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The 3rd Alternative: Solving Life's Most Difficult Problems
From the multimillion-copy bestselling author of The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People , hailed as the #1 Most Influential Business Book of the Twentieth Century, The 3rd Alternative introduces a breakthrough approach to conflict resolution and creative problem solving.
There are many methods of “conflict resolution,” but most involve compromise, a low-level accommodation that stops the fight without breaking through to new and innovative results. The 3rd Alternative introduces a breakthrough approach to conflict resolution and creative problem solving, transcending traditional solutions to conflict by forging a path toward a third option. A third alternative moves beyond your way or my way to a higher and better way—one that allows both parties to emerge from debate or even heated conflict in a far better place than either had envisioned. With the third alternative, nobody has to give up anything, and everyone wins.
Through key examples and stories from his work as a consultant, Covey demonstrates the power of 3rd Alternative thinking. His wide-ranging examples include a Canadian metropolitan police force that transformed a crime-plagued community; a judge who brought a quick, peaceful end to one of the biggest environmental lawsuits in American history without setting foot in a courtroom; the principal of a high school for children of migrant workers who raised their graduation rate from 30 percent to 90 percent; a handful of little-known people who are quietly finding new ways to bring peace to the Middle East; and many others. These various groups and individuals offer living examples of how to create new and better results instead of escalating conflict, as well as how to build strong relationships based on an attitude of winning together.
Beyond conflict and compromise, The 3rd Alternative unveils a radical, creative new way of thinking.
There are many methods of “conflict resolution,” but most involve compromise, a low-level accommodation that stops the fight without breaking through to new and innovative results. The 3rd Alternative introduces a breakthrough approach to conflict resolution and creative problem solving, transcending traditional solutions to conflict by forging a path toward a third option. A third alternative moves beyond your way or my way to a higher and better way—one that allows both parties to emerge from debate or even heated conflict in a far better place than either had envisioned. With the third alternative, nobody has to give up anything, and everyone wins.
Through key examples and stories from his work as a consultant, Covey demonstrates the power of 3rd Alternative thinking. His wide-ranging examples include a Canadian metropolitan police force that transformed a crime-plagued community; a judge who brought a quick, peaceful end to one of the biggest environmental lawsuits in American history without setting foot in a courtroom; the principal of a high school for children of migrant workers who raised their graduation rate from 30 percent to 90 percent; a handful of little-known people who are quietly finding new ways to bring peace to the Middle East; and many others. These various groups and individuals offer living examples of how to create new and better results instead of escalating conflict, as well as how to build strong relationships based on an attitude of winning together.
Beyond conflict and compromise, The 3rd Alternative unveils a radical, creative new way of thinking.
456 pages, Hardcover
Published October 4, 2011
387 people are currently reading
3803 people want to read
About the author
Stephen R. Covey
641 books6,265 followersLibrarian Note: There is more than one author by this name in the Goodreads database.
Stephen Richards Covey was an American educator, author, businessman, and speaker. His most popular book is The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People. His other books include First Things First, Principle-Centered Leadership, The 7 Habits of Highly Effective Families, The 8th Habit, and The Leader In Me: How Schools and Parents Around the World Are Inspiring Greatness, One Child at a Time. In 1996, Time magazine named him one of the 25 most influential people. He was a professor at the Jon M. Huntsman School of Business at Utah State University (USU) at the time of his death.
Stephen Richards Covey was an American educator, author, businessman, and speaker. His most popular book is The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People. His other books include First Things First, Principle-Centered Leadership, The 7 Habits of Highly Effective Families, The 8th Habit, and The Leader In Me: How Schools and Parents Around the World Are Inspiring Greatness, One Child at a Time. In 1996, Time magazine named him one of the 25 most influential people. He was a professor at the Jon M. Huntsman School of Business at Utah State University (USU) at the time of his death.
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 162 reviews
April 20, 2012
Covey's latest book is simply a masterpiece. I was wondering where he could possibly go after writing The 8th Habit, which led me to conclude that Covey had taken the next level up from The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People. How could he possibly outdo that book?
Well, he's done it. He's taken what he did with 7 Habits and The 8th Habit and knocked his game up not just to the next level but several levels higher. This book is pure transformation waiting to happen. Covey unfolds how the principles of his 7 Habits can help us to unite with those who disagree with us to form new solutions that none of us could have imagined individually. The process contains four steps: I See Myself, I See You, I Seek You Out, and I Synergize With You. Each of these steps requires its own paradigm shift, and each of those shifts is counterintuitive. Yet Covey shows how this process can help us to create solutions to real problems in the workplace, in the home, in our communities and nation, and in the world.
What I like best about his book is the new way I have been shown to view other people, especially those who disagree with me. Part of what keeps us apart is constantly seeing others through labels and preconceived identities. If we seek to understand, it is usually to know what is wrong with the other side, not to comprehend the unique human being in front of us. We defend ourselves and our position, making war on each other. Covey shows how to look past the labels and see the human being on the other "side". At a time in our history when our nation is more divided and polarized than ever, Covey demonstrates how we can heal the breach.
And the best part is that no one has to give up anything. The solution is a synergistic effect that provides more than either side could have imagined otherwise. This is not compromise, a transaction in which the pie is divided among different parties. This is transformation, an experience in which the pie gets so exponentially bigger that everyone can't help but win. Employees and employers can both have what they want without giving up anything. Husband and wife can both be satisfied in a truly fulfilling marriage. Parent and child can grow together. Different political factions within a nation can join hands to solve real problems. International groups can make the world a better place.
This book is a definite must-read for anyone seeking to live life on a higher plane of existence, one in which we don't have to agree with each other in order to have peace and prosperity. Every dilemma between two seemingly implacable choices is false. Covey shows how to step outside that binary world and embrace one of infinite possibility. Don't just read this book. Buy it, study it, eat it, sleep it, and breathe it. It's an absolutely essential reference for the paradigm shifters of the future.
Well, he's done it. He's taken what he did with 7 Habits and The 8th Habit and knocked his game up not just to the next level but several levels higher. This book is pure transformation waiting to happen. Covey unfolds how the principles of his 7 Habits can help us to unite with those who disagree with us to form new solutions that none of us could have imagined individually. The process contains four steps: I See Myself, I See You, I Seek You Out, and I Synergize With You. Each of these steps requires its own paradigm shift, and each of those shifts is counterintuitive. Yet Covey shows how this process can help us to create solutions to real problems in the workplace, in the home, in our communities and nation, and in the world.
What I like best about his book is the new way I have been shown to view other people, especially those who disagree with me. Part of what keeps us apart is constantly seeing others through labels and preconceived identities. If we seek to understand, it is usually to know what is wrong with the other side, not to comprehend the unique human being in front of us. We defend ourselves and our position, making war on each other. Covey shows how to look past the labels and see the human being on the other "side". At a time in our history when our nation is more divided and polarized than ever, Covey demonstrates how we can heal the breach.
And the best part is that no one has to give up anything. The solution is a synergistic effect that provides more than either side could have imagined otherwise. This is not compromise, a transaction in which the pie is divided among different parties. This is transformation, an experience in which the pie gets so exponentially bigger that everyone can't help but win. Employees and employers can both have what they want without giving up anything. Husband and wife can both be satisfied in a truly fulfilling marriage. Parent and child can grow together. Different political factions within a nation can join hands to solve real problems. International groups can make the world a better place.
This book is a definite must-read for anyone seeking to live life on a higher plane of existence, one in which we don't have to agree with each other in order to have peace and prosperity. Every dilemma between two seemingly implacable choices is false. Covey shows how to step outside that binary world and embrace one of infinite possibility. Don't just read this book. Buy it, study it, eat it, sleep it, and breathe it. It's an absolutely essential reference for the paradigm shifters of the future.
Read
November 14, 2012أنهيت للتو رائعة رائد التنمية البشرية ستيفن كوفي، الذي ذاع صيته من كتابه الشهير العادات السبع للناس الأكثر فعاليه، هذا الكتاب طويل يناهز 500 صفحة كما ذكرت في تعليق سابق، وكل الحديث عن فكرة واحدة، تعاد وتكرر ويسهب الحديث فيها ألا وهي دائما التفكير بأسلوب غير نمطي، لا أن تحل المشكلة وتفكر فيها بين بديلين لا ثالث لهما، يعني لسنا نحن في مقابل هم ، علينا ان نقول ماذا علينا أن نفعل.
الفصول التالية لمقدمة الكتاب والتي شرحت بإسهاب المهادلة التالية: انا ارى نفسي بتمعن بعيد عن برمجة سابقة، وأنا أرى الآخر كما هو، أنا أبحث عنك عن شئ مشترك بيننا عن أمر يجعلنا نخرج من اطار تفكيرنا المسبق، لننتج تعاونا ابداعيا "بديل ثالث"، الفصول التالية كانت لتطبيق هذه الفكرة في مجالات العمل، المدرسة، البيت، المجتمع، العمل، الحياة.
مما يعطي للكتاب روحا وإثارة هي تلك الأمثلة التي كان عمادها أناس لم يرضوا بالحلول التقليدية وأرادوا ان يكونوا بمنأى عن التفكير النمطي لحل المشكلات، فأبدعوا بذيلا ثالثا"
الغريب ان الكاتب يرى حل مشكلة الفلسطينين والاسرائيلين بمنطق المبدأ الثالث ، غريب كيف له أن يقارن بين هذه المشكلة وبين مشكلة عدم انضباط مدرسة او مشاكل انبعاث الغازات السامة او انتشار جريمة في حي ما، هذه المشكلات البديل الثالث متاح فيها وبقوة، اما تلك فهي مبدأ لا مجال للنقاش والخوض فيه.
حاولت ان اقرأ الكتاب ببطء مما أتاح لي فرصة التأمل والتفكر في بدائل ثالثة للمشكلات من حولي، وهذا ما حصل، فما زلت مقتنعا بأن قراءة كتب التنية البشرية بلا تطبيق يولد ردة فعل سلبية تجاه خذا الفن وكتبه ورواده.
تقييمي للكتاب ٩ من عشرة
April 30, 2023
1-16-12
Covey continues his Seven Habits and expands on overcoming all conflicts and "false dilemmas" with four step processes of better understanding the other in order to understand yourself. Empathic Listening and agreeing to respect one another no matter how adamant you were in your position in order to rise to a higher, better 3rd Alternative.
These are only a portion of the highlights:
72
“The demand for fairness can be the enemy of trust. Mutual trust is founded [up]on reciprocity, which requires we reach out to value the other side….If we spend our energy negotiating who gets 49 and who gets 51, we kill trust in our quest for fairness.”
Charles H. Green, “Get Beyond Fairness”
WHAT DOES SUCCESS LOOK LIKE?
In creating CRITERIA FOR SUCCESS, ask:
Is everyone involved in setting criteria?
Are we getting as many ideas from as many people as possible?
What outcomes do we really want? What is the real job to be done?
What outcomes would be wins for everyone?
Are we looking past our entrenched demands to something better?
80 - MAGIC THEATER
much more than simply brainstorming. Gathering to Storyboard, graph, offer wild and crazy ideas, go crazy and letting AS MANY POSSIBILITIES FROM AS MANY DIVERSE VOICES AS SOON AS POSSIBLE!
With Brainstorming, there’s a finiteness to that process, where often not everyone is heard. EVERY MUST SPEAK in Magic Theater
With M.T, the process is organic and constantly changing.
Possibilities for greater collaboration now and down the line are greater
What I really love about this, we have been teaching our kids this for decades now, Brainstorming, and while reading I was smiling, remembering how my scholars have consistently surprised me when I throw them the GENERAL criteria and they do so much more with it than I every could’ve imagined. From Val, Mohammad and Leon’s video on Ramayana, the high-quality video movies others produced with the following year’s Photo Essays, particularly Junior’s video, though he never actually went out on that field trip, his research and voice-over narrating the whole thing was highly effective.
We have been forcing the most unlikely groupings and this has led to further friendships, collaborations and growth beyond the traditional same groups, same-same; producing dried and tried crap without expecting them to break the mold, invent NEW templates that the next group will see [modelled], and expected to “top that!”
M.T. is even better, and I can’t wait to set this in motion, seeing the amazing things that arise from this.
93 - Wear them out LISTENING
96 - “Compromise is the polite outcome to Scarcity Thinking
98 - Conflict as fertile ground, not a battleground
- Win-Win Possibilities
Transforming NOT follow-through on Transacting
Where Conflict Resolution is transactional, 3rd Alt is transformational
You see things differently. I need to listen to you
Seeking Out
99 - ENEMIES OF SYNERGY
Hubris
The GET
104++
126 3rd Alternative Teams
¶-3
There are no limits to the size or configuration of a complementary team; it can contain two people or the whole world. But such a team must respect rather than repel differences and be devoid of hubris and territorialism, the great enemies of synergy.
127 Complementary Teams ¶s 1-3
An amazing complementary team is the Intellectual Venture group funded by nathan Myhrvold, former chief technology officer of Microsoft. He brings people together with amazingly divergent backgrounds to solve important problems “for fun and profit,” as he says. One of those problems is how to get vaccines to people in developing countries and save millions of lives.
Vaccines must be kept cold at all times or they spoil and become useless. Even a few minutes of exposure to warm temperatures can destroy a whole shipment of vaccine; then lives are lost and millions of dollars are wasted. This is easy to avoid in developed countries with refrigeration and stable power supplies; but it is a big problem in developing countries. To solve the problem, Myhrvold brought together at his laboratory in Washington a very unusual team: experts in vending machines, coffee dispensers, and automatic weapons. Their invention looks like a large Thermos bottle; inside is another bottle where the vaccines are kept, and between the the bottles is a reservoir of cold liquid nitrogen. For the vaccine to stay cold, the bottle can’t be opened, so a trigger ejects a vial of vaccine like a vending machine ejects a can of soda. To maintain the seal and keep warm air out, the dispenser works like the bullet magazine of an AK-47. This low-cost contraption can keep vaccines cold for up to six months with no power source at all--and save millions of people from debilitating disease.
Meanwhile, the 2-Alt thinking grinds along. Politicians, businesses people, economists, and engineers argue over how to provide stable electric power and refrigeration to developing countries. They fight over socialism versus capitalism, corporations versus populists, renewable energy versus fossil fuels. These territorial fights might be engaging, but while the powerful debate, the powerless sicken and die for lack of viable vaccines. Myhrvold says, “A better vaccine container may be a band-aid to the real problem of poverty and under development, but it can make a huge difference to millions of children, alleviating the disease burden for entire generations that would otherwise fall sick while waiting for the wheels of progress to develop their society.”
“On Delivering Vaccines,” Seedmagazine.com Dec. 30, 2010
http://seedmagazine.com/content/artic....
136 “Positive Gangs”
Eward de Bono’s, “Positive Gangs” analogy of home buyers purchasing their homes, at today’s prices instead of holding out a few months for speculated prices to fall, with the written contract that should the price drop a certain percentage, the seller will refund that portion you were waiting for.
AHEM! This doesn’t work. The prices continue to go down because fewer people are buying, SUPPLY n DEMAND - So if a few 100 thousand BUY at today’s higher prices, the market is corrected, and prices stablise or RISE.
However, I do agree with the gathering of people and provide them with what they’re looking for - POSITIVE ALTERNATIVES. This is exactly what I’ll be doing with 180 Degrees and other organization in the very near future.
March 2, 2009 http://sixthinkinghats.blogspot.com
160—Circles of Control— Entire Page
174 - 5 Well-Intention Parents not Helping Children Navigating Conflict
Here Covey explains how many parents, in attempts to GIVE their kids answers or FIX their problems, they are short-changing them from having to learn to problem-solve or to show maturity or growth by letting them come to solutions on their own. Parents are there to listen, but often we try to “make it easier” for them and GIVE them easy outs or solutions since we’ve often been there before.
178 last ¶
I love how in the mock-conflict discussion with a 3rd Alt lens, both sides [but particularly the adult or the more mature party] must agree to accept the 3rd Alt, because there are NO GUARANTEES that this outcome will be what you will be 100% comfortable with. Or, as Covey writes:
“By definition, you don’t know what it [3rd Alt] will be. There’s always a risk in going for the 3rd Alt; you have no guarantee that you’ll arrive at something better. You don’t know where your daughter will end up in this journey of feelings. But if you fail to listen empathically, I guarantee you will throw up thick walls between yourself and your daughter, walls of misunderstanding and pain. Breaking through those walls can be tough indeed.” — ¶ 9
179—Xhosa South African Tribe’s Xotla Talking Stick Resolutions
184—Islamic sages: “Knowledge that takes you not beyond yourself is far worse than ignorance.”
186—ALL—Getting to that Third Space—Magic Theatre [revisited]
“Where we are is where we’ve never been.”
Rather than dragging you over to my view or abdicating to your view, we look for a new place that incorporates the best of both of our insights. In the Third Space, we “make a fundamental shift from dualistic, exclusive perceptions of reality and adopt a mind-set that integrates the complementary aspect of diverse values, behaviors, and beliefs into a new whole.” — ¶ 3
Your way VS. My way become OUR WAY through this dramatic paradigm shift in how we approach [family/personal] conflicts.
From the bottom of 186-7 there’s a great sample dialogue for parents and kids to actually practice. Switching or Role-playing would be a fun exercise to better understand how things could go drastically wrong and how to stir things to that positive 3rd Alt a bit easier.
TED TALKS
________________________________________________________
TED.com
156—The Politics of Fiction, by Elif Shafak [19:46]
http://www.ted.com/talks/elif_shafak_...
179— Zainab Salbi: Women, Wartime, and the Dream of Peace [19:47]
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SS8T-f...
Uploaded by TEDtalksDirector on Nov 24, 2010
http://www.ted.com
Zainab Salbi tells powerful "backline" stories of women who keep everyday life going during conflicts
211 ALL
Ory Okolloh: On Becoming an Activist
Ms. Shafak, while brilliant, crammed about three hours of information into 19 minutes on her Ted Talks. I swear, she took maybe six breaths!
Salbi's and Okolloh's are equally brilliant, though far easier to digest. I'll have to watch Shafak's a couple more times. Though I paused many times, taking notes, I feel I need to hear it through some more.
1-20-12
Always believe your most important work is ahead of you, never behind you. It's essential to live with that thought. Regardless of what you have or haven't accomplished, you have important contributions to make. You may do different work than you've done in the past; it may be significant in different ways; but it is important work nevertheless, especially if you can positively impact the lives of others. We should avoid the temptation to keep looking over our shoulder in the rearview mirror at what we have done and instead look ahead with optimism.
pg 416
Covey continues his Seven Habits and expands on overcoming all conflicts and "false dilemmas" with four step processes of better understanding the other in order to understand yourself. Empathic Listening and agreeing to respect one another no matter how adamant you were in your position in order to rise to a higher, better 3rd Alternative.
These are only a portion of the highlights:
72
“The demand for fairness can be the enemy of trust. Mutual trust is founded [up]on reciprocity, which requires we reach out to value the other side….If we spend our energy negotiating who gets 49 and who gets 51, we kill trust in our quest for fairness.”
Charles H. Green, “Get Beyond Fairness”
WHAT DOES SUCCESS LOOK LIKE?
In creating CRITERIA FOR SUCCESS, ask:
Is everyone involved in setting criteria?
Are we getting as many ideas from as many people as possible?
What outcomes do we really want? What is the real job to be done?
What outcomes would be wins for everyone?
Are we looking past our entrenched demands to something better?
80 - MAGIC THEATER
much more than simply brainstorming. Gathering to Storyboard, graph, offer wild and crazy ideas, go crazy and letting AS MANY POSSIBILITIES FROM AS MANY DIVERSE VOICES AS SOON AS POSSIBLE!
With Brainstorming, there’s a finiteness to that process, where often not everyone is heard. EVERY MUST SPEAK in Magic Theater
With M.T, the process is organic and constantly changing.
Possibilities for greater collaboration now and down the line are greater
What I really love about this, we have been teaching our kids this for decades now, Brainstorming, and while reading I was smiling, remembering how my scholars have consistently surprised me when I throw them the GENERAL criteria and they do so much more with it than I every could’ve imagined. From Val, Mohammad and Leon’s video on Ramayana, the high-quality video movies others produced with the following year’s Photo Essays, particularly Junior’s video, though he never actually went out on that field trip, his research and voice-over narrating the whole thing was highly effective.
We have been forcing the most unlikely groupings and this has led to further friendships, collaborations and growth beyond the traditional same groups, same-same; producing dried and tried crap without expecting them to break the mold, invent NEW templates that the next group will see [modelled], and expected to “top that!”
M.T. is even better, and I can’t wait to set this in motion, seeing the amazing things that arise from this.
93 - Wear them out LISTENING
96 - “Compromise is the polite outcome to Scarcity Thinking
98 - Conflict as fertile ground, not a battleground
- Win-Win Possibilities
Transforming NOT follow-through on Transacting
Where Conflict Resolution is transactional, 3rd Alt is transformational
You see things differently. I need to listen to you
Seeking Out
99 - ENEMIES OF SYNERGY
Hubris
The GET
104++
126 3rd Alternative Teams
¶-3
There are no limits to the size or configuration of a complementary team; it can contain two people or the whole world. But such a team must respect rather than repel differences and be devoid of hubris and territorialism, the great enemies of synergy.
127 Complementary Teams ¶s 1-3
An amazing complementary team is the Intellectual Venture group funded by nathan Myhrvold, former chief technology officer of Microsoft. He brings people together with amazingly divergent backgrounds to solve important problems “for fun and profit,” as he says. One of those problems is how to get vaccines to people in developing countries and save millions of lives.
Vaccines must be kept cold at all times or they spoil and become useless. Even a few minutes of exposure to warm temperatures can destroy a whole shipment of vaccine; then lives are lost and millions of dollars are wasted. This is easy to avoid in developed countries with refrigeration and stable power supplies; but it is a big problem in developing countries. To solve the problem, Myhrvold brought together at his laboratory in Washington a very unusual team: experts in vending machines, coffee dispensers, and automatic weapons. Their invention looks like a large Thermos bottle; inside is another bottle where the vaccines are kept, and between the the bottles is a reservoir of cold liquid nitrogen. For the vaccine to stay cold, the bottle can’t be opened, so a trigger ejects a vial of vaccine like a vending machine ejects a can of soda. To maintain the seal and keep warm air out, the dispenser works like the bullet magazine of an AK-47. This low-cost contraption can keep vaccines cold for up to six months with no power source at all--and save millions of people from debilitating disease.
Meanwhile, the 2-Alt thinking grinds along. Politicians, businesses people, economists, and engineers argue over how to provide stable electric power and refrigeration to developing countries. They fight over socialism versus capitalism, corporations versus populists, renewable energy versus fossil fuels. These territorial fights might be engaging, but while the powerful debate, the powerless sicken and die for lack of viable vaccines. Myhrvold says, “A better vaccine container may be a band-aid to the real problem of poverty and under development, but it can make a huge difference to millions of children, alleviating the disease burden for entire generations that would otherwise fall sick while waiting for the wheels of progress to develop their society.”
“On Delivering Vaccines,” Seedmagazine.com Dec. 30, 2010
http://seedmagazine.com/content/artic....
136 “Positive Gangs”
Eward de Bono’s, “Positive Gangs” analogy of home buyers purchasing their homes, at today’s prices instead of holding out a few months for speculated prices to fall, with the written contract that should the price drop a certain percentage, the seller will refund that portion you were waiting for.
AHEM! This doesn’t work. The prices continue to go down because fewer people are buying, SUPPLY n DEMAND - So if a few 100 thousand BUY at today’s higher prices, the market is corrected, and prices stablise or RISE.
However, I do agree with the gathering of people and provide them with what they’re looking for - POSITIVE ALTERNATIVES. This is exactly what I’ll be doing with 180 Degrees and other organization in the very near future.
March 2, 2009 http://sixthinkinghats.blogspot.com
160—Circles of Control— Entire Page
174 - 5 Well-Intention Parents not Helping Children Navigating Conflict
Here Covey explains how many parents, in attempts to GIVE their kids answers or FIX their problems, they are short-changing them from having to learn to problem-solve or to show maturity or growth by letting them come to solutions on their own. Parents are there to listen, but often we try to “make it easier” for them and GIVE them easy outs or solutions since we’ve often been there before.
178 last ¶
I love how in the mock-conflict discussion with a 3rd Alt lens, both sides [but particularly the adult or the more mature party] must agree to accept the 3rd Alt, because there are NO GUARANTEES that this outcome will be what you will be 100% comfortable with. Or, as Covey writes:
“By definition, you don’t know what it [3rd Alt] will be. There’s always a risk in going for the 3rd Alt; you have no guarantee that you’ll arrive at something better. You don’t know where your daughter will end up in this journey of feelings. But if you fail to listen empathically, I guarantee you will throw up thick walls between yourself and your daughter, walls of misunderstanding and pain. Breaking through those walls can be tough indeed.” — ¶ 9
179—Xhosa South African Tribe’s Xotla Talking Stick Resolutions
184—Islamic sages: “Knowledge that takes you not beyond yourself is far worse than ignorance.”
186—ALL—Getting to that Third Space—Magic Theatre [revisited]
“Where we are is where we’ve never been.”
Rather than dragging you over to my view or abdicating to your view, we look for a new place that incorporates the best of both of our insights. In the Third Space, we “make a fundamental shift from dualistic, exclusive perceptions of reality and adopt a mind-set that integrates the complementary aspect of diverse values, behaviors, and beliefs into a new whole.” — ¶ 3
Your way VS. My way become OUR WAY through this dramatic paradigm shift in how we approach [family/personal] conflicts.
From the bottom of 186-7 there’s a great sample dialogue for parents and kids to actually practice. Switching or Role-playing would be a fun exercise to better understand how things could go drastically wrong and how to stir things to that positive 3rd Alt a bit easier.
TED TALKS
________________________________________________________
TED.com
156—The Politics of Fiction, by Elif Shafak [19:46]
http://www.ted.com/talks/elif_shafak_...
179— Zainab Salbi: Women, Wartime, and the Dream of Peace [19:47]
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SS8T-f...
Uploaded by TEDtalksDirector on Nov 24, 2010
http://www.ted.com
Zainab Salbi tells powerful "backline" stories of women who keep everyday life going during conflicts
211 ALL
Ory Okolloh: On Becoming an Activist
Ms. Shafak, while brilliant, crammed about three hours of information into 19 minutes on her Ted Talks. I swear, she took maybe six breaths!
Salbi's and Okolloh's are equally brilliant, though far easier to digest. I'll have to watch Shafak's a couple more times. Though I paused many times, taking notes, I feel I need to hear it through some more.
1-20-12
Always believe your most important work is ahead of you, never behind you. It's essential to live with that thought. Regardless of what you have or haven't accomplished, you have important contributions to make. You may do different work than you've done in the past; it may be significant in different ways; but it is important work nevertheless, especially if you can positively impact the lives of others. We should avoid the temptation to keep looking over our shoulder in the rearview mirror at what we have done and instead look ahead with optimism.
pg 416
June 12, 2016
مراجعة كتاب ( البديل الثالث )
المؤلف : ستيفن كوفي
عدد الصفحات : ٤٨٦
تتضمن معظم الصراعات طرفين ، فالبديل الأول هو طريقي ، والبديل الثاني هو طريقك . ويمكننا من خلال البديل الثالث (التعاون الإبداعي) صناعة (طريقنا) وهو طريق أرقى لكلينا وأفضل لحل الصراع .
استطاع المؤلف اقناع القارئ بفكرة البديل الثالث وقد اعطى نماذج وقصص حقيقية وقعت وشهد لها النجاح باستخدام مفهوم البديل الثالث بعد أن ظن طرفي الصراع أن لا حل إلا بالمحاكم .
الخطوات الأربع للتعاون الإبداعي :
1. طرح سؤال البديل الثالث : هل لدينا الاستعداد للبحث عن حل أفضل من الحلول التي يعتقدها كل منا ؟
2. تعريف معايير النجاح للحل.
3. ابتكار البديل الثالث
4. التوصل للتعاون الابداعي
حيث يجب على الطرفين الاستماع ( المتفهم ) لكل طرف بحيث يضع كل منهما نفسه مكان الآخر ويعيش حالته ليشعر بما يشعر به الطرف الآخر وما هي مبرراته وقد استخدم مصطلح ( العصا الناطقة ) لهكذا استماع نسبة لما كانت تستخدمه بعض القبائل القديمة في أمريكا .
بعد أن شرح المؤلف مفهوم البديل الثالث أوضح تطبيقاته في عدة مجالات ( العمل ، البيت ، المدرسة ، البديل الثالث والقانون ، المجتمع ، العالم ) وأورد في كل مجال قصص ناجحة استخدمت البديل الثالث لحل الصراع القائم فيه .
ختم المؤلف الكتاب بتوضيح ما يجب ان يتصف به مُستخدم البديل الثالث وعنونه ( من الداخل إلى الخارج ) وهي ٢٠ وصية أخلاقية مفيدة جدا في تطوير القوة الداخلية والشعور بالأمان الكافيين للتوصل لحلول قائمة على البديل الثالث .
الكتاب رائع وفي رأيي من المفترض أن تتضمنه مناهجنا الدراسية هو مع كتابه السابق ( العادات السبع للناس الأكثر فعالية ) لما له من تأثير كبير على صقل شخصية الفرد ليكون فعالا في مجتمعه .
محمد معيوف
المؤلف : ستيفن كوفي
عدد الصفحات : ٤٨٦
تتضمن معظم الصراعات طرفين ، فالبديل الأول هو طريقي ، والبديل الثاني هو طريقك . ويمكننا من خلال البديل الثالث (التعاون الإبداعي) صناعة (طريقنا) وهو طريق أرقى لكلينا وأفضل لحل الصراع .
استطاع المؤلف اقناع القارئ بفكرة البديل الثالث وقد اعطى نماذج وقصص حقيقية وقعت وشهد لها النجاح باستخدام مفهوم البديل الثالث بعد أن ظن طرفي الصراع أن لا حل إلا بالمحاكم .
الخطوات الأربع للتعاون الإبداعي :
1. طرح سؤال البديل الثالث : هل لدينا الاستعداد للبحث عن حل أفضل من الحلول التي يعتقدها كل منا ؟
2. تعريف معايير النجاح للحل.
3. ابتكار البديل الثالث
4. التوصل للتعاون الابداعي
حيث يجب على الطرفين الاستماع ( المتفهم ) لكل طرف بحيث يضع كل منهما نفسه مكان الآخر ويعيش حالته ليشعر بما يشعر به الطرف الآخر وما هي مبرراته وقد استخدم مصطلح ( العصا الناطقة ) لهكذا استماع نسبة لما كانت تستخدمه بعض القبائل القديمة في أمريكا .
بعد أن شرح المؤلف مفهوم البديل الثالث أوضح تطبيقاته في عدة مجالات ( العمل ، البيت ، المدرسة ، البديل الثالث والقانون ، المجتمع ، العالم ) وأورد في كل مجال قصص ناجحة استخدمت البديل الثالث لحل الصراع القائم فيه .
ختم المؤلف الكتاب بتوضيح ما يجب ان يتصف به مُستخدم البديل الثالث وعنونه ( من الداخل إلى الخارج ) وهي ٢٠ وصية أخلاقية مفيدة جدا في تطوير القوة الداخلية والشعور بالأمان الكافيين للتوصل لحلول قائمة على البديل الثالث .
الكتاب رائع وفي رأيي من المفترض أن تتضمنه مناهجنا الدراسية هو مع كتابه السابق ( العادات السبع للناس الأكثر فعالية ) لما له من تأثير كبير على صقل شخصية الفرد ليكون فعالا في مجتمعه .
محمد معيوف
January 22, 2012
Covey has done a lot of good. His "Seven Habits" is THE self-improvement primer to a successful life. The habit -- begin with the end in mind -- is at the root of all of my "Working Differently" efforts.
"The 3rd Alternative" could have been so much more. I think Covey is right to try to modernize the Hegelian philosophy of thesis-antithesis-hypothesis. Though he fails to mention or credit Hegel, there is a powerful need in today's polarized debate to insert this leaven of humility. That, in fact, truth (solution) is an amalgam of multiple points of view. As Covey correctly states: this is not compromise but actually something beyond; something transcendent of the ideological or strategic limits so far permitted.
The missing piece (and what in the end leaves this effort inert) is that Covey fails to deal with two corseting postures in today's arena. First, there is not universal value in solutions. And, second there is a profound diminishing in our belief that solutions are achievable. These two constraints may be mirror images of each other, but their cancer affects our individual, organizational and community urge to act. And this passivity keeps us out of the arena and therefor unaccommodating to a "3rd Alternative."
"The 3rd Alternative" could have been so much more. I think Covey is right to try to modernize the Hegelian philosophy of thesis-antithesis-hypothesis. Though he fails to mention or credit Hegel, there is a powerful need in today's polarized debate to insert this leaven of humility. That, in fact, truth (solution) is an amalgam of multiple points of view. As Covey correctly states: this is not compromise but actually something beyond; something transcendent of the ideological or strategic limits so far permitted.
The missing piece (and what in the end leaves this effort inert) is that Covey fails to deal with two corseting postures in today's arena. First, there is not universal value in solutions. And, second there is a profound diminishing in our belief that solutions are achievable. These two constraints may be mirror images of each other, but their cancer affects our individual, organizational and community urge to act. And this passivity keeps us out of the arena and therefor unaccommodating to a "3rd Alternative."
March 21, 2020
In mijn kortstondige carrière als matige Goodreads boek-recensent heb ik nog niet heel vaak het genoegen gehad om een negatieve review uit te typen. Nu stellen mijn recensies sowieso vrij weinig voor om eerlijk te zijn. Het lukt me nooit om de pracht of essentie van een vier- of vijfsterrenboek op een levende manier te omschrijven, mijn opbouwende kritiek van 3-sterrenboeken raakt ook kant noch wal. Maar oh boy, een boek quasi afbranden op Goodreads wordt door mij gezien als prima vermaak op de zaterdagmorgen gedurende de Coronacrisis.
Laat ik beginnen met te vermelden dat ik echt wel achter de lessen uit dit boek sta. Het gaat er min of meer over dat we te erg verwikkeld zijn in een denksysteem dat bestaat uit twee mogelijkheden. Het is het een of het ander. Echter hoeft dit helemaal niet zo te zijn zolang je openstaat voor de ander en samen bereid bent om te zoeken naar het zogeheten heilige Derde Alternatief. Hiervoor zijn drie stappen:
1. Ik zie mezelf --> Ik sta zelf open om mijn gedachte te laten veranderen en ik zie mezelf als iemand die synergie wil creëren. Ik wil het beste uit mezelf en de situatie halen
2. Ik zie jou --> Ik probeer je echt te begrijpen en de reden achter je handelen te vinden. Pas bij echt begrip kan er verandering komen
3. Ik zoek je op --> Ik stel voor om samen een beter idee te vinden dan we beide afzonderlijk van elkaar hebben bedacht
4. Ik creëer synergie met jou --> *poef*, het derde alternatief is daar.
Zit opzich solid in elkaar toch? Is opzich duidelijk toch? Hier, het hele bericht ban het boek samengevat in, pak hem beet, honderd woorden. Ik stuur jullie wel een tikkie zodat jullie me kunnen bedanken hiervoor. Want zonder dat jullie weten heb ik jullie VIERHONDERDVIJFTIG bladzijden aan, nou ja, EXACT DIT bespaart. Echt, hoelang wil je een boek rekken. Hoeveel voorbeelden wil je geven. Had het bij het eerste en laatste hoofdstuk gelaten en het was echt gewoon een een pover boekje geweest, maar dit slaat echt alles.
Het boek is zo lang omdat er zó véél vóórbeelden worden genoemd van hoe dit werkt. Zonder overal een bronvermelding bij te zetten overigens, dus de kans dat sommige verhalen pure fictie zijn sluit ik niet eens helemaal uit. Zo kan ik ook een boek schrijven. Volgende keer in APA graag, Covey.
Een hoofdstukje over zeven wijden aan synergie op het werk, thuis, de wet, de samenleving en wat dan ook meer. Zo lees je in het stukje over familie bijvoorbeeld hoe de voltallige familie Covey elkaars ego streelt om te zeggen hoe goed ze zelf met situaties zijn omgegaan. Nu is er een kritiek op DWDD dat dat een circlejerk van de media is, wat misschien ook wel waar is. Nou, het hoofdstuk over synergie in de familie is ook een circlejerk, met het enige verschil dat het in dit geval ook nog eens incest is. En incest is illegaal. In het hoofdstuk over synergie in de wereld wordt het Israël-Palestina zo erg versimpeld dat het bijna lachwekkend is. In andere hoofdstukken wordt een puur Amerikaans probleem gepresenteerd als een mondiale kwestie. En dat allemaal doordrenkt met een die Christelijke moraal. Ja, daar kan je niet heel veel mee. Bespaar je de moeite, dan zal ik dat voortaan ook doen om een boek als dit uit te lezen.
Laat ik beginnen met te vermelden dat ik echt wel achter de lessen uit dit boek sta. Het gaat er min of meer over dat we te erg verwikkeld zijn in een denksysteem dat bestaat uit twee mogelijkheden. Het is het een of het ander. Echter hoeft dit helemaal niet zo te zijn zolang je openstaat voor de ander en samen bereid bent om te zoeken naar het zogeheten heilige Derde Alternatief. Hiervoor zijn drie stappen:
1. Ik zie mezelf --> Ik sta zelf open om mijn gedachte te laten veranderen en ik zie mezelf als iemand die synergie wil creëren. Ik wil het beste uit mezelf en de situatie halen
2. Ik zie jou --> Ik probeer je echt te begrijpen en de reden achter je handelen te vinden. Pas bij echt begrip kan er verandering komen
3. Ik zoek je op --> Ik stel voor om samen een beter idee te vinden dan we beide afzonderlijk van elkaar hebben bedacht
4. Ik creëer synergie met jou --> *poef*, het derde alternatief is daar.
Zit opzich solid in elkaar toch? Is opzich duidelijk toch? Hier, het hele bericht ban het boek samengevat in, pak hem beet, honderd woorden. Ik stuur jullie wel een tikkie zodat jullie me kunnen bedanken hiervoor. Want zonder dat jullie weten heb ik jullie VIERHONDERDVIJFTIG bladzijden aan, nou ja, EXACT DIT bespaart. Echt, hoelang wil je een boek rekken. Hoeveel voorbeelden wil je geven. Had het bij het eerste en laatste hoofdstuk gelaten en het was echt gewoon een een pover boekje geweest, maar dit slaat echt alles.
Het boek is zo lang omdat er zó véél vóórbeelden worden genoemd van hoe dit werkt. Zonder overal een bronvermelding bij te zetten overigens, dus de kans dat sommige verhalen pure fictie zijn sluit ik niet eens helemaal uit. Zo kan ik ook een boek schrijven. Volgende keer in APA graag, Covey.
Een hoofdstukje over zeven wijden aan synergie op het werk, thuis, de wet, de samenleving en wat dan ook meer. Zo lees je in het stukje over familie bijvoorbeeld hoe de voltallige familie Covey elkaars ego streelt om te zeggen hoe goed ze zelf met situaties zijn omgegaan. Nu is er een kritiek op DWDD dat dat een circlejerk van de media is, wat misschien ook wel waar is. Nou, het hoofdstuk over synergie in de familie is ook een circlejerk, met het enige verschil dat het in dit geval ook nog eens incest is. En incest is illegaal. In het hoofdstuk over synergie in de wereld wordt het Israël-Palestina zo erg versimpeld dat het bijna lachwekkend is. In andere hoofdstukken wordt een puur Amerikaans probleem gepresenteerd als een mondiale kwestie. En dat allemaal doordrenkt met een die Christelijke moraal. Ja, daar kan je niet heel veel mee. Bespaar je de moeite, dan zal ik dat voortaan ook doen om een boek als dit uit te lezen.
October 16, 2016
كتاب البديل الثالث
المؤلف: ستيفن كوفي
عدد الصفحات: 486 صفحة
التقييم: 5 نجوم
من الصراع للسلام
من المشاكل للحلول
و من الاختلاف للتفاهم
عبر استراتيجية البديل الثالث التي يشرحها ستيفن بدايةً و من ثم يردف تدريبات عملية تطبيقية لتعلمها بعد كل فصل من فصول الكتاب و تلك الفصول كلٌ منها يمثّل ميداناً لمعترك الحياة.
اقتباسٌ في ذلك: "ثمة طريقة لحل أصعب المشاكل التي تواجهنا بما فيها تلك التي تبدو مستعصية على الحل. ثمة طريقة لاجتياز كل مآزق الحياة، و الانقسامات العميقة فيها، ثمة طريقة للأمام و ليست هذه الطريقة هي الطريق الذي تعتبره أنت الطريق الصحيح، و لا ما أعتبره أنا الطريق الصحيح، فهو طريق سريع يتجاوز كلا الطريقين، إنّه طريق أفضل مما ظن كل منا، و أنا أسمي هذا الطريق (البديل الثالث)".
كان توظيفه لبعض الرمزيات الثقافية و الحضارية لبعض القبائل و الشعوب موفقاً جداً و إبداعياً، من قبيل "العصا الناطقة" و "المسرح المسحور" المُلهم من رواية لهيرمان هس، هذه الرمزيات طوت الكثير من المضامين التي أرتأى الكاتب إيصالها للقارئ لتكون بمتناول يده لتطبيق آلياتها وصولاً للتعاون الإبداعي و البديل الثالث.
الصبغة النفسية و البُعد الإنساني كان طاغياً جداً نظراً لكثرة رجوعه لفلاسفة و علماء نفسانيين مثل كارل روجرز الذي كان اسماً لامعاً في الكتاب، و يتضح تأثره الشديد بنظريته حول الذات الإنسانية و العلاج النفسي المتمركز حول العميل بتطبيق بعض فنيّاته في خطوات الوصول للبديل الثالث.
الكتاب عميق و مُركّز و يفتح لقارئه أبعاداً على مختلف مستويات الحياة، و قد أضافت الامثلة القصصية ثراءًا و خصوبةً لفكرة الكتاب.
وجدته كتاباً اشتقت لإعادة تجربة قراءته فور انتهائي منه!
المؤلف: ستيفن كوفي
عدد الصفحات: 486 صفحة
التقييم: 5 نجوم
من الصراع للسلام
من المشاكل للحلول
و من الاختلاف للتفاهم
عبر استراتيجية البديل الثالث التي يشرحها ستيفن بدايةً و من ثم يردف تدريبات عملية تطبيقية لتعلمها بعد كل فصل من فصول الكتاب و تلك الفصول كلٌ منها يمثّل ميداناً لمعترك الحياة.
اقتباسٌ في ذلك: "ثمة طريقة لحل أصعب المشاكل التي تواجهنا بما فيها تلك التي تبدو مستعصية على الحل. ثمة طريقة لاجتياز كل مآزق الحياة، و الانقسامات العميقة فيها، ثمة طريقة للأمام و ليست هذه الطريقة هي الطريق الذي تعتبره أنت الطريق الصحيح، و لا ما أعتبره أنا الطريق الصحيح، فهو طريق سريع يتجاوز كلا الطريقين، إنّه طريق أفضل مما ظن كل منا، و أنا أسمي هذا الطريق (البديل الثالث)".
كان توظيفه لبعض الرمزيات الثقافية و الحضارية لبعض القبائل و الشعوب موفقاً جداً و إبداعياً، من قبيل "العصا الناطقة" و "المسرح المسحور" المُلهم من رواية لهيرمان هس، هذه الرمزيات طوت الكثير من المضامين التي أرتأى الكاتب إيصالها للقارئ لتكون بمتناول يده لتطبيق آلياتها وصولاً للتعاون الإبداعي و البديل الثالث.
الصبغة النفسية و البُعد الإنساني كان طاغياً جداً نظراً لكثرة رجوعه لفلاسفة و علماء نفسانيين مثل كارل روجرز الذي كان اسماً لامعاً في الكتاب، و يتضح تأثره الشديد بنظريته حول الذات الإنسانية و العلاج النفسي المتمركز حول العميل بتطبيق بعض فنيّاته في خطوات الوصول للبديل الثالث.
الكتاب عميق و مُركّز و يفتح لقارئه أبعاداً على مختلف مستويات الحياة، و قد أضافت الامثلة القصصية ثراءًا و خصوبةً لفكرة الكتاب.
وجدته كتاباً اشتقت لإعادة تجربة قراءته فور انتهائي منه!
October 7, 2011
This is one of the most important books I've ever read, and it couldn't have come out at a better time. So grateful to Stephen Covey for sharing his wisdom, for rising above the nonsense and for trying to make a huge difference in our world.
June 15, 2019
Teaches a good idea, but could have been expressed in a much, much shorter book.
May 18, 2012
I think the world will be a better place if everyone has read this book. Although I would credit The Harvard Negotiation Project ("Getting to Yes") most for their work on principle based negotiation, Covey takes the concept of negotiating and solving conflicts to a new and higher level. The book gives great examples and hands-on tips. For example, a good opening question is: "are you prepared to work together with me on a better solution than you and I have come up individually?"
January 6, 2018
Stephen Covey provides us with a theoretical model on how to effectively collaborate with other people. Covey focuses on the practical application of business theory. Covey also lists many examples in business and politics throughout this book to make his points.
August 1, 2011
For readers familiar with the 7 Habits, this book delves deeply into Habit 6: Synergize. I won't post a review now because it won't be published until 4 October, 2011.
April 5, 2019
I’ll just say this. With our current political and socially political climate today, everyone needs to read this.
July 18, 2017
For those who view the world in attributes like black or white, conservative or liberal, or yes or no Dr. Covey's book the 3rd Alternative challenges us to think outside of these attributes to come up with new and creative answers.
The first part of this book, Dr. Covey spends time explaining what 3rd alternative thinking is and how to implement it to achieve his famous "win-win" habit. He interjects paradigms that we must focus on to succeed. They are: "I See Myself"; "I See You"; "I Seek You Out"; and "I Synergize With You". Much like his famous 7 Habits book, he goes into detail of what each of these looks like in practice.
The back half of this book he spends time illustrating how people have changed their paradigm and implemented 3rd alternatives in their lives, their communities, their governments and in the world. With few notable exceptions, the people Dr. Covey highlights are not famous and by his own admission you may not have heard of. The people you have heard of, Jimmy Carter for example, you may not know have known the whole story.
Seth Godin, whom I admire and respect, gave 3rd Alternative a high complement saying it was Dr. Covey's most important work to date. Personally out of all of Dr. Covey's books I've read, including the books by his children, The 3rd Alternative may be my least favorite.
It seemed at times to simply be a rebranding of his 7 Habits, which by contrast, in my opinion is one greatest book ever written. By all standards on how I measure books this was still a very good book and the message is one that we should all strive for - Seeking alternatives not just for resolution, but to better humanity.
For me the biggest challenge to this book was staying engaged in the stories. I am unsure if it was because the audiobook narrator was very sterile or if the stories were not engaging enough to draw me in. I'm still amazed that Dr. Covey produced this quality of work approaching his 80th birthday. You would not have known with his sharp wit and his mind is as focused as ever. Even though this is not my favorite book by the Covey families, it is still an excellent read and I would go as far as saying a required read especially for anyone in a situation who feels they only have one of two alternatives to choose from.
The first part of this book, Dr. Covey spends time explaining what 3rd alternative thinking is and how to implement it to achieve his famous "win-win" habit. He interjects paradigms that we must focus on to succeed. They are: "I See Myself"; "I See You"; "I Seek You Out"; and "I Synergize With You". Much like his famous 7 Habits book, he goes into detail of what each of these looks like in practice.
The back half of this book he spends time illustrating how people have changed their paradigm and implemented 3rd alternatives in their lives, their communities, their governments and in the world. With few notable exceptions, the people Dr. Covey highlights are not famous and by his own admission you may not have heard of. The people you have heard of, Jimmy Carter for example, you may not know have known the whole story.
Seth Godin, whom I admire and respect, gave 3rd Alternative a high complement saying it was Dr. Covey's most important work to date. Personally out of all of Dr. Covey's books I've read, including the books by his children, The 3rd Alternative may be my least favorite.
It seemed at times to simply be a rebranding of his 7 Habits, which by contrast, in my opinion is one greatest book ever written. By all standards on how I measure books this was still a very good book and the message is one that we should all strive for - Seeking alternatives not just for resolution, but to better humanity.
For me the biggest challenge to this book was staying engaged in the stories. I am unsure if it was because the audiobook narrator was very sterile or if the stories were not engaging enough to draw me in. I'm still amazed that Dr. Covey produced this quality of work approaching his 80th birthday. You would not have known with his sharp wit and his mind is as focused as ever. Even though this is not my favorite book by the Covey families, it is still an excellent read and I would go as far as saying a required read especially for anyone in a situation who feels they only have one of two alternatives to choose from.
February 14, 2023
Ta không thể ngừng những chuyến đi: ta sẽ uống.
Uống đến giọt cuối cùng: tất cả mọi thời khắc ta đã tận hưởng.
Cùng cực, đã trải qua nỗi đau cùng cực, với tất cả.
Những người yêu thương ta, và riêng mình ta…
Thật nhàm chán khi phải dừng lại, và kết thúc.
Bị bỏ xó han gỉ, chứ không còn được tỏa sáng hữu dụng!
Dù cho còn thở là còn sống. Cuộc sống đóng cọc trên cuộc sống. Tất cả đều quá nhỏ bé…
…Dù cho.
Giờ đây chúng ta không còn có được sức mạnh cường tráng của những ngày  Xa xưa.
Nhưng dù cho trời đất có chuyển dời; chúng ta vẫn cứ là như thế, vẫn cứ là như thế.
Một ngọn lửa nóng âm ỷ cháy của những trái tim anh hùng.
Có bị làm cho yếu ớt đi bởi thời gian và số phận, nhưng vẫn luôn mạnh mẽ trong ý chí.
Để đấu tranh, tìm kiếm, phát hiện, và không bao giờ chịu quy đầu quy phục.
Uống đến giọt cuối cùng: tất cả mọi thời khắc ta đã tận hưởng.
Cùng cực, đã trải qua nỗi đau cùng cực, với tất cả.
Những người yêu thương ta, và riêng mình ta…
Thật nhàm chán khi phải dừng lại, và kết thúc.
Bị bỏ xó han gỉ, chứ không còn được tỏa sáng hữu dụng!
Dù cho còn thở là còn sống. Cuộc sống đóng cọc trên cuộc sống. Tất cả đều quá nhỏ bé…
…Dù cho.
Giờ đây chúng ta không còn có được sức mạnh cường tráng của những ngày  Xa xưa.
Nhưng dù cho trời đất có chuyển dời; chúng ta vẫn cứ là như thế, vẫn cứ là như thế.
Một ngọn lửa nóng âm ỷ cháy của những trái tim anh hùng.
Có bị làm cho yếu ớt đi bởi thời gian và số phận, nhưng vẫn luôn mạnh mẽ trong ý chí.
Để đấu tranh, tìm kiếm, phát hiện, và không bao giờ chịu quy đầu quy phục.
Read
June 27, 2018كان كتاب مثالي فعلا ..
February 22, 2021
Excelente leitura para mudar o paradigma de só existir o certo e o errado.
June 3, 2023
A guide on how to solve any problem by looking for an unobvious solution. The author provides tips on how we can and should solve problems in both professional and private life. Describes many examples of people in conflict situations, which they often considered hopeless, but which were successfully resolved. The book is a great manual with valuable advice that makes conflicts easier to resolve.
July 4, 2017
The book has lots of examples of successfully finding better alternatives - more than I was in the mood for. Here are a couple of things from the book. In the front of the book he says that he has been teaching this all his life, that is seek win-win; seek to find a better alternative than either of you came up with.
"Chapter 5 where he talked about the school system, and some people who dramatically turned around failing schools really touched me."
"The key is the heart. Until we understand people's hearts, not just their minds and ideologies, nothing can happen. That's why it's absolutely essential to create opportunities for people to listen to each other with the heart, mind, and spirit." (p. 402)
"Your success as a 3rd alternative thinker will come from the inside out. I recommend 20 things that I found to be very helpful in developing the inner strength and security to create 3rd alternative solutions:
1 Beware of pride.
2 Learn to say I'm sorry.
3 Be quick to forget perceived slights.
4 Make and keep very small promises to yourself and others.
5 Spend time in nature.
6 Read widely it's one of the best ways to make mental connections and get insights that can lead to 3rd alternatives.
7 Exercise often, every day if possible; and eat healthy food, with balance and moderation.
8 Get enough sleep, at least 7 to 8 hours daily.
9 Study inspiring or sacred literature.
10 Make quiet time for yourself to think through creative 3rd alternative solutions to your challenges.
11 Express love and appreciation to those with whom you associate.
12 You have two ears and one mouth: use them proportionately.
13 Practice being generous with others -- with your time, your heart, your forgiveness, and your affirmation.
14 Avoid comparing yourself to others.
15 Be grateful. Express it.
16 Learn to become enthusiastically relentless about discovering how to create great wins for others -- wins that increased their piece, their happiness, and their prosperity.
17 When things aren't going well, take a break, take a walk around the block, get a good nights sleep, and come back at it with the freshness and perspective of a new day.
18 If you truly can't reach win-win, remember that "no deal" in some cases it's the best alternative.
19 When it's comes to other people, their reactions, their weaknesses, and peculiarities, just smile a lot.
20 Never stop believing in the possibility of a 3rd alternative." (Page 437 -- 438)
"Chapter 5 where he talked about the school system, and some people who dramatically turned around failing schools really touched me."
"The key is the heart. Until we understand people's hearts, not just their minds and ideologies, nothing can happen. That's why it's absolutely essential to create opportunities for people to listen to each other with the heart, mind, and spirit." (p. 402)
"Your success as a 3rd alternative thinker will come from the inside out. I recommend 20 things that I found to be very helpful in developing the inner strength and security to create 3rd alternative solutions:
1 Beware of pride.
2 Learn to say I'm sorry.
3 Be quick to forget perceived slights.
4 Make and keep very small promises to yourself and others.
5 Spend time in nature.
6 Read widely it's one of the best ways to make mental connections and get insights that can lead to 3rd alternatives.
7 Exercise often, every day if possible; and eat healthy food, with balance and moderation.
8 Get enough sleep, at least 7 to 8 hours daily.
9 Study inspiring or sacred literature.
10 Make quiet time for yourself to think through creative 3rd alternative solutions to your challenges.
11 Express love and appreciation to those with whom you associate.
12 You have two ears and one mouth: use them proportionately.
13 Practice being generous with others -- with your time, your heart, your forgiveness, and your affirmation.
14 Avoid comparing yourself to others.
15 Be grateful. Express it.
16 Learn to become enthusiastically relentless about discovering how to create great wins for others -- wins that increased their piece, their happiness, and their prosperity.
17 When things aren't going well, take a break, take a walk around the block, get a good nights sleep, and come back at it with the freshness and perspective of a new day.
18 If you truly can't reach win-win, remember that "no deal" in some cases it's the best alternative.
19 When it's comes to other people, their reactions, their weaknesses, and peculiarities, just smile a lot.
20 Never stop believing in the possibility of a 3rd alternative." (Page 437 -- 438)
March 2, 2013
By the author of "Seven Habits of Highly Effective People," "The Third Alternative advocates synergy as a win-win strategy that is superior to compromise or arbitration or compromise in resolving differences of opinion. One of the best of current self-help authors, Stephen Covey is a master at extracting useful ideas from other writers and presenting them in useful, easily-recalled formulas and equations as an aid to personal and group problem-solving.
The "third alternative" is a proposed way of thinking about problem-solving that goes like this: (1) I see me (2) I see you (3) I seek you out (4) I synergize with you. In order to synergize, one enters a "Magic Theater" (a term borrowed from Hesse's "Steppenwolf") where seemingly crazy and illogical ideas are permitted. One asks a "third alternative" question: what is a solution to this problem that is better than each party might come up with. Next, the criteria of success are defined,and a "third alternative" solution is created and arrived at. Another way of stating this is that both parties see and do and get something using information seen through the eyes of both.
Mr. Covey reinforces these ideas by describing how they might work in different cultures and in different settings such as schools, social services, community building, and religious differences. This book is designed as a textbook with questions and exercises at the end of each chapter. At first glance, the reader is tempted to dismiss "The Third Alternative" as corny and Pollyanna-ish, but as one reads further, the reader sees that the chapters are well-organized and well-developed, and that Mr. Covey (who is a former educator and father of nine) has used his decades of experience in several settings to create another useful self-help book in the tradition of "The Seven Habits." It may not be rocket science, but "The Third Alternative" is recommended to readers as a positive, useful method of considering the other fellow's point of view and resolving conflicts. Parents, teachers, social workers, and community leaders might all consider "the third alternative."
The "third alternative" is a proposed way of thinking about problem-solving that goes like this: (1) I see me (2) I see you (3) I seek you out (4) I synergize with you. In order to synergize, one enters a "Magic Theater" (a term borrowed from Hesse's "Steppenwolf") where seemingly crazy and illogical ideas are permitted. One asks a "third alternative" question: what is a solution to this problem that is better than each party might come up with. Next, the criteria of success are defined,and a "third alternative" solution is created and arrived at. Another way of stating this is that both parties see and do and get something using information seen through the eyes of both.
Mr. Covey reinforces these ideas by describing how they might work in different cultures and in different settings such as schools, social services, community building, and religious differences. This book is designed as a textbook with questions and exercises at the end of each chapter. At first glance, the reader is tempted to dismiss "The Third Alternative" as corny and Pollyanna-ish, but as one reads further, the reader sees that the chapters are well-organized and well-developed, and that Mr. Covey (who is a former educator and father of nine) has used his decades of experience in several settings to create another useful self-help book in the tradition of "The Seven Habits." It may not be rocket science, but "The Third Alternative" is recommended to readers as a positive, useful method of considering the other fellow's point of view and resolving conflicts. Parents, teachers, social workers, and community leaders might all consider "the third alternative."
February 8, 2017
أبدع ستيفن ر. كوفي تأليف هذا الكتاب الذي أصنفه شخصياً ضمن قائمة الكتب التي لا بد من قرائتها، لقد أجاد الكاتب صياغة الفكرة، وأجاد طرحها في الكتاب بدأً من إستعراض مبدأ وآلية التعاون الإبداعي مروراً بتطبيقات هذه الفكرة على عدة مجالات حياتية حساسة ومهمة وإنتهاءاً بالوصايا العشرين التي تساعد على جعل الشخص قادراً أكثر على القيام بالتعاون الإبداعي
أمامنا جميعاً خيارات محدودة في تعاطينا مع بعضنا البعض،
فإما الصراع مع بعضنا البعض
وإما الإنزواء عن بعضنا البعض،
وإما التعاون ..
وإذا كان التعاون هو الخيار فليكن التعاون بشكل إبداعي هو ما يجب أن تكون عليه الأمور
إلا إن التعاون الإبداعي لا يمكن تحقيقه بمجرد الرغبة فيه ...هي مهارة بحاجة إلى تقنيات وممارسات يتطرق لها الكتاب بالتفصيل وبالأمثلة الكثيرة على مختلف الصعد الحياتية
الكتاب ولطبيعة موضوعه الرائع عن التعاون الإبداعي فهو مليء بالأفكار والقصص الرائعة عن مشاريع وأناس رائعين ويعطي دفعة معنوية إيجابية قوية لكي نعطي أفضل ما لدينا في هذه الحياة
أخوكم
محمد الملا
أمامنا جميعاً خيارات محدودة في تعاطينا مع بعضنا البعض،
فإما الصراع مع بعضنا البعض
وإما الإنزواء عن بعضنا البعض،
وإما التعاون ..
وإذا كان التعاون هو الخيار فليكن التعاون بشكل إبداعي هو ما يجب أن تكون عليه الأمور
إلا إن التعاون الإبداعي لا يمكن تحقيقه بمجرد الرغبة فيه ...هي مهارة بحاجة إلى تقنيات وممارسات يتطرق لها الكتاب بالتفصيل وبالأمثلة الكثيرة على مختلف الصعد الحياتية
الكتاب ولطبيعة موضوعه الرائع عن التعاون الإبداعي فهو مليء بالأفكار والقصص الرائعة عن مشاريع وأناس رائعين ويعطي دفعة معنوية إيجابية قوية لكي نعطي أفضل ما لدينا في هذه الحياة
أخوكم
محمد الملا
May 23, 2013
كتابة ريفيو عن الكتاب صعبة جدا بجد
لانه كتاب عميق جدا
وإن كان يؤخذ عليه الإسهاب والتطويل إلا إن عمق الفكرة يتطلب الإسهاب
أعجبتني كثيرا القصص الملهمة والمقولات أيضا الملهمة جدا
((إنني لست مجرد "التوجه الذي أتبناه في أي جدال، فأنا كإنسان أكبر من مجموع تحيزاتي وتحزباتي وتصوراتي. أفكاري لا تحددها بصورة حصرية عائلتي ولا الثقافة التي أعيش فيها ولا الشركة التي أعمل بها))
((إنني لست مجرد كتلة صغيرة أنانية من الشكوى من أن العالم لا يناصر طريقتي في التفكير، فأنا أستطيع أن أنفصل عقليا عن نفسي، وأقيم مدى تأثير النماذج على سلوكياتي -جورج برنارد شو- ))
((أنا لست فقط "بطل قصة حياتي" بل "راوي القصة"))
مدرسة إيه بي كومز لازم لازم لازم أزورها في يوم ما
ثقافة "الأوبونتو" لازم أصل لمرحلة تبنيها بشكل كامل كجزء راسخ في ثقافتي
الشكر له عميقا,,
لانه كتاب عميق جدا
وإن كان يؤخذ عليه الإسهاب والتطويل إلا إن عمق الفكرة يتطلب الإسهاب
أعجبتني كثيرا القصص الملهمة والمقولات أيضا الملهمة جدا
((إنني لست مجرد "التوجه الذي أتبناه في أي جدال، فأنا كإنسان أكبر من مجموع تحيزاتي وتحزباتي وتصوراتي. أفكاري لا تحددها بصورة حصرية عائلتي ولا الثقافة التي أعيش فيها ولا الشركة التي أعمل بها))
((إنني لست مجرد كتلة صغيرة أنانية من الشكوى من أن العالم لا يناصر طريقتي في التفكير، فأنا أستطيع أن أنفصل عقليا عن نفسي، وأقيم مدى تأثير النماذج على سلوكياتي -جورج برنارد شو- ))
((أنا لست فقط "بطل قصة حياتي" بل "راوي القصة"))
مدرسة إيه بي كومز لازم لازم لازم أزورها في يوم ما
ثقافة "الأوبونتو" لازم أصل لمرحلة تبنيها بشكل كامل كجزء راسخ في ثقافتي
الشكر له عميقا,,
March 2, 2017
I think that when you fix the "7 habits" as a good book standard, it's not easy to admire another book...I've read it in 2010 and still sooo fond of it, i'm sooo in luv with it that i couldn't stop comparing it to this one!!
3 fair stars for this one...For some incredible stories Covey shared with us, and for "Synergy" and "creative collaboration" which are great principles..that may make our world a better place, not only for us but for next generation....
3 fair stars for this one...For some incredible stories Covey shared with us, and for "Synergy" and "creative collaboration" which are great principles..that may make our world a better place, not only for us but for next generation....
June 7, 2017
EVERY. SINGLE. PERSON. Needs to read this. !!! Our society, our world is way too "I am the only right one" or " other ideas are stupid". We need to open our hearts to empathy, to other people's views. Yes this book is large. Yes it kinda rambles on. But honestly. We all need the message. We need to see the other side. We need to stop demonizing people who have the opposite view from us (like democrats v republicans). We all need to work together.
May 15, 2012
This book describes how one can empower members of families, communities, and nations to reduce and/or eliminate conflict, achieve self-fulfillment and happiness, and experience peace. His case studies are powerful and fascinating glimpses into how one can revolutionize society by changing one's paradigm of how individuals can be valued, treated, and heard.
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March 20, 2013أنهيت للتو رائعة رائد التنمية البشرية ستيفن كوفي، الذي ذاع صيته من كتابه الشهير العادات السبع للناس الأكثر فعاليه، هذا الكتاب طويل يناهز 500 صفحة كما ذكرت في تعليق سابق، وكل الحديث عن فكرة واحدة، تعاد وتكرر ويسهب الحديث فيها ألا وهي دائما التفكير بأسلوب غير نمطي، لا أن تحل المشكلة وتفكر فيها بين بديلين لا ثالث لهما، يعني لسنا نحن في مقابل هم، علينا ان نقول ماذا علينا أن نفعل.
October 11, 2014
One of the best books I've ever read! I only recommend reading the first half of the book. The rest are details and more examples for the same concept.
What astonished me is that Covey dug deep into religions to see how could we use them as a 3rd alternative for religious conflicts. He used arabic words, such as: wasatyyah, jihad, intifadhah and so on. Sometimes I feel that he is a Muslim ^^"
What astonished me is that Covey dug deep into religions to see how could we use them as a 3rd alternative for religious conflicts. He used arabic words, such as: wasatyyah, jihad, intifadhah and so on. Sometimes I feel that he is a Muslim ^^"
July 6, 2017
It never ceases to amaze me how many writers manage to take a simple, unimaginative idea that can be stated in 2 or at most in 10 pages, and get a 500 pages book out of it... but again is not this the whole idea behind the self help industry?
September 1, 2022
ستيفن كوفى كاتب عظيم ومؤثر بس حسيت الكتاب ده دون مستواه ومليان لت وعجن وكان ممكن يبقى مختصر عن الحجم الكبير ده
يعنى كتاب العادات السبع ضخم برضه بس مينفعش يبقى أبسط لكن الكتاب ده ممكن يختصر فى ٢٠٠ صفحة بالكتير
يعنى كتاب العادات السبع ضخم برضه بس مينفعش يبقى أبسط لكن الكتاب ده ممكن يختصر فى ٢٠٠ صفحة بالكتير
January 30, 2019
I wish I'd found a 3rd Alternative to reading this chore of a book.
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