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Setting Boundaries with Difficult People: Six Steps to Sanity for Challenging Relationships
Continuing her popular Setting Boundaries? series, Allison Bottke offer her distinctive "Six Steps to SANITY" to readers who must deal with difficult people.
S...Stop your own negative behavior
A...Assemble a support group
N...Nip excuses in the bud
I...Implement rules and boundaries
T....Trust your instincts
Y...Yield everything to God
Whether it's a spouse, in-law, boss, coworker, family member, neighbor, or friend, readers who have allowed others to overstep their boundaries will learn how these six steps can help them reset those boundaries and take back their life...for good.
Setting Boundaries? with Difficult People is designed to inspire, empower, and equip readers with the tools to transform lives.
S...Stop your own negative behavior
A...Assemble a support group
N...Nip excuses in the bud
I...Implement rules and boundaries
T....Trust your instincts
Y...Yield everything to God
Whether it's a spouse, in-law, boss, coworker, family member, neighbor, or friend, readers who have allowed others to overstep their boundaries will learn how these six steps can help them reset those boundaries and take back their life...for good.
Setting Boundaries? with Difficult People is designed to inspire, empower, and equip readers with the tools to transform lives.
240 pages, Paperback
First published October 1, 2011
62 people are currently reading
232 people want to read
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Displaying 1 - 17 of 17 reviews
October 26, 2019
This book has useful nuggets of information when setting boundaries mixed in with a whole lot of evangelizing Christianity and God-talk. Read with caution. This book took me forever to get through because of it . . .
December 5, 2017
Excellent book. I bought this at the same time I purchased, Coping with Your Difficult Older Parent, and they read very well as a parallel study. I love that the book is based on Christian principles and that the book addresses Godly ways to love ourselves and to not feel guilty about having to SET some boundaries with others.
Realize that it's not about just setting boundaries with folks we dislike or who challenge us, but also setting boundaries with people that we love as well.
I gained a lot from the book.
Realize that it's not about just setting boundaries with folks we dislike or who challenge us, but also setting boundaries with people that we love as well.
I gained a lot from the book.
January 18, 2018
I actually got a lot out of this book and found many sections helpful to my clinical practice. My only concern with the book is that I wish it would provide more thorough examples of what to do when a person does NOT respect your boundaries. All of the examples seemed ideal and worked in the authors favor. I have learned more often than not when working with difficult people that they do not respect boundaries and will escalate their behavior in hopes of busting through others’ walls
March 23, 2021
This book is about practicing SANITY. S top your own negative behavior Assemble a support group. N up excuses in the bud. Implement rules and boundaries Trust you instincts Yield to God. Allison Bottle sets out for good techniques to deal with difficult people and breaks down there acronym of SANITY with a journal, examination of your own life and how you deal with situations and how to react to difficult situations including when to walk away.It takes old concepts such as adult child, enabling and dysfunctional families and personality traits. It examines shame guilt and having God help you through the journey. Let go and let God. Guard your heart and others to help you as you help youself. It has a lot of gospel versus and Christian bent to it. It does have good tidbits and is an intense set examination. I liked it for but very Christian.. I also liked the circles of concern and how to deal with each circle.
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August 7, 2019This book was helped me learn how to set boundaries. The most important point being to always come back to the center, which is your relationship with God. From there you will know when to set boundaries, how to handle conflict and how to remain peaceful. It was a bit vague but still worth reading.
September 3, 2013
From my book review at www.actionplanministries.com
What does SANITY mean to you?
To Allison Bottke, it means:
STOP your own negative behavior
ASSEMBLE a support group
NIP excuses in the bud
IMPLEMENT rules and boundaries
TRUST your instincts
YIELD everything to God
This woman is genius.
I was browsing an airport bookstore and noticed Setting Boundaries with Difficult People by Allison Bottke on the Christian rack. BINGO! Currently in the midst of some monumental challenges with a few difficult people, this instantly grabbed my attention. Thank you God! Additionally, Lindon and I are always looking for life coaching tools and book recommendations which will further enhance the material we present in Declutter Now!, so Setting Boundaries seemed to be a perfect fit all the way around. I wasn’t disappointed.
Can I tell you the biggest surprise? Right out of the gate, Ms. Bottke plants the responsibility for setting boundaries and managing difficult relationships squarely on our shoulders – on MY shoulders. I LOVE THIS!
You might wonder why, when others are being awful to ME, I’m glad for the responsibility of managing it? You see, I really dislike what I can’t control. Ms. Bottke immediately began talking to me about what WAS within my control and this felt like home. Most of the time, we feel confused when dealing with nasty and mean-spirited people who don’t have our best interests at heart. It’s especially unnerving when they are family and the ramifications from the conflicts are far reaching and multi-faceted. It’s easy to develop a victim mentality pretty quickly and throw some extravagant pity parties. Ms. Bottke will have none of that and I love her for it. You see, I want no part of this either, and Ms. Bottke was going to equip me on how to manage the difficult relationships in my life with healthy control. I’m really, really good with this.
Ms. Bottke also asks readers to evaluate their relationship with God and the role he plays in their lives. This is paramount to the process and she makes no bones about speaking to the accountability we have to God.
"We will have to make some "on purpose" life choices and then change our priorities and behavior. Only then can God transform us and use us to change the world." Richard Stearns
Clearly, the goal isn’t to comfort the broken-hearted or coddle the victim, although this isn’t to say Ms. Bottke doesn’t show an abundance of empathy and compassion. She spends plenty of time nurturing and loving on the reader, but it’s not done with overprotective and disabling sentiments. Instead, she trains the reader to handle challenging relationships while encouraging them to grow closer to God, thus finding peace in their lives. If that isn’t love, I don’t know what is!
Chock full of quotes and stories from other authors, it’s akin to a dozen books in one. A clearly comprehensive effort, she strikes an impressive balance all the way around.
What did I come away with?
I must invite God into this process and look for His guidance and wisdom.
I am called to examine my own responsibility in every relationship and honestly assess my role in the challenge or problem.
I have no one to blame but myself if I don’t set healthy boundaries. No matter how awkward or uncomfortable this might be, it’s vital.
There are times when boundaries aren’t enough and relationships must be severed.
Regardless of how justified I may feel with my anger, hurt or pain, how I choose to respond to the difficult person is all on me. My actions can make or break the success of the effort.
There is really so much more, and I'm tempted to quote the heck out of Ms. Bottke, but instead just grab a copy of the book and check it out for yourself. You'll be glad you did!
What does SANITY mean to you?
To Allison Bottke, it means:
STOP your own negative behavior
ASSEMBLE a support group
NIP excuses in the bud
IMPLEMENT rules and boundaries
TRUST your instincts
YIELD everything to God
This woman is genius.
I was browsing an airport bookstore and noticed Setting Boundaries with Difficult People by Allison Bottke on the Christian rack. BINGO! Currently in the midst of some monumental challenges with a few difficult people, this instantly grabbed my attention. Thank you God! Additionally, Lindon and I are always looking for life coaching tools and book recommendations which will further enhance the material we present in Declutter Now!, so Setting Boundaries seemed to be a perfect fit all the way around. I wasn’t disappointed.
Can I tell you the biggest surprise? Right out of the gate, Ms. Bottke plants the responsibility for setting boundaries and managing difficult relationships squarely on our shoulders – on MY shoulders. I LOVE THIS!
You might wonder why, when others are being awful to ME, I’m glad for the responsibility of managing it? You see, I really dislike what I can’t control. Ms. Bottke immediately began talking to me about what WAS within my control and this felt like home. Most of the time, we feel confused when dealing with nasty and mean-spirited people who don’t have our best interests at heart. It’s especially unnerving when they are family and the ramifications from the conflicts are far reaching and multi-faceted. It’s easy to develop a victim mentality pretty quickly and throw some extravagant pity parties. Ms. Bottke will have none of that and I love her for it. You see, I want no part of this either, and Ms. Bottke was going to equip me on how to manage the difficult relationships in my life with healthy control. I’m really, really good with this.
Ms. Bottke also asks readers to evaluate their relationship with God and the role he plays in their lives. This is paramount to the process and she makes no bones about speaking to the accountability we have to God.
"We will have to make some "on purpose" life choices and then change our priorities and behavior. Only then can God transform us and use us to change the world." Richard Stearns
Clearly, the goal isn’t to comfort the broken-hearted or coddle the victim, although this isn’t to say Ms. Bottke doesn’t show an abundance of empathy and compassion. She spends plenty of time nurturing and loving on the reader, but it’s not done with overprotective and disabling sentiments. Instead, she trains the reader to handle challenging relationships while encouraging them to grow closer to God, thus finding peace in their lives. If that isn’t love, I don’t know what is!
Chock full of quotes and stories from other authors, it’s akin to a dozen books in one. A clearly comprehensive effort, she strikes an impressive balance all the way around.
What did I come away with?
I must invite God into this process and look for His guidance and wisdom.
I am called to examine my own responsibility in every relationship and honestly assess my role in the challenge or problem.
I have no one to blame but myself if I don’t set healthy boundaries. No matter how awkward or uncomfortable this might be, it’s vital.
There are times when boundaries aren’t enough and relationships must be severed.
Regardless of how justified I may feel with my anger, hurt or pain, how I choose to respond to the difficult person is all on me. My actions can make or break the success of the effort.
There is really so much more, and I'm tempted to quote the heck out of Ms. Bottke, but instead just grab a copy of the book and check it out for yourself. You'll be glad you did!
October 4, 2011
We all have difficult people in our lives.
No matter what we do, where we go, or how hard we try to be "nice", there are people in our lives, that seem to be difficult to please, always critical, or downright impossible to be in the same room.
The truth is that no matter what, we are going to have to learn to work with people who seem to really get on our nerves the most, and the key isn't to run away to a deserted island, but learn how to stand up, and be strong.
With,"Setting Boundaries with Difficult People: Six Steps to SANITY for Challenging Relationships", Allison Bottke, shares her her distinctive “Six Steps to SANITY” to readers who must deal with difficult people.
S…Stop your own negative behavior
A…Assemble a support group
N…Nip excuses in the bud
I…Implement rules and boundaries
T….Trust your instincts
Y…Yield everything to God
There are people who are going to overstep their boundaries, be it family members, co-workers, friends, neighbors, even the neighbor's dog, and we have to learn not to be passive, or passive aggressive, but instead, learn to how to be strong and stand up for ourselves.
As Allison Bottke shared in Chapter one,"Standing up for yourself doesn’t mean bulldozing your way over someone who has behaved poorly or has made choices that hurt you. Likewise, moving on doesn’t mean glossing over a problem, ignoring it, or denying that something is wrong."
Filled with engaging examples, and encouragement of learning to not only stop one's own negative behavior, but also how to recognize unhealthy boundaries that are often crossed, this is a great book, for adults who often find themselves in situations, where they are pushed around and in many cases, lack the skills to stand up for themselves.
This is not a self cure book; Instead...it recommends realizing that we can't always do this on our own and if it means finding or developing a strong support group, so be it, otherwise, the biggest thing that this book really reaches out to its reader, is that there is never a good reason to be in unhealthy relationships that are harmful not only emotionally, but mentally, physically and even spiritually.
This was a really wonderful read and a book I would recommend for those who either find themselves in bullying situations as adults and unable to handle it, not knowing how to say "no" when they need to, or find themselves in passive aggressive, codependent situations that they need to learn how to get out of.
Our Father does not want us to be spiritutally, emotionally, mentally or physically bound in harmful relationships that can hurt us or the people around us and reading "Setting Boundaries with Difficult: Six Steps to SANITY for Challenging Relationships" is a great first step for many who may find themselves in truly harmful or emotionally breaking relationships.
Even then....I found this book just good for those who may just find it hard to say "no" or feel intimidated by others who make their lives difficult, be it the pushy mother in law, the neighbor who is too nosy and won't take "no" for an answer, the co-worker at work, who just won't leave you alone so you can get work done, just anyone in your life that has you feeling, intimidated and/or run over.
This is a freeing book to read and a way to live the full life that is okay to live and not in bondage to others.
No matter what we do, where we go, or how hard we try to be "nice", there are people in our lives, that seem to be difficult to please, always critical, or downright impossible to be in the same room.
The truth is that no matter what, we are going to have to learn to work with people who seem to really get on our nerves the most, and the key isn't to run away to a deserted island, but learn how to stand up, and be strong.
With,"Setting Boundaries with Difficult People: Six Steps to SANITY for Challenging Relationships", Allison Bottke, shares her her distinctive “Six Steps to SANITY” to readers who must deal with difficult people.
S…Stop your own negative behavior
A…Assemble a support group
N…Nip excuses in the bud
I…Implement rules and boundaries
T….Trust your instincts
Y…Yield everything to God
There are people who are going to overstep their boundaries, be it family members, co-workers, friends, neighbors, even the neighbor's dog, and we have to learn not to be passive, or passive aggressive, but instead, learn to how to be strong and stand up for ourselves.
As Allison Bottke shared in Chapter one,"Standing up for yourself doesn’t mean bulldozing your way over someone who has behaved poorly or has made choices that hurt you. Likewise, moving on doesn’t mean glossing over a problem, ignoring it, or denying that something is wrong."
Filled with engaging examples, and encouragement of learning to not only stop one's own negative behavior, but also how to recognize unhealthy boundaries that are often crossed, this is a great book, for adults who often find themselves in situations, where they are pushed around and in many cases, lack the skills to stand up for themselves.
This is not a self cure book; Instead...it recommends realizing that we can't always do this on our own and if it means finding or developing a strong support group, so be it, otherwise, the biggest thing that this book really reaches out to its reader, is that there is never a good reason to be in unhealthy relationships that are harmful not only emotionally, but mentally, physically and even spiritually.
This was a really wonderful read and a book I would recommend for those who either find themselves in bullying situations as adults and unable to handle it, not knowing how to say "no" when they need to, or find themselves in passive aggressive, codependent situations that they need to learn how to get out of.
Our Father does not want us to be spiritutally, emotionally, mentally or physically bound in harmful relationships that can hurt us or the people around us and reading "Setting Boundaries with Difficult: Six Steps to SANITY for Challenging Relationships" is a great first step for many who may find themselves in truly harmful or emotionally breaking relationships.
Even then....I found this book just good for those who may just find it hard to say "no" or feel intimidated by others who make their lives difficult, be it the pushy mother in law, the neighbor who is too nosy and won't take "no" for an answer, the co-worker at work, who just won't leave you alone so you can get work done, just anyone in your life that has you feeling, intimidated and/or run over.
This is a freeing book to read and a way to live the full life that is okay to live and not in bondage to others.
October 13, 2011
Setting Boundaries with Difficult People in 140 characters or less: "sanity=analysis, introspection, support, trusting God. Practice!"
If you find spiritual self-help books to be trite and preachy, Allison Bottke's "Setting Boundaries with Difficult People: Six Steps to SANITY for Challenging Relationships" is the opposite.
While the book uses the anagram + numbered steps formula to self-improvement characteristic of a lot of self-help books, it does it well. Foundation building, goal setting, personal anecdotes and scripture provide the foundation upon which Bottke contends will help the reader conquer the difficulties of a challenging relationship. The advice is useful, practical, and tried-and-true by Bottke herself. I don't like to be taught at, but taught to. She does that well.
It is the third book in her "Setting Boundaries" series (I have not read the other two), and I have to assume that Bottke does not "preach from the mountain" in the other books as well. That makes the hard-to-do activities (analyzing your character and temperament, setting boundaries within family and friend relationships and sticking to them less impersonal. I'm a proponent of many of her techniques, namely a support group for accountability and yielding to God. Great job!
If you find spiritual self-help books to be trite and preachy, Allison Bottke's "Setting Boundaries with Difficult People: Six Steps to SANITY for Challenging Relationships" is the opposite.
While the book uses the anagram + numbered steps formula to self-improvement characteristic of a lot of self-help books, it does it well. Foundation building, goal setting, personal anecdotes and scripture provide the foundation upon which Bottke contends will help the reader conquer the difficulties of a challenging relationship. The advice is useful, practical, and tried-and-true by Bottke herself. I don't like to be taught at, but taught to. She does that well.
It is the third book in her "Setting Boundaries" series (I have not read the other two), and I have to assume that Bottke does not "preach from the mountain" in the other books as well. That makes the hard-to-do activities (analyzing your character and temperament, setting boundaries within family and friend relationships and sticking to them less impersonal. I'm a proponent of many of her techniques, namely a support group for accountability and yielding to God. Great job!
December 5, 2011
A few excellent key points in this informative and well written and researched book include: What is a boundary?, learn how to effectively set and implement realistic boundaries while finding sanity in your life, this book gives sensible guidelines to follow and utilize in learning how to effectively and lovingly deal with difficult people, how to identify difficult people and situations that drag you down, learning what sanity is and how to achieve it, locating support groups, deepening our relationship with God and so many more relevant topics. Along with bible passages and highlights from other books(authors) included corresponds to the material being presented along with personal journal questions to address ties together and compliments the chapter or point being addressed.
I have thorougly enjoyed reading (and thinking) as I dove into this book! It has helped me relate to my life and learn how to set boundaries in which I have struggled with. The author touches on so many topics I had not thought about but are so very important in setting and implementing boundaries. This book, I feel, will help all who struggle with these issues. I would highly recommend this book to others! Thank you to Harvest House Publishers and Netgalley for this ARC for my review.
I have thorougly enjoyed reading (and thinking) as I dove into this book! It has helped me relate to my life and learn how to set boundaries in which I have struggled with. The author touches on so many topics I had not thought about but are so very important in setting and implementing boundaries. This book, I feel, will help all who struggle with these issues. I would highly recommend this book to others! Thank you to Harvest House Publishers and Netgalley for this ARC for my review.
October 3, 2011
Everyone, if given enough time, can think of a difficult person in their life that they’d rather not deal with. Yet avoiding that person doesn’t solve the conflict they add to our life.
Allison Bottke offers readers a guide to “SANITY” and ways to kindly set healthy boundaries with people who stress us out. Included in the back of the book are sample letters you can write to the difficult people in your life whether you need to confront them or worse case scenario, end your relationship with them. Everyone can benefit from reading this book because we all have relationship glitches that need to be worked on. One of the main points in this book is that we all have choice to make – some of us choose wiser than others. Sometimes we enable the difficult people in our lives to continue their destructive behaviors and Allison shows us that we can choose to change this toxic pattern.
Allison Bottke offers readers a guide to “SANITY” and ways to kindly set healthy boundaries with people who stress us out. Included in the back of the book are sample letters you can write to the difficult people in your life whether you need to confront them or worse case scenario, end your relationship with them. Everyone can benefit from reading this book because we all have relationship glitches that need to be worked on. One of the main points in this book is that we all have choice to make – some of us choose wiser than others. Sometimes we enable the difficult people in our lives to continue their destructive behaviors and Allison shows us that we can choose to change this toxic pattern.
October 19, 2011
Are you struggling with "difficult people" in your life? You know the ones who always try to push you and stress you out? We all have someone or even more then one, in our life like this and that is why Allison Bottke has written this book! Allison Bottke shows the reader how to biblically set boundaries for the "difficult people". I felt the book showed that you can be firm but "biblical" in setting those boundaries, you don't have to be a "push over" in allowing yourself to deal with those in your life who are difficult. I really enjoyed this book and it has given me a new prespective for those I deal with in my life. I think this is a MUST read for all!
May 12, 2013
It was a bit too much of the author's God in my face. Supporting quotes were by people of obviously the same faith.
If you are of the same religion as the author and supporting contributor's, you'd probably like it more than the average person. I suspect the high rating is from support of the same religious followers.
I read this book to help in dealing with difficult patients that get abusive at work, but this book is more for people with constant family issues.
I don't know if I will finish this book. I'm putting it down to breathe for a bit.
If you are of the same religion as the author and supporting contributor's, you'd probably like it more than the average person. I suspect the high rating is from support of the same religious followers.
I read this book to help in dealing with difficult patients that get abusive at work, but this book is more for people with constant family issues.
I don't know if I will finish this book. I'm putting it down to breathe for a bit.
March 24, 2014
I really liked the practical approach the author took toward setting boundaries with individuals in your life. It uses lots of specific examples to help you understand the difference between healthy and unhealthy relationships and the boundaries that they should have.
I especially found the part about teaching boundaries to children helpful.
I especially found the part about teaching boundaries to children helpful.
May 9, 2019
I actually didn’t finish this one. Maybe it’s because I have read a couple of similar books recently and it started to sound the same. But I felt it was too simple, watered down. Liked the other books better.
December 18, 2011
really helpful!! Learned alot. Christian book.
January 11, 2014
There was some helpful information in here. If you are a Christian and struggle with the boundary between "turn the cheek" and set your boundary; this can help clarify that. Easy read.
October 31, 2013
It was alright. Too much god stuff in it. But it gave some good tips
Displaying 1 - 17 of 17 reviews