of these pieces and perpetuates itself.
Haley's writing is very unassuming without being bad, and it was easy to be drawn in by her stories, however repetitive they were. The best part of the book, though, is that she was able to interview hundreds of middle school girls, high school girls, and girls' parents to get perspective on the good and the bad, and she offers advice for dealing with all kinds of things - consumerism, body image, crushes and dating, school stress, friendship drama, and several more topics.
As the parent of a middle school daughter, it is an invaluable resource. My only regret is that I read a library copy - I'll be purchasing one soon so I can make notes in the margin.
June 12, 2015
Found the authors personal experiences a bit annoying- but overall it was a good read. Did not agree on the chapter about wanting vs having-surprised she did not mention the effect of culture on attitude. my daughter attends a private school where bullies are not tolerated and there is a strict uniform code. inner city girls in other areas have a different " culture" to deal with. thought the end was much better than the beginning. The last chapter was much more helpful. I also felt her empasis on getting an older mentor was annoying- and that could also backfire depending. i think another family member or friend could do the same job. overall i think there were so.e topics i plan to discuss with my 12 yr old.
July 13, 2014
This book is REALLY helpful and I know that it will be a resource that I will return to again and again. Wish that I had read it when my daughter was going into 5th grade so that I could be better prepared for what middle school was about and it's craziness!!
May 28, 2015
This book helped somewhat to figure out what is going through the heads of middle school girls. However, it was very repetitive. If the author mentioned the "three takeaways" or her friend Christie one more time, I would have thrown the book out the window.
July 24, 2013
A great read for parents, teachers, school counselors, and any others who work with middle school girls. I especially liked the comments from the girls...good to hear things from their point of view.
August 10, 2013
A useful read for parents of soon-to-be middle school girls, explained from the perspective of young teens.
February 13, 2013
Just what I needed! Brings so much into perspective, helps to let you know you are not the only parent that doesn't understand and let's you know what your preteen is really thinking.
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