What do you think?
Rate this book


364 pages, Paperback
First published January 1, 1873
Everything I’ve ever done, Christ has been there, all the time, judging, commanding, the poisoned hypocrisy of the words themselves. Thou shalt not. Words that crush life…. When my spirit, starved of beauty, dreamt of the ancient world, Christ told me to look only at His one hard truth. Thou shalt not. When I felt the natural sweet yearnings of the flesh, Christ, the lord of self-denial, terrified me into chastity. Thou shalt not. Thou shalt not. Thou shalt not! Everything human, everything beautiful, forbidden. With Him, to live fully is to die. To love as we can and to hate as we must, both are sinful. And why?
[Jesus] was the most beautiful dude. Forget the Epistles, forget all the bullying stuff that came later. Look at what He said…. There’s your man. His breakthrough was the aestheticization of weakness. Not in what conquers, not in glory, but in what’s fragile, and what suffers—there lies sanity. And salvation. “Let anyone who has power renounce it,” he said. “Your father is compassionate to all, as you should be.” That’s how He talked, to those who knew Him. Why should he vex a person? Why is His ghost not friendlier? Why can’t I just be a good child of the Enlightenment and see in His life a sustaining example of what we can be, as a species? Once you’ve known Him as a god, it’s hard to find comfort in the man.
GREGORY. Beautiful things were written about pagan sin, but it was not beautiful.
JULIAN. Wasn’t Socrates beautiful in the Symposium? What about Achilles? Heracles? Odysseus!
GREGORY. Poetry! You mistake poetry for reality.
JULIAN. Then look at our Scriptures. There was beauty in Eden and we called it sin. There was beauty in Sodom and Gomorrah and we said it was so ugly that God was forced to destroy it. That’s our truth. Our truth is the enemy of beauty.
The secret of Julian’s failure lay in the hopeless inferiority of the religion he championed to the religion he attacked. That religion, with all its corruptions, came to seem a necessary stage in the evolution of humanity; and the poet asked himself, perhaps, whether he, any more than Julian, had even now a more practical substitute to offer in its place.
What is victory? When Christ still reigns as the king in human hearts. I’ve been dreaming about Him, the same vision over and over. In my dream, I conquer the whole world, erase all memory of the Galilean… But then a procession passes me on this other world. At its head are soldiers and priests, weeping women following. And in the middle of the crowd walks the Galilean, fully alive, a cross on His back. I shout to Him, ask Him where He’s going. He turned to me, smiles, and says, ‘To the place of the skull.’ Maximus, what if His death on this planet was just one amongst many? Defeating Him on Earth is meaningless if He keeps on suffering, dying and conquering again and again from one world to the next? Then He rules the whole universe and my efforts count for nothing.