What do you think?
Rate this book
Jane Jones: Worst. Vampire. Ever.
For Jane Jones, being a vampire is nothing like you read about in books. In fact, it kind of sucks. She's not beautiful, she's not rich, and she doesn't "sparkle." She's just an average, slightly nerdy girl from an ordinary suburban family (who happens to be vampires.) Jane's from the wrong side of the tracks (not to mention stuck in the world's longest awkward phase), so she doesn't fit in with the cool vampire kids at school or with the humans kids. To top it all off, she's battling an overprotective mom, a clique of high school mean girls (the kind who really do have fangs), and the most embarrassing allergy in the history of the undead, she's blood intolerant. So no one's more surprised than Jane when for the first time in her life, things start to heat up (as much as they can for a walking corpse, anyway) with not one, but two boys. Eli's a geeky, but cute real-live boy in her history class, and Timothy is a beautiful, brooding bloodsucker, who might just hold the key to a possible "cure" for vampirism. Facing an eternity of high school pressure, fumbling first dates, or a mere lifetime together with Timothy, what's a 90-something year-old teen vampire to do?Fans of the Vladmir Tod Chronicles, You are So Undead to Me, and Jessica's Guide to Dating on the Dark Side will feast on this deliciously readable, smart, and fantastically funny debut.
242 pages, Kindle Edition
First published May 10, 2011
15 people are currently reading
1300 people want to read
Ratings & Reviews
Friends & Following
Create a free account to discover what your friends think of this book!
Community Reviews
Displaying 1 - 30 of 143 reviews
January 29, 2013
I was surprised by this book. I assumed it would be your typical YA vampire story - awkward teen vampire girl meets boy, they fall in love, overcome vampire issue, and live happily ever after... (unless it's a series) - and while that add a line of humor throughout the story, strange things happen in Jane's life that make the book almost more of a mystery than a teen vampire romance. It is a short, fun read, and I would recommend it if you like vampires, mysteries, or YA books about awkward teen girls.
August 11, 2011
Jane Jones definitely is the "Worst. Vampire. Ever." She's blood intolerant for one and has to survive on an incredibly rare blood type that her blue collar family has to struggle to find and pay for. She's also, like the rest of us, surrounded by the growing teen vampire media craze that swears all teen vampires are rich, sexy vixens leading glamorous lives whereas Jane's existence is anything but.
Jane, the heroine of what could be a funny "alternative" vampire series poking fun at that teen vampire media craze, has an incredible sense of humor and wit. She's Juno if Juno had gotten bitten instead of pregnant and then been doomed to suffer being the high school outcast for, literally, ETERNITY.
Unfortunately, Jane is the only bright spot in this otherwise weak and incredibly uneven debut YA effort. All of the other characters, including boys--one's alive, one's undead, oooh!--in the typical teen romance love triangle, are flat, lifeless, underdeveloped characters. We really don't care whether or not she picks one boy over the other (no Team Edward or Team Jacob here!) because we know very little about them other than one has braces and blood that could kill her and the other is a Twilight reject. We don't know enough about them to understand why Jane, low self-esteem or not, should care or pick between either of them.
The dastardly villain is introduced slowly in a nice and mysteriously but too late in the game before we've already experienced too many of the inconsistent highs and lows of the books. The writer seems unable to balance the typical romantic suplot with the (should-be-more-interesting) subplot of the mysterious villain that is after Jane's family. Like many things, though the idea that Jane wants to find a cure for vampirism is introduced early in the book, it's lost and unevenly reintroduced under the weight of introducing the love triangle and giving us a clue into Jane's day-to-day tragically ETERNAL teenage life mired by catty bullies, low self-esteem and never-ending homework, which luckily Jane actually likes.
Also, while at first, Jane explaining the difference between her "real" vampire life and the media vampire life is cute and funny, when she's still pointing out the differences in the third half of the book, you're bored by the minutiae of the irrelevant details of her "real" vampire life and the growingly stilted way they're introduced between the all-over-the-place plot and often snappy or stupid (uneven, but better than the rest of the book) dialogue.
The book really deserves 2 stars but I gave it 3 because of Jane and because of her potential as a character. She really deserves better than the basic, underwritten and under-edited story built around her. With a tighter, more neatly woven plot and better developed cast, this book could have truly soared...instead of sinking into the reject pile of books trying to make money off the Twilight craze instead of trying to offer something different and special.
Definitely for preteen readers.
Jane, the heroine of what could be a funny "alternative" vampire series poking fun at that teen vampire media craze, has an incredible sense of humor and wit. She's Juno if Juno had gotten bitten instead of pregnant and then been doomed to suffer being the high school outcast for, literally, ETERNITY.
Unfortunately, Jane is the only bright spot in this otherwise weak and incredibly uneven debut YA effort. All of the other characters, including boys--one's alive, one's undead, oooh!--in the typical teen romance love triangle, are flat, lifeless, underdeveloped characters. We really don't care whether or not she picks one boy over the other (no Team Edward or Team Jacob here!) because we know very little about them other than one has braces and blood that could kill her and the other is a Twilight reject. We don't know enough about them to understand why Jane, low self-esteem or not, should care or pick between either of them.
The dastardly villain is introduced slowly in a nice and mysteriously but too late in the game before we've already experienced too many of the inconsistent highs and lows of the books. The writer seems unable to balance the typical romantic suplot with the (should-be-more-interesting) subplot of the mysterious villain that is after Jane's family. Like many things, though the idea that Jane wants to find a cure for vampirism is introduced early in the book, it's lost and unevenly reintroduced under the weight of introducing the love triangle and giving us a clue into Jane's day-to-day tragically ETERNAL teenage life mired by catty bullies, low self-esteem and never-ending homework, which luckily Jane actually likes.
Also, while at first, Jane explaining the difference between her "real" vampire life and the media vampire life is cute and funny, when she's still pointing out the differences in the third half of the book, you're bored by the minutiae of the irrelevant details of her "real" vampire life and the growingly stilted way they're introduced between the all-over-the-place plot and often snappy or stupid (uneven, but better than the rest of the book) dialogue.
The book really deserves 2 stars but I gave it 3 because of Jane and because of her potential as a character. She really deserves better than the basic, underwritten and under-edited story built around her. With a tighter, more neatly woven plot and better developed cast, this book could have truly soared...instead of sinking into the reject pile of books trying to make money off the Twilight craze instead of trying to offer something different and special.
Definitely for preteen readers.
May 25, 2011
Jane Jones: Worst. Vampire. Ever. follows Jane a "teenage" vampire with a blood allergy. Jane was turned during the depression and has been moving every four years since with her parents and her younger bother. At Jane's new school she has to deal with a mysterious history teacher, an overexcited human history partner and a couple teen vampires all while dealing with her over protective mother and her blood alergy.
This book had so much promise. The title and description made it sound like comedy gold. Unfortunately it wasn't written that way. The book while interesting enough to keep my attention had major issues. The most pressing issue is that the main character suffered from what I'd like to call To Stupid To Live Syndrome. In the first scene of the book the girl (who is actually ninety but apparently has learned nothing in those years) who is deathly allergic to blood feed off of a boy because of peer pressure (that's like a peanut allergic kid eating a PB sandwich because the other kids told him to) then she goes into shock until she gets her medicine and then acts upset when her mother balls her out for being an idiot. Later she takes a bite of a sandwich even though she knows that she can't eat food. She continues throughout the book to whine and act like a very immature teenager (which her mother totally encourages) even though she's apparently done the teenage thing for the last ninety years. I did find some things amusing but in order for a concept like this to work it needs to be clear that it's comedy and this book didn't do that. I did make it all the way through the book fairly quickly however so I can't knock it too hard. If you are obsessed with vampires and really like books about teens in high school you might enjoy it (I could see young middle schoolers enjoying it) I however just couldn't get over the stupidity of the main character.
Appropriateness: Except for a scene at the beginning of the book where the teen vampires are feasting on a drunk teen (so they can get drunk from his blood) the book is clean. There isn't much romance and no real violence. It is a quick and easy read that young teens will finish quickly. I recommend this book for teens aged 12-14.
If you're looking for a funny vampire novel I'd recommend Vampire Crush by A.M. Robinson instead.
This book had so much promise. The title and description made it sound like comedy gold. Unfortunately it wasn't written that way. The book while interesting enough to keep my attention had major issues. The most pressing issue is that the main character suffered from what I'd like to call To Stupid To Live Syndrome. In the first scene of the book the girl (who is actually ninety but apparently has learned nothing in those years) who is deathly allergic to blood feed off of a boy because of peer pressure (that's like a peanut allergic kid eating a PB sandwich because the other kids told him to) then she goes into shock until she gets her medicine and then acts upset when her mother balls her out for being an idiot. Later she takes a bite of a sandwich even though she knows that she can't eat food. She continues throughout the book to whine and act like a very immature teenager (which her mother totally encourages) even though she's apparently done the teenage thing for the last ninety years. I did find some things amusing but in order for a concept like this to work it needs to be clear that it's comedy and this book didn't do that. I did make it all the way through the book fairly quickly however so I can't knock it too hard. If you are obsessed with vampires and really like books about teens in high school you might enjoy it (I could see young middle schoolers enjoying it) I however just couldn't get over the stupidity of the main character.
Appropriateness: Except for a scene at the beginning of the book where the teen vampires are feasting on a drunk teen (so they can get drunk from his blood) the book is clean. There isn't much romance and no real violence. It is a quick and easy read that young teens will finish quickly. I recommend this book for teens aged 12-14.
If you're looking for a funny vampire novel I'd recommend Vampire Crush by A.M. Robinson instead.
July 20, 2014
Jane is a vampire, but a unique vampire who is allergic to blood. She also doesn't feel like she fits in anywhere and has no friends.
I was pulled into this story with the first chapter especially with Jane's mother. I thought it was going to be a cute and somewhat funny book. I mean Jane's mother at the start cracked me up. Unfortunately as the story went on it got worse and I didn't find it funny at all.
"It was because the whole reason I was here was a phony, fake farce and I had a lot of real stuff on my mind!"
I mean I don't even KNOW what to say to that sentence.
"Astrid," I said, " I didn't know it was possible for someone to be a vampire and a witch. But that's what you are. A witch. But with a B."
ooookay yeah. I mean I get that maybe the author is trying to keep the book clean without any swear words but omg. I'm sorry it just sounds a bit lame. I couldn't help by roll my eyes when I read that.
I continued on though, even though I didn't really care for any of the characters nor Jane's monologues and found that the ending was somewhat cute but lacked excitement. I think the only thing that saved the last bit was that one moment between Jane and Eli. I thought it was cute. They at least had some sort of friendship bond that was continuing to get stronger. As apposed to her 'relationship' with Timothy, another vampire. It really didn't have any meat to it other then they were both Vamps wishing they were not. I liked Eli a lot better then Tim.
The only good thing really was that it was fairly short so I was able to finish it quickly.
I love the bold colours of the cover though. :)
I was pulled into this story with the first chapter especially with Jane's mother. I thought it was going to be a cute and somewhat funny book. I mean Jane's mother at the start cracked me up. Unfortunately as the story went on it got worse and I didn't find it funny at all.
"It was because the whole reason I was here was a phony, fake farce and I had a lot of real stuff on my mind!"
I mean I don't even KNOW what to say to that sentence.
"Astrid," I said, " I didn't know it was possible for someone to be a vampire and a witch. But that's what you are. A witch. But with a B."
ooookay yeah. I mean I get that maybe the author is trying to keep the book clean without any swear words but omg. I'm sorry it just sounds a bit lame. I couldn't help by roll my eyes when I read that.
I continued on though, even though I didn't really care for any of the characters nor Jane's monologues and found that the ending was somewhat cute but lacked excitement. I think the only thing that saved the last bit was that one moment between Jane and Eli. I thought it was cute. They at least had some sort of friendship bond that was continuing to get stronger. As apposed to her 'relationship' with Timothy, another vampire. It really didn't have any meat to it other then they were both Vamps wishing they were not. I liked Eli a lot better then Tim.
The only good thing really was that it was fairly short so I was able to finish it quickly.
I love the bold colours of the cover though. :)
November 20, 2011
Should NOT be compared to Jay, Fantaskey, or Brewer!
Jane Jones is just your average teenaged vampire with over-protective parents and a blood-intolerance. For no apparent reason she's suddenly receiving the attentions of handsome vampire Timothy and awkward human Eli. All she really wants is to be human again, even if it means leaving her parents and younger brother behind. Meanwhile she has to juggle schoolwork and problematic peers.
I chose this book because of the comparison to one of my favorite authors and two others that I really enjoy. How could that go wrong? When your heroine and plot are as dull as dishwater and your vampire mythos is the only redeeming quality in your book... getting compared to other authors CAN be a bad thing. St. Onge's writing just isn't on par with Jay or Fantaskey and Jane doesn't have the distinct voice of Vladmir Tod. That said, if you haven't read any of these three authors and are looking for a clean-ish vampire book for a younger reader this one might be a hit!
Unfortunately, I just couldn't bring myself to like this one. The characters were all very flat making them feel distant and the only one I could even feel any attachment to was Jane's little brother. Conceptually the vampire myth here has some decent twists but somehow manages not to feel more like a high school story about a sickly nerdy girl and less about a teenaged vampire. The title pretty much says it all.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Notes: ARC received through Amazon Vine.
Jane Jones is just your average teenaged vampire with over-protective parents and a blood-intolerance. For no apparent reason she's suddenly receiving the attentions of handsome vampire Timothy and awkward human Eli. All she really wants is to be human again, even if it means leaving her parents and younger brother behind. Meanwhile she has to juggle schoolwork and problematic peers.
I chose this book because of the comparison to one of my favorite authors and two others that I really enjoy. How could that go wrong? When your heroine and plot are as dull as dishwater and your vampire mythos is the only redeeming quality in your book... getting compared to other authors CAN be a bad thing. St. Onge's writing just isn't on par with Jay or Fantaskey and Jane doesn't have the distinct voice of Vladmir Tod. That said, if you haven't read any of these three authors and are looking for a clean-ish vampire book for a younger reader this one might be a hit!
Unfortunately, I just couldn't bring myself to like this one. The characters were all very flat making them feel distant and the only one I could even feel any attachment to was Jane's little brother. Conceptually the vampire myth here has some decent twists but somehow manages not to feel more like a high school story about a sickly nerdy girl and less about a teenaged vampire. The title pretty much says it all.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Notes: ARC received through Amazon Vine.
May 26, 2011
I was initially drawn to this book by its cute, bright pink cover, and title. Then I read the synopsis and it sounded so funny. Can you imagine a vampire stuck in an eternally awkward tween phase, from the wrong side of the tracks, and to make things worse, has a blood allergy? I HAD to have this book!
Caissie St. Onge did not disappoint. The hilarity begins from page one and does not cease. Meet Jane Jones. The Worst. Vampire. Ever. Jane has been battling a series of undead lifetimes of being less than beautiful, unpopular, slightly poor, and part of your average dysfunctional suburban vampire family. You wouldn't think all of those things would be funny, but the author makes you literally laugh out loud. Additionally, Jane has gone from never dating to having two boys interested in her, which throws Jane's repetitive undead life into a complete whirlwind. Both boys are cute, nice, and couldn't be any different...right down to their mortality.
The synopsis paints a picture of a cute vampire story, which this is, but the author also tells us about Jane's past which is coming back to haunt her, and about a possible cure for vampirism that is leading Jane on a series of fortunate and unfortunate events!
Caissie St. Onge did not disappoint. The hilarity begins from page one and does not cease. Meet Jane Jones. The Worst. Vampire. Ever. Jane has been battling a series of undead lifetimes of being less than beautiful, unpopular, slightly poor, and part of your average dysfunctional suburban vampire family. You wouldn't think all of those things would be funny, but the author makes you literally laugh out loud. Additionally, Jane has gone from never dating to having two boys interested in her, which throws Jane's repetitive undead life into a complete whirlwind. Both boys are cute, nice, and couldn't be any different...right down to their mortality.
The synopsis paints a picture of a cute vampire story, which this is, but the author also tells us about Jane's past which is coming back to haunt her, and about a possible cure for vampirism that is leading Jane on a series of fortunate and unfortunate events!
May 23, 2011
This book was... wow! It contains love, loss, and the stress of being a 15 year old female vampire ( Actually 80 years old, but to the human eye, no one can tell)! Being blood intolerent, Jane is having a hard time with the whole 'vamp' thing!
This book was amazingly sweet and fiesty at the same time! My favorite part was... well, find out for yourself!
This book was amazingly sweet and fiesty at the same time! My favorite part was... well, find out for yourself!
March 19, 2013
I hated this book so much I'm sorry it was just so bad. It was badly written, the plot was bad, the characters were bad, do yourself a favour don't read this book
March 8, 2023
Do you remember those Candy Apple/Poison Apple books that were literally everywhere on MG bookshelves in 2010? You know the ones. Young girl finds herself having an encounter with the paranormal, but it's more silly than spooky. The love interests (if there are any) are paper thin. The heroines are sassy but with a heart of gold (because, of course they are).
Reading this reminded me of a slightly more grown up version of those books. Jane Jones is perpetually stuck in an awkward phase. For 70 years, she's been dealing with a blood allergy, resentment at being a vampire, and teenage struggles to fit in. She has no friends, her love life is nonexistent, and she does love her family, but like every teenager, they get on her nerves. Her life is dull, and she dreams of becoming human again so that things can finally start happening.
Until Jane moves to a new school, where suddenly *everything* happens at once. She meets a hot, brooding, emo vampire named...Timothy.
Yes, Timothy. Listen, leave your brain at the door, okay?
She and Timothy find a very convenient cure for vampirism and he promises to give her the money so they can both go through it and run away together...after they've known each other for 3 whole days. Jane is totally on board with this, until she meets Eli, a cute boy she's been paired up with for a history project.
Now Jane must choose between Timothy or Eli, all while a plot that makes zero sense is unfolding in the background. It's very 2010. It's very escapist. It's not very good.
But it gets nostalgia points, and it wasn't the worst possible thing I could've read. I appreciate that the author doesn't take herself too seriously, and I actually think that her take on vampire lore is creative and fresh. Would I have picked it up on my own? No. Would I recommend that you do that? Also no. But if you get your hands on a copy and you want to turn your brain off for a couple hours, I'd say it's not the worst use of time.
Reading this reminded me of a slightly more grown up version of those books. Jane Jones is perpetually stuck in an awkward phase. For 70 years, she's been dealing with a blood allergy, resentment at being a vampire, and teenage struggles to fit in. She has no friends, her love life is nonexistent, and she does love her family, but like every teenager, they get on her nerves. Her life is dull, and she dreams of becoming human again so that things can finally start happening.
Until Jane moves to a new school, where suddenly *everything* happens at once. She meets a hot, brooding, emo vampire named...Timothy.
Yes, Timothy. Listen, leave your brain at the door, okay?
She and Timothy find a very convenient cure for vampirism and he promises to give her the money so they can both go through it and run away together...after they've known each other for 3 whole days. Jane is totally on board with this, until she meets Eli, a cute boy she's been paired up with for a history project.
Now Jane must choose between Timothy or Eli, all while a plot that makes zero sense is unfolding in the background. It's very 2010. It's very escapist. It's not very good.
But it gets nostalgia points, and it wasn't the worst possible thing I could've read. I appreciate that the author doesn't take herself too seriously, and I actually think that her take on vampire lore is creative and fresh. Would I have picked it up on my own? No. Would I recommend that you do that? Also no. But if you get your hands on a copy and you want to turn your brain off for a couple hours, I'd say it's not the worst use of time.
February 21, 2018
My book that I chose was not the best book .The book was boring and didn’t have any interesting parts . I thought the author could have gave a better storyline. The story didn’t grab my attention as much . The book was not anything I expected it to be but I still enjoyed it in the beginning. I would rate this book 2 out of 5 starts and wouldn’t recommend this book to teens but I think young people like 6 or 7th graders could enjoy this book better than me . Overall the book was just not what I hoped it would be like .
June 27, 2017
Somewhat standard fare of teen girl who is a vampire, with some unexpected twists - a rare disorder, a mystery, and lots of adventure.
While I was somewhat irritated by Jane, I can't find flaw with the execution, and will likely drop a star just because I felt the other characters came off as flat. This is a book that would have benefitted from a higher word count and some dedication to exploring this world and the mystery aspects a little more.
While I was somewhat irritated by Jane, I can't find flaw with the execution, and will likely drop a star just because I felt the other characters came off as flat. This is a book that would have benefitted from a higher word count and some dedication to exploring this world and the mystery aspects a little more.
November 4, 2017
I think some young adult books are younger than others. This one is pretty young. I read a novel about a family of British vampires maybe last year, which was the more grown-up version of this.
It says in the blurb that the author has written comedy for television. That seems to make sense.The characters are basically likable. And the family loves each other, which is nice.
It says in the blurb that the author has written comedy for television. That seems to make sense.The characters are basically likable. And the family loves each other, which is nice.
January 8, 2023
This book just felt under baked. There wasn't as much description or scene setting as there needed to be and there wasn't a plot that really pulled you in. There was a forced love triangle which I really disliked, as it was super rushed and felt sloppy. There wasn't any real chemistry between characters in the love triangle either.
May 3, 2018
Meh. This book was pretty generic. I'm glad it was a library book, because it was kind of boring and the plot was predictable and lame. At least it was short, I guess. I liked the idea, even if it was nothing new. Hopefully I can find better books with similar concepts (reluctant vampire).
October 2, 2023
loved this book
I loved the concept of this book so much caissie put her own spin on vampire lore making it her own this was a fun read and i look forward to reading more from this universe to find out who jane chooses Timothy or Eli
I loved the concept of this book so much caissie put her own spin on vampire lore making it her own this was a fun read and i look forward to reading more from this universe to find out who jane chooses Timothy or Eli
April 22, 2018
Funny, sad escalates to scary, love triangle and villains (one predictable) solved make me contented for contained plot not overflowing to sequel, yet curious enough to follow series.
October 31, 2021
5 Stars ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐
(Too bad there isn't a sequel!)
(Too bad there isn't a sequel!)
June 22, 2025
3.5 ✨
Read
August 23, 2011I finished this book weeks ago, which is a big sign that I didn't care for since it took me this long to get around to reviewing it. There isn't anything specific I can point to that would sum up my middling level of dissatisfaction, this was an okay book, it just wasn't very fun, exciting, interesting or thought provoking.
Jane Jones is a vampire. Her mom, dad and ten year old brother are vampires too. They were made undead during the great depression and ever since they move from town to town, never staying long enough to arouse suspicion about why they don't age. Jane starts at a new High School in every town and her genius-like younger brother starts at a new middle school.
Being a vampire hasn't been all velvet jackets and gothic mansions. The Jones live in an old house, wear cheap clothes and spend their hard earned cash (dad works night shift at a cracker and cookie factory) on blood for Jane. Jane is special, she has an allergy to blood and the only kind she can drink is super, duper expensive and they buy it on the black market every few years and since it is so expensive, she can only have a thimbleful every few days. this means she is weak, paler than other vampires and has none of the strength and robust vitality of a vampire who feeds, heavily, on a regular basis.
All the other vampires in town don't like Jane, for various reasons, though they seemed to boil down to the fact that she has frizzy hair, no boobs and is poor.
The author makes such a point of describing Jane and her prepubescent (forever) boobless and plain state that when two boys at school start crushing on her, it was a bit surprising, but not terribly believable partly because Jane isn't very friendly and hardly ever speaks to anyone.
So, the real story is that Jane is trying to find a cure because she hates being a vampire. This is where the story hits a major snag that I call the pregnant-man-with-beard story arc, because it is totally unbelievable and the rest of the story hitches on the readers and the main characters believing and acting on this amazing storyline.
Jane finds a doctor in Eastern Europe who says he has a cure, but it costs a ridiculous amount of money (she does no research to find out if he's a total quack or a real researcher, just clips the article and get's excited). Super hot vampire guy says he will buy the cure, enough for two and then he and Jane plan to ride off into the sunrise together after taking it and turning human again.
Jane spares a few thoughts for her family, how she wont be able to be with them forever because now she'll be mortal, but she brushes it aside after she broods for a couple of pages.
There is some rather useless parts of the book where Jane and a school boy hang out and don't work on the joint history project they were assigned and some rather crude diarrhea jokes that fit into the story but didn't really add to it.
Huh, I guess, now that I think about it, I really didn't like this book.
So, the ending came with a bang as villains were revealed, vampires died and Jane found out a secret about her own transformation and the vampires who created her family (this part was interesting and it made the story a little better).
I guess I was hoping for a bigger problem and a more realistic love triangle.
Jane Jones is a vampire. Her mom, dad and ten year old brother are vampires too. They were made undead during the great depression and ever since they move from town to town, never staying long enough to arouse suspicion about why they don't age. Jane starts at a new High School in every town and her genius-like younger brother starts at a new middle school.
Being a vampire hasn't been all velvet jackets and gothic mansions. The Jones live in an old house, wear cheap clothes and spend their hard earned cash (dad works night shift at a cracker and cookie factory) on blood for Jane. Jane is special, she has an allergy to blood and the only kind she can drink is super, duper expensive and they buy it on the black market every few years and since it is so expensive, she can only have a thimbleful every few days. this means she is weak, paler than other vampires and has none of the strength and robust vitality of a vampire who feeds, heavily, on a regular basis.
All the other vampires in town don't like Jane, for various reasons, though they seemed to boil down to the fact that she has frizzy hair, no boobs and is poor.
The author makes such a point of describing Jane and her prepubescent (forever) boobless and plain state that when two boys at school start crushing on her, it was a bit surprising, but not terribly believable partly because Jane isn't very friendly and hardly ever speaks to anyone.
So, the real story is that Jane is trying to find a cure because she hates being a vampire. This is where the story hits a major snag that I call the pregnant-man-with-beard story arc, because it is totally unbelievable and the rest of the story hitches on the readers and the main characters believing and acting on this amazing storyline.
Jane finds a doctor in Eastern Europe who says he has a cure, but it costs a ridiculous amount of money (she does no research to find out if he's a total quack or a real researcher, just clips the article and get's excited). Super hot vampire guy says he will buy the cure, enough for two and then he and Jane plan to ride off into the sunrise together after taking it and turning human again.
Jane spares a few thoughts for her family, how she wont be able to be with them forever because now she'll be mortal, but she brushes it aside after she broods for a couple of pages.
There is some rather useless parts of the book where Jane and a school boy hang out and don't work on the joint history project they were assigned and some rather crude diarrhea jokes that fit into the story but didn't really add to it.
Huh, I guess, now that I think about it, I really didn't like this book.
So, the ending came with a bang as villains were revealed, vampires died and Jane found out a secret about her own transformation and the vampires who created her family (this part was interesting and it made the story a little better).
I guess I was hoping for a bigger problem and a more realistic love triangle.
June 30, 2011
Courtesy of Goodreads First reads.
Having said that, there were still a couple of plot twists that I hadn't anticipated. The book is good. I sense the start of a series. It's perfect for the target demographic: ninth and tenth graders looking for a summer read. It accomplishes the job. If you see it in the bookstore and consider buying it, go ahead.
Thanks for signing the book, Caissie! I loved the surprise. I'm also using all of the bookmarks (something I always need).
Having said that, there were still a couple of plot twists that I hadn't anticipated. The book is good. I sense the start of a series. It's perfect for the target demographic: ninth and tenth graders looking for a summer read. It accomplishes the job. If you see it in the bookstore and consider buying it, go ahead.
Thanks for signing the book, Caissie! I loved the surprise. I'm also using all of the bookmarks (something I always need).
May 22, 2011
"When a group of freaks are calling you a freak, it's pretty freaking bad." -- Jane Jones
High school sucks for normal kids, but imagine if you could never graduate because you're a sixteen year old vampire who has been repeating her high school years ever since the Great Depression. To make matters worse, if you're Jane Jones you can only safely drink the rarest blood type in the world and all the common blood gives you an allergic reaction. Things begin to look up when Jane reads about a possible cure for vampirism and two boys at school show interest in her despite her best efforts to blend into the crowd. But can she change her life when her classmates AND her history teacher are out to get her?
Author Caissie St. Onge perfectly captures the awkwardness of being a high school girl, and subtly hints that even the cool kids aren't that sure of themselves in this fun young adult novel. There were several scenes that reminded me of things that happened to me in high school, with locker messages and overwhelming emotions. There are also interesting new vampire rules. It's a more realistic take on vampirism, which wouldn't be romantic or sexy so much as gross and kind of a drag if it actually happened to you.
My one criticism of this book is that because there are so many villains, none of them are as well-developed as the good guys. But that's a small quibble since Jane and her family are imaginary people whom I feel like I got to know. Jane has a different, more argumentative sort of relationship with her mother than I do with mine, but the overprotectiveness and worry about Jane's physical weakness rang true to me. And I love how all of their arguments are diffused by Jane cracking a joke that even her serious mother must admit is funny because it's ironically true.
I have never read about vampires from the Great Depression or the Dust Bowl setting before, and that was really interesting as a character background. The Grapes of Wrath moved me when I read it in college, and to imagine that the Joads are immortal and still nomadic makes Jane's situation even more depressing.
Depression, however, is not the dominant tone of this book, and Caissie's dialogue as well as Jane's thoughts made me giggle at several points starting with the first scene when Jane has an allergic reaction and her mother embarrasses her by discussing diarrhea in front of her peers.
If you are now, have ever been, or are looking forward to being in high school, I highly recommend this book. Did I mention there are vampires?
High school sucks for normal kids, but imagine if you could never graduate because you're a sixteen year old vampire who has been repeating her high school years ever since the Great Depression. To make matters worse, if you're Jane Jones you can only safely drink the rarest blood type in the world and all the common blood gives you an allergic reaction. Things begin to look up when Jane reads about a possible cure for vampirism and two boys at school show interest in her despite her best efforts to blend into the crowd. But can she change her life when her classmates AND her history teacher are out to get her?
Author Caissie St. Onge perfectly captures the awkwardness of being a high school girl, and subtly hints that even the cool kids aren't that sure of themselves in this fun young adult novel. There were several scenes that reminded me of things that happened to me in high school, with locker messages and overwhelming emotions. There are also interesting new vampire rules. It's a more realistic take on vampirism, which wouldn't be romantic or sexy so much as gross and kind of a drag if it actually happened to you.
My one criticism of this book is that because there are so many villains, none of them are as well-developed as the good guys. But that's a small quibble since Jane and her family are imaginary people whom I feel like I got to know. Jane has a different, more argumentative sort of relationship with her mother than I do with mine, but the overprotectiveness and worry about Jane's physical weakness rang true to me. And I love how all of their arguments are diffused by Jane cracking a joke that even her serious mother must admit is funny because it's ironically true.
I have never read about vampires from the Great Depression or the Dust Bowl setting before, and that was really interesting as a character background. The Grapes of Wrath moved me when I read it in college, and to imagine that the Joads are immortal and still nomadic makes Jane's situation even more depressing.
Depression, however, is not the dominant tone of this book, and Caissie's dialogue as well as Jane's thoughts made me giggle at several points starting with the first scene when Jane has an allergic reaction and her mother embarrasses her by discussing diarrhea in front of her peers.
If you are now, have ever been, or are looking forward to being in high school, I highly recommend this book. Did I mention there are vampires?
December 28, 2017
How do I begin to write about how funny and clever this little novel was? I'm going to have to do my best. Jane Jones: Worst. Vampire. Ever. sounded like a hilarious title, and, although not a raucous knee-slapper ever other line, it was still overall witty and full of comedic, lovable characters that shaped it into a fun, fast read. I found myself enjoying this title so much, I wanted the judge at the hearing I had to attend in support of my sister to be quiet so I could concentrate on it!
This story's true strength was its characters. Jane was sarcastic in order to deal with living life as a perpetually rejected teenager with no hope of ever growing out of her eternal awkward phase. Her mother was hysterical and overprotective, and I found myself feeling sorry for Jane for being bound to her as her child, and treated like one, forever. That is not fun, especially when you've been around for 90-some-odd years, but it was easy to laugh about it here. Even her little genius, perpetually 10-year-old brother, Zachary, was adorable while still irritating her all the time.
Astrid filled the role of the high school mean girl, but in this case, she happened to be a vampire, too, and she loved to make Jane's life miserable. She came off as more hilarious than cliché, which was a nice surprise.
But, my favorite character had to be Timothy, the old calligraphy-writing vampire who looked like a 17-year-old pin-up with a “perfect pouty pout”. At first, he just talked like any other funny guy his apparent age, but when he started talking like a centuries-old vampire who lives in a castle on a nearby hill, I started rolling on the floor. That was genius comedy, and Jane's reaction to it was hilarious:
“I unfolded the second sheet [of Timothy's letter], expecting more of Timothy's calligraphy saying something along the lines of, 'Dearest Jane, I am still awaiting your answer. Please remit forthwith. Ceaselessly, Timothy.'” - from page 164
What I wasn't expecting was a great plot that had quite a fitting ending, albeit abrupt, tying up all loose ends and making Jane out to be the deserved heroine of her own story. This was such a great book to spend a day reading. I highly recommend it to those who not only love vampire lore, but the occasional story that pokes fun at it a bit, while also making fun of the types of real life people we see everyday.
This story's true strength was its characters. Jane was sarcastic in order to deal with living life as a perpetually rejected teenager with no hope of ever growing out of her eternal awkward phase. Her mother was hysterical and overprotective, and I found myself feeling sorry for Jane for being bound to her as her child, and treated like one, forever. That is not fun, especially when you've been around for 90-some-odd years, but it was easy to laugh about it here. Even her little genius, perpetually 10-year-old brother, Zachary, was adorable while still irritating her all the time.
Astrid filled the role of the high school mean girl, but in this case, she happened to be a vampire, too, and she loved to make Jane's life miserable. She came off as more hilarious than cliché, which was a nice surprise.
But, my favorite character had to be Timothy, the old calligraphy-writing vampire who looked like a 17-year-old pin-up with a “perfect pouty pout”. At first, he just talked like any other funny guy his apparent age, but when he started talking like a centuries-old vampire who lives in a castle on a nearby hill, I started rolling on the floor. That was genius comedy, and Jane's reaction to it was hilarious:
“I unfolded the second sheet [of Timothy's letter], expecting more of Timothy's calligraphy saying something along the lines of, 'Dearest Jane, I am still awaiting your answer. Please remit forthwith. Ceaselessly, Timothy.'” - from page 164
What I wasn't expecting was a great plot that had quite a fitting ending, albeit abrupt, tying up all loose ends and making Jane out to be the deserved heroine of her own story. This was such a great book to spend a day reading. I highly recommend it to those who not only love vampire lore, but the occasional story that pokes fun at it a bit, while also making fun of the types of real life people we see everyday.
January 2, 2017
This was an entertaining book. Not a lot of depth in characters but a fun read.
May 11, 2011
I essentially took one look at the cover, flipped to the back of the novel to read the plot description and then instantly started reading it! I know dystopian is steadily taking over as the next big thing, but I still can't resist vampire novels... especially when it looks like I'll be getting some laughs in as well!
Contrary to popular belief, vampirism is not all that it's cracked up to be. Sure, there are rich, beautiful and powerful vampires out there but Jane Jones and her family are anything but. Her caring mother is overprotective at times; her father spends his days working at a factory struggling to earn enough money because he's never at the same job long enough to get a promotion; and her younger brother is much more smarter than his human age would ever tell.
As for Jane, herself? The title of "worst vampire ever" would definitely be a fitting description but her bubbling, fun personality should definitely count for something! Jane is extremely allergic to blood except one super rare type that's really expensive, so she can only drink minimal amounts at a time. She's always in a weak state, works harder than most in her school work, and definitely deserves a pat on the back in comfort for some of the embarrassing situations she finds herself in. Even though she's several decades old, she still very much acts and thinks like a human teenage girl!
The actual storyline and some of the characters, especially the two romantic interests Eli and Timothy, aren't as well-developed as I might have normally liked but instead of lingering too much on those thoughts... I kind of just went with it. It's not a novel to be taken too seriously, so I felt it was okay to sort of nod along and accept things as they came by. Timothy fits under the usual handsome, brooding and protective vampire category while Eli is so awkward at times, it's adorable! It was fun to see two polar opposite boys suddenly developing feelings for our dear old Jane.
Caissie St. Onge's debut novel offers a comedic take on the vampire genre in ways that will leave you uncontrollably smiling and rolling your eyes at the silliness! It's a fun read that will pass the time quickly and one that you'll easily find entertaining!
Contrary to popular belief, vampirism is not all that it's cracked up to be. Sure, there are rich, beautiful and powerful vampires out there but Jane Jones and her family are anything but. Her caring mother is overprotective at times; her father spends his days working at a factory struggling to earn enough money because he's never at the same job long enough to get a promotion; and her younger brother is much more smarter than his human age would ever tell.
As for Jane, herself? The title of "worst vampire ever" would definitely be a fitting description but her bubbling, fun personality should definitely count for something! Jane is extremely allergic to blood except one super rare type that's really expensive, so she can only drink minimal amounts at a time. She's always in a weak state, works harder than most in her school work, and definitely deserves a pat on the back in comfort for some of the embarrassing situations she finds herself in. Even though she's several decades old, she still very much acts and thinks like a human teenage girl!
The actual storyline and some of the characters, especially the two romantic interests Eli and Timothy, aren't as well-developed as I might have normally liked but instead of lingering too much on those thoughts... I kind of just went with it. It's not a novel to be taken too seriously, so I felt it was okay to sort of nod along and accept things as they came by. Timothy fits under the usual handsome, brooding and protective vampire category while Eli is so awkward at times, it's adorable! It was fun to see two polar opposite boys suddenly developing feelings for our dear old Jane.
Caissie St. Onge's debut novel offers a comedic take on the vampire genre in ways that will leave you uncontrollably smiling and rolling your eyes at the silliness! It's a fun read that will pass the time quickly and one that you'll easily find entertaining!
February 1, 2016
Jane Jones is a vampire and not a very good one at that seeing as she can’t drink blood or she will have an allergic reaction (not very pretty). She’s a self-proclaimed nerd with a pretty boring life (aside from the vampirism that is). Really, she’s just an ordinary misfit teenager going to high school time after time after time. Until one day she meets two boys: Eli a geeky, shy, but cute boy who is her partner in her American History class and Timothy, a suave, handsome, popular vampire boy who apparently really likes her. Things get complicated when a mystery in the form of a teacher happens into Jane Jones’s life, and an article claiming a cure for vampirism has been found! What’s a vampire girl to do but investigate?
Jane Jones: Worst. Vampire. Ever. Was a humors tale about a misfit teenage girl (though she’s really in her nineties, so old lady might be more accurate) navigating boys, high school, mean girls, family and mysteries. Jane was such a relatable character with a fresh and endearing voice. She was the type of character that reader’s can’t help but really like and root for. I didn't really care for Timothy as we didn't see him much in the book and he was a pretty one dimensional character, but Eli was adorable! It is refreshing to have the boy the main character falls in love/like with, not be swoon-worthy and ripped. The romance was skimpy and not very well developed but it sort of worked for the book. Any heavy romance would have been weird in the world of Jane Jones. They were no Edward and Bella, that’s for sure. Is that a good thing? A bad thing? I’ll let you decide (although I have to chip in my two cents. I’m a bit anti semi-abusive, extremely drama laden, I-would-rather-kill-myself-than-be-without-you, obsessive relationships. But that’s just me.)
Honestly, it is refreshing to read a vampire book and not have it be all dark, and brooding with a love triangle that goes on for several more books. There wasn’t any complicated back stories or any long winded explanations for vampirism. It was a very straight forward book. Overall, it wasn’t anything special but regardless still good. Caissie St. Onge wrote a great book for reading when you want to put your brain on hold. A definite summer read.
Jane Jones: Worst. Vampire. Ever. Was a humors tale about a misfit teenage girl (though she’s really in her nineties, so old lady might be more accurate) navigating boys, high school, mean girls, family and mysteries. Jane was such a relatable character with a fresh and endearing voice. She was the type of character that reader’s can’t help but really like and root for. I didn't really care for Timothy as we didn't see him much in the book and he was a pretty one dimensional character, but Eli was adorable! It is refreshing to have the boy the main character falls in love/like with, not be swoon-worthy and ripped. The romance was skimpy and not very well developed but it sort of worked for the book. Any heavy romance would have been weird in the world of Jane Jones. They were no Edward and Bella, that’s for sure. Is that a good thing? A bad thing? I’ll let you decide (although I have to chip in my two cents. I’m a bit anti semi-abusive, extremely drama laden, I-would-rather-kill-myself-than-be-without-you, obsessive relationships. But that’s just me.)
Honestly, it is refreshing to read a vampire book and not have it be all dark, and brooding with a love triangle that goes on for several more books. There wasn’t any complicated back stories or any long winded explanations for vampirism. It was a very straight forward book. Overall, it wasn’t anything special but regardless still good. Caissie St. Onge wrote a great book for reading when you want to put your brain on hold. A definite summer read.
December 11, 2011
Winter Warmers Event ~ Shelley Workinger picks Worst. Vampire. Ever. by Caissie St. Onge:
http://themidnightreaders.blogspot.co...
I live for humor. I need it in my friends, movies, books, and my own work, even though my “Solid” series isn't a comedy. In fact, my most treasured reader accolades are those that say what a great, sarcastic heroine Clio is. And I couldn't let her be the only one: Jack is adorably witty; Miranda's comebacks aren't usually cute, but they are clever; Garrett can always be counted on for some comic relief; even Bliss gets a chance or two per book to say something that gets a laugh.
So I got a good feeling about Worst. Vampire. Ever. when I saw the title, then Caissie St. Onge's bio really sold me. She told me she's a funny girl (her credits include writing for David Letterman and Rosie O'Donnell's shows) then showed me (she's also worked for “a bunch of shows you probably haven't heard of, but that's okay”) and I was at the counter faster than you can say “Ha, ha, ha.” ;)
The book opens with Miss Worst Vampire Ever herself Jane Jones surviving, “an excruciating social event, a toxic blood reaction, and near death by parental mortification.” It can only go up from there for Jane, right? Wrong actually. ;)
It only makes sense, after all, that since Jane's “nothing like [the vampires] you read about in books” - not beautiful, not rich, not “sparkling” in any sense of the word, and even blood - intolerant - that shes looking for a cure for vampirism. And along the blood-low brick road this quest takes her on, she has to deal with characters like Astrid, the mean vamp-girl who peer-pressures Jane into chugging from a drunk-and-glamoured classmate; Timothy, the hot guy with the indistinguishable lets-be-friends or Im-laughing-at-you-and-not-with-you smile; Ms. Smithburg, the teacher Jane used to love but who's now acting the wrong kind of cool toward her; and Eli, the newly-assigned history partner who just sent Jane her first (and unwanted) Facebook friend request.
Will Jane find the cure? Will it work? Will she accept that Friend request? Will you laugh?
Can't say. Don't know. Maybe. Absolutely.
http://themidnightreaders.blogspot.co...
I live for humor. I need it in my friends, movies, books, and my own work, even though my “Solid” series isn't a comedy. In fact, my most treasured reader accolades are those that say what a great, sarcastic heroine Clio is. And I couldn't let her be the only one: Jack is adorably witty; Miranda's comebacks aren't usually cute, but they are clever; Garrett can always be counted on for some comic relief; even Bliss gets a chance or two per book to say something that gets a laugh.
So I got a good feeling about Worst. Vampire. Ever. when I saw the title, then Caissie St. Onge's bio really sold me. She told me she's a funny girl (her credits include writing for David Letterman and Rosie O'Donnell's shows) then showed me (she's also worked for “a bunch of shows you probably haven't heard of, but that's okay”) and I was at the counter faster than you can say “Ha, ha, ha.” ;)
The book opens with Miss Worst Vampire Ever herself Jane Jones surviving, “an excruciating social event, a toxic blood reaction, and near death by parental mortification.” It can only go up from there for Jane, right? Wrong actually. ;)
It only makes sense, after all, that since Jane's “nothing like [the vampires] you read about in books” - not beautiful, not rich, not “sparkling” in any sense of the word, and even blood - intolerant - that shes looking for a cure for vampirism. And along the blood-low brick road this quest takes her on, she has to deal with characters like Astrid, the mean vamp-girl who peer-pressures Jane into chugging from a drunk-and-glamoured classmate; Timothy, the hot guy with the indistinguishable lets-be-friends or Im-laughing-at-you-and-not-with-you smile; Ms. Smithburg, the teacher Jane used to love but who's now acting the wrong kind of cool toward her; and Eli, the newly-assigned history partner who just sent Jane her first (and unwanted) Facebook friend request.
Will Jane find the cure? Will it work? Will she accept that Friend request? Will you laugh?
Can't say. Don't know. Maybe. Absolutely.
July 8, 2011
The synopsis of this one caught my eye and it sounded different enough that I thought I'd give it a chance. Was a little disappointing, but still an okay read.
Jane's family was turned during the 1930s and are not independently wealthy, suave, or sophisticated. Nice change of pace, as most vampires sound too good to be true. I always wondered why vampires had so much money at their disposal. Even with their long lives, you still have to have money in order to benefit from all that lovely compound interest. And wouldn't the banks eventually get suspicious? Jane's father works for a living, and they are anything but wealthy. Maybe the rich vampires rob their victims? Sorry..l digress.
Poor Jane is forever stuck as an awkward teenager, but her younger brother has it worse as he will be ten years old forever. Poor guy! But the family is close-knit and love one another, which is another nice change of pace. Most vampires are moody and dysfunctional, and this is only the second vampire family I've ever read about.
Liked that Jane knew she was different but still acted like a typical teenager, even though she had close to a century under her belt. No one is more surprised than she is to have the attention of not one, but two boys! She's such a little nerd that I couldn't help but like her!
This was just an okay story; nothing earth shattering but still an overall pleasant read. Appreciated the sense of humor woven throughout the story, which wasn't snarky or mean. Jane moans about her situation, but everyone loves and supports each other and I never got the sense of any real jeopardy. Think this would be a good story for middle grades, as it was a cute, fast read.
Jane's family was turned during the 1930s and are not independently wealthy, suave, or sophisticated. Nice change of pace, as most vampires sound too good to be true. I always wondered why vampires had so much money at their disposal. Even with their long lives, you still have to have money in order to benefit from all that lovely compound interest. And wouldn't the banks eventually get suspicious? Jane's father works for a living, and they are anything but wealthy. Maybe the rich vampires rob their victims? Sorry..l digress.
Poor Jane is forever stuck as an awkward teenager, but her younger brother has it worse as he will be ten years old forever. Poor guy! But the family is close-knit and love one another, which is another nice change of pace. Most vampires are moody and dysfunctional, and this is only the second vampire family I've ever read about.
Liked that Jane knew she was different but still acted like a typical teenager, even though she had close to a century under her belt. No one is more surprised than she is to have the attention of not one, but two boys! She's such a little nerd that I couldn't help but like her!
This was just an okay story; nothing earth shattering but still an overall pleasant read. Appreciated the sense of humor woven throughout the story, which wasn't snarky or mean. Jane moans about her situation, but everyone loves and supports each other and I never got the sense of any real jeopardy. Think this would be a good story for middle grades, as it was a cute, fast read.
October 21, 2015
Sixteen-year-old (going on 90) Jane Jones is new at Port Lincoln High. Vampires move around a lot since they don't age. She has to survive high school again and again. There are a lot of vampires wherever Jane moves but their existence is kept secret from humans.
Jane wouldn't mind being a dork as much if her overly-protective mother didn't insist she try to blend in with the other cooler vampires. She's not likely to impress the cool vampires if they find out she's allergic to blood, so she only pretends to drink from a fellow student at a bonfire party. Somehow she accidentally swallows some blood and her mother is called when she keels over. Vampires don't need a lot of blood to sustain themselves although there are many who drink for fun and the high it gives them.
What Jane would like to do is find a cure for vampirism. She searches the net constantly trying to find any article or website on vampire cures. Two boys are trying to win Jane's heart. One is a cool vampire. The other is a young genius in her history class who happens to be human.
The backstory about Jane and her family explains why an entire family became vampires together. In a way the vampires who changed them did them a favor since they were starving on their dust bowl farm.
An illogical subplot involves the vampire couple who turned her family so many years ago. The wife is now hunting them down to use their blood to cure her husband who is dying. You have to suspend belief to read any vampire story but some things still have to make sense for the plot to work.
Despite the inconsistencies in plot, Jane Jones is lovable character and it was refreshing to read a humorous vampire story.
My original review appeared on Bookloons.com
Jane wouldn't mind being a dork as much if her overly-protective mother didn't insist she try to blend in with the other cooler vampires. She's not likely to impress the cool vampires if they find out she's allergic to blood, so she only pretends to drink from a fellow student at a bonfire party. Somehow she accidentally swallows some blood and her mother is called when she keels over. Vampires don't need a lot of blood to sustain themselves although there are many who drink for fun and the high it gives them.
What Jane would like to do is find a cure for vampirism. She searches the net constantly trying to find any article or website on vampire cures. Two boys are trying to win Jane's heart. One is a cool vampire. The other is a young genius in her history class who happens to be human.
The backstory about Jane and her family explains why an entire family became vampires together. In a way the vampires who changed them did them a favor since they were starving on their dust bowl farm.
An illogical subplot involves the vampire couple who turned her family so many years ago. The wife is now hunting them down to use their blood to cure her husband who is dying. You have to suspend belief to read any vampire story but some things still have to make sense for the plot to work.
Despite the inconsistencies in plot, Jane Jones is lovable character and it was refreshing to read a humorous vampire story.
My original review appeared on Bookloons.com
March 3, 2015
It took me *forever* to finish reading this one, and I was close to giving up on it. The first half of the book just wasn't holding my attention, so I jumped to a couple of other series before telling myself to finish this or give it up. And let me just say - the second half is *way* better. Jane Jones, a vampire who's allergic to blood, is an outcast in the "vampires frozen as teens" group. She hates it. Wishes that her family would've just been left alone by the "farmers" that turned them. Then, the undead-life starts looking up a little bit - one of the hottie teen vamps starts noticing her, and she's got an assigned partner for a history project that grows on her. She finds an article talking about an elixir that could turn her back into a human and get her out of the blood allergy issue. But, there's also something to investigate - that history project? The one she was assigned by her teacher? The teacher chose a topic for Eli and her on the Dust Bowl, when her family was turned. Either Jane got really unlucky, or something's up with the teacher. There's a lot going on :-P
The humor to the book is what eventually brought me back in and kept my eyes on the pages. Can't type out examples here, as I don't want to spoil it. With all the stuff going on in her life at this point, there's so much room for Jane, worst vampire EVER, to have some goofs. The humor is also what has me wishing that there will be a sequel. Or at least some other novel by the author. I bet it'd do an even better job hooking me. I just want more on Jane's life now, but I'll take what I can get! Awesome debut novel.
The humor to the book is what eventually brought me back in and kept my eyes on the pages. Can't type out examples here, as I don't want to spoil it. With all the stuff going on in her life at this point, there's so much room for Jane, worst vampire EVER, to have some goofs. The humor is also what has me wishing that there will be a sequel. Or at least some other novel by the author. I bet it'd do an even better job hooking me. I just want more on Jane's life now, but I'll take what I can get! Awesome debut novel.
December 1, 2011
First Impression:
Nice twist on vampire lore. Cute cover. Seemed like it had quite a bit going for it. Was really hoping for some humor.
While Reading:
I really, really wanted to like Jane Jones: Worst. Vampire. Ever. The summary seems to promise a funny, quirky take on the vampire lore which is different than most vampire offerings. But what I got, was a tale that seemed to try a little too hard.
After finishing the last page, my brain has been trying to sort out my feelings for Jane Jones. Part of me loved that Jane was completely different than most vampires. She is not socially perfect. She is awkward. And to top everything off, she is allergic to most blood. Some vampire, huh? But despite all this, I still found myself struggling to like her. I mean who wants the "perfect" vampire? With all them out there, I was excited to see something a little different. But in a way, St. Onge went a little overboard in trying to make Jane different. She was so different that I struggled to relate to her at all.
Final Verdict:
Jane Jones: Worst. Vampire. Ever. is not a book that I would normally pick up. Honestly, I am a little over all the vampire craze. Yes, I still do enjoy the vampire myth and stories about it. But the trend has been so popular in the past few years that I am burned out. However, I am glad that I did read this one. St. Onge creates a new type of vampire that brings something a little different to this world. Janes Jones is not a vampire that you will probably meet every day. And for that alone, I would recommend it... but only to certain readers.
Nice twist on vampire lore. Cute cover. Seemed like it had quite a bit going for it. Was really hoping for some humor.
While Reading:
I really, really wanted to like Jane Jones: Worst. Vampire. Ever. The summary seems to promise a funny, quirky take on the vampire lore which is different than most vampire offerings. But what I got, was a tale that seemed to try a little too hard.
After finishing the last page, my brain has been trying to sort out my feelings for Jane Jones. Part of me loved that Jane was completely different than most vampires. She is not socially perfect. She is awkward. And to top everything off, she is allergic to most blood. Some vampire, huh? But despite all this, I still found myself struggling to like her. I mean who wants the "perfect" vampire? With all them out there, I was excited to see something a little different. But in a way, St. Onge went a little overboard in trying to make Jane different. She was so different that I struggled to relate to her at all.
Final Verdict:
Jane Jones: Worst. Vampire. Ever. is not a book that I would normally pick up. Honestly, I am a little over all the vampire craze. Yes, I still do enjoy the vampire myth and stories about it. But the trend has been so popular in the past few years that I am burned out. However, I am glad that I did read this one. St. Onge creates a new type of vampire that brings something a little different to this world. Janes Jones is not a vampire that you will probably meet every day. And for that alone, I would recommend it... but only to certain readers.
Displaying 1 - 30 of 143 reviews